Chapter Text
it was no secret to the members of bangtan just how gone one min yoongi was for a park jimin.
yoongi, as much as he prides himself on being calm and composed most of the time, he has a tell when it comes to a certain redhead, and he’s not as smart as the members think he is if he thinks no one’s going to notice.
//
“hyung,” a grunt of acknowledgement.
“yoongi hyung,” taehyung repeats.
“what,” yoongi deadpans, not even looking up from his phone to look at the younger.
taehyung squawks, feeling a bit offended and out of place; is a game more important than a hungry and bored dongsaeng?
“yes,” yoongi says, “go away.”
it takes taehyung a second to realize he said that out loud.
“hyung~,” the younger drawls, and let it be known right here and right now that taehyung is not above using any and all kinds of toe-curling aegyo to get what he wants. “come on,”
yoongi looks up from his phone a minute later, the screen flashing a “game over” in big block letters, although not without an unimpressed glare directed at taehyung. but a hungry taehyung is a determined taehyung, the younger prides himself in this, so he pulls on more ridiculous faces, throwing out a pout or two, until yoongi’s previously blank face morphs into disgust, and hah, taehyung knows he’s won.
he leaves the room with a rectangular red mark on his cheek from when yoongi hit him with his card, but whatever, he’s the one currently holding said card, and he’s in the mood for some meat.
sorry, yoongi hyung.
the next week finds taehyung in the same room, pestering the same hyung, but at least now, he’s got jimin as a comrade and both of them are really, really hungry. like, no kidding.
this time, though, just one drawn out call of his name is all it takes for yoongi to sigh and just give up his whole wallet to jimin. jimin considerably brightens up, considering the food he’s been dreaming of just minutes ago is now a very possible reality, and jimin runs out of the room, but not before throwing a cheerful “thanks, hyung!” to yoongi’s way and a “faster, idiot,” to taehyung’s.
any other time, taehyung would’ve ran out to jimin before the last syllable came out of his mouth, but now is not any other time. right now, taehyung was too busy being dumbfounded to take a single step, and is instead frozen, mouth hanging open at yoongi, because, because, because-
why didn’t jimin have to suffer through every form of aegyo in the books, and taehyung did? where is the justice in the system? taehyung internally pouts, but outside, his mouth is still hanging open.
it takes a whole minute of taehyung gaping before yoongi snaps. “run along, taehyung, before i take it back,” and no, that is absolutely Not Fine, so taehyung scampers off but not before shooting one last disbelieving look over his shoulder to a hyung that - wow, okay, - is unsurprisingly turned back to his game.
why were yoongi’s cheeks so red, though?
taehyung just shrugs it off and blames it on the heat - because what else could be the reason? - and runs to catch up with jimin, disbelief now being replaced by excitement, because hell yeah, free food.
//
namjoon’s stressing out.
seokjin told him to stop it, but he can’t help it.
namjoon is stressing the fuck out.
their deadline for the new songs was looming closer and closer, but he hasn’t finished anything worth turning into a song. god, comebacks are really hard; he thought he had the hang of it now, after having several comebacks, but no, apparently he hasn’t, not yet. which is why namjoon is currently bemoaning his entire existence, (he always was a drama queen, the members could attest to that), but then he remembers his fans - their fans – and their dedication and how much they love the music they make, and that clears up namjoon’s mind just enough for him to think of going into yoongi’s studio and see if the older has finished anything worth showing to bang pd.
when namjoon’s made his way to yoongi’s studio, he finds that the door’s slightly ajar, just a sliver of light coming out, but it was enough to peak namjoon’s curiosity and get him to stop.
yoongi never leaves doors open, it was a pet peeve of his, and every member knew that.
momentary confusion fills namjoon’s head, but he quickly brushes it off, it’s just a door, jesus, why is he making a big deal out of this, and it was probably just left open because yoongi neglected to close it.
but just to make sure, namjoon peeks through the crack in the doorway, and what he sees makes him pause.
there, asleep on the couch yoongi has in his studio, - for convenience, yoongi said – lies park jimin, head on yoongi’s lap of all places, and yoongi’s carding his fingers through the younger’s hair, and namjoon is taken aback by the sheer affection he sees in yoongi’s actions and the slight smile adorning his lips.
namjoon suddenly feels like he’s intruding on a private moment, which is weird, because it’s just yoongi and jimin, but he still can’t find the strength to disturb them both, so he backs away from the door as quietly as a god of destruction can, as to not disturb the two.
namjoon finds himself smiling, and he shakes his head, and he makes the way to his own studio. the songs could wait, yoongi was busy.
//
comeback preparation period is always hectic, hoseok knows this for a fact. they’ve been in the industry for two years now, going on three, it’s impossible that he’s not used to it, but he still can’t get over how hectic and busy and nerve-wracking it can actually get.
due to the aforementioned hectic schedules, the members’ usually toned-down tempers come out to play.
currently, the members are gathered in their practice room, going over the steps their choreographer taught them. not to brag, but hoseok’s got the dance down pat, due to the extra hours he spends in this very same room when the members are already at their dorm.
he can’t say the same for the others, though. like jimin, for example.
anyone within a meter’s radius of the redhead can feel the frustration rolling off of him in waves. this is because ever since they started practicing, around the two-minute mark of the song where the footwork gets kind of quicker, jimin keeps tripping and messing up. and everyone’s kind of worried because jimin is the type of person who would beat himself up for a simple misstep, and right now, hoseok can already foresee the added hours jimin will spend in this same room practicing over and over and over again just because he can’t get one step right.
and it hurts hoseok, because he knows jimin’s insecurities, especially since he can also see the hate some of their so-called “fans” keep sending jimin’s way. because of them, jimin strives to better himself and sometimes, he goes too far, and it’s not healthy anymore. hoseok knows his concern for jimin is shared by the other members, considering the furtive glances they keep shooting at jimin’s form.
so hoseok pauses the song that’s playing, and raises his voice to be heard over the other members’ noises of confusion. “let’s take five,” but hoseok halts, then he tacks on a “make it ten.”
groans of relief come from the members’ mouths, so hoseok knows they’re grateful for the much-needed break after an hour straight of non-stop practice. this break wasn’t for the members, though. it was for jimin. well, it’s obvious the others needed the break too, of course, but it was jimin who needed it most. so hoseok also sits down and closes his eyes, composing a speech inside his head to convince jimin that he was perfect just the way he is, and to not let one silly mistake get him down.
but just before hoseok walks over to where jimin is sat, he finds that a certain blond is already there.
yoongi is currently hunched over where jimin is, obscuring the redhead from hoseok’s view. he can see yoongi whispering some words to jimin that are no doubt comforting, and hoseok is surprised.
hoseok is surprised, because yoongi is the one who almost never talks on shows because he is adamant he is not good with words, but here he is, looking at jimin like he was an angel on earth, like he was the only sun in yoongi’s universe, like he’s the only thing he could focus on.
oh.
oh, shit.
hoseok looks away, because he knows jimin is in good hands now, and he finds the energy to smile a little smile and when taehyung throws a questioning look his way, he just grins and says, “you’ll find out soon enough.”
//
jeongguk is a quiet person.
well, not really, but compared to the sunshine line, as the fans had dubbed them, he was a quiet person.
on broadcasts, he doesn’t draw attention to himself unless absolutely necessary. on skits, he doesn’t really speak unless prompted or if he’s being directly talked to by a hyung.
so yes, jeongguk was a quiet person.
it wasn’t really a disadvantage, though. in fact, it bring quite a lot of benefits for the youngest, one of them being the ability to observe.
because of this, jeongguk finds out a lot about his fellow members that aren’t necessarily important, but sometimes, they are; like how seokjin hyung always talks to the members when he feels like they need someone to talk to; like how namjoon hyung never leaves his studio until midnight; like how quickly hoseok hyung leaves his bubbly persona behind when he’s onstage, quickly being replaced by j-hope, the dancer.
like how yoongi’s gaze always lingers a bit too long on jimin, especially when jimin foregoes a shirt and walks around the dorm.
like how jimin’s already wide smile widens just a bit more when yoongi enters the room.
he also observes how jimin looks at yoongi like he hung the stars and how yoongi treats jimin like he’s made of glass.
(ew, this makes him sound like a creep, and jeongguk wasn’t a poet, damn it, where were these words coming from, but,)
it was a dance, jeongguk muses, it was a dance where only jeongguk is the only one hearing the music, but jimin and yoongi know the steps perfectly without even knowing they do.
it was tiring, honestly, how they keep tiptoeing around each other, both afraid of how the other will think, both afraid of ruining a perfectly good friendship by the prospect of something more. both not knowing that if one of them had the bravery and took the plunge, the other one would be at the bottom to catch him.
jeongguk was tired, and he wasn’t even the one playing the game.
and it shouldn’t be amusing to jeongguk, really, he was happy for them, but when will his hyungs learn? weren’t they supposed to be wiser since they were older? jeongguk plays with the idea of acting matchmaker. maybe they both just need a push in the right direction (a shove, really, these two were so oblivious jeongguk is in Real Actual Pain and maybe divine intervention is what it would take), but nah, jeongguk thinks,
where’s the fun in that?
//
seokjin was famous for his looks, not his dancing skills. well, he was famous for that too, but not in the way he wants to be.
seokjin was also famous for the well-known fact among their fans that he was the mother in their little band of seven.
he takes pride in this fact, preens like a real mother hen when it’s acknowledged by anyone, really, and yeah, he isn’t embarrassed at all. he takes the title to heart, just like how he takes the visual title.
being the aforementioned resident mother of the group, seokjin’s developed a sixth sense for when one of his kids - yoongi is going to kill him if he finds out seokjin calls him a kid in his mind, but yoongi will never find out - is in trouble, or is having some trouble. mothers know best, after all.
(it comes with the title.)
and he’s been picking up on something weird with yoongi. the blond’s been acting different lately, and seokjin’s confused.so seokjin, like any good mother and friend would do, decides to confront yoongi about it.
“yoongi?” seokjin tentatively calls out from the kitchen.
“hm?” the reply came from the living room, so seokjin makes his way over there.
“yoongi, we need to–“ yoongi cuts him off with a finger to his lips, signaling for seokjin to tone it down, hyung, gesturing to jimin’s currently sleeping form laid on the couch with his head on yoongi’s lap, letting out a light snore every once in a while.
“what did you need, hyung,” yoongi says in a small voice, fixing his eyes on seokjin.
“we need to talk, yoongi,” seokjin replies in a much quieter voice than before, unable to tear his eyes from the sight of jimin practically cuddling into yoongi and the older just letting it happen. this is Not Normal Yoongi Behavior. normal is yoongi pushing away any form of physical affection because he values his personal space, but what he's seeing right now makes him doubt what he knows.
“about?” yoongi prompts, and seokjin forces himself to look into yoongi’s eyes, because yeah, he thinks he understands now, understands the look in yoongi’s eyes when they land on jimin, understands the longing in them when jimin laughs, when jimin does anything, really, and he thinks he sees the same look in them right now.
he understands, not completely, but he does. he can’t say he’s surprised, though. yoongi always did have a soft spot for this particular dongsaeng.
“you love him, don’t you?” it was phrased as a question, but it wasn’t one, and yoongi knows it, seokjin knows it, the whole world knows it.
a few seconds of silence, and seokjin fidgets uncomfortably in his place because, yeah, he just assumed that yoongi was in love with a fellow member, and maybe he’s overstepped a line, oh god, maybe yoongi’s mad-
“everybody loves jimin, don't they?”
seokjin doesn’t know what to say, but he goes with “we both know that’s not what i meant, yoongi.”
a pause. for a second, a minute, a day, seokjin doesn’t know.
“yeah,”
he almost misses the quiet reply yoongi gave, almost missing it over the loud din of his panicked thoughts, almost.
he doesn’t, though.
“yeah,” yoongi continues, looking at jimin again, “i do,”
//
yoongi doesn’t really know the exact moment it happened. he doesn’t even know if there’s an exact moment at all. as far as he can tell, the attraction has always, always been there. even before debut, before jimin threw himself even more into working out to lose the baby fat he’s convinced makes him less desirable, yoongi’s always found himself drawn to the charm jimin just naturally exudes.
he doesn’t know when the simple and easy attraction turned into this, though.
this being,
the tightening he feels in his chest when the younger is near;
the inability to tear his eyes away from jimin when he’s smiling that smile that gets yoongi smitten every damn time;
the sudden urge to wrap jimin in an embrace and never let go every time the younger so much as turns the corners of his lips down, and most of all;
the burning he feels for hours later after it happens, every time jimin brushes even just a goddamn finger against him.
maybe, the voice in his head taunts, sounding just a bit exasperated¸maybe it was right there even from the start.
maybe, it teases even more, maybe you’re just afraid to accept it.
yoongi doesn’t know. he never acknowledged it, because acknowledging it only makes it realer, and he knows he’s not ready for that.
he knows the complications of loving your band member, and yes, there it is, the l-word, because yoongi knows he loves jimin, has been in love with jimin for probably a year now, and yes, maybe the voice in his head is right, maybe yoongi’s afraid to accept it because he’s afraid of being rejected, he’s afraid of knowing that his feelings aren’t reciprocated back.
yoongi knows that’s not the only reason, though.
he knows that maybe at the start, when this was just beginning, that’s what he was afraid of, the sting of rejection. but yoongi wasn’t stupid. yoongi can see that for every longing glance he sends to jimin, jimin gives one right back. he’s noticed how every touch lingers; he’s noticed that every time jimin needs someone to talk to, he comes to yoongi; he’s noticed the soft tone that jimin’s voice takes on when he’s talking to yoongi-
and goddamn if this knowledge doesn’t knock him off of his feet every time.
yes, before, he was afraid his feelings would be brushed off, that they would be ignored because it would make things too awkward, and why couldn’t yoongi keep his feelings to himself?
but that was before, and the now finds him afraid that jimin actually likes him back and he doesn’t know if they’re both ready for that. he doesn’t know if the group is ready for that at all.
idiot, the voice in his head tells him, you stupid idiot.
yoongi frowns at this, because did his subconscious just call him an idiot-
the blond shakes his head at this, because he’s practically talking to himself, and talking to one’s self is not normal, so yoongi decides to talk to another person instead. maybe then he’ll know the right thing to do once and for all.
and who better to talk to than their esteemed leader and future philosopher kim namjoon?
“yah, namjoon,” yoongi nudges the younger currently sprawled over the couch with his foot.
“ugh, what,” namjoon’s groan is muffled, courtesy of him shoving his face deeper into the cushions, trying to avoid social interaction until he’s gotten enough sleep.
“am i an idiot?” yoongi asks him, a questioning tone taking over his voice.
this question is apparently enough to get namjoon’s complete attention and to get him to raise his head from the slump it’s currently in.
“what?” namjoon’s voice is disbelieving, like he couldn’t quite grasp the idea of yoongi asking that.
“i asked,” yoongi enunciates each word, speaking like he would to a five-year old, “if i’m an idiot.”
namjoon clearly hesitates, weighing the options in his mind, before going for the safer one, “why do you ask?”
he’s deprived any real answer for a minute, instead getting a shove from yoongi to get him to sit up. namjoon complies, but not without a grumble.
the blond sits down on the now namjoon-free portion of the couch, leaning back to rest his head on the back of it.
“hypothetically,” yoongi starts again, refusing to look at namjoon, “just hypothetically, imagine this,”
“what?” namjoon prompts, because it’s obvious that he’s confused as hell and yoongi is holding back from giving any real answers.
“remember that this is hypothetical, oka-“
“yes, hyung, hypothetical, I know,” yoongi can feel namjoon roll his eyes even if he isn’t looking. he wishes namjoon would go blind.
“hypothetically-“ a glare from namjoon, so yoongi continues, “a guy loves another guy.”
“what’s wrong with that?” defensiveness colours namjoon’s tone of voice, and he can actually feel namjoon’s glare intensifying without even looking.
“nothing, namjoon, let me finish,” now it’s yoongi’s turn to turn his head to the side and shoot a glare at the younger. namjoon deflates instantly, waving his hand as if to say go on.
“so a guy loves another guy, and the first guy thinks that the second guys loves him back.”
“what’s the problem, then?"
”the problem is,” yoongi’s panicking a bit now, the slight urgency in his tone becoming more pronounced, “the problem is they’re both in an idol group and having a relationship is clearly impossible and a lot of eyes are on them, and if they pursued a relationship, it would ruin the group’s dynamics, right? it would ruin the group and then oh god,” yoongi’s eyes widen, “oh god, the members would hate them! namjoon, they would!”
“are you-” yoongi can see that namjoon hesitates for the second time that day, but namjoon clears his throat and continues, “are you sure this is hypothetical, hyung?”
fuck.
“yes, it is, namjoon, haven’t i made that clear already,” yoongi is embarrassed, he can feel that his cheeks are going red at how obvious his lie is, but if namjoon senses it, he doesn’t comment on it.
“okay then.”
“so?!”
namjoon must have sensed the growing panic in yoongi’s voice, because he quickly makes up for his lack of proper response.
“what i meant to say is, hyung,” namjoon quickly amends, “is that the first guy isn’t even sure that the second guy loves him yet,”
yoongi’s heart breaks, “but,” the younger continues, “how would he know if he won’t tell the second guy? so maybe the first guy needs to confess,”
huh, that makes sense. why hadn’t he thought of that? he should’ve thought of that. maybe yoongi really was an idiot.
“and as for the group dynamics,” namjoon wasn’t finished yet, but he’s smiling now, with dimples and everything, as if to reassure yoongi but it still gives him an uneasy feeling, like namjoon knows something he doesn’t. “i’m sure i don’t mind, and the others won’t, too.”
still smiling, the leader stands up, excusing himself because i remembered i have some stuff to do, and yoongi lets him go with a nod and a thanks, too busy mulling over namjoon’s advice.
then the older realizes what namjoon said. his eyes go wide again, and he swears he’s going to die from the heat taking over his face.
“KIM NAMJOON!” he bellows, because no way in hell.
he thinks he can hear namjoon’s evil cackling even through the walls. fucker.
//
even if he’s still annoyed at namjoon, yoongi decides that he’s right. he’s been basing all of his worries on assumptions and the only way to clear up his confusion is if he tells jimin how he feels, and according to namjoon, the members won’t mind anyway, so that’s one thing off of his shoulders.
the only thing left now is to figure out how exactly does he tell jimin?
how do you tell the boy you’ve loved for a year that you love him, and maybe, if he allows it, that you want to love him for years more?