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English
Series:
Part 8 of Twisted Ideal
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Published:
2024-02-26
Words:
910
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
1
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22

I Love You and It Hurts

Summary:

Yamane reflects on her relationship with Sonia, and realizes that If it barely works as a friendship, it couldn't possibly be a romantic relationship.

Notes:

This is a short and probably not the best fic, but I had the idea for a while so I did it anyway.

*I'm a little ill at the moment, so forgive my comprehension, my brain hasn't been working for the past 2 months <:3*

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Time has passed since the trip to the island of Kaua'i, Yamane has slowly integrated herself back into the student body of Night Raven College. She has been through various prejudice because of her connection to a perpetrator, the rumors were awful. However, to her surprise her dorm was on her side, regardless if it was for their Housewarden's honor, Yamane felt greatful to her dormates as they made sure she was alright.
She would not be an outcast for long though, she was the beloved Yamane Kagehina after all, there wasn't anyone who could truly hate her.

However despite how her life was beginning to gain a sense of normality, she still has a pondering thought. At the end of her trip she had reconciled with Sonia, there was even a hint that they were at the same page and shared similar feelings for eachother. But as of late Yamane had begun to question if those feelings could last and blossom into something lovely.

She had just left Sonia at her class, but they left on semi bad terms. Yamane was telling Sonia a story about her brother's and Junto that had irritated Sonia. This caused a small dispute because Yamane had sensed uneasy feelings withing Sonia and wanted to resolve it, something that Sonia responded with a snap and walked away. Yamane was left dumbfounded, she didn't understand why Sonia got so upset, and even more confused at why Sonia just walked off.

Yamane knew things would resolve themselves like they always did, Yamane would confront Sonia and Sonia would apologize, and not change anything about it....

That's when it hit Yamane...
"How long has this cycle been occuring?"

There has been numerous times in which Sonia had lashed out at Yamane causing hurt to both. Nothing would happen until Yamane confronted Sonia about it, then a pile of apologies would be given to Yamane, with her receiving them telling Sonia not to worry, that maybe they Both need to work on whatever "this" was. Sadly there was always another incident, and at some point the blame would be pointed at Yamane even though she would never be the one to get angry first.
In fact, she wouldn't even get angry, she'd be sad, she would extremely upset.

Honestly Yamane always struggled with these moments, often questioning herself, or just having to think of what to say in order not to upset Sonia.
It was a tiring process, but it was okay, if it was to be content with Sonia, it'd be alright.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sonia, why is it that you were upset earlier?" Yamane asked cautiously.

The two were in Yamane's dorm room, after a long day they decided to just relax.

"Oh that? It was nothing." Sonia responded dryly.

This upset Yamane, she was not gonna let this slide.

"But it was! You ran off, without saying anything."

Sonia's ears perked up. "What! Wanted me to say goodbye?! Fine I'm sorry for not bidding you adeiu." Her tail lashes furiously.

"Sonia..." Yamane looked dejected.

Sonia's eyes softened. "Look, that's not what I meant. It's just that you've, I don't know been distracted."

"Me distracted?" Yamane tilted her head.

Sonia looked away, "Yeah, you're constantly talking about Junto."

So that's what it was.

"I've only spoken about him because it has to do with my brothers?"

"Yeah well can't you talk about something else?"

"Sonia!-"

"And not Ryoto either! Not him, not Junto! I just miss when it was about us, about me."

Yamane felt a ripple in her heart.
"That's something Lucien would say..."

"Not him either Yamane! Can't you see that I only want you to see me!" Sonia stopped realizing what she just said...

Yamane looked terrified. "Sonia you can't... Sonia I have other friends, please don't make this hard."

"Why friends! Didn't I tell you I loved you! I want you too look only at me!"

"..."

"I want you to see me, the me I only show you, I want you to talk to me and no one else. And it can only be the side of me with you."

Yamane felt tears build up.

"You love me so you not?"

Yamane's heart dropped.

"I do love you... But you can't act like this."

"YAMANE."

"No! You sound exactly like him! Why Sonia!?." Tears began to roll down her face.

" I love you so much it hurts! Every day I think of you constantly, and that sounds lovely but it's not! I always have to walk on eggshells around you, I have to watch what I say, think of how you'll feel."

"..."

"Look, I don't know what you think, probably because you never tell me. But as far as I know, we're not dating! I do not belong to you, nor do I anyone. Yes jealousy is natural, I've felt it too, but you cannot restrict who I speak about."

"That's not it.." Sonia looked away ashamed knowing Yamane was right.

"Sonia. I love you, but I realize it's not gonna work."

Sonia began to gather herself.

"I believe it's best that we remain as friends, at least I'd like too." Yamane looked up at her hopefully, her face wet with tears. Her ears flattened.

"Sure, alright." Sonia had walked past her, leaving Diasomnia.

"Sonia?..." Yamane watched as the lioness disappeared.

Yamane closed her door, she made her way to Ryoto's room. Was it okay for me to do that...? It has to be... Right?

Notes:

Thank you for reading.

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