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[REC. START]
A.F: “I’ve got a couple of questions for you, take a seat.”
P: [Mumbling, inaudible]
A.F: “Can you repeat that please?”
P: “Does my right to attorney apply in space?”
A.F: [pauses] “Maybe Santiago actually has something to do now.”
P: [Silence]
A.F: “But to answer your question, no, because I’m not a cop, and we’re far past American jurisdiction.”
P: “Damn.”
A.F: “Anyways, let’s get started. What’s your name?”
P: “Pyrite.”
A.F: “Last name?”
P: “Just Pyrite.”
A.F: “Alright.” [Sigh] “ How old are you?”
P: “Old enough.”
A.F: “Give me a more specific answer.”
P: [No response]
A.F: “Neither of us are leaving until you give me a number.”
P: “I’ve got nowhere to be.”
[LONG PAUSE]
A.F: “Over or under 18?”
P: “Over.”
A.F: “Good enough.” [Pauses, pencil scratching can be heard] “Why did you break into the ship?”
P: “My momma told me I should get out of the house more often” [Sarcastic]
A.F: [Silence]
P: “I needed to get out of my situation.”
A.F: “So you decided your best and easiest route was to break into a million-dollar space expedition?”
P: “Yup.”
A.F: [Annoyed sigh, more pencil scratching]
P: “How many more questions do you got?”
A.F: “A few.”
P: “Boy oh boy, I haven’t been interviewed like this in a while. Brings me back.”
A.F: “How did you sneak onto the ship? When?”
P: “Oh, it was super easy. Hopped a fence, followed some guys into a building, grabbed a lab coat, and just followed them to the ship. they were inspecting stuff and I just slipped off and into a vent. It was like a day before launch.”
A.F: [Pencil scratching, no response]
P: “You guys should really invest in better security measures.”
A.F: “None of us anticipated someone would want to be a stowaway on a 2 year long expedition.”
P: “Always expect the unexpected. Murphy’s Law.”
A.F: “That isn’t Murphy’s Law. Do you have any form of identification on you?”
P: “Nope.”
A.F: “Of course not. Do you have a criminal history?”
P: [Laughs] “Take a WILD guess.”
A.F: [Pauses] “What charges?”
P: “Oooh, good question… Theft, assault, automotive theft, breaking and entering, truancy, the works, you know?”
A.F: “Lord.”
P: “The assault one was just ‘cause I beat up a guy who called me a dyke and stole my shit, his daddy was rich enough to send me to juvie instead of detention.”
A.F: [No response]
P: “What else you want to know? My star sign? My favorite color? Honestly, favorite color’s a tough one cause there’s so many good options-”
A.F: “You’ve been camping out in the vents, correct?”
P: “Yeah.”
A.F: “How have you been getting food?”
P: “There’s no security cameras by the vent that brings me to the kitchen.”
A.F: “Ah.”
P: “Again, you guys should probably work on this security thing.”
A.F: “Clearly. Is there anyone back on earth who’s going to be looking for you?”
P: “Nope.”
A.F: “No family, no friends…?”
P: “My family couldn’t give less of a shit about me. I don’t have any friends.”
A.F: “Is there anything else I need to know?”
P: “At least 2 people on this ship smoke weed.”
A.F: “An open secret. I was asking if there’s anything else I need to know about you. ”
P: “My favorite color is royal purple.”
A.F: “We’re done here. I’m going to send you to Dr. Mulberry for a check-up and then we’ll figure out what to do with you from there.”
P: “Mmm. Do I have to get a check-up? Trust me, I’m as healthy as a horse.”
A.F: “Yes, you do.”
P: “Shucks.”
[REC. ENDS]