Work Text:
“Are you sure you’ll be okay walking home alone?”
Despite the increasingly warmer weather and longer daylight hours, it seemed the sun still preferred to retire earlier rather than later. It had already dipped below the horizon in a way that painted the sky a shade of twilight blue — a prelude to the midnight black of the night sky that was sure to follow. The street lamps had already turned on, and in the faint glow Shiki could just make out the features of his dearest friend’s face.
“Of course. I do it all the time, after all.” Nayuta shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, shivering slightly from the nighttime chill.
“But still,” Shiki insisted, “text me when you get home. Just so I know you’re safe.”
“Hmm? What’s this, all of a sudden? You’ve never been worried about me walking home alone before….” Nayuta cooed in a sing-songy voice as he nudged Shiki with his elbow. Even in the dark, he could see the tips of Shiki’s ears turning red.
“I mean, since we’re… you know, isn’t this the kind of thing I’m supposed to say?! You just walked me home, so it just makes sense…!”
Nayuta chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m just teasing you. But seriously, thanks for worrying about me.” He opened his arms out in front of him. “Hug?”
Wordlessly, Shiki leaned forward into Nayuta’s arms, resting his cheek against Nayuta’s shoulder as he wrapped his arms securely around his waist. When he inhaled, he could smell the faint, familiar scent of Nayuta’s shampoo and laundry detergent. Still the same from all those years ago.
Shiki frowned. No, he couldn’t ask that of Nayuta, it would trouble him too much… but he did want to give Ryuu a break, after all, and maybe, just maybe….
“Nayuta-kun….” Shiki started, still resting his head on Nayuta’s shoulder. “…Can I ask you for a sort of selfish favor?”
“Yeah?”
Shiki pulled away to properly face Nayuta. The warmth was very much missed, but if he was going to make a request this selfish, then he should at least grant Nayuta the courtesy of facing him when he asked. “Um… four days from now, on Friday night, The Cat’s Whiskers are going to be doing a phantometal performance.”
“You want me to come watch?”
Shiki’s eyes widened. “No, not that, I mean… of course, if you wanted to and you weren’t busy, I would be happy if you came to watch, but it’s all the way in Shizuoka and that’s really far away and I don’t want to trouble you… but because it’s so far away and we’ll be performing in the evening, we’ll get back pretty late, and there’s the issue of my trap reaction….”
Nayuta hummed thoughtfully. “Go on.”
“And well, usually Ryuu-kun takes care of me during them, because he doesn’t get trap reactions, but I feel bad that he won’t be able to get a good night’s sleep, so I wanted to give him a break this time, and, um….”
Shiki's voice trailed off; he lowered his gaze as his fingers gripped the hem of his jacket. No, this was too selfish, right? Too weird? There’s no way Nayuta would accept, right?
“Shiki.” Shiki thought Nayuta was going to scold him, but his voice was gentle as he placed a hand on his arm. “You’re rambling again. What is it that you wanted?”
“I…. Could I ask you to, um….” Shiki’s voice was so quiet, Nayuta almost didn’t catch his request.
“Could you… spend the night with me?”
“Sure.”
Shiki’s gaze snapped up to meet Nayuta’s.
“R-Really?”
“I mean, I have to check in with Kanata first,” Nayuta said, letting his hand fall from Shiki’s arm. “But it shouldn’t be a problem. Kanata will understand.”
“Are you sure it’s okay?” Shiki asked anxiously. “If Kanata wants you to stay home, that’s okay, and besides, my trap reactions are kinda intense….”
Nayuta sighed. “Shiki. Do you want me to stay with you or not?” Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. “If you want me to stay with you, I’ll stay with you. If you don’t want me to, then I won’t. Don’t ask me for something, and then when I agree, try to convince me to not do it.”
“…You’re right. Sorry, Nayuta-kun.” Shiki dipped his head in a small bow. “I… I’d like you to stay with me that night.”
“Then I will,” Nayuta said simply.
“Even if my trap reactions might be too much…?”
Nayuta sighed once again, turning so that his face was no longer illuminated by the street lamps. This time, it was Shiki’s turn to strain his ears to hear Nayuta’s voice.
“…There’s nothing about you that could be too much for me to handle.”
[22:15] [Me]: text me when you get home. ill come over then
[22:16] [Shiki 🌵]: Okay
[22:43] [Shiki 🌵]: Just got home
[22:44] [Me]: ok ill start heading over
[22:44] [Me]: anything in particular i should bring?
[22:45] [Shiki 🌵]: Not really
[22:45] [Shiki 🌵]: Just remember to bring a change of clothes, toothbrush, sleeping bag, and that sort of stuff
[22:46] [Me]: got it 👍
The last item listed disappointed Nayuta more than he’d like to admit. It wasn’t unexpected — after all, the alternative would be sharing a bed, and sharing a bed for the night implies that and they definitely weren’t at that point in their relationship — but it’s not like Shiki and Nayuta haven’t literally slept together before. They take joint naps together on the rooftop all the time! Sharing a bed wasn’t that different, right?
But it didn’t matter either way, because Nayuta didn’t actually have a sleeping bag to pack. He had never had sleepovers, nor had he ever gone camping or on vacation, so there was never any reason to buy one. At home, they only recently switched out their futon for a mattress that was on clearance — but Nayuta very well couldn’t lug a futon meant for two to Shiki’s house. So he hastily shoved a few blankets into his duffel bag and figured that it would all work out somehow.
“Alright, I’m heading out,” Nayuta called over his shoulder as he pulled on his sneakers.
“To Shiki’s?” Kanata’s voice came from where he was sprawled on the new mattress, mixing the track for their latest song on his laptop.
“Yeah,” Nayuta replied as he shrugged on his jacket. “I’ll be back tomorrow noon. If not, I’ll text you.”
“You sure you’re gonna be okay, handling Shiki’s trap reaction?”
Nayuta paused, hand resting on the doorknob.
Kanata continued, “You might not like what you see.”
Slowly, Nayuta twisted the doorknob.
“I… have a pretty good guess what it’s about,” Nayuta spoke, eyes trained on the doorknob. “But I have to see and confirm it with my own eyes. That’s why I want to go.”
“It’s not your fault, you know.”
“I know. And he knows it, too.” Nayuta glanced back at his brother before pulling the door open, sending an uncharacteristically cold gust of wind swirling into their small home. “But facing this… is the least I could do for him.”
“…You’re a good friend.” Kanata smiled, but it wasn’t the fully happy kind. “Text me when you get there.”
“Got it.”
And with that, Kanata was left staring at the door that Nayuta left through.
Nayuta’s text to Kanata went through just as he stepped into the threshold of Bar 4/7. The soft jingling of bells signaled the opening and closing of the front door, and with it came an abrupt halt of the melody from the piano.
“Oh, he’s here.”
At the grand piano on the other side of the room, two men turned to face the visitor. They were both intimidating, but in opposite ways: the one sitting at the piano was intimidating in the classic way, a scowling lanky guy with a gaze that communicates exactly how many ways he could kill you; the one standing next to him appeared significantly more approachable, but had a refined air about him that made you stand up straighter.
Nayuta, of course, recognized these two men: they were Shiki’s guardians and the two older members of The Cat’s Whiskers, God Summer and Kotonoha. He had never formally interacted with either of them before, despite being old friends (and new boyfriends!) with one of their wards.
“It’s Yatonokami-kun, right?” Kotonoha greeted, giving Nayuta a warm smile. “Or rather, I should call you Nayuta-kun, so as to not confuse you with your brother. Shiki told us you were coming. It’s good to finally meet you.”
“Uh… yeah.” Nayuta was by no means a timid person, but he was never particularly good with the greetings-and-fixed-phrases stuff, mainly because he never needed to use them (or had a parent to teach them to him properly). And while normally Nayuta would not care to be polite to someone just because they were older than him, Kotonoha and God Summer were Shiki’s family, so he figured he should at least try to be somewhat polite.
“I’m… cozmez’s Yatonokami Nayuta.” He bowed awkwardly. Was it deep enough for what is, effectively, his boyfriend’s parents? He had no clue. “Nice to meet you. I’m in your care.”
“Ah, no need to be so formal. We’re familiar enough, I think.” Kotonoha gave a wave of his hand, setting his drink down on the piano. “Shiki’s told us a lot about you. All good things, of course.”
As God Summer wordlessly resumed playing on the piano, Nayuta realized that it had never occurred to him that Shiki would talk about him when he wasn’t around. Logically speaking, of course it would happen — he talked to Kanata about Shiki, after all. But for some reason, it felt novel. Shiki thinks about him when they’re apart? He tells his family about him? Sometimes, Nayuta forgets how big the world really is compared to the small, secluded one he grew up in.
But Nayuta didn’t let the mini epiphany show on his face. “Of course it’s good things,” he said coolly. “I’m his friend, after all.”
“That’s true,” Kotonoha laughed. “Ever since you won the original Paradox Live and reunited with Shiki, he’s been much happier. And coming out of his shell more, too.” He smiled, but there was a sort of sadness in his eyes that Nayuta couldn’t quite understand. (Why did people keep giving him that look?) “Thank you for being his friend, and for helping him tonight.”
“Yeah.” Glancing around, Nayuta saw that they were the only three people in the bar. “Is Shiki already…?”
“He’s upstairs, with Ryuu.” Kotonoha gestured towards the staircase that led into the private living quarters above Bar 4/7. “It started, just a little bit, but you’re not late. You can go on up if you’re ready.”
“Ah, wait.” God Summer stopped playing and stood up from the piano bench, heading over to the bar’s counter. “Nayuta, do you drink milk?”
“Uh… yeah?” The way God Summer disappeared into the bar’s kitchen made Nayuta think he didn’t hear his reply, but a few moments later he emerged holding two mugs of a steaming beverage.
“Take these up to Shiki. The other one is yours,” God Summer said as he set the mugs on the counter. Upon closer inspection, Nayuta discovered that the beverage was some sort of steamed milk. “His room is the one on the left. If that Ryuu starts whining about how he wants one too, tell him to come down here to get his.”
The unintentional issue of carrying two hot mugs, however, is that Nayuta’s hands were both preoccupied and couldn’t be used for, say, taking off his shoes or opening doors. It didn’t matter though, because the door flew open as soon as Nayuta arrived in front of Shiki’s bedroom.
“Changing of the guards!!!” Ryuu bellowed, giving a comically serious salute. “Captain Compra Daimaou passing the duty of guarding Shiki onto Private Nayu-nayu!”
“Uh… thanks. You too?” Nayuta offered awkwardly. He still didn’t quite get Ryuu, and normally he had very little patience for people he didn’t get, but he too, like Kotonoha and God Summer, was a member of Shiki’s family. So Nayuta had resolved to stretch out his patience just a little bit more, for Shiki’s sake.
Ryuu nodded eagerly at Nayuta’s reply, as nonsensical as it was. “Ryuu-kun, mission transfer: complete! New mission: going with Fuu-chan to count aaaaaaaall the cats in Tokyo!”
“All of them…?”
“All of them!” Ryuu puffed out his chest proudly. “A good space lord checks on all his troops!”
Nayuta blinked. “Uh… okay. Don’t go around breaking into people’s houses, though.”
Whether Ryuu heard Nayuta’s last instruction before sprinting off down the stairs, yelling for Yohei to make him a cup of steamed milk as well, is anyone’s guess.
The way the moonlight illuminated Shiki’s bedroom looked ethereal, like a scene out of a movie. Sections of the wall, floor, and sitting table were bathed in the faint silver glow — but the position of the moon made it so that the moonlight fell just shy of the bed. It wasn’t until Nayuta’s eyes adjusted to the relative darkness that he was able to make out Shiki’s sleeping form tucked soundly into the blankets.
Mugs of milk left on the desk and forgotten, Nayuta cautiously approached the bed to get a better look at his (boy?)friend. Even though he was asleep, his eyebrows were tensely furrowed and his eyes seemed like they were squeezed shut rather than closed for sleep, as if he were a child receiving a shot at the doctor’s office. The rosy color of his cheeks and the sweat beading on his forehead hinted at a fever — Kanata also tended to get fevers during trap reactions.
Even in sleep, he can’t get any peace, Nayuta thought bitterly as he sat by Shiki’s side.
What to do now? Should he call out to Shiki to wake him up and tell him that he’s arrived? Or should he let him sleep and trust that Shiki will call out to him when the time comes? Maybe he should sit here with him for a while; after all, his trap reaction could start at any moment.
He had been so busy deliberating over what to do that he hadn’t realized his hand had started acting on its own — not until the warmth of Shiki’s cheek against his palm brought him out of his thoughts and back into the present. For a second, Nayuta thought that the withdrawal of his hand woke Shiki up, but he didn’t stir one bit.
With one last glance at Shiki, Nayuta decided that he should get ready for bed.
It made sense, Nayuta thought to himself as he scrubbed at his face with his towel, that the group who called themselves “The Cat’s Whiskers” would have a cat-themed bathroom for their apartment. It was not as gaudy and overt as he imagined it could be; the theming consisted of just a few black cat silhouette wall decals, a cat-shaped soap dispenser, and a hand towel with a paw print design. Tasteful and elegant, just like the group’s music.
For the past few minutes, Nayuta could have sworn he heard a voice talking from outside the door — but every time he turned off the faucet to listen, he would only be greeted with silence.
That’s messed up, if this place is haunted by a ghost or something, Nayuta thought as he wrung out his towel. Didn’t Reo mention something about Shiki being scared of ghosts?
The next time he heard the voice though, he immediately knew it wasn’t a ghost at all.
Because ghosts don’t scream using Shiki’s voice.
“Shiki?!” Nayuta called out through the bathroom door. Silence, and then another scream, this one just as heart-wrenching as the last.
Shit, he swore mentally as he hurriedly packed his belongings away. I left him alone when he needed me.
Again.
Nayuta knew that Shiki was prone to panic attacks, but he had never seen anything like this before. He thrashed around on the bed, wheezing between sobs and choked out “I’m sorry”s, each one stabbing through Nayuta’s heart like a stake. His voice was already hoarse from all the screaming, but the relentless torment of his trap reaction gave no time for respite.
I… did this to him.
Shiki had never mentioned exactly what he saw in his trap reactions, but Nayuta had a pretty good guess as to what it was. Nayuta was aware that he was never particularly good at connecting the dots, but this time the dots were strange — he blinked and they turned into stars, and Nayuta was left wondering why they weren’t dots anymore.
Ever since he came back, something about Shiki had felt off to Nayuta. Shiki had been Nayuta’s best friend for two years — Nayuta was pretty confident that he could predict what Shiki would approve or disapprove of, or how he would respond in certain situations. But every now and then, Shiki would say or do something that seemed out of place: he would acquiesce on things Nayuta thought he would have insisted on, or he would seem unusually startled when asked a simple question. Every time it happened, it unsettled Nayuta a little bit more than the last and left him with brand new doubts and questions: Was Shiki always like that? Why does he seem so nervous? He wasn’t like this before, right? Why won’t he just… like he always did?
It was like he was seeing double: the Shiki of his memories, who acted one way, and the Shiki in front of him, who wouldn’t do or say half of the things the Shiki he knew would. “It’s like he changed overnight,” Nayuta had said to his brother one night as they lay on their mattress holding up the matching plush snakes they received as post-competition gifts from VISTY’s leader.
He remembered Kanata’s silence as he absentmindedly coiled the plush snake around his arm. When he had finally answered Nayuta, his voice was eerily quiet.
“…The Shiki you remember is from two years ago. Two years ago is like yesterday to you, but for him….”
And that was when the curtain was lifted for Nayuta.
What happened that would have changed Shiki so drastically within two years?
Nayuta hated that the answer stared back at him in the mirror.
But there was no time to dwell on that now, because Shiki was choking.
It was during a particularly agonizing scream that Shiki began clawing at his neck, grabbing and pulling at his skin like he was trying to tear out his throat. As Shiki’s breathing became more ragged and labored, Nayuta was convinced that Shiki was attempting to choke himself — and so he pried Shiki’s fingers off of his neck as gently as he could despite his iron grip, tightly squeezing Shiki’s hands in his so that he couldn’t worm away and start choking himself again.
Apparently, that was the miracle solution. From the moment Nayuta enveloped Shiki’s hands in his, the latter’s breathing became smoother and easier and he ceased his tossing and turning, although sobs still wracked his body and apologies still spilled from his lips.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, please….” Shiki begged over and over, like a chanted prayer gone unanswered for too long.
How many times has Shiki apologized to him like this? **Definitely dozens of times, probably over a hundred. Maybe even thousands or tens of thousands of times. Nayuta would do the math, but he was scared of how many digits the answer would have.
He’s spent a lifetime of apologies just on me alone.
“I can’t, it’s because I’m weak, I’m a coward, I, I…” Shiki continued shakily, still deep in his trap reaction-induced night terror. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t save you….”
Nayuta bit his tongue to keep back the tears. It didn’t work very well.
There it was. Confirmation, in the flesh, of Nayuta’s suspicions. A part of Nayuta wished he was wrong, and that Shiki was actually talking about someone else, but he knew that was just wishful thinking. He knew there was only one person Shiki would apologize to for being unable to save them.
Phantometal is intrinsically linked to its user’s memories , Nayuta remembered reading in an article while in the hospital. In a trap reaction, the phantometal causes the most painful memories to resurface for its user, by way of auditory and visual hallucinations, night terrors, and phantom pains.
Nayuta recalled his own trap reactions — as inconsistent as they were in terms of presentation, they were almost always of his time with her , or his time in the facility. It was torture, both the original real-life experiences that left black and blue bruises on his skin and the phantometal-induced hallucinations that made his body ache even though no one was beating him. Even years after the fact, she and the facility staff still tormented him.
I’ve been tormenting Shiki for over two years.
I am Shiki’s most painful memory.
Shiki suffers because of me.
I’ve done a horrible thing.
Trying not to let the tears cloud his vision, Nayuta lowered his head so that he could press his and Shiki’s clasped hands to his lips, as if to say a prayer. A prayer for forgiveness.
How could Shiki forgive me?
As if the quiet tears that fell from Nayuta’s face onto Shiki’s wrists were cleansing water, Shiki’s eyes fluttered open, the muddy haze of the night terror being washed away into calm clarity.
“Nayuta-kun….”
Nayuta startled at his name — Shiki hasn’t actually said his name at all since the trap reaction started — and blinking the tears out of his eyes, he saw Shiki with his eyes open, a dazed expression on his face.
“Nayuta-kun… you’re here….”
“Of course I’m here,” Nayuta tried to joke, wiping away his own tears with his sleeve. “I’ve been here all this time.”
“Did I….” Shiki peered up at him, eyes bleary and unfocused. “…Did I do it this time? Did I save you?”
The tears threatened to spill again. Nayuta was in no position to be resisting them, even if he wanted to. “…Yeah,” he choked out, fresh tears staining his cheeks. “You did it, you saved me. I’m here now.”
“I’m glad…” Shiki sighed as his eyelids slid shut again. “I finally saved you, Nayuta-kun….”
“Idiot,” Nayuta whispered, softly enough that Shiki couldn’t hear. “You already saved me two years ago.”
Shiki sank into a deep, dreamless slumber. When Nayuta finally succumbed to sleep, he dreamed of the starry night sky.
The next time Nayuta awoke was to a voice calling his name.
“Nayuta-kun…!”
Groggily, Nayuta turned his head to the source of the sound. As he blinked the sleep out of his eyes, he determined the source as Shiki, this time awake and alert.
“Mmm… Shiki? You okay?” Nayuta asked, turning to look up at him. He had managed to fall asleep kneeling beside Shiki’s bed, and although Nayuta was no stranger to uncomfortable sleeping conditions, even he was mildly surprised to find that he could fall asleep in such a position.
“Y-Yeah… I’m okay.” Nayuta could feel Shiki shifting on the bed, scooting over to one side. “How long have you been here?”
“Uh….” Nayuta lifted his head and glanced around the room for a clock. “What time is it?”
“One in the morning,” Shiki answered.
“Then, uh… I’ve been here for three hours-ish? I think?” Nayuta ran a hand through his hair, trying to fix whatever bedhead he might have gotten from sleeping improperly.
“So that means… you were….”
“Yeah. I was with you for your trap reaction.”
Shiki averted his gaze, opting instead to stare at his hands in his lap. “Sorry for making you witness that.”
“Please, no more apologies,” Nayuta sighed, climbing onto Shiki’s bed to sit at the opposite end, facing him. “I’ve heard enough ‘I’m sorry’s to last me for a lifetime.”
Shiki opened his mouth as if he were about to speak, but he quickly decided against it and instead pulled his knees to his chest.
“If anything… it’s me who should be apologizing to you, Shiki.”
“Huh?” Shiki gaze snapped up to meet Nayuta’s. “What do you mean…?”
“During your trap reaction.” Nayuta leaned back against the bed frame. “It’s me. It’s that night. Right?”
“…Right.”
“You’ve been forcing yourself to relive my death for two years,” Nayuta spoke softly.
Shiki didn’t respond.
“Even though I wasn’t dead… I might as well have been, from your perspective, right? And because I kept our friendship a secret… you had to bear it all alone.” Once again, Nayuta found himself fighting back tears. “Even a million ‘sorry’s wouldn't be enough to make up for what I put you through.”
“…I don’t think of it that way. Rather….” Shiki paused in thought. “I think of it like… if grieving alone for two years was the price I had to pay for God or the universe to bring you back to me, then it’s worth it. And I would do it all over again, too.”
“I just wish you didn’t have to pay a price in the first place.”
A moment of silence passed between them, their words hanging in the air above them.
“It’s still not your fault,” Shiki said quietly.
“I know.” Nayuta gave him a sad smile. “But it’s not your fault, either.”
They stayed like that for a few minutes, sitting in the quiet stillness of the night and moonlight that danced across the floor and walls as the moon made its journey across the night sky. Even though the occasion wasn’t exactly pleasant, it was nice to just sit in each other’s presence for a little while. It’s just one of those things that isn’t cherished until it’s threatened or gone.
“Hey, Nayuta-kun….” Shiki was the first to break the silence. “Sor— I mean, I just want to make sure… you’re real, right? Not an illusion or a trap reaction dream?”
“I’m real, I promise. Here.” Nayuta motioned to Shiki to scoot over so they could sit side-by-side, and he guided Shiki’s hand to his wrist once again. “You can feel my pulse. And I can feel yours, too,” he said, gently squeezing Shiki’s wrist.
Shiki closed his eyes, focusing on the rhythmic bump, bump, bump of the pulse under his finger — that is, until he heard Nayuta shift, and he opened his eyes to find Nayuta mere centimeters from his face.
“Nayuta-kun…!!!”
Nayuta, feeling how clammy Shiki’s hands felt, had decided to check for a fever the way he knew how to, which was, of course, touching foreheads. In hindsight, Nayuta realized that something was probably lost in translation, as he promptly missed Shiki’s forehead and instead bonked him square on the nose.
“Oh, shit! Sorry, sorry….” Nayuta pulled back hastily as Shiki rubbed at his lightly injured nose. “I was just checking if you still had a fever….”
“What part of that is checking for a fever?!” Shiki shot Nayuta an exasperated look, trying to hide the redness on his cheeks as discreetly as possible.
“Uh, touching foreheads?” Nayuta said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “How else are you supposed to get a reference for normal body temperature?”
“Like this, ” Shiki grumbled, grabbing Nayuta’s hands and placing one on his forehead and one on Nayuta’s own. “This is how you’re supposed to check fevers.”
“Huh. Okay, fair.” Nayuta moved back to sit by Shiki’s side. “It’s not a bad fever, but you’re a little bit warm. Do you usually get fevers during trap reactions?”
Shiki nodded. “Usually Ryuu-kun gives me something cold to help with it… one time, he even put an octopus on my head, and it was kinda gross.”
“An octopus? Like, the animal?”
“Yeah, about this big.” Shiki mimed a circle no larger than a mug’s diameter. “It was a live one, too. So it kept moving and wriggling its tentacles.”
“That is gross. How the hell did he get a live octopus? Does he just pick them up off the street?”
“Maybe,” Shiki laughed. “I don’t know how an octopus would live on a street, though.”
“Me neither.” Nayuta shook his head. “If you want, I can get you something cold, like an ice pack. I promise it won’t be an octopus.”
“Oh, that’s nice, but I… um….” Shiki glanced around nervously, like he was scared someone would hear. “I… kind of don’t want you to go away somewhere. I’d prefer it if… you stayed with me for now.”
“You sure?”
Shiki nodded. “Yeah. Actually… that’s sort of why I asked you to come over in the first place. Because… you know how we take naps on the rooftop?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I tend to get nightmares when I sleep, even without trap reactions… but every time we nap and I fall asleep to your heartbeat… I don’t get nightmares.” Shiki fidgeted with the hem of his blanket. “So I wanted to see… if it could help with my trap reactions.”
“Oh… that makes sense,” Nayuta hummed. “Even though the worst of your trap reaction is over, it’s still not completely gone, right? Because you still have your fever and all. So let’s see.”
Was there something maybe, sort of, kind of scandalous about sharing an actual bed with his boyfriend of a week? Sleeping in each other’s arms, even? Probably. But that didn’t quite matter to Nayuta, especially not after he felt the way the tension melted from Shiki’s body as he snuggled in on top of him. As long as Shiki could sleep comfortably after the rough night he’s been through, that’s all that mattered.
When he was sure that Shiki was asleep from the slow rising and falling of his chest, Nayuta ‘practiced’ like usual — every time he practiced, ever since their first afternoon nap, he felt more and more sure and confident about it.
So quietly, in a voice that was barely a whisper:
“I love you.”
Maybe the day he’ll have the confidence to say it when they’re both awake wasn’t too far off.