Work Text:
November 8, 2008
Olivia paced the floors of the hospital, waiting for some sign that her partner would be okay. He had jumped in front of the gun the moment Bushido had tried to shoot her. If Elliot died, Olivia would absolutely never forgive herself. Tears were streaming down her face as she thought about her entire partnership with Elliot.
Promise me this
That you'll stand by me forever
For the last decade, it has pretty much always been Benson and Stabler against the world. There was nobody who had stood by and supported Olivia in the ways that Elliot Stabler had, from pretty much day one of their partnership. In the five years that she had been Patrick Griffin's partner, Olivia had never gotten close enough to tell him the truth about being a product of her mother's rape. It took her less than six months to tell Elliot. She remembered the conversation like it just happened yesterday – it was right after he found out that she had spent Thanksgiving alone. She had been fighting with Serena, so she just didn't bother going to her mom's that year. When Elliot found out, he insisted that she spend Christmas with him and his family. It was actually the first time that he had introduced her to his wife and four children.
Overcome with emotion, Olivia told Elliot the truth about being a product of her mother's rape, on New Year's Eve 1998. That was the first time Elliot ever said the words I'm your partner, for better or worse , to her. Elliot had, from that moment on, taken it upon himself to protect Olivia, even in times when she didn't want him to. Blink your lights had become a mantra of theirs over the years, anytime he dropped her off at her apartment. If she didn't blink them fast enough, there he was – up the steps and at her door, knocking to be sure that she was safe. Elliot was the person who did everything he could to get Olivia to see past the reason she existed. Anytime she mentioned not knowing much about her genetics, other than the fact that her mother was a drunk and her father a violent rapist, Elliot would just say look how great you turned out , needing her to know that it's not all about the genes.
Their partnership wasn't without its share of arguments of course. Elliot ordering a protective detail on her after she specifically said that she didn't want one, when Plummer was killing people from Olivia’s former cases, caused a huge rift in their partnership for a little bit. Gitano also definitely comes to mind. The way they both chose one another over the job – seeing how affected he was by it when he said Look, you and this job are about the only things that I've got anymore. I don't want to wreck that. I couldn't take it. Those words made her do the thing that hurt her the most – ask Cragen for a new partner. She did this because she knew Elliot wouldn't be able to live with himself if he had been the one to do so. When she went to Oregon undercover, it was easier to leave without having to hear his voice. But, it wasn't easy to know he had gotten so close to Dani Beck so quickly. The tension when Olivia returned, on both sides, had been palpable. And yet, like most of their arguments or disagreements, it was easy to resolve once they actually talked. I'd give you my kidney. Not if I gave you mine first.
Elliot needed to be okay right? He just had to be. Olivia didn't know how to live in a world without Elliot Stabler. He was, after all, her longest relationship with a man . He was the only man she trusted wholeheartedly. She trusted other men, namely from the squad, but the way she trusted Elliot, was always going to be stronger. Elliot knew her better than anyone else ever could. You know everything about me — even the parts that I’d rather forget. Elliot had put himself on the line for her during the two separate instances where Olivia had risked both of their jobs to help Simon, simply because he knew that all Olivia wanted in life was to be part of a family, especially with Serena already gone. But, the truth was since 1998, Olivia had been part of a family. The Stabler family.
But if, God forbid, fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye
It was at that exact moment Olivia’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Kathy’s voice. Kathy had just come from speaking with Elliot's doctor. The look on Kathy's face was terrifying Olivia. That was definitely not a look of hope — it was a look of defeat. Kathy was walking towards Olivia with Eli in her arms. Olivia stood up as Kathy got closer.
“What did the doctor say, Kathy?”
Kathy looked at Olivia. There was a time when she wondered just how close Olivia and her husband were. However, after a while, it didn't really matter. Elliot needed Olivia — and Olivia needed Elliot. They were something to one another; something that even Kathy couldn’t honestly understand fully. Olivia was family, which is what was going to make this even harder. Kathy's eyes filled with tears, and mirrored the tears in Olivia's own eyes. Olivia was wondering if Kathy knew this was all her fault; that Elliot had only been shot twice because he was saving her life. Kathy reached for Olivia’s hand, squeezing it tightly, silently preparing Olivia for her next sentence and the question that came with it.
“He's currently on life support. The doctor says there is substantial brain damage. He's literally only being kept alive by the machines, Olivia. So, here's the thing; I think I know the answer to this question, but I need you to confirm or deny if you can. I don't believe that Elliot would want to be kept alive by machines. Has he ever talked to you about how he'd feel there? You know him just as well as I do, maybe better. Olivia, I can't make this decision without you.”
Olivia closed her eyes the second she heard the words on life support. She couldn't breathe; there was a literal pain in her chest. Olivia listened to everything Kathy was saying. Her immediate thought was that she should lie because it would be better for her. Olivia, I can't make this decision without you . This decision — on whether or not they should unplug Elliot's life support. How was Olivia supposed to make that decision? How was Olivia supposed to be part of making a choice that led to a world without Elliot Stabler in it? Her eyes landed on Eli in Kathy's arms. Elliot's youngest child was not even a year old yet. Olivia absolutely knew the answer to Kathy's question, but the question was would she give the honest answer or the answer she wanted it to be? Her tear-stained eyes met Kathy's.
“He wouldn’t. We've talked about it after a case we worked on five years ago. Elliot worked with the DA's office urging them to turn off the life support of a child. A couple days later, we both said we wouldn't want to be kept alive by machines. Elliot would absolutely want the life support turned off. He also was an organ donor. He was supposed to give me his kidney though. Kathy, this is all my fault. He's going to die because he saved me. It should be me in there, not him. I'm going to go call the squad and update them, but please don't do anything until I can say goodbye.”
Olivia didn't bother to wait for any sort of response from Kathy. Walking out into the waiting room, Olivia shouldn't have been as surprised to see Cragen, Fin, and Munch all staring at her. It had been a while since she had arrived at the hospital in the ambulance with Elliot. She wasn't even sure when in the aftermath of the shooting, she had managed to grab her clothes from the closet. She was silently glad she had though, because she really didn’t want to explain to anyone, especially Kathy, why when Elliot was shot, she was in nothing but a bra and panties. Cragen made his way to Olivia, looking at her, and knew it was bad by the way she was looking. He informed her that Bushido and Tybor were both in custody, telling her that Tybor was also undercover and had been for over a year. He tried to fill her in on the rest of the case, but it really didn't seem like Olivia cared much about the case though. Olivia once again broke the silence, looking at the three men in front of her.
“They are turning off his life support soon. The brain damage is substantial. When he dies, charge Bushido with his murder. Tybor tried to save Elliot's life after the shooting. Knowing he was undercover makes that make so much sense. He also convinced Bushido to leave afterward, instead of shooting me too. I know I should have gone after Bushido, but Cap, I couldn't just leave Elliot leaving there bleeding to death. Kathy and the kids are saying goodbye right now. I don't know how to say goodbye to him. It’s Elliot. With the exception of a few months, that man has been my constant for a decade. I love him. I'm in love with him. Fuck, I have no right to say that. He's not my husband.”
Cragen, Fin, and Munch all looked down when Olivia said the words when he dies , not knowing how to process that when it came to Elliot. Olivia's admission that she was in love with Elliot didn't really surprise a single one of these men standing with her. They had all known that for years – and Cragen probably should have pulled them apart years ago, especially when he was told in my opinion, Detectives Benson and Stabler have a degree of mutual reliance and emotional dependence that compromises their effectiveness as police officers. But, he also was told that if he split them up, he would lose his two best detectives. Cragen pulled Olivia into his arms, hugging her tightly, trying to calm her down. Olivia pulled back from the hug, which surprised her. She was about to say more when she heard Kathy's voice behind her.
“It's almost time, Olivia. You should go say your goodbyes. We'll discuss service arrangements as soon as possible.”
Olivia looked from Kathy to each one of Elliot’s children. Seeing tears in all of their eyes made it all the more real. Eli was never going to grow up with his father. Kathleen was already going through so much this year, and now this – losing her father was going to devastate her. Dickie was only fifteen, and already basically Elliot's clone personality-wise. She was well aware that Dickie probably would feel like he had to step up and be the man of the house with Elliot gone. These kids meant everything to her; this entire family meant everything to her. We'll discuss service arrangements as soon as possible. It surprised Olivia that Kathy was adamant in including her in all of this. Did she really not blame her? Olivia wasn't sure how Kathy wasn't a freaking mess right now, because Olivia was dying inside. Wiping her eyes, Olivia looked at Kathy, nodding her head. On any other date, it would be so damn cute how Fin and Munch were playing with Eli, but today, it was just sad. Olivia made her way to Elliot’s room.
As she walked in, all she could hear were the machines. The machines that literally were the only thing currently keeping her partner alive. She reached for his hand, holding it tightly in hers.
“El, you could prove everybody wrong here and it would really be amazing. Just breathe on your own when they turn these machines off. You're not going to though. I already know that, in my head. It's my heart that can't accept that this is the end of an era. I swear I'll never call another person my partner. I may have a new partner eventually, but they better accept I won't call them that. I've only ever needed one partner in the last decade. It's always been you and me, Stabler – and it always will be. I love you, Elliot. I know I should stop saying that. But, I needed to say it to you one time, even if you didn't know I was saying it.
“I promise you that, for better or worse, I will not abandon Kathy, the kids, or your mother. I'll have their backs just like you've always had mine. I don't know how to say goodbye to you. It's killing me here, El. I'm sorry, I don't want to just sit here crying. I just want to say how much I've had the time of my life with you. We've done so much good together; all the victims we've saved or gotten justice for. I will get justice for you, Elliot. Mark my words, Bushido won't get away with this. Goodbye, partner. You will always be the love of my life.”
Olivia was in the room when the life support was turned off and waiting – waiting for him to start breathing on his own. It never happened. She felt Kathy's arm holding her up as she wanted to fall to her knees, in immense grief.
~oOo~
October 20, 2015
If you have children someday
When they point to the pictures
Please, tell 'em my name
It had been nearly seven years since Elliot's death. Olivia still was in shock at what Elliot left her in his will, more so knowing that he had already shared it with Kathy. Reading the letter from Elliot that his lawyer had, Olivia was in shock.
Liv,
If you're reading this, I'm dead, which really sucks. I don't know if you remember when we worked that case about the embryos and you told me that a bunch of idiots said you weren't prime parent material for adoption and I said they're wrong. I stand by my statement. You would make the best mother for any child, and if some bureaucratic asshole can't see that, fuck them.
Follow the directions in this letter to a T. I've donated sperm exclusively with you only as the possible recipient – go have your baby, Olivia. Before you stare in the mirror and wonder if that's fair to Kathy, she knows. I didn't do this in secret. You deserve to be a mother, Olivia. You deserve it more than anyone. All I ask is that if this works, the child be close to my other kids. You don't have to tell them about me being the father if you don't want to. Kathy will back your lead there, no matter what you decide.
Semper Fi,
El.
It took her a bit to get to a place where she could consider Elliot’s offer seriously. Now, Olivia was the mother of five-year-old twin daughters. Madonna October “Maddie” and Mirabelle Sereafina “Bella” Stabler, who ironically shared a birthday with Elliot, knew everything about their Angel Daddy . Olivia had pictures of Elliot up in her apartment and in the girls' bedroom. She also wore a compass necklace that Elliot left for her in his will daily. There was never a moment when Olivia didn't feel like Elliot was still with her. She wondered if Angel Elliot had anything to do with her reconnecting with Cassidy. She couldn't believe that Cassidy and her had just gotten engaged.
Wiping her eyes, she placed the flowers on the top of Elliot’s gravestone. She visited sometimes, but not as much as she did in the beginning.
“I'm getting married, El. To Brian Cassidy; can you believe that? Maddie and Bella adore him, but don't you worry — they will always know who their daddy is. I'm happy, but I wish you were here. I will always wish you were here. Everything has happened without you and it just hurts, El. I'm a mom, because of you – that really still feels weird to say. I've been both a Sergeant and Lieutenant. These are things you deserved to see. I'm getting married to someone that isn't you. Another thing I never expected. Thing is, I could have done all of this with you here too. You didn't have to die for all of this to happen. I miss you so much, El. I'll always miss you. Cragen and Munch are both gone from the unit too. For a while, I was hard to work with for any new people. I literally just kept referring to them as all the pretenders , saying how they would never be you. It wasn't exactly fair to any of them, but working at SVU without you was absolutely hard as fuck for years. I've gotten better. There will be some moments when I want to compare something to something you once said or did. Elliot, I'm sorry I stopped coming here so much. I just couldn’t live in the grief anymore.
“I kept my promise to you though, El. I never abandoned Kathy or the kids. I've gone to all of their big events. We do holidays together, for the most part. I even introduced Kathy to her new boyfriend. Nick Amaro is a good guy; I wouldn't have let an asshole near her or your kids. I helped Kathleen; she didn't handle your death well at all. She stayed with me and the girls for a while. Your mom’s passing last year was hard for the girls – they adored her. If I'm being honest, it was hard for me too. She died protecting our girls, and I'll never be able to thank her for that. If you've already done so up there, can you do it once for me too? I don't want to say his name, but I'm trying to get over everything there. If he had hurt either one of our daughters, I would have killed him, El. I wanted to kill him when he hurt me. I'm just glad the girls were sleeping over at Kathy's that first time. I don't want to say I'm glad your mom died the second time, because I'm not. But your mom shielding our daughters from that psycho was truly one of the most courageous things ever.
“Just because I don't come here all the time like I did in the beginning, doesn't mean I've stopped thinking about you. Even though I'm marrying someone else, you, Elliot Stabler, will always be the love of my life.
“Happy Birthday, El.”
~oOo~
November 2018
It was the end of a decade
But the start of an age
Olivia couldn’t believe it had been ten years since Elliot’s death. She had risen through the ranks and now was the Captain of the squad. She was supposed to meet her newest detective, who she had not even interviewed. All she knew about him was that he was a newly promoted detective, whose father had died in the line of duty as a police officer in the NYPD. She also knew he had specifically requested to be assigned to Special Victims. Fin called Olivia out of the office, to meet their new detective. Walking out of her office, nothing could have prepared her for realizing who she was going to be looking at. Her eyes started to fill with tears, with her not even caring who saw her crying.
“Dickie Stabler? You’re the new detective? The one whose father died in the line of duty? Why didn’t I even consider that was possible? Hold on…when did you even get promoted? I wasn’t there? How did I miss it?”
He looked at Olivia, nodding his head at her. He took her hands in his.
“I wanted to surprise you. But, please don’t call me Dickie in front of people. I’m a twenty-five-year-old man. Just call me Rich, or something equally cooler. If you want, uhm, you can just call me Stabler.”
That did it. Olivia started bawling, though everyone knew why so it wasn’t weird. Looking back at him, Olivia laughed.
“Stabler, huh? This place needed another Stabler. It’s been too long without one. Your father would be so proud of you; I hope you know that. Come on Stabler, you’re with me until I find a partner for you.”
He shook his head.
“There’s always been a Stabler here, even after 2008. I’m looking at her. Is there any chance you can possibly find me a partner like my dad’s partner?”
Olivia just smiled, walking with him.