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English
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Published:
2024-02-21
Updated:
2024-02-22
Words:
1,228
Chapters:
2/?
Comments:
19
Kudos:
267
Bookmarks:
32
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2,898

the groupchat from hell (literally)

Summary:

Charlie: Hey everyone!!! I made this groupchat so we can all be connected, be able to contact each other, and hopefully get closer :)

Charlie: You guys can also change your names if you want!

Angel Dust changed named to ur favorite hoe

Niffty changed name to Cockroach Killer

ur favorite hoe: hey

 

Just the Hazbin Hotel crew being chaotic in a groupchat. It's silly, it's goofy, and it kinda sort of has a plot.

Notes:

Hi!! This is my first fanfic so im taking the low road and writing a chatfic lmao. Anyway this show has taken over my every thought so I wanted to write a fanfic. Also every chapter title is named after a musical song because let's be honest, Hazbin Hotel is for the theater kids. Constructive criticism is appreciated and pls enjoy <3

Chapter 1: Road to Hell

Summary:

Road To Hell - Hadestown
On the road to hell there was a railroad track...

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

New chat created.

Charlie added Alastor, Angel Dust, Husk, Sir Pentious, Vaggie, Niffty to chat.

Charlie named the chat Hazbin Hotel crew

Charlie: Hey everyone!!! I made this groupchat so we can all be connected, be able to contact each other, and hopefully get closer :)

Charlie: You guys can also change your names if you want!

Angel Dust changed name to ur favorite hoe

Niffty changed name to Cockroach Killer

ur favorite hoe: hey

Sir Pentious: Hello everyone!

Husk: Hey.

Vaggie: Hi

Cockroach Killer: Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Charlie: How is everyone doing?

Sir Pentious: Gooooood. Missing my minions still but otherwise I’m great!

Charlie: That’s good to know!

Alastor: Wh at is tgis

Vaggie: Alastor r u ok?

Alastor: How d o I use thi s thimg?

Alastor: I csnt ty pe

ur favorite hoe: Alastor do you want me to type for you?

Alastor: Y e s

ur favorite hoe: ok, coming now

Charlie: See! This groupchat is already helping us bond. Try to be like Angel and spread some positivity today :D

ur favorite hoe: do NOT use me as an example. reading alastors texts was just giving me a brain aneurysm.

ur favorite hoe: besides, i got two sets of hands so i can type for both of us

Alastor changed name to radio daddy

radio daddy: lmao

ur favorite hoe: oh he's gonna kill me

Cockroach Killer: Oooooo someones a bad boy >:)

ur favorite hoe: normally i would accept that but it feels gross coming from u

ur favorite hoe: no offense

Cockroach Killer: None taken ;)

radio daddy: Alastor told me to tell u guys that he has to go to an Overlord meeting thing so he's not going to be online for a while

Charlie: Tell him thank you for letting us know!

radio daddy: hes taking his phone back, wish me luck everyone

Sir Pentious: Best of luck!

…

ur favorite hoe: ok so my phone may or may not be broken for alastor-related reasons

Husk: Then how are you typing.

ur favorite hoe: i got a new one.

Husk: That fast?

ur favorite hoe: i have my resources, darling.

Charlie: In light of recent events, Alastor has told me that he is only using the groupchat when absolutely necessary.

Vaggie: I think that's best for everyone.

…

New chat created.

Vox added Valentino, Velvette to chat.

Vox named the chat The Vees.

Vox: Hello.

Valentino: Is this really necessary? We see each other 24/7.

Vox: It's just better for communication.

Vox: Plotting, scheming. Things of that nature.

Velvette: He just made it because he overheard Alastor talking abt a groupchat at the Overlord Meeting

Vox: NO I DIDNT 

Velvette: YES YOU DID YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME TWO MINUTES AGO

Vox: DO YOU EVER SHUT THE FUCK UP?

Velvette: NEVER :)

Vox: It makes more sense for us to have a groupchat than it does for him to have one. That ancient bastard can't even type.

Valentino: How do you know that?

Vox: I sent him a strongly worded email once and his reply was literal gibberish.

Valentino: Oooo someone wrote a love email <3

Vox: NO I FUCKING DIDNT

Velvette: we really need to work on ur anger issues babe.

Notes:

Hi again!!! Thank you so much for reading this! Chapter 2 will come eventually, probably before the end of the week, maybe even sooner because this fic is so fun to write.

Chapter 2: The Games I Play

Summary:

The Games I Play - Falsettos

Ask me to arouse you, I will rise and obey.
These are the games I play...

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Hazbin Hotel crew

radio daddy: Salutations everyone! I have just discovered the speech-to-text feature. It is now much easier for me to communicate, and I will be using this more often.

radio daddy: Also, I just can't figure out how to change my name. Angel Dust refuses to tell me how, so like this it will stay, to my reluctance.

ur favorite hoe: LMFAO UR STUCK WITH IT

ur favorite hoe: oh radio daddy~

radio daddy: Do not do that!

Charlie: Oooooookay everyone! It’s a good time to announce that we are doing trust exercises in the foyer in an hour! Today’s exercise: trust falls!

ur favorite hoe: charlie baby, i love ya but we’ve been doing the same 5 trust exercises FOREVER. we need to switch it up.

Charlie: Ok then. Any suggestions?

ur favorite hoe: you’ve already turned down my GENIUS bdsm suggestion before, so lemme think

ur favorite hoe: ya know what a real trust exercise is? uno. uno is how you find out who's your friend and who's not.

Sir Pentious: What is Uno?

ur favorite hoe: its like go fish but you want to kill everyone involved by the end and no one can agree on the rules.

Sir Pentious: Oooooo how fun!

Cockroach Killer: Sounds chaotic. I’M IN!!!

Vaggie: I do love a good game of Uno.

Charlie: Ok, everyone who wants to play Uno say aye.

Vaggie: Aye

radio daddy: Aye!

Sir Pentious: Aye

Cockroach Killer: Aye!!!!!

ur favorite hoe: aye

Husk: Why not. Aye.

Charlie: Alrighty! I’ll have to do some digging, but I’m sure I have a pack of Uno cards lying around here somewhere.

Vaggie: Want me to help you look?

Charlie: Yes please.

The Vees

Vox: Hey Val, can you tell that little fuckwad whore Angel Dust that if he ever steps foot onto my floor again I’ll snap his neck?

Valentino changed name to Val

Val: What makes you think that he did?

Vox: One of my phones is missing, and I have the CCTV footage to prove he stole it.

Velvette: vox, darling, you own like 20 phones. plus, you're literally a tv. you will live if you're missing one phone.

Vox: I wouldn't care if it was some rando, but this is one of Val’s souls. He needs to learn to respect the Vees a little more.

Velvette: i did design that bow tie for him and i never got a thank you

Val: That's because I never told him you designed it.

Velvette: OH YOU PRICK!

Val: And you say Vox has anger issues.

Vox: Anyway, just take care of the slut.

Vox: And if he says anything about Alastor, let me know

Val: You and this goddamn Alastor obsession.

Hazbin Hotel crew

Charlie: And what did we learn today?

Sir Pentious: That committing violence and attempting to strangle someone over a card game is… wrong?

Charlie: Yay!!!

Sir Pentious: But Alastor stacked it so I had to pick up SIXTEEN CARDS. That is INSANE.

Charlie: That’s not insane, that's just how you play the game.

Husk: That's not how I play it, and I’ve played Uno a million times. I said not to allow stacking.

Vaggie: Why do you play so often?

Husk: You’d be surprised how many casinos have an Uno table.

Vaggie: Huh.

radio daddy: The card stacking was not targeted, my serpentine acquaintance . You were just the person to my left on that particular turn.

radio daddy: I do admit that my strategy may have been a bit overzealous, but all is far in love and Uno.

Husk: Isn't the quote “All’s fair in love and war”?

ur favorite hoe: war, uno, what's the difference?

ur favorite hoe: husk, my love, can you pour me a drink? i need one before val calls me again.

Husk: Why do you always assume I’m at the bar?

ur favorite hoe: well, are u at the bar?

Husk: …Yeah.

Husk: What do you want?

ur favorite hoe: a vodka cranberry, pls and thank you

Husk: Coming right up.

ur favorite hoe: telling the whole group chat ur cumming? kinky~

Husk: I hate you.

ur favorite hoe: you love me.

Notes:

What's Val going to do with Angel? Does Uno exist in hell? Am I ever actually going to write a plot? Who knows! Anyways thanks for reading again, I really do love writing this fic. Probably getting updated again some time this week because I’m addicted to writing this. Constructive criticism and kudos are always appreciated!