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1. It was just like a movie
She appears in his life with an allure he's unable to resist, when she stays he realizes she's one of the people he trusts the most, and in a short period of time she has made a difference in his life. How he takes his coffee, how many cups of coffee he has, how how much time he takes to pick up a tie in the morning, how he smiles when he enters the office and she's already there... If his life was a classic movie, boy meets girl kind of movie, (one of those movies Donna and Gordon love to discuss over the phone) she could be the one that makes his world upside down, but he doesn't think that. What he does dwell on is the fact that before she introduced herself to him his life his life was in black and white and she brought on technicolor and widescreen into it.
2. I would never break the rules unless you tell me to. You can read my mind, be it truth or lies. Lie down beside me, why won't you let it be?
His tongue traces patterns across her stomach, tasting the sweet distinct flavor of whipped cream and something that it is only her. He takes his time to find spots not any other men has. His caresses, soft and passionate, cherishing her whole body, every sound coming from her becoming one of his favorite sounds. He's deeply enjoying this moment between the two were there are no walls to take down. She kisses him like he has never been kissed, adoringly with just the right amount of tease, she knows what spots to press on, how to torment him, or what to say to make him dissolve into pure bliss.
He knows if he stays he'll maim what they have, what they just had. He goes away before she wakes up, before he has the chance to let the rapture he just experienced take over and listen, for once, to what his feelings are revealing and not what his head dictates.
3. Give me a memory I can use
He touches her shoulder and a shiver travels through her spine, the contact brief and innocent. Since she occupied this little cubicle outside his small office she stopped fixing his tie, they go out of their way so their fingers don't come into contact when she hands him his coffee, she just points out when his hair is out of place. They don't touch anymore, at all. Is conscious on her part, but she doesn't know about him. They just don't talk about it, just like she asked.
Some nights when she's laying in bed alone, the traitorous memories lurking around her, she closes her eyes, ignores how his mouth felt, he's her boss, just a part of her compartmentalized world. She goes out, meets people, moves on.
4. Sometimes I just feel it's only me. Who never became who they thought they'd be
The summer night wind is messing with her hair and her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes while she says goodbye to the actors on the play she’s starring in this little Off - Broadway theater.
He’s leaning slyly against a car, bouquet of flowers on one hand, her heart jumps at the sight of him waiting for her.
‘I thought you left’ she says quietly, he tilts his head to a side, offers her the flowers. She smells them, makes a contentment humming sound and her smile for a split second is genuine.
‘I was waiting for you, there’s this new Thai place not far away from here, if you’re in the mood for that’
‘Thai is for celebrating’
‘And we aren’t? You kill it in there tonight Donna!’ his voice sincere, she looks down; trying to hide the blush she feels is starting to creep into her face, her hair cascading, the street lamps casting shadows on it. His eyes are expectant and she lets him lead the way.
Her life is not what she used to dream it would be, but tonight she’ll give herself a break and enjoy his company, tomorrow she’ll go back to answer phones and juggle the schedule of the best legal secretary in NY city and struggling actress.
5. But it's in my roots, it's in my veins, It's in my blood, and I stain every heart that I use to heal the pain
He’s alone in his poorly lighted office, darkness enveloping him; he can feel his raging heart going back to a normal rate as he sips his glass of scotch, the alcohol burning his throat, the angry tears he would have spilled held in place. His gaze is focused on a horrible painting his father has given him, challenging him to hang it on his fancy walls. Something to upset his perfect life, Gordon said joking. Nothing in his life feels perfect after the conversation he had with his mother, Donna’s desk empty after the work day. He wants to call her, pick up on her offer for company knowing how he’s feeling. But he can’t, there’s a line between them and he’s grateful for it, her pure, loyal, carefree heart doesn’t deserve his damaged self, he’s not worthy. He leaves the glass on his tray, grabs his coat and walks away into the night. Tomorrow in the light of day she’ll be sitting there, shiny smile while she gives him his schedule and brings him coffee, and in that moment his heart won’t feel as a burden he carries around all the time.
6. When the pain cuts you deep. When the night keeps you from sleeping. Just look and you will see...
The worst day of his life is at the same time the best day in his career. He gave up so many things to be where he is, to be what he is. He gave up the most important things, he denied himself quality time with his father, he bailed out from Friday nights with people he used to call friends, he cut himself from moments that would make him feel alive towards this particular goal. He feels despair, his world is shattered, the one person he would like to be celebrating with out of his reach.
The funeral is moving, the speakers keeping it short, his father band play a song in Gordon's honor and he knows the tears he had been holding are about to break free. Suddenly his hand is warm, the loneliness grasping his heart coming to a halt. He gazes down, creamy hands holding tight, red hear resting on his shoulder. When the song ends he looks at her and lets himself hug her, she kisses his cheek, her eyes speaking more than any word between them would. [I'm here. I need you, thank you.]
7. It could be something in the air I breath. Whatever it is, I depend on it. Where does the time go?
He hears her rich laugh before he sees her, before he's finds himself breathless. She's wearing a long maroon backless dress, clinging to her perfect curves, her hair to a side showing her lean neck. She's with Louis standing at the open bar, and he never thought he would like to change places with this man, but he does now.
He makes her way to her after some time, when his heartbeat has returned to normal.
"Tuxedos are a good look on you" she says smiling, he can tell she has had a few drinks but not too many.
"I make tuxedos look good" he answers Donna rolls her eyes, asks what he wants to drink. He requests his favorite scotch, because of all the things in the world he wants that night, his whiskey of preference is all he'll be getting.
8. It illuminates all of my doubts
Mike couldn't find a loophole to close this case, Rachel hasn't find anything, he can feel Louis waiting for him to fail and Jessica breathing on his neck. Out of the blue Donna comes up with the solution, she had been walking from left to right in his office for more than 10 minutes and her heels clicking on the floor were driving him insane, but before he commented on it she uttered the perfect metaphor to make him realize what he has to do. Food is cold on the table, the lights almost all out, the moon coming from the window making her proud and fiery smile shine.
"I could kiss you right now" he says without thinking it through, getting up and walking towards her. He stops when he sees the look of her face. She doesn't say anything, and he smiles grateful. "We can call it a night Donna, I'll finish it in the morning"
She asks if he's sure, he nods because he doesn't trust his voice. Her goodbye is quiet as he watches her walk away.
She mindfully breathes in an out until she reaches the elevator doors and regains her composure again.
9. I gave you everything you never gave me. I never lied and I never faked it, only wanted for you to save me
"I wanted you to fight for me" her voice reverberates in his head, because professionally he's sure he has, numerous times, even when she didn't know it. But he's not sure that was what she meant.
10. I'm giving you up
If she wanted him (in every sense of the world) she would have spoken up years ago, the morning after the other time, or sometime during several of their fights.
If he wanted her, more than just a friend, more than just his (opinionated) secretary he would have make a move, she doesn’t think how he fights like hell for his work life but not his personal one.
He sees her going home hand in hand with Stephen, her laugh reaching him when the elevator door is closing. Scottie’s heels resonate near him
“Are you ready?” she asks softly.
He nods to her, because no, he’s nowhere ready to lose Donna but he made a choice, a long time ago and keeps repeating it almost every day in his life. He gave her up, in a certain way he did. Donna deserves better and Scottie deserves better too.
11. I'm trying to be brave. Stop asking me to stay
There have been moments where the lines blurred before, there have been moments when she had pondered on the what ifs, the difference is they have never talked about it before. Something happened, and whatever it was erased the line they so carefully have drawn for more than a decade and made another one. She needs to leave, not because she doesn't love him, but because she does.
12. Why if I'm not the one for you? Why have we been through what we have been through.
He knows what he's asking of her is making her be at a cross hair, he knows where her loyalties lay, he knows because for the better part of his adult life she was by her side. She left and he's starting to understand why, but that doesn't mean he stopped needing her. They have history together, part of it tried to be erased unsuccessfully. She's a part of his life, she was his light in the darkness, an anchor bringing guidance. She leaving doesn't mean he stopped wanting her, he understands that now, the difference between the two. But what he grasps too and most important, is what he has to do. [How to fight, for her, for them]
13. I wasn't ready then, I'm ready now. I'm heading straight for you, the one that I belong to
The glasses of scotch are forgotten on the table, her body pressed to the wall, he's caging her in, between his arms, both of them clutching to the wall for support. There's no space between them, their tongues a sweet tangled mess, her hands clinging to his side. The kiss is desperate, frantic and passionate. Her senses come back to her, the haze in her mind dissipating together with the imperious need of air.
She looks at him, his eyes are pleading, when she asked why he was running in circles, a spiral of self destruction, her voice getting louder and intense with every word. His silence made her lose it and she kept on pressing. What was the thing he searched for so desperately, what did he want?. He had said softly, quiet "I want you". She had searched for confirmation that she heard him correctly, his gaze never leaving hers, challenging her to keep going, to defy what he was saying. She didn't, he kissed her, tentatively first, ardently when she responded and her arms embraced him.
She realizes she's still waiting for him to bolt, and he probably senses it "I'm not going anywhere Donna" They keep looking into each other, almost stargazing.
"I love you Harvey, I can't" he interrupts her.
"Go back?" she nods, her eyes shiny.
"I don't want that" his arms come down, grabbing her hands. "Donna, don't you get it? You're my everything" She kisses him then, urgently, demanding.
"Don't get cocky now" she adds when she can sense him smiling through the kiss, his hands travelling down her back. He tilts his head to a side mouths "never" plants open mouth kisses along her neck, fumbling with the zipper on the back of her dress, eliciting a half moan half laugh from her. She helps him, leads them to the bedroom. Finally giving in to sensations, feelings, they have denied for such a long time.
They map each other's bodies with kisses and promises of what's next to come, he whispers I love you and repeats it before she curls herself next to him. They fall sleep with a sensation of serenity, of power to overcome what may came their way. They're, finally, in sync.
You're my life, you're my darkness
You're the right kind of madness
And you're my hope, you're my despair
You're my scope, everything, everywhere
Fin