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English
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Published:
2024-02-21
Updated:
2024-02-26
Words:
1,357
Chapters:
2/?
Comments:
35
Kudos:
32
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Just to Miss You

Summary:

I just wanted to make a bunch of one shots about this show because I fell in love with it from the second episode. I'm a sucker for family but I don't know too much about Japanese culture so please bear with me and try to enjoy it a little bit.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: Wife, Mother

Summary:

Yoko reflects on her relationship with the family after she promises Soichi to take another family photo. - Episode 3

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Yoko looks to where her husband disappears into the house, staring blankly at where Soichi stood just moments earlier. 

“It’s been six years,” he breathes, eyes anywhere but on hers. “I just wanted to take a new one. That's all.”

He stands up to go.

“Wait,” she reaches toward him. “I’ll be there.”

She clenches her fists against the table, stunned by her own response. Longing burrows into her chest, stabbing through the thrill of espionage. 

It wasn’t always like this. She, for once, allows herself to think back to the before, when their family was whole and warm and close— when being together felt like a blessing instead of a jagged knife. What had become of them in all these years?

The rest of her children have become estranged to her, shadows that come and go, ghosts she can't quite touch. She knows they all find their own agendas despite their secrecy. Does she really know them as they are now? The bitterness in her heart dislodges just a little, cracks running through what has long hardened. Guilt begins to seep through.

It’s cold in the house, the doors to the empty dining room left open to the night. The picture of her once oldest son sits frozen in a smile, staring at her from a glittering, stagnant shrine.

 

Notes:

I think it's interesting how they aren't allowed to take photos but Soichi is breaking the rules because he wants the family back together and places his responsibility and love for the family over his legacy. Also I know that everyone in the family isn't super isolated but they are all doing their own things and there is still a big broken Gaku shaped space they've kept within the household.

Chapter 2: Brother, Son

Summary:

Haru dealing (not well) with everything that has happened.

Notes:

Okay so just imagine there was more time between Gaku leaving and the rest of the family arriving in the white room. Inspired by tire_daile's prompt for the ending scene where Haru's on the floor in episode 8. Enjoy! Not super hurt/comfort but I hope this tickles the spot T^T

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Gaku,” he calls as he struggles to push himself up. “GAKU!” 

Haru shakes, watching the shell of his brother disappear into the mist, leaving him once again. His body has betrayed him too, lying useless, surrounded by fog and blood and Tsujioka’s mutilated body. Guilt piles on even heavier and, for this moment, the weight of the world takes its place on his shoulders. He suffocates beneath it.

 

His body has given up, limbs refusing to move as he strains to push against the floor, to follow after Gaku. If he can’t bring Gaku back then what good is he? Maybe the only honor he could bring to his family was death in combat.

 

The adrenaline is dying and with it the numbness of panic, his wounds turning from a deep ache to stinging severity. 

 

Everything hurts. His body, his soul, his heart. No part of him is left intact. The chill of the room begins to seep into him and the silence makes him want to puke. Everything he does always results in death and loss. He doesn’t kill, someone else dies for it. He gets close to someone, they are lost to him forever. He breaks the rules, he faces the consequences. 

 

He breathes out, eyes opening to the cold, white walls and realizes that maybe this is the repayment for his sins. Maybe it is the will of the universe for him to die by the man who he alone had enabled to kill his brother. A breeze pushes through a limp hanging banner to his right. 

 

His life replays in his head, being a child and running around the courtyard as his family threw encouragements and insults alike, his first time taking to the roofs with Gaku by his side, holding Nagi and Riku when they are born, eating at university with the friends he used to have, training late into the night to perfect his non-lethal techniques— the night he spent with Karen, her breath hot against his neck where she lay against him, warm and feeling suspiciously close to home. She was so beautiful and so intelligent and he had let her dig deeper and deeper into the mess of his world. He was a fool for allowing himself to ever even consider them a possibility. 

 

He wants his family— how they were before. The mother who was boundlessly looking to be recognized, impatient, yet the one who slowed to hold him when he was hurting. The father that was so understatedly powerful, yet was gentle and patient and listened. The brother who took his responsibility too seriously and raised him and Nagi up when they needed him most. The little sister who used to make him little paper stars to cheer him up. The little brother who didn’t know anything but wanted to be a part of it anyway. The cynical grandma that always took the chance to make fun of him. 

 

Tears begin to trail down his face, creating rivulets through the blood and grime. His breathing slows and his thoughts quiet. He listens for that gentle sound, the one that had brought him all this way. 

 

For a moment there is silence and he thinks that he might have already fallen through this reality and into the next. Letting him rest.

 

There is a loud creaking and a bang of doors against the wall. 

 

“Haru,” a slew voices cry out in a scary echo of his former self.

 

“Where is Gaku?”

 

His father is suddenly beside him, strong hands pushing against his wounds, plunging him back to the present. Haru grunts at the sudden movement, a pained moan threatening to escape. 

 

“What?” he hears his mother whisper hands ghosting over him, “No.” 

 

He hears something hitting the floor and knows it’s Nagi behind him.

 

“Haru-nii” she breathes,”Wake up, please. Wake up” 

Haru doesn’t look up, too ashamed to face his family. He probably doesn’t have the strength anyway. 

“Gaku left,” he coughs, blood splattering on the floor in front of him, “He killed Tsujioka and left. I’m sorry I couldn’t get him back. I’m sorry.” 

 

If he had not been injured he would be on his knees, begging for their mercy. Haru didn’t know how he could ever be a good son to them again. He was just the backup, the fuck up second son who couldn’t even begin to fix everything he had done to the family. The nausea returned full force.

 

“Haru,” his mother says quietly, “There is nothing you could have done. Gaku made his choice. You are not responsible for what your brother has decided.”

 

Nagi grabs his bloodied hand and only looks at him with sorrowful eyes. Gaku was her role-model, she had looked up to him for so long. And now, because of him she has lost him twice. His hand remains limp in hers.

 

“We will always look for him,” His father pulls him up, wrapping Haru’s arm around his shoulders, and Nagi lets go. “No matter where he goes, Gaku will always be our son and your brother. This is not the end.” 

 

The silence that follows feels long although it’s probably no more than a few seconds; but in that moment a wave of emotion barrels through him. He has been found. 

 

Sobs begin to wrack his chest, slowly at first and then they grow louder and more broken. As a great pressure builds to release in his chest, he screams, tears flooding down his face and he shakes, the pain of his grief and guilt rend through his whole body. He can feel how he pulls at his father’s shoulders but he can’t stop the roiling emotion as he wretches toward the floor. 

 

Haru screams through his rage and his guilt and his deep, deep sorrow. He screams because their family is finally knitting together their broken pieces. He screams because he is free after hiding his shame under layer after layer for six long years. 

 

When he calms, he can feel his mother’s hand wipe away the tears that haven’t yet stopped, looking at him with a sadness that is all for him. No pity, no disappointment. His father grunts beside him and holds on tighter. Nagi squeezes his hand.

This time, he returns it.

 

All of a sudden, it feels like the energy drains from his body, his bones turning to lead. He slumps forward and everybody panics, His mom gasping taking place under his other arm, Nagi making some weird choked noise, and his dad calling out his name and groaning at the sudden shift in weight.

 

A chuckle escapes, still bittersweet, but despite the weight of exhaustion and loss, he feels lighter than he has in a long time. Haru can’t believe how dramatic they’re being. He’s fine. 

 

He’s ready to go home.

Notes:

Currently working on the honeypot fic prompted by Echo0112358 :)))

Notes:

Please be kind and let me know your thoughts :3