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Kona gently crawled back into bed next to Rain. She'd only gotten up to use the bathroom (she tended to avoid the bathroom because of dysphoria), and planned on going right back to sleep. But before that, she made sure to check on Rain.
Thankfully, they were still asleep. Curled up tight in their nest. The pillow swallowed half of their face in it’s fluff, and what remained was nearly covered by the blanket she’d tucked over their shoulder hours ago. It was unusual for Rain to sleep so soundly, to not toss and turn or wake up numerous times, but Kona knew that it was good. That they were getting the rest they desperately needed.
She reached out and ran her thumb along their dark circles. She drank in all of Rain's features; the bumpy skin, the round cheeks, the defined nose. She imagined the freckles she couldn't see in the dark. The purple under their eyes, pink and red on their cheeks. The teal irises.
A small clump of hair had fallen in their face, too. Kona tucked it away, her knuckle dancing over their cheekbone, dragging their hair up over their ear. Her finger trailed down to their jaw, and then her whole hand cradled their face. Her thumb rubbed their cheek. It traveled to their lips; resting for a moment on their cupid’s bow, then in the dip of their chin below their lower lip.
Rain was still so cold. Their face was reasonably warm, and it wasn’t like they were freezing, but it was like their internal temperature had permanently lowered. They rarely seemed to feel warm enough anymore.
They shivered— a small, involuntary motion, but it reminded Kona to share her own warmth. Careful not to disturb them, she wiggled her way closer, until she could wrap her arms around them again. One arm under them, and one around their waist.
Kona could feel Rain snuggle up to her in their sleep. It made her heart pound for a moment, that maybe she’d disturbed them, or maybe it was because they wanted to be closer even in their sleep. She still wasn’t used to getting so much affection, and still had plenty of confusing feelings, but this one… was good.
But still, Kona didn’t want to wake them. She gently ran her hands through their hair, something she’d found helped them fall asleep. “Baby?” She whispered. Even calling them that when they likely couldn’t hear her still made her heart flutter. “You awake?”
There was a small noise from them, with a vaguely inquisitive tone. A small shift in their head.
“Shhh, it’s okay, you can sleep,” she whispered back. “Didn’t mean to wake you. Just had to pee. But I’m here if you need anything.”
Kona’s hand migrated to their back, rubbing careful circles. She remembered how well that helped them relax, how they’d told her just how much it comforted them. She’d found it particularly helpful with panic attacks or meltdowns, but even on good days, it made them melt into her.
Which is exactly what they did now— somehow, getting even closer to her in their sleep. There was another small noise, like an affirmation that they’d heard her, had understood why she’d left, but were happy to have her back. It made Kona feel warm inside, to be so loved. To have someone miss her even when she left so briefly. To have her best friend cuddle up to her, to be able to hold them and love them.
Kona pressed a kiss to their forehead. She cradled their head against her chest, settling back in for the night.
Though Kona closed her eyes, she tried to stay awake a little longer just in case. Just to be safe. Because she’d only become a lighter sleeper since all this had happened, so she’d become paranoid that if they needed her, they wouldn’t be able to wake her. Not that that had happened. At all. So far.
She was definitely starting to understand how their anxiety felt.
But for a few more minutes, there was nothing. No movement aside from their steady breathing; their breath against her neck, their chest rising and falling against her. And before she knew it, Kona couldn’t open her eyes if she wanted to. She just hoped that Rain felt as content as she did, to simply lie together in each other’s warmth.
In the morning, Rain would remind her that yes, being able to cuddle so much made them immensely happy. They’d been touch starved for so long, it felt like heaven. Sometimes it was harder to sleep because they were so happy. They wanted to savor it.
But Kona promised they would have plenty of time to cuddle more. Recovery was long and hard, but they could do it. Together.