Work Text:
i, don’t care, if your beautiful lips exist out there...
Applejack studied the raindrops racing down her window. Her truck sat at a traffic light, red illuminating the rain that glistened on her windshield. Some of them ran, some of them stayed, her wipers not able to keep up.
Others might consider her truck a rust bucket. But it was her second home at this point. All the chipped paint, scratches from little fender benders here and there, the smell of fast food and cigarettes sunken into the leather. But it held memories, good times and bad times, laughter that had been shared, tears that had soaked into the seats. It was bittersweet.
She tuned in to the song on the radio. Some sad punky song, it didn’t really evoke any sort of emotion out of her. She placed her elbow on the door and put her fist under her chin, sighing. The raindrops continued to slip down her windshield, and she watched them fall and run down the glass as she thought over Rainbow Dash’s words from last night.
They had been sitting on her porch, a clear Friday night after another one of Rainbow’s disaster parties.
Well, for anyone else at least, they might’ve considered it to be amazing, another rager that Rainbow had thrown at her new apartment. It was a biweekly event at this point. And Applejack was tired of it.
Not necessarily tired of the parties, because sometimes they had been fun. Just like the time she had ended up twisting her ankle on the hopscotch they had drawn on the sidewalk. Not that that was fun, but Rainbow had taken her into the bathroom to ice it. It made her feel special. That was one of the last times she had taken the time for her.
cause i’m wonderless, why the best can’t make it hollywood.. no more
The stupid song on the radio kept going, and she slapped the power button with a scoff. This red light was taking forever, and she was already in a pissy mood. This song wasn’t helping.
Her mind wandered again, staring out the window at the other cars that caused the puddles in the road to spray across the pavement.
Rainbow was just a few months away from hitting her goals in the Wonderbolts Academy, a few more clean races away from moving away forever and leaving everything behind.
Of course, Applejack didn’t mind that she was successful. Actually, she was over the moon. She was at all of her races. Always there to meet her at the finish line. But it was the thought of her leaving, the thought of herself just being another person left behind.
Deep down, she knew that wasn’t even the biggest problem. It was more so in the way that Rainbow approached it.
Why didn’t she take the time for her anymore? Why was Applejack second to everything that Rainbow had in life? She knows she’s busy. But it was sickening, every time she was glanced over at events, every time her texts were answered after everyone else’s.
She was moving now, yet approaching another red light. She rolled down her window, pulling a cigarette from the box that she kept in her center console. The lighter, she pulled out of her boot, one that had been bedazzled by Rarity some time ago.
She rolled down her window, taking a long drag, watching the smoke hit the white sky, just like the birds at night, flying across the horizon before the sun hit its hiding place.
Raindrops fell through the open window and splattered on her leg. She thought back to last night again, and the cloudy gaze in Rainbow’s eyes paired with the smug look of drunken splendor that held her face in a chokehold. Applejack hadn’t been sober either, but it was impossible to be at those parties. How else could she drown out the nippy conversations and get through the pounding headache from the bass.
But Rainbow had been plastered, as usual, and her words had been a jumble as they spilled out of her speeding lips. Yet they all made sense in Applejack’s mind.
She had been spewing mostly nonsense, bumbling about a stupid trick or an awesome catchphrase she had made up. Of course, Applejack loved it. Yet not when she mixed it with real feelings, or when her words twisted in a way that sounded more backhanded than sweet.
It’s fake, just like the movies.
Her heart skipped a beat in her chest from the honk behind her. Sitting at a green light again, she rolled her eyes at herself for getting lost in her thoughts. She sped off, silently flipping off the driver behind her.
She couldn’t wait to see her again.
Just to see the look on her face when she broke the news. Not the news that she loved her, as she had already crossed that bridge long ago, and not another hopeless news story about how she was sick and tired of Rainbow’s goddamn attitude. Just old news. At least, old news in Applejack’s eyes.
But not old news to Rainbow. No, Applejack couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she finally broke it off.
She had been waiting to wipe that smug look off her face for months now. Couldn’t wait to see the moment when Rainbow’s face fell, when her eyes glazed over, when it finally sunk into her irrational little brain that she had been treating Applejack like shit.
Of course Applejack had mentioned it all before. But it didn’t seem to get through Rainbow’s thick skull. She had told her it hurt. She had told her it was tearing them apart. And Rainbow agreed, apologized, even once broke down over her stress and her thoughts, and Applejack was left to do the comforting, even though she was really the one who needed to be comforted.
She couldn’t wait to see her again. And her two fucking faces.
She switched sides like no other. One moment, she was yelling about some shit that Applejack had done, even if it wasn’t true, then turning it into an argument about something completely different, that also wasn’t Applejack’s fault.
She could imagine her two faces locked on hers. Which one was she supposed to look at? The one that was yelling or the one that was faking the love?
She shook her head at the thought. No, it wasn’t fake. It was just… pushed down too far that she couldn’t see it. And Rainbow didn’t know how to show it. Yeah.
But she had the worst time chasing the thought away. What if it wasn’t real? What if all the things she had said about her weren’t true at all? And she didn’t mean the snarky remarks or the poison that spewed from her mouth when she got upset. Did she?
Rainbow meant the compliments, and the flirtatious conversation, and the sweet things that she had done in the past, but what if none of that was real?
Maybe Applejack’s the fake. Maybe Rainbow’s the one to blame. Maybe they’re stars, meant to sparkle in the sky for everyone to see, but maybe one is shining brighter than the other. Maybe it outshines the other completely.
“My mistakes I’ve made won’t leave me alone,” Rainbow had said, something she had murmured into her sleeve when she had her legs to her chest. Applejack had asked her to repeat it, and she wouldn’t. But Applejack heard. Loud and clear.
Rainbow wasn’t much of a… feelings person. Everybody knew that. She was all rock ‘n roll, spunky attitude with a loud mouth, yet those were the things that made her… her. But the few times she had brought up vulnerable conversations or weary sentences trailed off by sighs, she always ended it all too fast.
They never had a chance to talk. More so, Applejack never had a chance to get her word in. Without saying something that Rainbow took offensively, or without watching her storm out the door. And it made it impossible.
Now, Applejack was here, pulled up in front of her new apartment complex, throwing her gear shift into park and tossing her cigarette butt out the window. A grunt left her throat as she ripped the keys out of the ignition.
She looked up at herself in the car mirror above the steering wheel, pausing for a moment as she caught her own reflection. She almost didn’t recognize herself, parting her lips in shock when she noticed how furrowed her eyebrows were and how the anger was practically searing through her eyes.
A heavy sigh escaped her, an exasperated huff that burned with irritability and impatience. God, why couldn’t she just tell her. Break ups weren’t that hard, right?
She adjusted her hat in the mirror. Memories of Rainbow stealing her hat and wearing it instead came flooding into her mind, as if she was watching her life flash before her eyes.
She’d always take it and wave it at her, that stupid smirk that she loved so much would be plastered across her lips and her little high-pitched giggles that she never let anyone else hear would come pouring out of her mouth after Applejack would tackle her to get it back. It’d always end in a tickle fight, and Rainbow usually won. By cheating of course, but that was part of the fun. Applejack’s anger was subsiding, now.
Rainbow had a couple months left before it was off to the big city to start her training. This seemed to hit Applejack like a bus, even though she had known for years. She just… never thought the day would actually come around.
She imagined the newspaper headlines, the posts swarming her social media feeds, filling up her inbox with notifications about all the things she didn’t want to see.
Again, not that she wasn’t happy for her. But now it all seemed too real.
And here she was, about to storm into her apartment and end things forever. Maybe that was the part that was too real.
She started to tear up. She looked over into the window of the apartment, too many memories overwhelming her mind, too many feelings of confused anger and resentful sorrow?
She didn’t understand herself anymore. One moment, she was ready to end it for good. But second thoughts came over her like a tropical storm wave.
Applejack remembered the last few words Rainbow had said the night she told her she was officially moving away.
She had said it in a joking way, playfully sharing her excitement, never taking anything too seriously.
“And if you don’t find me on the front page, find a way to say that you saw me. And if you don’t find me in a movie, find a way to say that you knew me.” She had said while throwing a popcorn bag in the microwave, hand on her hip as she bragged about her news. It was all in good intent though, yet Applejack still had to run off to the bathroom and compose herself.
“And if you don’t find me at all,” she had said, opening the popcorn bag and grabbing a glass bowl from the shelf, saying it in the most nonchalant humorous manner, yet Applejack had been staring with tears in her eyes.
“Then I, don’t care…”
The words twisted in her mind just like the braid she had been wearing that day. Her hands started to shake, clutching onto the wheel even though she wasn’t driving anymore, yet trying to find a steady ground before she faced the music that played inside the apartment.
Applejack felt tears prick at her eyes, regretting ever having wanted to break up, hating herself for thinking that would have fixed anything, rolling her eyes so hard that it felt like she could see the back of her mind.
It was sickening, it was frightful, it was so anxiety provoking that she felt she might puke. She sucked in a deep breath, unable to stop tears from falling as she grabbed her keys, threw open the door, and slammed it behind her with such force that the truck itself moved.
More words echoed through her mind as she started running.
“If I could find a place for the holiday, maybe I would call,” she had said with such lightheartedness, little smiles forming in between her bites of popcorn, absentmindedly grabbing salt from a nearby cabinet, not even looking Applejack’s way.
“You’re a payphone away from the mess that I’ve become…”
She ran through the grass toward the stairs. She almost tripped multiple times, fear filling her limbs that caused her to shake too bad, gripping onto the railing so hard that her freckled knuckles turned white.
The truck door slam must’ve echoed off the walls of the apartment complex as when she neared the top of the staircase, the door was already open to her apartment, and the subject herself was standing in the doorway, hair pulled up and pajamas still on. Her eyebrows were raised with shock, eyes focusing on the girl a few steps away from her, who had stopped dead in her tracks.
Applejack’s tears ran down her face, not even trying to compose herself anymore, feeling too much regret and fear for the future that it was too late to stop any of it.
She continued up the stairs, reaching the top yet still holding onto the railing, anticipating her legs might give out.
Rainbow stepped out of her apartment, tortoise slippers and all, concern drawn on her face like an unsupervised kid with a crayon. She reached forward as she stepped, grabbing Applejack by the shoulders and staring into her eyes as if she could’ve found the answer just by looking.
Applejack felt another wave of sobs crawling up her throat, and she gave in, letting herself fall into the arms of the girl she had just planned to break up with.
Rainbow’s questions came spilling out, worry shaking her voice with an unsettling waver she never usually carried.
Applejack had no answers, only terrible regret for something she hadn’t even followed through with. She missed her, even though she was right here. She hated her for leaving, even though she hadn’t yet. She despises the fact that no exchange could ever end without yelling, yet those simple conversations did in fact exist.
Her fist pounded on Rainbow’s chest, who didn’t even seem to flinch. It’s almost like she knew.
Only a few words left Applejack’s lips, ones that Rainbow asked her to repeat, even though she had heard it, loud and clear.
“I’m destroying what I love…”