Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Trapped. You’re trapped.

With your back against the hot tarmac the wreckage of what used to be a car bears down heavy upon your leg and you can feel your bones screaming in protest. You struggle to breathe through the pain and the smell of gasoline as you fight to pull free but all you get for your efforts is pain and the sight of blood pooling beneath your limb. Too heavy. The twisted metal frame is far too heavy for you to move even though you use every ounce of strength you have (and then some). You were stupid to think you had a chance, dashing into range to draw his ire in order for Julia to have any chance at a successful attack but where is she now? Nowhere that you can see and though your range of vision is limited from where you lay prone against the street you hear the heavy footsteps of a nightmare stalking closer.

And he is laughing.

You tear desperately at the rubble around you but all that does is rip the fabric of your gloves and you still can’t get free and you’re going to die here. You can feel the vibrations throughout your entire body as he takes his time getting to you and in your panic you start pulling at your leg and it hurts. You almost whiteout from the agony but it soon fades to a numbness amidst all the other pain and the jagged metal you feel embedded in your thigh. You hope it hasn’t hit anything vital. Not that it matters when you’re facing down your death as a hulking shadow begins to loom over you.

Are you crying? You think you are. You can feel your face burning and you’re glad even you can’t hear your cries through the haunting melody of a madman’s laugh.

You can’t die here. You won’t die. You can’t. It’s not fair!

A sharp sound pierces the air and through your haze of panic you recognize it as the telltale zap of Ortega’s electricity. You don’t know where she is but she must be close by and you watch as above you Psychopathor’s armor ceases to function, the giant himself locking up, before the solid wall of mass that is his form sways slightly before starting to fall.

Right towards you.

He falls against the wreckage and the stinging in your leg becomes a fire as the frame shifts and jolts above you. You scream in pain as the shard of metal digs deeper into your thigh before the uneven positioning of the debris causes Psychopathor’s body to roll to the side before coming to rest face down on the street. You fall back against the ground from the half-curled position the pain had forced your body into and somewhere close by you hear more footsteps. Though these ones you recognize as you do the voice of worry that accompanies them.

“Sidestep!?”

The relief that floods through you is almost enough to make you pass out but as Julia comes into your view and you see the fear on her face, you feel like she’s had enough scares for one day. And she does look scared. More so than you have ever seen her and is that because she was so close to dying? Or because you were?

She struggles to lift the wreckage from you but with a strength borne from fear and desperation (assisted by the adrenaline that must still course through her body as it does yours) she manages to haul the crumbled car upwards and off your fragile frame. As soon as you feel the pressure on your leg lift you pull yourself clear of the scene. The ground beneath you shudders as the weight is dropped yet still you somehow manage to get  to your feet and you know your luck for the year must have been used up to keep your leg intact. When you turn to look at Julia she’s wearing a smile though the expression doesn’t quite reach her eyes and you can see the way her hands shake despite the balled up shape her fists have taken. She looks at you as if you had died and been reborn right in front of her and the expression she wears is far too honest for you to bear.

“Jules I’m fine,” a stilted laugh leaves your lips and you know you look a picture. Uniform torn, blood running down your leg and body leaning to one side, “Trust me I-“ you go to take a step towards her and it turns out you’re not as fine as you claimed to be. You barely put any weight on your injured leg and yet pain shoots through you and you hiss out a curse as you stumble forwards. But you do not fall.

Muscled arms of tan catch you by the shoulders and hold you upright and though you wouldn’t dare to admit it out loud, the warmth of her touch is a great comfort. Something to ground you as the smell of ash and burnt circuitry hangs in the air.

“Are you okay?” her voice rumbles low, soft and sweet and though you pull away a tad to meet her eye her hands do not leave you.

“Could be worse,” you chuckle before you clear your throat, “Thank you.”

“For what?” comes the confused reply.

“For coming to save me.”

You watch her confusion morph into delight before changing once more as her brows pull close in a frown. You go to speak but there’s something about the space between you that you feel words would shatter and so you stay silent and watch as one of Julia’s hands move from your shoulder. She seems to hesitate stopping just before her fingers leave you before they find you again as she touches your cheek oh so gently. Her fingers run down your jawline and stop briefly at your chin before dipping down and skirting the length of your neck then stopping as they reach the base of your mask. You shiver. But that is the only movement you make as you let her roll up the fabric to the bridge of your nose.

The air is a blessing upon your sweat-stained face and when you take a breath all you can smell is her. Which isn’t surprising. Considering she’s moved so close that your noses are almost touching. Her hands are cupping your face and you stay standing still and you’re not sure what to do with your own hands, but you don’t think she cares.

You find you don’t really either.

She kisses you and you don’t think you’ve ever felt more alive.

Her lips are soft; tasting like sweat and heat and a spark of something is sent all the way through your body until your toes curl and you’re kissing her back. Your hands find their home on her hips and you feel more than you hear her sigh into the kiss and you can’t keep the smile from your face; nor the chuckle from your mouth when you slowly pull away and hear Julia let out a barely perceptible whine. You placate her by bringing your forehead to rest against her own as you simply soak in the relative peace of the moment.

“Are you alright?” she finally asks and you let out a breath.

“I’m okay,” you mumble in reply and you let your eyes fall shut when you feel Julia softly brush her thumbs over your cheeks.

“Wish I could see your eyes right now.” You laugh at that and finally step away completely. You try to ignore the emptiness your separation sews within you. It doesn’t work.

“You don’t,” you throw back with a wavering grin, “I think I’ve been crying,”  you admit as you turn your head to stare down at the unmoving villain.

“Well if there was any time to cry it’d be now,” Julia jokes and you watch her approach Psychopathor’s body, only to give him a nudge and the bulk of a man barely moves. You turn your back to look down the street, shading your eyes against the sun and wincing at the devastation the battle, well, battles, has wrought.

“We got lucky,” you whistle and Julia chuckles as she comes to stand at your side.

“Don’t I know it,” she laughs as you grin at her before pulling down your mask when you see civilians begin to emerge from hiding.

“We should go find Steel,” you say.

“We? Sidestep, your leg?” Ah yes. You had forgotten.

“Right. Right…” you mumble, falling silent as Julia rounds to your front.

“Did you hit your head too hard?” she’s frowning and you allow her hand to rest gently upon the side of your face, “Or did our kiss leave your brain that addled?” she wiggles her eyebrows as she gives you that grin and you scrunch up your face as you bat away her hand.

“Idiot.” There’s only humor backing your voice as Julia cackles and takes a step away, “Go find Steel. I’ll stay here with our ‘friend’. Just make it quick,” you tell her.

“Roger that!” she gives you a wink and a salute before turning and jogging off in the last direction your armor-cladded compatriot was seen. You can’t keep the grin from stretching your face and you feel as if you are floating among clouds.

You should have done this sooner.

Chapter Text

“Keep quiet you idiot!” you hiss low under your breath as you and Julia both sneak through the run-down and abandoned building. A factory, you think it once was though no more.

“I am keeping quiet!” comes the strained reply though you still feel, and hear, the tell-tale crackling of nervous sparks.

“You’re sparking Sparkles.” You receive a splutter of jumbled words but the sounds stop and you peak around the corner into the dimly lit corridor.

“I don’t get why we have to sneak around,” Julia whispers at your back as you deem the hallway safe and slowly begin walking towards what you hope will be your freedom, “Can’t you just sense where that thing is?”

“Usually yes,” you mutter through gritted teeth, “But I don’t want to risk getting close. It’s mind is strange,” you explain, “Sticky like a web. When I get too close it latches on and it’s difficult for me to worm my out and every time I try seek its thoughts it’s like… a strange sort of feedback loop.” You find yourself frowning, your footsteps slowing, “A telepath looking into another telepaths mind.” Your feelers stretch out without your wanting, spurred on by your nervousness and desire to know and because you know it’s somewhere here, stalking you. Hunting you. You hate it.

“It’s telepathic?” Julia whispers and you nod.

“To some degree,” you tell her, “Though I think it’s powers aim more to overwhelm and confuse. Disorientate.”

“How do you know?” Julia asks and you come to a stop when you hear chittering in the distance. You hold your hand up and hold your breath as you listen. You strain your mind as attempt to get at least a general idea of where it is but you loathe to admit that you too are scared. Because though this thing is hunting you, you don’t think it quite knows where you are. And if your minds connect you may just give away your position. Julia breathes deep besides you, one hand on your shoulder and her touch is a comfort that helps to keep you calm through the tapping and clicking you can hear slowly fading away. Only once you can no longer actively hear the sounds of the Catastrofiend do you breathe a sigh and relax, your feelers curling up and withdrawing from the threat, “Everything okay?” Julia asks and you slowly turn your head to stare at her as you try your damndest to project disdain through your lenses, “Right,” the woman at your side gives a quiet and nervous laugh as her arm drops to her side, “Stupid question.”

“Where’s Anathema and Steel?” you ask. You don’t want to risk using your telepathy. It’s as much a danger to you here as the predator lurking in these halls.

“Steel’s organizing the others to create a perimeter around the building or at least that’s what I told him to do.”

“He’ll do it,” you reply in the affirmative. He’ll follow the order to a T.

“And Themmy was clearing the civilians out last I saw her.”

“And remind me, what are we doing here alone then?” you drawl as you dare to continue stepping on shadowed ground.

“Why my good friend, we’re the bait.” You don’t need to see her face to picture the perfect shit-eating grin.

“Ah yes. How could I forget,” you roll your eyes, “I really do let you talk me into doing the most dangerous shit,” you mutter.

“You love it,” comes the quick-witted reply and you can’t help but smile, “Besides, I would be lost without you.”

“Oh haha, you ass,” you deadpan as you  poke your head around doors to stare into rooms you hope will be empty, “You’d be fine without me.” She would be better off without you. Not that she’d see it that way. Not that you’d have it that way either. You never were one to listen to what was best for you.

“What makes you say that?” You shrug though the question makes you uncomfortable in many ways. Do you reply with a joke? A witty one-liner to avoid and distract? Make up another lie to be thrown onto the pile of all the others you have sewn? Or do you tell her the truth? You shake your head. That would only make her ask more questions. Avoid and distract it is.

“Because Sparkles, I’m just one in a sea of many,” you sigh and you can tell by the silence (and by your own internal cursing) that that was far less of a joke than you had planned for, “Forget about it,” you cut in before Julia has a chance to find her reply, “We need to focus on the murderous villain playing with its food. And if I wasn’t clear, we’re the food.”

“Wise ass.”

“Remember, this was your plan, Marshall,” you shoot back, half-joking half not. Because she does this, over though over mostly in small doses (not as terrifying situations). Signing you up for missions with the explicit statement that yeah, shit’s fucked, seems to be her specialty. Not that you’d ever let her go alone of course. Idiot would get herself killed without you and that’s the truth. When you hear skittering and whispering up ahead you go still once more.

“How could I forget,” Julia keeps speaking, “As if you don’t-“ without looking back you whack her in the chest with a closed fist before sharply turning and bringing a finger to where your lips are beneath your mask. She shuts up immediately but it’s too late. The silence that descends is charged yet stifling and your heart has stopped as you stare down the lengthy passageway into the darkness at its end. Time seems to tick by as if trudging through tar but you know its not just a pointless passing of seconds.

It’s a countdown.

You squint, your vision focusing on the shadows and – something’s appeared within them having stepped into the writhing tendrils from a room you cannot see. Something tall and held up upon bent legs as it has to hunch to fit within the space it has found itself. Something with twitching scythed arms, and a glowing yellow orb that cuts through the gloom.

The still air is shattered by an ear-splitting shriek and a primal fear has you turning and pushing Julia into running.

“Go go GO!!” you shout and neither of you needs encouragement against the charging horror at your backs.

The only thing slowing the Catastrofiend down is the confines of the hallway but even then you know it’s gaining on you, “Split up!” you shout over the noise of slicing blades and skittering feet.

“What!? Why!!??” comes the panicked reply.

“We need to lead it outside! Better chance this way!” And before Julia can argue on the contrary (as you know she wants to do) you make a sharp turn and disappear through an open doorway. You hope it follows you. Only because you know Julia’s bravado and core need to be heroic will get her carved up without your intervention. And as you hear the beast grow closer you throw a look over your shoulder to see your wish fulfilled as the Catastrofiend stops briefly before the doorway you stumbled through. It twitches, snaps its head in your direction and lets out another shriek before lumbering in your wake. Somehow you start running even faster than you thought you could. You haven’t sprinted like this since…  You shake your head. You need to focus.

You boots find purchase against grit-covered concrete as you run through a room piled with discarded boxes, beams fallen from up high and bricks scattered about as if thrown. Now there’s an idea.

As you run you take a quick dip to grab a hefty looking slab of stone, red dust already coating your glove and you turn only briefly to throw the brick directly at the Catastrofiend. It’s far too close for comfort but the projectile strikes true, hitting the modified creature directly in its eyes and causing it to shriek once more as it stumbles and almost stops. Its sounds of pain grate against your nerves and you fight to keep from slapping your hands over your ears as you continue running, having bought yourself a little more time.

You speed through a doorway and into a large open floor and you would cry if you weren’t exactly where you want to be. Far ahead you can spy the way you entered this cursed building and you’re almost free. You can hear sirens outside and you’ve made it.

It’s just your luck that you then hear the awful sound of metal on stone behind you and turn your head to see the Catastrofiend scrape one of its blades against the grey concrete ground. You frown as you wonder what it’s doing before with widening eyes you realize exactly what it’s up to. It’s not as stupid as you thought. And your attack, it seems, has given it an idea. You watch in horror as the curved weapon hooks beneath the end of a metal beam just outside its path and with an almighty push the villain launches the fallen support like a heat-seeking missile straight towards you. It’s fast. But so are you. You duck and dodge to the side as the beam flies straight past but when you look back to the Catastrofiend you come to the horrifying realization that the attack you narrowly missed was just the side attraction. And that the main show is coming at you with a blaring mind, piercing eyes and blades at the ready.

Fast. So fast. You didn’t think this was something the Catastrofiend was capable of doing and you are woefully unprepared. It’s only thanks to your innate skill and precise movements that you are able to avoid a head on collision as you step to the side.

But you are still hit.

You watch in slow-motion as the monster goes screaming past your face. This close you can taste its stench upon your tongue and it almost makes you gag. Rotting meat and rusted metal. You see the shine to the deadly sharp weapons as they slice through the air where your throat had previously been and you’re treated to the up-close horror show that it a silver gleaming blade as it tears through your right lens, coming within a hair's breadth of your eye before the creature is sent tumbling to the ground and you throw yourself backwards.

And now you have a problem. Well. Another one. Because you’ve switched positions. And the villain is now blocking your exit.

It turns to stare at you as you stare at it just the same and you ready yourself for a fight (one you know you will lose) but the creature doesn’t advance. Your heart is hammering in your chest as it perches one awfully bent legs and you watch the blades rub together to create a dreadfull grating sound that echoes through the space and causes you to shiver.

Why isn’t it attacking?

Why-

There’s something at the edge of your shields – edge of your view – and your eyes flicker briefly to try and catch the movement but whatever it is skirts away before you can capture it in your mind. Your vision focuses back onto the villain before you and you watch its head tilt and twitch, its strange splitjaw mouth moves and shakes and you don’t know why it’s still (so are you), but you don’t like it. You don’t like the way its mind prods at yours, looking for a way in. You don’t like how it stares at your with four eyes containing an intensity you didn’t know it was capable of. And you especially don’t like the way it sways from side to side in an oddly rhythmic motion.

You need to focus. To move. Look away…

Your head won’t turn. Your body refuses to obey. You can’t move. You are stuck staring at this monstrosity and you are paralyzed.

You can feel it now. It’s thoughts worming in through the cracks in your shields, twisting your mind into stalling and you can’t even blink though the air blowing through your cracked lens makes you want to. The amalgamation of flesh and metal glides towards you as it chitters and clicks and your breaths comes out fast and rabbit quick through your nose as your mouth refuses to open to let you scream and you can hear something else now. People outside? You are dimly aware of a shout but it’s coming from the wrong direction.

It's coming from behind you.

Footsteps rapidly approaching and a voice calling out a name. Your name.

The Catastrofiend is so close that its pungent odor makes you want to barf and you can do nothing but watch in frozen terror as it raises a bladed limb up high-

“SIDESTEP!!”

Your name is screamed, the cry shattering the air and the next few moments happen as if the world itself has slowed down time to make sure you are witness to every single detail.

The ground beneath your feet shakes with the urgency of the one coming up behind you.

The Catastrofiend’s mouth splits open in a gruesome approximation of a smile as it lets out a low hiss that has your mind retreating in fear.

The sunlight beaming in from the cracked ceiling above glints off the wicked sharp blade above.

You watch as Julia skids to a halt in front of you, arms raised and palms facing forwards as the air about your head crackles and sparks.

And then time resumes at its normal pace as the smell of ozone overpowers everything else and you hear the telltale zapping of Julia emptying everything she has into the creature before you both just as the Catastrofiend brings its scythe down in a quick and violent motion. Another scream pierces the air, one of pain and fear and Julia is knocked back by the force of the blow. She slams into your front and you are both thrown to the ground as the sudden and jarred movement snaps you out of whatever trance you had fallen into. You blink and take a sharp breath and you can taste iron on your tongue though the blood is not yours. Panic sparks anew and turns to fear as you shift out from beneath the woman atop of you to find her clutching at her stomach while deep crimson blood gushes through her fingers.

“No no no no no…” you breathe as you kneel at her side, hands hovering uselessly above her. Her eyes are open as she looks down at herself but they don’t seem to be focusing, the warmth of them is dimmed, lost in a haze of pain. You look up and around and the Catastrofiend is slowly picking itself up off the floor.

Your blaster.

You reach for the weapon at your hip and with shaking hands you turn its power up to the max just as the Catastrofiend lunges at you. You let out a yell as you raise the gun and let off a shot that hits the creature right between its horrid eyes.

You see the blast connect, you see the laser go through the villain’s head but you’ve seen it take much worse and survive. You just want to buy time. You cover Julia’s ears as you watch the Catastrofiend stumble and fall and let out an ear-splitting screech that pierces the air and has you squeezing your eyes shut for the pain it causes and when it finally goes silent you hesitantly open them back up… to find the villain nowhere in sight. You don’t know where it’s gone and right know you don’t really care as Julia begins to cough up blood, “Shit. Shit!” You prop her head up on your knees so she won’t drown in her own ichor and she needs help. She needs more than what you can do. You close your eyes as you throw your feelers to the outside, thrashing about as they are you are trying hard to stay in control as you snag the thought streams of the two you know the most. You don’t trust your words, especially not those within your mind and so you simply project a visage of the truth that lies before you. Hurt and pain and so much blood as Julia struggles to keep her guts inside herself and you hope it’s enough. As you pull back with a gasp you open your eyes and immediately place your hands over Julia’s. You’re not sure why. It’s not as if you can do much but you can’t just sit and do nothing. Not while she bleeds out. Not while-

Your touch seems to spark something within her and her eyes snap to your face. Or more specifically to where your cracked lens is sure to show a panicked filled green eye. And she smiles. The stupid woman smiles as she stares at your with her life draining out of her far too quickly. Though all too soon the light seems to fade and you grip one of her hands so tight you’re afraid you may have broken one of her fingers. As if that’s what she has to be worried about right now.

“Hey! Julia! Stay with me okay?!” You want to scream but she doesn’t deserve that and as you hear the doors to the building slam open you look up to see two figures charging towards you, “She needs a hospital!” you shout at them before returning your attention to the woman dying in your arms and you know there’s tears dripping down your face but you can’t care, “Julia please, please just hold on!” You place a gloved hand to the side of her face and turn her head to look at you. You can see her lips moving and you lean in close only for her to weakly raise her arm and tap you on the forehead.

It takes everything in you to not burst into a full-scale meltdown and as Julia’s arm falls limply back to her side you lose that fight.

+++++

It’s later.

Much later.

You hate hospitals but you’ll bare them for her.

Only her.

She’s been out of surgery for almost an entire day, and you’ve stayed in her room ever since.. A private hospital with the best care available for the Marshall of the Rangers yet still she has yet to wake up. You can hear the machines beep away at your back and when you hear the door to her room open you sense the familiar thought pattern of Anathema as she enters and shuts the door behind her.

“Brought you something to eat,” she speaks softly and you turn, her green eyes going to your own still seen through the shattered lens of your mask, “I would tell you to head home and get changed,” she starts as she comes to your side and hands you a reasonably nice-looking cafeteria sandwich, “But I know better than that.” You huff a short laugh as you turn to look back out the window and at the cityscape beyond. Anathema stays standing at your side and neither of you speak. You’re not even sure what to say, “She’ll be okay Annie,” your friend murmurs as you feel a solid hand give your shoulder a squeeze.

“I know,” you reply, voice cracked and hoarse, “Doesn’t make the waiting any easier.” You place the sandwich on the small side table next to the armchair in which you sit before you clasp your hands together and hunch forwards. The hand slips from your shoulder and you feel cold, “It’s my fault Themmy,” you speak the truth you can no longer keep down, “I froze up. She saved me. Again.”

“Don’t you dare say that it was your fault,” comes the reply, “That fault lies with that villain.”

“Who got away.”

“…Who got away.”

“Because of me.” You receive a light slap on the back of your head and you jerk forwards before shifting around to glare at Themmy who stares at you with her lips pursed and brows furrowed.

“What did I just say?” You catch the slight quirk at the corner of her lips and you shake your head with a small laugh.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll stop wallowing in self-pity. But I’m still not leaving until she wakes up.”

“I wasn’t here to try to convince you otherwise. I just came to deliver some food, and to check in with you.” You watch as Themmy turns her head ever so slightly to gaze upon the immobile form of muscles and tanned skin, “You were a sobbing mess when we got to you.”

“And if you’re smart you’ll never breathe a word of that to anyone else,” you keep your tone light to show that the supposed threat is just a joke.

“Heart-crossed,” and she does indeed draw a cross over her heart with bare freckled fingers before miming the closing of a zipper across her lips. You shake your head and turn back around to sit in your seat proper, “I should head back to Chen, see how he’s handling the press.” You snort out a laugh.

“I’d love to see that.”

“He’s actually fairing pretty well. Not as many wise-cracks as our resident joker…” she trails off and you sniffle, “But he’s professional, and stern enough that no one dares to ask him about anything other than what just happened.”

“Well at least he has that handled then,” you mumble with a hint of disdain and you hear Themmy sigh.

“Try to eat the sandwich Annie,” she tells you, “And take care of yourself.” The echo of her footsteps retreat until with a whoosh and click the door opens and shuts and you are left alone with the unconscious form of the woman you… You squeeze your eyes shut and feel a few more tears escape. You try to keep the emotions shut away and bolted down but all you can picture within the darkness of your mind is Julia bleeding and dying and you can’t-

A sob escapes you, pitiful and loud within the room and your situation isn’t help by the flaking blood still crusted to your gloves and arms and- It’s getting hard to breath and you know you’re hyperventilating and you need more air then the cover of your mask allows. It’s dangerous. Stupid and dangerous but there are no cameras in this room of that you made sure and so you take your mask off and throw it at your feet.

Your curled orange mane falls free around your face as you brace your hands on your knees and focus on trying to breath evenly. In and out. In… and out… Calm down. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. She’ll be fine. She’s okay. She’s fine. She’ll-

“Hey you…” A weak voice calls out and you freeze, falling silent in an instant. A few beats of silence and then – “I like your hair…” You feel laughter bubbling up your throat and when it bursts from your lips you throw caution to the wind as you stand up and turn around. Facing Julia for the first time unmasked.

She looks paler than usual which is to be expected. Her eyes are dark and clouded yet her gaze does not waver from your face as she takes your features in with a soft smile and a softer sigh.

“You’re beautiful…” she breathes and you roll your eyes with a grin as you approach the bed.

“You’re delirious old woman,” you tell her and as she shuffles all the way to one side you watch her pat the empty space next to her before she looks up at you expectantly. You hesitate for only the briefest of moments before relenting and carefully sitting on the bed before lifting your legs up and onto the covers.

“I might be,” her words are hushed as you lay your head next to hers, “But that doesn’t change what’s true.” Her fingers lace through yours and squeeze and you turn your head to look at her, and of course she’s already got her eyes on you. Smiling that smile once again and you watch her eyes flit down to your lips. You know what she wants and who are you to deny her any pleasure? Especially when you want the same.

You bring your head towards hers and when your lips unite the motion is soft and on your part hesitant, though only for the state of her body. It is her that deepens the motion and you simply follow suite, bringing a hand to frame her face as her tongue delves into your mouth. She tastes oh so sweet and her breath is deliciously warm upon your face and her other arm curls around your back in order to bring you flush up against her. You pull back to laugh softly.

“It looks like a near death experience hasn’t done anything to dampen your mood,” your lips twist as you smirk at her before her hand goes up to cup the base of your skull and bring your forehead to her. She’s uncharacteristically silent as are you and you stare into warm brown eyes full of emotion.

“I thought I-“ she stops and when her eyes start shining and a hiccup jerks her chest you realize she’s crying and so you wrap your free arm around her shoulder, slide your hand up her neck and bury you fingers within her waves of brown as you bend her head to fit within the curve of your neck. You let her cry, tears soaking into your uniform and now you wish you had changed because there’s flecks of red littering the bed and hiding themselves within her hair. You don’t say a word. All you do is gently stroke her head until her cries turn into sniffles before she falls silent completely and even then you continue to hold her, and she lets you.

“I’m sorry,” you reply after the quiet has stretched on so long that your mind begins to wander to places you’d rather it wouldn’t. The body within your embrace shuffles and Julia extricates herself from your arms to pull back and stare at you with a knotted brow.

“Why?” she asks and now it’s your turn to be confused.

“Because if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be in this hospital bed?” you reply.

“If it wasn’t for me you’d be dead.”

“You could have also died Jules.”

“But I didn’t.”

“But you could have!” you raise you voice and immediately regret it when the volume bounces back at you from stark walls. You sigh, “I just… you can’t keep doing this. Putting yourself in danger just to protect me.”

“And why not?” God is she stubborn.

“Because you’re the goddamn Marshall Julia Ortega. If you die the city will mourn and many people will die because you won’t be alive to save them.”

“And if you die?” her voice is soft and worried and you pull your hand from hers when you feel your skin start to go clammy.

“I’m just one person Jules,” you reply with a shrug as you stare steadfast and straight up at the ceiling, “If I die… I just… die.” She shifts on the bed besides you and your heart skips a beat when she lays her head on your chest.

“Don’t you ever say something like that again,” the low voice reverberates against you chest and you can’t help but smirk, “If you die I will mourn forever and always. If you die not only will the world far more shitty for you having left it, but I will be useless to the city in my grief.” You sigh and wrap you arms around Julia as you squeeze her tight.

“I hate it when you make sense,” you mumble and you hear her chuckle as you thread you hands through her hair.

“It doesn’t happen often but I occasionally sprout little nuggets of wisdom.” You laugh and you both lapse into silence with only the beeping of machines and the ticking of a nearby clock. The silence had just begun to blanket you in a heavy comfort when Julia speaks up again, “Y’know…” she starts and you brace yourself for whatever she is about to say give n the tone she just used, “Considering I just saved your life and all, I think I deserve a reward.”

“Oh do you now?” you reply as she looks up at you with wide eyes, “And I assume you’ve already thought about whatever prize you think you deserve?” you raise an eyebrow at her and she grins.

“You know me so well,” she replies and you tighten your grip from where your fingers are curled within her hair. Her eyes squeeze shut as she lets out a sharp gasp and a hiss and you chuckle, “Not that kind of reward,” she shoots at you and you laugh.

“What is it then?” you ask as you relax your grip.

“Well since you’ve been so open about showing me your face, I was thinking… Could I get your name?” The smile slips from your face and you go back to staring up at the ceiling as your entire body tenses up, “I fucked up, didn’t I.” Her voice is quiet but you don’t look to her, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“

“Annie,” you blurt out and you only realize what you’ve done when the woman with her arms wrapped around you waist stills and fall quiet. Oh well. What’s one more little death, “Annie Kane.”

“Well then Annie…” Julia purrs and your name falls like honey from her lips as her hands snake their ways up your sides to finally curl around your shoulders. She pulls herself up so your faces are level and your cheeks heat up as you stare into her eyes before she brings her lips to your in a tender kiss. It’s only brief but it’s far sweeter than any you have shared so far, “It’s nice to meet you.” You laugh again and you would slap her if you didn’t see her wince as she lays back down.

“Nice to meet you too Julia Ortega,” you reply.

You earn yourself a chuckle.

Chapter Text

She’s asked you to meet her and you’re not quite sure why.

She had called your phone at some ridiculous time of the morning and the only reason you were still awake was that you hadn’t even gone to bed yet. You had asked her what was so important that it couldn’t wait until there was light in the sky and she had simply replied with-

“It’s just something really important okay? Do you think you could meet me at the park near HQ?”

And despite the alarms that were going off inside your head you had said yes. Maybe it was because you were sleep-deprived (what’s new there?). Maybe it was because she sounded desperate. Maybe it was because you just wanted to see her, having been absent from the Rangers as she had been during the first two weeks of her recovery since she was almost disemboweled. You know she still isn’t cleared for active duty but she asked to see you. And you couldn’t just say no. Well, you could. But honestly? You didn’t want to. And so here you are at whatever the fuck o’clock wrapped up to protect yourself against the abnormal chill in the air.

The park is no place for people at this hour. So it’s a good thing you’re not that. And that Julia, even injured as she still is, should be capable enough to handle herself. You are without your mask and you still don’t feel all too comfortable showing your face but it should be fine right? It’s too early for anyone of great importance to be up anyways and you can’t sense any foul intentions from the minds of the few you pass on the sidewalk as you stride with your head down and hands in your pockets. Soon enough you see the entrance to the park ahead, wrought iron gate loosely latched and as you stop before opening it you can spy, in the distance, a lone figure sitting on a bench illuminated by soft yellowed lamplight. She has her hands clasped in her lap but as the creaking and groaning of the gate announces your arrival, Julia Ortega looks up. She lifts her hand to acknowledge your presence and you see her attempt at happiness fail when she can’t quite meet your eye.

Your frown stays upon your face as you walk across the gravel path and stop before her.

“Alright. I’m here. Everything okay?” you ask and she lets out a little laugh that is so unlike the loudness you have come to associate her with, “Is it your injuries?” you continue, “Are there any complications?” She shakes her head but still won’t look at you and so you sit on the bench besides her with your knees touching, “Then what is it?” you ask, “What’s got you so fired up that you wanted me to meet you at not even the ass-crack of dawn?”

“Willyougooutwithme?”

“What?” Words spoken so fast you barely understood what was said.

“Will you, go out with me?" Spoken slower yet you still think you didn’t hear her right. You must truly be hallucinating if you think she really said…

She wants to go out with you?

“Why?” you ask and that seems funny to her as she laughs, the sound surprising and loud enough that you flinch and move away along the bench. She doesn’t seem to notice.

“Because I like you?” her humor morphs into confusion when she turns to look at you and you stare back with a tilted head and furrowed brows.

“…Why?” you ask again because you truly aren’t sure why. You’re not particularly nice or funny and you thought that what was going on between you was just another of Julia’s flings (though you had hoped it to be something more. So why are you questioning it now?)

“Because you’re cool and kick-ass. I enjoy your company and your laugh and the way your eyes sparkle when you smile.” You’re not smiling now and her ramblings seem to fizzle out when you give no reply, the smile slowly slipping from her face, “I thought that you felt something to?”

“I did I just- I didn’t think-“ You didn’t think you’d would ever be allowed to have something like this. You groan and bury your head in your hands.

“Annie?” Julia’s voice at your side is quiet and uncertain and you feel her place a hand on your back. Her mind is static and unreadable and you wish more than anything that right now you could peer into her thoughts and divine her true intentions.

“If this is what you want-” you want this too, “-it can’t be like all the other relationships you’ve had.” Public and open and splashed across the tabloids. You sit back up, the hand is removed and you turn to look at Julia, “No one can know.” You watch an eye twitch yet she nods.

“Alright,” she smiles and you don’t think she understands the gravity of the situation.

“I mean it Julia,” you can’t stress this enough and you need to make sure she understands without revealing why. You can’t risk that. Not yet, “Nobody can ever know.” It would spell your doom. Though it’s not like you’ve not doomed yourself already.

“I understand.”

“Do you?” Does she?

She chuckles and you allow her to take your hands.

“I do.” And she sounds so sincere that you believe her, and you smile.

“Okay…” you whisper as you bring your face forwards to meet her lips. Soft and warm, they do wonders in banishing the chill from your body as you lean into the kiss. Her hands find you neck, your jaw, your face and she cups the back of your head as you wrap your arms around her shoulders. You can’t move any closer to her if you tried, as it is you’re almost in her lap but it still doesn’t feel like its enough. The kiss is broken, by whom you’re not sure but you let out a gasp as Julia nibbles your lower lip before releasing you and resting her forehead against yours.

“Okay?” she asks softly, thumbs stroking your cheeks.

“Okay,” you reply, equally as tender with a smile on your face and love in your heart.

Chapter Text

It’s a massacre.

The swarm had descended upon the city almost 3 days ago. Ravenous and mad and countless numbers of people had simply disappeared without a trace. Screams cut short with an abruptness that had fear seize your heart. Minds blinking out as if their fate were decided by the flip of a switch. Civilians. Dead. Heroes. Dead. Even the one who called forth the storm was devoured in the madness. The city hadn’t quite realized what was happening at first and in the time it had taken the mayor to take his thumb out of his ass and give an official order to start sending out heroes to confront the danger, so much death had already been sown.

It’s only by some stroke of luck that you are still here, alive and (mostly) well. Luck and strong shields that is. Because while the Nanovores aren’t strictly telepathic in nature there’s something about them that sets your brain to buzzing and you don’t like it.

You’re on your own having taken shelter in a marketplace, hidden behind the counter of an indoor kitchen amongst the remains of halfway prepared meals. Your back is pressed hard up against a cabinet door as your heart thunders away in your chest. You just need a breather, a moment to collect yourself. This place had been thriving up until a few hours ago but now it was silent and empty. A haunting image for what the rest of the city could become if this latest terror wasn’t stopped.

You had decided to tag along with the Rangers who had been tipped off to the movement of the swarm but you had been forcibly split apart when a small cloud of glittering black had detached from the main bulk of the swarm and the residents of Los Diablos had fled screaming and crying. You’re not sure where the Rangers are now. Even when you reach out with your mind you can’t sense through what you can detect is a strange static that causes your teeth to ache and your head to hurt. You saw no one else out on the street before you had ducked inside your current hiding place though you could hear the screaming of those in pain for miles.

You know it’s out there. The dark cloud of hungry tech high above and you need to move before it finds you in your false hope of shelter. You need to head to the shoreline and hope you catch up with the others along the way.

You take a deep breath as you shake your head and get to your feet. You step lightly around tipped chairs and strewn food as you make your way towards the market entrance and place one hand on the door. You slowly push it open as you cast your eyes to the sky and all seems clear for now.

You’re not going to get another chance like this.

You run.

/////

You’re breathing so hard that your lungs feel like they’re burning. Your legs are twin poles of pain and your head is pounding with a migraine that has your stomach roiling and you still haven’t see hide nor hair of the Rangers. Where in the hell are they? All you have found so far are abandoned vehicles, empty shops and dissolving people whose cries made no sound as they reached out for you. You stopped for none. You couldn’t. Because you knew there was nothing to be done for them though that doesn’t make you feel any better as vision of your callous betrayal had been stuck in their minds during their final, agonizing moments amongst the living. You’ve managed to fend off any Nanovores that have had thought to dive your way so far. Bouncing off your shields as they have been you can feel the strain upon your mind but you’ll endure. You don’t have a choice.

The boardwalk spanning the beach is where you’re headed. Where you were all headed and you hope they get there before you do. You’re no hero, despite many people seeing you as one and while you do what is in your power to aid those you can, victims of this scourge will need more help than what you alone can provide.

You’re almost there, you can see the boardwalk up ahead (still no sign of the Rangers) and you keep on running till you hear the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching from behind. Your mind reaches out and recoils immediately against the sour taste these thoughts leave in your mouth and you step aside, pivot on the ball of your foot, and face your pursuer. You mouth curls into a sneer you can’t fight when Owl comes to a grinding halt in front of you.

“I would say I’m glad to see you-“ you start as you eye her sword but she cuts you off.

“Cut the wisecracks asshole,” she hisses, eyes wide and pupils blown. You blink down at her, “If you haven’t noticed things have gone to shit.” You watch as she looks around rapidly before facing you once more with narrowed eyes, “Where the hell are the Rangers?”

“I’d like to know just as much as you,” you shoot back as you cross your arms, “Lost them a while back. I’m heading to the boardwalk. It’s where they were going too so hopefully they’ll be there.”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You watch as she twirls her sword before stashing it in the holster at her side. Show off.

“Oh will you now,” you sneer and you wish she could see it beneath your mask.

“Look, we can stand around here and argue as much as you’d like but we don’t have the fucking time!” she hisses and you grit your teeth.

“Fine,” you reply just as cold, “But if you point that sword in my direction at any point I’ll do more than just break your jaw.”

“I won’t let you get close enough to touch me,” she stares you down for a few beats before she gestures ahead, “After you.”

“Only because I’m faster,” you say, “You better keep up Owl.” You turn and don’t even wait for a reply before you head off once more.

/////

Closer now. Where are they? You’re starting to get worried but you can’t let Owl see. She’d never let you live it down.

“You never apologized,” you say as you slow down just enough to jog alongside her.

“What?” she replies, a touch out of breath.

“For stabbing me,” you roll your eyes, “Julia told me what she said to you and you never apologized.”

“That was 3 months ago, you’re still holding onto that?” you watch her raise an eyebrow as she tilts her head up to meet your eyes.

“Considering it still hurts if I stretch wrong, yeah,” you huff.

“Surprised it didn’t hurt more if I’m being honest. You sure can take a hit. Or a stab. Either way.” Is she trying to joke with you or compliment you? You can’t quite tell, “Look if you really want an apology then I-“

“Hey!! You two! Wait up!”

You groan internally you come to a stop. You know this voice. You know those thoughts fluttering like butterflies.

“Elysie,” you sigh as you turn to meet the young vigilante with arms crossed over your chest, “What are you doing here?” you ask her.

“The same thing you two are. Trying to help,” she replies with a wide smile and a hopeful light in her eyes. You and Owl look at each other and she shrugs before turning to look back at the woman before you.

“How exactly can you help sunshine?” Owl points out to which you see Elysie stand up tall, back straight and expression serious.

“I can get people out of the way quicker than either of you can,” she says and you chuckle while the shorter woman at your side bristles. You can sense the hopeful thoughts of the mind before you. Naïve. But selfless. She wants to help. You sigh.

“Fine. Come with us but keep up. Not that I need to tell you that,” you add on before you turn your back, “It’s like I’m collecting vigilantes now…” you mutter under your breath before your feet are soon pounding against the scorching tarmac.

+++++

The screaming gets louder the closer you get to the boardwalk. You thought it had been evacuated but obviously you were wrong and the cries of pain are ones you know you will never forget. Uneasiness sits in your mind and in those of your companions and you can sense the thoughts of others nearby, but none of them are the Rangers. Now you’re worried. You’ve been delayed more than once and you still made it here before them? That’s not good at all. You slow your pace until you are stopped before you hit the boardwalk proper and you look around at the devastation. Or strangely enough, lack of. There’s nowhere near enough blood that this horror should have provided.

“What now?” Elysie speaks up and you shield your eyes against the sun, squinting behind your mask as you take stock of your surroundings.

“Now?” you parrot, “I don’t-“

“Sidestep!!”

Finally.

You let out a breath as you turn to meet the owner of the voice and Julia looks so worried as she runs to you, Themmy and Chen in tow.

“You’re alright?” she breaths as she stops at your front and you see the way her hands twitch with the obvious need to reach for you but there are others present.

“I’m okay,” you reply before jutting a thumb behind you, “Picked up a few strays along the way-“

“Hey!” Owl pipes up. You ignore her.

“- and we were heading to, well, here.” You look past to the other Rangers and their minds radiate both relief and fear. Even from Steel. He glares at you when your eyes go to him.

“I’m just glad you’re alright.” The smile Julia aims at you is full of warmth and promise and you feel your cheeks heat up beneath your mask and you clear your throat.

“Well it looks like you all made it here in one piece, and we don’t have time for pleasantries-“ and as if to prove your point the air erupts as a scream splits through the moment of calm. This one’s close. Close enough that when you focus you can feel the mind of the person in pain and… another? “This way!” you shout as you turn and run towards a side street behind a tall off-white apartment building.

The screams and the presence of minds close by are your guide as you sprint towards the terror and as you draw near you feel a shift in the air. Subtle at first and you’re not quite sure what it is until the screaming stops so abruptly that you realize the feeling was that of guilt-filled resolve from the mind of the other.

You’re the first one on the scene. The first one to see the hunched-over figure of Sunstream with her back to you and her long black hair having fallen over her face. You slow your pace until you are barely tiptoeing towards the figure who has yet to move and your heart hammers in your chest in time with the constant stream of her thoughts -Sorry. Sorry. Sorrysorrysorry- “Sunstream?” you bet her name as a good guess to break her from the repetitive cycle of guilt and its either that that does it or the arrival of the others behind you. You hear her breath leave her in a shudder before she unfolds as she stands and turns around to face you with a false smile and red-rimmed eyes.

“Sidestep,” she nods, “Fellow Rangers. And… guests.” You lean to the side to peer at the body she tries to hide behind her tall form and there’s no thoughts from this person. Not that you knew you’d find any. Especially not with the quarter sized hole they have burned through the center of their forehead. You straighten yourself and when you look to Sunstream her eyes flicker to yours,

<Please don’t> Her thoughts are tired. She is tired. There are black bags beneath her hazel eyes and you see the way her legs shake ever so slightly. You clamp your lips shut and step to the side. This is best left for Julia to handle.

“Sunny!” Julia steps forwards, “You did manage to make it.” Ever the touchy-feely person you watch Julia clamp her hands to the shoulders of the taller woman who sags under the minor weight.

“I did. And Marshall it’s not good.” She looks to the sky and you do too, “The swarm isn’t as concentrated here but the bulk of it is headed this way as we were informed. Most people have fled but…” she trails off and from where you stand you can see her eyes glaze over just a touch, “But there are still many who either can’t or won’t.” Julia nods and steps away and you see Sunstream sway at the loss of a stable hand.

“Then our first priority is to get people out,” Julia says before turning around to speak to the bulk of the group. You tune her out and side up to Sunstream who seems rooted to the spot, barely acknowledging your presence. The others are distracted and so you take the opportunity to probe the mind of the woman besides you.

How many? You need to know and the answer you find has you wishing you hadn’t looked. She’s been at the boardwalk for hours amongst the screaming and the dying and you can feel the splinters of her mind as her hands shake. She’s killed dozens. Mercy killings, yes. But taking the life of a person leaves marks on the soul.

Stay back. Stay back. You repeat this mantra into her mind and you let the turbulence of her thoughts intertwine with your message as her trauma does the work for you. You can’t have her going out. Not in this state. You pull back from her thoughts as you lean on the hip height wall on your left. You don’t look at Sunstream. When Julia turns back around you hope she doesn’t ask for your input and you didn’t listen to a word that was said.

“Sidestep. You’ll stick with me.” You nod, “Sunstream, partner up with Anathema and Steel and-“

“I’m staying here Marshall,” Sunstream’s voice is strangely calm and you see the confusion all over Julia’s face before you go to stand at her side.

“…Okay?” Julia replies, “You better have a reason for objectifying to an order.” You snap your head to her. Can she not see the body slumped on the ground unmoving. And as you look again you realize the corpse has slid further down the wall and the long brown hair has hidden the marred face from view. To Julia it must just seem another unfortunate casualty of the swarm.

You watch Sunstream close her eyes for a brief few seconds as she takes a breath, “I can do more here. Seek out others further away from the beach and keep any stragglers from getting too close. It’s what I was already doing before you arrived.”

You see Julia nod, “Fair enough then!” She grins and spins back around, “You all know the drill. Find any survivors. Get them out. Keep yourselves alive. If you see any sign of the Nanosurge, act accordingly. And as soon as the bulk of the swarm can be seen, we all meet back at the beginning of the boardwalk. Containment is on its way and we just have to hold out until then.” That still leaves a very big question in your mind, but one you do not want to bring up in front of the others, “Keep in contact and stay safe.” And then you watch the four depart, Owl and Steel heading further into the alley while Themmy and Elysie head back out onto the street. Julia half-turns and you see her eye Sunstream, “You stay safe too okay?” she frowns and the taller woman nods. That seems to be enough for Julia for she spins and heads out of the alley. You stay still before the woman who’s hands shake once the Marshall is out of sight and you open your mouth to speak.

“You did the best you could,” you tell her and her head snaps up from where her gaze had dropped to her feet and she glates at you with an intensity you do not like.

“What?” she replies, voice unsure yet just as hard as the eyes that now stare at you.

“Sidestep! Everything okay?!” Julia shouts from the mouth of the alley.

“I’m coming!” you reply without shifting your gaze, “Stay safe Sunstream.” You don’t want her to end up like so many others and as you turn to head towards Julia, you hope this isn’t the last you’ll see of her.

/////

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“For the last time Marshall. I’m fine.” You stress her title because you need her to remember you’re both at work.

“Well sorry for just wanting to make sure.” You roll your eyes but say nothing, keeping your attention focused on scanning for minds still intact.

“How long until Containment gets here exactly?” you ask as you both speed walk down the boardwalk.

“An hour? Just about. May be a little longer because the roads are blocked but they’ll get here as quickly as they can.”

“And how exactly are you hoping to get the Nanovores into a containment unit?” you ask as you look to her, “You can’t just ask them.” She rubs the back of her neck.

“Containment said they had it covered.”

“Of course.” You roll your eyes with an accompanying sigh. A few more beats of silence pass between you and it’s so eerily quiet that you shiver. This place is as silent as the grave. A charming image. And then an all too familiar buzzing begins at the base of you skull.

You grimace as you turn your head to the sky to see a black cloud hovering like a bad omen.

“Oh shit,” Julia breathes at your side and you grit your teeth as you do your best to expand your shields to cover you both. You hope it works. You’re never quite sure when it comes to Julia. You realize you both have come to a stop and you stare unblinking at the swirling mass of Nanovores as it descends, buzzing and twisting and you hold your breath as the tiny beings come within an inch of where you have expanded your senses. You heart is pounding, your palms are clammy and your mouth is so dry as a tendril unfurls from the mass and creeps ever closer and when the pseudo limb make contact with your shields, something… strange happens.

For the briefest flicker of a moment you hear something. Not quite a voice, at least not in a language you know (which is rare), but… there’s something there. A sound beneath the buzzing so similar to bees in a hive.

Huh.

A hive mind perhaps?

You could do something with that.

But before you can formulate any sort of plan or counterattack the cloud stops still, retreats back into itself and shoots up into the air.

Your head is screaming in pain.

You let out a sigh of relief and Julia turns to face you.

“Are you okay?” she asks and you grimace.

“Apart from having a splitting headache I’m fine.” She looks just as shaken. You don’t mention bring it up, “Let’s keep going. I sense some people not too far away.” Now that the cloud has returned to the sky you feel groups of minds, scared and huddled and you both need to act fast.

“Lead the way then,” Julia sweeps an arm out wide. And you do.

+++++

11 people in total you find. 2 groups of 3, a couple hiding behind the counter of their bodega and a few stranglers who came across you whilst travelling along the shore. You tell them all to leave. To run as fast as they can. That Sunstream was by the beginning of the boardwalk and once they got past her they’d be safe. You hope you were telling the truth. Their minds had radiated relief as soon as any mention of hope graced their ears and with how dire things actually were? They needed any hope they could get. No matter how false it was.

Julia did the majority of the talking while you kept your shields up and your eyes pointed skyward. You knew it was only a matter of time before the swarm reached the boardwalk and you couldn’t afford to not be prepared.

You’re a good distance from your starting point when you hear Julia’s earpiece crackle.

“Marshall,” you hear Steel’s voice easy enough, “We’ve sent civilians on their way and sweeps of the area have shown no more. We’re heading back to point now.”

“Roger that. Anathema?”

“Same here. No more survivors. We’re already heading back. Few instances of Nanovore clouds but none got within reach.”

“Good job team,” the smile on Julia’s face is the first real one you’ve seen in a while, “Sidestep and I are the furthest away, so once you get to the meet point just stay alert and wait for us. Containment should be close, we just have to hold out a little more.”

“Aye aye Captain,” you hear Themmy reply and you snicker as you picture the salute she would be holding before the comms go silent.

“Well,” Julia speaks, “I guess we head back.”

“Seems like it,” you reply and cast another look to the sky before you both turn and retrace your steps.

/////

It’s quiet. Far too quiet. It’s unnerving and you feel as if you’re standing on the edge of a cliff while looking down and the only thing holding you back is a loop of twine slowly unravelling. The ache in your head is a buzz and your fingers twitch almost of their own accord as you hold your arms down by your sides. There’s barely any wind, (thankfully) no people and the only sounds are the gentle lapping of the waves and your footsteps thudding against old and worn wood. You’re only a short distance away from the meet point but your nerves are vibrating throughout your body.

“-step? Sidestep? Hey.” You look to your left when you register Julia’s voice and feel a hand upon your shoulder and she’s already staring at you with her brow furrowed.

“Sorry,” you shake your head and your face feels slick beneath your mask, “I was just… thinking.”

“About?” You gesture around with an eyebrow raised, “Ah. Of course.” She looks almost embarrassed as she turns her face away from yours, withdrawing her hand before she comes to a halt forcing you to do the same.

“Marshall?” you query and when she turns her head back to you she’s wearing that smile.

“Y’know,” she starts and you fight not to roll your eyes, “We’re technically alone right now.” She takes a step closer to you and her static buzzes all the same. Or maybe your mind was already buzzing. It’s so hard for you to tell and with her so close it’s just getting worse. Not that you can tell her that. Either way your head pounds and pain is spiking behind your eyes and yet you stay silent. She reaches up and taps the front of your mask and you huff a small laugh as you roll it up.

Only for your nose to start pouring blood.

You taste iron on your tongue before your hands fly to your face and Julia gasps.

“Annie what’s wrong??” You ignore her as you try to stem the bleeding and you curse internally as you have to tip your head back to look at the sky. And as if on cue Julia’s earpiece crackles to life.

“Marshall. The swarm’s approaching,” Steel’s voice ever so calm and you have no idea how he can stay as such with the ship-sized writhing and swirling mass of black flying your way.

“Shit!” Julia starts running, and you have no choice but to follow.

“Charge, how long until Containment gets here?” Themmy sounds nervous and you’re glad you’re not the only one as you spit blood onto the ground as you run.

“20 minutes!” Julia shouts back as she taps at the communicator on her wrist, “We just need to-“

“Hey!!” you hear Owl shout through the comms, followed by a string of swears you’re not surprised to hear coming from her, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Anathema what’s going on?” Julia asks, voice a pitch higher with worry.

“Get the fuck out of here-“

“Some civilians just popped out of nowhere, Owl’s trying to get them to move but-“

You look up and the swarm is so fast and you know with a gut-wrenching certainty that’ll it’ll reach them before you do.

“Owl! Owl! Stop!” Themmy sounds panicked and frightened and your heart twists in your chest as the fear in her voice digs under your skin.

Closer now. You and the swarm both.

“Leave now!! Fucking run!!”

“Owl stop!! Owl!! Zaida NO!!”

Themmy screams. And the swarm descends with frightening speed.

+++++

The cries reach your ears before you even set your eyes on the carnage. And what a sight it is.

Steel is at the front of the group shielding who must be the civilians and he’s holding out though you know his mobile dampeners are the only thing keeping him, and the others, safe. You can’t see Elysie and that worries you far more than anything else but what draws your attention almost immediately is Themmy, and by extension, Owl. The former on her knees while the later lays propped up against a half-stone wall.

Surrounded by blood with her sword dripping red at her side.

Both legs below her knees are gone.

You’re speechless. Fear rendering you unable to form thoughts or words and there’s so much blood and the Nanovores circle overhead and where is Containment? Aren’t they supposed to be here by now?

“Oh shit. Oh no. No no no.” You watch Julia rush to Owl while you stay routed to the spot. Unmoving, unwavering, bloody nose having slowed to a trickle as you slowly raise your head to stare at the cloud overhead.

So much.

Too much.

It’s so loud.

Why are they so loud??

A voice shouting draws your attention and you snap your head too quick towards the noise to see the blur that is Elysie come to a stop next to Julia.

“I got some civilians out. Containment is held up. Road is blocked. I tried to help but-“

“Elysie you’ve done great,” Julia replies, cutting off the younger woman’s ramblings, “But we need medical supplies. Bandages, cloth, anything to stop the bleeding.” Her hands are soaked in red, the woman at her feet is barely conscious save for the fluttering of her eyelids and the stuttering rise and fall of her chest. She’s looking alarmingly pale. A pallor you know all too well.

“I-I can do that,” Elysie stutters, “I just want to be helpful.”

Buzzing overhead. Buzz buzz buzz.

“You are,” Julia’s smile is terse, “Just make sure to be careful.” Elysie flashes her a grin and for a moment you’re reminded of yourself. Maybe you have been a little too standoffish with the kid.

“I’ll be back quick. Just you see.”

Just as you see. More than her it seems.

The cloud descends just as she turns and she only makes it a few meager steps before her legs are covered and swarmed by the black buzzing machines and its almost like they’ve been watching with how they target her strongest asset.

She screams so loudly that your ears ring and you slap your hands over them as you squeeze your eyes shut and step back and when you open them again Elysie is on the ground, clawing at the earth and-

“ELYSIE!!” Julia almost knocks you over as she pushes past and the swarm is eating away at costume, flesh and bone alike. Elysie doesn’t even get to bleed before the Nanovores consume her blood too and Julia, the idiot! What is she-! “Just hold on!!!” She shouts and you watch in horror as Julia reaches for the dissolving Elysie, hand clasping around a jerking wrist and the stupid woman has created a connection. One which the Nanocores greedily take advantage off.

“JULIA!!!” You can’t lose her. Not her. Not her, please. Please.

Julia screams and you want to throw up but there are better times and Elysie is screaming, Themmy is shouting behind you and there’s a panicked bang and flash of bright light and the haunting choir loses a member. Elysie’s body slumps to the ground and her thoughts are silent but Julia is still screaming and you standing frozen as you watch her skin peel back to reveal muscle and blood and a hint of white-

no

No

NO

You scream. One word. A simple word.

“NO!”

And they listen

Arms out before you you release out a guttural roar and the swarm comes to a dead halt. Connected thoughts. A hive mind. You were right. Stop the bulk you stop them all and their buzzing is enough for your skin to feel as if it’s on fire but you are holding them firm.

You will not let go.

Screams taper off yet voices continue to shout but all you can do is stare at the cloud overhead. Stare until your nose starts pouring once more. Stare until you head pounds and your vision doubles. Stare until you hear the sirens at your back. Stare until your legs shake and the containment units are wheeled forth. Stare until your vision begins to grey and the swarm is led into a neutralized field and then, only then, do you allow yourself to release.

Your vision goes dark as you collapse to your knees and you claw at the shadows to stay conscious and something’s changed. You can feel it. Your mind still buzzes and your whole body vibrates and there’s an agonizing throbbing behind your eyes that has you squeezing them shut and –

“Sidestep?” a hand on your shoulder and the touch burns even through your costume as you push your hood back and hunch over. So much blood. Your throat is slick with it. You throw up on the ground barely missing your legs as your hands slap against the hard pavement and the palm on your back pulls away. Your retching doesn’t last long and your bloody bile swims in a nauseating pattern that almost has you repeating the action that birthed it and suddenly there are footsteps around you, blocking you in on all sides. You barely have time to look up before there are hands grabbing at you and you hiss as you pull away and almost fall into the puddle of red as you stumble to your feet.

“Don’t touch me!” your words are garbled and the world tilts as you wipe the back of a hand across your mouth.

“I’m sorry,” Julia apologies and she holds her arms up, raw and dripping blood and who knows what else and you're surprised she's able to move them at all. Themmy takes a step back. You eyes flit between the two until your attention is drawn by the ambulance screeching to a halt as the Containment Team begin to pull away, “But after what you just did we should head to the hospital just to make sure-“

“No,” you interrupt.

“Annie-“

“I said no!” you snap and immediately regret it when a pain so agonizing that your vision sparks white almost has you falling to you knees all over again. You choke down a gasp as your legs shake yet you stay standing and when your vision clears Themmy has stepped towards you.

“Annie,” she looks scared, “Your nose…”

You bring a hand to your face and your nose is dripping. That can’t be good. You need to go. You need to leave before Julia forces you into an ambulance and you must be predictable for the woman’s stance widens even as she grimaces in pain.

“Annie.” Your name is spoken like a warning which you ignore as you pull your mask down, “Don’t-“ You don’t hear the rest.

You’re already running.

Chapter Text

Something is wrong with you and you’re scared.

You’re on your side, curled into the fetal position in your bathtub and you can’t remember how you got home.

Everything aches. Your limbs, your bones, your head. There’s a nausea that has so woven itself into your very being that every time you open your eyes the world tilts at an angle and you have to shut them again to stop from throwing up. Not that it helps. You can taste the bile in your throat and on your lips and you can’t remember throwing up but you must have for your mask is nowhere to be seen and your insides burn. It can’t be healthy. You haven’t eaten since breakfast and at this point you have no idea how long ago that was. Is this even the same day?

You hug yourself as you shiver and you can’t help it. You feel hot and cold and you can hear so goddamn much. The other minds in the apartment complex divebomb you like birds of prey with talons of laughter and living slashing through your shields and flying off with little pieces of your sanity. It’s so loud and their minds aren’t even connected like the Nanovores were but something about you has changed. You can feel it. You mind expanding, powers growing and you can feel and hear so much more than you want to and you just want it to stop.

You think you scream. You must. Hands over your ears and throat feeling raw but perhaps you just threw up again. It’s disgusting but you can’t help it and everything just feels so wrong. There’s vomit in your hair and you can feel it warm against your face for this tub is small and you are not. You don’t think you’ve ever even used it for its intended purpose. You’ve showered, yes. Though you try to avoid that too when you can. You hate looking at yourself. A reason to why there are no mirrors in your rather nice apartment.

You’re hot and sticky, shivering and crying and you should get up. You need to get up because you’re so scared that maybe, in fact, you might be dying. There is so much pressure within your skull you’re convinced that at any moment your head will break apart and all that’ll be left will be fragments of bone plastered on the walls and littering the porcelain tub in which you lay.

Though perhaps you’re just being dramatic.

Regardless of what your addled brain thinks however, one thing you do know for certain is that you need help. You desperately need help and why did you run? Why didn’t you just stay and let them help? Let her help? Your chest shudders as you release a sob and all you can think of now is that if you die here, no one will know. Or well, maybe one person will. Themmy knows where you live but knowing her she would assume you just need some time alone and right now you’d rather be anything but.

/////

There’s a pounding coming from somewhere and you’re not entirely convinced it’s not just your brain. You feel groggy and exhausted and  you must have passed out but whatever ‘sleep’ you got has done little to help. You still feel just as horrible and your fingers dig into the weave of your suit as you hug your legs to your chest. You lay there for a good long while until the pounding ebbs away and you take a slow deep breath before uncurling and slowly, verrrry slowly, sitting up. You cautiously open your eyes and though the world still spins you somehow manage to bear it. You then attempt to stand up but that seems to be pushing your luck as the nausea returns with a vengeance and the only reason you don’t hurt yourself is that you were barely a few inches from the tub before you thud back into sitting. You groan and double over, hand over your mouth as you feel your body convulse and bile rise in your throat before you squeeze your eyes shut and swallow it back down.

You remain seated though you have to grip the edge on the tub to keep from swaying and to give you a sense of being grounded. The barrage of other minds are relentless in their assault on your brain and you try and conjure your shields, to stitch back together what is left of them but only scraps remain. Your head hasn’t ceased it’s throbbing in who knows how long and when you finally manage to open your eyes back up and carefully rise to your feet by using the wall at your back to stabilize you, you find your nose has begun to bleed again. You have to shuffle to the side and brace your hand on the wall in order to step over the lip of the tub, but you manage to do so without falling flat on your face. You only almost trip on your mask once and decide to leave it where it’s discarded by the toilet before you limp out of the bathroom.

You’re immediately assaulted by the harsh sunlight that filters in through your windows and you shield your eyes as you stagger over and close all the blinds. It brings you a small bit of relief and at least you can now stumble through your apartment with your eyes open. Though you don’t get very far before once again your vision swims and you almost collapse onto your sofa. You tip your head forwards as you bring a hand to your nose and watch red drip through your fingers and onto your knees guards. You watch as the droplets slide down the smoothed metal and onto your leg before being soaked up by the fabric. You tilt your head to the side and grimace at the stiffness of your hair as the majority of it moves in one clump. Everything about you feels gross and unclean but you can’t find the willpower or the energy to do anything about it.

And it’s still so loud that you just want to scream.

So you do.

/////

You choke awake with a start to find yourself on the ground, your cheek pressed against the shag rug in your living room. Though your vision is hazy you can see the once white stained a myriad of pink and red and you huff out a breath before rising into a seated position. You can hardly think straight let alone move but when you hear the pounding again you realize that it’s coming from your front door. Another tenant perhaps wondering what all the noise is about? You groan as you place your hands on the ground and get to your feet. If your brain wasn’t so filled with unfiltered thoughts that weren’t yours you would be able to tell but as it is all you can’t pinpoint any one thing. What you can pick up however is a sense of worry and fear though living in Los Diablos that could be coming from more than one person living here. The pounding persists and you grimace as you place a hand to your temple and shuffle for the door. Your head throbs and you want to throw up again and the actual noise of a heavy fist thumping against wood is not helping one bit.

As you reach for the lock you find yourself baring your teeth as your own fear turns to into something primal. You’re at your weakest and you really shouldn’t open the door. Your hand freezes and you know you shouldn’t open the door as you can’t protect yourself and this would be the perfect opportunity for someone to take you away attack you. You jerk your hand back and do your best to clear your throat, parched as it is and burning from lack of fluids and burning bile.

“Who’s there?” you croak and you hardly recognize your own voice.

The pounding stops.

“Annie it’s me.” Anathema, “Please let me in.” Her voice is full of worry, “It’s been almost a week…” A week?! Your head swims again for a whole other reason and you lean against the door breathing heavily. You’ve lost a week in your haze and you’re not getting better fast enough, “Annie?” How long have you been silent? You pull back and your vision momentarily doubles making you fumble as you go to undo the lock but when it finally clicks free you brace yourself, pull the door open, and step back.

Themmy’s eyes lock onto you immediately as she steps into your apartment but you simply step around her to shut the door and lock it before turning and paying her any attention.

“Annie… You…”

“Look like death?” you try to joke but you feel far to close to such a reality for it to come off as humorous. You wrap your arms around yourself as you shiver and lean against the wall.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asks and you would laugh if you weren’t so worried about what else may leave your mouth.

“I’m scared Themmy,” and that simple admission causes your friend to pale and take a step towards you and this time you don’t move. You feel tears brimming in your eyes and you curse your own weakness, “Everything is so loud,” you croak, “I feel sick, nauseous. I can’t stop throwing up, my nose keeps bleeding I can barely stand and I can hear everything,” you spit and your fingers spasm against your arms, “There’s a couple two floors up where the wife is cheating on her husband and she thinks he doesn’t know but he’s already filing for divorce,” your breaths hiccups and Themmy steps closer, “There’s an elderly man a few apartments away who’s wife died during the surge and every night he dreams of her face melting away to the bone before becoming nothing.” Another step and you can feel tears dripping down your cheeks, “And there’s a young boy who lives with his mom below me who’s afraid to let her know he’s failing English and-“ your rambling is cut short as Themmy wraps her arms around you in a tight and warm embrace and you melt into her, body sagging in her grip. You let out a shaky breath as she rubs your back.

“It’s okay,” she reassures you with her voice soft and low, “We’ll figure something out.”

“It’s just too loud here Themmy,” you mumble, “There’s too many people and I can’t be here. I can’t.”

“I…have an idea,” she speaks hesitantly after a few beats, “One you may not exactly like but-“

“As long as it gets me away from here I don’t care,” you interrupt.

“Alright then,” she whispers before pulling away though she grips your arms when you sway, “It starts with cleaning you up,” her smile is a false one though neither of you mentions it, “I recommend a bath.” That makes you freeze entirely.

“Themmy,” you frown and she purses her lips.

“Well do you think you can stand for the entirety of a shower when you have to wash that… whatever it is out of your hair?” You know you wouldn’t be able to. It’s only thanks to Themmy that you’re even standing at all right now.

“It’s vomit,” you admit and you watch her face screw up in a grimace before she can stop the instinctual reaction. You manage a small laugh before closing your eyes and letting your head drop, “But no.”

“That’s what I thought,” her words are admonishing but her tone is kind and she squeezes your arms gently, “It’s okay Annie. Trust me.”

“I do,” you reply as you look up, “It’s just…” you trail off.

“I know,” her smile is sad and her eyes even more so. In the close proximity you share you can feel her thoughts shining true. An image of blood and a flash of orange. She was the one who helped patch you up after all. It doesn’t make it any easier.

“Fine,” your words are short and clipped, you don’t have the energy to be polite though you still feel bad as you know she’s only trying to help, “As long as I can keep my eyes closed.” She smiles at you again a little brighter this time.

“That can be done. Come on then,” she reaches for your hand and you let her take it, “Let’s get this over and done with. Then I can let you in on my plan.”

“Your plan huh?” you reply as she leads you back to the bathroom, “That doesn’t sound ominous at all.” At your front, Themmy chuckles.

/////

Being clean and dressed in fresh clothes has made you feel a bit better. You still feel dizzy and unbalanced but at least now your stink isn’t a factor to any nausea you feel. Though that may change soon.

“Look Annie,” Themmy paces in front of where you sit hunched over on your couch, “You either invite her here to pick you up-“

“-not happening.”

“Why not!?” You watch as Themmy throws her arms up in the air in exasperation, her thoughts a buzzing cloud of annoyance and you lean back into the couch.

“I like my privacy Themmy,” you tell her.

“Annie she’s your girlfriend,” Themmy sighs, “Let her help you.”

“I am letting her help me,” you cross your arms, “I just don’t want her to know where I live.” Because what if one day she becomes someone you can’t trust? That thought sits at the back of your mind even after all you have been through together. You know it’s unfair, don’t you? She’s been nothing but kind and generous and caring but she still works for people who could spell your downfall. And who’s to say she wouldn’t follow an order if it came from someone high enough? You find yourself wiping tears off your face and you frown.

“Hey…” Themmy’s voice is soft and when you look towards her she’s stopped her pacing and is staring at you, worry having overtaken her frustration.

“It’s fine,” you reply, “It’s just with my shields gone my emotions are particularly, well, emotional,” you huff as you look away from the shine in her eyes. You’re both silent for a good long while and you feel your resolve crumble as your strength (what little you had left) leaves your body only to be swiftly replaced by exhaustion, “Fine. Fine. You win,” you look up at Themmy, “Call her. I’ll go pack.” Your friend sighs in relief, the tightness lifting from her frame as she pulls her mobile from the pocket of her overalls.

“Thank you Annie,” she smiles as you slowly rise to your feet.

“Don’t thank me yet,” you reply as you shuffle to your room, “The-“ you check the clock hanging on your kitchen wall, “-night is still young.”

/////

You hear Julia before you see her. She thunders up the stairs to your apartment and you wonder why she didn’t take the elevator if she’s in such a rush? And although you agreed to this (under some duress) you feel incredibly uneasy and the feeling only worsens as Julia draws closer. Nausea. Again. You get to your feet a little too quick from where you’ve been sitting on the sofa and you almost trip over the pack at your feet as you feel your insides flip.

“Annie?” you hear Themmy call your name from the entrance of your home and you wave her off as one hand flies to cover your mouth when your feel your stomach lurch. You rush to the bathroom and slam the door shut at your back before you fall to your knees in front of the toilet and vomit into the white porcelain bowl. Your hands grip the seat hard enough to hurt and you’re dimly aware of another voice calling out in the apartment though the words are lost amongst the reignited turbulence of your mind. It doesn’t take too long for your stomach to settle and by the time you are able to rest your head on the wonderfully cold seat you hear a knocking at the bathroom door. You groan and you didn’t intend for whoever was on the other side to hear but they must have had their ear to the door for it opens and you shift your head to watch Julia as she steps into the tiled room.

Her arms are bandaged from her palms up to her elbows, there’s deep bags under her dull brown eyes and you swear you spy a few grey hairs as she rushes to your side.

“Annie!” You squeeze your eyes shut at the noise and flinch away as the sound of your name seems to bounce off the walls, “Shit. I’m sorry,” she apologizes and you feel her rub small slow circles between your shoulder blades as your sit there with shattered nerves and a broken mind. After a few minutes of this comfortable calm you open your eyes and attempt to stand only for your legs to shake beneath you. Julia’s hand snaps out to grab your arm and you’re not fast enough to step away and so you simply glare at the limb before looking to Julia with nostrils flared, “Just let me help you,” she begs, “Please.”

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

You turn to face her completely before leaning forwards and falling the short distance into her solid frame. You rest your head on her shoulder and she wraps her arms around your waist as you both just stand there swaying from side to side in a gentle rocking motion that for some reason, does not cause your nausea to reappear.

“Are you okay?” she mumbles above you, “That was a stupid question,” she replies to herself and you snort as you pull back to look at her face.

“Are you okay?” you ask her and she gives you a sad smile.

“It could have been worse,” her smile drops, “Much worse.” She places her hands on either side of your face, “You saved me sweetheart.”

“Guess I have one up on you now then,” you reply and she laughs as she brings herself forward to place a soft and warm kiss upon your forehead.

“Guess you do.” Another soft kiss on your lips before she pulls away, “You ready to go?” she asks and you nod.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you reply, “Did you call ahead?”

“Of course I did,” Julia smiles as she gives you a quick kiss on the cheek before turning and heading from the bathroom. You follow her back into the living room where Themmy stands with your backpack in hand and she passes it to Julia. Julia then turns back to you with a smile you’ve missed, “Mama can’t wait to see you.”

Chapter Text

You try and sleep on the drive but it’s too loud. Even when you leave the city limits there are still cars on the road. Each car holds a person and each person (unfortunately) houses a brain and you are bombarded with thoughts unfiltered speeding by so quickly it leaves you with mental whiplash. You end up curling into a ball on the reclined passenger seat, the position made slightly difficult by your seatbelt, and you hold your hands over your ears (as if that would help at all.) You must look a state to the bronze-skinned woman at the wheel but if she says anything you can’t hear her. She had offered you painkillers right before you left and you had smiled sadly up at her as you had spoken.

“Thanks Jules, but they won’t help.” You didn’t have the mental capacity or the strength to explain why and you were relieved when she (very unlike her) did not ask more questions.

The further you get from Los Diablos the quieter it becomes and when you finally feel stable enough to unfurl you peek out the windshield to see the very first rays of sun gracing the deep blue night. How long have you been driving for? You have no idea. Even though each new mind that enters your range at this point seems few and far between there is still a painful throbbing being your eyes accompanied by a particularly aching burst of pain shooting through the left side of your brain. It blurs your vision and makes you wince and each time it pounds in rhythm with your heart you feel a fresh wave of nausea wash over you.

There’s a dull humming to your left that you can’t quite make out and when your vision swims you squeeze your eyes shut and lean forwards as you place your face in your hands and curl your fingers to grip the top of your head. You are not too far gone that you don’t feel the van stop and when the rumble of the engine quiets to be replaced by gentle tones of static you feel yourself breathe a little easier. With each lungful of air you take in the more your senses return to you and by the time you hear the worried tones of Julia trying (and failing) not to panic, the sound is coming from your right. Very carefully you lift your head up and blink long and slow at the rays of light bleeding into the sky.

“Annie?” You turn your head to see Julia kneeling half in the footwell with the passenger door open wide behind her and her hands hovering about you but not touching.

“Mhm?” you reply, not trusting that your words will come out clear.

“How are you feeling?” she asks and you risk a laugh, albeit a small one.

“Like my brain wants to tear itself apart,” you croak and you receive a frown in response, “I keep… trying to piece things back together,” you tell her, “But it’s as if someone’s jammed an ice pick into my temple.” Your vision fogs over and you let out a groan as your fingers spasm and you pull your legs to your chest. You bury your face into your knees as you hug yourself and you try to concentrate on taking deep and even breaths instead of the pinpricks of pain stabbing holes into your already fragile shields, “Shit,” you curse, your voice muffled.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Julia asks and she sounds so concerned that you wish she could. Until you remember she can.

“Just keep on driving,” you tell her, “The quicker we get to the Ranch the quicker-“ when you lift your head up to look at her your vision doubles and the two Julia’s at your front pale.

“Annie, your nose.”

You lift a hand to touch your face and when you move away your fingers are coated red. You grimace at the blood and hear a shuffling before a bunch of tissues are pressed into your shaking hands.

“Thanks,” you mumble as you hold them to your nose and stare down at your feet.

“That’s not a good sign. Is it?” Julia asks.

“Nope,” you reply with a short chuckle.

“Annie,” she starts and you know that tone, “Maybe we should go back. Get you to a hospital.”

“No,” you reply with your voice flat and your eyes hard when you look at her.

“But-“

“I said no Julia,” you hiss, “And if you mention it again I’ll get out of this car and walk to the damn Ranch myself.” You wouldn’t make it far. You’re not even confident you’d be able to stand right now. You watch Julia sigh and hang her head before she gets to her feet.

“And if I offered you some painkillers now?” she starts and you shrug.

“They wouldn’t make a difference either way,” you tell her, “But if it’ll make you feel better, then sure.” She looks as if she’s wanting to argue but her mouth snaps shut as she smirks.

“Shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” she huffs a laugh and as you watch her dig around in the pocket of her jeans you frown.

“What did you just say?” you ask, holding out the one free hand you have.

“Shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth?” Julia gives you a strange smile as she passes you the silver packet, “It’s a saying,” she laughs most likely upon seeing the look of confusion on your face.

“A strange one,” you reply and you reach for the water bottle you know to be in the center console, pop 3 tablets onto your tongue and wash them down with a mouthful of water. Julia laughs again before she shuts the door, rounds the car, and gets back into the driver’s seat.

“You’re a strange one,” she shoots at you as she turns the keys and the engine roars to life. You wince at even that much of a sound and hope she doesn’t notice.

“You can’t be mean to me,” you pout, “I’m hurt.” But you can’t keep the laugh from leaving you as the van begins to roll back onto the road. You take a deep breath and flip the visor down as the vehicle picks up speed. When you pull the tissues away from your face you go cold.

Your nose is still pouring.

+++++

Her words are sweet and sticky and you cling to her side, desperate to receive her praise.

She gives it. Tells you how good you are. How proud she is and you are grinning up at her.

And then you are looking down at her, smiles gone, warm feeling gone.

You have realized far too late that it was not honey that eased your worries and kept you here but tar. Black and sticky and dragging you down until you cannot breathe.

You can’t breathe.

You can’t-

You jolt forwards with a gasp, smacking your forehead on the vizor and cursing as you fall back into your seat.

“Are you okay?” Julia speaks and when you look at her she looks at you momentarily before turning her attention back to the road.

“I’m fine,” you grumble.

“Bad dream?”

“I wasn’t asleep,” you reply to which Julia chuckles.

“Could’ve fooled me.” You weren’t asleep. You don’t think? You certainly don’t remember falling asleep.

“How far have we got to go?” you ask and you settle back into the seat, closing your eyes as the pain inside your skull hums to life.

“A few hours at least. We’ll have to stop for gas beforehand.” You groan, “Sorry!”

“I’m not liable for any damages the interior of this van will suffer when I throw up in it.”

“When??” Julia laughs and you crack an eye open to glare at her. It’s quiet outside. You can’t see any cars and the only thoughts bouncing around inside your head are your own, which while no less dangerous, at least they don’t make you feel like clawing at covered skin. There’s a sudden burst of sound and you jump, head snapping to where the radio has come to life and the fast movement has your vision swimming. You swallow down the nausea and while staring at Julia (who spares you a quick glance before very quickly looking away), you reach out and turn it off. The silence that stretches out after is tense and you cross your arms as you squeeze your eyes shut and fight the urge to curl up once more, “Sorry,” comes the mumbled apology a few beats later. You don’t reply as you turn your head away and focus on keeping your breathing steady against the beating of your heart.

/////

Time is behaving weirdly for you.

It stretches like the silence and it feels like more than a few hours has passed but you’re only now just pulling into a gas station off the side of the highway. It’s disconcerting and unnerving but what can you do? You don’t even know what you’ve done to yourself.

“Alright,” Julia speaks up as she slows to a stop beside a pump, “I’ll head in and get some snacks before filling up. I’ll grab the key from the worker in case you need to use the bathroom.” You give her a nod, grimacing as you sit up.

“I’ll get out and stretch my legs. I won’t wander too far,” you tell her as you unclip your seatbelt and open the door. You swing your legs out and close your eyes briefly as your vision seems to keep turning before you take a breath and step out onto the loose gravel ground. Shutting the door behind you you give Julia what you hope is a placating enough smile when she walks past and into the store. There’s no one else about except the attendant inside and all you can hear from their thoughts is a monotonous stream of tired mumblings and looped lyrics. You sigh and tilt your head back as you stretch your arms out and your world turns fuzzy as you do so, causing you to stumble, your back hitting the side of the van. Shit. You hope she didn’t see that.

“Here.” Your eyes snap open (when had you closed them?), to see Julia holding out a set of keys attached to which is a plush toilet the size of your fist. You take them with a tilted smile.

“Brave of them,” you mutter before grimacing at the splotches of brown (hopefully dirt) on the toy, “Gross.” Julia laughs as she opens the passenger door and throws the snacks she has bought into your footwell.

“Just don’t think about it too hard,” she chuckles, leaning forwards to place a kiss on your brow. You smile and when she pulls back she takes your head in her hands with a frown creasing the space between her brows, “I’m worried about you Annie,” she speaks softly and you close your eyes against her sadness before slipping from her grip.

“Let’s just get to the Ranch okay?” you tell her as you grip the key tightly and spare her a glance, “I’ll be fine Jules,” you give her a smile but you can feel the expression waver on your face. You turn around and start towards the bathroom before she has a chance to once again try and change your mind, and your steps quicken when you see another car pull off the highway and park by the pump closest to the store. You try to ignore the chatter of the two occupants’ minds’ as you fumble with the key before slotting it into the lock, turning it, and stepping inside.

You don’t even need to use the restroom. You just want some space.

The toilet cubicles span the wall on your right and to your left is a row of grimy looking sinks topped by mirrors (surprisingly) intact. You head to the sink farthest from the door and drop the key into the porcelain basin before bracing your hands on its side and lifting your head to look at your reflection. You truly do look like shit. The green of your irises is dull and lifeless and the exhaustion in your gaze evident by the dark bags that hang beneath your eyes. You spy a fleck of blood still crusted within a nostril and you grimace as you dig it out with a finger and watch it float down into the sink. There’s blood on your shirt too. You hope you won’t have to throw it out.

There’s a buzzing in your ears that has you grimacing against the pain it stirs inside your skull. You squeeze your eyes shut and drop your head when nausea descends on you like a swarm and the minds of those not clouded by static seem so much louder now that you want to scream. But you can’t don’t. Instead you take a deep breath, which you immediately regret when you feel bile rising up your throat. Shit. You don’t want to throw up here. Julia would know and she’s already worried enough as it is.

The mind of the station attendant is buzzing just on the other side of the wall and their mumblings have become a rumble, the constant stream of pop songs a raging rock band. There’s another as well, walking through the aisles and browsing what meager snack options the station has to offer. One of the newcomers. You frown. Where’s the other?

As if the universe has it out for you (and at this point what other explanation could there be?) the door to the restroom swings open. You don’t need to guess who it is when their thoughts are as busy as a Los Diablos street in the middle of the day. The sink groans beneath you when you lean further into it and you need to leave but you’re frozen to the spot. You feel them hesitate, their eyes on you and you know they open their mouth to speak but the buzzing in your ears prevents you from hearing what they say and all you want is for it to stop.

You want them to stop.

Just stop.

Just STOP.

The stream of thoughts cuts off so suddenly that your arms tremble and you almost collapse with relief as the weight of another’s consciousness is lifted from your mind. But then you hear a dull thud that has you opening your eyes and turning to see the body of the newcomer slumped on the floor. The buzzing in your ears has turned to ringing and your eyes are wide as you hold your breath.

Oh shit. Shit!! Was that you?? You didn’t mean- You were just- Are they still alive??

You don’t move from your spot but you don’t have to. You prod gently at their mind with your feelers and although they are quiet there is still something to poke at. Asleep. Unconscious. Whatever you want to call it but they’re out cold with their cheek pressed against the disgusting tiled floor, their limbs splayed as if they were a puppet whose strings you have just cut. You’re shaking even though it’s not cold. Your head pounds so hard that for a moment your vision greys out and when it clears you find yourself bent over a sink and throwing up into the basin. There’s blood mixed in with the bile and when your stomach is empty and all you are doing is dry retching you look up to see your nose pouring a new stream of blood and further staining your shirt. You need to leave. Now.

You dip into the cubicle closest to you and wrench the flimsy toilet roll holder from the wall as you take what’s left of the roll, looping a long stream of paper around your hand before pressing it to your face. You don’t even look at the body as you step around it, throw open the restroom door and walk hastily back to the car.

“Annie what’s wrong?” You hear Julia ask and as you see her hang up the hose you shake your head, open the passenger door and slam it shut as you sit down. Not the smartest move as the sound echoes inside your skull and makes you want to throw up again but you’re trying not to panic or to think about the stranger you left alone in the dimly lit, unwashed restroom. You click your belt on and then lean forwards with the paper to your face as you hear Julia get in, “Annie? Annie please say something!”

“Just go Julia,” you tell her with your eyes squeezed shut.

“Are you okay-“

“Julia just get us the fuck out of here!” you snap as you glare at her and you wince at both your tone and the pain that sparks behind your eyes. Julia falls silent and you brace one hand against the door as you hear the wheels spin against gravel before the van shoots off. Leaving the crowded minds and your sins behind you.

/////

You’ve always preferred the calm of silence but this is not that. There’s no comfort to be found in this quiet just a tense aura that has you clenching your fists and steeling your heart. You can see Julia sneaking glances at you out the corner of your eye while her hands grip the steering wheel so tightly that you know it has to hurt.

“Annie,” the sound of your name shatters the silence and you jump, “You smell like vomit. Something happened, didn’t it?” You squeeze your eyes shut. Question after question like a hammer sending nails into a coffin, dull thudding and all, like the nails are being driven through your skull instead of a wooden casket, “Annie please,” Julia begs and one of your hands drops to grip the top of your thigh, “Please just tell me what’s going on otherwise I can’t-“

“I don’t know!” you raise your voice to a not quite shout, “I don’t know what happened and I don’t know if I’m okay,” you continue as you drop the blood-soaked paper to the floor and sit back into your seat, turning your head to look at Julia, “I don’t know what’s going on with me and I’m scared.” You hate how your voice breaks at the end and you hate even more that you’re lying to her when all she wants is to help but to tell her the truth would reveal more than you’re willing to admit. Because you have an idea of what’s happening, and the road ahead will not be easy. For anyone, “All I do know is that I’m tired and I’m hurting and Julia Ortega-“ you snap when you see her open her mouth, “If you so much as mention the hospital, as soon as this car stops I will start running and you will never see me again.”

“I was going to offer you some sleeping pills,” she speaks with her eyes on the road and her fingers flexing and you deflate as your anger leaves you.

“I’m sorry,” you grimace, “I’m just…”

“I know,” she cuts you off and offers you a gentle smile.

“Thank you. But I’d rather not be drugged up while we’re still moving.” Just in case, “Once we get to the Ranch however, then I’ll take as many of those suckers as I can.” You attempt a laugh but you just end up coughing and the cough tapers off into a groan as a fire ignites inside your skull. You slump back into the seat with your eyes closed, “Shit,” you mumble.

“Not much longer to go. Just try and rest okay?” Julia tells you and you peek over to see her lips downturned and brows furrowed.

“I’ll do my best,” you breathe as you cling to her rustle of static like a raft on the open sea.

+++++

“You’re so much better than the rest, my little bird,” she tells you one day, “My best subject.” She parades before you but you just keep on looking straight ahead. Her mind is a flurry of slippery thoughts and noise and when she comes to a stop at your front, you hold your breath, “So compliant…” she hums as she takes a hand and lifts your arm, lithe fingers tracing the lines of orange that stain your skin, “You’re going to be-“

“Hey Annie?” A hand touches your shoulder and your eyes snap open as you jerk away and only just manage to resist lashing out at Julia who takes a step back when you fly awake. It takes you a few seconds of rapid blinking and wiping at your eyes before you realize that the van has stopped. But not for another pit-stop. As you unclip your belt and take the hand Julia offers to help you from the car you look around at the wide-open fields and the long drive-way at the end of which you have stopped.

The Ranch.

“Hello you two!” you turn around as Julia lets go to see the familiar smiling face of Tia Elena as she steps down the steps from her front porch and embraces her daughter. Her thoughts are all sunshine and happiness and you squint against her light and take a few steps back. As she disentangles herself from Julia’s arms and steps to the side to lock her gaze on your tall form you give her a small smile.

“Hi Tia,” you greet her and you were wrong before to think her thoughts were only visages of good weather as her mind turns cloudy and dour, sunshine disappearing behind a roiling mass of black. You shiver against the storm and wrap your arms around yourself as she steps towards you but makes no move to reach out.

“Annie, mi querida,” she greets you with clasped hands you know ache to hold yours, “How are you?” she gives you a smile but you can see the sadness held within her gaze.

“I’ll be better once I’m able to sleep this migraine off,” you tell her, “Speaking of…” you trail off as you look towards the home.

“Of course,” she smiles and sweeps her arms towards the house.

“I’ll show you to the spare room,” Julia tells you and you don’t bother to mention that you haven’t forgotten where it is, “Mama, do you mind grabbing our bags please?” Julia asks as she starts towards the house.

“Of course, my love,” you hear Elena respond as you follow behind Julia. You think you hear Elena speak again, but her voice sounds far too much like the wind for you to be able to pick up her words.

/////

You’re sitting on the edge of the bed and kicking your shoes off when Julia walks in holding a shirt.

“Now I know it’s not exactly your style,” she says as she holds the article of clothing up for you to get a better look… and of course its Sidestep merch. You roll your eyes, “But you can’t be sleeping in that shirt,” she nods at you and you look down at the dried blood creating a spotted trail down your front. Pulling your arms in through the sleeves you pull you shirt up over your head, leaving you in your long-sleeved Tee, and throw it at Julia who catches it with ease and a grin.

“Give that here then,” you shake your head as you hold out your arm and she hands you the merch which you pull on and then turn to her, “How do I look?” you raise a brow as Julia looks you up and down.

“Like a groupie,” she grins.

“Ass,” you snort a short laugh before you sigh, “So those sleeping pills?”

“Ah yes. Hold on.” You watch as Julia drops your top before reaching into a back pocket, “So I recommended only taking one as they are pretty strong-“

“And how many do you take?” you cut her off with an unimpressed expression that turns into a grimace when a spark of pain flashes through you as she pulls out a pill bottle.

“…More than one,” she replies sheepishly as she hands the container to you. You know she has trouble sleeping much the same as you (though not for the same reasons), but unlike you she can see a Doctor, get medicine prescribed and get better. You just have to power through it. Most of the time. Right now however you want need to sleep and so you twist the lid open and dry swallow three pills, “Whoa, Annie-“ You toss the bottle back to Julia as you stretch your arms above you before rolling your head.

“I’ll be fine Jules.” You just want to sleep without the dreams, “And it’s not like anything worse can happen to me,” you huff a laugh before your last dregs of humor fade as a knowing feeling crawls along your skin, “Just…” you trail off. You feel an obligation to warn her but you don’t know how to frame your words in a way that won’t have her asking questions you’re not prepared to answer, “Try and steer Elena clear of the room okay?” you finally say. Because occasionally, on nights after days of extreme peril or during times when everything is not quite right about you, your thoughts bleed into the open. Like what happened at the gas station. And a mind fogged by sleep-

“Should I be worried?” Julia chuckles as she squeezes your shoulder and you tense up.

“You should be fine,” you tell her as you stare at your hands folded in your lap, fingers wringing together as Julia rounds to your front.

“Is this… Does this have something to do with what happened while I was pumping gas?” Your refusal of an answer seems answer enough and Julia crouches down, taking your hands in hers and you finally look up at her face. She’s smiling gently at you with far more love in the warmth of her eyes than you feel you deserve, “Hey,” she whispers as she reaches for your face, “We’ll get through this okay? We’ve been through worse.” She swipes her thumbs over your cheeks and you rest a hand over hers as you lean into her touch. She’s not wrong. But with every bad thing that has happened to you it feels like each event is more horrid than the last and the good times seems further away and harder to find. Not that that means much right now while you are being cared for. Being loved. You close your eyes with a sigh and a smile.

“Do you mind staying with me until I fall asleep?” you mumble as you squeeze her hand.

“I would love nothing more,” comes Julia’s reply. You pull away and scoot up the bed, slipping  your legs beneath the thin sheets and adjusting the pillows to how you like before laying your head upon them, “Comfy?” your girlfriend smiles as she lays atop the covers next to you.

You roll onto your side to face her and you’re so close you can feel her breath upon your face. You never thought in a million years that you would be able to have this. Someone who cares about you and who will care for you and while your chest feels like it’ll burst open with all these feelings you are storing behind your ribs, there’s a small seedling of fear that grows in the center. Yes, you know Julia loves you. But would she still if she knew you for what you really were?

“Hey,” a hand upon your cheek has you flinching before you blink your film-covered eyes, “It’s just me,” she speaks softly and slowly and the pain in your head is starting to ease as the first tendrils of a fog begin to creep over your mind.

“It’s just you…” you mumble, your voice soft and sleep filled.

“Sleep Annie.” Julia leans in and places a kiss to your forehead, “I’ll be here.”

And you believe her.

+++++

Your dreams are shallows and filled with whispers, visions just beyond your reach and slipping through your fingers whenever you try to grasp at them. You’re running as fast as you can. Faster than you ever have in your short existence. You’re burning up. Your legs are numb and your lungs are aching but the pain means nothing and you just keep on going-

“Annie?”

You’re hard-pressed to open your eyes. They feel like they’ve been stuck together for an eternity and you groan softly when you finally manage to pry your lids loose.

“Hey sweetheart…” a soft voice at your side and someone helps you sit up in bed, their broad hand pressed between your shoulder blades, “I need you to take these for me okay?” There’s a hand in front of you. Two hands? No, that’s just your eyes playing tricks on you. You squeeze them shut and when they open again your vision is a tad clearer. Clear enough for you to see two small round pills sitting in the palm of Julia’s hand. You part your lips to speak but your tongue feels glued to the roof of your mouth and you let out a cough instead, “You have a fever.” Impossible, “This should help to keep it down.” You don’t get fevers. But when you bring a hand to your own forehead you feel it slick with sweat and hot to the touch. Partnered with the fact that your head is a swirling miasma of throbbing pain and broken dreams, you’re fighting to keep your eyes from rolling into the back of your skull.

You reach out and take the pills, popping them into your mouth and the hand from your back vanishes before you are handed a glass of water.

“Drink this with them.” You do and your tongue is freed as you almost choke on the water you drink greedily with fingers wrapped around the glass, “Slow down there,” Julia chuckles and you gasp for air when the glass is empty.

“Thanks,” you croak as you rest back against the headrest with eyes closed. The weight on the bed next to you disappears and the static ebbs away only to return a few moments later as something cool and heavy is laid over your forehead. You sigh with relief and feel the tension you had been holding slowly melt away as the damp cloth drips water down your face, “That’s nice…” you mumble with a smile. There’s a hand holding yours but the touch is too much and so you pull away.

“Sorry,” Julia says and you crack an eye open. It’s dark outside and she’s wearing clothes different to those you remember and you turn your head to look for the clock on the bedside table. 3:30am it reads, the bright green numbers an affront to your eyes and so you decide to look at Julia instead. She looks as tired as you still feel and you frown, “What?” she asks with a smile.

“Thank you,” you tell her, “For taking care of me.”

“You did save my life. Again,” she smirks, “We’ll just take it in turns alright?” and that elicits a laugh from you.

“Sure,” you chuckle as you reach for her despite your arm groaning in protest, “Just don’t you going dying on me, with all your heroics and stupidity. You idiot.”

“No promises,” she squeezes your hand and you remove the cloth as you feel sleep descend on you. You shuffle into laying down and Julia lets your hand go in favour of brushing a sweat-soaked strand of orange from your face. As your head hits the pillow and you close your eyes you hear her mumble something you don’t quite catch.

“What was that?” you ask with words slurred and you hear her chuckle.

“Nothing,” she says in a way that suggests anything but, “Got to sleep sweetheart. You’re safe here.” And you drift off to sleep wrapped in the relief of knowing you are being watched over and comforted by the knowledge that Julia would never let anything bad happen whilst she stands guard.

Chapter Text

It’s like the Nanosurge all over again but at least this time your nose isn’t pouring and your head doesn’t pound like someone’s taken a hammer to your skull. You’re still on your feet and you haven’t felt the need to curl up or cry but there’s something snaking just below the surface of your thoughts and even now, as you stand over a bathroom sink, you can taste the acrid blood coating your tongue and sliding down your throat. You can feel it, warm and wet tasting like the sweetest ambrosia until the truth makes itself known far too late and they’ve got you in their clutches. You retch and spit into the sink and all that passes through your lips is your own saliva but then why can you still taste their ichor pooling in your mouth? Why does your body still hold a weightlessness to it that you cannot explain? And why does your skin itch as if you’re are still caught in their field?

You grip the sides of the sink, fingers curling against the slick ceramic and as you look down into the basin the plug hole seems to stretch and elongate and you feel as if you are falling down, down down… You want to close your eyes to make it stop but you can’t seem to do anything more than stare as your vision begins to spiral and segment and in each of those broken chunks you are treated to the memory of other bathrooms. Other times. The colours are distorted and disjointed and the scenes swim as if looked at through a curtain of water and you have no idea if where you stand now is the present of the past or something else altogether.

For the briefest of moments you hear the bursting static of an old motel tv and as the sink pulls back into focus it flickers between clean and clear white porcelain, and an off white plastic base stained red but by blood long since spilt.

You lift your head to face your reflection, the glass seeming to shatter before your eyes showing one red-rimmed, pupil blown wide. While the other stares back with a cold detachment and shining an unnatural shade of green. Your eyes no longer. Your hands are shaking and the miasma is parted as you reach for your mirror cabinet knowing the pills you have stashed but your hand grasps at nothing where it should have grabbed onto the lip of the door and you frown, blinking away completely the downpour of not quite memories.

Hang on. This isn’t your bathroom. Where…?

You turn and step, hitting your hip against a towel rail that shouldn’t be where it is and you would be worried if you weren’t so damn confused. Where the hell are you? You can feel your brain sluggishly trying to catch you up on the here and now but your thoughts feel like they are anchored and dragging and that only serves to stoke a spark of annoyance within you.

Why does this shit keep happening? Your mind splitting and only being held together by wounds still raw and scars still healing.

Whose fucking bathroom is this??

The light overhead buzzes and when there’s knock at the door you stumble towards it, grabbing the handle and wrenching it open to a round face and a mane of frizzy orange hair.

“What’s wrong?” Anathema asks as you stare down at her with questions swirling and hands gripping the doorframe. What’s wrong? Everything. Everything.

“I…” you start but don’t know how to continue and all Themmy does is look up at your with pity in her eyes and worry in her mind, “Don’t look at me like that,” you mumble as you regain your voice and step out of the bathroom into Themmy’s apartment. You feel exhausted. Your limbs are heavy and leaden and each step you make takes actual effort. You rub your face and yawn as you trek towards her kitchen and you can’t remember the last time you got a good night’s sleep. You don’t think you ever have really. Not even when you’ve been safe within the arms of another. Or maybe that just your fluctuating thoughts talking. Whatever. Right now you just need something to help make the spinning stop and this may not be your apartment but you’ve been in Themmy’s often enough that you know where she keeps the goods. She doesn’t stop you as you pull open the cupboards and retrieve your bounty but you can feel the scorching of her eyes upon your back making your skin itch and burn, “I can feel you staring at me,” you tell her, shutting the cupboard hard enough to make you both jump.

“So?” she replies and you groan as you turn to face her.

“So stop,” you reply as you twist the cap of the bottle and empty a few pills onto your waiting hand. Anathema’s eyes flit to your palm and then back up to your face and you pause with your hand halfway to your mouth, “What?” you ask her with a frown and her eyes of green are vibrant and alert as they lock onto yours, “Anathema, what?” you reply firmer this time as you feel the sudden need to be defensive. You’re staring at each other without movement and without words and you watch as Anathema’s mouth opens to speak before your view of the kitchen changes in an instant. Your feelers had crept out without your notice (how??), wrapping themselves almost lovingly around the other in the room and as your vision sparks and flickers you see two separate views. And it takes you a few seconds to realize that you can see yourself through her eyes. It’s disconcerting and nausea rolls your stomach but you get a glimpse of your own form, eyes shadowed and back hunched, clothes and hair a mess. There’s a scowl on your face and a glint in your eyes that scares you. And it takes the realization that that fear is not yours to snap you back into your own mind. You raise your hands to rub at your temples as you shut your eyes and take a sharp breath, willingly the pain to ease up as you speak, “I’m sorry,” you mumble as you drag a hand down over your face “I’m just…”

“Confused?” Themmy offers and when you open your eyes you see her smile through your bleary vision.

“I don’t remember much. After-.”

“You drank their blood. Didn’t you?” A cold shock runs up your spine and once more without your doing so the feelers of your mind lash out like barb-tipped whips, causing Themmy to wince and step back from something not visible to you. You heart thuds painfully inside your chest and it’s so much harder than it should be to reign yourself back in. Part of you doesn’t want to. And that scares you. A heavy silence hangs in the air and your arms hang by your sides and you stare for an unnaturally long amount of time at the Ranger at your front before she speaks in a low and gentle tone, “I think you need to sit down Annie.” She steps aside and you nod mutely, leaving the kitchen and rounding the counter to almost collapse into a soft backed sofa as soon as your feet hit the rug of her living room. Your hands are balled into fists you don’t remember making and when your fingers unfurl you see the small pills sitting calmly in the center of your palm, “Annie? You with me?” Themmy’s voice rouses you from a daze and you lift your head slowly to gaze into her eyes as you give her a nod, “Good,” she lets out a breath and takes a seat opposite, “And I wouldn’t take those if I were you,” she nods down at where your fingers twitch above the tablets three.

“I just want to sleep Themmy. Without dreams and without-“ without the screaming. Though that part doesn’t need to be said. There’s been enough carnage seen by you both for her to understand the meaning in the silence.

“Annie,” the look she sends your way is burdened with worry and a hint of fear that you don’t quite understand, “You’ve been sleeping on and off for days.”

“I have?” your voice sounds strange to your own ears, far away and muffled and you squeeze your eyes shut as your drop the pills to the rug in favour of running your shaking hands through your tangled curls, “Give me a moment…” you mumble as you struggle to reclaim the memories that your experience seems to have robbed from you.

They return slowly like the trickling of a stream begging for rain.

You had dragged Julia from the compound amidst the sound of screaming sirens and shouting figures. There had been a smell in the air pungent and thick, filling your nose and clouding your senses and you had tried to run but whichever way you turned there seemed to be some sort of obstacle blocking your path. Your vision had been doubling, your legs were unsteady and there had been a primal fear that had been crawling up your spine and had rendered you unable to focus your thoughts enough to plan an escape. And then a hand had grabbed yours firmly and had refused to let go even though you had tried to pull yourself free on instinct.

Short fingers. No gloves. Light skinned and covered in freckles.

“I know you’d rather be alone right now Annie but you can’t. It’s not safe,” Anathema had told you the moment the two of you had entered her apartment and you don’t remember the trip there. Just that your legs were shaking and your vision refused to focus no matter how hard you tried.

“I’m never safe,” you recall replying but your lips didn’t move right. Your mouth had burned just as it buzzes now and even the cold beer offered to you at the time had done little to wash away the foul taste of blood that wasn’t just that.

Time had stopped and started, things had looked different, felt strange and alien and now, rooted in the present once more you lift your head from your hands to look around at the living room and it still does. Nothing seems quite like it was.

Yourself or your surroundings.

“Annie?”

“I’m here,” you reply and you don’t say you’re okay because you’re not, “How’s Julia?” you ask because you don’t want to talk about yourself anymore.

“Alive,” Themmy takes the bait, “Still recovering but she’s healing.”

“How many days have I been here?” you ask with a frown in hopes that knowing the time you’ve spent in a fugue state will help you feel grounded.

“Almost a week,” Themmy replies and you close your eyes, “As I said you’ve been asleep for most of it. And Julia’s been calling,” she gives you a light-hearted smirk, “I can only hold her off for so long before she drags herself back here against the Doctor’s orders.”

“Okay,” you breathe and you wiggle your toes as you look down at your sock covered feet, “Okay,” you give a nod, “I should… I should go see her then,” you rise from your seat as does Themmy, “I need to see know she’s okay.”

“Easier said then done my friend.” Your eyes narrow, “She’s gone to the Ranch,” Themmy offers up with a shrug and a placating smile, “She wanted you to go with her and I had to tell her that you weren’t up to it yet.”

“I am now.”

“Are you though?” she shoots back and the prickle of annoyance becomes an itch.

“That’s not your decision to make Anathema.” You need to know she’s alright. You have to know.

“Alright then dumbass. How are you getting there?” her face screws up as she places hands on her hips.

“I’ll drive,” you reply just with clipped words just as defiant and she scoffs before throwing out an arm.

“Do something for me first then Annie. Walk in a straight line.”

“What? Are you a cop all of a sudden?” you bark a laugh, “I haven’t been drinking.”

“Then you’ll have no problem won’t you?” she tilts her head and her gaze is poisonous as she glares at you before jerking her head to the side, “Go on.”

“Fine,” you grumble against the smugness her thoughts are radiating, “If it’ll make you happy.” You turn from her with your head held high but even as you look across the room you know you wouldn’t be able to pass even the easiest of cognitive tests. You vision swims and tilts and as you go to place one foot in front of the other you trip over your own feet. It’s only thanks to Themmy who stands close by that you don’t fall completely, “I haven’t drunken anything,” you protest as you right yourself with a frown on your face and a weight inside your chest. Because you haven’t. But that’s not the issue. You know it’s not. And you know she does to.

“I know Annie,” she gives you a soft smile while her eyes shine, “I know you haven’t and I know you’re confused and probably scared although knowing you you would never admit that. But I just need you to understand that the Void is-was, dangerous,” Themmy’s voice is stern and her grip is iron-clad as her fingers dig into your shoulders, “And that if you did drink their blood then there’s a chance that you’re- you’d be-“ Not you. She doesn’t speak the words but there’s no need to as her worry shines clearly at the forefront of her mind.

You understand her suspicions and her fears because you feel the same dread sew itself upon your soul. Because you remember seeing the same turmoil reflected back at you from the minds of the Rangers who stayed upon the field as you had hauled an almost dead weight from an underground bunker thought impenetrable. You understand because you don’t feel quite like you with this newfound anger simmering below the surface of your skin and with eyes of toxic green that shine back at you from a face covered. The colour isn’t so far from what they were but in a way that makes it worse. It makes you feel like this is what was always destined to happen. And that despite all your fighting, all the good you’ve done in the name of freedom you were always meant to hurt-

“Hey. Annie?”

You blink rapidly. You’re sitting down. When did you do that?

“I’m sorry,” you apologize although what for you have no idea.

“You don’t-“ a sigh, “Look,” Themmy crouches down in front of you so that her face is level with your own, “Julia’s at the Ranch. Let me drive you there. Okay?” Your hands are gripping your knees with nails- wait. You’re missing some. Oh. Yes. That’s right. You remember now. You wish you didn’t. Cold trickling down the back of your neck and Themmy rests her hands atop your own, “I’ll drive you to the Ranch Annie. Okay?” she squeezes your hands hard enough to get your attention and you give it to her.

“Okay,” you reply and she gives you another smile before pulling back, “I’ll need to go to my apartment and pack a bag first,” you say to her back as she turns and heads into her spare room while you push yourself up from the seat.

“Already done!” she replies, returning to your view with a duffel bag held aloft.

“When did you-?”

“I nipped to your place while you were asleep and packed the essentials,” Anathema hoists the strap of the bag over her head and lets it settle on her shoulder and pull tight across her chest.

“You left me alone?” you ask with eyes wide while your brows shoot upwards.

“Of course not,” she replies and you follow as she grabs her keys and picks up your shoes from the floor, “Sentinel kept watch.” She throws your footwear to you and you don’t even bother untying the laces as you pull them on. Themmy unlocks her front door and you stretch your arms up over your head, “I’ll let the others know you’re taking a break too.” You want to tell her she doesn’t have to but what does it matter either way? So you only nod at her back as you follow behind her and stand to the side as she shuts and locks her door with a resounding click, “Ready?” she looks up at you and you nod.

“As I’ll ever be.”

/////

“I’m sorry for not coming into the compound with you,” Themmy’s voice is soft against the gentle hum of the radio and the simmering water of your thoughts.

“I’m not,” you reply and it’s the truth. You roll your head to look at her and in between the flashes of your vision you see another at the wheel. Bronze skin slicked with sweat and face consumed by worry and when you blink the present reasserts itself.

“Why?” you hear Themmy choke out as she keeps her eyes glued to the road.

“If you had come in with us you could have gotten hurt.”

“I’m invulnerable you idiot,” she huffs and you roll your eyes with a smile.

“Physically yes,” you reply, “But otherwise?” you ask and you watch her tense in her seat, “Having to go back to a place where you spent the worst of your days?” She told you about her time with the Cult years ago and you’ve done your best since to forget the images of bodies writhing in pain and spitting up blood. You don’t need any more nightmares then the ones your past already offers. But her thoughts have been so close to the surface recently that you haven’t been able to help but pick up on her memories and you hate it. You feel as if you’ve betrayed her trust in some way as you’ve always done your best not to pry but times are trying and you’re only getting stronger, “And who’s to say-“ you continue when Themmy stays silent behind the wheel, “That you wouldn’t have frozen up as soon as you had to face them?”

“I…” a sigh, “I guess you’re right,” she replies and you grin at her from your reclined position.

“I always am.”

“Smartass.”

“You love me.”

“Hmm. Debatable.”

“Are you going to stay at the Ranch with us?” you ask as suddenly as the question pops into your mind and although the reply is not forthcoming you already know what Themmy’s answer will be

“Nah. I… I can’t,” Themmy shakes her head before gracing you with a weak smile. You knew her answer. But what you don’t know, what you can’t gleam from the surface thoughts you will dig no further than, is her reason.

“Why?” you ask her with a frown as you reach down for the lever to tilt your seat upright.

“Because you two need to heal.” Bullshit.

“Bullshit,” you blurt out and you see Themmy’s eye twitch, “You need to as well and the Ranch has always been the perfect place to do so.”

“I can do just as well back in the city and out here, being around you it just…” she looks away, taking her eyes off the road for long enough that you’re tempted to reach out and grab the wheel, “I’ve seen you at your lowest Annie.” She hasn’t, “And with what happened to you after the Nanosurge? I can’t stop thinking about that place.” You know she can’t. You’ve been doing your best to ignore the whirlwind of green shielding her mind but that’s beside the point.

“I’m better than I was then,” you tell her because you are. You can’t explain it and you’re not sure you want to. And although, yes, your mind is splintering as you sit in the passenger seat of her old station wagon you are still, somehow, miraculously, keeping it together.

“I can see that,” she replies, eyes now focused forwards, “But I don’t want to risk anything.” Eyes of green. How close did she get? How much blood did she take? Thoughts not your own. You close your eyes and lay back into the seat with a groan.

“Fine then!” you reply, “But you’re the one who’s going to tell Elena that her third favorite person isn’t staying for dinner.” You’ll know she’ll be making lunch. No way will Themmy get out of that one

“Third favorite?!” you hear Themmy give a mock gasp and you crack an eye open as you grin at her, “Who’s the first then?”

“Well me of course,” you stick your tongue out at the other redhead and she cackles loudly, the sound bouncing off the worn interior off the car as she continues to speed down the highway.

/////

Your eyes snap open as the car pulls to a stop. You don’t remember falling asleep but the monotony of open-roaded driving while the sun beats down warm and inviting always seems to always be a sure-fire way to lure to from the land of waking.

“You alright?” Themmy asks as you hear the click of her seatbelt unfastening.

“Yeah,” you shake your head as you do the same, banishing the fading dream completely. You don’t even try to recall what it had been about. You yawn and stretch and reach over to open to door, only to almost fall out of your seat when your hand meets air instead, “Shit!” you hiss as you begin to topple until a strong hand grabs your forearm and you’re helped out of the car.

“You okay?” Julia laughs as your feet crunch against gravel and you just glare at her.

“I can open my own door you know?” you reply stiffly as you brush yourself free of imaginary dirt and the woman before you grins.

“I know,” she replies and as you lift your head to look at her completely you watch her smile soften before she’s stepping into your space and wrapping her arms around your shoulders. She squeezes you so tight you feel like she’s cracked a rib but as you take a deep breath and inhale the warmth of her scent you close your eyes and hug her back, “I’m glad you’re here,” she whispers as you feel her bury her face into the crook of your neck.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” you reply with your voice just as soft as you rest your cheek upon her shoulder and hold her tight.

“You saved my life. Again,” the broad shouldered woman within your arms chuckles and you smile, “Three to one.”

“Next one’s on you then. How about that?” you chuckle and you give her one last squeeze before you unwrap your arms and go to pull away. She allows you, kind of. Your hands slide from her back to her hips but you get no further as she then grabs your face in her hands oh so gently and pulls you into a kiss. You’re dimly aware of Themmy watching with a beaming grin and open mind but the woman who’s lips part for you has rendered you unable to care about your audience. For a moment, everything is perfect, “Seems like you’ve been holding that in for a while,” you breathe with a smile as you are freed from her embrace, and the support her hold was lending to you. You stumble and your back hits the car but you give her a grin and hope that your humorous expression keeps her from noticing. It works. You can tell in how her eyes are yet to leave your face as she stares at you like the lovestruck fool she is but there’s another witness to your motions who is not as easily dissuaded. You feel the spike of worry from Themmy’s mind and you hear the crunch of quick feet across gravel before you stand straight.

“I’ll grab your bag,” Julia smiles and turns and you watch as her fingers hook beneath the handle of the back door and pull it open but before she can reach for your bag someone else beats her to it.

“Oh no you don’t,” Themmy slides into the space between your girlfriend and the backseat of the car and from where you stand all you see is one of her feet leaving the ground and the frizz of orange hair ducking below the window as she reaches into her car, “You’re supposed to be… taking it easy!” you hear her grunt before both her feet reappear and her head pops up to glare at Julia. You hear Julia chuckle as she raises her arms and takes a few steps back.

“I am! Promise!” she laughs and the sound of a shutting door rings through the air as Themmy turns to the Marshall.

“Where’s your cane then?” she asks, gesturing to Julia’s empty hands as she raises a brow. Yours does the same as the edges of your lips quirk upwards and you look at Julia whose eyes flick back to the house.

“It’s only a short walk!” she protests and both you and Themmy turn your gazes on each other with the same knowing look, “I can’t be reliant on it all the time.”

“I’m still carrying the bag,” Themmy shakes her head with a slowly growing smile as she turns and begins towards the house, “I won’t be the one explaining to Elena why her daughter tripped and fell onto her face. Speaking of, where is she?”

“Making lunch!” Julia replies, “And I have a bit more coordination than that!” she laughs as she heads off after Themmy. You’re not sure you do. But you still smile at the scene of your laughing friends as you take a deep breath, blow it out hard through puffed up cheeks and push yourself off after them.

/////

You’re standing out on the back porch, leaning against the railing as you look up at the stars. You love the night times out here with the wide open fields and the cool breeze that does wonders for your normally overheated body. You pick up on the thoughts of Tia Elena getting ready to wind down for the night and you know that Snowball is patrolling somewhere on the property and you start to wonder where Julia is before you hear the door open at your back.

“I thought you’d be out here.” You glance over your shoulder and she gives you a smile before your eyes drift to the beers in each of her hands as she holds out one to you. You take it, with a nod as thanks, and shiver as the condensation hits the skin of your fingers, sipping from the tall neck as Julia comes up to lean besides you. You rest against her as you turn your head to look back out over into the night, steadily drinking your cool beverage as you soak in her company and bathe in the static of her mind, “Are you doing okay Annie?” she asks and you hum in response.

“I’m alive. And on my own two feet,” you say as you tilt your head to face her with a smile, “That’s as good as anything right?”

“True,” Julia snorts a laugh and bumps you with her shoulder, “Thanks for coming down by the way.”

“What else was I going to do?” you ask her with a small laugh, “With the number of times we’ve both been here to heal after some fucked up thing has happened to us, it’s a natural progression as far as I see it.”

“Oh god you’re right!” Julia groans and you can’t help but laugh as she hangs her head, “We really do seem to step in it, don’t we?” she looks to you with a lopsided grin, “Though that just comes with being a hero,” she shrugs, still holding that smile and you shake your head.

“Then why me?” the words leave your mouth and you intend for them to be joking in tone but your fingers curl around the glass while the others dig into your palm, “I’m no hero,” you say as you look away from her and take another mouthful of your drink.

“Oh I think you’re plenty hero enough.” Of course she would say that, “Or you could be if you-“

“Not again Julia,” you sigh as you look to the ground, “I’m not signing up.” You can’t, for obvious reasons and you’ve never seen the forms that so many must have filled before you but you bet your life (and you would be) that you would be unable to fill the blanks of what those papers hold, “I’m just not ready,” you lie and when you briefly look to her there’s a sadness in her eyes and you just can’t hold her gaze, “I mean…” you struggle to find your words as you gesture out into the night with a tilted grin, “You dive straight into fire without thinking and most of the time I’m right there with you. We end up hurt, close to death if we’re unlucky and you have been,” you tip your bottle in her direction, “But where you have to deal with the press and paparazzi and make speeches and appearances, at the end of the day I just want to go home.” Home… You take another sip. Your bottle is almost empty.

“And you could still do that as a Ranger,” Julia insists as she leans in closer and you roll your eyes before looking to her, “Except then you’d be getting paid and we could go public and-“ You lean away and put up a hand.

“I’m going to stop you right there before this goes any further,” the amount of times you’ve had this same argument and she just doesn’t seem to get it, “I don’t want to sign up as a Ranger okay? I love you, I do, but I can never been seen in public with you-“ you watch her face fall, “-and before you say anything, no, it’s not because of you. I just-“

“No one can know. Right?” her smile is tight, “That’s what you told me years ago but what you’ve never told me is why?” she cocks her head and now the gaze you share is sharp-edged and thin-lined. Or perhaps that’s just you and the flickering of your vision has you imagining things. Wouldn’t be the first time, “Are you scared someone might recognize you?” her voice has gone soft at your side and you take a step away. The closeness that had before been comforting now feels stifling and overbearing and you drain the last dregs from your bottle before balancing it carefully on the railing besides you. You remain silent and tense and you hope Julia understands that this is something you do not want to talk about but who are you kidding? “Maybe your family?” she continues, just not getting the hint “Parents? Siblings?” she asks, fishing for answer you cannot truthfully give. You grit your teeth and clench your fists as a cold seeps under your skin and into your bones.

“I…” what can you say here? And you have to say something otherwise you’ll just look suspicious and you can’t be having that. Not now while you struggle to keep memories best left contained from breaking free. Not now while your vision swims before you showing two visages of the woman before you. Moonlight graced and worried lines. Sun-kissed skin and head thrown back with laughter. God your head hurts. You can’t keep doing this. Your mouth feels like scorched dirt on a hot day and your tongue sticks to its roof and you wish you had another drink to banish this thirst, “I had siblings,” you land on your answer finally and that’s not even a lie, “A handful of them. But I left that life behind when I came to the city,” you say and you raise your head to stare at Julia dead on, “I wanted to start over without any ties to my old life and registering as a hero will have my photo plastered on ever major media network in Los Diablos, and I can’t, have that.” Please understand. Please let her understand. And please let her ask no more questions. You don’t think you could handle a further interrogation right now. You watch as Julia sighs, turning her face from you and looking out at the sky and you know you’ve won. This fight at least.

“This probably wasn’t the best time to bring that up was it?” she throws you a sheepish grin and you feel your body relax as you let out a held breath.

“No. Not really,” you tell her. There will never be a good time. But you know this isn’t that last you’ll have this dance.

“Sorry.”

“Eh,” you reply with a shrug as you round to Julia’s other side, running a hand lightly over her back as you pass her by. You see her shiver as your fingers grace the ports hidden beneath her shirt but at least she doesn’t flinch in pain. She’s healing well enough. You’re glad, “No harm done.” Not now at least. Julia straightens up and turns when you place a foot on the top step on the porch landing, “Come for a walk with me?” you smile, extending an arm offering her your hand.

“Are we planning on going far?” she asks as she places her half empty bottle on the railing and steps towards you.

“Why, old woman?” you smirk as she slips her fingers into your hand, “Thinking you’ll need that cane after all?”

“You ass!” she laughs and you pull her down the stairs and onto the dry grass, “I was thinking about you!”

“Me?” you laugh back and though you do feel a tad unsteady on your feet she slips her arm around your waist and you feel grounded once more, “I’m fine Jules.”

“Annie.”

“Okay, okay,” you repeat as you roll your eyes and start off across the path, “I will be fine. Happy?” you look to her.

“As long as you’re here. Then yes,” she gives you that lopsided grin and you angle your face to give her a quick peck on the cheek.

“That’s cheesy as all hell,” you chuckle as you loop an arm over her shoulder.

“You love me though,” Julia replies and you can’t deny it.

“I do.”

Chapter Text

You’re sitting on the sofa in Julia’s apartment while the woman herself hums away in the kitchen and you watch the news with a cold bottle nestled between your thighs. You’re not a Ranger. You’re not a hero. This is not your problem. But there’s… a feeling that you can’t shake. Something bound and trapped at the back of your mind, struggling to break free but unable to escape from bonds wound tight. Your gaze remains glued to the reporter with his eyes wide and mouth moving quickly as he reads from a prompter you cannot see about the slew of new deaths upon the back of the most recent crisis. Countless reported incidents so far. So many dead. Mass accidents. Suicides. Too many and too condensed to be a coincidence. A plague of heartbreak the media are calling it for more reasons than one. And each report ends with the same tagline.

Take caution. Stay inside. Report anything out of the ordinary.

You can’t help the snort that leaves you, the action jostling the bottle the condensation of which your pants soak up readily. As if that would help.

You’ve listened to and watched the recordings from the few survivors lucky or unlucky enough, (depending on who you ask) to not have shared the fate of so many others. You’ve noticed the fingers twitching, bodies trembling and eyes flicking about as if seeing things no longer there. You’ve heard the words spilling out in jumbled sentences barely coherent as stories were told and shared. And of the survivors all had experienced something different. But there was one thing shared amongst the many no matter the form it took.

Fear, reverence, dread, pain. Take your pick it didn’t matter what but it was the emotion felt so deep within their hearts that it seemed many would rather die than live with whatever they had seen. And you wonder, not for the first time, what they had seen. Because you’ve come across the reports the public aren’t privy to. You’ve borne witness to the images, the aftermath, the slaughter. Corpses left behind where they fall with eyes missing, nails broken and screams etched onto faces forever silent. And there’s just… something else. A feeling you can’t shake. A foreboding. And it certainly doesn’t help that whatever has been causing these deaths has been moving. Slowly, but surely, heading South.

Towards the city. Towards your home.

Will it start slowly? Deaths on the outskirts of Los Diablos caught far too late to save the first of those slain by this plague? Or will the city finally fall to chaos in one big bang? Heralded by wails of death as hands claw at flesh and grab at bone and-

Will you end up like that? Falling to a madness not of your own mind? Dragged into another catastrophe only this time to fall victim to it? Your luck will run out eventually. It has too. You can’t believe it hasn’t already. So many brushes with death that sometimes you fear this is all a dream. A last ditch attempt for a dying mind to live out a life slowly draining away.

Maybe you’re still there. The Farm. Maybe you never escaped. Maybe they finally wiped you. Reprogrammed your soul to fit their design.

Maybe she finally had enough.

No. Stop.

The noise of the tv and the jostling of pans in the kitchen turns fuzzy and soft replaced by a whine that has you drawing in a sharp breath as you lean forwards upon your cushioned seat. You can feel your heart hammering behind your ribcage as you drop your head into your hands and push your palms hard enough against your eyes that all you can see is a dull pulsating red.

Your mind is ticking over too quickly for you to snag any semblance of coherency, consumed by a dread the origin of which is alien to you.

You’re not there. You’re not.

You can smell the heavy aroma of dinner wafting in from the kitchen. Can hear the buzzing of the only other in this apartment. Can feel the cold chill of the bottle tipping too far forwards in your lap.

You can feel the hand on your back.

You freeze up, body going rigid and mind lashing out but all that meets your panic is a familiar static as the hand begins to rub circles upon your covered skin.

“Hey…” a voice speaks softly at your side and you feel your heart stutter as you draw in a shaking breath, fingers momentarily digging into the top of your scalp. You drop your hands to your lap as you squeeze your eyes shut and arrange you lips into a smile you hope is convincing before you look up at Julia.

“Hey…” you parrot back. Old habits die hard.

“You alright?” she asks with soft eyes and a softer smile, waves of brown cascading over her shoulders as she leans in close to place a gentle kiss upon your forehead.

“I’m fine,” you lie, schooling your smile into a practiced width. Not too sharp. Not too meek. You think she buys it. At least her hand pulls away and she graces you with a smile that holds firmer then you know your own does.

“If you’re sure?” she tilts her head, brows creasing for a fraction of a second as her eyes search your face for… something.

“I’m sure,” you nod. Keep the smile. Grip your knees so she can’t see your hands shaking, “Is dinner ready?” you ask when you recognize the expression on her face. Cogs in her brain whirring, slotting pieces together quicker than you give her credit for.

“Sure is,” she replies, offering a hand which you take, grasping your beer in the other while she pulls you to your feet and flush against her body.

“Julia,” you warn but you can feel your smile finally solidifying into something real as strong arms wrap around your back. Warm. Comforting. Real.

“Hmmm?” she replies with a faraway look in her deep eyes as she gazes up at you.

“Dinner?” you reiterate with a brown raised and a motioning of your head towards the kitchen.

“What if I want desert first?” her brows wriggle and grin widens as her arms tighten around your waist. You feel your cheeks heat up as you let out a chuckle.

“Get off me old woman,” you push gently against her chest with the hand not nursing your drink and yet you relent to the kiss you know is coming as her soft lips connect with yours. Warm and inviting and when you break away you find yourself lingering, lost in her gaze despite your stomachs growling protest. And she just keeps on grinning at you. That same lopsided expression that over the years you’ve grown to love more than anything. How can she fit so much longing in such a goofy grin? It’s powerful. As bright as the sun and just as blinding. You turn your face from her as you chuckle, and extract yourself from her grip, “Dinner,” you repeat as you turn to the kitchen.

“Fine fine,” you hear the huff at your back, “Maybe later you can make it up to me.”

“Make what up to you?” you raise a brow as you shoot her a look over your shoulder, lips twisted into a half-smile.

“For calling me old,” she grins.

You laugh.

/////

You’re eating dinner. A dish made with love yet you cannot taste it.

Julia is speaking to you but you’re barely listening.

Your mind picks up only snippets of the one sided conversation, enough for you to know when to nod when appropriate and to chuckle when needed. Yet your mind wanders. Thoughts ticking over as that strange feeling, niggling at the back of your mind pokes at the soft parts of your brain.

“Annie.” The speaking of your name has you looking up from your plate, fork poised in mid-air when you turn your attention to Julia.

“Hmm?” your reply is hummed, your higher brain power elsewhere as you stare at your girlfriend across the table.

“Are you even listening to me?” A shock jolts you where you sit, fork almost dropping from your hand at the movement and you blink the haze from your mind as you open your mouth.

“Yeah?” you reply as you place your utensil upon your half-empty plate. You give Julia a smile, a flicker of one at least that appears and vanishes just as quick when tided brows frown at you. Julia crosses her arms across her chest and your eyes trace the sleek lines of metal running through discolored skin as she leans back in her seat, keeping eye contact with you as she tilts her chair backwards just a touch.

“Okay…” she trails off with her lips pursed before her face relaxes, and you spy the hint of a smirk, “Then what was I talking about?”

Shit. You rack your mind for any clue to the conversation you were not a part of while Julia stares at you, waiting for an answer you know you will not be able to provide. What you wouldn’t give to get more than static from her impervious brain as you sit back in your own chair, mirroring her posture as you rummage through your thoughts like the answer is an article of clothing hidden at the back of a drawer. You’re silent as your urge you mind to work and she is still staring and you should say something. Though with how Julia eyes you with a brow raised you don’t like your chances at guessing correctly.

“I…” you breathe out, hoping your brain will catch up to voice words you need but all that greets the pair of you is a silence that hangs thickly like congealed blood, “I’m sorry,” you sigh, eyes flicking away when concern graces the perfect features of the woman across from you, “My mind’s just… elsewhere.” Your smile is self-pitying as you look back to Julia whose posture is no longer defensive as she leans forwards in her chair, elbows resting atop her kitchen table as she frowns.

“What are you thinking about?” she asks as she masks her concern behind a smile. A soft thing. And you can’t help the chuckle that escapes you as you turn your gaze to look out the window to your far left.

“What aren’t I thinking about?” you reply with a shake of your head and a smile that turns too sharp as a flicker of movement through the moonlight has your fingers curling into your palms where your hands now rest in your lap.

“Annie…” Julia sighs and you tense but keep gazing out at the night even as you hear a shuffling to your right, “Talk to me. Please.” You grit your teeth, blunt nails digging into the palms of your hands and you breathe in deep and slow before you speak.

“The news,” you start, “The… heartbreak disaster.”

“What about it?” Julia replies with a hesitance you don’t understand. You feel an anger start to bubble and roil inside your chest, no longer foreign to you like it was after the Void. It is as if this is an emotion you were created to feel and as you turn to look at the Marshall of the Rangers you feel a venom rise up your throat and you narrow your eyes.

“What do you mean what about it?” you hiss and you watch Julia flinch, brows drawing close as she leans away once more, “Have you not been watching the news!?” you growl and Julia’s lips thin, a muscle in her jaw twitching as she screws up her nose, “It’s heading this way and you know as well as I do that when it gets here-“ you lean forwards in your seat as you stare daggers at the woman across from you, “-you and your Rangers will be on the front lines to face it.”

“And?” Is she deliberately trying to piss you off? Your fingers dig even harder into pale skin as it takes all your willpower to not stand from your seat, to not make a scene on what was supposed to be a nice night in, “It’s our job,” Julia shrugs and you can’t stand how nonchalant, how uncaring she has always seemed to be in regards to her own life, “And it’s not as if we haven’t faced dangerous shit before?” confusion replaces her apparent apathy and she fixes you with a gaze that doesn’t waver against your fury, “Why are you getting so worked up about this?” Truth be told, you’re not sure either. Because even though you wouldn’t never admit it, she’s right. Dangerous shit is what the Rangers are paid to deal with on a regular basis. So what is it this time that has you finally shooting to your feet and pacing the length of her kitchen?

“I don’t know!” you admit as you pace to the window to look out into a city covered in shadows before retracing your steps back to the table, “I just… I-“ you cut yourself off with a huff, turning once again when Julia reaches out for you.

“Annie-“

“We throw ourselves into danger time and time again,” you say as the object of your ire sits at your back while you stride through the dining area and into the kitchen again , “And don’t get me wrong. The day to day shit we get up to, I enjoy that!” you huff out a laugh devoid of humor, “But would it kill you to just…” You let your sentence trail off at the end of a shaky breath as you stop upon reaching the window, eyes moving past the glass to the world outside. There are people moving on the streets, laughing, shouting, talking. You can’t hear much but the din of traffic from up here but it strikes you in this moment more so than it has at any other point, at the complexity of it all. How every single person you see below you has a life. Has dreams. Has a whole world of their own that can be taken in an instant but those uncaring of life. How is it that you are able to see all of this and yet the woman who has lived many more years than you have, can not?

There’s sound at your back. A chair scraping on hardwood and soft footsteps approach you from behind.

“Annie…”

“Can’t you just have someone else handle this?” you plead to the silence in the room as you take a breath and refuse to turn around to face the woman who is most certainly drawing closer, “The Guardians should get off their assess every once in a while,” you laugh is strange as it bounces around your head, “Or maybe the police could actually be helpful for once.”

“Annie you-“

“Fuck Jules!” you hiss as you finally spin around to find the bronze-skinned woman standing just beyond the kitchen and eyeing you with a mixture of pity and concern. Your top lip curls and you don’t even try to hide it, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but every single fucking year since we met we’ve been involved in some sort of-“ you shake your head as your thoughts swirl viciously like a whirlwind whipped up in the wake of a storm, “-life-altering disaster!” Your face feels warm and your vision is beginning to blur but you can’t stop the words as they crawl up your throat, desperate to be heard over your pounding heart, “Physcopathor. I could have been killed,” you spit as you take a single step forwards, “Catastrofiend. You almost were!” You’re so angry. Why are you so angry? Another step forwards towards a woman who stands still in her apartment, “Nanosurge. The Void!” you hiss, “They fucked with my head and changed me in ways I still don’t understand!” You should stop talking. You need to stop talking.

You’re slipping, mind ticking back as your feelers pick at scabbed over memories and you need to stop.

So why can’t you?

“What’ll happen next, huh?” another step and you are standing right in front of her stalwart form, your head tipped down slightly to look her in the eye. Your arms are shaking, head and heart thrumming and you can barely see the expression on a face flushed through the watery film of your tears. When did you start crying? “Will someone end up dead?” your voice cracks against the flood of emotions crashing through you and you curse yourself for faltering, “Will you? Will I?!” Your chest is heaving with sobs barely held back and your whole body is vibrating at a frequency that sends aches through your bones. You can’t. You can’t. You can feel your tears as they run down your face, can feel the snot building in your nose as Julia continues to look at you and as she opens her mouth to speak, you breathe in, air shuddering down your throat.

“Annie…” spoken so softly as if the word is a holy prayer and not just a name you picked from the first song you heard after your escape.

“What?” you croak and as you lift a hand to wipe the evidence of your sadness from your face, strong finger catches your wrist in a tight yet secure grip. You immediate reaction is fear. Panic shooting through you in a quick bolt as you try to pull away. Only to freeze when through the haze of your tears you see the palm of your right hand covered in red.

“I was trying to tell you,” your girlfriend gifts you with a sheepish smile as you look down at your other hand to find the same affliction. Blood covers your palms and drips down your fingers, splashing tiny droplets onto the tiles of Julias kitchen. There is red beneath your nails and a faint taste of iron on your tongue, “Did you not feel it?” she asks in a hushed tone and you shake your head. Since the Void, hells, since the Nanosurge the way your body registers pain has changed. You have changed. Brain rewired and pain gate altered by experiences you never should have gone through. Never should have survived. A sigh brings you back to the present as Julia shakes her head, “Sit down Annie,” she gives you a smile as a darkness clings beneath her eyes and you do so, taking your seat back at the table and watching Julia as she rummages in a cabinet for the first aid kit. You sit with your hands in your laps, palms turned upwards and an exhaustion tugging at your limbs that has you already dreaming of your own bed, “So,” Julia’s voice has you looking to her as she drags her chair before yours, takes a seat, and places the open kit between your abandoned meals, “Obviously you’re not okay.” You laugh at that, a bark of a sound as Julia’s words catch you off guard, “What’s wrong?” the smile she gives you is small and tinged with worry and you let your eyes fall to your palms, watching Julia’s movements as she wipes the blood clear from your skin.

“I wish I knew,” you breathe out with a shrugging of your shoulders and a twitch of your fingers, “There’s just…” you sigh, mind buzzing in frustration at a fear you are unable to pinpoint, “I’m just…afraid.” The woman patting your palms dry lets out a low hum, cloth dabbing at your skin, “Something about this disaster has me worried,” you continue, “I’m not sure what it is yet but there’s this feeling I have,” you raise your clean palm and tap your fingers against your sternum, “Right inside my chest.” Dread.

“I get it.” You snort, looking up at Julia as she cleans the last of the blood from the hand still resting in your lap. She flashes you a wry smile, “What? I do,” she chuckles, “You think I’m not a little bit afraid every time we face a new foe?”

“No,” you deadpan, eyes flicking down to the soft white bandages wrapping around calloused palms.

“Well, I am,” the broad-shouldered woman shrugs, “But I’m a leader. People look up to me. It’s my job to be tough.”

“It’s your job to stay alive,” you butt in, staring at the top of Julia’s head as she focuses on your hands.

“Well, I’m still here aren’t I?” she chuckles and you huff.

“You just…” you sigh, pulling your hands away as the last bandage is secured, “Please be careful Julia,” you frown, reaching for her hands as she looks up into your eyes.

“When am I not?” she grins, taking your hands oh so gently and you just stare at her before her grin turns sheepish, “Sorry,” she laughs quietly, “Okay,” she squeezes your hands, “I promise to be careful.”

“You better,” you huff, “Because if you do get me killed, I’m coming back to haunt you.” The older woman laughs at that, grinning growing wide and shoulders shaking.

“It would be my honor-“ she starts as her laughter fades away and it is as if a switch has been flipped, with how her voice turns deeper, huskier, “- to be haunted by a ghost as beautiful as you.” You screw up your nose and a chuckle not your own reaches your ears.

“I hate it when you do that…” you grumble but there is no heat to your words as you feel your lips quirk.

“Do what?” Julia asks with false innocence as she batters her lashes.

“Be mushy,” you reply with a snort, pulling your hands away and getting to your feet.

“You love it.”

“Debatable.” A beat, another laugh, and a scraping of wood on wood as Julia gets to her feet and you escape her wandering hands as you step back into the Livingroom. You look around at the cozy space, your eyes lingering for a touch too long on your shoes placed neatly by the front door and you look to Julia at she comes to your side.

“You sure I can’t convince you to stay the night?” she rumbles, pinky finger hooking around one of your own as your arms rest by your sides.

“I’m sure,” you reply, mind already starting to drift as thoughts return like shadows in the night and you pull away, making for the front door.

“At least text me when you get home?” a plead almost. As if you would forget.

“Of course,” you manage a smile and you pull your sneakers on, lacing them up without sparing the shoes a glance, “Meet you for lunch tomorrow?” Change the subject. Avert her fears.

“Hoots. My treat,” she smiles and you mirror her expression.

“Whose else’s?” you reply as you stand and stretch and reach for the door handle as Julia pads across the floor towards you, wrapping her arms around your waist as she brings her head to yours. A kiss. Soft and sweet and full of longing and you sigh, eyes fluttering close as for just a moment, all thoughts of doubt and dread flee from your over-active mind, “I love you…” you mumble and you feel Julia smile into the kiss before she pulls away.

“Love you to,” her grin is goofy, eyes half-lidded and pupils wide and you give her another quick peck on her slightly crooked nose before she releases you from her arms, “Sleep well Annie,” she smiles and you give a nod before you are pulling the door open, and slipping out into the hall.

Sleep. Hells. You don’t think you’ll be getting much of that tonight. You sigh to yourself as you stuff your hands into your pockets and hurry to the stairwell. No. You won’t be. You just know it. Brain too wired, too buzzing with half-baked thoughts and theories to calm itself.

This is going to be a long night.

Chapter Text

Two days. Two days was all it took for your half-baked theories and buried thoughts to coalesce into something solid. Into something real.

You’ve been largely absent from anything to do with the Rangers since the night you left Julia’s apartment on the back of a sweet word and a creeping dread. The lunch you had gone to as you thought you could power through the choppy waters of your mind but you should’ve listened to yourself. You had woken up that morning with a sharp headache and a bad attitude and you knew as soon as the morning light had shone upon your grimacing face, that you would not be good company that day. Yet, you had persisted. With fraying nerves and jittering legs the typically enjoyable atmosphere of a lunch date was absent of the usual jokes and wise cracks and more than once Julia had looked at you with a barely hidden pity and worried brown eyes. You had left Hoots quickly after having barely touched your food, throwing an excuse to Julia that you didn’t care if she believed as you had sped past the bar and avoided eye contact from the woman you had felt glaring at you from behind the counter.

You had felt uneasy. Skin prickling, and head throbbing and a creeping paranoia that you had to fight to keep down for fear that you would’ve started sprinting back towards your apartment. And there you had stayed. Inside. Safe. Safe.

Yet you couldn’t stop watching the news. Call it a morbid curiosity.

You had parked yourself on the sofa, blanket, pillow and all as you had flicked from channel to channel without a break. Watching. Waiting. And it didn’t take long for the reports to reach the ears of the media, to then be drip fed the horror of the world to the general public. Or, as much horror as the media were allowed to report without their air time being cut, or videos censored. Which, wasn’t a lot.

Not a lot. But enough.

More deaths. More casualties. Survivors dwindling. Few and far between.

You had watched been watching the news religiously as you had looked for signs with a level of intensity and focus that would have made your previous handlers proud. A thought that had brought a sneer to your face when it fluttered briefly through your mind as you sat in the darkness of your living room on the first night. With every new death, every new story of horror and grief your mind had slot pieces in place one by one. A puzzle without a picture, guided by a gut feeling that had latched itself to your insides and refused to let go. Again and again and again since the first noticed death was released to the world your mind had turned over everything about this new catastrophe as something deep inside you had screamed. There was something about… About… About the bodies! The deaths!

The people.

“It was almost like I was dreaming before it-”

“- became a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.”

“It was like I had the power to get all I ever dreamt of. Right there! In my own hands!”

“She had never looked at me that way before. Like I was a stranger! And her eyes were just- I’ve never seen her so angry and so I ran-”

“- I went to him. It was like… there was a hand… hands? Guiding me forwards and then they just vanished and I felt so empty-”

“-like all the light in the world was gone.”

“I couldn’t bear it. Like my heart was being ripped from my chest.”

“Like the world would never be right again.”

Survivors not too broken to speak to the media coming forth and each new account had further confirmed the deep-seated worry trapped within you.

That something was terribly, terribly wrong.

~~~~~

The wailing thoughts previously leashed and muzzled in the back of your mind are dragging their way free from the caged parts of your subconscious. Even in the depths of sleep you feel them. Claws sharp and deadly, poking holes in your shields as bit by bit with every choked out sentence, every tear stained face and every trembling lip you’ve witnessed on camera, they slip and slide past your defenses. You toss and turn, your dreams becoming turbulent as they so often do and you are treated to memories long gone as they rear their ugly truths.

A coldness engulfing your naked form. Choking on air as it fills new lungs.

Running so fast. Faster than you ever have before. Blood on your feet, on your hands. In your mouth.

Metal on metal. Metal on flesh. Pain. Agony. Laughter you’re not sure is real.

Fear. Dread. Screams both yours and not.

Wake up.

Buzzing and humming like eels thrashing in a bucket. Flesh stripped back and bones bared to the sun and something is wrong with you. Flashes at the edge of your vision. So many thoughts that they bleed through. Voices you’re not sure are there. Figures dancing before your eyes.

A sickly sweet voice. Hands bound and body bloody but you are baring your teeth, eager to bite. Blood filling your mouth. Vile and putrid. Something is wrong. You swallow.

Something is wrong.

Thoughts, dreams and nightmares splintering. Vision flickering to other times, other places. Voices shouting, laughing, crying, pleading.

Something is wrong with you.

Wake up.

You choke on a scream as you bolt upright, the edge of your nightmare trapped between the folds of your half-asleep brain and the dread inside your chest is suffocating. There is ice in your veins and a fear in your heart because even as you struggle to waking in a room still shrouded by night there is a finality to your thoughts that has you wishing you were still ignorant to what you have been trying to ignore.

Because you knew. And now you know. What the victims of this heartbreak disaster are experiencing. Because you have dealt with the same time and time again.

Hallucinations.

You shift from where you had fallen asleep on your couch as the droning of the tv fills the room with white noise. Some sort of shitty late night infomercial which you don’t bother paying any attention to. Your blanket is twisted around your legs as your head and heart pound in a rhythmic beat and you shiver despite your layers and you know the truth.

Hallucinations that are not being caused by a single event. It just doesn’t make sense to be some sort of gas or weapon or any other theory the higher ups spew forth just because they’re looking for a solid explanation. So they can feel better. Feel hopeful. You feel a cold run through you and you bring your knees to your chest as you stare unseeing at the crackling and colorful tv. So that leaves only one other option. At least to you. Regardless of the speculations.

That it’s a Telepath. It has to be. What else?

What else could hide from those looking but a person? What else could keep on going with such a determination that even the chilling bite of the night time air and the scorching rays of the sun roasting all it touches, could not hinder their relentless march.  But why? That’s what you want to know? Why? Why the city? Why the people? No demands have been made, no person has come forwards, no ransom had been posted. And the level of power … It scares you. Though it’s not yourself you’re scared for.

You stretch out your legs, hands fumbling over the blanket as you look around for your phone. It has to be somewhere but where- ah. You lean to the side and stretch out your arm, fingers curling around your phone where it rests on the carpet. When you bring it to your face and press the power button, the sudden bright glow of  your lock screen has you wincing and closing your eyes, turning your head away for a second before blinking and looking back at the too bright screen. And the time it displays in big bold numbers.

3:02am.

It’s early. Too early. But you feel on edge, twitchy, worried. You need to hear a voice other than the ones in your head. You need to hear someone real. You dial her number before you realize it. You know the digits by heart. She answers quicker than you thought she would.

“Hello..?” She doesn’t even sound tired. Has she not even slept? You take a breath and pretend the air doesn’t rattle up your throat, “Annie?”

“Hey Jules,” you smile and hope your voice portrays the ease you try to fake.

“Hey to you to,” she sounds relieved. You hear shuffling on her end and your eyes flick towards the glowing screen of your tv. A late night news report. Did you change the channel? “Haven’t seen you for a couple days. Everything okay?” You open your mouth with the intent to reassure her. To lie. To save face. But your words catch in your throat. Held back by the fingers of dread that crawl so readily up your insides, “Annie?”

“Can I come over?” you ask, you plead. There is silence of the other end and you grip the blanket which now drapes over your legs, digging short nails into fabric instead of skin.

“It’s early...” her voice is soft and soothing, gentle.

“I know,” you reply.

“You want me to pick you up?” Thoughts and voices whispering in the back of your mind. You need to get out. Get some fresh air. To walk. But it is early. And while you can handle yourself just fine, right now, you just wish to be in her company.

“Please?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

+++++

You don’t say a word on the drive back to the apartment. Not that you can, sitting behind Julia on a bike you haven’t seen before, your arms wrapped securely around her middle. When she had rocked up to your building you were already waiting on the sidewalk with your hood pulled up and your hands clutching tightly at the fabric of your pants. Julia had greeted you and you hadn’t said a word. You had just grabbed the spare helmet in her waiting hands, pulled in on over your head, and slipped onto the seat.

The cool night wind seeps in through your layers and you feel goosebumps rise along your skin beneath your sleeves. You shiver, and hug Julia tighter, closing your eyes against the view of her broad back.

The next time the bike stops at a set of lights (you’re surprised she even stopped at all), Julia’s hands find your own where your fingers are interlinked across her waist. She squeezes your hands briefly, you feel her lean back into you, and you sigh. Before the lights turn green and you are off once more.

+++++

Her apartment is quiet. As you step in through the door you run your hand through the tangled mane that is your hair and pretend your hand doesn’t shake as you do so. Even with the static at your back as you walk further into the living space, you can hear the stream of minds trickling in through the walls. Quiet, small rivulets that seep in through the cracks in plaster and wood alike. You want to dig your nails into your scalp and tear. You snap your hands down to your sides instead.

“Hey...” a soft voice at your back hums and when you turn to face Julia you find yourself suddenly enveloped in the warmth of her embrace. You’re so tired. You sink into her, limbs going slack as you close your eyes and lean into her as she holds you so tight you think it would hurt, “What’s wrong?” she whispers as she leans away just enough to press soft kisses to your forehead.

“Same old,” you crack a smile that you can feel wavering upon your face before it falls completely. You should tell her. You need to tell her. Why can’t you? You know why.

“You know,” Julia starts as she pulls you into her once more, “You don’t have to be involved in this.” To that you can’t help but laugh, a sound that seems to startle the woman holding you tight to her chest as her arms around you jolt for a brief moment.

“Of course I have to,” the chuckle that leaves you is strained, “You’d kill yourself otherwise.” She’s too reckless, too brash. She will get herself killed one day. But not while you’re around. Not if you can help it, “You need to be more careful,” you add on as you lower your voice and your skin prickles as you take a breath, “This heartbreak disaster...”

“It’s dangerous, I know.”

“Do you?” you shoot back, disentangling yourself from her arms as you step away yet keep your eyes on her face. She looks at you with a slight furrowing of her brow and a curl to her fingers that you catch out the corner of your eyes.

“Do you know something we don’t?” she asks and you bristly in anger at her words, accusatory in nature though her tone is anything but. She must see something when she looks into your eyes, for she raises her forearms, palms facing you in a gesture of surrender, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you?” you grind out through gritted teeth.

“You just seem...” her words trail off and you wish so much you could hear what was going on inside her brain, “More on edge than usual,” she finishes and you feel an eye twitch.

“I just...” Careful, “I’ve been watching the news a lot.” You can’t help it, “And I’m getting a bad feeling about this.” You hope she takes that as answer enough. You know she trusts your gut feelings even in the event you yourself don’t. Being put through the ringer enough times and having come out in relatively one piece has given you a smidge of credibility. Yet you still wrap your arms around yourself and dig your fingers into the fabric of your jumper, and you play up your nervousness as you avoid the eyes of the woman before you and begin to tap out a nervous rhythm upon the wooden floor of Julia’s hallway.

“Hey...” when you don’t look up  you hear her footsteps pad closer, “Hey,” a more insistent tone and when you do finally face your girlfriend there’s a worry in her eyes that has your stomach turning, “I promise you, whatever happens, I’ll be careful.” You wish you could believe her. You wish she wasn’t as reckless, as brash, and as foolhardy as she is. But her willingness to dive into danger, to save those in need, is one of the reasons you love her. One of the reasons you need her. You open your mouth to let fly a quip or some light-hearted words but instead you sigh with a repetitive shake of your head. Your pushed out breath turns into a light chuckle as you step forwards and wrapped your arms around Julia’s sturdy form.

“You’re such an idiot,” you breathe into the crook of her neck as you rest your head upon a broad shoulder, squeeze her tight, and let your senses be consumed by her fizzing static.

“You love it,” she laughs as you feel a hand rubbing circles upon the small of your back.

“I do.”