Chapter Text
The classroom was calmingly quiet, the only noise in the room being the sound of a pencil scratching against a notebook. Jisoo took advantage of the silence as he efficiently organized his notes from the previous period, his lean fingers slipping under the page just seconds before turning it swiftly. The black strokes he was producing with every movement of his hand was dazing, almost pleasant to his eyes. He was so taken up with the practice that Jisoo hadn't even noticed that someone had entered the classroom. He blinked when something got tossed and landed on top of his hand, disrupting the neat row of his writing. Startled, Jisoo slowly picked up what seemed like a sandwich from the school cafeteria.
"Do you ever take a fucking break?"
A sharp voice disturbed the still, peaceful air. Jisoo followed the voice to see Jeonghan standing in front of his desk and looking down at him, clearly irritated for reasons unknown.
"Lunch is almost over. What's the point of studying so hard if you're going to starve? I thought the point of education was so that you could get a job to fill your stomach."
Jisoo continued to stare at Jeonghan through his black-rimmed glasses, and Jeonghan's brows squirmed disapprovingly as he crossed his arms. A long strand of Jeonghan's bangs curved down to his shapely chin, and Jeonghan blew it out of his face. Then as if he couldn't take the silence any longer, Jeonghan grunted before he reached down and snatched the sandwich out of Jisoo's hands. He unwrapped the seal quite violently, and held it out in front of Jisoo's mouth.
"Well?" He shook it impatiently. "Aren't you going to eat it?"
The corners of Jisoo's lips curved to form a smile. Without taking the sandwich, Jisoo simply lowered his head and took a bite. He almost laughed out loud when he felt Jeonghan flinch.
"Hm, I didn't know school cafeteria sandwiches tasted this good until you hand-fed it to me."
The creases between Jeonghan's eyes deepened, and Jisoo reached up to smoothe it out.
"Stop scowling," He said after swallowing. "It's going to leave a mark on your pretty face."
"Oh, shut up."
Jeonghan rolled his eyes, dropping the sandwich (Jisoo caught it just in time before it landed splat on top of his notes) and shoving his hands into his blazer pockets. Walking around their desks, Jeonghan plopped down next to Jisoo and sprawled out head-first onto his table. Jeonghan's long light-brown hair flowed accordingly, covering a bit of Jisoo's pages in the process.
"Did you buy this?"
Jisoo asked, picking up his pencil again. Jeonghan didn't respond. Jisoo continued to take notes where he left off, addressing the long-haired boy without taking his eyes off his notebook.
"You could just tell me now, or I could go ask the hoobaes after school. Either way, I'm bound to run into Soonyoung, Seokmin or Seungkwan sometime so..."
"Seokmin,"
Jeonghan snapped up, stopping abruptly mid-way. He glared at Jisoo for a while, then breathed out as if to suppress an urge to smack Jisoo in the head. "I bought it with Seokmin's money, but only because the kid had some extra change to offer."
Only the scratches Jisoo's pencil against the fresh pages responded to those words, and Jeonghan tried again.
"I didn't take the money from them like you think I did." Jeonghan gritted. "I swear."
Of course, Jeonghan wasn't going to mention that he had merely glanced the three boys' way when Seokmin volunteered to give him everything that was in his pockets as long as Jeonghan promised not to do anything, whatever that meant. Jeonghan almost felt that he was the victim of overgeneralization and stereotyping, just because he tended to hang out with Choi Seungcheol and his gang of friends.
Jisoo turned his head, looking into Jeonghan's eyes for a solid second before nodding.
"Okay," He smiled. "I believe you."
"I don't care if you fucking believe me," Jeonghan scowled, not exactly able to grasp why he was so irritated. "I'm just saying that's what happened, because..."
He trailed off as Jisoo's touch was on his forehead again. The tip of Jisoo's finger felt cool on his hot skin as the boy smoothed out his frown, and Jeonghan kind of lost focus on what he was rambling about, as Jisoo's finger skated down and left him at the peak of his nose.
"That's better." Jisoo said, returning to his notes. "Are you prepared for the English test tonight? I'm going to be at your doorstep six o'clock sharp."
Jeonghan didn't like how Jisoo invaded him in the most unguarded moments and pushed him off balance. The guy was always so composed and undisturbed, while Jeonghan had to put in extra effort to look casual and fight off whatever that lurched his stomach so nauseatingly.
"What do you think?" Jeonghan voiced sarcastically, deliberately laying his head back onto the desk. "Don't bother, I have nothing to feel guilty about. You're the one that decided to tutor me, I didn't ask."
"Yoon Jeonghan,"
Jisoo's voice was low, and Jeonghan suddenly felt a wave of tension around them, the exact chills that he'd been getting for a while now. He stiffened as Jisoo's face came into his view, as Jisoo laid his head in the same position and faced him.
"We're in our last year of high school. What do you plan to do?"
"I'm gonna wing it." Jeonghan smirked. "And see what happens."
"And what if you don't like what happens?"
Jisoo's glasses were pushed against the table, the squished rim making it seem uncomfortable and more importantly, covering Jisoo's left eye. Jeonghan reached out and cautiously pulled onto the glasses. Jisoo didn't seem to mind, rather, he shuffled a bit so that Jeonghan could take it off easily. They stared at each other, and Jeonghan oddly found comfort in knowing that Jisoo could see less better.
"...Stop asking questions."
Jeonghan finally managed. Jisoo attempted to nod with his head still on the desk, a sign that he was willing to take it as an answer for the moment. They fell in silence, watching each other and listening to the clock tick.
"Just one more then."
Jisoo spoke up again.
"What."
"When are you going to answer my question?"
"What the hell, Hong Jisoo, didn't I just tell you not to..."
"Not that."
Jisoo interrupted, and Jeonghan slowly rose back up. It was basically their daily routine, Jisoo reminding him of their incident a month ago and how Jeonghan would say he would tell him tomorrow. Tomorrow went on for thirty days and Jeonghan still hadn't been able to answer the goddamn question.
"You know which one." Jisoo straightened back up as well, looking directly into Jeonghan's eyes.
As Jeonghan opened his mouth to respond, the bell notifying the end of their lunch buzzed. With the squeaking noises of shoes rubbing against the floor, students filed in one after the other, drowning out Jeonghan's unsaid answer.
"Tomorrow." Jeonghan got up, getting ready to leave for his classroom. "I'll tell you tomorrow."
Will you go out with me?
Jeonghan still remembered it vividly, the way Jisoo licked his lips after he said those words, the tone of his voice, the flutters of his eyelids, the unexplainable gaze, hell, Jeonghan even remembered what colour sweater Jisoo was wearing on that evening.
But why? Jeonghan moved his bangs out of his sight as he walked along the school building and towards the empty lot. His hair blew all around as the wind cut through it viciously, and Jeonghan traced his finger along the bricks. None of the lines matched up, causing his fingers to move up and down constantly. The blocks were stacked in an unorderly fashion, and they were going to stay that way, hard and stubborn. Like them. Jeonghan and Jisoo had nothing in common. Hong Jisoo was Sebeun High's school president and Yoon Jeonghan was, well, nothing. While Jisoo never left his comfort zone of the school and the library, Jeonghan never settled himself anywhere. Jeonghan was always searching, for what, he himself didn't know, but for anything, anything that would calm his anxiety down.
As Jeonghan reached the empty lot, he saw Seungcheol, Daeho, and Seojin towering over a smaller kid who was presumably a first year. With a lollipop in his mouth, Seungcheol counted a few bills he lured out of the kid. Daeho started to laugh obnoxiously at something Seungcheol said, and Seojin held their victim's bag upside down to see if anything that could intrigue their painfully boring lives came rumbling out. Jeonghan grabbed a basketball that was rolling on the ground nearby (it was undoubtedly Seungcheol's), and thrust it at the tallest boy as hard as he could. It hit Seungcheol right in the back, and roaring a thunder, the man reeled around.
"Who the hell... Yoon Jeonghan!"
Seungcheol's glowering face brightened immediately when his eyes landed on his friend.
"Let the poor kid go, you fucking bastard."
Jeonghan said cynically, catching the ball when Seungcheol threw it back. Seungcheol was wearing a white tee, his uniform shirt and blazer thrown off on the ground, freakishly immune to the chill.
"Babe!"
Seojin darted over and threw his arms around Jeonghan's shoulder. Chuckling, Jeonghan withstood Seojin's weight for a slight second before he shook the guy off. Daeho took the ball as he high-fived Jeonghan.
"Haven't seen you around lately, where were you?"
"Just," Jeonghan shrugged. "around."
Blatantly ignoring Seungcheol who spread his arms out for a hug with a goofy smile over his face, Jeonghan brushed past him and lowered himself to level the boy's eyes. The young boy was overly frightened, scrunched up to pretect himself, sniffling and trying to grab his things on the ground. Jeonghan's eyes scanned the boy's name plate.
"Lee Chan."
He uttered thoughtlessly. Cowering under Jeonghan's gaze, Chan looked ready to cry, obviously scared out of his wits. Jeonghan picked up the boy's things that were rolling around the ground and handed it to the younger boy.
"Go."
He said to Chan. Watching all of this, Seungcheol ticked his head to the side, and Seojin quickly thrashed the bag at the first year named Chan.
"Here, kiddo. Stock in some money in your pockets next time incase we run into you again, aight?"
Chan nodded furiously, jamming his belongings into his backpack and scurrying to leave. But before he could take a step, Seungcheol put his arm around the boy and took the lollipop out of his mouth.
"Whoa, slow down. Daeho and Seojin are going to assist you out, so that we know you aren't going to disclose anything to anyone and go straight home. Hyungs are nicer than you think, you know."
Then Seungcheol straightened back, lightly pushing the boy to go forward and motioning for the two friends to take him. Jeonghan watched Chan, stuck between Daeho and Seojin who were guffawing over something probably insignificant, get smaller and smaller in his sight until they curved the corner.
"I missed you."
Jeonghan turned around at Seungcheol's playful tone. He was grinning, bouncing the basketball up and down.
"Are you that broke for money?"
Jeonghan snapped, tucking the blowing strands of his hair behind his ears.
"You know it's a pretty tough world out there, I gotta have my own back."
"Get a job, moron."
"Aw, c'mon." Seungcheol pretended to pout, fixing the ball between his arm and waist. "Don't be so mean when I saved this for you."
He then reached into his pant pocket, holding up two white, stick-like objects. It was after another irritated swap of his fluttering locks from his face, that Jeonghan recognized them to be cigarettes.
"You're an ass."
Jeonghan scowled, already licking his lips. Goddamn, his mouth was practically watering at the mere sight of them.
"Oh, are you still doing that thing where you're trying to quit?"
Seungcheol asked innocently as his lips formed a smirk.
"Okay then," He pretended to sigh, tucking one of them back in his pocket again. "That's a pleasant treat left for me tonight."
Seungcheol fit one between his lips, flicked a lighter out and inhaled deeply. He looked at Jeonghan, winked, and came over to grin like an idiot again, or just to puff out smokes onto his face and mock him, at least in Jeonghan's eyes.
"It's hard to see you these days." He said, seriousness hinting in his voice. "What's up?"
Jeonghan looked up, fighting the urge to cast Seungcheol's wet bangs that were plastered against his forehead.
"I've been thinking," Jeonghan spoke up after a moment. "We're in our last year of high school. What do you plan to do?"
Seungcheol's brows soared. Under his steady gaze, Jeonghan realized the meaning of his words, and his lashes starting to flit out of consternation. He hadn't mean to ask such a question, because Seungcheol had his reasons and limits, and knowing where Seungcheol was coming from, Jeonghan shouldn't have been the one to ask. It was Hong Jisoo's fault, really, he'd caught the nerd's habit of asking stupid questions. Seungcheol's hand rose to take the cigarette out from his lips. He exhaled, looking far out behind Jeonghan's shoulders. He then laughed. It was a lively kind, a sound that didn't really fit their situation.
"I don't know. But it's still a plan." Seungcheol cocked his head. "I'm going to be leaving this stupid-ass school's protection soon, and I'm sort of half-recruited into Bumjoo hyung's gang."
Jeonghan nodded wordlessly.
"Daeho and Seojin are thinking about it too." Seungcheol said between smoky exhales. "And I've been wondering..."
Another gush of chilly wind struck them at that moment, and Jeonghan's long locks fluttered wildly all around. Jeonghan cussed in annoyance, flicking his hair out of his face in exasperated irritation when Seungcheol burst out laughing.
"You're the one who's refusing to cut it, can't you be a bit nicer to your hair?"
Then he slid in closer, circling his arms around Jeonghan's shoulder. Jeonghan took a step back, startled at Seungcheol's swift motion as if he was going to embrace him. But the other male stopped mid-way, whisking a hairband off his wrist to skillfully gather Jeonghan's hair into a ponytail.
"I told you to carry one around."
He leaned back and grinned. Jeonghan stared, a bit surprised, as Seungcheol took a strand of his hair that got missed in the bond and tucked it behind Jeonghan's ear. The smell of Seungcheol's sweat fused with the smell of his cigarette, the mixture seeming to water his eyes. Jeonghan swallowed, managing a small smirk.
"Fine, I'll think about it."
Seungcheol froze, his eyes widening at Jeonghan's words.
"I know what you were going to say." Jeonghan continued, enjoying Seungcheol's shocked expression a lot more than he should. "Bumjoo hyung's nice, although it looks like he should cut off some of the stuff he's on. Other than that, he's not too bad."
Jeonghan smiled as he slipped a cigarette between his lips. Seungcheol frowned, his hands immediately checking his pockets to find that his last treat went missing.
"How did you-"
"I slipped it out just when you were tying my hair."
Jeonghan made a face, sticking his tongue out at Seungcheol who shook his head in impressed amusement. As Seungcheol brought his cigarette back into his mouth and inhaled, Jeonghan leaned forward so that the butt of their cigarettes met. He waited a second for it to lit, looking downward and revealing his long eyelashes before he parted away. Seungcheol looked visibly disappointed at the separation, yet grinned again when Jeonghan inhaled deeply, looking like he was relieved from all the worries in the world, burning it all within the toxins of the cigarette.
Jeonghan dragged himself home, crossing his fingers that he wouldn't find what he was dreading to find sitting on the steps of his porch. Jeonghan convinced himself that he didn't really believe that Jisoo would be waiting for him through this dreadful evening chill. Although internally, he just didn't want to admit that Jisoo could still be waiting, already having waited for god knows how long. Jisoo was idiotically naive when it came to non-academic aspects of life. Running his hand through his hair habitually, Jeonghan accidentally messed up the ponytail Seungcheol tied for him and ended up yanking it out in annoyance. Jeonghan's phone had long run out of batteries, though he wasn't going to deny that there were plenty of other options for him to take. Jeonghan didn't try to figure out why he refused to notify Jisoo in advance that he wasn't going to be home. It only hurt his head.
Jeonghan raised his head to find the moon full and bright. Another day had passed by, a day which could've been a birthday for someone, a mundane cyclic day for someone else, or a day that could've been someone's very last. Tracing back to how he spent the time, Jeonghan looked down at his rumpled blue uniform and snickered at the still-fresh memory. It was well spent; hanging out at the PC room playing online games with Daeho, laughing at Seojin's pathetic attempt to pick up women on the streets, and eating noodles at the soju stand bought by a reluctant Seungcheol who lost a bet. He had fun, it was just the void in his stomach that he despised when he was left alone at the end of the day to head home. Everything felt empty. His pockets, his head, his heart.
Jeonghan walked along the hill, not knowing what he was anticipating until his house slipped into his view. The old streetlamps that were guiding Jeonghan may have been dim, but the night air was resentfully clear.
Jisoo wasn't there.
Something in which Jeonghan thought was a sigh escaped Jeonghan's lips. He then soon realized that it was chuckle, mixed with a small cuss, and -Jeonghan couldn't believe it as he slapped his hands against his mouth- he was stifling a cry. It was relief that was supposed to take him over, why the fuck was he crying? Jeonghan bit his lips as he suppressed ugly sounds that were starting to slip out from his mouth. He continued to walk forth, clenching his fists and refusing to wipe his eyes. That would be the final act of giving into his feelings and Jeonghan had too much pride for that.
His long locks fluttered in the wind, and this time Jeonghan didn't wave it out of his face. He was glad that there was something that shielded his face from view, storming ahead and leaving the sense of direction to his intuition. Hong Jisoo wasn't there. Jeonghan walked faster, as if to be stomping all over on the unchanging fact. It was quite stupid really, because it made perfect sense for someone to go home instead of waiting five hours in the cold for some pathetic classmate who didn't bother a second to send a simple text message.
Jeonghan wasn't sure if he may have heard a series of frantic honking at that moment. A bright flash of light seemed to pool in front of his blurred vision, and Jeonghan was about to turn around when he was suddenly taken by someone's hand that pulled him with unbelievable force. Jeonghan's back hit against the brick wall and as his head arched back from the rebound, he felt a hand wrapping around his head and saving him from slamming it against the wall. Jeonghan's teary eyes widened, seeing a car pass by at a frightening speed with the driver screaming at him through the window. Stunned, Jeonghan continued to stand with his nose buried in someone's collar, until its crisp and familiar scent of fabric softener reached his nose. It was Jisoo's smell, the smell that reminded him of freshly ironed shirts, black-rimmed glasses and pastel-coloured notebooks.
"Jisoo, what-" Jeonghan tried to break free, but Jisoo's hold was firmer than he thought.
"Don't move." Jisoo said, "Just stay."
"Wait, I-"
"Just let me do this if you aren't hurt."
Jeonghan froze, at a loss for words. His heart started to race, gradually beating so fast that he wasn't sure if he'd been walking breathlessly. A part of him was convinced that it was because Jisoo was pulling him in so tightly, but really, there was no other way to explain his face that felt hot against the wind. Jeonghan mindlessly thanked the flickering yellow lights above his head that was presumably allowing him to hide the colour on his face. Jisoo let him go after a moment that seemed like forever.
"What the hell were you doing in the middle of the street at this hour?"
Jisoo spat, something Jeonghan hadn't expected to hear in Jisoo's soft-spoken voice.
"I was going home," Jeonghan sputtered, "What are you doing here?"
"I was looking for someone who didn't come home way after dark, someone I couldn't reach at all, someone who I had no way of knowing if anything happened to him or not."
Jisoo growled in a manner that was so out of his character, shutting Jeonghan's comprehension down to say anything in defense.
"You were looking for me?" Jeonghan spoke, a bit shocked. "All this time?"
It was then that Jisoo's entire form came into his view. Jeonghan saw Jisoo's wrinkled uniform shirt that was usually perfect without crease, the irredeemable mess of Jisoo's hair, and the worried bags under his deep eyes. Jeonghan's gaze reached down to Jisoo's left hand and he emitted a soft gasp without the other male noticing. Jisoo sighed in agitation and tried to brush down his hair.
"You're right. You told me not to bother, but I was the idiot that came."
Almost looking angry, which Jeonghan had never seen of the reserved boy, Jisoo spun around. Jisoo had merely taken two steps when Jeonghan blocked his path and looked at him steadily in the eyes.
"You're not going anywhere." Jeonghan said firmly. "Not with hands like that."
Jisoo looked down at his hand, obviously not having noticed how bloody and tattered it was. It was undoubtedly scratched from the brick wall when he protected Jeonghan's head from it, and Jisoo's face cringed as if he'd just become aware of the stinging pain.
"Here, come."
Jeonghan cautiously grabbed Jisoo by the other arm and led them up the path again.
Jeonghan's house was empty and looking forlorn, just as always. Throwing his keys onto his bare dining table, Jeonghan turned on the lights. Seeing Jisoo under proper lights was even a more priceless sight.
"You should see yourself right now. I'd never have imagined the Hong Jisoo to look like this."
Jeonghan remarked, rummaging through his living room drawer that rarely got opened. In the middle of looking for something that at least resembled a first-aid kit, Jeonghan looked back when he didn't get a reply. Jisoo was standing in the middle of the room, his eyes fixed onto his face. Feeling a wave of heat rushing to his face again, Jeonghan cleared his throat.
"You can sit down, you know."
Jisoo shuffled to sit down on his couch, looking around the barren walls and drawing his eyes to land on Jeonghan again. Pretending to be unaware of the piercing stare on his back, Jeonghan grabbed what looked like a general ointment for scrapes and cuts. He also searched every single drawer in his house to look for bandages, but to his dismay didn't find any, not that he really expected to. As Jeonghan sighed and plopped himself down in front of the patient on the couch, Jisoo finally took his eyes off from Jeonghan's face and frowned when he saw the ointment.
"I don't need that, I just have to wash the blood off and it'll be fine..."
"Silence," Jeonghan cut him off as he dabbed at the wound with a wet towel. "It would suck if it left a scar, and I can't bear you using that against me."
Jisoo fell silent, and Jeonghan pretended to be completely occupied with his bloody hand. Ignoring how bright and exposed his face must be, Jeonghan continued to treat the wound on Jisoo's hand, trying persuade himself that Jisoo wasn't scrutinizing his every move. He smeared the ointment as carefully as he could, doing his best to suppress an urge to look up whenever Jisoo flinched at the pain. Jisoo's hand was all washed up and treated, but it didn't look finished in Jeonghan's eyes. As Jisoo silently watched him, Jeonghan fell in thought for a while. Then after a bit of hesitation, he yanked off the blue uniform tie from his neck and wrapped it around Jisoo's hand as if it were a bandage.
"There."
Jeonghan cried in satisfaction at his poor try on Jisoo's hand. He unconsciously grinned and lifted his head, startled to find Jisoo's face so close. He'd been so focused on treating Jisoo's hand that he had long-forgotten, but the realization that Jisoo was staring struck again, and it was doing everything but anything healthy to his heart. Jisoo suddenly moved, almost scaring Jeonghan to death, stretching out his good hand. Confused, Jeonghan peered down at the hand and Jisoo simply nudged his chin.
"Your hand."
Jeonghan complied and gave him his hand, still puzzled. Jisoo brought Jeonghan's hand to his nose, sharply looking at the long-haired boy when he sniffed something he didn't like.
"I thought you quit."
Having internalized what Jisoo was doing, Jeonghan quickly retreated his hand.
"I did!" He exclaimed, rubbing his hands as if the act could rub off the bitter tobacco smell. "Today was really unavoidable though, I really haven't smoked in a while..."
Jisoo looked skeptical, and Jeonghan's shoulders dropped. A long effort of hard work seemed like it was going to betray him for one little mistake.
"I swear."
Jeonghan said limply, and Jisoo took Jeonghan's hand again.
"Can't you listen to me for once?" Jisoo said, his words accompanied with a sigh. He tilted his head to meet Jeonghan's gaze. "You'll thank me in the long run."
"I know, I know." Jeonghan grumbled. "I've heard far too much from you how cigarrettes rot my lungs and I'll die from this and that..."
"There's another reason," Jisoo interrupted, and Jeonghan rolled his eyes.
"What, another type of cancer? Or..."
Jisoo suddenly reached for Jeonghan's hand and pulled him in. Jeonghan unintentionally fell frontwards, landing on top of Jisoo's knees. Jeonghan's words trailed off, his words stifling back inside his throat when he realized that their lips were just centimeters away from each other. Jeonghan froze, staring wide-eyed. His heart began to pound against his chest so loudly that it seemed to reverberate his entire house. It was the only noise he could hear, all of his other senses numbed as if the world stopped around them. It really did seem to, until Jisoo opened his mouth.
"You don't want our first kiss to taste like cigarettes, do you?"
He spoke softly, his breath tickling against Jeonghan's lips.
Jeonghan found himself shaking his head. Jisoo laughed softly, and Jeonghan remained unmoving, too scared to move incase their lips brushed against each other. With a smile still glinting at his lips, Jisoo leaned in.
"Will you go out with me?"
With barely any space in between them, Jeonghan heard Jisoo whisper.
"Tomorrow. I'll tell you tomorrow."
Jeonghan answered in a breath, and elevated himself to kiss Hong Jisoo.