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Lan Wangji had seen a lot of strange things since marrying Wei Wuxian, but this was a first.
“You are saying that this small creature… is Wei Ying?”
A tiny flying squirrel, no larger than an apple, stared up at him from Lan Sizhui’s shaky palms.
There was a sparkly sheen to its long black fur, and a heart-shaped strand of hair stuck up from its round head like an antenna.
“Please forgive us, Hanguang-jun!” Lan Sizhui yelled out, his voice uncharacteristically shaken.
“First, calm down. Then tell me what happened,” Lan Wangji replied evenly.
“It’s all our fault,” Lan Sizhui explained between heavy sighs. His eyes were glued to the ground, weighed down by his immense guilt.
“Wei-qianbei took us on a night hunt. Everything was going perfectly fine, until…”
Lan Wangji tightly gripped Lan Sizhui’s shoulder and gave him a silent, reassuring nod. Lan Sizhui took another deep breath to compose himself before continuing his wild tale.
“…A strange creature attacked us out of nowhere. Wei-qianbei tried to protect us, and then… he was turned into a flying squirrel!”
Lan Sizhui could no longer fight his overwhelming guilt, and tears threatened to spill out of his quivering eyes.
“What kind of creature was it?” Lan Wangji asked.
“Wei-qianbei said that it was a shapeshifting ghost,” Lan Jingyi replied on behalf of his friend, who was too upset to speak any further.
Lan Wangji nodded in understanding. Shapeshifting ghosts were notorious for their ability to turn even the most fearsome of cultivators into harmless animals - typically hamsters, squirrels, and mice.
“It is alright. The spell will naturally break with time,” Lan Wangji responded in a calm voice that revived the spirits of his heartbroken juniors.
“R-Really!? Hanguang-jun, do you really mean it? Wei-qianbei is going to be alright?” Lan Sizhui asked in disbelief.
“Yes,” Lan Wangji replied, “but we must take care of him until he turns back. He is vulnerable in this form.”
He knelt down and reached out his hand to his husband-turned-squirrel.
“Wei Ying. Come here,” he spoke softly, looking at the little squirrel with deep love and compassion.
The squirrel happily leapt into his open palm and comfortably snuggled up against his long, slender fingers. He playfully climbed up his fingertips like a tree and lightly nibbled down.
“Do not play around,” Lan Wangji scolded him, though a light laugh escaped his lips. He carefully lifted the squirrel up and onto his shoulder.
“I will take care of him today. You two get some rest,” he ordered.
The pair of juniors breathed a deep sigh of relief for the first time all day. Seeing that their senior was in more than capable hands, they could finally relax.
They bowed deeply as Lan Wangji walked away, with his transformed husband nestled comfortably atop his broad shoulders.
***
The couple returned to the Tranquility Room, where Wei Wuxian swiftly perched himself on top of a luscious plant in the corner of the room, soaking up the rays of sunshine that bounced off his shimmery fur.
A faint smile spread across Lan Wangji’s face as he watched over his tiny husband.
“Wei Ying, are you hungry?”
The little squirrel nodded furiously, and Lan Wangji furrowed his brows in response.
Though he was well-versed in rabbits, he was entirely unfamiliar with the eating habits of squirrels. Even so, there was no way he would let his beloved husband go hungry.
He rifled through some of his drawers and pulled out a carrot, but he hesitated before handing it over.
Wei Wuxian was currently half the size of a rabbit. Would his little teeth be able to handle the crunch of the carrot? What if he quite literally bit off more than he could chew and choked to death?
Lan Wangji quickly concluded that the carrot wasn’t worth the risk and stuffed it back in his pockets.
He approached his husband and knelt down with a serious gaze.
“We will find something suitable for you in the kitchen,” he said, patiently holding out his hand. He tilted his head when Wei Wuxian didn’t immediately hop on.
“Wei Ying?”
The squirrel doubled down and dramatically flipped onto a big, leafy branch, wrapping himself up in its comfortable leaves. Lan Wangji immediately understood that Wei Wuxian was intent on staying behind to laze around.
“…Very well,” he responded with a sigh. “You may stay here. I will be right back. Do not leave this room,” he ordered firmly.
In his current state, Wei Wuxian was incredibly weak and could fall prey to a myriad of threats. Even one of the rabbits could squish him if he weren’t careful enough.
Wei Wuxian waved him off with his tiny little paws before closing his eyes. His breath slowed and steadied as he began snoozing away.
Seeing that his husband had fallen asleep, Lan Wangji felt safe enough to leave him alone for a few moments.
He quietly exited the room and softly closed the door behind him. Once he arrived in the kitchen, he quickly searched for a suitable spread for a flying squirrel.
A fresh head of lettuce immediately caught his eye. It was soft, could be broken into tiny pieces, and was most notably not a choking hazard. He nodded in approval and added it to his basket.
But lettuce alone was hardly a meal. Without a source of protein, Wei Wuxian would never be satisfied. Lan Wangji looked around for something suitable to accompany the fresh head of lettuce he’d acquired.
Fish was a given, but would it agree with a squirrel’s stomach? Red meat was a good alternative and was always to the human Wei Wuxian’s liking. But if cooked improperly, it might be too rough for such a tiny creature. He shook the idea aside and kept searching.
His eyes lightened up as he spied a fresh basket of walnuts sitting upon a table. Though Lan Wangji’s knowledge of squirrels was limited, he was quite confident that they liked to eat nuts.
All that was left was to add a little bit of fruit to balance out Wei Wuxian’s meal. He swiftly chopped an apple into large wedges but paused as he stared at them - Wei Wuxian might choke on those, too.
He invariably cut the apple into such tiny pieces that they would disintegrate with the lightest touch. He very carefully added them to his basket and smiled to himself. Wei Wuxian’s meal was ready.
His heart sank, however, when he returned to the Tranquility Room and saw no trace of his precious squirrel.
“... Wei Ying?” he called out, combing through the plant that Wei Wuxian had been sleeping in.
“Wei Ying,” he called again, this time a little louder.
His pulse quickened at the sight of an open window. Had he carelessly forgotten to close it before leaving? Had Wei Wuxian mischievously jumped out, flying into a world filled with dangerous predators?
A bead of sweat dripped down his face as he prepared to rush into the garden to search for his husband, but the soft sound of squeaking stopped him in his tracks.
He whirled around, carefully honing his hearing to trace the source. His steps carried him to a dresser in the corner, where the squeaking grew more distinct.
With one swift movement, he pried open the drawer and yanked out the mischievous creature that had hidden inside. Wei Wuxian squirmed around in his palms, and his big beady eyes squinted into happy little crescents.
Lan Wangji allowed himself a moment of relief. And after taking a deep breath to steady himself, he glared down at his husband.
“Wei Ying,” he called out in a low, firm voice. “Do not make me worry like this.”
His hands shook as he clutched onto the creature for dear life. He made a silent, internal dedication to not let Wei Wuxian out of his sights for the remainder of the spell.
He knew he wouldn’t get a response, but he still silently glared down at his mischievous husband-turned-squirrel to reaffirm his disappointment.
To his surprise, Wei Wuxian squirmed himself out of his tightly clenched fist and scampered up his arms. His eyes quivered as he pressed his tiny wet nose against Lan Wangji’s face. The soft sensation of his pillowy fur tickled Lan Wangji’s cheeks, naturally softening his stern expression.
Lan Wangji breathed another sigh of relief before scooping up the creature into his palms once more.
“Come. You must eat,” he said softly, all traces of anger gone from his voice.
He gently placed Wei Wuxian on the table and arranged the ingredients he had so diligently gathered.
His eyes lit up with pride as Wei Wuxian happily scurried about, eagerly munching down on the refreshing spread of food. Once he was satisfied that Wei Wuxian wouldn’t choke on anything, he helped himself to a few pieces.
The couple enjoyed their food together in comfortable silence. Lan Wangji couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a meal this quiet.
He’d always chided Wei Wuxian for his rowdy behavior, but the playful man was hellbent on ignoring the rules about taking food in silence and insisted on talking loudly whenever he ate.
The silence in this moment was almost deafening, and Lan Wangji suddenly found himself missing Wei Wuxian’s endless chatter. He smiled softly, looking forward to all the things his husband would eagerly share with him during their next meal.
***
After lunch, the couple enjoyed a leisurely stroll through the Cloud Recesses. The spring air was light and breezy, carrying with it the soft scent of the magnolia trees.
Wei Wuxian was comfortably perched on his husband’s head, clinging to his headpiece like a sturdy pillar of support. Lan Wangji paid no mind to the wide-eyed stares of the disciples that he passed along the way.
Though they still dutifully bowed out of respect, they couldn’t hide their shock. Their respected senior had apparently swapped out his squirrely husband for an actual squirrel of some sorts and was comfortably parading around with it on his head, his ever stoic face remaining as serious as ever.
Lan Wangji slowed down as he spotted Lan Xichen approaching from a distance. He gracefully bowed to acknowledge his brother, but he held his head higher than usual to ensure that Wei Wuxian wouldn’t come tumbling down.
“Xiongzhang,” he said seriously, cupping his fists.
Lan Xichen smiled softly, then tilted his head to the side.
“Hello, Wangji. It’s rare to see you without Wei-gongzi,” he said, taking a few steps forward. He quirked his eyebrows at the sight of the tiny creature playing around in Lan Wangji’s hair. “And who is this little one?”
Lan Wangji faltered, unsure of whether or not to admit the truth. From what he knew of the shapeshifter’s curse, Wei Wuxian would return to normal within 24 hours. He ultimately concluded that it wasn’t worth troubling his older brother over and opted to keep his answers vague.
“Wei Ying went on a night hunt. And this is a flying squirrel,” he responded evenly. The little creature waved its little palms at Lan Xichen’s friendly face.
“It’s quite adorable,” Lan Xichen said with a smile. “Your rabbits may get a little jealous.”
Lan Xichen was all too accustomed to his little brother’s obsession with small animals and had even taken a liking to them himself. He slowly reached out his hand and scratched the squirrel’s back. Wei Wuxian leaned into his gentle touch and rolled around, seemingly delighted in the attention.
He suddenly jumped up, ran down the length of Lan Xichen’s outstretched arm, and comfortably curled up between the flaps of his robes.
Lan Xichen quickly moved to support the tiny creature and held him tightly against his chest.
“I think this little one has taken a liking to me,” he said softly, a light smile stretched across his face. He stroked the animal’s fur a few more times.
His pleased face suddenly twisted into confusion when he looked up and met Lan Wangji’s fearsome, piercing gaze.
“Wangji? What’s wrong? Why do you look so irritated?” he asked innocently.
Lan Wangji didn’t offer any words in response - he simply stomped over and yanked the creature right out of Lan Xichen’s arms.
“Please excuse us, xiongzhang. We were just headed to the garden,” he said with a polite bow, though the anger flickering in his eyes still lingered like a burning flame.
Lan Xichen was left utterly perplexed as Lan Wangji angrily shuffled away, shielding the little squirrel from his view. He ultimately shrugged it off and continued on his leisurely stroll.
Lan Wangji held the squirrel even tighter than usual as he marched into the garden.
“You cannot jump into other people’s arms like that,” he said.
His pale eyes were still clouded with anger. As if sensing the irritation in his voice, Wei Wuxian offered him a few playful nuzzles. But Lan Wangji just kept glaring at him.
“Wei Ying. I am being serious.”
Seeing that his attempts to placate Lan Wangji had failed, Wei Wuxian scurried away and leapt into a tree. He moved his tiny little limbs with a fury and climbed to the top of the tree in a flash, before Lan Wangji had a chance to catch him.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji’s deep voice bellowed from the ground, “what are you doing?”
But the little squirrel simply shook his little butt in response before climbing just a little bit higher.
Lan Wangji took another firm step forward.
“Come down here,” he ordered.
The squirrel took another provocative leap up the tree, easily hiding himself behind a large leaf.
“Wei Ying, listen to me. You must come down,” Lan Wangji said, his voice a bit firmer and louder than normal.
He was so focused on scolding the little creature that he didn’t notice the soft sound of approaching footsteps. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi stood silently, watching in complete confusion as Lan Wangji yelled at a tree.
“Um, Hanguang-jun? Is everything alright?”
Lan Wangji silently shook his head and pointed towards the tree. The juniors squinted as they searched around, and their eyes widened with disbelief when they finally found what Lan Wangji was looking at.
“Wei-qianbei?! What are you doing up there? Please come back down!” Lan Sizhui shouted to no avail. The squirrel closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep.
“Get down here. Now,” Lan Wangji ordered once more. The low, harsh tone in his voice made even the juniors jump back a little.
“Wei-qianbei, I think you should listen to Hanguang-jun! It’s dangerous up there!” Lan Sizhui shouted.
To his side, Lan Jingyi crossed his arms and grumbled.
“Why is he like this no matter what form he takes?” he complained. It was easy to picture the human version of Wei Wuxian doing the exact same thing.
The three cultivators came to a standoff with the squirrel. No matter how much they tried to tempt him with treats, Wei Wuxian refused to leave his comfortable spot.
Lan Wangji was prepared to mount Bichen and force his disobedient husband to come back down when a particularly strong gust of wind nearly knocked him over.
His robes bellowed along with the gales, and he shielded his eyes from the harsh wind whipping his face.
When he opened his eyes, they widened in disbelief.
Wei Wuxian had finally moved and was perched precariously at the edge of a branch. He stood on his hind legs, enjoying the caress of the wind against his long fur.
He looked down at Lan Wangji one last time before closing his eyes and boldly leaping into the air.
Like a sail carrying a boat along the ocean, Wei Wuxian’s wings carried him high into the air. He floated comfortably along the treeline, as if he were leisurely dancing in the sky. And as the gusts picked up, his tiny body was propelled forward with impressive speed.
Lan Wangji panicked as his husband flew farther out of his reach.
His life flashed before his eyes as he imagined all the terrible places Wei Wuxian could land in. There was a river nearby - could flying squirrels swim? And what about the other animals in the area? Would they see him as a tasty treat and chomp down the second he landed?
“Wei Ying!” he cried out, erupting in a desperate dash to catch him.
Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi immediately trailed behind him. They channeled all their energy into their screams in a last ditch attempt to bring their unruly senior back down.
“Wei-qianbei! Wei-qianbeiii!”
The three cultivators recognized the futility of chasing on foot, and they swiftly mounted their swords and raced into the air. But even that was no match for the speed at which the tiny creature sliced through the sky.
Their frantic pursuit carried them down the mountainside, well out of the safety of the Cloud Recesses. They never relented, propelled by their burning desire to protect Wei Wuxian from certain doom.
And eventually, like a blessing from the heavens, the tremendous gales slowed into light gusts before stopping altogether.
Without force propelling him forward, the flying squirrel’s dance through the air came to a slow crawl. Sensing the change, he dramatically nosedived towards the ground with terrifying speed.
Lan Wangji frantically called out his husband's name over and over again, hoping he could safely catch him in his arms before he plummeted to the ground.
But he was too late.
All the color drained from Lan Wangji’s face as he watched the squirrel tumble towards the ground before completely disappearing from view.
He leapt off his sword and ran into the tangled brush, combing through bushes and branches in a frantic search for his husband.
“Wei Ying! Where are you?” he called relentlessly, clawing his way through all kinds of plants. “Wei Ying!”
His hands froze at the sound of a familiar hearty chuckle, followed by the sweetest sound in the world - Wei Wuxian’s voice.
“Lan Zhan! If you cry for me that desperately, it’s gonna make me wanna do dirty things!” the voice teased.
Life returned to Lan Wangji’s eyes as he gazed at Wei Wuxian, who was completely unharmed - and notably human again. However, his relief quickly morphed into confusion.
Given the timeframe that the juniors provided, Wei Wuxian would return to his normal form the next day at the earliest.
Yet there he was, comfortably leaning against the trunk of a tree without a care in the world. Several empty jugs of The Emperor’s Smile were piled at his feet. Wei Wuxian could outdrink anyone, but even he would struggle to polish off that many jugs in such a short timeframe.
Lan Wangji frowned as the puzzle started to come together. The final piece of incriminating evidence was sitting comfortably in Wei Wuxian’s lap.
There was no mistaking it - the squirrel snuggling up to Wei Wuxian was the one that had just led Lan Wangji on one of the most stressful chases of his life.
Before he had a chance to confront his mischievous husband, the two exasperated juniors finally caught up to him. They breathed heavily and leaned against their knees for support, but the sight staring back at them knocked them both to the ground.
“Wei-qianbei?!”
“Mm, that’s me! You guys look terrible. What the hell happened?” Wei Wuxian asked casually, giving the squirrel a few sweet scratches.
“Wei-qianbei… you’re not a flying squirrel?!”
Wei Wuxian tilted his head before bursting out into laughter.
“Did you guys eat something strange? Why the hell would you think that?” he asked.
“But the shapeshifter… there was a puff of smoke… and then, and then,” Lan Sizhui spoke frantically, “this flying squirrel was all that was left of you!”
“Oh, that? That’s easy. I just took the opportunity to run away during all the chaos. You guys really work your qianbei to the bone during these night hunts, you know? I dealt with our little ghost friend after you high-tailed it back home. And then I figured I’d take a well-deserved break,” he said, gesturing to all the alcohol jars pooling at his feet.
“But then… where did the flying squirrel come from?” Lan Sizhui asked.
“The forest? How the hell should I know?” Wei Wuxian casually responded with a shrug.
Lan Jingyi sighed deeply and pinched his forehead.
“...I should have known better. I can’t believe we just wasted a whole day worrying about this,” he said, glaring at his unruly senior. “Wei-qianbei, you should apologize to Hanguang-jun! He spent the whole day chasing after you - I mean, this squirrel.”
His words seemed to bring great joy to Wei Wuxian. He laughed as he held the creature out in Lan Wangji’s direction to taunt him.
“Lan Zhan, tell me honestly… did you really think this squirrel was me?”
Lan Wangji’s silence and subtle blush gave Wei Wuxian all the answers he needed. His lips twisted into a mischievous smile, and he slapped his thigh a few times in laughter.
“Oh god, that is too damn funny! Lan Zhan, I bet you had one hell of a day,” he said. His eyes suddenly went wide, and he pouted a little bit as he clutched the squirrel to his chest.
“Wait a second… if you thought this little guy was me, then that means…Lan Zhan, don’t tell me - did you cheat on me with a flying squirrel?!”
Wei Wuxian couldn’t keep up his fake displeasure, and he cackled as the ludicrous words rolled off his tongue.
Lan Wangji tightly clenched his fists at his sides. He took a few deep breaths before marching over to his husband’s side.
“Shameless,” he mumbled, gently stealing the squirrel out of Wei Wuxian’s hands.
He looked fondly at the creature, giving it a few gentle pats before lifting it up towards a swooping tree branch. The squirrel gave his hand one last nudge before happily scampering up to the treetops where it belonged.
Seeing that the squirrel had been safely taken care of, it was time to deal with his actual husband.
Lan Wangji had just spent the day with a flying squirrel, and he handled Wei Wuxian in the same way. He effortlessly slung him over his shoulders and silently stormed back up the mountain, leaving the stunned juniors behind.
Wei Wuxian flailed his arms and legs around, though Lan Wangji could tell that his protests were just for show.
“Lan Zhan? Are you mad at me? I don’t think I did anything wrong, though. It’s not my fault you thought I was an animal, you know? Although, I can’t say I blame you. I’d make a really cute flying squirrel, wouldn’t I?”
Lan Wangji exhaled a deep sigh and tightened his grip around Wei Wuxian’s wild limbs.
“If you were safe, you should have returned home sooner,” he said sternly.
“Didn’t feel like it. It seemed like a good opportunity to screw around. And you should have seen the looks on the kids’ faces when they thought I turned into a damn rodent. It was fuckin’ hilarious!”
Lan Wangji’s hurried footsteps suddenly came to a screeching halt.
“...Wei Ying, you… planned all of this?”
Wei Wuxian chuckled loudly, giving Lan Wangji’s back a few hearty smacks.
“Of course I did! You know me. When that shapeshifter ghost showed up, I figured I’d play a tiny little prank. At first, I thought I’d just hide myself and pretend to go missing. But then I saw that little squirrel, and well… you know the rest. And damn, did the kiddos eat it up!”
The memory seemed to stir up Wei Wuxian’s excitement even more, and his hearty laughter grew even louder.
“I didn’t expect that even the great Hanguang-jun would fall for my tricks, though. C’mon, Lan Zhan - tell me. How did you feel when you thought I turned into a squirrel?”
Lan Wangji silently sighed, trying his best to ignore his husband’s playful taunts as he picked up his pace.
“Lan Zhan? Where are we going?” Wei Wuxian asked.
“Back to the Tranquility Room.”
“To do what? Wait, lemme guess. A day without me and you’re already missing my touch? Lan Zhan, you’re such a needy man,” he teased, wrapping his fingers around Lan Wangji’s headband.
Though he was irritated, Lan Wangji couldn’t deny the immense feeling of relief radiating through his entire body. Wei Wuxian was safe. He wasn’t a squirrel anymore - or ever - which meant he was a little more durable.
And that durability would come in handy, since Lan Wangji had some interesting "punishments" planned for his mischievous husband who had dared to play such a prank and make him worry - punishments that would only work on a human.