Work Text:
Ruddy Cheeks – Pt. 2
Another case closed. There is always a moment of feeling fulfilled when that happens but then the paperwork has to be done and Lisbon becomes annoyed to say the least that someone committed such a heinous crime. It is not even a relief when it’s finished with her eyes being sore from staring at a computer monitor and an ache to the hand that she had to sign too many documents with. Still, at least it is the weekend, she muses, already deciding what takeout she will treat herself to tonight.
She can practically taste the Chinese food when the door to her office is pushed open by one of the most loyal members of her team – the steely gazed yet warm-hearted Kimball Cho. “Boss, you have a minute?” He asks and Lisbon senses her six o’clock finishing time slip away, but it’s fine because it’s Cho.
“Sure.” She welcomes him inside her office, and he does join her in the reasonably sized space with the door softly closing behind him. “I heard about you and Rigsby with the drug dealer earlier. Nice work.” She praises but her praise seems to aggravate him almost. Cho exhales, appearing very unsure of himself in this moment which is not like him at all. The sight gets her quickly anxious which shines through when she carefully asks him, “Is everything all right?”
“No.” He replies swiftly, and Lisbon internally gives herself a shake, to remind her that she has to be the cool-headed boss in this situation, not a mess to learn that someone she cares about isn’t doing so good.
“This is a safe room. You can talk about whatever you'd like here.”
“Okay.” He utters but nothing else immediately comes. She remains quiet whilst witnessing his inner struggle, compared to a lot of people it isn’t much to look at but there is the slight flaring of his nostrils and tensing of his jaw. Lisbon doesn’t know how much time passes before he speaks again, it feels both not a lot and hours simultaneously, but it is frustrating all the same. “I'm sorry I was late this morning. I'll make sure it never happens again.”
“Okay.” But it isn’t okay.
Cho stands back up with a “good night, boss”, and goes to make his departure but her thoughts are scratching at the inside of her head, telling her that she needs to stop him, that there is something fundamentally wrong.
So she stops him. "Kimball, wait." He hesitates for a moment, hand hovering over the door handle torn between doing what he wants to do and doing what his boss, his friend, wants. She waits patiently yet nervously from her desk, not knowing what path he will take but when he sharply exhales and his head falls forward in defeat, she has a feeling that she will get the answers she desires.
Cho is not a man of many words, but he manages three. "I screwed up." He reveals, still facing the door and her heart beats a little faster. When he turns back to look at her, his usual stoic expression is forgotten, his walls are down, and he is letting her in.
This is new to her. Cho does not screw up. He is meticulous in his work, both behind a desk and in the field, and even with Jane trying his best to lead him a stray he does stand his ground. He has a strong moral compass but that doesn't mean admitting a mess up comes easy to him. "Kimball..." She says his name, his real name, so softly in a way to calm him. "Whatever it is, I'm sure we can work through it. Together." He doesn't appear so sure, but he appears even less sure when she nods towards the chair that he was only just sitting in.
Cho swallows down nothing and does retrace his steps back to chair in front of her desk before taking a seat. He still doesn't offer up any more information and she recognises that he's going to need another nudge. He is the best interrogator on the team so perhaps it shouldn't surprise Lisbon that he is pro at not giving anything away. "Did something happen today in the field?" She questions and the trace of panic that crosses his features tells her that she's hit the nail on the end - but that doesn't make her feel any better.
"Yes." He confesses monosyllabically which is very frustrating, but he does find the will to continue. "I blacked out on the bust and almost cost Rigsby his life." Her gut twists in worry at this fresh information, with her mind listing all the possible reasons as to why this would happen, but it is like she is unable to land on a conclusion. "I keep thinking about Ben. If he had to grow up without a father because of me, I would have never forgiven myself."
Lisbon thinks of Jane for a second and how his guilt has ruined his life, turned him to the obsessive and frankly unstable man he is today. She would hate that to happen to anyone else and there is also the notion of losing one of her team, losing Rigs, that makes her nauseous. They're in a dangerous line of work she knows that but having to lay any of her team to rest isn't worth thinking about. "I don't understand." She admits after a few beats of quiet, despising how vulnerable she sounds in this moment. Her green eyes meet Cho's dark ones from across her desk as she searches for answers. "Why did you black out?"
And now it is his gut that clenches. "Because of the painkillers." This didn’t come up on her list of reasons, but that's because Lisbon was not aware that he was on any medication. "Since my accident I've become reliant on them. Boss I..." He trails off, his face fleetingly displaying his inner turmoil before he finds some poise and forces his mouth shut.
"Cho, it is okay." She may say this gently but there is an urge to beg him to believe her so he can be honest and free himself of whatever he has been enduring alone. "It's okay." She repeats again but with the tiniest of nods.
Cho sighs and she watches how he becomes rigid. "I think I'm hooked on them, and I don't know what to do." It is only now that she notices how his skin is paler than before and there are dark circles under his eyes. Is she a bad departmental lead for not spotting that one of her team members has been suffering in this way? "I was thinking cold turkey but..." He looks fearful at just the idea of it, showing her just how far he has fallen. "I know you have to report me to HR. Don't worry I understand." But what are HR actually going to do?
They will suspend him for starters, say he is not fit for active duty and then investigate what happened today. Best case scenario he is suspended for a few weeks and given mandatory psych sessions. He would hate that so much and God knows what would happen to him during his time off. Worst case, he could lose his badge for gross misconduct, even though he is only addicted to the things because of being injured in the field. Professionalism is very important to Lisbon, but Cho is like a brother to her, in fact he is more present in her life than her actual brothers - reporting him to HR would feel like stabbing him in the back.
The professional side of things is the least of her worries right now though, which may sound odd considering she is the department lead, she is more concerned about him and his arduous recovery. Addiction is no joke. It was an addiction which killed her father, and she has lost count the number of cases they have had involving it. It tears lives apart. She can't let that happen to him. "Where are the pills now?" Lisbon asks and she thinks she registers the slightest of raise to Cho's eyebrow in response.
He blinks at her once and then again and then he's reaching into his left inside pocket to pull out the orange-yellow pill bottle. There are only seven or eight of the white tablets left but he already has a new prescription to get filled. Cho isn't going to get it filled. "Boss... I didn't want this to happen."
"I know." She states simply and holds out a hand to take the bottle from him. With some reluctance, he does drop it into her hand before she pulls open the top drawer of her desk to hide away the item. "Have you ever gone cold turkey before?"
"No."
"I have heard it's very unpleasant." She thinks out loud but then regrets it. The last thing Cho needs is to think about how difficult the coming days will be. "You're coming home with me for the weekend and giving it a go. If you need to take some time off sick next week, then I will okay that too." She decides and the line between her being his boss and his friend become blurred at the offer. "Those are my terms, if you don't agree then I have no choice than to report it." It is close to being a threat but realising this has her backtracking a little with her voice turning quieter. "I don't mean that to sound like blackmail."
"I know." Cho reassures. "Thank you."
"Go and get your things. We leave in five." He nods and stands back up but the way he knocks his chair back as he does is hardly fluid. Lisbon doesn't think she's ever seen Cho stumble through life before but now she has a front row seat. "Kimball." She mutters, forcing him to pause before he reaches the door. "Thank you for telling me. I know it wouldn't have been easy, but I'm going to help you. I swear." His eyes gleam from the emotion of this scenario when he nods again before he's opening the door to her office and walking towards the bullpen without another word.
Lisbon groans and resists the urge to let her head fall forward onto her desk. This is not how she envisioned her weekend to be but it's fine because she really does want to help. She's just thrown by the whole situation and guilty that she didn't spot it. Is she really that bogged down in ensuring her consultant doesn't crack up, that the rest of her team has left her focus? She doesn’t know, but she does know that she's going to be paying more attention from now on.
As if he's read her mind, the next time the door opens it is Jane wandering in with a concerned expression on his face. Of course he hasn't read her mind, that would be impossible because psychics don't exist, but he does have the ability to discern when things aren't quite right around here. "Is he alright?" He questions, brow furrowed and a cup of tea in his hand. It should annoy her that he's being so nosey, and he's so clearly watched the exchange happen through the blinds, but she isn't because it is refreshing to know he actually cares when it has seemed that all his attention has been on him and his cause as of late.
Lisbon could lie to him or attempt to, but she knows that it won't get her anywhere. He will see right through her and there is part of her which is wondering if he knew this was all going on. He must have noticed. He is Patrick Jane! If he has, then why hasn't he done anything about it? She has seen him hypnotise people to give up smoking including Minelli. Is he so wrapped up in himself and Red John right now that he has missed this? She isn't sure whether she can believe it. "No, he's not." She reveals with a sigh and Jane cocks his head to one side, clearly hoping that she gives him something more. However she doesn't plan to indulge him. "He's going to come home with me. I can handle it."
"Okay...?" Is his response, with his blue-green eyes flickering from side to side as he tries to read her, but she puts up her walls and dons her mask so it is quite difficult for him to. "If you need me then let me know. Cho too." So he settles on this instead, and she is grateful, even if she doesn't plan to make such a show of it.
"Thank you."
"See you Monday."
"See you Monday."