Work Text:
You have fifty unheard messages.
First unheard message. Sent Wednesday at 11:47pm.
Hey, Buck, it’s me. Uh, it’s Steve. Rogers. I’m here at the park and it’s about...11:45? You were...we were supposed to meet here at eleven. Same time, same place, remember? Not sure if we got our wires crossed or what, but I just wanted to check in, make sure everything’s okay. I don’t know where you spent the night, if maybe you fell asleep or got lost, or...it’s a big park, and you haven’t been back to Brooklyn in a while so. It’s okay if you did. I understand. Or if you...forgot, for a minute, where you were supposed to be. That’s okay, too. It’s okay. Readjusting, getting back into the world. It’s not all gonna come at once. [laugh]. Don't I know it. Anyway. I’m gonna stick around here a while so if you get this, let me know. If you’re lost, call me back, and I’ll find you. I’ll be here, Buck. I’ve got nowhere else to be. Bye.
End of message.
Seventh unheard message. Sent yesterday at 3:18am.
Hey, Bucky. Sorry to call again, I’m just...I’m a little worried about you. I waited as long as I could, but Sam’s here, and it’s pretty late, and I guess I’ve gotta call it a night. Sorry. I’m sorry, Buck, I...listen, I don’t know what’s going on in your head, if maybe, maybe, I don’t know, you got spooked. I know you were nervous. So was I. It’s okay. You don’t have to be scared. Sam’s a good guy, he just wants to help and I...I do too. And if that’s all this is, if it’s just you, if you need...time, space, anything, just let me know. Just call me, because if this isn’t you, if something’s happened, if, if, if something’s happened, I need to know. Call me back. Please, Buck. It’s gonna be alright. I swear it’s gonna be alright.
End of message.
Twelfth unheard message. Sent yesterday at 5:15am.
Would it help if I told you about the apartment? Sam’s convinced I wandered around Brooklyn looking sad until someone offered me a home, but really, it was Stark. I didn’t tell him about you, of course, just that I was looking for somewhere no one would bother me and [laugh] he bought out a whole building. Apparently he already had his eye on one, was just waiting for me to say the word. Tony’s a pain in the ass, but he’s...he reminds me of Howard. I think you’d like him. [pause]. It’s a nice place. High ceilings. Big windows. A balcony. I missed having a balcony. A fire escape, at least. Remember when we used to [cough]. [pause]. Anyway. It’s quiet. A good place to lie low for a while, you know, and it’ll be ours. Maybe not forever, but it’s a good place to start figuring things out. [pause]. I don’t know if you’re getting these messages, Buck. I hope you are. I hope you’re safe, and...maybe you’re just not ready. And that’s fine, it is, but I’d...I’d sure like to know you’re safe. You could text, if you don’t want to call, or send a...a smoke signal, a goddamn carrier pigeon, I don’t know. Just let me know. Just...let me know. I’m here. I’m here in our place and I think you’ll like it. And if you hate it, we’ll find a new place. I don’t care. Whatever you want. It’s waiting here for you.
End of message.
Nineteenth unheard message. Sent yesterday at 8:43am.
Hi. It’s almost nine, and I’m gonna go sit in the park for a while, in case you’re there. I didn’t get much sleep last night. [laugh]. I didn’t get any sleep last night. Do you want a coffee? I’ll bring you a coffee. Black with two sugars? Uh, probably...probably not anymore. Tell you what, I’ll order it black and grab a few sugars and you can... [murmuring in the background]. [quietly] Huh? Oh, yeah. Okay. Thanks, Sam. [louder] I’ll be in the park, Buck. Meet me there. Bye.
End of message.
Twenty-fifth unheard message. Sent yesterday at 12:26pm.
I, uh. [pause]. It’s around noon, I think? Sam’s here, he’s gonna...take over for me, while I go grab a nap. Apparently I was, uh, nodding off when he got here. He’ll be sitting right where you...said. Where you said to meet. And I’ll be back, Buck, I promise, I want to stay, I just... [murmuring in the background]. [quietly] Alright, Sam. I got it. Alright. Give me a minute. [louder] I’ll have the phone, so you can still call me. Wherever you are, call me, and I’ll come get you. Don’t worry about waking me up, I probably won’t be... [murmuring in the background]. [pause]. Goddamn it, Bucky. Call me.
End of message.
Thirty-first unheard message. Sent yesterday at 5:35pm.
Sorry my last message got cut off. I didn’t know these things did that. Should’ve figured out what I wanted to say before I opened my fat mouth. Anyway, what was I...I’m, uh...I was saying, it’s fine...if...you don’t wanna be found. If you changed your mind. You’re allowed to do that, Buck, no one’s gonna stop you anymore. But you don’t have to...run away. From me. Especially from me. You don’t ever. [pause]. Don’t feel guilty about needing space. Don’t feel guilty about anything, understand? Nothing was your fault, nothing was...if anybody’s at fault it’s...it’s... [pause]. You’re allowed to be angry at me, too. That’s fine. That’s...okay. There are so many things that... [pause]. And if that’s the reason you’re not...I can live with that. I can live with anything as long as you’re okay, Bucky, please. [pause]. [deep breath]. Please.
End of message.
Thirty-fourth unheard message. Sent yesterday at 6:54pm.
Barnes. Sam Wilson. We met when you broke my wings and kicked me off a helicarrier. Look, I’m gonna cut right to the chase. If you’re getting these messages, you need to get your ass back here. You do not get to do this to Steve. You do not get to string him along like this, alright? He is...out of his mind here, and you promised him you’d show. You asked him to trust you, and you’re not here, and... [pause]. If you’re not getting these messages, then...we’re gonna figure it out, okay, man? We’ll hit the road again and come find you, I mean it. But if you are. If you’re getting these, then you need to get it together. You promised him. Get here. Now.
End of message.
Fortieth unheard message. Sent today at 4:11am.
[breathing]. [quietly] I keep thinking about the night you first shipped out. [pause]. I barely slept for a week after. Almost keeled over on my paper route a couple of times. Never told you, didn’t wanna worry you, but I was a wreck. [pause]. I slept in your bed first night you were gone. Slept there every night until I moved out. Well, I didn’t sleep. Like I said. I would just...lie there, stare at the ceiling. Think about where you were, what you might be doing. Learning to shoot. Running. Eating terrible Army chow. Writing to me. And it was, uh, fine, while you were in Basic, but I just kept wondering about after, and... [pause]. You wanna know what scared me the most? I’d curl up in your bed and wonder what if I...what if, what if something happened and I don’t...I’d never know. What if you died and I never knew? You’d go MIA and I’d... [pause]. I wanted to serve my country, Buck, I did, but I...part of it was...part of it was, was that I’d be there, you know? If something happened, I could do something, and if I couldn’t, at least I’d...know. [laugh]. Everyone calls me a hero, and all I ever really wanted to do was... [pause]. I was so afraid of not knowing you were dead, and it’s so much worse, Buck. It’s so much worse not knowing you were alive. [pause]. [hitching breaths]. I never thought I’d see you again, and there you were. You were there, Bucky. I saw you. You were right there. And I can’t do it again. Christ, I can’t not know if—
End of message.
Forty-seventh unheard message. Sent today at 6:02am.
James. You don’t remember me. We met once, a long time ago. My name’s Natalia, and I need you to trust me. I know you don’t have any reason to, and I can’t give you one you’ll believe, but I think I know a little something about what you’re going through. Someone unmade me too, once. I know what it’s like, to feel like you don’t belong in this world. Like you don’t belong in your body. You’re probably having a hard time figuring out who to trust. But believe me, you can trust Steve. You can always trust Steve. You can trust Sam, too. I trusted them, and they...helped. They helped me figure out what was real, what I could fight for. What I could choose. Steve can help you, James. He helped me. [pause]. Don’t you dare tell him I said that, though. And don’t let all his messages scare you off. Steve can be a little...intense, but there’s a lot he wants to say to you. Let him. You won’t regret it.
End of message.
Fiftieth unheard message. Sent today at 1:36pm.
Hey. It's Steve. I’m not giving up on you, okay? I won’t stop looking for you. Forget what I said. Forget...all of it. If you want me to stop, Buck, you’ll have to come say it to my face. You came back for a reason. After everything, you came back. That means something. You know it does. And if you’re in trouble, I’ll find you, and they won’t hurt you again. I’ll make damn sure of it. I’ve had enough. You remembered me, Bucky. You came back to me. I’m not gonna let you go, just because it’s hard. I won’t... [beep] [beep]. [rustling]. Someone’s...Sam. What’s...Sam. It’s him, he’s calling, how—
End of message.
You have no unheard messages.