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The first time you notice the tremors, it's five minutes into dinner - the entire island of Pabu had gathered together to throw a feast in honor of Hunter and Wrecker bringing their family home, Omega and Crosshair. They'd escaped the prison on Tantiss, reunited with the Marauder and found themselves heading to the sanctuary in no less than five rotations. Echo and Rex had also arrived with them, having met their brothers at the rendezvous point and to ensure that the Empire wouldn't follow them here.
Things hadn't gone back to normal since Tech had died, you doubted they ever would, but here and now, in this moment, you knew that his sacrifice had not been in vain. Crosshair was sitting beside you, picking at the food on his plate as he listened to Omega recounting their daring escape from Hemlock's clutches. He looked… haunted, a shadow of the man he was the last time you'd seen him… which was almost a lifetime ago now. It pained you to see him like this, your heart ached for what he and Omega had suffered.
“It's nothing.” His gruff voice broke through your thoughts and you saw Crosshair looking at you.
“What's nothing?” You asked, knowing all too well that he had caught you staring at his right hand. Had seen it shaking.
“I'm fine.”
“I never said you weren't.”
“Hmph.”
He seemed content to leave it for the moment, not wanting to draw attention… more than he already was the center of. Still, you weren't about to just let things slide.
Without saying a word, you scooted closer to Crosshair, knowing that no one was surprised by it and neither of you cared if they did. And while you rested a hand on your cheek as you focused on Omega talking about how she helped Batcher heal, you slipped your free hand into Crosshair's and gave it a soft, comforting squeeze.
“And when I grabbed the bacta-” Omega paused mid-sentence, “Crosshair? Are you okay?”
She wasn't sure what had happened exactly, but when she noticed Crosshair's eyes widening in surprise, she trailed off from her tale.
“Fine. Just fine. Go ahead with the story, Omega.”
“Cross?” Wrecker turned to look at him as well, his brows furrowed as his eyes darted between the two of you.
In response, Crosshair shook his hand free from yours and held them both up in mock surrender.
You would have felt that sting in your heart if it weren't for the fact that you saw him glancing your way when everyone went back to the story. And whether it was a trick of the firelight or something else, you could have sworn on the Force itself that there was a flicker of a smile on Crosshair's face.
The second instance happens a few days later; everyone has settled into a familiar pattern on the island while waiting for the next mission or the next strike to come crashing down on this tentative peace that's formed… but in the meantime, life on Pabu stays the way it mostly has… with one difference. Crosshair has taken up target practice in the courtyard at any given time of the day.
For most people who live in the Upper levels of the island, they've learned to avoid encountering him from stories that Phee has spread amongst everyone - mostly at Omega's insistence. You and Hunter have both seen the protectiveness that she has towards the older clone ever since their return; something you're both grateful to see.
“Kriff it all!” You happen to be the only other person in the courtyard when you hear Crosshair swearing.
He'd taken up training with his Firepuncher once more, but after missing the bullseye again, he was ready to throw the sniper off the cliffside.
“Oh no you don't.”
In the blink of an eye, you sprinted over to where Crosshair stood and ducked under his arm, coming to rest your back against his chest.
“Y/N? Wh-” Crosshair could scarcely say more than one word before you reached up and wrapped your hand over his.
“I need some practice myself Cross, you promised to train me didn't you?”
“Your hand doesn't have to be over mine for that though Y/N.” He replied gruffly.
Without letting go of your hold on his hand, you turned around to look at him. “Do you ever give anyone permission to touch your Firepuncher?”
Crosshair closed his eyes and took a deep breath to settle his nerves. You were right about everything you'd just said and he knew it.
“Fine. You can stay.”
He lifted his hand to aim his rifle at the target once more, with yours moving in perfect sync - completely steady now - and when he fired off a shot, it hit the bullseye.
And then came the third and final time. Omega had been living in your quarters for quite a while now, but every once in a while, she would sneak out of the room that she shared with you. There was something comforting and safe about the Marauder even now that drew her there when the nightmares became too much; but knowing that Hunter spent most of his time on the ship, you weren't worried when you entered the modest hut one night and found it empty, save for the note that Omega had left for you -
“Gone to stay on the Marauder tonight Y/N! I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast and we can have a sleepover tomorrow? - Omega.”
You smiled at the thoughtfulness that the young clone had, to take the time out at leave a note so that you didn’t worry was one of the many reasons why you and her had bonded so closely together; Omega was like the younger sister you had always wanted and you were happy to know she had so many brothers looking out for her as well. Since there was nothing much left to do for the night, you decided to get some sleep; the last thought on your mind before you drifted off was to wonder if Crosshair was doing better or not - he was refusing to talk about the hand tremors with anyone, but at least he was able to keep it under control thanks to your help.
~ KNOCK KNOCK ~ ~ KNOCK KNOCK ~
The loud banging outside your hut startled you awake. How much time had passed since you’d fallen asleep? Was there an attack incoming? Who could it be at such a late hour? Grabbing a blaster that was hidden under your pillow, you tiptoed over to the door; by now the knocking had stopped.
“Who is it?” You called out carefully, thinking maybe Hunter was walking Omega back for the night?
“It’s me.” A familiar voice answered back and you sighed in relief. Crosshair.
“Just a sec.”
“Yeah…”
You unlocked the door quickly and opened it to reveal… a sheepish looking Crosshair, who clearly hadn’t slept at all, but he didn’t look as anxious as before, if anything, you briefly thought he might have looked nervous. Or perhaps having been jolted awake was making you see things that weren’t there.
“Can I come in, Y/N?”
“Of course,” you stepped aside to let him inside, “is everything okay?”
Instead of coming further in to where the bedroom was, Crosshair stayed by the entrance, as if he was unsure of his decision to come to see you in the first place.
“Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t…” He sighed as he leaned against the closed door and looked down at you,
watching him with such worry on your face, “Couldn’t stop the tremors this time.” He finally admitted.
“Oh.”
“I shouldn’t have come here.”
Almost immediately, he was ready to leave and go back to his own quarters to try and forget this moment had ever happened. Crosshair wasn’t someone who was used to being this vulnerable, but kriff it all, he couldn’t help himself when he was around you.
“No.” Reaching out, you grabbed his hand, “Stay, please.”
You did what you always did when you saw his defenses going up; you slipped right through the walls before they could shut you out. And for whatever reason, something that Crosshair couldn’t put into words, he just… gave in. To all of his fears and worries that had been eating away at him ever since Tantiss. No, not then. Since the day he had betrayed his brothers and left them to die. When Order 66 had come through and he hadn’t faltered; when Kamino was destroyed and he was left alone; when Tech died and he hadn’t been there to save him.
“Y/N… I… I’m broken. There’s no fixing this. There’s no fixing me. I’m just as defective as I was when they made me.” Crosshair fell to his knees, covering his face with the very hand that had given up on him.
“Hey, hey… look at me, Cross. Look at me.” You knelt in front of him and took his hand in yours, “You are not broken and there is every chance of you getting better. It’s not about fixing you and there is absolutely nothing defective about you. What you’ve been through is more than any one person goes through in their life, kriff, what hundreds of people go through and we’ve all been at war for so long now, so I know a little something about that. You’re here now, on the other side of everything and you are not alone. You have your brothers. You have Omega. And you have me. We’re not going anywhere and we’re going to be with you every step of the way.”
“Why? Why would you forgive me for everything that I put you through? That I put my family through?”
“You said it yourself. We’re family. That’s what family does.”
“I don’t… I don’t deserve any of it.”
“Well. Tough, because that’s what you’re going to get. And more than just forgiveness if I have any say in the matter. Which I do.”
“I am sorry. For all of it.”
“I know Cross, I know.”
You were still holding his hand in yours when he finally looked up to meet your gaze. The shaking had stopped as it always had. And as it always would.
“Come with me Cross.” You whispered softly.
He simply nodded and got to his feet, letting you lead the way as you walked back to the bedroom. Without needing to say anything, you pointed at the bed and waited until he had gotten under the covers before you followed. And when Crosshair reached over to give you his hand once more to hold onto, you smiled at him and took it, with the two of you falling asleep side by side… knowing that whatever happened tomorrow, you would face it together.