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One of the most difficult things about Gwen’s divorce from Gavin had been how difficult it had been on her children. Yes, she was heartbroken when she had found the messages to and from Gavin’s mistress, but even worse was the thought that Gavin and that woman were carrying on while they were around her kids. She’d begged Gavin to tell her through tear ridden phone calls at first whether her kids had seen anything; the tear ridden phone calls had later turned into expletive laden demands. Eventually, she’d given it up as a lost cause, but she never stopped worrying, and she never has forgiven Gavin for even the possibility that his dalliances had harmed her children.
For their matter, Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo had suddenly been thrust into the world of separate parenting, of weekends at one parent’s house and weekdays at another, of two houses and two parents who were barely speaking to each other unless it had to do with them. Kingston and Zuma, especially, had seen how difficult things had gotten over the last five years, how much Gwen and Gavin argued (even though they tried not to do it in front of them), how tense things had gotten at home. Even Apollo had picked up on it, in that unusually perceptive way that babies have of sensing emotions. In some ways, Gwen thinks it’s better now that her and Gavin are apart. Yet, she worries about the boys.
Her worrying increases as after their divorce Gwen hears stories from Zuma and Kingston about how distant Gavin is being. He often pawns them off on nannies (not the same one, thank god or Gwen might have to run down to the courthouse for full custody and never stop fighting for it) and although he’d never been too outwardly affectionate with them, according to the boys its gotten even worse. Gavin was never the best father (Gwen admits this now although she lived in denial when they were married), but he’s turning into not much of one at all, good or bad.
Then there was Blake. He was the polar opposite of Gavin in so many different ways. With every day Gwen was married to him, she realized how much she loved the differences. Blake was outwardly affectionate to her and her children. He was quick to laughter and quick to smile (well more like a beam lately but she doesn’t want to take credit for it though she knows her and her kids are probably the reason).
Her kids loved him for his differences just like Gwen did. Kingston loved how quick Blake was to tickle him and ruffle his hair, Zuma loved how willing Blake was to listen to him whenever he had a creative idea and how he took his ideas seriously. However, despite how much they loved him (which they did, they would still always think of him as their stepfather or their mother’s boyfriend (husband for a month now and the word still made Gwen’s insides melt in a puddle of joy), and probably never their father because they had one of those.
Apollo, however, was a different story. Gavin and Gwen had him just when things were starting to get really bad between the two of them, and Gavin was hardly ever around for the difficult baby months. As a result, Apollo was her’s through and through, wanted very little to do with Gavin and wanted to be with her all the time. As a result, Apollo also spent much more time with Blake and herself than either of the other two kids, and she could already see how much her youngest favored Blake to his own father.
Blake, she could see, loved Apollo more than anything (she knew that he was Blake’s favorite of her children and although stepparents or parents shouldn't have favorites she knew that they always did). Most of them time, when all three kids were home and they'd be watching a movie, Apollo’s place would be on Blake’s lap, his tiny arms wrapped around Blake’s neck and his curly head resting on Blake’s chest. Even after almost a year of knowing them and spending time with them, Blake still looked surprised every time Apollo did it, but he never pushed him away.
It was a perfectly average Thursday when it happened. Apollo was set to come back from Gavin’s any minute ( he still didn’t like being over there and Gwen and Blake had been talking of asking for full custody of him), and Blake had cornered Gwen by the kitchen island to kiss her, his hands bracketing her hips on the edge of the kitchen counter. He had just put his fingers in her hair to wind it around his fingers when the doorbell rang. Smiling against her lips he pecked them briefly.
“ That’ll be him,” The way he said it made her heart warm; it sounded like nonchalant possession and never-ending love. Gwen leaned on tiptoes to peck his nose before she walked to the door, opening it and looking down at her youngest son standing in the doorway with his nanny, practically vibrating with energy.
“ Momma!” Apollo yelled, practically jumping into her arms. She laughed and kissed him on both of his cheeks, breathing in his soft toddler smell. Within five seconds, Apollo was squirming to get out of her arms and to Blake, his little wide grin taking up his entire face. Blake, for his part, had kneeled down so he could see Apollo and had his arms outstretched, practically beaming. Apollo ran to him in that clumsy way that toddlers had, throwing his arms around Blake’s neck. Blake squeezed him tight, standing up and lifting him into his larger arms.
Apollo raised his head from where he’d buried it in Blake’s shoulder, looking Blake in the eye with a grin and saying, “ Hi Papa.” Gwen and the nanny froze. Until then, Blake had always been “Bwake”, said with a cheeky grin and a nuzzle against his stepfather’s cheek. She looked over at Blake, whose eyes had widened to the size of saucers. She watched as he blinked twice in quick succession, clenching his jaw and taking breaths in the way that she knew meant he was trying his best not to cry. Blake let out a watery laugh then, his face breaking into one of the widest smiles Gwen had ever seen out of him before he squeezed Apollo even more tightly, tucking his nose into his hair. She heard him sniff in his tears a couple times before looking Apollo in the eye again and asking all about his time away in a soft voice. She turned and grinned at the nanny who grinned back (Gwen liked this one, she was a fiery lesbian named Stacey who’d threatened to stick a pole where the sun didn’t shine when Gavin had hit on her).
Gwen turned again to watch her youngest son and her husband talk, her own eyes threatening to fill at the love she saw there. This was her family, and fathers were more than just biology. A father was someone like Blake, someone with unconditional love in his heart and eyes that cry at a display of affection from her son. They were someone who’d listen to a three year old babble a nonsensical story for five minutes while asking questions for clarification and acting like it was the best story he’d ever heard. They were someone who was quick to hug and kiss and make them giggle. A father was someone like Blake, and Gwen couldn’t think of anyone more deserving for Apollo to call Papa.
Blake met her eyes over Apollo’s head, and there was a look in them that had her gently taking Apollo from his arms and telling her son that she was going to go talk to “Papa” (Blake had looked like he was going to cry again at her using the word) and that he should play with Stacey for a minute. Gwen entwined her fingers with her husbands, leading them out to the balcony and away from the sliding glass door. The minute he got out there, Blake sunk to his knees, pushing his face against her stomach and nudging against her hands until she put her fingers in his hair. Gwen grinned, gently petting him. “ You need a minute?” She asked softly, and he’d nodded against her stomach as he shook a little.
After thirty seconds, she could feel his shaking subside and he’d stood up, pulling her into his arms with a bright mega-watt smile despite the fact that there were tear tracks on his face. “ You don't mind?” He asked eventually, his voice vulnerable and emotional. She pulled away from him enough to touch his face and stare into his eyes.
“ No,” She said firmly, meeting his eyes, “ You’re his Papa.” She smiled then, getting a little emotional herself and he’d laughed, kissing her brightly, lifting her up and spinning her around for a moment.
They’d taken five more minutes out on the balcony before Blake had composed himself to see the world again (he’d asked her four more times if it was okay if Apollo called him Papa and she’d patiently said yes every time). He’d walked inside with purpose, Apollo running to him and jumping into his arms, before he’d hugged him tightly and taken him to his room to unpack his day bag.
Later that night, as they were putting him to bed, Blake had sang to him lowly while petting his hair, watching as his thumb slipped out of his mouth and his eyes closed. Just before sleeping, Apollo had mumbled, “ Love you Momma and Papa,” and Blake’s eyes had filled again before they’d whispered their love back.
Just before bed, Blake tweeted.
life’s about the moments where your hearts so fulla love that you cant help but cry.
Gwen had retweeted it with an added <3, and they had prepared for sleep.
In the morning, they’d be woken up by six with fingers up their noses, and their day would be filled with playtime and snack time and the sound of a child’s laughter. But in the meantime, Apollo had Papa and Gwen had Blake and that would always be enough.