Chapter Text
Lan Qiren knows he's not really old, but he would very much want to have a few years with his grand niblings thank-you-very-much. He was strict with Wangji and Xichen while growing up because he didn't want them to end up like their father.
He loved his brother, he really did, but he could have some... questionable morals. If his nephews resented him because of that, so be it. But he will be a good granduncle, goddamnit.
2 years have passed since Wangji and Wei Wuxian eloped, and 20 months since an honest to the heavens wedding, with a little push from him. Now all it takes it's for them to have a kid... for starters.
He gets them a kitten, pets are always good practice... or so he's been told. (He would've preferred a puppy but who knows if Wei Wuxian got over his fear of dogs, he might've left a pamphlet for a therapist after his last visit...)
They live in a one bedroom apartment, with enough room space for the kitty and their shared office, but not enough for what he has planned for them.
"You know," he starts the next time they visit him "there's a house being sold a couple streets over. And the school is close too." He says, in what he hopes is a casual manner.
"Uncle, you know we-"
"No, yeah. I know, I know. But I'm just saying. Just in case, you know?"
"Mn."
In comes Wei Wuxian's nervous laughter. "This tea is very nice, uncle."
"I got it from that store near the park. And speaking of the park, it's nice. Big green areas. With little guys... running around"
He hears Wangji's exasperated sigh. "Uncle-"
He waves a placating hand. "No, yeah, I know, I know. But you know."
"We don't. We don't really know if we're going to have kids."
"You don't." Wei Wuxian whispers.
Lan Qiren gives his best poker face at that.
The evening goes on without further discussion about children, not that Lan Qiren stopped thinking about it.
Now that he knows that at least Wei Wuxian isn't opposed to the idea, all it takes is a little more pushing. Little hints here and there, nothing big.
He starts by sharing childhood memories of his nephews, how Wangji would bite people he didn't like, like the time Wangji bit the woman next door for pinching his cheeks, how Xichen cried because elephants see you the same way we see puppies... Stuff like that.
"Uncle, please-" Wangji is interrupted by Wei Wuxian's roaring laughter.
"You bit her?!"
"Shut up." Wangji's face could fry an egg.
"You did!" Wei Wuxian gasps "And you!" He points to Xichen who's currently hiding behind Meng Yao as best as he can. "The elephant thing, man. I always knew you were a softie, but this is too much." His laughter threatens to drag him to the floor.
"I was 6." Is Xichen's strained response.
"Oh, what wouldn't I give to see that?" Wei Wuxian wipes a tear from his face.
Oh, yeah. It's all coming together.
"You know, there’s a way to see it." Lan Qiren says, hoping it came out as casual as he intended.
"Uncle."
"You have a time machine?!" Wei Wuxian’s eyes threatened to bulge out of their sockets.
All four of them turn to look at him, three sets of the same frown and a polite, yet mocking smile from Jin Guangyao.
"Wuxian, I think what Lan Qiren means is home videos."
"Ooh. Well, now I feel dumb." Wei Wuxian crosses his arms and slumps on the couch. "Tell the board of directors to take my PhD back, A-Zhan."
"I have them on speaker, Wei Ying." Wangji deadpans. "They’ll be here shortly to rip the paper right in front of you. You know, the correct procedure."
Ignoring his nephews and their usual shenanigans, he quietly gets up to find the case of VHS tapes and the projector.
"Uncle, please don’t."
"Not the Lan tapes, uncle."
"Shut up, you both. I want to see them, don’t you, A-Yao?" Wei Wuxian turns to look at him, his eyes big and bright. In turn, Xichen turns to Jin Guangyao as well, his eyes pleading, and while Jin Guangyao’s face shows remorse and pity he gives an enthusiastic nod and Xichen deflates.
"Betrayed by my own boyfriend." He brings his hands to his chest, sighing dramatically. "How could you, A-Yao?"
"I’m sorry, er-ge. But I do want to see you when you were cute…" When Xichen's face falls even more, he adds. "er. Cuter. A baby is always cuter than an adult, you know."
"Not my Lan Zhan, he’s the cutest." Wei Wuxian grabs Wangji’s face in his hands, squeezing it. "Look at him."
Wangji’s voice comes out muffled, if a bit distorted. "My Wei Ying is cuter."
Lan Qiren wants to vomit. Why must he suffer this way?
Before the four of them start bickering even more or worse, be all lovey-dovey again, he starts the projector. "Wei Wuxian, please hit the lights."
And that’s how an afternoon of embarrassing his nephews begins, what could be better than that? He doesn’t miss the way Wei Wuxian’s eyes water and the sighs he lets out, not to mention the small "I want my own Lan baby." in a blink and you miss it quiet voice. One down, one to go. And trust him when he says that the second Xichen, Guangyao, and Mingjue decide to marry, he’s going to do everything in his power to make them have children.