Chapter Text

“I’m telling you, guardian angels exist,” Mingi insisted.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes, burying his chin deeper inside his scarf as a freezing cold breeze came in from the left and messed up his hair. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

“Hey, guys!” 

Glancing over his shoulder and noting how much further back their line now stretched, Hongjoong found Jongho heading toward them, equally bundled up in a long black coat and, out of necessity, partially disguised with a large fluffy beanie and black mask. “Yo,” Hongjoong greeted.

“Yo,” Mingi echoed.

Frowning in confusion, Jongho cocked his head. “Yo?”

“You got the tickets?” Hongjoong asked, glancing down at Jongho’s empty gloved hands.

“Ah, yeah.” After some digging in his jacket’s inner pockets, he revealed three tickets, courtesy of San. “All VIP, all for the only showing of this special performance.”

Mingi frowned as he accepted his. “What do you mean ‘special’?” 

Leaning in closer, Jongho shielded his mouth with his hand as if he were telling them some deep dark secret. “San told me he’d be performing shirtless today.”

With a snort, Hongjoong snatched up his ticket and started heading for the VIP line outside the performance venue they’d gathered in front of. “I can’t believe they’re making us wait in line like some common peasants. And in the freezing cold too.”

“Maybe the weather would’ve been nice if you started praying to your angel,” Mingi prompted, draping himself across Hongjoong’s shoulders who was quick to shake him off and throw him a threatening glare.

“Stop it with the angel stuff already!”

Back facing the people ahead in line, Jongho glanced between them, his confusion evident. “What the hell are you talking about? Did I miss something?”

“Don’t even get him started!” Hongjoong tried to warn but Mingi was faster: “I started receiving signs from my angel.”

Jongho’s disbelief was palpable.“Your what now?”

“It started with these repeating numbers but then I also started having random thoughts that didn’t feel like my own and I’ve been getting really intense gut instincts about all kinds of situations. Ever since, I’ve had much better luck and I even started making better life choices.”

“Congratulations, we call that intuition,” Hongjoong deadpanned.

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know, Mingi, that sounds kinda vague,” Jongho admitted.

“You’ll both regret not believing me one day, mark my words.”

Since that day, Hongjoong made the guardian angel thing a running gag in his life. Whenever something would go wrong, no matter how small, he’d berate his non-existent guardian angel. At first, he’d only done so around Mingi, just to mess with him, but as the weeks went by, the habit crept into his regular everyday life as well. He didn’t even think about it anymore, it would just slip out like a curse word.

Stubbing his toe… “Fuck you, angel!”

Forgetting what he’d opened the fridge for… “You’re not even trying to do your job well, are you?”

Running out of shampoo in the shower… “Ah, screw you, you pointless creature!”

“Let’s try it again but with stronger emphasis on the last syllable,” Hongjoong suggested before releasing the button on his producer’s microphone.

From the other side of the soundproof window and inside the recording booth, San gave him an “okay” to which Hongjoong rewound the last two lines in the song to give him another go.

Working with San was a dream. When Hongjoong went freelance, he could’ve never imagined getting a better deal than this. Being Choi San’s exclusive songwriter and producer meant steady paychecks, diverse work, a flexible schedule, getting to spend time with one of his best friends regularly and getting paid for it, and having his own fully equipped studio. There was literally only one downside: he was a workaholic. And a job like this only fueled this tendency.

For two years now, he’d only slept over at his apartment every other weekend while the rest of his time was exclusively spent in his studio. He lived and breathed music 24/7 and hadn’t taken a vacation since he’d signed the contract with San’s agency. They’d offered but he had declined.

Mingi, Jongho, and San all regularly told him he was insane and should go out more but Hongjoong disagreed. The majority of his life was just him working toward his dream and now that he was living it, they wanted him to slow down and waste entire weeks doing nothing? Where was the point in that?

“Can I listen back to both of those?” San spoke into his mic.

Hongjoong nodded and followed his request.

“I like the second one better.”

“Yeah me too.” Hongjoong took note of the preference and adjusted the tracks accordingly. “I think it’d sound nice if we added some harmonies.”

“Good idea, let’s try that.”

An hour later, they were wrapping up the recording session when the room suddenly went dark. All the equipment had shut off and, while he’d saved his work, he still had stuff to do before he could call it a day. “You useless angel!” He threw himself back in his desk chair and turned to face away from his desk. “I wasn’t done yet!”

“You’re still blaming that poor creature for your problems?” San sounded amused.

Hongjoong groaned in frustration and rubbed at his temple. “I could’ve sent the track off for review tonight and now this!”

“The deadline’s in two weeks, we’ve got more than enough time.”

“It’s about the principle of the thing!”

In the dim light coming from the hallway, Hongjoong could see San get up from the sofa and put on his jacket. “Come on, let’s go out to eat.”

“Nah, I’ll just head home.”

“So you can order in and eat alone?”

“No, so I can get my MacBook in case I get a good idea while the power’s out.”

“You make me sick.”

“No, I make you rich and famous.”

Sighing, San exited the door and headed down the hallway with Hongjoong trailing after him. “Your life is devoid of humanity.”

“Creativity is one of the most human things there is,” Hongjoong argued, mentally taking note of the buildings visible through the window at the end of the hall which were still lit up. It wasn’t a city-wide blackout then.

“The only people you ever interact with are your family, Jongho, Mingi, and I.”

“That’s plenty.”

“We meet up like once a month outside of work!”

“Your point?”

San groaned in exasperation which Hongjoong found pretty hilarious. “Don’t you wanna travel? Feel the sunlight on your skin? Go for a picnic? See the ocean? Meet new people? Get a boyfriend?”

“What I want is for your next comeback to be successful.”

Nobody could express frustration with their entire body quite like San.

Hongjoong didn’t like his apartment much. It was largely barren, the few pieces of furniture, sans the desk, had all come with the place and the white walls were void of decorations. But that wasn’t the part he disliked.

“I know you went to see her last night!” came the muffled shout through the wall.

A deeper voice responded but was too low to make out.

“Because her perfume was all over you! I do your laundry, did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”

With a souldeep sigh, Hongjoong dropped his coat on the nearby dresser and kicked the door shut behind him. “If you were any good at your job, I wouldn’t be living next to those people.”

His shoes toed off, he headed over to his desk where his MacBook was waiting for him among the rest of his home studio recording essentials. Pressing its power button, he let another sigh slip out and fell into the uncomfortable desk chair. There was no real reason for switching it on. No ideas had come to him yet, it was more of a habit than anything.

“You’re disgusting, you know that?” his neighbor shouted. “No, you are! Clean up your fucking stubble after you shave, it’s the least you can do!”

Hongjoong groaned in frustration. “Oh my god, angel, can’t you shut them up or make her leave her husband? Is that really too much to ask?” He pulled out his phone and dropped it on the desk, allowing himself to get more comfortable in his seat. “Seriously, why would she even stay with him? I’ve been living next to them for years and they’ve never gotten along.”

“Why would you even think I can interfere in other people’s lives?”

The appearance of a nearby foreign voice nearly launched Hongjoong from his chair. Suppressing a yell, he whirled around and stared at the stranger who seemingly spawned in the middle of his apartment. “What the- Who’re you? And what’re you doing here? Sir, get out! Right now!”

He snatched up his phone, intending to call the police while simultaneously being too scared to look away from the stranger for even a second.

“Wait, can you see me?” They seemed stunned by the idea.

“Obviously! You’re not exactly trying to hide!”

“Oh… what… but since when?”

Hongjoong could feel his right eye begin to twitch. “Since you just alerted me to your presence, obviously! What the hell are you getting at? Huh? What’s wrong with you? Why would you just waltz in here? How’d you even get in to begin with? Sir, are you a squatter? Were you here this entire time before I even came home today?” He tried to stop his hands from shaking as the idea cemented itself in his brain. “Oh, that’s so vile, what the hell is your deal?”

“No- I- What? I’m not some- some criminal !”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from some guy who’s literally in a stranger’s home without them knowing!”

“I’m your guardian angel!” 

Hongjoong felt sick to his stomach. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

“I’m your guardian angel…” The stranger sounded unsure.

“That’s it, get the fuck out. Right now. I mean it.”

“You can’t kick me out!”

Hongjoong brought up his phone and was in the middle of typing 112 when the stranger suddenly appeared right beside him and touched the screen with just one fingertip at which it went black as if the battery had died. Hongjoong nearly flung the device across the room but managed to hold himself back by stumbling away from the stranger with a racing heart.

“What was that? When- How?”

“I told you, I’m not human, I’m your guardian angel!” the stranger insisted.

“No, you’re not!” Hongjoong backed toward the front door, hoping to keep enough distance between them so he could escape. “And you wanna know why? Because that kinda thing doesn’t exist! I think you need help, Sir. You should take yourself straight to the hospital.” Nearly tripping over himself in his hurry to get his shoes on, he hastily pocketed his phone and snatched up his jacket, which hopefully still contained his keys and dashed out the door. “You may let yourself out!” he shouted back over his shoulder.

As he was sprinting down the hallway toward the staircase, he couldn’t hear anyone following him but decided not to take any chances. Flinging the stairwell door open, he rushed inside and began flying down staircase after staircase until he reached the ground floor and burst out into the street. Wasting no time, he turned left and started gunning for the nearest bus stop. 

“Public transport can’t get you away from me either.”

Hongjoong yelped as the voice popped up right by his ear. Stumbling over his own feet, he slowed down and turned around, only to find the stranger standing right there on the sidewalk with not even a single strand of dark hair out of place. His pastel flowy clothes served as a stark contrast to the overcast outdoors.

“What are you- Why are you- I don’t…” Hongjoong trailed off as a passing teenager looked at him with concern and walked right through the stranger. Stunned, Hongjoong fell silent. For a brief moment, he didn’t even breathe. “I’m… hallucinating.”

“Sir, are you alright?” a young pedestrian asked him to which he nodded wordlessly. “Alright then…” Luckily, they walked off without further commentary.

Hongjoong still couldn’t move. Had he really gone off the deep end like that without noticing any of the earlier warning signs? He couldn’t even recall having any auditory hallucinations or phantom touches. Could his brain really have launched straight into a full on hyper realistic interactable imaginary person like this? 

“I’m telling you, you’re not hallucinating,” the stranger said in a calm tone as he moved just a slight bit closer, “I’m actually here. Most people just can’t see me because they’re not spiritually open enough to.”

“If you’re trying to get me sold on your lie, you should come up with something more believable,” Hongjoong got out despite his messy headspace.

The stranger winced. “Yeah, okay, you’re not exactly more spiritually open than the average person, I take it. I… actually don’t know why you can suddenly see me. You didn’t work for it in the slightest.”

Momentarily distracted, Hongjoong tried to put on a smile for a passing middle aged pedestrian who was eyeing him with open suspicion. “I need to get away from the public,” he mumbled to himself.

“We can return to your apartment,” the stranger suggested.

“Definitely not,” Hongjoong replied and waved awkwardly when yet another pedestrian side-eyed him. “We’re going to Mingi’s.”

“Aah, I see. Good idea.”

“What do you mean, you can’t see him?” Hongjoong complained, gesturing broadly at the stranger who was peacefully standing a foot away from him and swaying his shoulders as if none of this concerned him.

Mingi shrugged. “There’s just empty space there, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Frustrated and with an ever growing concern at the back of his mind, Hongjoong fell back into the cushions of Mingi’s giant couch. “I’m screwed.”

“No, you’re not.”

Hongjoong glared up at Mingi who stood just on the other side of the coffee table. “I’m hallucinating a whole ass human being, Mingi. And he can talk and teleport. How am I not screwed?”

“Well… is he nice?”

“Define ‘nice’. He just randomly appeared in the middle of my apartment, claiming to be some celestial being.”

“Your guardian angel,” the stranger corrected with a friendly smile.

“Oh, be quiet.”

Mingi crossed his arms. “I think you should be nicer to him.”

Offended, Hongjoong sat up straighter. “How can you say that when he’s clearly a figment of my own imagination?”

“I don’t think he is, that’s why!”

“You can’t see him so why the hell would you think that?”

“Because it makes no sense you’d start hallucinating so vividly outta nowhere!”

Hongjoong was getting tired of this. 

“My name is Seonghwa, by the way,” the stranger offered after the first lingering moment of silence since they’d walked in.

“No offense but I don’t care,” Hongjoong replied.

“Don’t care about what?” Mingi asked.

“He says his name is Seonghwa,” Hongjoong repeated with disgust.

“Oh.” Mingi smiled at the space he viewed to be empty. “Hey, Seonghwa. Nice to meet you.”

Seonghwa returned the smile and waved. “Hi Mingi. Can you tell him I say hi?”

Eyes narrowed in disapproval, he muttered a “no” and ignored the subsequent pout on Seonghwa’s face.

“What does he look like?” Mingi asked.

“Seriously?” Hongjoong whined.

“Come on, let’s investigate this!” With newfound eagerness, Mingi rounded the coffee table and pulled out his phone. “Let’s call San and Jongho too!”

Hongjoong snatched the device straight from his hand before he could as much as unlock it. “We’re doing no such thing because we’re not trying to land me in the nearest psych ward, alright?”

“They wouldn’t rat you out, they’re your friends!”

As the weight of reality slowly but surely sunk into him, Hongjoong found himself looking over at Mingi with a heavy heart. Would he be okay if Hongjoong was locked away? He looked tough but was very gullible and easily sent spiraling when his feelings got hurt. Jongho and San were both busy people and often outside the country, they couldn’t be there for him as much as Hongjoong could.

“Please, Hongjoong.” The words were spoken in a soft voice and with a newfound hint of desperation. When Hongjoong looked at him, he found large dark eyes staring right into him and, for just a moment, he felt a strange tug in his gut as a tingling warmth spread from his core all the way to his fingertips. “Can’t you just believe me?” 

“Are you okay?” Mingi’s voice drew Hongjoong’s attention back to reality.

“No, why do you ask?”

“You seemed really zoned out.”

“Can you blame me?”

Mingi sighed. “So what do you wanna do know?”

Hongjoong sunk back into the cushions. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Just listen to me,” Seonghwa urged.

“So you can tell me stuff about God and the spirit realm and celestial energies up in heaven or whatever?” Hongjoong replied.

Frustration was visibly creeping up on Seonghwa, judging by his narrowed eyes, but it lasted no more than a second before he returned to his friendly neutral expression. “No, so I can tell you the truth and help you feel less like you’re losing your mind.”

“What’re you guys talking about?” Mingi asked.

“He wants to make up some lies for us,” Hongjoong misreported.

“I really wish I could see him instead of you.”

Seonghwa inclined his head as his gaze traced over Mingi. “If his angel agrees, we may actually  be able to make that happen.” He quickly looked back at Hongjoong. “Not the last part but we could maybe help him see me too.”

“Why didn’t you say so earlier?” Hongjoong complained.

“You snapped at me every time I opened my mouth!”

“Oh. Fair point.”

After a beat of silence, Mingi lightly smacked Hongjoong’s arm. “So? What’s going on now?”

“He says he might be able to make you see him.”

“Really?” Mingi was visibly close to bouncing in his seat. “When? How? What do I need to do?”

“He needs to ask his own guardian angel for help,” Seonghwa instructed.

Hongjoong passed on the message.

“And how do I do that?”

“His angel’s name is Yunho. By using it, his request should be easier to grant.”

After forwarding the information, Hongjoong observed as Mingi closed his eyes and clasped his hands like some movie child at bedtime. It was odd to just be sitting there watching so, after about a minute with no visible results, he slowly got up and moved closer to Seonghwa without really thinking about it.

Despite how much he despised this entire situation, Seonghwa as a person, being, hallucination, or whatever, didn’t give off any negative vibes. He more so emanated an aura of light and calm which he may or may not be using to lure Hongjoong into a false sense of security. The truth had yet to be uncovered on that front.

“Your thoughts on me are pleasant as always,” Seonghwa commented.

“Can you actually read my thoughts?” Hongjoong asked as he side-eyed the angel .

“I can only sense your emotions but if you were to consciously aim your thoughts my way, I’d be able to hear them, yes.”

“You can sense my emotions ? That’s so invasive! Why would any good force give you that kinda ability?”

“It’s so we can help in times of danger or distress and guide people’s souls toward their desired path in life.”

“Sir, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Despite being incorporeal, Seonghwa’s sigh sounded bone deep.

“I can’t believe you dragged me into your mess.” 

Yet again, the sudden appearance of a new voice nearly had Hongjoong jumping out of his skin. This time, it was coming from a tall man in black cargo pants and a black knit sweater who was just standing there, right by the coffee table where Mingi had been mere minutes ago.

“No way!” Mingi called out as he jumped up. “Are you my guardian angel?”

The new stranger nodded with a gentle smile. 

“Wow.” Mingi sounded awed. After a moment of nonstop staring, he blinked repeatedly and slowly crossed the short distance between himself and the stranger. “Your name’s Yunho?”

“And you’re Mingi.” The stranger’s tone was teasing but his expression remained calm and friendly. Hongjoong wasn’t convinced.

“Always mistrustful,” Seonghwa mumbled.

“Stop reading me!” Hongjoong complained. His volume quickly drew the attention of everyone in the room. “Ah, sorry.”

“No apology needed,” the stranger, no Yunho , said. “I gather, you’ve had a bit of a rough hour and a half.”

“I’m not even sure why I can see you when you’re supposed to be Mingi’s hallucination.”

“Ah, a good question indeed.” Yunho folded his hands in front of him as if he were holding a class presentation. “All guardian angels exist on the same plane, so when Mingi requested to see me, we both adjusted the same way you and Seonghwa did so now we’re all aligned and can see each other.”

“Alright, thanks.” That tells me absolutely nothing.

Beside him, Seonghwa failed to conceal his amusement behind his hand.

“You’re Seonghwa then!” Mingi gave Seonghwa a quick once over before he turned to eye up Yunho for a far more prolonged moment. Hongjoong wished this were a good time to make fun of him for it. “So, like, do all of you look like supermodels or is that just a coincidence?”

Yunho ducked his head. “No, um,” he cleared his throat, visibly trying not to laugh, “we just look like we used to the last time we lived on earth.”

“You were human once?” Mingi burst out.

“We’ve lived as humans before,” Yunho corrected.

Hongjoong didn’t care to understand the difference. “So how do I get rid of you?” 

Yunho frowned. “You don’t. Your guardian angel is tethered to your soul.”

“So you’re telling me I’m stuck with him?” Hongjoong tried not to raise his voice but he wasn’t sure he succeeded.

“You’re not stuck with him, you’re bonded.”

“I don’t care what you call it, I care about the implications.” 

“Wow, okay, ouch,” Seonghwa mumbled.

Hongjoong looked over at him and actually felt a small prick of guilt. “I’m not trying to offend you, but you’ve gotta understand my position here, right? I can’t just have someone hovering around me twenty-four-seven while I’m trying to live my life!”

“He’s always been there,” Yunho argued, “you just couldn’t see him before.”

“So how do I unsee him then?”

“Would that even make a difference at this point now that you know he’s there?”

Hongjoong pressed his lips together and began fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves as he tried to picture a future in which he knew an invisible Seonghwa was lingering in the corner of any space he happened to occupy, no exceptions, no escape. “Probably not.”

“I think it’s nice,” Mingi spoke up and didn’t even flinch when Hongjoong turned to look at him in stunned disbelief. “We basically just got new roommates!”

“Who don’t pay rent and follow you around no matter where you go!” Hongjoong tried to reason.

Mingi shrugged. “So?” He gestured toward Yunho. “My college roommate was far more ominous than this.”

Squeezing his eyes shut tightly, Hongjoong pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m surrounded by crazy people.”

A pleasantly warm hand patted his shoulder. “It’ll be alright, you’ll see.”

“Screw you, Seonghwa,” he whined.

Chapter Text

It was breaking dawn by the time Hongjoong went back to his apartment and managed to fall asleep on his bed, albeit without changing into his pajamas first. Still, it was good enough for Seonghwa.

“So… that happened.”

Pursing his lips, Seonghwa raised an eyebrow at Hongjoong’s true form which, ultimately, looked exactly like the physical body still deep asleep on the bed but was distinctly different in one major way: access to all memories of his previous lives and his time on the celestial plane. “If we ever do this again, you’ll be the guardian angel and I’ll be the human.”

Hongjoong smiled sheepishly.

Sighing, Seonghwa relaxed his expression and looked over at the bed. “It doesn’t feel nice to be glared and yelled at all day.”

Hongjoong moved closer until he could lean into his side and awkwardly elbow his ribs. “Ah, come on, you know I like you.” It was nice to no longer hear formal speech lined with insults from him.

“Not in your human form, that’s for sure.”

“Maybe not yet, but I’m sure I’ll come around! I always do.”

Seonghwa shook his head. “This sucks, Hongjoong. You weren’t supposed to see me. Why did this happen?”

Shrugging, Hongjoong turned away from the body and looked up at Seonghwa. “Maybe I could subconsciously pick up on your presence?”

“I don’t think so. You’re not spiritual at all in this life.”

“Well, either way we’re gonna be spending a lot more time together so that oughtta make this life more fun.” Hongjoong seemed excited by the prospect. “I hope we’ll become friends! My human brain doesn’t wanna recognize it but I’m pretty lonely.”

Friends. Right. Half a dozen lifetimes together, four of them spent with Seonghwa pining and yet… “Yeah, that would be nice.”

Being Hongjoong’s guardian angel was both challenging and boring; challenging because Hongjoong was a bit clumsy and terrible at taking care of himself, and boring because he spent most days going back and forth between his studio and bathroom and that was it. 

“I’ll be going then,” Seonghwa announced after Hongjoong took a seat at his desk where he’d likely be spending, well, the rest of his life.

Hongjoong turned to frown at him. “Going where?”

“You didn’t think I’d just be sitting here all day while you’re not doing anything, did you?”

“You know exactly that’s what I was thinking!” Hongjoong accused.

True. “Well, I’m not. I can sense it when you need help so I’ll leave you to your work.”

Hongjoong’s expression was blatantly relieved and yes, it stung. “Alright. Have fun doing whatever.”

With a final nod, Seonghwa teleported to Yunho who, as per usual, was currently sitting on the floor of a dance practice room while Mingi ran through a sequence of moves which he kept repeating at various speeds and with minor adjustments. There was no music playing but Seonghwa spotted airpods in Mingi’s ears.

“My existence is a joke,” Seonghwa reported as he sank to the floor beside Yunho.

“Sounds funny,” Yunho replied without taking his eyes off his human.

“Ha. Ha.” After dishing out a light smack to Yunho’s arm, Seonghwa sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. “I don’t know what to do about all this. Human Hongjoong hates me and regular Hongjoong just wants to be friends. Something’s gotta give eventually because I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.”

Yunho was visibly unfazed by the breakdown and still didn’t even bother to shift his attention away from Mingi. “I’ve been telling you for about a millennia but lemme try again: just confess.”

“Glad to hear you’re still no help at all.”

“You’re welcome.”

A few minutes passed during which they both watched Mingi hard at work. It was fascinating to watch humans create as if they were made for it. For some, it was like a physical need, they grew restless and depressed whenever forced to follow strict instructions or even fully abstain from it. All eight of them had fallen into that category across all their lifetimes and this time seemed to be no different.

Mingi paused in his movements and turned to get his water, but just as he was unscrewing the lid, his gaze landed on Seonghwa, pulling a startled shriek from him before he froze. “Oh god, you just scared the shit outta me!”

“Apologies.” Seonghwa quickly got to his feet. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Did something happen to Hongjoong?” Mingi asked, immediately concerned as he headed closer and took out his airpods.

“Oh no, don’t worry, he’s fine. He’s in his studio.”

Relief visibly lowered Mingi’s shoulders. “I’m glad. Shouldn’t you be with him then?”

“We don’t have to be with you at all times to make sure you’re safe,” Yunho explained as he rose to his feet as well.

“Oh. Are you here to pick him up then?” Mingi’s question was aimed at Seonghwa.

“No, I just came to hang out for a bit but it’s about time I leave.”

“Back to Hongjoong?” Yunho asked.

“Yeosang,” Seonghwa corrected.

“Ah, I see. Avoidance.”

“Screw you, Yunho.”

Mingi gasped.

With a small wince, Seonghwa looked at his shocked face and smiled apologetically.

“Are angels allowed to…”

“We’re just people, Mingi.” Yunho offered him a little pat on the shoulder which only seemed to rattle him more. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Why does your touch feel human?” Mingi’s voice was quite a bit higher than usual.

“Quantum physics reasons.”

“Oh… okay.”

Seonghwa left them to it and teleported several streets over to Yeosang who was currently sitting on a barstool as he watched Jongho prepare breakfast in his spacious kitchen. “Morning.”

Startled, Yeosang’s head whipped around to look at him. “Ah, good morning, Seonghwa.” He waited for him to take a seat before he focused his attention back on Jongho who’d begun to sing to himself as he stirred something in a pot on the stove. “What brings you here?”

“Fleeing from Hongjoong.”

Yeosang frowned at him. “Why? Did something happen?”

“He can see me now.”

“What? How? Did he suddenly get spiritually enlightened?”

Seonghwa shook his head. “Nope. He’s been cursing me daily for weeks as a joke but that was it.”

“Huh. That’s odd.”

“You tell me.”

For a moment, they fell silent and listened to Jongho’s voice floating across the space, painting melodies and words which spelled out a story of love and heartbreak. It was a song Seonghwa didn’t recognize, yet it brought with it memories from lives past which he wished to remember, even when it sometimes felt like it’d be easier to just forget.

“One day, you’ll have to tell him.” Yeosang’s voice was soft as the song ended, its  final note still lingering in the space around them, echoing what Seonghwa had been feeling for so long.

“You know I can’t,” Seonghwa said, barely louder than a whisper.

There was pain on Yeosang’s face at the words. “He’d never sever your bond over something like this.”

“I know.” That only makes it worse.

Even without him saying it, Yeosang seemed to understand and it only made him look more distressed. “Seonghwa.” He leaned over to wrap him up in a tight embrace.

For a moment, Seonghwa let his eyes slip closed and lost himself in the comfort.

His visit to his next and final friend among the current guardian angels was a whole different story.

“You’re such a dumbass, I can’t believe it!” Wooyoung shouted, his back to San who was currently in the middle of a performance on a massive stage while they were standing just off to the side behind a giant speaker.

Seonghwa felt exposed and wished he’d never come. “I really think I should go, what if someone sees us?” There was always a chance someone in the audience was spiritually evolved enough to perceive them. 

“I told you, I always watch from the stage! The view is much better from here!”

Seonghwa wrung his fingers as he looked from San, who was giving it his all flanked by his backup dancers, to Wooyoung, who was still glaring at him with judgmental eyes.

“What are you so afraid of?” Wooyoung pressed.

With one last headshake, Seonghwa teleported away.

“Oh great, you’re back,” Hongjoong mumbled. He must’ve caught Seonghwa’s reflection in his monitor.

“Feel free to ignore me. I can’t help but appear close to you when I teleport but I’ll be waiting outside so you won’t be distracted.” With his face and tone neutral, Seonghwa offered his explanation before he turned on his heel and headed for the door. 

He was just about to set foot in the hallway when Hongjoong’s words gave him pause: “Did something happen?”

To say Seonghwa was surprised would be an understatement. “What?”

“You seem… I don’t know, dejected?”

Turning back, he found Hongjoong sitting there, expression more curious than caring. Against his better judgment, Seonghwa let his irritation slip at the discovery. “Hm, wow, I can’t think of a single reason why that would be.”

Hongjoong’s face scrunched up for just a second. “Ah… yeah, um, did- did you have a good time while you were gone?”

Choosing to offer Hongjoong some grace, Seonghwa answered. “I visited some friends, yes.”

“Like, angel friends?” When met with a polite nod, Hongjoong turned his chair to fully face the other. “You guys all know each other?”

Seonghwa scoffed. “Do you know every human there is?”

“Alright, fair point.”

Making a judgment call, Seonghwa provided a little more: “I’m friends with your friends’ angels.”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “Really? Because I hang around them the most or did you already know each other before?”

“We’ve all been friends for a long time, Joong-ah.” Seonghwa winced a little when the name slipped out but luckily, Hongjoong didn’t seem to pick up on it.

“All of us? As in humans and angels?”

“We’ve told you we weren’t always angels. We’ve all lived together as humans before.”

This new piece of knowledge seemed to shake Hongjoong far deeper than Seonghwa could’ve predicted. He was frozen in his chair, staring off into nothing and for once, Seonghwa truly wanted to know exactly what he was thinking.

When Hongjoong next spoke up, there was no more formal speech to be found. “Why- why wouldn’t you tell me that earlier? And why can’t I remember?”

Seonghwa looked into the large brown eyes staring up at him and nearly winced at the sharp ache the familiar sight caused in his chest. “Humans aren’t supposed to know when they’re as spiritually shut off as you. And as to your second question, a human brain can’t retain such a large amount of data. Just look at how little you remember about your past in this life already. Imagine scaling that up to six lifetimes.”

“Six? Is that how many times I’ve lived?”

“Yes.”

“And… how many of those did we know each other?”

“I cannot say.”

“You can’t or you’re not supposed to?” Hongjoong challenged.

“The latter.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “This is ridiculous, they’re my lives! I should be allowed to know this kinda stuff, shouldn’t I?”

Smiling at the fierceness in his tone, Seonghwa realized he was starting to see his Hongjoong in the human sitting across from him. “If you do the work, maybe I’ll be able to tell you soon.”

“‘Do the work’,” Hongjoong echoed, “what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Connect with nature, recognize your place on this earth, fall in love with humanity and the universe-”

“Thanks, I’d rather not,” Hongjoong interrupted.

Seonghwa sighed. “Come on, Hongjoong, you can’t spend your entire life the way you’ve been doing so far. There’s more to life than this tiny part of the world you’ve been trapping yourself in. Don’t you want to see and experience more before you die?”

“I’m pretty content with where I’m at.”

Knowing that to be untrue, Seonghwa waited for Hongjoong to meet his gaze before he answered. “You’re scared and lonely and I can help you change that if you let me.”

“Are you insulting me?”

For the nth time, Seonghwa sighed in defeat but, just as he was about to leave, he found himself thrown off balance when Hongjoong pushed himself up and caught his wrist in a loose hold. 

“You actually really care about me, right?”

With his heart rate picking up, Seonghwa slowly turned to meet Hongjoong’s intense gaze. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry. For how I treated you. I- I swear I’m not like this. Normally. I was just scared and confused and I- I thought I was losing my mind and my entire life was gonna fall apart, everything I’ve worked for, and I let it out on you. But you didn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it. So I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me.” 

Having that unflinching directness aimed right at him tugged at Seonghwa’s heartstrings like not much else could. This dumb beautiful little idiot. Seonghwa wanted to kiss him and hold him and tell him he loved him but he couldn’t. So he offered him a warm smile instead and reached out to take his hand and give it a light squeeze. “Don’t worry. I know your heart and I never thought badly of you.”

The flush that spread across Hongjoong’s cheek was adorable. “I- I- Okay. That’s… good.”

Seonghwa nodded and dropped his hand, immediately missing the warmth. “I’ll let you get back to work then. I’ll be out by the kitchenette at the end of the hallway in case you want to find me.” With that, he turned and left. This time, successfully.

Chapter Text

A couple of days passed since his introduction to Seonghwa and the concept of guardian angels and reincarnation. If life were a movie, this would have likely been the event that kickstarted his journey to self-discovery and all that, but… this was real life and he had better things to do which is why his life largely went back to normal once he’d calmed down.

There was really only one major difference to the before and after and that was Seonghwa himself, the unfairly angelic looking angel who kept popping in and out of his vicinity throughout the day. It was weird to know they’d known each other for ages when he couldn’t remember a single thing. Had they been enemies? Acquaintances? Friends? More? He tried not to think about it, especially during the early morning hours when he was about to fall asleep and his thoughts kept driving to how gorgeous and easy to be around Seonghwa was upon closer observation.

“I think we should tell the others,” Mingi said.

Hongjoong rolled his eyes before looking back at the webcam on his work computer. “We’ve been over this! I’m not telling anyone anything! They’re idols, for fuck’s sake, they’ve got bigger things to think about. The last thing we should be doing is distracting them between schedules.”

“But don’t you think they deserve to meet their angels too?”

Frustration dug its claws into Hongjoong’s mind and he had to get up to calm down a bit. “What part of ‘they’re idols’ are you not grasping here? Imagine how distracting it would be to constantly have someone around you who’s invisible to everyone else while you’re in a fan meeting or on stage. Do you want to ruin their careers?”

“Fuck you, obviously I don’t! I just also know they both get very lonely as soloists and it could be beneficial to their mental health to have someone there while they’re out on schedules. You know, someone whose paycheck isn’t coming from the money they bring in?”

Hongjoong leaned over the back of his desk chair to glare into the camera.

“I think he’s making good points.”

Turning around, Hongjoong met Seonghwa’s annoyingly blank face. “Of course you’d think that. You’re always on his side.”

“First of all: I’m not. Second of all: you’re just frustrated because your headphones broke and now you have to go outta your way to buy new ones. You should consider not letting that out on others.”

Hongjoong narrowed his eyes at Seonghwa and turned back to face the camera with a sigh.

“Did you just talk to Seonghwa?” Mingi asked. “Love you, dude!”

“And I hate both of you so I’m hanging up now.” Hongjoong reached around his chair to grab his mouse and do just that but, just as he was about to click the red ‘x’, Mingi had to get the last word in as per usual. “Get some sleep, you’re being a dick. And think about what I said!” Hongjoong hung up.

It was silent after the call ended but when he turned around, Seonghwa was still there, watching him with his usual observant gaze and neutral expression. “Do you also have something left to say?”

“Just that Mingi has a point. You should really get some sleep before you spend your average of two hours looking for the perfect new set of headphones.”

Hongjoong side-eyed him as he turned away. “It’s annoying how well you know me,” he muttered under his breath.

“Who the hell only offers store delivery these days?” Hongjoong complained two days later as he was putting on his shoes which were usually tucked away at the exit of his studio space.

“Do you want me to answer that?” 

Hongjoong tensed his jaw at Seongwha’s reply. “Stupid angel.”

“Rude.”

With one last pat down of his pockets to check for his phone, keys, and wallet, Hongjoong was ready to go and headed out the door. “Remember not to talk about me while we’re out,” he said as they were making their way down the hallway to the stairwell.

“Noted.”

It was raining outside, because of course it was, and Hongjoong didn’t own an umbrella. Putting up his hood, he curled into himself and made his way down the street toward the shopping district where he’d been informed his headphones were waiting for him.

Despite the weather, the sidewalks and streets were packed as per usual. Every few steps, he found himself lunging across puddles or dodging umbrellas heading for his face as he longed more and more for his warm and dry studio each passing second.

A few minutes into his walk, the rain picked up to the point where he could barely hear his own thoughts or see two feet ahead. The world around him had turned into a mess of blurred colors and diagonal lines that occasionally captured the light of passing cars and windows. The only thing keeping him going at that point was knowing he was almost at the store.

Nearly bumping into the traffic light at the pedestrian crossing, he fumbled around to find the button he’d need to push to signal his intent to cross. His hand was drenched and freezing by the time he got to stuff it back into the pocket of his jacket and was left to squint at the blurry red blotch in the distance, waiting hunched up and shivering for the green light. The second it switched to green, he stepped forward. A mistake. 

One step into the street and the screeching of tires filled his ears, instinctively making him look left at blinding headlights gunning right at him, sending adrenaline rushing through his system but it was too little, too late. 

A split second before the moment of impact, an invisible force yanked him back by his jacket, sending him stumbling right into the gutter where his shoes instantly filled with freezing cold dirty water just as the car came to an abrupt shrieking halt right in front of him, the driver’s reaction too slow, leaving the car’s side view mirror to scrape across Hongjoong’s stomach until he was looking right into the passenger side’s window, though it was too dark and rainy to make anything out.

He could hear the sound of his own blood pumping in his ears, his breathing rattling in his chest as reality crashed into him and left him stumbling further back, up onto the sidewalk where he bumped right into someone’s chest.

“It’s alright, you’re safe.” A soft reassuring voice amidst the pounding rain and the sounds of his own panicked body. Seonghwa.

He let himself sink deeper into Seonghwa’s hold as arms came up around him. “Holy shit,” he whispered. “That was close.”

“Sir, are you alright?” a deep voice yelled from across the roof of the car.

“I’m okay!” he shouted back across the noise of the city and weather. Since they couldn’t see each other and Seonghwa was outright invisible, he didn’t bother to step out his hold, though certainly not because it was making him feel safe and protected.

“I’m so very sorry! The wet asphalt and- We should exchange insurance information!”

“No need, I’m fully unharmed and I’ve got a tight schedule to follow!”

“Are you absolutely certain?”

“I am!”

“Alright then! Thank you, Sir! Again, I’m very sorry! Have a nice day!”

“You too!”

Hongjoong watched as the car slowly moved across the pedestrian crossing and disappeared behind an ever thickening curtain of rain.

“He would have regretted it for the rest of his life if you’d gotten hit!” Seonghwa’s voice was right by Hongjoong’s ear.

“I think I wouldn’t have enjoyed it much either!” Hongjoong shot back before a hand came up to pat his head as if he were an upset child. It was demeaning. Wiggling himself out of Seonghwa’s arms, he stepped aside, strictly out of reach and focused his attention back on the pedestrian light which had, by now, returned to red, forcing him to press the button again.

For a prolonged moment, neither of them spoke. Though when the light turned green and they managed to walk forward without another incident, Hongjoong knew what he needed to do. 

“Thank you for saving me!” he said, just loud enough to be heard and after reassuring himself there was no one else around to hear or see him.

“You’re welcome!” Seonghwa’s tone was politely neutral which left Hongjoong mildly upset and unsettled. Ever since he’d learned about their lengthy shared past, he’d begun to hate it when Seonghwa talked to him as if they were nothing more than acquaintances. Why was he pretending around him? Hadn’t Hongjoong made it clear he wanted to know more about him and get closer?

“Was that the first time?” Hongjoong asked.

“Something like this has happened?”

“Yeah!”

“No, far from it! You’re pretty helpless when it comes to anything that isn’t related to your profession so my job is very much secure!”

“Screw you!”

“I think it’s worth considering Mingi’s request.”

Hongjoong looked up from his position, hair wet and bundled up in dry clothes and a blanket on the couch in his studio, to find Seonghwa standing over him. Of course, the angel was fully dry and looking as flawless as ever. “What do you mean?”

“I think you should consider telling your other two friends.”

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

“You should really consider fixing your language.”

“My grammar is perfectly fine.”

“I meant your choice of words.”

“Oh, you don’t like my cursing? Is it offensive to your celestial ears?”

Seonghwa’s expression dropped as he shot him a pointed glare.

Absolutely delighted, Hongjoong laughed as he tightened the blanket around himself.

“I’m glad you’re amused but I’m serious about what I said. Both you and your friends could benefit from you letting them in on this.”

“Make me a bowl of hot soup and I’ll think about it.”

“Are you… are you serious?”

Hongjoong frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’m your guardian angel, not your servant.”

“You’re supposed to protect my safety and well being, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I might catch a cold if I’m not properly warmed up soon so: soup.”

“I wish you’d never gotten to see me.”

“I’m really starting to warm up to you, aren’t I?” Hongjoong smiled as he looked from his own curled up body on the couch to Seonghwa standing in the doorway.

“You’re certainly starting to abuse your power over me like you do in every lifetime,” Seonghwa grumbled as he turned on his heel and headed down the hall to the kitchen area, Hongjoong hot on his heels.

“What’re you talking about? I never do that!”

Seonghwa leaned back against the counter, arms crossed, while Hongjoong came to a halt a couple of meters away. “Of course you do. You always do. I say no and you either start arguing until I agree or you come at me with big round eyes and a little pout until I give in. You always get what you want, no matter what.”

“Excuse you, I never pout! There hasn’t been a single instance of pouting in all my lifetimes!”

Seonghwa arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“Yes, really.”

Sighing, Seonghwa rolled his eyes and dropped his hands to the counter edge. “Whatever. Let’s get to business.”

“Only if you admit you were spitting lies first!”

“Hongjoong-”

“Admit it!” Hongjoong stepped closer and pointed right at him, hopefully threateningly. Really, it wasn’t all that serious, he just liked messing with Seonghwa. It was fun and he was glad even his current human self was starting to realize it. He’d long since figured out there was no point to life if he couldn’t have fun with Seonghwa.

“Fine. You don’t pout. Happy?”

“You don’t sound convincing.”

Seonghwa shot him a glare and pushed off the counter.

Dropping his hand, Hongjoong backed down. “On to business!” he said with false cheer.

Seonghwa’s expression evened out to his on-the-clock angelic serenity. “Alright, I think it’d be best if we got everyone involved in the current situation.”

It was Hongjoong’s turn to cross his arms as he mulled the idea over and tried to think of any consequential downsides but, luckily, came up short. “Yeah, let’s do it!” He met Seonghwa’s eyes and found them as dark and sparkly as ever.

“Yeah?”

Hongjoong nodded. “We’ll all be back together and that’s usually when we thrive the most. I don’t see why it would be any different this time just because we’re not all the same species.”

A bright honest smile spread across Seonghwa’s face and filled Hongjoong’s chest with a familiar warmth. “Wonderful! I’ll do my best to convince you then after you wake up!”

“Well, you did make me that soup so I think I’ll be more cooperative,” Hongjoong teased.

“Shut up. Like I said, you’re abusing your power.”

“Call it what you want but I didn’t see you fight me all that hard. You like taking care of me.”

There was a newfound noticeable redness to Seonghwa’s cheeks. “Be quiet, you’re talking nonsense.”

“Why’re you denying something you’ve admitted many times before?” Hongjoong pushed but couldn’t hold back his grin.

“While we were human, Joongie! That doesn’t count!”

“I think it’s become a pattern and that’s saying something.”

Seonghwa visibly gulped which was… a bit suspicious but not yet alarming. “Let’s talk about something else, like how you were almost run over earlier today.”

Hongjoong recalled the bright lights and racing of his heart. “Ah yeah, that was pretty intense. Thanks for pulling me back, by the way. I was quite freaked out. If you hadn’t hugged me, I would’ve probably had a bigger breakdown on that sidewalk.”

“You’re welcome but… I shouldn’t have had to physically yank you. I should’ve stopped you from taking that step to begin with but I wasn’t paying enough attention and you nearly paid the price.”

“I didn’t even look before stepping out so it’s really not your fault,” Hongjoong argued back, “and everything worked out fine so stop worrying and overthinking! Let’s just focus on where to go from here and have as much fun as possible! That’s why we came here, isn’t it?”

The intensity of Seonghwa’s eyes lasted a few beats longer but then the smile reappeared to light up his face. “Yes, it is.”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Hongjoong complained as he headed down the hallway toward the dance practice rooms in the basement of the company headquarters. 

“We had a productive conversation and you agreed,” Seonghwa replied. “I don’t think that constitutes talking you into this.”

“Shut up with your logic.”

Seonghwa had the audacity to laugh.

When Hongjoong opened the door to San’s practice room, he discovered San and Mingi were already there. “Where’s Jongho?”

“Hello to you too,” Mingi said.

“Hi,” Hongjoong deadpanned. “So Jongho?”

“He’s right next door,” San answered. “His practice should be done any minute.”

Hongjoong nodded and came to a halt a few steps away from the others. 

“So what’s this all about?” San asked. “You’ve never texted first in the groupchat before.”

“You’ll find out in a bit.”

“Cryptic.”

“You wanna learn the new choreo?” Mingi asked.

Side-eyeing him, Hongjoong cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“You’re among friends, come on!”

San’s face transformed into an eager smile as he bounced closer to nudge Hongjoong’s side. “Yes, please, I’ve missed seeing you dance!”

“No, thanks.”

“Come on, you’re an amazing dancer, even my fans think so!”

Horrified, Hongjoong turned to stare at San. “Your fans think what now?”

San froze. “Um…”

“He was already filming his practice last time you joined him and the editors put a clip of you two on his and the company’s socials,” Mingi snitched. “We all know you never check social media so he thought he could get away with it!”

For a second, San gaped at him before his attention shifted back to Hongjoong and he began to back away. “It wasn’t even me! Blame the company!”

“You handed them the footage!” Hongjoong shot back.

“I recorded the entire practice in one take so I just wasn’t thinking about it!”

“Did you ever ask them to take it down?”

San shrunk into himself. “No.”

“You’re dead to me, Sannie.”

“But everyone liked it!”

“They really did,” Mingi jumped in.

“You can go fuck yourself too, you’re just as guilty as he is!” Hongjoong accused.

The door was thrown open and bounced off the rubber stopper in the wall before swinging back shut.

“Let’s all calm down because I just got outta practice and I’m tired!” Jongho announced as he strolled up to them and immediately sunk down into a cross-legged seat. “Sit down, I’m not doing this standing.”

After another exchange of glares, they all joined Jongho on the floor.

“So what’re we talking about?” Jongho asked, leaning back on his hands.

Five pairs of eyes, including Yunho’s and Seonghwa’s, settled on Hongjoong who sighed and folded his hands across his shins to pull his legs closer, leaving him with the comforting illusion of a protective barrier. “Some weird stuff happened recently and I think you should know about it since it affects all of us.”

“Oh my god, you’re dating someone!” San burst out.

“What? No. What the fuck, Sannie?”

“Sorry, false alarm.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “Mingi already knows about it so he can vouch for me but… I- we can both now see our… our… guardian angels.”

For a beat, there was silence. Then Jongho broke into a fit of laughter while San kept looking back and forth between Hongjoong and Mingi like he was doubting his own hearing and/or reality.

“I’m not kidding,” Hongjoong said evenly. “They’re both here right now and, if you go along with my request, you’ll be able to see them too, and your own as well.”

Gasping heavily, Jongho’s laughter was trickling off as he wiped at his eyes. “Good one, dude. I can’t believe he talked you into this.”

“I told you, I’m not joking!”

“He’s not,” Mingi confirmed.

Hongjoong shot him a glare. “That’s it?”

A shrug. “What more do you want me to say?”

“They’ll need more convincing,” Yunho said calmly as he crouched down next to Mingi and met his eyes. “Why don’t you ask them what it would take for them to believe you?”

“Ah, good idea.” Mingi forwarded the question.

“You’re talking to yourself now?” Jongho asked as he glanced from Yunho to Mingi while only able to see one of them. “Is this part of the prank? Damn, when you brought up angels before the concert recently, I really didn’t think you’d take it this far. You really planned this out, didn’t you?”

“I was talking to Yunho,” was all Mingi said.

“Yunho?” San echoed. 

“Ooh, character names,” Jongho commented. “You should get into Dungeons and Dragons, I think you’d like it.”

“Seonghwa, kill me,” Hongjoong begged as he tipped back his head to look up at his angel who merely snorted and patted his head again. Shaking the hand off, Hongjoong mumbled some mild insults under his breath.

“Alright, now you’re starting to freak me out,” Jongho admitted. Glancing up, Hongjoong met his eyes and found them widened in concern. “Either you’re a better actor than I thought, which is doubtful, or there’s actually someone else in this room.”

“There are a lotta rumors about haunted dance practice rooms in the city,” San pointed out as he curled into himself and whirled his head around to check all corners of the space around them.

“But the building is new and we’re the only two signed artists!”

The words seemed to calm San down a little. “Fair point.”

“Just close your eyes and ask your angels to reveal themselves to you!” Mingi whined, clearly getting tired of talking in circles.

“You think it’s gonna be as easy for them as it was for you?” Hongjoong asked.

“If your judgmental ass can see them, then so should they.”

Hongjoong narrowed his eyes in displeasure but couldn’t argue.

“Don’t worry, Joongie, they’re already in on everything,” Seonghwa reassured.

Glancing back up at his angel, Hongjoong found him looking ahead at the empty space above San and Jongho’s heads so he focused back on them, noting how they still seemed caught somewhere between suspicion and fear.

“What do you keep looking at?” San asked, visibly nervous going by how he was digging his fingers into his legs and hugging them ever tighter.

“My guardian angel, obviously. Weren’t you paying attention?” Hongjoong snarked.

San devolved into a pout. “I’m scared. I don’t want to see some freaky creatures. Have you seen those biblically accurate angel drawings? They’re horrific!”

“The real ones just look like people, Sannie,” Mingi explained. “Really pretty people, actually. At least mine and Hongjoong’s do.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, promise.”

San nodded. “Alright then. I’m gonna try.”

Everyone’s attention shifted to Jongho who visibly deflated as he sighed. “Fine. But if nothing happens, I get to say ‘I told you so’ and flick your foreheads.” He didn’t give them time to argue before he closed his eyes, San following suit.

And then they waited.

His attention shifting back to the area Seonghwa had been looking at before, Hongjoong quickly realized his vision began to swim or rather, the light particles began to refract abnormally in the still seemingly empty space. Over the course of no more than a few seconds, two outlines became visible, slowly warping until they’d morphed into human-like shapes which kept growing more opaque until Hongjoong could make out their clothes.

Within no more than five seconds, two full fledged human-looking beings appeared in front of him seemingly out of thin air, both of them shorter than the other two angels but no less pretty. As the two kept glancing back and forth between each person in the room, their faces slowly lit up with matching excited grins.

It would be a lie to say Hongjoong wasn’t a bit freaked out at that point. 

“Sannie!” the one behind San called out, eagerness pouring out of his voice and body language. Without warning, he flung himself onto San’s back, eliciting a choked off yelp as San folded under the weight and nearly smashed his face into the floor. Face pressed into messy post dance practice hair, the angel, fully dressed in form fitting white clothing with silver accents, merely cackled at the reaction and didn’t seem like he was considering letting go of the squirming human any time soon.

Eyes widening, Hongjoong watched on with growing concern.

“Help!” San shrieked.

“Wooyoung!” Seonghwa’s fondly exasperated tone seemed to do the trick.

The angel rolled off San’s back and landed on the floor beside him, finally giving San the opportunity to sit back up and stare while the angel smiled brightly up at him. “Hello Sannie, good to be seen by you!”

“I… What…” San blinked repeatedly and reached out to poke the angel’s arm.

“Are you blinded by my beauty?” Wooyoung teased.

Visibly flustered, San continued spluttering which seemed to delight Wooyoung more than anything.

In the meantime, Jongho was still staring at his own angel who was awkwardly shuffling in place beside him and looking to Yunho and Seonghwa for guidance.

“He’s your guardian angel,” Yunho offered eventually.

Jongho turned to stare at him instead. “What the fuck is happening…”

“Language, Jongho!” Hongjoong warned.

The words seemed to finally pull Jongho out of his stupor just so he could glare at Hongjoong. “You’re one to talk!”

Visibly sighing with relief, the so far unnamed angel placed a hand over his heart. 

“You were being a total weirdo gawking at that angel just now!” Hongjoong shot back.

“Oh?” Seonghwa began. “Are you really in any place to criticize others for how they treat their angels?” 

Wincing, Hongjoong lowered his head to exit the conversation.

“My name is Yeosang,” Jongho’s angel offered.

Glancing up, Hongjoong got to witness the moment Jongho dared to make eye contact with his angel again. “I’m Jongho.”

The angel, dressed in black dress pants and a gray hoodie, hid behind his hand as he chuckled at his human’s introduction. “I know.”

“Right.” Jongho ducked his head, visibly embarrassed.

“We can finally all see each other then!” Wooyoung called out cheerfully as he sat up and looked around at everyone gathered in their little circle. “It’s good to have the whole crew back together again!”

“What do you mean ‘back together’?” San asked.

“We’ve all spent six lifetimes together already,” Wooyoung said happily.

“What… what do you mean?”

“We’ve all been reborn several times,” Yunho explained, “and we always ended up meeting each other in all of them. This is the first time we’re not all human though.”

“And why’s that?” Mingi asked, clearly not surprised by the previously shared information.

“Our former angels wanted to be humans again,” Wooyoung answered, “and, since we’re an even number, we figured it’d be fun to try it out!”

Hongjoong pulled out his phone to check the time. “Well, now that everyone’s in on it, I gotta get back to work.”

“You don’t have any upcoming deadlines, what’s the rush?” San asked, sounding almost back to normal.

“I started working on the fall comeback album and I should be getting feedback on the upcoming spring mini-album later today so yeah, San, there is a rush. There always is.”

“You’re the only one rushing yourself,” San argued.

“Criticize me all you want but when you hit the billboard charts again, you’ll be thanking me.”

“I’m always thankful, you know that, and I’m not criticizing you! I just don’t like watching one of my best friends needlessly drown himself in work.”

“Bless you, San,” Seonghwa said, “you were always one of my favorites.”

Stunned, San gaped up at him. “I just got blessed by an angel.”

Wooyoung nearly fell over himself laughing.

“I’m leaving.” Hongjoong climbed to his feet.

“Nope, we’re going out for dinner first!” Mingi cut in as he followed him up and grabbed his wrist.

Hongjoong tried to shake off his hold. “Let go! You can go out if you want but I’ve got better things to do.”

“Stop arguing, it’s seven against one!” Jongho jumped in and grabbed his other arm. 

Hongjoong hadn’t even seen him get up but immediately gave in when he felt his hands on him. There was no dislodging Jongho’s grip and everyone knew it.

“Can we get Korean barbecue?” Wooyoung asked.

“You can’t even eat,” Yunho reminded him.

“Oh… right.”

Chapter Text

Seonghwa was looking out at the illuminated nighttime skyline when he felt a presence appear beside him.

“Today went pretty well, didn’t it?” Hongjoong’s voice was soft, as if he didn’t want to disturb the peaceful moment.

“You just fell asleep in your desk chair.”

“Aside from that.”

Glancing over at him, Seonghwa couldn’t help but smile at the earnestness on Hongjoong’s face. “Yes,” he admitted and poked him right on the crease between his eyebrows. “It went well.”

Hongjoong smacked his hand away before a grin spread across his face. “Did you see Jongho’s dumb little adorable face when he saw Yeosang for the first time?”

“I sure did.” Chuckling softly, Seonghwa turned away from the window and teleported to his familiar seat on the couch where Hongjoong should be sleeping. Alas, his human was a workaholic fool. “It’ll be interesting to see what’s gonna happen with all of them.” Resting his elbow on the armrest, Seonghwa propped up his head on his palm. “I’ve also begun to wonder if higher powers will try to interfere at some point.”

Frowning, Hongjoong folded his arms as he moved closer and something bordering on a pout settled onto face. “Why would someone interfere? We’re not doing anything wrong! Humans have been seeing angels since the dawn of time!”

He looked ready to fight anyone who dared to tell him otherwise which was… endearing. The fire in his eyes, the stance, the palpable tension, and all that at the mere mention of a potential opposition. If anything or anyone were to threaten any single one of his loved ones in his presence, he would find a way to rain down hellfire right there and then, Seonghwa had no doubt. It reminded him why he’d fallen for him so deeply in the first place and why there’d never be a way of going back.

Reaching up, he took hold of Hongjoong’s wrist to break his defensive posture. “I’m not saying someone will for sure. I’ve just been thinking about it.”

“Why?” Hongjoong asked, face still set, not yet backing down.

“Because the only ones meant to see us have worked really hard for it. They wanted it and asked for it and you know just as well as I do that free will for humanity stands above all else. We shouldn’t be interfering with earthly matters in this way unless we were asked to by a human and yet, here we are. Don’t you think that’s a little disconcerting?”

Deep in thought, Hongjoong didn’t even try to tug himself out of Seonghwa’s hold. “Maybe I asked for it subconsciously?”

Seonghwa tilted his head. “Did you?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Hongjoong admitted and grimaced. “Gah, damn it.” He flopped down on the couch, freeing his wrist in the process, only to drop his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder a second later. “It must have something to do with all my insults, right?” he mumbled.

With his chest and stomach going absolutely wild with fluttering warmth and tingles, Seonghwa had a bit of a tough time focusing but centuries of practice luckily kicked in and allowed him to at least appear calm and collected. “You think the insults were mistaken as prayer?”

“Maybe.” 

“That’d be funny.”

“It’d make the most sense, wouldn’t it?”

“You’re not wrong.” Frozen, Seonghwa refused to move even a millimeter, determined to ensure Hongjoong felt comfortable enough to stay close a little longer. “I doubt any human has ever done something like that before.”

A cute chuckle bubbled out of Hongjoong as he readjusted his position, his hair tickling Seonghwa’s neck and jaw as he moved. “Your first gig as a guardian angel and I’m messing it up for you by being a smartass. We should’ve seen it coming, honestly.”

Humming in agreement, Seonghwa recalled all those first times he and Hongjoong had met but none of their encounters could be even remotely compared to what had happened barely a week ago. “It’s fascinating how different we all are in every lifetime. No matter how often we’re reborn, we can never predict how life will play out.”

“As the times change, so do we, but people will always be people.”

“Part of me wishes all of us could‘ve been reborn together again.”

The words caused Hongjoong to lift his head and seek out his eyes. “Do you regret it?”

Seonghwa hurried to shake his head. “No, of course not. I’m glad I get to experience this with you. It’s just… part of me wonders, you know? This is new and I’m used to being out there with you all, growing alongside you instead of watching from the sidelines.”

The thoughtful frown returned to Hongjoong’s face as he lowered his gaze and made Seonghwa wish he’d never opened his mouth in the first place. “Well… you’re not on the sidelines anymore, are you?” He looked back up. “I can see you now and we’re all back together so not much has changed.”

“Except only half of us have all our memories.”

“Does that matter to you?” Hongjoong’s tone was genuine, his gaze seeking and Seonghwa couldn’t help but feel himself melt under the intensity.

“I guess not.”

Finally, the smile returned to Hongjoong’s face as his head settled back down on Seonghwa’s shoulder. “Maybe everything is exactly as it should be then. Maybe cosmic forces were involved when we played rock paper scissors to figure out who gets to be an angel and who gets reborn.”

“And here I was thinking we were idiots for letting Wooyoung make that call.”

Hongjoong laughed, the resulting vibrations traveling straight to Seonghwa’s heart. “I was a little worried for San when Wooyoung won that round but, hey, San’s still alive so he must be doing something right.”

“When I went to visit him, he was out on stage, watching San perform.”

“Best seat in the house!”

Seonghwa chuckled. “You two really have been spending too much time together the last hundred years. But anyway, what’re your predictions for all our kids?” Sometimes it was a little concerning how natural it felt to refer to their six friends as such but then he remembered both him and Hongjoong had both been born up to twenty years before their friends before which did have a significant impact on their dynamics, no matter how much the others tried to argue the opposite.

“My best guess? Jongho will fall in love with Yeosang and deny it for a good amount of years before they eventually get into some warped half-relationship, half-friendship thing. Yunho and Mingi will end up semi-married within the year. And San will spend the next few years in absolute confusion while Wooyoung’s gonna act like they both have all their memories and their relationship status is gonna remain unlabeled for the rest of this life. Your guess?”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

As they both fell into shared laughter, they remained huddled up against the armrest until human Hongjoong woke up with a stiff neck and stumbled over to the couch, collapsing face first into the spot his true form had occupied seconds prior. 

While Seonghwa listened to ongoing sleepily mumbled complaints about an unfinished project and problems with equipment, he realized he had his work cut out for him.

“I think it’s a wonderful opportunity and you should stop complaining about it.”

“Tell that to all my Milanote boards!” Hongjoong shot back as he pushed back his takeout container and groaned in frustration, hands coming up to cover his face. 

Seonghwa felt for him but also couldn’t help thinking the response was a tad overdramatic. “You get to work with two of your closest friends at the same time. It’ll be really good for you! And you’ve always said you wanted to try writing a duet.”

“How do you-” Hongjoong leaned back and dropped his hands with a sigh. “Right. You’ve been silently watching me all my life like a total-”

“Hongjoong-” Seonghwa interrupted but was also cut off.

“I know, I know, don’t even start!”

A knock at the door made them both fall silent and turn their heads. Picking his food back up, Hongjoong gestured for Seonghwa to go ahead and open it.

“Seriously?” Seonghwa gaped.

Mumbling something under his breath, Hongjoong grabbed his chopsticks and shoveled too many noodles at once into his mouth, sparing him no glance.

Scoffing at his audacity, Seonghwa walked over to let the visitor in. “I’m doing this for them and not for you!” he called back.

Hongjoong waved his comment aside.

“Asshole,” Seonghwa muttered to himself.

Opening the door, he found both Jongho and San waiting on the other side with Yeosang and Wooyoung standing right behind them.

“We heard you complaining,” Wooyoung said eagerly and with mirth in his eyes. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Don’t get me started,” was all Seonghwa replied before he stepped aside to let them all come in. “His majesty is currently dining and couldn’t come to the door himself!” 

“You were already standing anyway!” Hongjoong shot back.

“I’m not your servant!”

While San and Jongho were silently taking off their shoes, Wooyoung and Yeosang walked by into the kitchen area.

“Hey, Hongjoong!” Wooyoung said cheerfully. “What’s up?”

“Um…”

Seonghwa felt a good amount of satisfaction as he found Hongjoong looking up at Wooyoung with uncertainty in his gaze. He clearly hadn’t considered he wouldn’t just be seeing more of the two human artists but also their guardian angels over the course of the next few weeks, and Wooyoung in particular was now already coming at him with informal speech.

“He has a tough time adjusting to his non-human status,” San said as he came closer. “He doesn’t mean to be impolite, I swear.”

Hongjoong glanced over at him before he looked back at Wooyoung who’d folded his hands behind his back and was rocking on his heels like a child, clearly deeply entertained by the entire situation. This must be everything he’d ever wanted out of this experience and it was being served to him on a silver platter. Seonghwa had no idea what to do with him from here on out. 

“We were always really close in all our lives,” Wooyoung informed Hongjoong.

“O…kay?”

Wooyoung nodded. “I think we can get really close in this life too, even if we’re not both human.”

“Uh…”

“We were even dating for a brief time two lives ago.”

“I don’t-”

“How do you feel about platonic cuddling?”

“Wha-”

“That’s enough, Youngie!” Seonghwa interrupted and physically put himself between the two. 

“He’s got touch aversion again, doesn’t he?” Wooyoung whispered, though not quiet enough to actually not be heard by every single person in the room.

“Just let him be,” Seonghwa said kindly. 

“Why’s he still like that every time when we always beat it outta him in the end anyway?”

“Young-ah-”

“I wouldn’t say we beat it out of him,” Yeosang interjected. “That makes it sound very harsh.”

Seonghwa looked over at him with a pained expression. “Can’t we all just agree to stop talking about our previous lives with them while they’re awake?”

“Why ‘awake’?” Jongho asked, making air quotations with his fingers. All three angels fell silent and turned to face him but he wouldn’t falter under the attention. “Is there something we don’t know yet?”

“Ah…” Yeosang angled himself fully toward him. “When humans fall asleep, their true form, their souls basically, leave the body and go to the higher plane where they recharge and cleanse their energies from their time spent in the lower vibrations and stuff. It’s like the soul’s equivalent to sleeping.”

“So, wait…” Jongho held up a hand and took a moment to collect himself. “You’re telling me my body is a soulless husk every time I sleep?”

“Um…” Yeosang winced. “Yes?”

“Now, that’s a little messed up to think about.”

“What if my soul can’t come back one day?” San asked. “Do I die?”

“Hm… not necessarily?” Wooyoung seemed thoughtful. “You’d end up in a coma though since your soul is responsible for your personality and such, but it’s not in charge of your organs, so all the basic life functions should keep going by themselves.”

“Why are you even telling him that?” Yeosang cut in. “There’s no good reason for his soul to just up and leave.”

“He asked!” Wooyoung argued.

“Then you tell him ‘don’t worry, that’s never gonna happen’!”

“But that’s not the answer he was looking for, was it?” Wooyoung asked, looking right at San who fidgeted under his scrutiny.

“Uh…” Pointedly averting his gaze, San looked around the room for a good few seconds before he focused back on a visibly impatient Wooyoung. “No?”

“See!” Wooyoung shot back at Yeosang who simply sighed and turned away.

“This is already a disaster,” Hongjoong complained as he got up behind them and began gathering his takeout containers.

If this were Hongjoong’s true form, Seonghwa would have said ‘You signed up for this!’ and teased him over it but as it was, he moved closer and felt his heart ache at the deep seated loner mentality embedded in this version of him. 

His number one goal at the moment was getting Hongjoong into a healthier mindset. He wanted him to embrace the joys of living, step away from work and learn more about himself, the universe, and others. But how could he even begin making that happen when Hongjoong was so resistant to every single step of the process? Slow and steady wins the race, he figured.

“You should let yourself enjoy times like these,” Seonghwa ultimately settled on saying.

“What, bickering?” Hongjoong asked sarcastically.

Seonghwa shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

The answer seemed to catch Hongjoong off guard. He looked up at him, searching his eyes, and frowned. “Since when do you want me to pick fights with others?”

“I’m not telling you to pick fights, I’m telling you to become conscious of the times where you enjoy being around others.”

The confusion only seemed to settle deeper into Hongjoong’s expression.

“You’re so lost in your work most of the time you start viewing your own friends as distractions instead of people you cherish. Why can’t you realize your work shouldn’t be the most fulfilling part of your life? Why can’t you admit to yourself that you enjoy being around them more than you enjoy being alone in your studio?”

Hongjoong’s gaze flickered toward Jongho and San as redness spread across his cheeks, making him turn away. “I don’t even know what you’re saying at this point. Please shut up.”

Choosing to give him the out he was asking for, Seonghwa turned back to the others and found them all silently observing Hongjoong. “Let’s all go to the studio and get settled in for the first meeting, hm?”

Everyone’s attention turned to him and, luckily, they seemed to understand and listen for once, which gave Hongjoong a moment to himself while he cleaned up the remainders of his early lunch. In the meantime, everyone else headed down the hall to the small studio where they tried finding a way to all squeeze onto the couch together without making the humans uncomfortable. In Seonghwa’s case, this meant fully removing himself from the equation by standing near the window.

“I’m assuming you wanna go for a power ballad of some sort?” Hongjoong opened the meeting as he walked into the room a few minutes later. He clearly wanted to play everything off and hide behind his job again which was understandable but not productive for Seonghwa’s goals.

“It’s what I had in mind at least,” Jongho said from his position between the armrest and San who made a noise of agreement.

“Alright then.” Hongjoong plopped into his desk chair and turned to face the screen which automatically put his back to everyone else. “I’ve already got some practice and warm up tracks I’ve made in the past…” A few mouse clicks followed. “Maybe we can use some of it as a skeleton for your song.”

“Let’s hear it,” San agreed.

Seonghwa took it as his signal to venture out and have a chat with the other angels. 

By strategically blocking the light falling through the window behind him, he managed to draw Yeosang and Wooyoung’s attention and proceeded to use sign language (past life experiences came in handy) to tell them it was time to get up and step outside with him. After a brief exchange of nods, the two informed their humans with whispered words where they were going before they followed him back to the dining area, leaving the humans to work on their project.

“So… how’s everything going for you two?” Seonghwa asked as they gathered around the small table Hongjoong had previously been sitting at.

“San is… struggling a bit.” Wooyoung propped up his head facing the others. “He still wishes he debuted in a group instead of alone. When he’s touring, especially outside the country, he gets really lonely but he’s become friends with his backup dancers so at least he’s got some company.”

“Jongho’s the same,” Yeosang said. “He says he’s coping well but his other idol friends are busy and aligning schedules is hard. He also doesn’t feel as close to the rest of us since he’s got a different producer and choreographer. And honestly? I’ve been feeling the same. We were all so close the last few lives that I forgot how isolating it can be.”

Seonghwa nodded in understanding. “I’m really sorry you both have to deal with all this, but I promise we’ll figure it out now that we can all see each other. We’ll make it right.” Pausing to take a deep breath and focus his thoughts, he looked down at the table. “So let’s summarize: we all have lonely humans who’re friends and even work in the same company but don’t spend as much time together as they want to be.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure Mingi’s no different,” Wooyoung added.

“So what do we do about it?” Yeosang asked.

“I’m currently trying to wear Hongjoong down so he can learn to let himself enjoy his life more,” Seonghwa replied. “Of course, that’ll automatically include getting closer to everyone since we know it’s what he needs most.”

Wooyoung leaned back in his seat next to Seonghwa. “On my end, I’ve honestly just been talking to San and cheering him up during practice and he says it’s been helping. He as in the real San. Not- not that the human San isn’t real but- you know what I mean.” 

“Regarding Jongho, he started talking to me a lot more when we’re alone in his apartment but he’s largely ignoring me throughout the day,” Yeosang said. “Our Jongho says it’s because he’s scared security cameras, fans or the press might catch him and, personally, I think that’s reasonable so I haven’t been trying to interfere too much.”

Seonghwa nodded in understanding. “So where do we go from here?”

“I think we can all agree Hongjoong is the biggest problem right now since he’s the most reserved, so we should get our humans to spend more time with him which is gonna benefit them too,” Wooyoung said. “We can ask them for ideas on what they think may help him change his outlook on life and, you know, that’ll get them thinking about it too and it’ll be an all around win-win.”

“That’s a vague enough starting point, let’s go with that.” Yeosang accepted Wooyoung’s fist bump of appreciation. “Should I go update Mingi and Yunho right now while our humans are still talking?” He looked to Seonghwa for the go ahead.

“Sure. Feel free to take your time, they’ll no doubt be in there for hours...”

With that, Yeosang disappeared.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” Wooyoung folded his arms on the table and looked toward the window where the sun was shining and the sky was nearly cloudless.

Seonghwa looked from the view back to him. “Hm?” 

“Having all of us back together again.”

“Oh, yes. It feels right. Complete.”

With an unexpectedly deep sigh, Wooyoung dropped his cheek to his arms. “I wish all our humans would just go ahead and sleep in the same room so we can all be properly together again.”

“Aw, Youngie…” Seonghwa smiled as he reached over to brush a few fallen strands away from Wooyoung’s eyes. “I think it’ll be a challenge but maybe in a few months, we’ll have Hongjoong at the point where he’d accept a group sleepover.”

Wooyoung glanced up at him. “You think so?”

“We once managed to survive three plagues in one lifetime, I think we can do anything.”

“Except getting you and Hongjoong to kiss, apparently.”

Lightly smacking Wooyoung over the head, Seonghwa leaned back and looked back out the window. 

“That was uncalled for!” Wooyoung complained, now sitting upright again.

“That was exactly what was called for.”

“I was just stating facts.”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes.

“But seriously, what’s taking you two so long? You’re basically married already.”

“We’re friends.”

“You literally once coparented the rest of us.”

“We were providing you guys a place to live because your parents had died in a war,” Seonghwa replied to which Wooyoung scowled back at him.

“We all thought of you as our parents and even called you our fathers. We were a family and you two were acting like a married couple for more than a decade. Why would you deny that? That life meant a lot to me! I was really happy then despite everything going on around us!”

Guilt spread through Seonghwa at the genuine hurt in Wooyoung’s voice and the memories of a life which had ended in flames. He scooted his chair closer until he could comfortably wrap an arm around Wooyoung and tuck him into his side. “I’m sorry. Of course I don’t wanna deny any of the time we all spent together, it’s just… Things between Hongjoong and I are complicated. We’ve changed and developed alongside each other for so long and the thought of saying or doing anything that could jeopardize a continuation of this path is…”

“Terrifying?” Wooyoung offered

“Yes.” Seonghwa turned to kiss Wooyoung’s temple. “I’m sorry for making you doubt how much that life meant to me too.”

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

Seonghwa nodded but chose to keep Wooyoung curled into him. It was comforting to have him there, especially now when they couldn’t see each other as much anymore.

“Being apart feels so wrong, Hwa.”

“I know.”

“We’ve got to get everyone back under one roof.”

Seonghwa squeezed him tighter for a moment. “We will,” he promised.

“Good.”

The golden opportunity came a few weeks later in the form of a one week holiday vacation.

“This is it, isn’t it?” Hongjoong asked as they were watching the sun rise while soft, even breathing emanated from the bed behind them.

They were in Hongjoong’s apartment for once and standing by the window while two packed suitcases lay unzipped on the ground near the door. It was the night before their week long trip to a little lakeside cabin owned by Mingi’s parents, a trip suggested and planned by the kids who were fully relying on Seonghwa to ensure Hongjoong would be packed and ready no matter his protests. Reliable as he was, Seonghwa hadn’t just guaranteed Hongjoong was ready to go, he’d also managed to talk him out of packing his entire studio gear so Seonghwa’s hopes were high that this would actually end up being a relaxing week for everyone.

“What do you mean?” Seonghwa now asked as he turned to face Hongjoong and quickly found himself distracted by his side profile in the golden hues of daybreak. In moments like these, it felt wrong to think of himself as the angel when any human could see it should have been the other way around.

“This’ll be our big chance to fix everything and get all our lives on the right track. We’ll all be spending a full week in the same house so we get to reunite as a family and plan everything out day by day, fix any mistakes along the way, and just be together without having to wait for everyone’s schedules to align. It’ll be just like it used to! I honestly couldn’t have come up with anything more ideal myself, Mingi is a genius. Actually, don’t tell him I said that.”

Seonghwa chuckled. “Alright, I won’t.”

They could hear the rustling of the covers behind them.

“Ah, rise and shine, Joong-ah,” Seonghwa greeted, his voice only slightly above a whisper.

Beside him, Hongjoong faded with a little smile and wave, while behind him, his human form awoke with a groan and mumbled curse. Seonghwa turned to watch him fumble around with his phone until the screen lit up and made him hiss. “Only six, what the fuck…” With a click, darkness fell again right before he rolled back over and drew the covers up higher.

Suppressing a laugh, Seonghwa walked closer, rounded the bed and crouched down on the side Hongjoong was facing. “Good morning,” he said, ensuring to keep his volume low. Reaching out to move the bangs from Hongjoong’s eyes, his fingertips brushed along soft strands and even softer skin. “Your alarm goes off at six thirty and you hate the sound of it. Wouldn’t it be better to switch it off now and stay awake?”

Eyes still shut, Hongjoong lightly slapped his hand aside and tucked the covers up to his cheekbones. “More sleep.”

Seonghwa patted the top of Hongjoong’s head, relishing in this sleep warm and relaxed version of his human. “Alright then but don’t say I didn’t warn you when that siren almost gives you a heart attack again.”

A low tired sound was all the answer he got.

His fingers were still combing through soft strands as Hongjoong drifted back into sleep and his true form appeared back by his side.

“I wish I’d listened to you,” Hongjoong complained and sighed as he slumped onto Seonghwa’s back, nearly sending him face first into the bedframe with the sudden impact and added weight. Through sheer force of luck, Seonghwa managed to shift his stance in time and recentered himself.

“Careful or you’re gonna wake him up again!” Seonghwa warned, keeping his voice down. 

“Sorry. No, wait.” Hongjoong’s chin dug into Seonghwa’s shoulder as he held on tight. “Why am I apologizing? That’s myself I’d be waking.” 

“Be considerate. He hasn’t been sleeping much.”

“I’m aware, I was there.”

Withdrawing his hands from the human’s hair, Seonghwa held onto the bed frame as he lowered himself to the ground while Hongjoong remained wrapped around him. Once seated, Hongjoong shuffled around restlessly for nearly half a minute until he could spread out his legs and bracket Seonghwa between them, all of which led to Seonghwa’s brain short circuiting. He didn’t know what to do with himself under these circumstances. When did Hongjoong become this physically affectionate with him? Hugs and casual touches were common among them, yes, even the occasional cuddling, but this? This was a bit more than was the norm for them.

“You’re being cute with my human form now…” Hongjoong mumbled as he pressed his cheek to Seonghwa’s shoulder, breathing into his neck. “It’s weird to know you’re the same person with both of us, memories and all. I thought I’d get used to it but it’s still a bit weird.”

“Does it bother you?” Seonghwa asked, heart beating a little faster at their proximity and hoping Hongjoong wouldn’t notice. 

“Hmm… no.” Hooking his chin over Seonghwa’s shoulder, Hongjoong started playing with the zipper of Seonghwa’s jacket. “Actually… maybe a bit?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s making me a bit… I don’t know, jealous?” There was a newfound restlessness to Hongjoong’s fiddling as the tinkling of metal against metal rang out with increasing frequency. “I don’t know if that’s the right word but… when you’re with him, you’re generally kind and understanding and I get that, I’m used to that, but I feel like you’re starting to treat him more like me and that feels… weird.”

“Why’re you talking about yourself in the third person?”

Hongjoong made an annoyed sound and stopped his fiddling to lightly smack Seonghwa’s arm. “I’m being vulnerable here, asshole!”

Chuckling, Seonghwa felt some of the tension ease up around them as intended. “Do you want me to treat you differently when you’re in your human form?”

“I don’t know…” Hongjoong leaned even more heavily into him. “I guess not.”

“But you’ll tell me if I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable.”

“I always do.”

They stayed like that, curled up on the floor, until Hongjoong suddenly sat upright in his bed twenty minutes later and nearly flung his phone across the room when it wouldn’t stop blasting his alarm, simultaneously triggering the neighbors to shout complaints and kick the dividing wall. It was a good start to the holidays.

“You’re with Yeosang and I!” Jongho announced through the rolled down passenger window as two cars pulled up back to back to the curb in front of Hongjoong’s apartment. The sky was still changing colors overhead as the freezing wind crawled under their clothes and while, as an angel, Seonghwa wasn’t bothered, he could see Hongjoong shiver in his oversized hoodie and sweatpants.

“Alright, but since when do you even have a license?” Hongjoong asked.

“Last month.”

“Oh joy…” The comment was muttered under Hongjoong’s breath as he approached the trunk and stored away his suitcases.

Seonghwa looked over to the other car parked ahead of Jongho’s and teleported himself into the backseat after exchanging a silent greeting with Yunho through the reflection in the side view mirror. “Good morning!”

“Morning!” Smiling brightly, Yeosang turned in his seat and reached out to show him the object clutched in his hand. “Look at this! Mingi gave it to me. It’s a walkie talkie so we can talk to everyone else while we’re driving without needing our phones!” He brought the device closer to his face and pressed the button on its side. “Blue car to red car, blue car to red car, can you hear me? Over.”

“Loud and clear, blue car,” Yunho’s voice responded. “Is the captain on deck yet? Over.”

Just then, the door opened and Hongjoong slid into the seat beside Seonghwa. 

“Yes, the captain is finally on deck. Over!”

Confused, Hongjoong looked from Yeosang to Seonghwa and back. “What?”

“Great news, blue car. Let’s get this show on the road. Over and out!”

“Come on, Jongho!” Yeosang said eagerly, his walkie talkie lowered as he moved to properly sit in his seat again. “Start the engine. We don’t wanna get into any traffic jams along the way.”

“Please, Sannie, you gotta switch with me!” Hongjoong hissed as they leaned into each other across the picnic table at the rest stop just after Yeosang and Mingi had left for the bathroom.

“Why? Jongho is a really stable driver for a beginner.”

“He’s letting Yeosang pick the music. I’m begging you.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Yes, and that’s coming from me who likes almost anything. Sannie, I swear, I’m gonna lose it and I didn’t pack my noise canceling headphones because someone-” Hongjoong turned to glare at Seonghwa seated next to him “- didn’t let me pack my studio equipment-” he looked back at San “-but you brought yours so you can escape it so please, please-”

“Alright, alright, fine.”

Hongjoong fell back into his seat with a deep exhale. “Thank you. I owe you one.”

“Wait…” Frowning, Wooyoung turned to San. “Does this mean I’ve gotta switch cars too?”

“Of course,” Seonghwa was quick to answer and tried really hard not to let his amusement show, “you’re his guardian angel and he’ll be in a fast moving vehicle. If something happens, you’re in charge of keeping him safe.”

“Ah shit,” Wooyoung whined. “If it’s anything like Webern’s Five Pieces for Orchestra Op. 10 again, I’m gonna jump out of the moving car, I mean it, no matter the consequences.”

Several hours later, they pulled up to a beautiful wooden cabin while Hongjoong was fighting sleep in the backseat and Seonghwa was casually chatting with Yunho and Mingi. The atmosphere was warm and peaceful, filling Seonghwa with a serenity he hadn’t felt since Hongjoong had entered the workforce. This trip would be good for all of them, he could feel it.

The walkie talkie crackled to live as they parked. “Blue car to red car, we’ll be shutting off our communication device now. Over!”

Yunho chuckled before he pressed the button to answer. “Red car to blue car, thank you for informing us. We’ll be doing the same. Over and out!” With that, he flipped the switch on the side and packed the walkie talkie into the glove compartment by his knees.

Meanwhile, Seonghwa opened his seatbelt and scooted closer to Hongjoong who was still on the brink of nodding off, his head resting between the wall and headrest, appearing far from comfortable.

“Joong-ah,” Seonghwa said softly and reached up to pat Hongjoong’s cheek. “Time to get up. You can sleep inside if you want.”

Hongjoong nodded and lifted his head which seemed to cost him a lot of effort.

A lingering moment passed during which Seonghwa simply observed his human with growing fondness. He appeared so young like this, fumbling to click open his seatbelt while his eyes were still drooping. “Come on, let me help you.” He nudged Hongjoong’s fingers aside and clicked the belt open for him.

“The beds in there are far more comfortable than a car seat,” Mingi spoke up in the driver’s seat before he opened his door and stepped out of the car. 

“Only a few steps between here and the front door, alright?” Seonghwa said as he reached across Hongjoong to open the door for him. And it was then that Hongjoong dropped his forehead onto Seonghwa’s shoulder for just a moment, leaving Seonghwa’s breath hitching before he pushed against the now open door and slid outside.

After a round of rock paper scissors to decide sleeping arrangements, the humans all went off to their bedrooms where they could drop off their suitcases and get settled in. But while three of them re-emerged no more than a few minutes later, Hongjoong remained noticeably absent. That was, until he suddenly popped up beside Seonghwa.

“I just laid down and passed out, sorry.”

San, Jongho, and Mingi were all gaping at him as if they were looking at a ghost and, to be fair, they might as well be but for three others, it was a whole different story.

“Oh… they can see me.” Hongjoong offered the humans a little smile and had just opened his mouth to say something else when his gaze seemed to get caught on the three angels standing just off to the side, all looking at him with big round eyes. 

For the first time in this lifetime, Seonghwa looked at them and all he could see were the orphans Wooyoung had reminded him of not too long ago. He felt his heart crack while the energy in the room shifted as emotions welled up in so many of them and something visibly changed in Hongjoong. His entire face softened under an adoring smile as he looked at them and slightly spread out his arms in invitation. “It’s been a while…”

The three angels took it as the invitation it was and rushed forward to embrace Hongjoong from all sides, causing his slim frame to fully disappear from sight. The ache in Seonghwa’s chest was a sweet one as small sniffles could be heard from within the little huddle, tugging at Seonghwa’s heartstrings as he was reminded of how long it had been since they’d been apart this long. 

In each recent lifetime, they’d always met in their late teens at the latest and had always died within less than five years of each other. He glanced over at San, Mingi, and Jongho and couldn’t help but wish they were in their true form as well so they could all be together again but… all in due time. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there.”

As he heard those words from Hongjoong, everything within Seonghwa ached because he could tell Hongjoong was on the brink of crying. 

“Don’t be sorry..” Wooyoung’s voice sounded hoarse, making Seonghwa instinctively step forward to do something but Hongjoong was faster as he reached up to cup Wooyoung’s cheeks and check his face for any signs of tears. “It was my stupid idea.” 

At Wooyoung’s words, Seonghwa looked over at San and found him lowering his head just a fraction. The words must hurt but it wasn’t Seonghwa’s place to fix it right now. He’d have to make sure to talk to Wooyoung later if he didn’t address it himself first.

“It wasn’t stupid,” Hongjoong reassured. “We all agreed to try it out, right?” Upon receiving a nod, he moved on to Yeosang and ran a hand through his hair. “You’ve been lonely…” 

After a moment’s hesitation, Yeosang nodded. 

“I’m so sorry.”

Yeosang shook his head and hid his face in Hongjoong’s shoulder again as Hongjoong held him with one arm while the other reached up to cup Yunho’s cheek who leaned into the touch with a small nod after meeting Hongjoong’s searching gaze.

There were no words to describe the emotions bursting in Seonghwa’s chest as he watched Hongjoong fall so naturally back into his role as a guardian, a comfort person, a home. He felt selfish for wanting to join and downright guilty for having been the only one who’d gotten to have him like this for the last twenty-five years while all the others had to take on this new challenge by themselves.

“Hwa?”

Seonghwa was pulled from his thoughts as his gaze met Hongjoong’s and his eyes burned. He looked down at the fingers reaching out to him and laid his own on top with only a moment’s hesitation. The arms he was pulled into accepted him instantly, joining him into their shared embrace and welcoming him back into what finally felt like the beginnings of their family again. “Not to ruin the mood or anything, but what’s happening here right now?”

As Yunho stepped back to look at Mingi who’d raised the question, the rest of them also dropped their arms and moved to re-establish some physical boundaries between them. 

“This is Hongjoong’s true form,” Yunho said. “His body’s asleep upstairs so his soul is here, basically, and you can see it now because… I… I don’t know why, actually…”

“Excuse me while I take a seat,” San mumbled as took a few steps back and dropped into the couch cushions.

“You remember all past lives like they do?” Jongho asked to which Hongjoong nodded.

“What’s your take on work-life-balance?” Mingi jumped in.

Chuckling, Hongjoong shook his head. “I’m not that big on capitalism if that’s what you mean.”

Mingi offered him a thumbs up and left it at that.

“Should you even be talking to us? Like… should we be allowed to see you?” Jongho questioned.

“Hmm… I don’t know.” Hongjoong cocked his head. “I’ve never heard of something like this happening before.”

“There’s astral projection,” Yeosang pointed out.

“You’re right, there is!” Hongjoong said, face lighting up. “Humans have even unintentionally astral-projected in their sleep before so clearly, we’re not breaking any cosmic rules and there’s nothing to worry about. Let’s just enjoy this trip in all its forms then, alright?”

“You’re almost scarily relaxed,” Mingi observed.

“I prefer this version!” Jongho said and stepped forward to accept Hongjoong’s fistbump

The gesture, while cute, made Seonghwa feel a little bad. He knew human Hongjoong struggled a bit with expressing his love for his friends, so hearing Jongho joke like this would surely hurt him. But saying so out loud right now would also feel a little cruel when the other three angels still kept looking at Hongjoong every few seconds, as if he were about to disappear if they let him out of their sight for too long.

“Are you okay, Sannie?” Wooyoung’s voice was full of concern as he addressed his human.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little… overwhelmed? I don’t know what I imagined when you said you could talk to my soul while I’m asleep, but…” San seemed to collect his thoughts for a moment. “I guess I just didn’t picture it’d be so… physical? So real? He’s like a regular living breathing human being. You can talk to him and touch him and it’s… it’s not at all what I thought it’d be like.”

“Is it a problem for you?” Wooyoung asked, audibly concerned.

San was quick to shake his head. “No, that’s not it. It just makes me wonder.”

“About what?”

“What my soul is up to when I’m asleep.”

“Oh.” Seonghwa watched as a thoughtful expression overtook Wooyoung’s face for a brief moment before he looked back at San and shrugged. “You’re just… you. But with all your memories.”

“But doesn’t that make us completely different people?” San asked. “Do you get what I mean? We’re clearly not the same person if we’re shaped by different experiences.”

“Sorry, I was never that much into philosophy.”

San looked deeply reluctant as he laughed and dropped his face into his palms. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me? I’ve been told it’s easy to adore me.”

“Seonghwa and I will take the blame for that one,” Hongjoong volunteered.

“You’re welcome,” Seonghwa added.

Wooyoung turned to beam at them joyfully.

“If my soul says something dumb to any of you,” Mingi began, “I won’t be held accountable, right?”

“No,” Seonghwa reassured him.

“So… what am I like with all my memories?” Jongho wondered out loud.

Inclining his head, Seonghwa looked to Yeosang for the answer. As the guardian angel in charge of that front, it’d be up to him to offer as much information as he felt was right. “You’re a bit more… mischievous,” Yeosang began after a moment’s pondering. “But in general, not much different from who you normally are. It’s like… you’re you, but without all the stress that comes with being human. It’s kinda hard to explain.”

“A soul is like the condensed form of someone’s personality, in a way,” Hongjoong offered. “Broadly speaking, you’re the same person in each life but since you’re being born into different circumstances, living through different events, meeting different people and so on, you turn out different in each lifetime.”

“Then what’s the point of being reborn?” Mingi frowned. “If you never get to remember anything, why start over again? Aren’t we all just repeating the same mistakes over and over again? Don’t you get annoyed by your human selves?”

“We do grow with each life,” Yunho interjected. “Your past lives leave traces on your soul, they shape the essence of who you are. It’s why humans have gut feelings and instincts. It’s why you have talents and dreams and desires and urges. So, the more lives you’ve lived, the less mistakes you’ll make and the more you’ll long to do the things you didn’t get to do in your last life.”

“Why do I feel like I’m receiving knowledge humans shouldn’t possess?” Jongho mumbled though loud enough for all of them to hear.

“He’s got a point!” Seonghwa spoke up. “We should stop before the universe does something to make us stop.”

“Wait, what?” San burst out.

“Seonghwa!” Wooyoung complained. “You’re scaring him!”

“Sorry, sorry, no need to worry, San, I promise!”

They ended up watching a movie to get everyone’s minds off things, but midway through, Hongjoong suddenly disappeared, only for his human counterpart to come sleepily stumbling down the stairs and casually curl up in the same spot his true form had just vacated. It was a bit bizarre to witness but, luckily, no one said a thing and Hongjoong was peacefully left in the dark, at least for now.

After the movie, the four humans ordered themselves something to eat and returned to the sitting area where they put on another movie before they called it a night. 

As they all collectively went upstairs to retire for the night, the angels were left to their own devices, TV still running as if they were pets whose owners didn’t want them to get lonely while they were at work. 

Restlessness began to spread among them as the noises upstairs began to quiet down until all that was left was complete silence. Anxious to have his family all in one place again, Seonghwa began to fidget as they grew ever closer to getting just that but, damn, humans needed a long time to fall asleep.

“Are you alright?” Yunho asked while the four of them were sitting on the couch, empty spaces between them where their respective humans had vacated them.

Meeting his warm gaze, Seonghwa could feel something in his chest ease. “I’ve just missed them, you know?”

“I do.” Even without the words, the shift in Yunho’s expression alone would’ve already been answer enough.

“Hwa!” 

At the excited shout, Seonghwa looked up right away, yet still barely managed to catch the incoming body in his arms without getting his teeth knocked in by San’s forehead. His eyes burnt as he squeezed them shut and focused on the curled up frame tucked into his hold and lap like an overgrown child. The nose brushing across his neck sniffled as San shuffled impossibly closer. “Sannie…” Seonghwa got out as he tightened his arms around the broad shoulders.

“I missed you,” San mumbled, the words muffled by the fabric covering Seonghwa’s shoulder.

Unable to trust his voice, Seonghwa nodded in silent agreement.

“Sangie!” San reached out to grab Yeosang by the shirt and pulled him closer until he was tucked safely into Seonghwa’s right side. “Yunho…”

“Everyone just come here!” Wooyoung exclaimed after which Seonghwa felt more and more weight settle onto him from all sides and each added gram seemed to ease the pressure he hadn’t realized was present around his heart. Eventually, all he could feel was warmth, comfort, and love for the people in their bond who’d been kept from him for too long.

Chapter Text

When Hongjoong awoke the next day, he could already hear voices in the distance and let his gaze drift across his unfamiliar surroundings. Last night, he’d just collapsed onto the mattress (twice) and hadn’t really paid it all much attention, but now he noticed the patterned wallpaper, how it matched the curtains and sheets, the landscape paintings on the wall signed by Mingi’s grandfather, and the alarm clock on the nightstand which only read six in the morning. Everything felt warm and personal, cozy. 

But instead of letting himself relish in the atmosphere, he couldn’t help but feel… stabbing guilt? The feeling seemed a little out of left field so he sat with it for a moment as their faces flashed through his mind and he suddenly recalled instance after instance of text exchanges and conversations cut short over the years, followed by a series of recently turned down invitations and petty arguments. Alright, so maybe he did have some things to apologize for.

But they’d still been so excited when he’d promised them he’d come, so clear he wasn’t all bad, right? But still, he promised himself he’d be on his best behavior from now on so, after taking one last deep breath, he rolled out of bed and faced the day.

After a quick stop in the bathroom, he went downstairs and, surprisingly, found everyone already gathered on the couch and chatting. Actually… not just chatting because there was Mingi kissing his guardian angel. On the mouth. “What the fuck?” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

In an instant, Wooyoung jumped out of San’s lap, Yeosang pulled back from Jongho who’d been leaning on his shoulder, and Seonghwa teleported over to block his view (too late) with an unconvincingly innocent smile.

“Hongjoong! Good morning! I thought you’d take your time getting ready but you’re up early, huh?”

“Not as early as everyone else, apparently.” Leaning sideways to look past Seonghwa, he found the others all lined up in front of the couch as if they were at a boarding school and he was the teacher. “What’s going on here? And since when is Mingi dating Yunho? Did I miss an announcement in the group chat?”

He looked back at Seonghwa who met him with a hint of concern and reached out to take his hand. “Let’s just sit down and talk, alright?”

“Okay?”

Looking down at their linked hands, he felt his heart speed up a little. It was then that Hongjoong was forcibly reminded of a recent… development. Admitting to himself he was attracted to Seonghwa had been easy enough, Seonghwa was gorgeous, there’d never been any denying that, but he was less sure about what to do about his potential… feelings. 

He wasn’t sure what to do about it yet. If that was even what this was. All he knew was that he’d never be able to work his life around another person’s schedule and with Seonghwa, he didn’t need to. His entire life was dedicated to Hongjoong by design, he’d be there with him every day, and these days, he was even freely offering affection left, right, and center, so it was only natural for him to develop some type of feelings, right?

His thoughts were still racing when Seonghwa nudged him to sit on the couch beside San before he himself squeezed up against the armrest. 

“There are some things we need to tell you,” Seonghwa said as everyone else sat back down beside Hongjoong. 

“Go on.” Glancing over, Hongjoong watched the six people beside him fidget, which was slowly filling him with concern. 

“These aren’t your San, Mingi, and Jongho. Their bodies are asleep upstairs.”

Jumping sideways to get away, Hongjoong nearly ended up in Seonghwa’s lap as he stared at San right next to him. “The fuck? What do you mean? Are these their- their souls?”

“You could say that.”

“Hey.” Waving awkwardly, San sent him a shaky smile.

Hongjoong reached out to poke him in the cheek. “That’s so freaky, what the hell…” He jerked back his hand and looked up at Seonghwa, whom he was still squishing up against the armrest. “Sorry.” Reluctantly, he shuffled a little closer to San, giving his angel some space. “Why does he feel so human?”

“For the same reasons I do.”

“Oh. Right.”

Leaning forward to look at everyone a bit more closely, Hongjoong couldn’t help but notice the differing levels of apprehension and awkwardness they were all watching him with. “I… I don’t know how to feel right now, to be honest but… it’s nice to meet you?”

“Likewise?” Mingi replied after a beat.

Hongjoong nodded in acknowledgment while wringing his hands together. “So… you’re with Yunho, huh?”

“Yup.” The answer came casual as Mingi patted Yunho’s knee next to him, only for Yunho to nudge his hand away with a blatantly nervous expression. “We’ve been together in the last three lifetimes too.”

“That’s… nice.”

“Sannie and I got together in our last life too,” Wooyoung said as if he were owning up to something.

Unsure what to say to that, Hongjoong went with a “congratulations?” that had Wooyoung looking stunned.

“You’re not mad?” Wooyoung asked.

“What? Why would I be?”

“You don’t think it’s wrong for us to be together when their human selves don’t know?”

“No?” Hongjoong frowned as he thought it over. “I mean… you were together before they were born so it’d be weirder if you broke up for this lifetime and got back together after, wouldn’t it? Now, that would make for a messy ass relationship. But, yeah, I guess it’d be good to tell their… human selves eventually. They’d probably like to know. On that note: please tell me our souls or whatever always look this age because-”

Eyes blown wide in realization, Wooyoung violently shook his head to cut him off. “Souls always look the same age, don’t even imply-”

“I didn’t want to but the thought came into my head and-”

“I get, I get it, but please, let’s just drop it.”

“Let’s drop it, yeah.” Sinking back into the cushions, Hongjoong let the discomfort of the moment dissipate which quickly made way for a whole rush of other emotions as the reality of the situation settled into him, all culminating into a rush of uncontrollable giggles bubbling up and out of him before he could fully comprehend what he was doing. He draped an arm over his face as he thought about his friends’ souls sitting next to him, all dating their guardian angels, while all their human selves, including two super successful idols, had been single pretty much their entire lives, and how he was now sitting on the couch as the only human among four angels and three souls, all inside a house that wasn’t his. When did this become his life? And why did he actually feel comfortable when it should all be nothing but weird, if not downright scary? “Oh man, what even is my life.” 

“I think he’s losing it, fellas,” San said, patting Hongjoong’s chest as if he were trying to calm a horse or something. The thought only threw Hongjoong into another chuckle fit.

As opposed to San, Seonghwa actually sounded amused as he spoke. “He’s just processing his new reality, give him a moment.”

When Hongjoong eventually calmed down, he was wiping tears from the corners of his eyes as he lowered his arm back to his side and sniffed. “Ah, sorry.” He tried to calm his breathing as he brought up his legs, crossing them at the ankles, and carelessly rested his knees on both San and Seonghwa’s thighs. “I needed that, thank you.”

Seonghwa placed a hand on his back, drawing gentle circles which had Hongjoong’s skin prickling with goose bumps, though he tried not to let his reaction show. “Do you feel better now?” Seonghwa asked.

“Much, yeah.” The smile came easily as Hongjoong ran his gaze across everyone. “This has got to be weird for all of you as well, right?”

“You have no idea,” Jongho said. “My human self just started growing feelings for Yeosang and I just know it’s about to get really embarrassing for me and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“You should try being on this end,” Wooyoung complained. “I keep dropping hints and flirting but San’s too dumb to-” Cut off by San’s fingers poking his side, Wooyoung burst into a fit of laughter as he squirmed closer to Mingi in an attempt to get away.

“Wait a second, Jongho and Yeosang too?” Hongjoong blurted out as realization kicked in. He turned back to Seonghwa. “Are you and I the only ones who aren’t-” Feeling his cheeks warm, he cut himself off. “Or are we too…?”

Seonghwa’s cheeks grew pink as their eyes met and he slowly shook his head. “We aren’t.”

Averting his gaze, Hongjoong felt his chest and stomach clench while the heat in his face intensified. “Ah, okay… good… good to know.” He nodded to himself. It was hard to figure out whether he was disappointed or relieved by the answer.

“How would you have felt if you were?” San asked, no longer tormenting Wooyoung who was breathing heavily, a leg draped over San’s lap, nearly knocking into Hongjoong’s knee, as he clutched San’s wrists firmly in his lap. The sight was foreign but somehow, Hongjoong found it easy to accept. He still wanted to kick San off the couch though because of his stupid question.

“San!” Seonghwa scolded before Hongjoong could kick his friend’s soul.

“It’s a genuine question!” San whined.

“It’s inappropriate!”

Pouting, San focused back on Wooyoung who seemed to welcome the attention with a mischievous grin as he tugged at San’s wrists.

For some reason, looking at them made Hongjoong feeling like he was the one intruding, even though they were the ones acting like this out in the living room while surrounded by six other people. “I’m gonna go ahead and take a shower before the entire house wakes up!” he announced, getting to his feet. “You can all… go ahead and make out or whatever you were doing before I got here.”

“But who’s gonna make out with Seonghwa when you’re-” Wooyoung’s squawk was the last thing Hongjoong heard before he stormed up the stairs.

When he came back down an hour later, Yunho was lying on the couch with Mingi draped across him while they were watching some anime on the TV and the rest were gathered in the kitchen, seemingly attempting to make… some sort of food, presumably. It was tough to tell when Jongho was standing wrapped around Yeosang’s back and creating a doughy mess on the little breakfast bar while Seonghwa and Wooyoung were manning pots and pans on the stove and San was already washing dishes.

“Are there any other humans here?” Hongjoong asked as he walked deeper into the room.

“Only me!” San called out, raising a dish brush into the air without turning to face him.

“Good morning to you then, fellow human!”

“Morning!” There was a warm happiness in San’s tone now before he threw him a smile.

Hongjoong walked up behind him and peeked over his shoulder. “You need any help?”

“It’s alright, I’m almost done.”

Nodding, Hongjoong hopped on the counter beside him and traced his eyes across San’s fluffy hair and bare face. He already seemed a lot more relaxed and carefree than Hongjoong had seen him in months. “Thank you, Sannie.” He blurted the words out, giving in to a pressing urge to voice his appreciation where he’d normally just walk away and find something else to do .

A crease appeared in San’s brow as he looked up to meet his eyes. “What for? Washing the dishes?”

“No.” Feeling awkward now, Hongjoong averted his gaze and forced the remaining words out. “For inviting me here. For being my friend.” 

Visibly caught off guard, San’s lips parted as he stared at him for a good few seconds, his gaze burning into the side of Hongjoong’s face as he squirmed on the counter in nervous discomfort. And then came the tears, welling up in San’s eyes and brimming over as his face scrunched up.

“Oh… oh no… uh…” Panicking at the distraught expression on San’s face, Hongjoong shot forward, hands fluttering helplessly across San’s shoulders as he tried to figure out what to do but San ultimately beat him to it. Grabbing his hands, he tugged him forward and stepped closer with open arms, leaving Hongjoong to fall into his embrace.

There was no doubt San had been working out a lot, but it had never been more evident than at that moment in which Hongjoong was surrounded by the results of all that hard work and left to wrap his arms around broad shoulders. Wide-eyed and unsure, he slowly let himself relax and sink into the warmth and comfort San was offering.

“I haven’t been a very good friend,” Hongjoong whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not half bad, don’t worry,” San teased, but the words sounded a little wet.

“I was trying so hard to help you live your dream as your producer,” Hongjoong went on, feeling the need to explain himself, “but I admit I might’ve been neglecting you as a friend along the way and… I’m really sorry about that. I’ll try to make more time for you outside of work, I promise.”

“You mean it?”

“I do.”

“Are you two… hugging it out while doing the dishes?” 

Pushing out of the hug, Hongjoong immediately caught sight of Jongho at the corner of the kitchen, just a few steps from the bottom of the stairs, and a quick glance over at the breakfast bar confirmed Yeosang was now alone, which meant this had to be human Jongho. Their youngest must’ve just woken up and come downstairs right away. 

“You wanna join?” Hongjoong teased, to which Jongho flinched back and frowned.

“What? No, why?”

Sliding off the counter, Hongjoong figured he might as well carry forward the momentum and brushed past San to tackle Jongho into a hug, feeling him instantly grow stiff as a board. 

“What’s happening?” Jongho sounded panicked.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Hongjoong said as he tightened his hold around his youngest. “You’re still so young and you’ve got all these responsibilities and I should’ve made more time to help you along the way.”

“What… what are you- what’s happening? Are you trying to confess or what-”

Huffing out a laugh, Hongjoong sunk further against Jongho whose hands were now cautiously coming up to rest on his back. “Don’t worry, this is platonic. I just woke up feeling sentimental, can you let me have this?”

“As long as it doesn’t become a habit, I guess.”

Laughing, Hongjoong patted Jongho’s back before he stepped back to give him his precious space back.

“You didn’t have to apologize, I was never mad at you or anything,” Jongho said as cocked his head at Hongjoong. “You’ve helped me plenty and I was really relieved when they told me about the collab and how I’d get to work with you again. But yeah, I guess sometimes-” Jongho fell silent for a moment “-sometimes I do wish you’d make more time for me.”

Hearing those words stung, leading Hongjoong to reach up and squeeze Jongho’s shoulder. “I’ll make time now, I promise, okay? I mean it. You have full permission to physically drag me out of my studio from here on out.”

“Yeah?” Jongho’s expression turned mischievous. “Like, pick you up and-”

“It’s a metaphor!” Hongjoong cut in, making Jongho laugh.

“Alright, okay.”

They were still standing there when long arms suddenly wrapped around both their shoulders, alerting them to Mingi’s presence. “Morning,” he greeted, followed by a prolonged yawn. 

“Morning!” Jongho echoed.

“I wanted to apologize to you too,” Hongjoong immediately blurted out.

“Huh? For what?”

“I’ve been… a bit of a shitty friend to you. And I’m sorry. I promise I’ll do better.”

“Dude, what?” Mingi was nearly gaping in shock. “Where’s all that coming from? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“Is this what you’re like when you actually get some sleep?”

Laughter echoed all around him as Hongjoong rolled his eyes and shook Mingi’s arm off. “Screw you, I’m no longer sorry.”

“No take backs!”

The rocky shore of the nearby lake was bathed in sunlight and dancing shadows as the breeze blew across the water, causing the surrounding trees to sway. Hongjoong, sitting to Seonghwa’s left, was looking out at the water where San, Jongho, and their angels were skipping rocks while Yunho and Mingi were sitting off to the side, preoccupied with a shared pair of airpods and Mingi’s phone. 

“How’re you feeling after all that?” Seonghwa asked, the first words he’d spoken since they’d sat down about a minute ago.

Looking over at his guardian angel, Hongjoong couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t know. It was weird but I do feel lighter now.” 

“Weird how?”

“When I woke up this morning, I suddenly felt so guilty and this urge to, I don’t know, tell my friends I love them, rethink my priorities or something. It’s like I had an epiphany in my sleep that I can’t remember anymore.”

“Right…”

Frowning at the way Seonghwa averted his eyes and his tone, Hongjoong felt suspicion creep up in him. “Are you not telling me something?”

“Are we going out for lunch?” San interjected as he walked up to them, Wooyoung wrapped around him piggyback style.

“Depends,” Hongjoong replied, shifting his attention momentarily, “do you wanna be able to openly chat with all the angels here or pretend they don’t exist ‘cause we’re in public?”

“Good point. Let’s order in.”

“That’s what I thought.”

As San turned away again, he angled his head toward Wooyoung whose head was resting on his shoulder. “Sometimes I forget you’re not human too.”

“I like it when you treat me like I’m human,” Wooyoung replied, his voice fading as they were moving further away.

“I’m glad they worked things out,” Seonghwa said, the relief in his tone a stark contrast to the concern now welling up in Hongjoong at the implication.

“Did something happen?”

“Last night, Wooyoung said something that hurt San’s feelings, but it seems like they’ve already worked it out.”

“When did they talk? San went to bed at the same time as…” Hongjoong trailed off as his thoughts began to speed up. “Wait…” He frowned as he thought back to the day prior. “No, he was in his true form while we were asleep so when…” He trailed off as he thought back to their arrival and- “Hold up! No… no, really? When I was napping, really?”

Seonghwa nodded in confirmation.

“So they all…” Hongjoong looked out at his friends. “They all met that other version of me?”

“They did.”

Feeling a little uneasy, Hongjoong began to fidget with the ends of his hoodie sleeves. “That’s a weird thought.”

“They weren’t talking all that much. They were too confused to do more than ask questions.”

Nodding in acknowledgment, Hongjoong tried to let the cocktail of emotions go. “I’ve been thinking about all that though. And I was wondering about what we were like, y’know, before? In those other lifetimes.”

“We were… close. Friends. Best friends. Something bordering on parents once upon a time.”

Confusion had Hongjoong drawing his eyebrows together. “Parents?”

“We were taking care of a younger group of boys together. I can’t say much more than that.”

“But we weren’t…”

With reddened cheeks, Seonghwa shook his head.

Averting his eyes, Hongjoong felt himself flush but couldn’t help but question his ‘soul’s’ feelings. Was there really nothing romantic between them? If he himself was already questioning things, shouldn’t his supposed true self already have fallen even deeper? Or were they really just meant to be friends, the only exception in their group?

“So… you and I,” Hongjoong said, “we’re always surrounded by couples in every lifetime?” 

“It’s really more of a recent development, but I can’t get into much more detail.”

“Ah. The unspoken code of guardian angel ethics, right.”

Seonghwa chuckled and nudged their shoulders together. “You know it.”

Smiling at the lightheartedness of the moment, Hongjoong scooted closer until their shoulders were pressed flush. “You were so right when you said I needed this vacation.”

“I’m glad you’re seeing that now,” Seonghwa said warmly. “It’s good to see you like this.”

Smiling, Hongjoong looked out at the others as he felt his stomach growl and remembered San’s words. “Who’s hungry?” he called out, loud enough to reach them all. As shouts of “me!” echoed toward him, he could feel the grin spread across his face.

Hours later, Hongjoong appeared next to his sleeping self and couldn’t help but frown down at his own body. “You’re really stirring up trouble in my life, you know that?” he told himself and turned away with a sigh. 

This wasn’t the first lifetime in which he’d fallen for Seonghwa but there had always been too much going on for them to pursue anything and, outside their lives, they’d always maintained the bond from their first shared life and just built on it more and more. Taking things in a romantic direction had just never felt… right? No. Worth the risk.

Breaking a streak of shared lifetimes, a soulbond, for the sake of a chance at romance had never felt worth it. What if it didn’t work out? What if things got so warped and awkward they could never come back from it? The thought alone was too horrifying to entertain, especially when they were also bonded to six other souls whose bonds would get shattered alongside theirs, leaving them drifting and getting reborn potentially oceans and decades apart.

But now… Now there was his human self, putting thoughts into his head and straight up asking Seonghwa about their relationship. And what had Seonghwa done when he’d been openly confronted with the idea of such a relationship with him? He’d blushed! No disgust, no confusion, not even nonchalance, but pretty red cheeks and an honest answer. Now, what the fuck was Hongjoong supposed to do with that? Shit…

Running a hand down his face, Hongjoong sighed again and headed for the door to join the others downstairs. There was no hiding from reality.

Chapter Text

“I think Hongjoong is getting affected by our bond,” Seonghwa blurted out the moment all humans had left to get ready for bed.

“What do you mean?” Yunho asked.

“This morning, when he got all cute and emotional and was apologizing to everyone,” Seonghwa continued, gathering the takeout boxes on the coffee table to give himself something to do. “He later told me he felt a bit weird after waking up, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of what happened while we were with his true self.”

“Huh…”

Getting up from the couch to help, Yeosang caught Seonghwa’s gaze as he bent down. “How’s that possible? Our waking and sleeping consciousness have always been solidly separated.”

“But we’ve also never been aware of the other plane. Everything’s different this time.” Concern, which had already been festering within Seonghwa over the last few hours, now grew steadily as he began to second guess his entire handling of this situation. He should’ve tried harder to talk Hongjoong into growing his mind instead of just letting him go on how he normally would and assimilating himself. “Blending both planes is only allowed under certain conditions for a reason. His mind wasn’t primed for all this and, on top of that, we’ve now already taken generous steps into forbidden territory when we were answering all their questions. We need to be far more careful from now on, otherwise we could end up harming them unintentionally.”

As Seonghwa straightened up, all trash now stacked on his arm, he caught Wooyoung’s worried expression. “Are you saying we might accidentally fracture their minds?”

“I don’t know,” Seonghwa replied honestly, “but it’s a risk we shouldn’t be willing to take.”

With a few slow nods, Wooyoung’s gaze dropped, shoulders curving. He looked defeated and Seonghwa’s heart ached with the realization but all of them needed to be aware of the potential consequences of their actions if they wanted to keep their humans safe.

“Let’s start working on their spiritual growth then!” Yeosang suggested.

The following day, they called all the humans over to the living room after breakfast, asking them to sit on the couch. They’d taken some time to discuss everything throughout the night and figured this was the best way to handle things from here on out while they still had a few days left at the cabin.

“You may wonder what this is all about,” Seonghwa began as he stood in line beside his fellow angels between the coffee table and TV while looking down at the four humans sitting in a row on the couch. “And I’m here to tell you, it’s time for your spiritual enlightenment.”

“Excuse me?” Hongjoong cut in as he raised his hand. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“I’m glad you asked,” Yunho continued. “In order to grow spiritually, you need to connect with the essence of life and realize the importance of what it means to exist. It’s about looking beyond what humans have placed arbitrary value on, things like consumerism and social media, and learning to appreciate the beauty of nature, the universe, and what it means to be a human being.”

“So you’re basically trying to give us an existential crisis while we’re on vacation,” Jongho replied, making Wooyoung chuckle.

“Not really but I think you’re heading in the right direction,” Yunho allowed.

Sweeping his gaze across them, Mingi began to frown. “Aren’t you interfering too much, if you give us a crash course on all this?” 

“That’s why we’ll give you the reins,” Seonghwa said. “We’ve been getting concerned about the state of your minds in the face of everything you’ve learned. Normally, a human’s mind is primed over the course of years before they get to hear, nevermind see us, so since you’ve skipped all that work, it’d be best to catch up now and do it retroactively, just to give all of us some peace of mind.”

“So what do we gotta do?” Hongjoong prompted. “Meditate? Abandon all technology? Go live in a cave somewhere?”

“That’s for you to decide,” Yeosang replied, sounding excited. 

“Huh?”

“Everyone needs to find their own path to enlightenment,” Seonghwa clarified. “It’s an individual journey for everyone.”

“Great.” Hongjoong sighed, looking defeated as he sank back against the cushions. “Just be honest and say you’re doing this for your entertainment.”

“If that’d be the goal, I would’ve told you to go live with the squirrels,” Wooyoung joked.

“Alright,” Seonghwa interjected, “please everyone, just go ahead and brainstorm your ideas by yourselves and we’ll intervene if or when we think it’s needed, okay?”

“So this is what you’ve come up with,” Seonghwa said as he followed Hongjoong down the empty hobby aisle of a nearby store.

About an hour had passed since the humans had split up to start their journeys and, while the others had all stayed back at the cabin, Hongjoong had snatched up the car keys and headed out with no more than a short goodbye.

Tossing a package of acrylic paints into his shopping cart, Hongjoong proceeded without sparing Seonghwa a glance. “They say the best way to appreciate nature is to try and capture it.” 

“You haven’t painted in a really long time,” Seonghwa noted, hiding his excitement as he recalled the many hours Hongjoong used to spend doodling, sketching, and drawing when he was still in school. Back then, Seonghwa had loved watching him create. He’d even taken some fashion design classes at college before his love for music had consumed him whole.

There was only a small hum of acknowledgement as Hongjoong contemplated which canvas to and ultimately ended up picking both.

“By the way,” Seonghwa continued, “how’re you feeling today?”

After briefly making eye contact over his shoulder, Hongjoong looked back ahead and waited for another shopper to pass before answering. “Pretty normal. I’m not sure what was going on yesterday but I think it might’ve really just been my guilty conscience.”

“Good. That’s good.”

“You were worried,” Hongjoong realized. Abandoning his cart to fully face Seonghwa, he stepped closer, a crease in his brow as he searched Seonghwa’s face. “Why? Are you keeping something from me? What do you think happened?”

Their sudden proximity had Seonghwa’s breath hitching. “I… I can’t tell you.”

“Figures,” Hongjoong muttered, visibly frustrated as he turned away and continued on his hunt for paint brushes.

Little more than an hour later, they ended up back on the edge of the lake by the cabin, though this time, it was near the start of the wooded area. Golden sunlight fell through the trees and birds were singing as Hongjoong set up his newly purchased easel and got out a pencil he’d found in a kitchen drawer at the cabin. As he put it to the canvas, his gaze drifted off into the distance to take in their view before he drew his first line.

“I’ve been thinking about what Yunho said earlier,” Hongjoong started after about a minute of silently working on his sketch, “and I think that, first of all, he sounded like he was quoting a self help book, but also-” his focus shifted back to their view “-while he’s got a point, it’s pretty unfair to basically try and force us to disregard our values and get new ones. We can’t just change our personalities and the things we like.”

As Hongjoong began a rough sketch of the tree in front of them, Seonghwa behind him shook his head. “And that’s not what we’re asking of you. This process, it’s about broadening your view of the world. So far, you’ve been thinking very individualistically about your place in the here and now but, to become enlightened, you need to understand your place in the universe and its history.”

“Whatever that means.”

“It’s not going so great, is it?” Hongjoong prompted as he appeared beside Seonghwa and took a seat on the front door steps beside him, the cool night breeze ruffling both their hair.

Nodding, Seonghwa’s shoulders heaved with a sigh. “I’d like to offer more guidance but that would only cause more trouble.”

“I really think you’re worrying too much about all this,” Hongjoong said, his tone lighthearted. “So far, nothing’s happened! Yeah, maybe my human self felt something because we all reunited but so what? No one got struck by lightning or dragged away by an archangel so what does it matter?”

“You’re being careless!” Seonghwa pushed as he caught Hongjoong’s eyes and watched them widen at his outburst. “There has to be a reason why only enlightened minds are meant to perceive us, Joong-ah! This is serious! What if your mind breaks? I couldn’t live with myself if I had to watch you spiral and become a shell of yourself!”

For a moment, Hongjoong observed him in silence before he nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”

Taking a deep breath, Seonghwa looked back out at the driveway and the fields, forest, and mountains beyond. “I’m sorry for being harsh, but… I’m really worried. If something happens to you, it’ll be my fault. I should’ve never let it get this far. I should’ve reported to Eden the moment you saw me, but the idea didn’t even cross my mind because there’s just never been a situation we couldn’t handle by ourselves and interference from higher ups usually means death or soul exchanges and I definitely want no part in that-”

“You’re the one spiraling right now,” Hongjoong interjected gently and, despite his low volume, Seonghwa could hear him like he was yelling, so very aware of him.

“Sorry.”

Capturing Seonghwa’s hands between his own, Hongjoong ran his thumbs across his knuckles and silently watched the motion, his features soft and relaxed, reflecting his words as he spoke. “It’ll be okay, you’ll see. I’ve never been wrong about something like this so, please, just trust me this time too, okay?”

Letting the words sink into his mind and calm his racing thoughts, Seonghwa nodded. “Alright.”

“Now let’s go inside. I heard the others say they’ve just been watching Studio Ghibli movies all day, thinking it’s gonna lead them to enlightenment.”

The holidays came and went, and weeks passed as they all returned to work, leaving them to only hang out and find a few hours for themselves here and there during what little free time their schedules still allowed them to have. There wasn’t a day which went by anymore where Seonghwa wasn’t on edge, even when he tried hard not to show it.

Thanks to his check-ins with the others, Seonghwa knew Mingi was closest to achieving his goal since he’d already been the most advanced to begin with. After all, he’d already been perceiving Yunho’s signs months ago. But for the others, things looked a little more bleak.

“Jongho asked me if I’ve ever accidentally come in while he was in the bathroom,” Yeosang said. “I told him we have a code of honor about giving humans privacy, but I’m scared he’s gonna realize I was there for all the most embarrassing moments in his life. What if he stops being able to look me in the eye?”

“Then I’m sure Wooyoung would talk some sense into him,” Seonghwa replied right before he got a bad feeling in his gut. “I’ve gotta go, bye!” 

Reappearing in Hongjoong’s studio, he found him sitting hunched over in his chair, face buried in his hands as his fingers dug into his temples while the track he was working on was paused on screen. 

“What’s wrong?” Seonghwa rushed out as he dropped to his knees in front of Hongjoong’s chair.

“Headache,” came the mumbled response.

Hands fluttering around Hongjoong’s shoulders, Seonghwa quickly got back on his feet and gently tugged Hongjoong to standing and guided him over to the couch to sit down before he hurried to close the blinds and waved his hand toward the monitor to switch it off. Electronics were so very easily manipulated.

“Come on, lay back,” he said softly as he placed a hand on the back of Hongjoong’s neck to help support him as he slid down into the cushions until he was flat on his back, eyes closed and fingers still pressed to his temples, massaging firmly. “Headache or proper migraine?” 

“Headache. For now.”

Breathing a little easier, Seonghwa nodded. “I’ll get you some water. You never drink enough.”

Half an hour later, they were both sitting on the couch, Seonghwa’s hand in Hongjoong’s hair as he tried to help ease away any lingering discomfort and help him relax. It was an instinctual thing, something he’d done across all their lives so he hoped it’d help in this life too and, so far, it seemed to be doing the trick, given that Hongjoong had yet to get up and return to his desk like he normally would.

“I’ve been thinking about buying a new camera,” Hongjoong reported, voice low in the steadily darkening room as the sun began to set.

“Yeah?” Seonghwa replied, matching his volume, the motion of his fingers never faltering.

“Since I picked up painting again during the holidays, I’ve been thinking about other hobbies I dropped along the way and I used to love photography, right?”

Smiling at the many memories of Hongjoong snapping pictures during his road trip with his older brother between high school and college, Seonghwa couldn’t help but feel hopeful they were truly heading down the right path again. “You’ve certainly got a talent for it. I think it’s a great idea, Joong-ah.”

So, after leaving the studio for the night, because Seonghwa had made that a daily requirement after their return from the cabin, they returned to the apartment where Hongjoong got changed into his pajamas and curled up against the pillows on his bed. While he began his research into different camera models, Seonghwa sat back against the footboard and observed him silently.

There was something different about Hongjoong lately. And not just his human self but also his true self. It wasn’t noticeable all the time, but every now and again, there’d be a moment where the air between them would feel charged, tense, like he was thinking about doing something but holding himself back. Seonghwa wasn’t sure what to make of it, if it was even happening or if he was overreacting or overanalyzing, he was known to do that after all, but he’d been keeping a closer eye on Hongjoong to see if there were any other hints he’d been missing.

Two hours went by during which Seonghwa was stuck in his thoughts while the neighbors got into a fight, broke up and calmed back down, much to Hongjoong’s chagrin and Seonghwa’s steadily growing concern regarding their wellbeing. 

“Order placed!” Hongjoong announced finally, shooting Seonghwa a smile.

“Lovely! You’re going to sleep now?”

“No, I’m not tired yet. Let’s watch something together first.” Scooting over a little, Hongjoong patted the mattress next to him. “Come on up!”

Since the apartment lacked a sofa, the request wasn’t out of the ordinary, so Seonghwa easily teleported over and leaned back into the pillows, their shoulders pressed together due to the bed’s narrowness. It’d be a lie to say his heart wasn’t beating a little faster at their newfound proximity.

“I found a lotta documentaries and video essays on nature, history, space, and all of that,” Hongjoong began as he navigated between all the open tabs in his browser. “Watching those should count as recognizing my place in the universe and stuff, right?”

“So… you’ll also try to stream your way to enlightenment?” Seonghwa joked.

“Well, Yunho said Mingi was furthest along so he’s gotta be doing something right,” Hongjoong grumbled.

“You don’t like that he’s doing better than you, huh?”

“Shut up.”

Snickering, Seonghwa watched as Hongjoong pressed play and sank deeper into the pillows and, by association, Seonghwa’s side, which was where he remained until he fell asleep.

“Am I gonna have to watch us cuddling now while I’m trying to hold a conversation with you?” Hongjoong asked as he appeared beside the bed and frowned down at Seonghwa’s position.

“If I move, you’ll wake up, so yes.”

“How very weird and uncomfortable,” Hongjoong noted as he took a seat at Seonghwa’s feet. “So… how’s it going? Do I seem enlightened yet?”

“You’re making progress. I think? It’s hard to tell. I appreciate how hard you’ve been trying at the least.”

“Nice. I love to hear it.”

“Oh-” Seonghwa pointed at Hongjoong as he remembered something, careful not to jostle the shoulder currently serving as a pillow “-when I visited Wooyoung earlier, I caught San watching him with this look in his eyes, you know the one, I’m pretty sure he’s already down bad for him.”

“Ah, let’s see if they’ll beat Mingi and Yunho.”

“No way, they’re way ahead. One of them would already be proposing if it were legal here, I’m pretty sure.”

Chuckling, Hongjoong shook his head as he pulled his legs up onto the mattress and crossed them in front of him. “It’s so nice to see them so much happier again.”

Seonghwa could only nod in agreement. 

“Is it bad to say how much I’m already looking forward to our next life?”

Warmth filled Seonghwa’s chest as he smiled at the words. “No, it’s not.”

“I’m still excited to spend the rest of this life as it is too, though, don’t get me wrong.”

Snickering, Seonghwa placated Hongjoong. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

“I honestly don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?”

“Keep everything together like this. You check in on everyone, take care of me, think ahead, and yet I’ve only seen you spiral once since this whole thing started.”

“Oh, don’t be mistaken, I spiral internally all the time.”

Picking up on Seonghwa’s tone, Hongjoong laughed and lightly smacked his ankle. “Not funny.”

“And yet you were laughing.”

“Just because you’re cute.”

Eyes widening, Seonghwa could feel his cheeks heat up as Hongjoong froze, staring straight at him. What was the right way to reply to that? He’d platonically called everyone in their bond cute before but this felt different, much like many things had been feeling different recently. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Hongjoong said after a prolonged beat of silence, “you’re making it weird.”

“Sorry.” Averting his gaze, Seonghwa tried to ignore the way his heart was beating a little faster.

“Why’re you apologizing?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

Laughing, Hongjoong patted his ankle. “You’re so easy to read sometimes, Seonghwa.”

Looking back at Hongjoong, Seonghwa narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You love it when I compliment you,” Hongjoong claimed.

“So what?” Seonghwa argued, feeling like he was getting backed into a corner. “Who doesn’t like getting complimented?”

“No, you’re not like this when it's coming from the others.” Tilting his head, Hongjoong seemed to be looking into him, as if he could read his thoughts. “We’ve known each other for a long time, right?”

Caught off guard by the sudden change of topic, Seonghwa nodded. “Obviously. Where are you going with this?”

“We’ve had lives where we’ve been different with each other like this too.”

Seonghwa’s heart rate picked up at the words. What was happening? Why was Honjoong bringing this up now? “I… I don’t know… What’re you- What’s this about, Joong-ah?”

“When he brought up our history at the cabin and asked if we were a couple too, you reacted differently than I would’ve expected. I thought the suggestion would make you uncomfortable, maybe even disgusted, because we’ve never dated or anything and maybe you could only see us platonically, but you were just- you blushed.”

Embarrassment and fear flooded Seonghwa as he jerked his gaze away in a blind panic and weighed his options. If he jumped up right now, Hongjoong should wake up and, if he kept him awake, he’d be able to escape or at least delay this whole conversation-

“It got me thinking,” Hongjoong went on.

“About what?” Seonghwa blurted out. “That you’re nosey?” 

Chuckling, Hongjoong momentarily broke his calm exterior and continued in a softer voice. “Maybe I’ve been overthinking things too much.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seonghwa replied honestly as his heart was pounding in his chest, hope and terror rushing through him in equal amounts.

“Can you look at me?”

Slowly lifting his gaze to Hongjoong’s face, he found messy overgrown bangs falling into wide dark eyes and a nervous smile which instantly caused worry to mix into everything else he was already feeling. He hadn’t seen Hongjoong nervous to have a conversation with him since the end of their last life when he’d told Seonghwa he was afraid he was going to die soon.

“You look like you’re about to have a panic attack,” Hongjoong noted, concern marring his features.

“Please just tell me whatever it is you want to say.”

“Oh…” After closing his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, Hongjoong met his gaze again. “I love you. Romantically. Have for a really long time.”

Seonghwa’s brain screeched to a halt as he stared at Hongjoong who was looking back at him with visibly growing nervousness, hands fidgeting in his lap. Had he just heard right? Was he hallucinating? Was this a prank? No, Hongjoong would never be that cruel. So what-

“If you don’t say something right now, I’m gonna lose my mind, so please…”

“I love you too,” Seonghwa burst out as adrenaline rushed through, hoping this was the right call to make. 

“Romantically?”

“Romantically.”

Visibly deflating as his eyes fell shut, Hongjoong hunched his shoulders and chuckled as he shook his head. “Damn… why’d you have to make me wait like this?”

“I… what… Joongie.” Shaking his head repeatedly, Seonghwa attempted to sort out his thoughts. “Do you- I mean, what does this mean for us?”

Looking back up at him, Hongjoong shrugged. “Whatever we want it to mean.”

Blinking repeatedly, Seonghwa tried to make sense of this new reality he’d found himself in. “How long?”

“What do you mean?”

“How long have you liked me like this?”

“I don’t know… a long time? You?”

“Me too.”

Shaking his head as he leaned back on his hands, Hongjoong took a visibly deep breath. “The others are gonna have a field day with this.”

“Let’s not even think about that right now,” Seonghwa rushed out, making Hongjoong laugh.

Chapter Text

3 Months Later

“Eventually, we’ll have to tell the others,” Hongjoong pointed out as he wrapped his arms around Seonghwa’s shoulders who sat two steps below him on the stairs leading up to the bedrooms in their new house. 

Him and Jongho had bought the place together, not just because Hongjoong needed to get away from his neighbors, but also because he intended to keep his promise of being there for Jongho, keeping the loneliness away. 

Of course, the moment they’d announced their intention, San and Mingi had jumped on board and somehow managed to move in right next door, immediately exchanging copies of each others’ keys, and now everyone was just bursting through each other’s front door whenever they pleased. But it was the middle of the night now, Jongho had gone to sleep just a few minutes ago, and the other four usually didn’t come over at night so this marked the only time where Hongjoong and Seonghwa could be alone.

“But before we tell them, you need to tell your protege,” Hongjoong went on, pulling Seonghwa closer against him, feeling him relax into his arms, until he could rest his chin on his head. “It’s weird to be pining over my own partner the majority of the day, you know?”

“I’ve been trying but you haven’t exactly been making it easy.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I mean,” Seonghwa argued. 

“Just tell him!”

“I’ve been trying!”

Hongjoong was pretty sure he really was crushing on, maybe even fully in love with, Seonghwa, his guardian angel , at this point which was disastrous to say the least. It felt downright illegal when he knew his true self was - apparently - not interested in him that way which was wild and unrelatable, but probably spoke volumes about how misplaced his feelings were since nothing could ever become of them. After all, if they were meant to be, it would’ve happened by now, right? Still, he couldn’t just ignore what he was feeling when they were stuck together 24/7. 

He needed advice. 

Waiting in the bathroom at work, peeking through the small gap in the ajar door, he waited for San to pass before he jumped out, grabbed his wrist and yanked him inside, ignoring his yelp of fear. After quickly turning the lock, he turned to look at San. “This should give us some privacy.”

“What’re you doing?” 

“I just told you,” Hongjoong argued. “Giving us some privacy. They never come into bathrooms.”

“But why?”

“‘Cause it’d be weird?”

“No, why’d you drag me in here?”

“Oh! I need your help.”

Curiosity visibly piqued, San cocked his head. “With what?”

“You’re dating Wooyoung, right?”

“I, uh, yeah?” Frowning, San averted his gaze as if this were the first time he’d actually thought about this. “I guess? Somewhat? Maybe? I…” His face scrunched up even more. “I don’t really know, actually.”

“Just confess, please, I’m begging you!” 

At the sudden appearance of a new voice, Hongjoong nearly ended up jumping out of his skin. “What the- Wooyoung?”

“Sorry, couldn’t help but overhear.”

“Yes, you could! The door was locked!”

“Couldn’t help but eavesdrop then.”

Rolling his eyes, Hongjoong shook his head and left to go find Mingi, momentarily choosing to ignore San and Wooyoung’s relationship drama for his own sake. They’d probably figure it out by themselves anyway. 

Luckily, tracking down Mingi was an easy feat since he was pretty much always hanging around the dance practice room, though this time, he was with San’s backup dancers so the timing wasn’t ideal. But maybe… maybe it was a sign. Maybe it meant he just wasn’t supposed to talk about this with anyone and simply forget about it.

As he was still peeking through the window in the door, a soothing voice suddenly appeared right behind him. “Why’re you looking for Mingi?”

Startled, Hongjoong whirled around, coming face to face with Seonghwa who must’ve just leaned in to catch a glimpse of the dancers as well because he was extremely close, their faces a mere few centimeters apart. “I wanted to talk to him about something,” he blurted out.

“About what?” Seonghwa asked, not stepping away as he made eye contact with Hongjoong who, by now, had flattened himself against the door to keep at least some distance.

“Nothing important,” Hongjoong rushed out, side-stepping in tiny increments until he could finally squeeze past Seonghwa and set off in a sprint toward his studio, nearly bouncing off the walls as he cut corners. Though, of course, there was no shaking off someone who could teleport.

“You’re going back to the studio, right?” Seonghwa prompted as he appeared beside him within seconds, easily keeping pace. 

“Yes.”

“Can we talk there for a moment?”

“Nope, can’t. Busy. Very busy. I’ve got a ton of work to do and I just wasted more time.”  It wasn’t a lie, Hongjoong figured, but to himself, he could admit it was very much an excuse. He wasn’t ready yet to have the kind of conversation he knew Seonghwa was aiming for: stuff about setting boundaries because he wasn’t dating Hongjoong’s true form or whatever. It’d be humiliating to say the least.

“Jong-ah! Yeosang!” Hongjoong called out cheerfully as he nearly kicked down the door to his brand new house several hours later in an effort to escape his (increasingly frustrated) angel’s ongoing conversation attempts.

“Over here!” Jongho replied, voice drifting over from the direction of the living room. “Food’s arrived half an hour ago so hurry up!”

Toeing off his shoes in quick succession by stepping on the heels, Hongjoong nearly tripped over himself in his haste to dodge Seonghwa’s glare and get back into a room with his favorite conversation buffer.

“Everything alright, Seonghwa?” Yeosang asked the moment they entered the room and went to join them on the couch.

“Of course,” came Seonghwa’s immediately soft reply, his entire demeanor visibly changing in the presence of the purity that was Yeosang, which yes, made Hongjoong feel a little guilty, but not guilty enough to talk to him in private.

“How’d enlightenment go today?” Hongjoong asked as he picked up a bowl and chopsticks from the coffee table.

“He’s been making a lotta progress!” Yeosang replied, his words laced with pride and happiness.

“Yeah?” Smiling, Hongjoong glanced at Jongho who nodded with a small satisfied grin.

“I’ve been getting more epiphanies recently,” he reported. “It’s kinda hard to explain, but… you know how there are things you objectively know to be true, but you don’t feel them so it doesn’t influence how you live your life?”

“Nope,” Hongjoong replied honestly right before he shoveled some rice into his mouth.

“Okay, so for example, you know people in the past were also just people no different from us, right? I mean, in our case, we even know they were us. Just because we don’t have high definition photos or videos of them, doesn’t mean they weren’t just as smart and competent as we are now. Maybe even more so since they spent a lot more time trying to gain knowledge when we, today, prefer mindless entertainment over studying since books and records are much more accessible now and have become less valued. When that clicked for me, it really made me think differently about our ancestors and more in touch with the past.”

“That’s… nice,” Hongjoong commented behind his hand as he chewed.

“Or how massive the universe is and how much we don’t know about it. There’s so much out there we don’t understand yet, so much we still discover every single day, so much that happened before we ever existed. Or how most suffering on earth comes from human-made social constructs, like money, class, even the classification of what we deem to be good and bad, legal and illegal. We just made all of it up and now we talk about it as if it were factual when, really, we could just up and change the meaning of everything if we really wanted to. I’ve objectively known all that for a long time but it’s never really sunk in until now, you know what I mean?”

Swallowing his bite, Hongjoong shook his head. “No, dude, I really don’t.”

“But he’s been making progress too, I swear!” Seonghwa jumped in.

“Sure,” Yeosang replied easily and he actually sounded like he meant it which made Hongjoong feel a little better.

Philosophy class aside, they started chatting about everything and nothing and, once they were done eating, switched to watching a drama they’d been blasting through outside of work until Hongjoong eventually fell asleep on the couch, head on the armrest, having successfully completed yet another day without having a proper one-on-one conversation with Seonghwa. 

While his body was sleeping inside, Hongjoong’s soul joined Seonghwa out on the balcony attached to his bedroom where he plopped onto the cushioned bench with a heavy sigh and pillowed his head on Seonghwa’s shoulder, feeling peace and comfort settle into him and replace the stress he’d been drowned by the second he’d appeared. “Remember that life where I was a shadow puppeteer?” he prompted after a moment of silence where he’d just been watching the moon rise.

“Of course,” Seonghwa said softly just before a kiss was pressed to the crown of Hongjoong’s head, making him smile.

“I was crushing on you so hard back then,” he recalled, chuckling at the memory. “Since you came to all my shows, I always thought one day you’d stick around after, just so we could chat, but you were always gone by the time the crowd dissolved.”

“I had a lot on my plate between running errands and nursing San back to health,” Seonghwa said gently. “But to be fair, once we got to know each other, I’m pretty sure I fell harder for you than you did for me.”

“How would you know?” Hongjoong asked. “I’m the one who approached you first.”

“Joong-ah, be serious, you befriended Yunho. In what world does that constitute approaching me first?”

“You brought him to one of my shows, so I knew you were friends and figured I could get at you through him.”

“Wait…” Seonghwa gently pushed Hongjoong back to look at him. “You never told me that!”

Cheeks a little heated, Hongjoong shrugged as he met Seonghwa’s wide dark eyes. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Anything else you haven’t been telling me that I should know about?” Seonghwa prodded, receiving another shrug as Hongjoong averted his gaze, only to immediately feel a soft hand cupping his cheek, nudging him to look right back. “You’re adorable, Joong-ah,” Seonghwa muttered as his thumb caressed soft skin and his eyes traced across Hongjoong’s features who was left to sit with a pounding heart as Seonghwa leaned in for a brief kiss, their eyes closing and remaining so, even after their lips parted and their foreheads leaned together.

“I’m sure I’d be just as adorable as a human if you’d finally confess to me,” Hongjoong said softly. 

“I would if you’d let me.”

“Sounds like an excuse to me.”

“You know you’re being difficult, don’t argue with me.”

“Hmm…” Hongjoong darted forward for another kiss, simply because he could, before he leaned back just enough for their noses to still be touching. “No, I think you’re the problem.”

“I can’t believe I’m dating you,” Seonghwa muttered, though he sounded more fond than agitated.

Chuckling delightedly, Hongjoong pecked the corner of his mouth. “Then it’s time to get used to it. You’re stuck with me now.”

Five more days passed, and somehow, Hongjoong was still managing to avoid being alone with Seonghwa, though at this point, he’d really exhausted all his options, including visiting his parents and older brother on the weekend to give his friends some time alone with their angels.

“-most frustrating person I’ve ever met, Joong-ah! Seriously, at this point I wish you were still being affected by your higher self!” 

A part of Seonghwa’s rant reached Hongjoong’s ears as his desk chair’s armrest got caught on his headphone wire while he was working on a track, momentarily disrupting the noise canceling properties. Subtly reaching up to adjust the plug by the right earpad, he went right back to work as if he’d never heard a thing.

“You owe me for swapping cars with you when we went to the cabin,” San argued.

“Your collab with Jongho just reached number one on the Billboard charts,” Hongjoong shot back, “shouldn’t  that be enough to make us even?”

“Work and private matters are to be kept separate,” San replied as if he were citing something.

“Where’d you get that from?”

“My roommate agreement with Mingi and our angels because we kept working on choreography during board game night.”

“Ah,” Hongjoong said, “board game night.”

“Yeah, you’ve yet to show up for that one,” San replied pointedly.

“Ha, funny that. Anyways, I’ll be there for your stupid dance challenge shooting, alright?”

Smiling wide enough to show his dimples, San lunged forward to wrap Hongjoong up in a tight embrace before he stepped back and rushed off with one last “Thank you! Love you!”.

“Now that we’re alone again and you’re not wearing your headphones,” Seonghwa began the second the door fell shut, only for Hongjoong to whirl around and run back to his chair. “Not this time!” Seonghwa snapped as he teleported himself right between Hongjoong and the chair, successfully grabbing him by the shoulders and marking it the first time he physically stopped Hongjoong from getting away. He had to be growing desperate.

“I don’t have time right now!” Hongjoong said quickly and, once again, it wasn’t really a lie so he allowed himself to shake off Seonghwa’s hold and try to get around him.

“You can’t avoid me forever!” Seonghwa shot back, continuously side stepping back and forth to remain a barrier between him and his desk.

“I’m not trying to avoid you!”

“You obviously are, do you think I’m stupid?”

“Only sometimes.”

“Hey!”

Chuckling, even as he was getting nervous at their proximity, Hongjoong tried to turn around and leave the room entirely, but was instead snatched back by his wrist and captured in the intensity of Seonghwa’s gaze, whose stunning features were marred with a frustrated frown and tired eyes, which told Hongjoong he was probably prepared to beg at this point.

“Just stop, Hongjoong!” 

“But I don’t wanna hear it, Seonghwa!” Hongjoong burst out.

“What?”

“I don’t wanna talk to you, so why do you keep trying to force me?”

Hurt was so clearly visible on Seonghwa’s face as he shook his head. “You don’t even know what I want to say.”

“I do!” Hongjoong shot back, on the brink of panic as he snatched back his wrist and stepped back. “And I don’t wanna hear it so just drop it and let me get back to work!”

“I know you’ve got no idea what I’m actually trying to tell you so how about you stop making assumptions?”

“Seonghwa-”

“We’re dating!” Seongwha snapped.

Thoughts frozen, Hongjoong blinked repeatedly. “Huh?”

“We’re dating,” Seonghwa repeated.

“Now we’re not.” The words slipped out, sounding about as dumb as Hongjoong felt while adrenaline began flooding his system.

“Not- Not us, us. The other us.”

“But you said-”

“It’s a recent development,” Seonghwa cut in. “I’ve been trying to tell you for ages but you-”

“Wait, that’s what-”

“Yeah!”

“Oh.”

“Yes, ‘oh’, you absolute idiot.” Running a hand down his face, Seonghwa sighed. “I wanted to tell you in a much nicer way but you ruined it over and over and over-”

“Sorry,” was all Hongjoong could get out as he stared at Seonghwa’s lovely sweater unseeingly and tried to wrap his head around the concept. “What- what now?”

Sighing, Seonghwa nudged his finger against Hongjoong’s chin to make them look at each other and smiled, though it looked a little exhausted. “Now it’s your turn to decide what you want to do.”

“I… I don’t know.”

Nodding as his smile softened, Seonghwa stepped away, putting some distance between them. “Then give yourself the time to figure it out, alright?”

“Okay…”

That night, when he was laying in bed, watching another video meant to help him reshape his worldview, Hongjoong’s thoughts were across the room with Seonghwa who was peacefully reading a book curled up in the window seat. 

Knowing his angel was dating his higher self was a weirdly uncomfortable thought. Where it should’ve made Seonghwa feel more accessible, it really only made him feel further out of reach since he was now basically confirmed to be taken, even if it was by Hongjoong himself, after all, his waking and sleeping consciousness weren’t the same person, were they? They had different memories, likely also different personalities, and certainly different relationships with Seonghwa, so wouldn’t dating him now mean cheating on his true self? Would dating both of them mean they’d be in a polyamorous relationship? Was this going too far? 

Maybe he should talk to the others about this. They were all dating their guardian angels after all. At least somewhat.

“Mingi, I’m losing it,” Hongjoong said as he paced back and forth in the bathroom, bathtub to sink, sink to bathtub, back again.

“I can see that.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?”

“Sounds to me like you just need to kiss Seonghwa to seal the deal.”

“But he’s already dating that other guy!”

“That other guy is you!”

Stopping mid-step, Hongjoong turned to glare at Mingi. “If it were me, I’d remember confessing to him or him confessing to me or whatever the fuck it was that happened.”

“And that’s why I’m more enlightened than you.”

“Fuck you.”

“Now, what happened to being nicer to me.”

Rolling his eyes, Hongjoong crossed his arms and averted his gaze. “Sorry. I love you. You’re a great friend. Thank you for helping me. But seriously, I can’t just go date him when I know he’s doing stuff with my higher self that I’m not privy to.”

“Maybe you should talk to him about how you’re feeling then instead of going outta your way to avoid him.”

“I can’t! I get nervous when I know he’s in the room and when I feel him look at me, I panic…”

“Damn, you’re down bad.”

“It’s just because I’ve been trying to avoid him for so long… I think.”

Mingi reached over to pat his shoulder in sympathy. “Good luck, buddy. I’ve got a date with Yunho now.”

“Screw you and your happy relationship,” Hongjoong mumbled.

“What was that?”

“Have fun!”

“Why’re you still avoiding me?” Seonghwa asked as he teleported into Hongjoong’s home studio, appearing right next to his chair in a soft white sweater and dark pants, his wavy hair a little messy as it fell into his round dark eyes and wow, Hongjoong really needed to stop staring now.

Tearing his gaze away, Hongjoong focused back on the screen. “I wasn’t avoiding you, I’m just busy.”

“That excuse stopped working long ago,” Seonghwa replied, audibly frustrated again.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want you to stop treating me like I’m a nuisance.”

The words hurt, making Hongjoong take his hands off the mouse and keyboard as he slowly looked up at Seonghwa who was watching him with a small crease in his brow, outright broadcasting his feelings for Hongjoong to see: he was hurt and desperate to fix things and Hongjoong had been making that impossible for him for weeks, if not months now.

“I’m sorry,” Hongjoong said gently. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”

“I know this isn’t easy for you and I’m really sorry if it makes you uncomfortable that I’m dating your true self, but I wish you’d tell me and be honest about what you’re thinking and feeling instead of just leaving me to guess.”

“I thought you could feel what I’m feeling.”

“But I’m not a mind reader!”

“You could just ask him, he knows everything, right?”

“Joong-ah…” Seonghwa began, his voice trailing off as his features smoothed out in realization, “are you jealous of yourself?”

Getting to his feet so Seonghwa would no longer be looking down at him, Hongjoong stepped into the empty space between his chair and the couch and crossed his arms as he hastily tried to sort out his thoughts before he looked back over at Seonghwa whose gaze was following his every move. He’d have to be honest now, right?  “It doesn’t feel like it’s myself when I’m not the one with the memories.”

“I’m sorry this is confusing for you,” Seonghwa began, then paused. “Do you… Do you want us to break up?” he raised the question haltingly, as if he were reluctant to say the words but felt them necessary.

Looking down, Hongjoong mulled it over, thought about what it would feel like to long for someone you’ve known for centuries, and then finally have them, only to be forced apart again. And by your own human self no less. It’d feel cruel, stupid, unfair. “No… no, I don’t.”

“Then what do you want?” Seonghwa asked gently.

“I don’t even know…”

“Do you… like me?”

Face heating, Hongjoong felt a swoop in his gut and sighed at his own body’s reaction. “You know I do,” he muttered, knowing he’d no doubt told Seonghwa long ago if they were dating now. And wasn’t that a humiliating thought?

“Do you want to… do something about it?”

Cheeks on fire, Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa in offense. “You can’t just ask me this kinda stuff!”

“What?”

“You already know the answers anyway, so why make me say it?”

“I-”

“Do you enjoy seeing me embarrassed?”

“No, I-”

Throwing his hands up, Hongjoong groaned in frustration. “Why can’t anything in life ever be easy?” he complained. “Why couldn’t I just fall for some random person, why’d it have to be a damn angel?”

“Wow, okay,” Seonghwa muttered.

“You don’t get to be offended right now when I’m trying to get some nervous energy out, alright?”

Holding up his hands in surrender, Seonghwa slightly inclined his head but kept his eyes on Hongjoong who shook out his sweaty palms as he tried to find his way back to himself and a world which made sense.

“I like you, okay?” Hongjoong began, simply going for voicing his thoughts and being completely transparent like Seonghwa had been asking for. “I think you’re gorgeous and kind and I love spending time with you, but you’re not human and I could never introduce you to my family and to you, I’m like an amnesiac version of the man you’ve spent your life with and are currently dating, which makes me feel small and unimportant, whether you intend it or not, so… I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand why it’s easy for everyone else. Is it because I’m less enlightened or whatever? Do I overthink too much? Do they not think about it enough? Who’s the problem here?”

“No one is,” Seonghwa said simply.

Looking into his eyes, Hongjoong could feel the frustration in him grow closer to despair. He wanted to reach out and touch him, kiss him, knew Seonghwa would let him, that he probably even wanted it, but it felt unfair to do while he was still drowning in his own inner turmoil. “I need more time.”

“That’s okay. Take all the time you need. Just please, don’t avoid me again, okay?”

“Okay.”

1 Month Later

“I think I just interrupted Jongho and Yeosang kissing in the kitchen,” Hongjoong reported as he returned to his studio where Seonghwa was sitting at the desk, only one ear covered by the headphones as he listened to the song Hongjoong and San were currently working on.

“Seriously?” Seonghwa asked, looking delighted as a bright smile spread across his face.

“Seriously,” Hongjoong echoed, walking closer to put his water on the desk before he leaned against the side of the chair Seonghwa was sitting in. “I guess they’re also dating in this version now?”

“Maybe.” 

Frowning, Hongjoong leaned over to pause the track. “What do you mean ‘maybe’? They just kissed so that’s gotta mean they’re dating. Jongho’s big on commitment, even if he gets a bit too much joy from trying to undress all seven of us. And seriously, what’s with that?” 

Taking the headphones off, Seonghwa carefully placed them back on the desk and chose to ignore his last question. “I just meant people can have ambiguous relationships. And those two have been living that way several lives before.”

“I think I’d lose my mind if I couldn’t have clarity.”

“Then… have you lost your mind yet?” Seonghwa asked pointedly.

Looking down at dark eyes under fluffy hair, Hongjoong couldn’t resist poking Seonghwa’s cheek before he shook his head. “This is different.” He gently nudged Seonghwa’s shoulder, wordlessly telling him to get up so Hongjoong could sit back down and keep working, which Seonghwa did, albeit by teleporting to assume his stance behind the chair. Plopping into the newly vacated seat, Hongjoong unplugged the headphones and switched on the speakers. “I know exactly where we stand so I have clarity.”

“You have an interesting definition of clarity because, in my eyes, we’ve been somewhere between friends and dating for at least a month and I’m not sure which side we’re closer to anymore.”

Turning in his chair so he could look up at Seonghwa, who still looked stunning even from such a stupid angle, Hongjoong narrowed his eyes a little. “Are you trying to rush me right now?”

“Of course not, I’m just stating facts.”

“Facts like how you’ve been living with the option to make out with me while I’m asleep, while I’m spending my days trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings for you?”

Cheeks pink, Seonghwa was visibly shocked as he took a half step back. “We haven’t been-”

“Come on, we’re both adults and I know myself. There’s no way I wouldn’t-”

“Joong-ah!”

Deflating with a deep sigh, Hongjoong faced his monitor again, assuming his working position. “We can talk about it later.”

“I’ve never been more frustrated with myself,” Hongjoong stated as he glared at his sleeping self and turned back around to look at Seonghwa who was helplessly standing near the balcony doors across the room.

“You just need a bit more time, that's all,” Seonghwa said gently.

“You’re giving me too much grace. I’m being a whiny little prick.”

“You’re being too harsh on yourself!”

“Are you defending me to myself right now?”

“Yes, because you’re being an asshole to yourself.”

Sighing, Hongjoong crossed his arms and walked over to thump his head against Seonghwa’s shoulder, silently asking for a hug. And of course, Seonghwa’s arms immediately came up to grant it because he was always just a bit too kind. “I’m just annoyed. Everything could be perfect right now if I’d just get my shit together and accept-”

“I know. And you know it too. It’s just not a situation any human should ever be in so it’s difficult for you to come to terms with. But it doesn’t help that you’ve been slacking off on your journey to enlightenment in favor of working on an album for fall next year.”

“It’s gonna be really good though, Sannie’s gonna love it,” Hongjoong commented, voice a little muffled by Seonghwa’s shoulder as he soaked up the warmth and comfort.

“I know, but your personal journey should come first. Maybe then you’ll figure your feelings out too, hm?”

“Tell me that again when I’m awake.”

“I’ve tried.”

“Try again.”

“Just once, I wish the first try would be enough.”

“Why’d it have to be a high ropes course?” San whined, sounding on the brink of tears as he looked up at the ropes criss-crossing between the trees along the side of the mountain.

Behind him, Hongjoong was currently fastening the chin strap on his helmet as they walked up to the first course alongside Mingi and Jongho, the latter of which was the reason they were there to begin with. Him and his stupid vlog.

“I think it’s gonna be fun!” Jongho said cheerfully as he switched his camera back on and firmly attached it to the selfie stick before he pressed record. “We’ve just arrived and San is already looking paler, look!” He angled the camera to focus on San and, by association, Hongjoong right behind him who tried his best to look anywhere but the lens.

“We should start over there!” Mingi called out, causing Jongho to flip the camera and allow Hongjoong to breathe a little easier, suddenly a whole lot less self-conscious. He should’ve never let himself get talked into coming along.

An hour later, San was shrieking and complaining up a storm as he tried to cross a bridge made of swinging planks while Wooyoung, who’d just appeared in front of him, was trying to calm him down amidst his own cackling. This effectively only succeeded in making San panic even harder because Wooyoung was an angel and, therefore, not wearing any safety gear.

“I don’t know if I should find this funny or just feel bad,” Hongjoong commented as he clutched onto both his own rope and the one attached to the side of the plank he was currently balancing on with shaky knees and sweat breaking out all across his body. 

“Both is also an option,” Seonghwa offered as he appeared on the plank in front of him, voice and expression both calmly amused. “You look adorable right now.”

“Thanks, I feel like I could die any second.”

“Don’t worry, I won't let that happen.”

“That’s a relief.”

“I’m glad.”

“I was joking. You’re of zero comfort to me right now.”

“Brutal,” Seonghwa assessed.

“The only thing that could comfort me is the solid ground.”

“You’ll get there at some point.”

“Hopefully alive.”

Ten minutes later, San was still shrieking and crying in front of him while Mingi was doing much of the same behind him and Jongho was way ahead, waving at them with a grin wide enough to still be seen from a distance.

“This is what hell must sound like,” Hongjoong muttered.

“There’s no hell,” Seonghwa said cheerfully, suddenly appearing next to him and calmly holding onto the net. “Earth is a learning planet, so people who do bad things get educated and sent back down with all the bad karma they’ve stockpiled in their last life, effectively giving them the chance to redeem themselves. That is, unless their actions were so inhumane they’re deemed beyond salvageable and are, essentially, destroyed.”

“Sounds like a shitty system,” Hongjoong responded as he clung onto the net he was trying to climb while San and Mingi were both losing their minds and continuously causing it to violently shake. “Why do you get the karma in the next life when you don’t even remember what you did wrong? You’re basically being punished for something you didn’t do.”

“We’ve been arguing that for decades but the higher ups are stubborn.”

“Great. Sounds like a broken system.”

“We’re working on it.”

“Lovely.”

“Just let me die!” Mingi yelled.

“Stop shaking the fucking net!” Hongjoong shouted back.

About half an hour later, they finally made it to a rappelling point where they’d have to switch the rope grab so they could glide down and leave this purgatory behind. By the time Hongjoong and Mingi got there, Jongho was long done and filming them from the ground with gleeful joy on his face as his mouth kept moving, showing he was giving running commentary to the footage’s future audience.

“If I don’t survive this, you can have my new PC, Hongjoong,” San said unsteadily as he tried to switch the rope grab with violently shaking hands.

“I really don’t need it, but thanks, Sannie, I appreciate it,” Hongjoong replied, keeping his voice calm even as he was growing impatient. “But you’ll be fine, you know that. Wooyoung wouldn’t let you die.”

Nodding repeatedly, San, still pale as a sheet, attached the grab to the overhead rope. “Right.”

Ultimately, Hongjoong still had to push him off the ledge so he’d actually glide down and vacate his spot, but he figured San would forgive him eventually.

“I’m never doing you a favor ever again!” Mingi claimed as they walked back to the car, all of them sweaty and uncomfortable but, at last, free of climbing gear again and with steady ground under their feet.

“But it was so much fun!” Jongho argued.

“Maybe for you!” San snapped.

“I’m tired,” Hongjoong said.

When they got back to the car, it was Jongho who drove while Yeosang promised not to play his music and the rest of them fell asleep on their angels’ shoulders, completely wiped out from the last few hours.

A few days later while he was trying to fall asleep, Hongjoong’s brain got caught in yet another thought spiral because life was short and, before he knew it, he’d die and be reborn and everything he currently was would be nothing more than a memory, just another small part of everything that made up his higher self. Did he really want to spend any more time letting his doubts hold him back from trying things out with Seonghwa? 

He knew for a fact Seonghwa would let him hold the reins and set the pace, but he also knew everything which had been holding him back up until now was still there, completely unchanged. Could he really just ignore it all like his friends could? Was he okay with knowing Seonghwa was already committed to a version of him who was different, a version he’d likely never be able to live up to in this life? Would he always be compared to that version if he chose to be with Seonghwa now?

Growing increasingly frustrated, Hongjoong had to accept he was back to just giving himself more reasons which would force Seonghwa to wait even longer instead of moving them forward when a big part of him really just wanted to say fuck it, grab his angel and promise him the rest of his time and kiss him. There was real life, and then there was fantasy.

“You’re pretty conflicted right now.” Seonghwa’s soft voice pulled Hongjoong away from his thoughts, leading him to open his eyes and look at the silhouette of the angel sitting beside him, propped up against the pillows in the silver moonlight. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know,” Hongjoong muttered as he reached out to tug at Seonghwa’s elbow, signaling him to lay down as well. And of course, Seonghwa did.

“It might help you sleep,” Seonghwa pointed out as he curled up on his side, face no more than thirty centimeters from Hongjoong’s, always so flawless, a constant reminder he wasn’t human, even as he claimed he looked no different from his last life as a human.

Bringing his hand to Seonghwa’s cheek, Hongjoong observed as the angel froze, watched his eyes widen, listened to his breath hitch, and felt the heat pool against his palm, all of it so real and tangible. “I wanna kiss you but I’m scared,” Hongjoong admitted.

Shock softened Seonghwa’s features as his gaze darted across Hongjoong’s face, searching for something but what, he wasn’t sure.

“I’m not the one you fell in love with,” Hongjoong said softly.

“Of course you are.”

“I’m not. I just look like him.”

Reaching up to cover Hongjoong’s hand on his face, Seonghwa gently held on as his expression shifted, revealing his worry, his sadness. “You’re always yourself. It doesn’t matter which version of you I look at, all I ever see is you. We’ve gotten reborn six times and I’ve loved you in each one of them. And no matter how many more lives we’ll live, I’ll love you in every single one of those too, whether I have my memories or not. I always recognize you and I always want you and no one else.”

Even as Hongjoong could feel his heart beat faster and his stomach clench, he couldn’t help himself: “That was so cheesy, angel.”

And somehow, Seonghwa’s expression only got more adoring as he smiled. “It was.”

Letting himself finally give in, highly aware it could end in tragedy and regret, Hongjoong traced his thumb against Seonghwa’s soft skin, focused on his own breathing, the reality of the moment, and finally Seonghwa’s unfaltering steady gaze before he uttered just one word. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I want to try.”

The hold on Hongjoong’s hand tightened as Seonghwa turned his head to press a kiss to Hongjoong’s fluttering pulse point. “Everything at your pace then.”

And with that, Hongjoong scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Seonghwa’s shoulders, cuddling up close, hiding his expression and all his doubts in the comforting embrace. Everything else, he’d figure out tomorrow.

“So you’re dating but you haven’t kissed him yet?” Wooyoung asked as they sat in the corner of the dance practice room where Hongjoong had fled for some advice after asking Seonghwa to fetch him some water from the mini fridge all the way on the other side of the room, past Mingi and San’s wide sweeping movements where they ran through a new stage routine.

“No, and I don’t know how to initiate it,” Hongjoong rushed out before Seonghwa could get back. “I don’t want it to be weird.”

“Just go for it!”

“How do you just go for it?”

“Just do it.”

“What the fuck do you mean-”

And suddenly, Wooyoung darted forward, pecked his lips and leaned back, expression unchanged while Hongjoong was absolutely flabbergasted. “Like this,” Wooyoung said simply.

Spluttering, Hongjoong stared at Wooyoung. “What the- How- You can’t just-”

“But I did and you wanna know why?” Wooyoung prompted. “Because I just went for it.”

“You-”

“I told you we’ve dated before so it’s not a big deal. San and I are very secure in our relationship.”

“You’re such a strange little gremlin,” Hongjoong finally got out.

Cackling, Wooyoung shook his head. “What you meant to say was: Wow, Young-ah, you’re so cute and helpful, I love you so much.”

“No, I’m gonna stick with the gremlin thing.”

“Wooyoung, stop kissing my boyfriend, you’ve got your own!” Seonghwa complained as he sat down across from them and handed Hongjoong his water.

“Mine’s busy right now,” Wooyoung said easily. “And I wasn’t even doing it for fun, I was trying to be helpful.”

“Uh-huh, sure.”

“I’m serious!”

It was later on in the recording studio where Hongjoong thought back to Wooyoung’s advice. They were listening to his new track guide for the first time, meaning it was all Hongjoong’s vocals, freshly recorded because he wanted it to sound polished for the higher ups who’d soon make the call on whether it was good enough for San and Jongho’s second collaboration. 

Both of them were really hoping they could start promoting together in the future as a sort of fixed unit with regular comebacks which meant the quality of the track could make or break their proposal and, by extension, their dream.

Standing by the mixing board, Hongjoong and Seonghwa were now listening over the speakers while Hongjoong tried to find any remaining flaws he’d have to fix but he couldn’t really pinpoint anything so, as the song came to an end, he looked over at Seonghwa with searching eyes.

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s perfect,” Seonghwa judged as their gazes locked, his irises dark and glittering under the bright white ceiling light.

‘Just go for it,’ the voice in his head said but Hongjoong couldn’t seem to move.

“I wrote it while thinking of you,” he blurted out.

Amusement sparked on Seonghwa’s face. “I figured.”

“Huh?”

“There’s a lot of angel symbolism.”

“Oh.”

“I think it’s adorable.”

“I’m embarrassed now,” Hongjoong stated, looking away to reach for his laptop while Seonghwa laughed brightly and walked closer to wrap him up in a hug and kiss his temple, keeping him from firing off the email sitting in his drafts which only needed to get the finished track attached.

“Don’t be.”

With heated cheeks, Hongjoong let himself be cuddled for just a bit longer before he began squirming. “I tried to create a moment there and you ruined it, by the way.”

“Oh, sorry.”

‘Just go for it,’ Hongjoong thought again and, this time, he actually turned and grabbed a startled Seonghwa’s face between his hands but couldn’t seem to take the final step.

“What’s happening now?” Seonghwa asked, his cheeks a bit squished, but his expression so very clearly amused, Hongjoong only grew frustrated.

“Can you just kiss me already?”

Momentarily shocked, Seonghwa blinked repeatedly as he looked down at him. “Me?”

“Who else? Wooyoung?”

Chuckling, Seonghwa shook his head and gently nudged one of Hongjoong’s arms aside, removing the hand from his face in the process, as he reached up to place his own palm on the side of Hongjoong’s neck. The gentle touch was warm, electric, causing a shiver to run down his spine as he instinctively brought his free hand to Seonghwa’s sweater to give himself something to hold on to.

Heart pounding, Hongjoong’s gaze traced across Seonghwa’s features, soft and beautiful, as he leaned closer, hyper aware of the gentle caresses of his neck, his ear, and the way their breath was mingling in the shrinking distance between them. Their eyes slipped shut just before their noses grazed and Hongjoong realized this moment alone was already worth every risk. 

Seonghwa’s lips were pillow soft as they met Hongjoong’s, a gentle pressure, leaving him free to part his lips and adjust the angle as he brought his hand from Seonghwa’s face to his hair seconds before they parted again. And as their foreheads came together, his eyes remained closed, holding on to the moment.

“Thank you for letting me be your second kiss,” Seonghwa whispered, tone teasing.

“First.”

“But Woo-”

“Doesn’t count.”

Snickering, Seonghwa leaned forward to peck his lips again. “Alright.”

Chapter Text

At the end of their lives, when they arrived in the other realm, Eden was already waiting for them with crossed arms and an impatient expression. “All eight at once, you’ve never managed that before.”

“It was my fault,” Yeosang admitted.

“No, it wasn’t,” Jongho argued.

“It’s never your fault,” Wooyoung agreed.

“How could it be?” San argued.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it was!” Eden cut in. “What matters is you’re dead and you’ll never get to be guardian angels again. All four of you did a terrible job-”

“Not-”

“Including Yeosang!”

“You’re being a little harsh,” Seonghwa reasoned.

“Even so,” Eden continued, “we’ll establish a new rule. You eight will continue to be reborn together, as closely together in age as possible, even if that means some of you will have to spend more time here as you wait. It’s better for everyone this way, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Hongjoong replied.

“I swear,” Eden went on, “I was this close to pulling a bunch of you out at so many points during that life, what were you thinking? You’re lucky I like you, you know that? But Seonghwa, thank you for being the only with at least half a mind to ensure those three actually grew spiritually, otherwise we would’ve had to deal with three broken minds in one friend group. Imagine how that would’ve gone down?”

“Three?” Yunho prompted.

“Mingi was already grown enough to handle the adjustment,” Eden replied, causing Mingi to grin gleefully as he looked around for approval and received light applause and some praising pats on the back alongside a flurry of compliments from the other seven. “Are you done?” Eden prompted after almost a minute.

“Yes,” Mingi allowed.

“How’d this even happen?” Hongjoong asked. “Why could I suddenly see him?”

“Because you kept talking to him until your soul bond activated,” Eden stated, sounding increasingly tired. “Now go away and plan your upcoming lives by yourselves! I’ll see you back here whenever you’re ready to go back down.”

And with that, Eden disappeared and all eight souls were left alone in the grand stone pavilion with its tall white pillars wrapped in flowers, surrounded by blooming trees and bushes. The space was tranquil and gorgeous like a massive botanical garden and would shelter and provide for them until it was time to set off on their next journey.

“I can’t believe our theory was right,” Hongjoong said as he looked at Seonghwa who met his gaze with a sunny smile. “That’s genuinely so funny, how am I ever gonna top that?”

“Should we place bets on who ends up dating who in the next life?” Jongho spoke up as a white round table with eight matching chairs appeared right in front of them, soon to be joined by notepads and pens to help them write down their plans.

“Maybe I’ll get Yunho this time,” Wooyoung joked.

“I’ll fight you for him,” San joined.

“Now hold up!” Mingi cut in.

“If we don’t end up together, this was all for nothing,” Hongjoong muttered darkly.

“We’ll figure it out,” Seonghwa replied lightheartedly. “And if not, we’ll still have other lives!”

“Until the oceans evaporate?”

“Until the oceans evaporate.”

Hongjoong nodded in approval. “Alright. Let’s sit down and plan then. I wanna get a dog this time so we’ve gotta visit the pet garden later to find the perfect one!”

“Ooh, I want a cat!” San called out.