Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jard chugged the sodas like his life depended on it.

"GO, GO, GO!" Bobo cheered him on. "Just 10000 sodas left! I know you can do it!"

Jard felt as if he was gonna cry, puke, and explode at the same time. But he was not going to give up. He was gonna complete the challenge. HE WAS GONNA DRINK 1 MILLION SODAS.

"I'm gonna get kidney stones!" Jard laughed, his rational thinking no longer present. Galf came into the room and was confused by what was happening. "What are you guys doing?"

"I told Jard I would give him a thousand bucks if he drank a million sodas," Bobo explained. "You know how much he loves soda and money, so obviously, he was up to the challenge!"

Galf sighed. "Okay. Have fun. Just don't ask me to pay for the hospital bills." Bobo nodded as Galf walked out of the room, but he had 911 on speed dial in case anything happened.

A few minutes later, Bobo shouted with excitement. "JARD YOU DID IT! YOU DRANK A MILLION SODAS!"

"YEAAAHHHHH!" Jard shouted back. "DIABETES AND OSTEOPOROSIS, HERE I COME!! Uhh, actually, I don't feel so good..." Jard fell on the floor with an embarrassing face plant. "Call an ambulance!! I feel like my stomach exploded..." (skill issue)

"HUH?!" Bobo exclaimed. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLFFFFFFFFFF-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know!" Galf yelled back. "I'm calling an ambulance!"

It was probably only a few hours in the hospital waiting room, but it felt like hours for Bobo. Why is it taking so long?? He wants to know if Jard is okay!

And he felt as if he had nobody to vent his anxiety to. Galf came to the hospital with him, but he decided to wait for Jard by standing outside and smoking weed. Bobo didn't wanna stand outside with him because, let's be honest, weed smells disgusting.

A few hours later, a doctor came up to Bozo and informed him of Jard's current state. "We regret to inform you that Jard has been diagnosed with stage 5 Ligma, and now he is on life support," said the doctor. "The sodas contained a chemical called Binglebongleborg, and consuming this chemical in mass amounts can result in life-threatening conditions for the consumer. We hope you understand."

Bobo just stared at the doctor in silence, processing the information.

"WHAT?!" he finally exclaimed. "LIGMA IS REAL??? WHAT?????"

The doctor cringed at the sudden outburst. "I understand this news is upsetting, but please, try to keep your voice down..."

"WHO THE HELL GETS DIAGNOSED WITH LIGMA????"

"Your friend did."

Bobo blinked. "Well I guess that's true, but still! That's a really dumb thing to get diagnosed with! Do you have a cure?"

The doctor shook their head. "We're doing the best we can."

Bobo got hit with a mass wave of disappointment. "Oh.."

Later that day, Bobo was thinking about what he would do next. He sat there, lost in thought, trying to figure out his next move. He had to wait for Jard to get better but didn't know what to do while waiting!

Then Bobo got a wild idea: if the doctors didn't have a cure, why can't he make one himself? It was crazy, and he had no experience in science, chemistry, or medicine whatsoever, but he was good at doing crazy stuff.

Thus, with renewed energy, Bobo sought out to find a cure for Ligma! (Which sounds pretty dumb, but it's alright.)

The very next day, Bobo went to Walmart and bought the important materials needed to make a cure.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Galf asked him.

Bobo was sitting on the floor and using the kit, mixing baking soda and food coloring with vinegar. And other "scientific" experiments.

"I'm trying to make a cure for Ligma!" Bobo explained.

"Well that's kinda stupid," Galf argued.

"I just want to help Jard!"

"You can't even do science!"

"You think you can do science better than me, you MIDDLE SCHOOL dropout? You don't even know what a mitochondria is!" Bobo snapped.

Galf wanted to kick Bobo in the face, but he didn't. "Whatever," he said, hating the fact that it was true. "Go back to making your dumb potions, I guess."

Bobo continued to work on his elixirs. He eventually made a mysterious concoction out of orange juice, vinegar, raw eggs, and, most importantly, glitter. (EWWW SOMEONE APPREHEND HIM IMMEDIATELY 😭😭😭)

It smelled funky, but Bobo was sure that this would work. Later that day, Bobo went to Jard's hospital room. When the doctor wasn't looking, Bobo poured his dumb potion thing into Jard's mouth.

A few seconds later, the heart monitor thingy flatlined. The concoction killed Jard. (ruh roh)

"WHAT IT DIDN'T WORK???" Bobo yelled.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?????" the doctor yelled at him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bobo yelled.

The end. Moral of the story: don't be a bozo like Bobo! (srry for rushed ending idk what to write)

Chapter Text

it was an average day at galf's shop. well it was average until bobo thought it would be funny to jump on top of jard like a WWE wrestler.

"OWOWOWOW BOBO WHAT THE HECK??????" jard screamed.

"sorrryyyy i was bored!" bobo said.

"AHHHHH I THINK YOU BROKE MY BACK OR SOMETHING!!!!!! GET THE PHUCK OFF OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

bobo got off of jard and watched him sob hysterically on the floor. jard actually sobs hysterically on the floor a lot but this time it wasn't because he was distraught over his crippling debt or something.

"i think uhh.. i think im gonna take you to a doctor," bobo said.

"YOU THINK?!?!??!?!?!?!!!??????!?!?!?!" jard responded as bobo started dragging him by his feet to a hospital.

at the hospital, they waited a long time for the doctor but then he finally came.

"what- REBEL??? YOURE THE DOCTOR????????????" bobo yelled in shock.

"yep!!!" rebel replied. "and i AM a licensed practitioner of medicine! yep totally uh huh no idea why you would think otherwise! i DID NOT drop out of medical school so i resorted to shooting people for no reason to feel better about my crippling lack of education DEFINITELY NOT!!!!! yes i am a doctor."

bobo actually has brain cells so he didn't believe rebel but whatever. "ok if you are a doctor, can you help jard? he broke his back!"

"yeah okay sure!!" rebel said.

"WHAT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" jard cried. "HES GONNA PARALYZE ME AHHHHHHHH"

"don't worry youll be fine!!" rebel said with a VERY insincere smile.

ok so bobo left the room, and jard was lying down on one of those chiropractor table things.

"ok jard now just relax," rebel said. "this is just gonna hurt A BIT. just a small pinch. minor sting."

"uhhhhh" jard replied, fearing for his life.

rebel did what a chiropractor was NOT supposed to do and literally broke jard's back even more. bro literally karate chopped his back or something. yeowch!

bobo could hear jard's screams for help but he didn't care.

"BOBO HELP AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"we're gonna get tacos later so it's fine!" bobo shouted back.

unfortunately, after that appointment, jard was paralyzed from the neck down and could not get tacos.

uhhhh the end idk what to add.

Chapter Text

"sigh" jard said. "im so sick of all this interdimensional travelling stuff. galf wont even let me drink more than 5 sodas in a single round bruh! what a rip! he should worry about HIS OWN diabetes! and dont even get me started on the nextbots! like angry munci?? seriously?? STOP BEING SO FAST!! ugh, and this stupid job isnt even enough to pay the rent ill probably be homeless by next month..."

"dude why are you venting to me, all i asked was if you wanted to come to chick-fil-a with me and bobo.." defect asked.

"uuugggggghhhhhhh ok i guess i'll come," jard said.

at chick-fil-a, uhh while they walked into the store, bobo noticed an interesting poster on the window. "hey jard check this out, its a poster for a new job!"

jard read the poster. "HELP WANTED!" it said. "NIGHT GUARD NEEDED FOR FREDDY FAZBEAR'S PIZZERIA!"

"wow $21.50 an hour???? thats more than galf pays me in a lifetime!" jard exclaimed. "i think ill take it!!"

"uhh yah awesome" bobo said while munching on his chicken nuggets.

ok later jard pulled up at freddy fazbear's pizzeria.

"oh boy this looks spooky..... shiver me timbers...." he said.

jard walked over to the dirty stinky night guard room and sat in the chair stained with taco bell sauce.

the phone next to him started ringing so he picked it up.

"uhh hello? hello?" said the phone. "im calling to help you get situated here on your first day or whatever."

the phone kept talking and yapping while jard barely paid attention. he instead focused on flipping the camera and being silly like an autistic monkey (i am autistic dont get mad at me for writing that).

jard was chilling before all of a sudden he heard the worst song on earth.

"har har har har har"

his face lost all its color as his blood seemed to drain. no.... not freddy fazbear.....

suddenly an animatronic appeared in the door.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" jard screamed. he didnt close the door in time and the animatronic walked into the room.

"w-wait... WHY DO YOU LOOK FAMILIAR?!" jard said.

the animatronic was actually.... bobo?!

"BOBO???"

"oh hi jard!" said bobo. "yeah i am an animatronic! sorry for scaring you!"

jard blinked. "huh? first youre a nextbot and now youre an animatronic, also im pretty sure youre a tower blitz character, are you even human anymore?"

bobo shook his head politely.

"what on earth" jard said.

the end