Archive of Our Own

the sky is green, the grass is red

The first time Katsuki saw those green eyes they were stained by red, the color of his own orbits. It made the color stand out. In the far back of his memory of a six year old kid, he remembered a voice teaching him that this happened because they were complimentary colors. 

The boy was crouched in the far corner of the alley, hugging his own legs closely, his look was distant and there were two tracks of dried tears in his chubby freckled cheeks. Katsuki would only learn the word to describe his state some time later. The boy was in shock. 

What he knew was that no kid was supposed to be here, so he could sense that having two in the middle of this situation was making the adults get agitated. Katsuki was a very energetic boy, but something told him he should behave and be as uncharacteristically quiet as possible.  

Aizawa, his bodyguard, was talking with other members of the family, deciding what to do. Phone calls were made, people came and went, Katsuki couldn’t tell how much time passed. All he could do was fix his gaze at the boy with green hair that couldn’t be much older than him. Anything so that he wasn’t staring at the human figure that was now covered with a body bag. 

He thought he heard the old hag’s voice, which was weird because they only saw each other occasionally over dinner time. Then, he felt arms surrounding and squeezing him suffocatingly close, which was even weirder because he couldn’t remember the last time someone did that, far most his own mother. Probably sensing the same strangeness, she detached him from her shoulder and took a good look at his face. 

What troubled Mitsuki the most wasn’t the unprecedented display of affection in front of her men, but rather the easiness with which Katsuki accepted the embrace. The confused and seemingly lost look in her son’s usual intense, decisive eyes. It was supposed to be him.   

She shouted orders to her men. 

“What about the boy?”, Aizawa asked with a concerned tone. 

“Bring him to the house.”. It was all the answer he needed. 

Against his best judgment Katsuki turned around to take one last look at the boy. What he saw instead was a pool of red blood left by the body that was now being lifted. The bag dragged with it, the woman’s arm was left dangling off the edge as he stared at the white polished nails of the hand belonging to it. 

He never forgot the first corpse he ever saw.

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The last time Izuku saw those red eyes they were still open, but blank, devoid of any spark or their usual youthful mirth. And there was so much blood every fucking where. In the back of his mind, he was having a hard time to keep denying the fact that all that fluid was coming from the one man he ever loved. 

He was supposed to be there, as the best hitman of the family, he had earned his place as their heir’s protector. He still remembered the way Kacchan seethed when he was assigned the position, he raged and added a fierce intensity to his insults – he didn’t need a fucking babysitter nor a useless bastard guard dog, he could fend for himself quite well thank you. Once upon a time, Izuku would have believed those words, they would have stung deeply even. But now, after eleven years, he knew better. At that moment he even dared to have faith that those indignities had exactly the opposite meaning. Kacchan thought he could enclose his true feelings from the world with a razor-sharp tongue, and it worked with most people, but not with the few that could read his eyes. At that moment they were filled with fear. 

Mitsuki still had a vivid reminiscence of that night. She had never witnessed her son in such a vulnerable place. But there he was, her fifteen year old brat literally on his knees, begging her not to let Izuku assume his freshly assigned spot as one of the family’s youngest hitmans. As his mother, she knew that his heart held more than the eyes could meet. Katsuki hid himself under a thick carapace that was only pervaded by a handful of souls, the most frequent being a short teenager with green hair and nowhere else to go. Her heart felt proud, but sorrowful at the same time, watching how deeply her son could care for another human being, especially under the circumstances of his upbringing. However, as the head of the family, she couldn’t afford to let feelings like these take control nor set such a profitable asset aside. She did try to make things harder, yet the problem child even had the audacity of picking the once filled with scorn nickname and resignified it as a place of endurance as his new family’s codename. Yes, from now on, he would be known as Deku, and she knew in her guts he would become one of their greatest soldiers, whether Katsuki liked it or not. She watched how he tried to distance himself from the other boy, a sound decision, but she also knew it was only a matter of time. They wouldn’t manage to stay apart for long, and if she could have any control on the terms of how they would eventually fall together again, she most certainly would. 

From the moment he became Deku, Izuku trained and finished every assignment with the sole purpose of becoming hitman number 1. He knew the higher he got in the ranks, the closest he would get to Kacchan. It was not as if he thought the other boy was expecting it of him, right on the contrary, the more he advanced, the more the blond distanced himself. On every occasion they briefly met he couldn't even catch Izuku’s eyes. 

He spent nights in his ever comfier bed, no sleep in sight, wondering what he had done? What could he have done differently? He knew Katsuki didn’t like him becoming a hitman. For a while, he contemplated the idea that the red eyed boy was somehow jealous that Izuku was assigned to missions in different countries, when he still had to stay mostly under his mother’s sight, and even considered he might feel threatened by Izuku’s growth. But this was an idiocy under the green haired boy’s eyes, he was Kacchan after all, he was next in line on owning every man and everything under the family’s control. It was just a matter of time, Kacchan wasn’t exactly patient, of course, but he was astute and he learned very well how to act and live like the heir he was. So why, why did he have this attitude only towards Izuku? Again, Izuku’s heart already had his answer, but his mind, and everything he learned through the years inside these walls, wouldn’t let him afford to recognize it. Kacchan was everything to him, and if he could give his best to prove that he was worthy to be his protector, and then manage to be closer to him in that way, so be it. 

Things proceeded quite smoothly. There was also a part of Izuku that wondered if this should be harder, killing people for a living, that is. He only had flashes of when it was just him and his mom in that tacky apartment in the outskirts of the town. It was more like a feeling than a complete memory, it felt safe, it felt warm, as if nothing else could disrupt such a strong feeling. 

But, of course, life could. A bullet could. 

Izuku never truly learned what happened that day, but his mother was killed, and he was brought up to the house he was provided with. He wasn’t the only child there. The family was known for welcoming children to engross its rankings, be it as the payment of a debt or hosting stray kids with no other future prospects. The beginning wasn't easy, Izuku couldn’t really process the massive changes in his young life, so he remained silent for months. Yet, a fierce blond red-eyed boy always seemed to show up and challenge him, it would always go under the lines of “I doubt you can throw this rock farther than me!”, or “I will call you Deku, because only a Deku doesn't say or do anything”. Slowly, Kacchan brought Izuku out of the stupor and he even dared say they became real good friends. Until, one day, they weren’t anymore. 

The other boy started putting some distance between them, his tongue became sharper. Izuku got really upset. Kacchan’s friendship was the only relationship that was a constant in his life, and he just couldn’t afford losing this as well. So he kept insisting, everywhere the blond went, Izuku was there as well, shooting training? you got it; fighting lessons? sure; hitman being the most prestigious position a kid that wasn’t born in the family could get, that’s what Izuku would become. He would prove his worth, and he would preserve the most important bond he had ever known. That’s how he grew up to be an assassin.

The hardest step of his journey till that very moment was his initiation. On the day of his fifteenth birthday, Izuku could present his desired choice of position to his mentor and then he would be assigned a mission according to set spot. Being successful meant he had a place secluded in the organization, and a chance that the family’s head approved his new wished status. Failing meant imminent death. Depending on the position requited the mission could be easier or harder, as Izuku yearned to become a hitman, he knew his assignment would be tough, but when he found out his target was no one less than a capo from their biggest enemies – The League – he felt his stomach churn. It was not as if it was Izuku’s first mission, far from it. He had accompanied his mentor, All Might, in various different assignments in the last two years. Nonetheless, this would be his first solo work, the first killing under his name. 

He had a week to plan and memorize every single step he would make. The night before the D-Day, he was feeling absurdly anxious. He knew he should have a good night of sleep to be prepared for whatever challenge tomorrow would inevitably bring, yet all he could do was relentlessly pace around his tiny room, going over each detail of the plan. That was until a knock at the door disrupted his mumbling. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and hardly ever received any visitors, especially at night. Taking a deep breath he opened the door and was met with blond hair and blue eyes filled with fondness and concern.

“All Might? Wh-what are you doing here?” He couldn’t help but stutter. 

“Good evening, Young Midoriya. I hope I’m not disrupting your sleep.” He answered. “May I come in?”

“Y-yes!! C-come in! Don’t mind the mess, please.”

The tall scrawny figure did as he was told and opted to sit at Izuku’s desk table. The green haired boy closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed where he could be close to his mentor. It was only then he noticed the man was holding a box. He had a hunch of what it contained, but decided to quiet down his thoughts and wait. 

After some moments of silence, All Might sighed and with a smile proceeded. “I still remember the first time I saw you at the house. I had spent years abroad, and was finally ready to retire, well, the retirement our profession allows us, of course”. Izuku let himself share All Might’s smile. “I was ready to teach the kids the ways of the family, again very altruistic of me, but when I laid my eyes on you, that bony kid, all green, terrified, and yet with a sort of ruthless determination when paired with a certain blond explosive child”. Izuku averted his eyes then, it felt like it was a lifetime ago, and maybe it was. “Well, what I’m trying to say is that now you are fifteen, can you believe it? You’ve grown so much, Young Midoriya, and I am nothing but proud of you.” Tentatively, Izuku dared to raise his head and meet All Might’s stare. He found nothing but the utmost truth blatantly shown there. It squeezed his chest in a warm way, he felt tears threatening to spill from his eyes, and commanded them not to. “Well, I know it’s been a week already from your birthday, but I decided to give your gift to you just today, my apologies.”

“What?? No, no, there’s nothing for you to apologize for All Might, I mean you d-didn’t even have to give me anything!”. Izuku couldn’t help but cut through his mentor’s heartfelt speech.

“Well, in my defense, it is a gift that might be very useful tomorrow.” He gifted the box to Izuku and nodded encouragely for him to open it. So he did, finding exactly what he suspected to be the content. A gun. Not a new one, but a beautiful semi automatic killing machine. All Might’s favorite gun. “I wanted you to have something to remind you of where you came from, so you will not lose who you are on the battlefield tomorrow.  See, Young Midoriya, to kill a person is to lose a part of yourself, the first time you do it takes its toll. Having in mind the reasons you chose this path, and not just why it was the path chosen for you, helped me. I hope it helps you as well.” Izuku could feel the tears running freely down his face now, he didn’t have the strength to stop it, so he embraced them. “You are the closest thing to a son I’ll ever have, and just like every child that eventually grows up, I won’t be able to protect you. However, rest assured that anything in my power, you may count with me.’ The boy felt his mentor’s arms wrap around him in a tight hug. He let him, and relished in the warmth of it. “You will be great, Izuku”.

A few minutes later, All Might excused himself and advised Izuku to get as much sleep as he could. Deciding to acknowledge his mentor’s wishes, the boy just took one last look at his gift. That gun would certainly become one of his most beloved possessions, he would guard it with his life and vowed to use it with pride. He returned it to its box and placed it at his desk. True to his words he went to lie down to get some shut eye when he heard the door knocking again. Has All Might forgotten something? He proceeded to attend the door without a second thought, but he found another blond figure outside, this one with crisp red eyes and a scowl on his face. “K-kacchan??”

With a resolute sigh and an eye roll, the boy answered: “Yes, Deku, that’s me. Will you let me in or will I be left to rot here in this filthy corridor?”. Izuku’s mind was suffering from serious malfunctioning. Taking a hold of the situation, Kacchan decided to push past him to enter the room before anyone could spot their exchange. The green haired boy still needed several seconds to get out of his stupor and close the door. What in the world was Kacchan doing there? Why tonight of all nights? He opened his mouth to voice his questions out, but the other boy beat him to it. “Give up.” 

It was as if a bucket filled with ice cold water was dropped at Izuku’s head. “W-what?”.

“Cut the mumbling, you’ve heard it. Don’t go tomorrow.” 

What the hell was this all about? Izuku knew Kacchan wasn’t fond of the idea of him choosing to be a hitman, but he didn’t think he was so blatantly against it. “I don’t understand.” 

“You do. This is a suicidal mission, I mean, I know you’ve always had a death wish and simply cannot admit weakness, but you are not enough Deku.”  

Asking him to give up was low. He could handle not having support, but being seen as such a weakling made all the warmth he was feeling such a short while ago vanish. “I am”.

“No, you’re not. The old hag did this on purpose. No one truly believes you’re capable of killing one of our biggest enemies’ fucking capo. Common’ Deku you’re smarter than this.”

Izuku was feeling extremely confused and the anxiety was cramping and threatening to reach out his fragile grasp. He took a deep breath, tried to concentrate on his surroundings. What did he know? What was the only thing that would ground himself again? Izuku was always doubting his own self worth, but he was also getting better at this, with All Might’s help, with the handful of other kids from the house he would deem his friends. Izuku could do it, deep inside he knew it, he could do it. So, why was Kacchan here? Striking where it hurts as always. “Why are you saying all of this to me?”

Kacchan averted his eyes then. “Because it’s the truth. There’s still time to give up.”

“What? I won’t give up, Kacchan”. 

“YOU HAVE TO”. The loud words echoed, so blatantly dissonant on the calm night outside. Seconds that felt like an eternity of silence passed. Izuku felt his back hit the desk’s chair, he was unconsciously trying to make as much distance between the two of them as possible, but in a tiny room as his, it felt like a lost cause. He heard Kacchan sighing, trying to ground himself as well. “Look, I can help you escape. Isn’t it what you’ve always wanted? To go away?”.

The absurdity of those words hit Izuku like a punch in the guts, and all he could manage was to laugh. He laughed, and laughed, a sort of nervous maniac laughter that shook all his entrails. “Why the fuck are you laughing like this you fucking freak?”

If he wanted to escape? God, it was all he ever wanted for the first four years he had spent at the house, but now? He knew he had no other choice. He had passed that threshold a long time ago. For a long time he had made peace with the fact that the point of no return wasn’t tomorrow’s mission. Besides, where would he go? What would he do? That Izuku Midoriya, son of Inko Midoriya, a boy with green hair, green eyes and a future? He died with his mom. Two birds with one bullet. So no, he won’t go anywhere, and it’s charming that Kacchan thinks he even had this possibility. If he thinks he can’t do it, that he can’t be an assassin. So be it. He’ll prove him wrong. 

“Kacchan, thank you for coming. But, I stand with my choices. Tomorrow, I will accomplish my mission and I will become the greatest hitman you’ve ever witnessed. It’s a promise.” Izuku said it all looking straight into those crimson eyes. He saw confusion on them, then anger, and then something he couldn’t quite pinpoint, something almost like desperation, maybe even grief. It was weird. 

“Fuck you. At least you may never say I didn’t try to do something nice for you. When you come back as a corpse tomorrow it won’t be my fault.” With this final say the blond boy went straight out of the room leaving Izuku dumbfounded. Of all the things he would think that could happen on the eve of the most important day of his life. This was probably one of the last ones he would come up with. 

In the end, he remained true to his words. He accomplished the mission. It wasn’t easy, far from it, and he didn’t come back in one piece. However, it was enough. He earned the prized recognition and was welcomed as a true member of the family in the position he so much desired. In the end, Kacchan words worked just as they used to when they were children. In a crooked way, they encouraged him to go beyond, and in the same fashion he chose his codename as Deku. Equal parts a taunt and an endearing acknowledgement. 

The next two years were spent in countless missions, slowly but surely, Izuku was carving his space, and at such a young age was already largely respected and feared by the family and so many others. After that night at his room, his interactions with Kacchan became even sparser. The blond boy had his own requirements to fill if he wanted to become a valued boss. He also learned how to kill, but would only be requested to do it on symbolic occasions. If Izuku knew him any better he could have said Kacchan wouldn’t mind dirtying his hands more. Yet, the leash was always tight, and there was a good reason for it. He was the only heir, as well as young, and with these attributes comes recklessness. Either way, on the rare occasions the two found themselves in the same room, Izuku couldn’t help but feel a stare following his every move when the blond owner of said stare felt he wasn’t paying attention. 

Things stayed the same until one day Izuku was summoned to an audience at the boss’ study. Safe to say this had never happened before, his mind was fast to number all the possible reasons this was happening. He tried to think of any loose end he might have left behind, if he had said something he shouldn’t have, but his mind always traced back to the mission he had two weeks ago. He composed the commission that accompanied Kacchan to China as he was assigned to finish the discussion on the terms of their alliance treaty with the Triad. Izuku replayed the entire trip over and over in his head trying to pinpoint any flaw he overlooked, but came out empty. This was by far the most important mission he had in the last couple months, as well as the only one that the heir of the family was involved in, and as the boss of the family was his mother, it only made sense in Izuku’s mind that it had to do with it. All Might tried to calm him down saying he had nothing to worry about, giving him a conspiratory knowing smile. It only greatly confused him. Anyway, it wasn’t as if he had any choice, so when the day arrived, he made his way to the boss' study.  

He knocked politely and entered the room only when allowed. It was a marvelous room, there was a big window to the garden’s that spilled natural light into the room, by his left an entire wall was taken by an enormous bookshelf completely filled with all kinds of books. He couldn’t help but stare at them and think that the room did not scream mob to his eyes. In front of it, there was a large wooden desk with two chairs. The boss was sitting at her own big comfortable chair across the table with her look fixed on Izuku. 

“Do you have a taste for reading, Deku?”. Izuku was abruptly cut out of his thoughts by the boss’ question. 

“Uuhm, yes ma’am, I try to read in my free time.”. He could feel her enquiry gaze scanning him up and down. 

Eventually, she answered: “I see. I like to read a lot as well. Reading allows my mind to travel to places I don’t really have the luxury to be.” Izuku could empathize with this idea. It was one of the reasons he was also very keen to read. “Take a seat.”. He obeyed. “Well, I’ll head straight to the point as I don’t like losing my precious time more than necessary.” Izuku took a deep breath preparing for the blow that was inevitably coming. “I’ve heard you did an excellent job escorting my son to China a couple weeks ago”. Aah he knew it, he knew it! “You were the only one to notice that that hotel room wasn't the safest choice and all your development throughout the years made me reach this decision”. Oh here comes. “You’ll be Katsuki’s new personal bodyguard.” Wait, WHAT? 

A few silent awkward moments of shock passed with Mitsuki glaring at Izuku’s, waiting for his response. He decided to be brave (not intelligent). “Uhmm, ma’am, is Kac-Katsuki aware of this proposition?”  

“It’s not a proposition, Deku. It's an assignment. My son will not have a say into this. As you well know, we’re about to face dangerous times. I want my heir safe. You will grant me this.” 

Izuku was too stunned to produce words, and Mitsuki seemed to catch onto it, God he was making such a fool of himself in front of the head of the family. She sighed. “Look, I know he’s hard. Trust me, this is me thinking about the best for him, even if he would never acknowledge it. The point is Deku, I don’t trust Katsuki’s safety to anyone, but I feel that knowing your history, I can trust him with  you.” 

These words filled Izuku’s chest with a new found sense of duty. The boss really trusted Kacchan’s life to him. He could feel the solid weight of this role at his core. So he gave the only answer he could: “I promise. I promise I’ll take care of him with my life.”.

It was his eyes. His eyes when he said those words. He made her believe them. He made her believe he would never get hurt. 

It was a lie. 

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He shouted, he professed every indignity he could master, everything a spoiled brat would do when someone did something they didn’t want, anything he knew that would drive the old hag crazy. 

It didn’t work. 

He was stuck, with the only person that drove him nuts. Deku had this power over him – this per se was already reason enough for him to be insane – it made his chest churn, it made him want to squeeze something, to hurt, and he felt so angry. He didn’t know what to do, and this cluelessness made him even more helpless. He couldn’t name what he was feeling, everything felt clouded by anger,  so so much anger to just one being in the world. 

But, one battle at a time. 

He lost the first one. Deku would stay. He would be his fucking bodyguard. 

In every opportunity he had, he made a crystal clear point for Deku to hear: he didn’t need a fucking babysitter nor a useless bastard guard dog. 

It was tangible, the weight of the words. It still took its toll on the green haired bastard even after so many fucking years. Pathetic. But, it worked. It worked, because it put some distance between them. 

Katsuki could deal with the distance. It was the only solution he could ever come up with. It was easier this way. Easier than untangle the threads of the bomb that resided inside his chest.   

A year. They managed a fucking year. Then the bomb exploded. 

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It wasn’t even a mission. It was a simple task, mostly. He was supposed to bring Kacchan to accompany the first delivery resulting from the deal he settled with the Chinese. They were at a warehouse by the port, and everything went smoothly. He smelled it before he felt it, something that made the hairs of his arms stand.  They were about to enter the car to go back to the mansion, when everything literally went to the air. 

A fucking bomb went off. 

Izuku’s body moved on autopilot. He jumped on top of Kacchan. Even though the latter was taller and bigger than him, he knew he had to use everything he had to protect him. It scorched, his ears were ringing, and he could feel a throb of intense pain at his left side, but his mind screamed: take him out of here. So he got up, and gave an overall check at Kacchan. He didn’t seem heavily injured, just dirty and confused. He lifted him up, placed him inside the car, still covering him with his own body, then shouted to the driver to hit the road. At least he thought he screamed, because he wasn't hearing properly for sure. Izuku watched as the heir gathered his surroundings again, his eyes bulging and lips moving, but there was no time to pay attention to it. 

A lot of time and no time at all passed, but finally Izuku noticed they were back  at the family complex, not at the front of the mansion, but at the pathway to the infirmary. Yeah, that made sense. The car stopped, the door opened, and only then did he really get off of Kacchan. They were carefully taken from the car, the blond boy still eyed him with a sort of concern very foreign to his standard gaze. His hands were red? Izuku wanted to say he was ok, that he wasn't the one he should be worried about. But, then, a sharp pain made its way to his clouded brain. What the hell? Only then he decided to take a look at his left side, where the pain seemed to come from.

Oh.

There was a shard of some metallic metal puncturing his side. 

His vision started to cloud. Everything went black. 

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Katsuki thought he knew what despair was. He thought he knew what anger was. Oh, he was so wrong. 

Witnessing Deku saving his life in such a carefree fashion made him angry. As if the stupid nerd’s life wasn't worth a single damn thing to himself. He would really give it away if it meant Katsuki’s were spared.

Fuck him! 

He didn’t ask for it, and now the dweeb was undergoing a life or death situation in an operation room Katsuki had no power over. All he could do was wait and his chest felt so compressed he thought it would combust. 

Hours passed. He never felt so alone, so defenseless. 

He waited in an uncomfortable chair. Eventually, he doze off, his past self would be laughing at his face, hahaha such an easy target. He came to with a hand touching his shoulder. He almost jumped at his place. 

“Fuck!” He couldn’t help but barge gathering his surroundings. He found the last person he thought that would be there. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s very good to see you too and in one piece, ungrateful son.” He heard her answer. 

Well, his question wasn’t completely out of place. It was far from normal for the head of the family to come to the hospital herself to check the condition of a soldier. Deku must have really jumped in the ranks if the old hag was here in person. Damn. 

They felt silent for a while, Mitsuki’s eyes roaming her son’s body, double checking what the doctor’s had most certainly told her already. He was completely fine. A little bruised, kinda scratched, but fine . Deku took the blow, and it resulted in him being fucking impaled by a pipe or something.

“Are you really okay?”. Of course, she couldn’t help but ask the obvious. 

“Yes, mom. As you can see I’m not the one on the operating table right now.”

She sighed. “It is a pity, he really was doing a good job. He even saved your life today.”

“Huuh??? What are you talking about? The fucking nerd did no such a thing! And being the stupid pain in the ass he is, he will definitely get out of that fucking room singing surrounded by birds as a Disney princess!”

He received a well known look in return. “Keep your voice down, Katsuki, you are in a fucking hospital yard and I didn’t raise you like this.” 

He thought on responding that she wasn’t the one who raised him at all. That job was delegated for the maidens and cooks, for the bodyguards and teachers. But he decided against it, trying to placate the roaring storm inside his chest, when he felt her hand at his shoulder returning. 

He let himself lean against his mother’s touch. 

Mitsuki Bakugou wasn’t a person to demonstrate her feelings. Hell, Katsuki didn’t really stand a chance in this regard. This was the second time she really thought she would lose him. The second time a Midoriya went in the way of the impact. She hoped there would never be a third. Still, she relished in this rare moment of shared affection with her son. Her son.

Five days.

Deku only came to after five fucking days. 

Katsuki came back every evening to check on him. He didn’t know why, but the only thing that made him feel slightly better was watching that green moss of hair splayed at the hospital bed. Breathing. 

In the morning of the fifth day, Aizawa woke him up with the news that Deku recovered his consciousness. Everything was going to get back to normal. 

He was told the first thing he asked was where Kacchan was. 

A rare smile graced his lips. 

Three weeks. 

Deku was discharged from the hospital after three weeks, and only because he was about to be held in the house’s infirmary. 

Katsuki hadn’t come back to the hospital since those first nights. Yet, he was constantly asking Aizawa for updates. The older man always informed him about Deku’s everyday improvement, and never inquired about the questions per se. 

Still, he was met with a problem when the green eyed boy was about to be transferred to their infirmary. The hospital gave him time and space. Now, Deku would be close once again, but Katsuki still hadn’t untangled the wires. He was starting to have an idea of how to, but what this implied was still too much for him. 

So he waited. 

Some would argue that he chickened out. 

(He would have beaten them to death if he had heard it) 

He managed to avoid the infirmary for another week. But, then even Aizawa was given him foul looks and refused to bring any updates. 

So he went. It felt as if he was going to meet death itself. His heart beat so fast it seemed it was going to spill out of his mouth. Get a fucking grip Katsuki!!

He stopped by the closed door. Took a deep breath and knocked. 

“Come in.” That sunshine voice replied. Seriously, how could an assassin be so fucking.. uuuh.. cute. 

He came inside. When those veridian eyes got hold of who passed through the door, Katsuki thought they would get out of Deku’s face. 

“Easy, it’s just me.” He gave a once over at the shorter boy’s body. He was still pretty bandaged, had an IV plugged to his left hand, and looked skinnier than a month ago. But, compared to the boy stuck at a cacophony of medical equipment a month ago, Deku looked great. He looked fucking alive. 

Then he had the audacity to smile. “It would never be just you, Kacchan.”. 

Fuck. 

He was down so badly. 

He knew how to entangle the wires now. He still thought the bomb would go off either way. 

(Damn, enough of the bomb analogies already) 

He decided to start where he was still comfortable. “How are you feeling?” 

“B-better, much better! Uhm, they allowed me to start eating pasty food, and if everything goes as expected I will start to eat solids next week.” He sounded excited. 

“Sounds delightful.”. He punched himself internally. “How about physiotherapy?” 

“Oh, I’ll be starting it tomorrow, slowly, of course. Uhm, I am already able to go to the bathroom on my own, but it’s really tiring overall.”. Looking more resigned now.  

“Jesus, I would have already gone crazy if I were in your shoes.” Katsuki couldn’t help, but remark. It was the truth, and it took him closer to what he came here to say. “Look, Dek..”.

“K-Kacchan”. They both spoke at the same time. “Y-you first!”.

“No, you first.”. It was the bare minimum Katsuki could do, this much he could agree. 

Deku sighed, but accepted the turn. “Kacchan, I just wanted to say that, what happened, I-I take full responsibility for it. I should have noticed something was off earlier, and they almost got to hurt y..”

“ Shut up .” Anger rose exponentially inside him again. Shit, There goes chivalry. He sighed and held his head at his hands trying not to explode, because it was so fucking unbelievable, but at the same time so fucking Deku, to have the first words out of his damned mouth right after an almost death experience to be an apology. “Don’t fucking apologize, ok?”

The confused look at Deku’s face was almost comical. “Ok??”

“No, no you don’t get it. You almost died, you stupid nerd. Have some sense of life perseverance for christ sake.” He couldn’t help, but spill. 

“But, I thought you were angry.. I-I mean, you didn’t visit, so I thought you were mad that I failed, and..”.

“ Yes , Izuku, I was mad. But, not because you fucking disappointed me. Fuck, you saved my life, you asshole.” Shit, it really went out of his mouth right? “Fine, I admit it ok! I’m just here because you got fucking impaled in my place! I was angry because I-I was terrified!” There goes, nothing, he thought. “I was terrified of losing you, of of losing you and not even apologizing to you for all the shit I’ve put you through. It scared me ok? You dying in fucking oblivion, because you can’t see a fucking thing that’s far from your arms reach.” He turned his head trying to look anywhere but Deku’s general direction, and felt the tears he kept the entire month finally running free down his face. What a shitshow. 

“You- You called me Izuku?” 

He laughed then and there returning his stare to the idiot in front of him.

He just couldn’t believe it. “Is this the only part you catch from all the shit that I’ve just said? Really ?” He tried to calm his breath and heartbeat to no avail. 

Some moments of stunned silence passed through the trouble boys. 

Deku cut it out first. “I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing, you know?” He gestured with his hands as if they could illustrate what he was trying to say. “My body just moved on its own. I-I had to save you. I didn’t even know what was happening, trust me.” He said looking straight into his red eyes. “I was also terrified, but I couldn’t let you… I couldn’t let you..” His voice trailed off until it dropped off entirely. He didn’t manage to say the word out loud. Katsuki understood, he couldn’t as well. 

When he noticed he was already by the bed. Apparently his body also moved on its own. 

He reached for Deku’s hand and softly, a softness he didn’t even know he possessed, he took it on his own. It was cold, much colder than his hand. The stark contrast made him shiver, or maybe it was for an entirely different reason. He couldn’t really tell. 

What was he doing? Where did he want to get? Just a little more bravery, Katsuki. Some honesty would only do some good right? He sat on the edge of the bed.

He dared to look up. He met the green orbs, looking just as surprised as he expected them to be. Slowly, oh so slowly, he got closer, and closer.

He left enough time to Deku back away if he wanted to, though he wished he wouldn’t.

He kept glaring at a sea of green until they got so close he had no choice but to close his own eyes. 

Izuku met him halfway. 

Their mouths crashed. They clearly didn’t know what exactly they had to do. Hah, almost eighteen and no idea on how to properly kiss, way to go, Katsuki. Yet, the jolt that coursed through his body was telling him otherwise, he could only be doing something right, because the spark of warmth feelings flowing in his chest felt something unlike anything he had ever experienced. Just like so many other things, he was willing to learn how to do it with Izuku, and Izuku only. 

Too soon, they parted for breath. 

Mind still clouded, the weight of what he just did still not quite reaching him. 

Then, he opened his eyes and was met with the most endearing smile he ever witnessed. 

Shit, he was doomed. 

Because he would make hell rise and heavens fall to protect that smile. 

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Rationally, Izuku knew it was wrong. 

He was Kacchan's protector; he couldn’t be making out with him in the middle of a random room of the mansion. 

But, he just couldn’t find the strength to stop it. Not when his heart felt so full, and Kacchan’s kisses felt so fucking good. 

From the day of their first kiss, Izuku assumed it would be harder. That they would find setbacks on their own feelings and barriers around each other. He couldn’t be more wrong. They have seen each other every single day since, and their relationship only evolved. They became more handsy, they began doing things Izuku never really considered before, but if it was with Kacchan, he welcomed it. They had a hunger around each other, he felt as if he wanted to swallow his blond lover – his lover – whole. Blame it on the near death experience, or in their dangerous lifestyle, it didn’t matter, each time could be the last, and they had this silent agreement of making the most out of each precious moment together. 

It was like a fever dream for the first six months. Sometimes Izuku wondered if that pipe accomplished his purpose and he was just living the most amazing afterlife, or, perhaps he was still in a hospital bed in a coma-like state, also living in his fantasies. Either way, he didn’t want to wake up. 

But, of course he had to. 

After those six months, Izuku was finally allowed to go back to action. Nothing radical, but he was about to get assigned to missions again accompanying Kacchan around. At first, he thought that after so much time of only having red eyes staring at him in the distance, the proximity would be a blessing. It wasn’t. Being around Kacchan having to behave as if he was devoid of all emotion was taking its toll in Izuku’s mindset. He thought being a hitman was tiring, but putting a façade everyday, even if it meant protecting the person he most cared about in the world, was even more drenching. Kacchan seemed to deal with the whole situation in a better manner. At the back of his mind, Izuku wondered how much time Kacchan spent pretending. How much of the real Katsuki he stored inside. He couldn’t help but feel giddy for being one of the few people allowed to see his true self. If the façade was already stunning, his heart was something he couldn’t quite put at words. 

They also worried about not being spotted, of course. But, All Might was already giving him weird glances, and he was certain Aizawa looked even more sleep deprived than usual. It was a gambit, he knew. He recognized that it was a relationship with an expiring date. Kacchan was his family’s heir, and in this business marriage was still a valuable currency. Their world was also extremely patriarchal, he didn’t even know if Kacchan liked girls as well, but his heart suffered to think that when the time came, he wouldn’t marry for love. The only thing Izuku knew was that he would always be there. No matter what, he would be there to protect him, and make sure he lived the life he was destined to live.

Or so he thought. 

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Katsuki knew they were being reckless. 

Damn, he was a reckless person, and when it came to Izuku he just couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t lie that day at the hospital. He felt scared. 

What he didn’t count on was the fact that the fear only got bigger. 

The closest he got from Deku, the more lost he felt, lost in such a big feeling that felt stronger than himself. He couldn’t acknowledge it. But, oh he could live via damage containment. 

So that’s what he did. 

Everytime he received one of those looks from Aizawa, he thought of a different strategy. Different places they could get together without getting spotted. Funny enough, their most recurrent meeting site became the dark room. 

Morbid, he knew. But kinda kinky as well, not that he would ever admit it out loud. 

(They even manage to hide a mattress there,  don’t fucking ask )

It worked for over a year. 

Then, there came the talk. 

The old hag summoned him to her study. Katsuki knew that could only mean trouble. If it was something nice she would have intercepted him on his way. There was no avoiding it so he decided to rip the band aid off at once. 

He barged into her study and sat at the sofa by the window, not in one of the desk chairs, never in the place where the extras were finished. He even got one of the chocolate truffles she stuffed in the glass container on the table. “Wanted to see me?” 

Only then, she deigned to raise her head and meet his eyes. It was death’s glare. “Yes, Katsuki, I summoned you here.” 

“So, will you get this over with already, cause I got a lot of shit to do.” 

“Oh, like your bodyguard.” She monotoned back. 

His blood went cold. Fuck, he knew that there was a slight chance that this was the topic of the scolding, but he was putting his cards on the deal with that Korean enterprise that he kinda screwed up last month. 

Not only did she drop the bomb, as he asked her to, she insulted Deku as well.

What the actual fuck. How did she know? What gave them away?

He had two possibilities now. He could deny or he could bank his choice. 

“No use denying it. I have eyes, you know.” 

Fuck. One possibility. 

“What do you want?”. He opted to ask. 

She laughed then. “Oh, Katsuki, what do I want? Well, I really wanted this escalating tension we’re having with The League would die down, already. I wanted to freely possess the biggest syndicate of all Asia. I wanted my son, my fucking heir , to understand his vital place in this big organism that I try to control, but apparently he deems more import to fuck his bodyguard. I thought you needed a friend, but all you needed was a whore!”.

Katsuki saw red. “Shut up! You don’t get to talk about Deku like that! Take his name off of your fucking dirty mouth you bitch.” 

She slapped him. 

Katsuki couldn’t remember ever being slapped by her. Not like this, at least. Not like it meant what it meant. 

He put his façade back on and responded. 

“Don’t worry. From now on, I’m not your son anymore. I’m not even your heir if you don’t want to. Do whatever the fuck  you want.”.

Then, he left without another glance back. 

She regretted it. The moment her fingers reached his face, she could only feel remorse by her actions. But, as a good Bakugou, she couldn’t show it. So she commended her eyes to stay firm. Do not show any weakness. It was the last time they really talked. He didn’t even slam the door. 

The old hag designed Deku in a different position. Aizawa became his old new main bodyguard. He felt six again. 

After that they began seeing each other only outside the family complex. 

Stolen moments in all kinds of rooms. 

Katsuki didn’t care. As long as he had Izuku in his arms, it was all that mattered. 

Things were getting harder, their meetings became sparser. He felt more and more like a shell of himself. 

They were on the bridge of a big conflict with The League, and Katsuki knew they had to be extra careful. If anyone found out about their thing, they wouldn’t hesitate to use them against each other. 

Deep down he knew it would work. 

Katsuki had a meeting at an office downtown. He wouldn't be alone, other capos were also attending the reunion, and Deku was assigned to the escort as well. It was the perfect opportunity to escape to a nearby hotel. They left the mansion together, but went into separate cars in the convoy. 

At this point it was so weird to leave without Deku at his sight, it felt wrong. But, he shook the worry away. His car parked in front of the building and Aizawa opened the door and he stepped outside. 

It happened so fucking fast. 

He couldn’t tell when the shooting started, he didn’t know where it was coming from. Aizawa overcame the stupor first, and started shooting back in every direction trying to shield Katsuki. He took his own gun, and began shooting as well. 

No Deku in sight. Damn.

It was then that he saw him. Codename shigaraki, only heir of The League. What the fuck was he doing there? 

Katsuki didn’t hesitate. If he ended him, he ended everything. No one had spotted him yet, he had a chance. 

He shot, and he could swear he got at least one bullet on the target. Then, he heard shouts. Not a diffuse shouting, the sound was being directed to him. He felt numb all of a sudden, and when he gathered his surroundings again he had already fallen to the ground. He wasn’t breathing properly anymore. 

What the fuck was happening? 

He looked down at his chest and understood. 

The last thought that graced his mind was of a milky skin sprinkled with freckles, like a galaxy. Green hair, so soft, and the greenest eyes he would ever see. 

Izuku. 

I’m sorry. 

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He was late. 

When he got there it was too late. 

He lost all sense of control and reality the moment he took sight of his Kacchan. Of those red eyes that were still open, but blank, devoid of any spark or their usual youthful mirth. He executed every single being that was still standing on the other side of the battle, including an already injured shigaraki. There was so much blood on their own side as well. Izuku just couldn’t acknowledge where it mostly came from. 

They took him to the hospital. An ember of hope danced in his chest. He couldn’t give up. 

But when he got back to the mansion and was summoned by the boss he already knew. He didn’t want to believe it. But, he knew. 

The moment the phone rang, she knew it was about him. She could feel it in her bones, like a mother’s sixth sense. Even though he had destituted her from this position. She would always be his mother. There was a shooting, they’ve said. He was taken to the hospital. He was in a critical condition. A bullet to the heart. She felt it as well, in her own chest. She knew she had to get up from her desk and do something, go to the hospital, give him her heart, anything . But, she couldn’t find the strength. She felt like a little kid, wanting to hide under her mother’s skirt. She humorlessly wondered, what was all her power for? What was the worth of being the head of her family if she couldn’t even protect the only human being she still cared for. The last thing that crossed her mind was the bitter inquiry: would the outcome have been any different if the boy had been there with him? Reluctantly, she admitted, she would never know. However, what she would never admit out loud was: it was all her fucking fault. 

Izuku saw in Mitsuki the same thing he saw in himself: a total wrecked person.   

They would never be the same. The weight of their loss could never be overcome. Against all odds, they became the only ones that could truly understand each other, that could connect through their grief. 

So Izuku promised. He promised he would avenge Katsuki. 

And so he did it. 

In the next couple of months he only breathed and lived with the sole purpose of annihilating each and every member of The League. Mitsuki allowed him to bring the kids he found in their ranks to the house, but besides them, no mercy was shown. 

It took him less time than he had expected. Which was really sad, because while he was focused on the action he didn’t have time to think, to feel. Now that it was all over, he just felt numb. He spent an entire week in his bed. He couldn’t even recall what happened in the meantime. It was as if he laid down on Sunday, closed his eyes for a bit and it was Saturday again. 

If the moment he and Kacchan firstly got together felt like he was in heaven, this was more than clearly what hell would feel like. What hurt the most though, was knowing that he could only acknowledge this because he once felt the joy of being loved. 

Izuku had some regrets about his life choices. But most definitely, what he regretted the most was never telling Kacchan he loved him. Three fucking words, and he wasnt brave enough to speak them outloud. What was his problem? The thing is, a part of himself knew Kacchan recognized his feelings, but there was something that only the usage of the right language can convey, and love is a very potent word. It can mean everything and just one tiny gesture at the same time. He loved Katsuki with all his being. 

He would always love Kacchan. 

He had no idea how to move on. 

(he didn’t know if he even wanted to)

Then, Monday came, and with it a knock on the door. He wondered if he just ignored it, the person on the other side of the door would give up. But, the knocks persisted, no such luck then. In a monumental effort, Izuku got out of his bed and went to see who it was. 

Just like on the eve prior to his initiation mission, he found a tall figure with blond hair there.

“All Might?”.

The look filled with pity that filled his mentor’s face once he gave a once over glance through Izuku’s state almost made him nauseous. He knew he looked bad, yet he had no intention of addressing it at the moment. “Young Midoriya, may I come in?”.

Izuku seriously considered closing the door in his face, but he knew it would be useless in the end. Sighing, he just opted to go back to the bed and leave the path unobstructed again. All Might got the cue and entered the room, closing the door behind him. This was not the same room he once gifted Izuku with his old gun that was still placed in the same box in the closet, it was a much larger and fancier one. But, he couldn’t care less, it felt just as empty as himself. 

If All Might got shaken by the sight he found inside said room he didn’t let it show. Instead he said: “Young Midoriya. I know the last couple of months haven’t been easy for you.”. The understatement of the century, Izuku’s mind provided. “I remember that night five years ago, when I got into your room right before your initiation. I gifted you then with one of my most prized possessions. You took great care of it, Izuku. I told you that night and I’ll say it again: I am incredibly proud of you.” The sense of déjà vu got even stronger when the tears began running freely down his face, tears he was holding back for months now. “What you’ve been through, son. Not everyone would get through. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel broken…” He paused and wrapped his arms around the younger boy's trembling figure in an attempt to steady him. “It’s okay to cry, son. You’ve been holding back, so much, for so long. Let it go.” 

Izuku obeyed. He cried, and cried, until he felt dry. 

Only when he had calmed down, All Might continued. “Well, I’m not only here to comfort you, son. I have a mission to accomplish.”

“W-what? Mission? No, no I can’t.. I”

“It’s okay, Young Midoriya, all you need to do is get up and get dressed. Do you think you can do it? I can assist you if you wish.”

“Yes.. I-I need help.” 

Izuku didn’t need to say another word. True to his words, All Might helped him get off the bed and into the warm water of the bathtub he filled for him. Then, he proceeded to ask which clothes he preferred. Izuku couldn’t care less, yet he pointed at a black jacket that belonged to Kacchan. Maybe, just maybe, if he wore something that belonged to him, he wouldn’t feel so helpless. 

When he was ready, All Might slowly escorted him in the direction of the mansion’s garden. 

“What kind of mission is this, All Might?”. Izuku eventually asked his mentor. 

After some moments of careful consideration, he answered. “Well, Mitsuki herself asked me to take you somewhere.”

“What??”

“We’re almost there, Young Midoriya, I think it will be easier when you see it for yourself.”. It was only then that Izuku noticed they had passed through the gardens and were now approaching the infirmary quarters which made absolutely no sense. 

He felt resistant about entering it, that place held so many memories, bad and great ones. He glanced at All Might, he hoped to convey exactly the desperation that was taking over his chest, he just wanted to go back to his bed, please, he pleaded. But, he was met with a serene but solid look. It gave him strength, it told him, you can do it. It will be good for you. 

He chose to believe it. 

All Might guided him to a room at the end of the corridor, a room Izuku never saw being used before. He held the door knob, after one last reassuring glance at his mentor and a deep sigh he opened the door. 

Time stood still. 

He was met with the most dashing red eyes he had ever seen. 

Alive. Battered, but sparkling with life. 

“Izuku”.

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There was not even an hour after Izuku had left her study, the phone rang again. 

“He’ll make it… They don’t know how Mitsuki, but he is alive.”