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Spending nights at Dazai's house is always a mystical experience, because you can never predict which card will be drawn from the deck.
It could be a normal evening, where perhaps the two stay in the room playing something, teasing each other, or go downstairs to watch a movie (and often Odasaku joins in, who is always a welcome presence).
Or the stove could explode, or the microwave, or a water pipe could burst, or they could be knocked on the door at 3 in the morning by the neighbor complaining about "too much noise," or maybe by the police for too much shouting, since the shouting could easily be from someone being mistreated.
And it's certain that it was only Chuuya who pushed a button in Dazai's brain, making him act like a seasoned drama queen who screams and screeches at every little thing.
Chuuya doesn't know whether to be amused or worried by how Odasaku handles his younger brother.
He doesn't doubt how much Odasaku cares for Dazai; he would never allow himself to, but it's just bizarre to see how the man has no expression or reactions to literally any kind of thing that is done in front of him.
Odasaku could be witnessing a genocide in progress and remain apathetic.
In that case, however, at least he would act, Chuuya is sure of that. Likely apathetic, but not at all cowardly.
In any case.
This night is one of the calm, gentle ones, where both are lying in Dazai's bed, while he flips through a notebook with blank white pages (he says it relaxes him), and Chuuya listens to music with his eyes closed, phone resting on the mattress, and arms behind his head, on the pillow.
"Psst, chibi, are you awake?"
No response.
"Chiiibiii.."
Still nothing.
"Chuuuuuyaaaaaa," and Dazai knows perfectly well the boy is awake, but that doesn't stop him from asking again, "Are you awake?"
"Mmh.." an annoyed grunt escapes from the other's lips. "Even if I was, it wouldn't be for long anyway."
"Excellent! I see you're aware of that," he deliberately ignores the dirty look he earns. "I was thinking of getting us something to match."
At those words, Chuuya opens both eyes, directing them towards the boy lying on his side. "..what the hell does that mean? Is the slimy eel here trying to be romantic all of a sudden?"
"Don't talk nonsense, ew! Just thinking about it gives me shivers. You're not a pretty girl."
"You only want pretty girls to commit suicide with."
"That's not true!"
"Oh no? Yet you only mention Sasaki when we talk about suicide..."
"Well, not like I'm wrong, a little more pressure and she'll be mine."
With the most indifferent and disinterested look and voice that Chuuya can produce from the depths of his soul, he stares at him for a few seconds.
"...are you saying you're some kind of reaper?"
"To be a reaper would be one of the most cruel MISFORTUNES that could ever happen to me! Are you crazy?! They are death, which means they are the creatures that distance themselves the most from it, they are immune, they are—"
"You're annoying, shut up and let me listen to music. If it makes you feel better," he removes his hand from the brunette's mouth, receiving a very exaggerated pout that Dazai probably tries to make appear annoying, but the only thing that comes off is endearing - but Dazai will never know that Chuuya thinks so. "I hope you never become a reaper." and after that, since just as Dazai knows Chuuya, Chuuya knows Dazai, the brunet smiles satisfied and doesn't complain anymore or catch the topic he was trying to bring up earlier, instead falling silent and returning to flipping through the blank notebook.
When faced with two matching pajamas in front of his face, the red-haired boy's eyes sparkle with confusion and slight curiosity. Dazai wants to nurture that curiosity, and he smiles at his reaction.
"Maybe we can get these for each other?" suddenly doubtful about what he has just proposed, Dazai's voice descends into an uncertain whisper, and with the music still invading Chuuya's senses, he has enough trouble hearing him.
He removes the earphones immediately, blinking, then shrugs. "I have no problem with it."
That seems to brighten up the boy, and Chuuya bites his lip to keep from giving him the satisfaction of a smile.
"Yeyy! I knew Chuuya is sweet, after all!"
"Oh, come on, get off!"
"Never!"
"What do you want to do, sleep like this?!"
Quiet.
Dazai continues to embrace Chuuya's waist, now resigned from trying to move him; he is positioned too well and doesn't feel like moving him.
"Why not?"
"..."
But after that, let's say Dazai found himself thrown on the floor with a pillow, and when he got up, he found a little chibi wrapped in blankets on his bed, the head poking out with all the hair scattered shamelessly around the mattress, unblinking eyes staring directly at Dazai, as if wanting to push him back down if he dares to approach him again.
The latter doesn't seem to care and does it anyway.
He sighs and smiles slightly before crawling next to him and, after convincing Chuuya to give him a blanket too, they both end up lying down.
As Chuuya scrolls his finger on the phone screen almost robotically, Dazai - while also watching - smiles and prepares himself psychologically.
"I need to find the measurements, you know, chibi? You must tell me how many millimeters you reach—"
"I'LL BREAK YOUR NOSE, YOU PIECE OF SHIT."
Dazai manages to dodge the first punch, but he doesn't free himself from the grip on his wrist, and Chuuya, to completely block him - being a true straight guy - puts his legs on the sides of his hips, practically straddling him.
He holds a half-full water bottle retrieved from the nightstand.
"I swear, if you keep making comments about my height, I'll smash this bottle on your head and then tear your throat with the sharpest part."
"I'm glad you put so much effort into threats; it's the only diversion you find to make up for the fact that you never act, right?"
This doesn't even infuriate Chuuya; instead, the boy slowly places the bottle back, gets off his stomach, and returns to his initial position. "I won't be accused of murder for someone so insignificant."
The absolutely incredulous sound that Dazai extracts from his lips is obscenely loud, while his hand clenches the blankets as if in pain. "Do you know how much it hurts to hear that, shrimp?!"
That nickname was the signature.
It was Odasaku, who, awakened by the screams, things being thrown, and various noises, entered the room and separated them.
After seeing his reaction so calm (definitely impatient), Chuuya is convinced Odasaku is an angel. This thought led him to shoot a dirty look towards Dazai, who is the exact opposite.
"So?"
"Tonight we don't fight anymore." they both recite, heads down.
"Otherwise?"
"No delicious breakfast tomorrow morning." the chorus continues, the two boys keeps to admire the floor, obedient like never before.
"Great." the door closes with the same kindness with which it was opened.
For the man with auburn hair, nothing was needed; the two teenagers have an inexplicable and immense respect for him. The first time Chuuya saw how Dazai listens to him, he thought he was having lunch with someone else.
After a few minutes of silence to contemplate what just happened, the two boys exchange glances and then lie down in bed. "I'm going to sleep." the redhead surrenders the battle, and the brunet is deeply offended but doesn't say a word, even though it takes all the willpower possible not to complain.
➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳
"ARE YOU DONE?"
And this is the fiftieth time that Dazai's incredibly sharp and piercing voice is heard, and probably the 146th eye twitch that Chuuya has this morning.
"CAN YOU LET ME WASH IN PEACE OR DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP GOING LIKE THIS FOR MUCH LONGER?"
"YOU'RE AS SLOW AS A SNAIL, SNAIL!"
Dazai chuckles to himself as he hears Chuuya banging utensils and furniture on the other side of the room while getting ready.
This morning, the two of them have organized to go buy matching pajamas. It's been a week since Dazai arranged it, and they have finally found an interesting store that seems to sell matching sets that suit their tastes.
So now they are at Chuuya's house, his parents are not here so Dazai can shout as much as he wants, and the homeowner almost desperately prepares behind the bathroom door; he fixes his hair so that it is not messy, the outfit must please him.
When the door finally opens, Dazai almost falls as his back is pressed with all his weight on it. When he straightens up, he turns to Chuuya. "Finally!—..." he stops, staring at him.
"...a high ponytail?" he tilts his head slightly to the side, with the most curiously genuine tone Chuuya has ever heard from him. "Yes, high ponytail. How does it look on me?" of course, Dazai knows that whatever response he gives doesn't matter to the redhead.
"Ridiculous, love of my life."
"You could have stopped at the first word," he smiles, "thank you for your opinion, if you want, I can write it on the toilet paper later."
Rolling his eyes he walks past him, giving him a shove, and even if probably unintentionally, also a hair flick in the face.
Dazai's senses are invaded by the smell of shampoo, and for a few seconds, he remains motionless sniffing the air; Chuuya has always had such damn good tastes in perfumes.
"MOVE YOUR ASS OR DO I HAVE TO KICK YOU MYSELF?" from outside the house, Dazai hears his voice and hurries to snap out of the trance, running towards the main door and exiting the house. "You are so different, chibiiii."
"Cut it out."
To get to their destination, they stop at a bus stop, waiting for it to arrive.
Obviously, after not even a minute of waiting, Dazai started complaining about how long it's taking, perfectly imitating an impatient toddler.
"Will you be quiet?!"
"How long does it takeee? We've been here for 3 hours! At this rate, I'll die of hunger! And thirst! What if I need to go to the bathroom?!"
"ARE THOSE MY BUSINESS, HUH?!" That seems to shut him up with an annoyed snort.
After another five minutes, with two more people stopping at the bus stop, Dazai walking in circles like a perfect paranoid man and Chuuya casually leaning against the wall, the bus arrives.
As they both approach to board, the redhead releases air from his lungs, a sigh he didn't realize he was holding until he let it out; usually these buses are always packed with people.
Miraculously, this is not the case, and Chuuya almost cheers when he sees empty seats that everyone seems to ignore; without a second thought or hesitation, he grabs the arm of the mackerel and drags him towards the seats, then pushing him to sit down and taking the seat beside him. "Now we have a half-hour journey ahead of us."
Dazai starts looking out the window, nodding.
"Hey, look what I found." patting the brunette's shoulder, the boy grins, showing him a photo.
As the boy focuses on the subject, his hand moves to grab the phone, but Chuuya moves it away in time, the grin on his face growing even wider as he puts his free hand on his chest.
Dazai's annoyed (and silent) face says more than a thousand words. That alone is enough to make the redhead laugh. "Give me your phone." defeatedly grumbles, which makes Chuuya laugh even louder before turning off the phone and putting it in his pocket.
"I'll take that one to my grave."
"I'll only dig you up to get the photo. If you want, I'll spit out all the dirt afterwards."
Pushing the taller one until he hits the seat with his back, Chuuya continues to chuckle, composing himself. "We have to get off soon, anyway."
"Chibi thinks he's my mom today."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"You keep informing me of obvious things, like a mom!"
"If I were in Odasaku's shoes, I would have already committed suicide. If I were your mother, I would have aborted you straight away."
Silence.
"AND YOU WOULD BE SO KIND?!"
When the two get off the bus, Dazai looks around as if they are visiting some interesting museum, following Chuuya as he, on the other hand, scans for a particular sign; he found the place on the internet and memorized how the storefront looks, so he just has to find it around here.
Dazai turns to read the sign he's passing by; a pet shop. On the top sign, there are various silhouettes of cats, a few little birds, and a fish. Noticing that there are no dogs, Dazai grins and turns to Chuuya.
"Hey Chuuya, did you see that you're not on the sign?"
"Eh?"
The bandaged arm points behind them, and then the brunette's head receives a rather strong slap. "But you are there." Chuuya comments, suddenly appreciating the observation, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Have you found the shop?" The subject get changed and the ginger chuckles, turning towards the redhead, who is meanwhile looking down at his phone. "No, I don't see it yet. It must be around that corner," the redhead's pace quickens, while Dazai's remains slow, almost ending up being dragged, until he turns the corner; there is at least a 2-meter distance between him and Chuuya, but Dazai swears he has never run so much in his life.
A prank, they are far enough apart to surprise him somehow from behind, he could jump on him and give him a scare, even though Chuuya knows him so well that he would expect it.
"CHUUYA! WATCH WHERE THE HELL YOU'RE GOING!" a hand secures on his arm and the redhead is pulled back with a sudden force that he finds himself slamming into Dazai's chest, the impulse to elbow him and break free, yelling what the hell he is thinking of— a fraction of a second later a car passes in front of them, almost grazing Chuuya's frame before Dazai moves to step back, keeping him smashed on his chest.
The crunch of the phone (it slipped from his hand when he was yanked away) the only sound that seems to be relevant in the moment.
The redhead freezes, the color draining from his face.
The only thing Chuuya hears now is Dazai's heartbeat, so intense it almost makes him wonder how the taller man doubts his own humanity. The only thing he sees is the white streaks on the ground, the phone that until a minute ago - or maybe two? Who knows - was held in his hands, now black and white, bent in half by a wheel that could easily have made things worse than a mere broken phone.
When the shock begins to fade and Chuuya slowly recovers, he realizes how strong the grip on his arm is - so much so that it starts to hurt him - but this time he doesn't immediately pull away, he doesn't act impulsively as he usually does with the brunette; instead, he gradually detaches himself from his chest and lifts his head to look at him.
Dazai seems to be looking at a version of events that didn't happen.
He doesn't blink, staring at the floor as if the scene continues to unfold behind those retinas, his mouth hangs slightly agape, he managed to be even paler than he usually is, and the grip on his arm doesn't loosen.
"Hey? Dazai, Dazai, DAZAI!" the moment Chuuya violently grabs his chin, squeezing his jaw and pulling him to look into his eyes, he blinks twice and then his expression softens, the grip loosens.
He is so genuinely shocked that Chuuya can't help but soften every time Dazai shows vulnerability. "I'm alive, I'm here, stop lingering on paranoia, okay?" the brunette stares into his eyes so intensely Chuuya is sure that one more second would have been enough to gain secret access to his mind and see what he's thinking, what he's seeing.
But Dazai breaks the contact and nods slowly, finally letting go of his arm and scratching his neck. "The phone... it's broken now." he murmurs, with a voice so faint Chuuya almost hear his own sensitive side blossom.
But he will never allow himself to show it in front of the beast that is Dazai Osamu. He swallows what he feels and nods. "I have eyes too. Well, I guess I'll have to rely on memory now."
"But where did the car go?"
"Well, it didn't cause any damage other than breaking my phone, they took a big risk. Of course, they ran off with their tail between their legs." he shrugs; making sure to look for passing cars, Dazai reaches out and picks up the phone with two fingers, holding it as if he had just picked up a possum by the tail.
"Don't look at it like you've just picked up a dead pigeon. We'll take it home and see what's in there because I have important things in it and I certainly won't lose them because of an idiot who can't brake at pedestrian crossings." he snaps before walking back into the pedestrian crossings.
Dazai doesn't leave his side for a second.
The only thing worth doing for the other is not to bring up this event again; Chuuya will be more careful, that's all. This doesn't stop Dazai from sticking to him like glue during all their hang outs, though.
In the end they find the store, and they come out really satisfied; with two pajamas, one black and one white, with a silly sentence meant for each other.
"Honestly, it's mandatory that one of us stays at the other's house tonight, I absolutely want to wear this thing." the shorter one waves the bag he's holding, and Dazai agrees.
"Odasaku seems to be eager to bake a cake since days, maybe if we ask him tonight, he'll do it with us?" he proposes, picking up his phone.
"I also have to tell my mom about the phone in this condition..."
"Awwwww, so you have to go back home??" the affirmative nod makes the brunette whine even more, but at this point Chuuya just snaps about how "he should be grateful he's staying" before ignoring him, as usual.
When in the evening the two boys approach Odasaku for the dessert, he has no problem agreeing to the offer, informing them that he already has all the ingredients.
The closing of the kitchen door signals trouble ahead.
The plan is to make a cheesecake.
"So... we need 200 grams of cookies.." Dazai mumbles, reading the recipe from his brother's phone as he takes a large enough bowl from the bottom drawer.
Odasaku takes the necessary cookies and then, without needing to be told, he grinds them together, tossing the crumbled cookies into a deep plate.
"Then Odasaku, you have to mix it with like 100 grams of melted butter," the brunette informs the boy, who takes the melted butter from Chuuya's hands; the latter starts working on the cake batter, taking yogurt, cream cheese, fresh cream, powdered sugar, and gelatin sheets.
"Give me the gelatin sheets, chibi, I'll prepare them." The mackerel chant in a singsong manner as if he is talking to a child, but since Chuuya wants to be civil at least in front of his brother he lets him be, ignoring him and giving him what he is asking for.
Chuuya tosses the cream cheese into the bowl he has and then mixes it with the yogurt, starting to stir as if his life depends on it. Meanwhile, Odasaku sets the cake base in the fridge, now waiting for something he can do to help.
"Here, Odasaku, you drain the gelatin sheets, I'll heat the cream." nodding, the man starts to follow the instruction, while hearing Dazai babble about whether "heating it in the microwave is a good option."
And apparently, it's not.
Because that's why they all had to stop and try to put out a fire; Dazai accidentally forgot to remove the spoon (which he used because he mistakenly poured too much cream into the utensil) from the pot, resulting in... this.
Everything is resolved in the half-hour in which Odasaku managed to put out the fire with an extinguisher he had in the basement.
"Why on earth do you have a fire extinguisher at home.."
"It's not the first time Dazai has set something on fire. It has happened so many times that I had to find a quick remedy for next time." the man explains casually; indeed, he is not - as expected - alarmed at all. On the contrary, they probably took so long because he had to locate the fire extinguisher.
"I'll have to buy a new microwave," he then mutters, crossing his arms resignedly.
Is this an everyday occurrence for him?
For them? Dazai started laughing when it broke out, with a very ironic "oops."
And Chuuya is so tempted to call them psychopaths, crazy, but if they really are, Odasaku is the most rational psychopath he has ever met, and Dazai is the dumbest one.
"Goodbye cake.." as soon as he realizes that the cake cannot proceed, these are the words that come out of his mouth, a slight pout painted on his face.
Chuuya loves cooking in company. Next time, he'll just ask Odasaku; after all, Dazai is used to being excluded from his friendships.
The ginger boy turns to the redhead and sighs.
"Goodbye cake."
➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳
"And you're telling me this isn't a gay attitude?"
"What the hell are you implying, excuse me?" with a shocked gasp from the redhead, the fingers holding a fork with carrots right in front of Dazai's mouth freezes, while his head quickly snaps towards the poor soul who dared to speak.
The same poor soul who fearlessly, with the audacity fluttering around and a confident expression, meets the furious boy's eyes with the same energy he radiates, her bobbed purple hair hanging and shiny, kissed by the morning sky's light. "Come on, buddy. You're literally feeding him!"
The whole group, scattered on the ground casually even though they are all positioned to be close together - forming a very crooked circle - is busy having lunch on the rooftop, each with a bag between their legs or next to their figure. For example, the boy dressed entirely in black, Akutagawa, refuses to touch the food.
"If I don't take care of him, this bastard would starve to death!"
"All excuses."
"THEY'RE NOT EXCUSES!"
The angrier Chuuya gets, the more Yosano enjoys it. The girl ends up chuckling again as she takes a bite of her lunch. It has always worked like this between them; Chuuya and Dazai joined the group, and as much as Chuuya managed to make friends with almost everyone in a short time, Dazai has always felt, somehow, like his shadow.
As the year progressed, he too started to have his own conversations and to intervene in discussions, integrating into the group. He was so quiet that when he finally used a normal tone of voice instead of low or whispered, Atsushi, Ranpo, and Yosano rejoiced, as "they hear so little of his voice that every time he speaks, the whole group goes silent"
Now however, every time he speaks, what dances in their heads is more like "we're so used to your voice that if you're quiet we celebrate" but no one ever says it because they know that could only motivate Dazai to speak further.
"You remind me of two cows." and comments like Kenji's serve probably to break the silence that has formed, occasionally leave people laughing - like Dazai, who almost chokes on the carrot he just swallowed - and people confused. The blond has his eyes directed towards Yosano and Ranpo who, in the meantime, brought some pasta for lunch, and many, MANY packs of candies.
"Two... cows?" letting out a notably uncertain laugh, the girl reluctantly brings the fork back to her mouth.
"Yes! Did you know that cows have best friends? Apparently, when you separate them, they feel bad and miss each other! When I found out, my heart broke because they can't do anything except hope that their friend comes back, without having any contact with each other!"
Despite the silence seeming embarrassing for almost everyone in the group, Ranpo, Atsushi and Dazai - who continues to chuckle under his breath - don't seem to notice it. Chuuya stuffs food into his mouth, even if he refuses to open it.
"Open this damn mouth, I'm about to stop."
"But Chuuya! You're making me eat because otherwise I'll starve, and you give up for so little?"
Meanwhile, Kenji continues to speak effusively, exposing and letting his group know how the cows "Caterina" and "Sole" are definitely best friends and that he will do his best to not let them be separated.
After placing the food bag by his side, Chuuya rises himself to his knees, rising higher and taking advantage of Dazai's confusion to stuff food into his mouth before pressing his lips together. He smiles to suppress any insult and show his pride, before letting go of his lips and hissing, "You better swallow it or I swear your dream of committing suicide with - what's her name, that bitch? Sasaki? Whatever her name is, it goes up in smoke, because I'll kill you here and now."
Atsushi hears Kenji's words, but gets easily distracted by his speech. It seems more like an incoherent and disjointed ramble. Akutagawa seems more invested, imagining it's because he has nothing better to do.
Blinking, Chuuya watches as Dazai's jaw moves slowly under his grip, and only after a minute he let go of his chin.
"And that's why I love fresh milk!" When Kenji's speech ends, Atsushi smiles and takes one last bite of the small pizza, thus finishing the meal for the day.
Chuuya turns to retrieve the food and sits up straight, missing the smug grin that appears on the face of the companion next to him. As soon as he feels the warmth emanating from his head, signaling that the brunette is about to approach (probably to lean on his shoulder), Chuuya's instinct makes him recoil with a sound of disgust, but this doesn't prevent Dazai from approaching anyway and whispering something in his ear; "Kinky, Chuuya."
The reaction of the boy with perfect features is immediate;
"DO YOU WANT A PUNCH IN THE EYE?"
The shout silences the rest of the group, who, as they turn to observe the situation, find Chuuya, as usual to be honest, holding Dazai on the ground with his hands tightly around his neck, with the whole intention of strangling him to death.
Of course, no one is worried because Chuuya would never actually be able to kill Dazai. Nevertheless, every time things like this happen, the smile on Dazai's face (which further annoys Chuuya) seems like that of someone who has just shared their first kiss with someone they've loved for 7 years.
"I want to go out tonight, who's volunteering to come with me?"
As the boy with legs stuffed with candies offers, Yosano is the first to volunteer, reiterating -since if she doesn't say it at least 5 times a day she's not happy- that if Ranpo goes out, she's sticking with him. Then Akutagawa also speaks up, who never seems to mind the presence of the two.
Slowly the whole group gathers for the outing.
"I'm not coming."
Everyone except Dazai.
Ranpo is not the usual one to organize outings, which is why when he does, almost everyone gathers; as extroverted as Ranpo is, he remains asleep until late in the morning, and his after-school nap usually ends around 9 in the evening, straight to dinner.
And when someone else organizes, he says that "if he wakes up, he'll come," so it's a logical no thrown right in front, sparkling and indelible. Dazai, on the other hand... Dazai is introvert to the core, of course.
It's not so rare for him to refuse an outing, although during most of those, he agrees to come. Initially, he wouldn't show up saying yes, but realizing that doing so would result in 30 calls and 15 messages from Yosano, 57 calls and 33 messages from Atsushi, and 132 from Chuuya with at least 340 chat messages from him as well, he understood that lying isn't the best option.
Ignoring was okay, but proceeding like that the phone would have gone crazy on its own.
"Come on, Dazai, come with us!" Atsushi smiles hopefully but only receives an uninterested look.
"How boring you are, your best friend is coming, and you're not?" Yosano rolls her eyes, Chuuya continues to eat slowly and calmly. He gets a sideways glance from Dazai; to the others, he may just be having lunch peacefully, but who among them knows him better than he does?
Slowly, Dazai begins to create distance, and it's then that Chuuya places the almost finished lunch bag back on the ground.
"HEY HEY CHUUYA, CAN WE TALK!"
"DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW YOU!"
➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳
"So Dazai's not coming, huh?" Yosano places a hand on her hip and doesn't bother to hide the exasperated huff when the response from the hat lover is affirmative. The latter grimaces, then takes out his phone.
"I don't trust that slimy bastard," he says as he turns on the phone, "so I'll probably annoy the hell out of him all evening." Finding these words intriguing, the girl crosses her arms and lets a smile of genuine interest show. "And can I join in?"
"Oh, of course. After this, I'm sure he'll want to marry me from how intensely he'll love me."
When Dazai returned from school, he didn't think about anything except collapsing into bed; having not slept all night and struggling ardently not to fall asleep during the entire school day, as soon as he set foot in his room, he didn't even have time to feel the pillow before meeting the darkness he loves so much.
Dazai loves sleeping more than anything in the world; the boy with a burning passion for suicide. Since sleep, a way to disconnect the brain from the world, a consequence-free coma, a short-term death, is the closest thing to the peace he desires so much, he does nothing but stay in bed to sleep when social activities end.
Dazai's problem is that in the morning, when the external noises are so loud they silence anything his mind can come up with (so full of thoughts so intricately intertwined that proper concentration is needed to unravel them, but when they are unraveled, an insomniac night is on its way), he can sleep without problems.
And then comes the night.
When Dazai doesn't feel sleepy at all.
When it happens, which is very often, there are two options: one better left unspoken, or spam Chuuya.
The poor redhead finds himself blocking Dazai in the evening before sleeping, and if he ever forgets... well, good luck with the 1165 messages the next morning. Occasionally, Chuuya doubts that his dear mackerel gets drunk because what he writes is so nonsensical and random that it confuses him.
But then he thinks about it and categorically refuses to believe such a conclusion. And not because he would be disgusted by it, nor because he thinks Dazai wouldn't do it; rather, because if he accidentally found out, he would probably make sure he never dared to touch a drop of alcohol again. He would be afraid to even drink a glass of water in front of him, he's sure of it.
Chuuya may find annoyance in Dazai's presence (but every time he's not there, he finds himself hoping he'll magically appear from a corner), he can say he hates him and can't stand him as much as he wants, he can insult him and revile him and spit out his name, but he never wants anything serious to happen to him.
Only the thought that Dazai could die sends a shiver down his spine.
No, Chuuya has always says he wants to kill him, he always strangle him, and probably who knows how many other threats he has thrown at him over the course of their acquaintance, but none of that has ever been true, and Chuuya could never imagine what it means to receive the call, probably from Oda, that Dazai didn't make it.
He is sure that the consequence would be prolonged enough. Maybe even more than he can think, or maybe less. No one can know until it happens.
But god, Chuuya fervently hopes he never has the opportunity to find out.
"When are the others coming?"
Now standing on a low wall, the boy and the girl chat easily about this and that.
"Ranpo and Kenji are always late. I'm not sure if Akutagawa is really coming... and Atsushi, well, he'll come holding Mr. White Tufts by the collar at most." She shrugs nonchalantly, looking towards the street.
Chuuya does the same for a few seconds. The cars are like repetitive, matching colors that blend with his vision. They are all white cars.
Chuuya notices, and thinks it's a strange coincidence, all the cars are white, even the parked ones; it's amusing.
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝙼𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚕
𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐?
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝚒𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎
𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞
𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚝
𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚐𝚛𝚞𝚍𝚐𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝙸 𝚊𝚖
𝚜𝚘
𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞
And after that last not very reassuring communication, Yosano throws a glance at Chuuya, only to see him as a bunch of stickers completely within reach are hurled into the chat, a maniacal smile painted on his face. The girl laughs, "You said he hates it when he gets spammed." she comments, only to widen Chuuya's smirk, so broad his cheeks start to hurt.
As soon as the messages are viewed, of course, Chuuya doesn't stop at all.
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝚂𝚃𝙾𝙿, 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙸𝚂 𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙴𝚂𝚃𝚁𝙾𝚈 𝙸𝚃𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙵
𝙽𝙰𝙺𝙰𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰 𝙲𝙷𝚄𝚄𝚈𝙰.
On the contrary, he keeps going. These messages are motivational for him.
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝
𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚖𝚎? 𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚍.
Chuuya sends 3 more stickers, then turns off the phone screen with a satisfied smile, completely happy with his decision and how the situation unfolded; in his favor, of course.
Just as he notices in the distance a low blond head and a taller white one beside it, he immediately recognizes the two individuals as Kenji and Atsushi on the other side of the street; he notices them before Yosano, who instead jumped off the low wall a few minutes earlier to adjust her skirt, which apparently was bothering her in that position.
As soon as the two boys cross the streets Chuuya also descends, making sure to put the phone in his pocket before moving away to join them. As he approaches, he notices Akutagawa behind them; dressed in black clothes, black hair, and skin covered in shadow, the boy looked more like Atsushi's silhouette than another person.
If Chuuya hadn't known him, he would have had a heart attack as soon as he noticed him.
"About time! What were you doing? Did you get lost?" Chuuya asks.
"Akutagawa didn't want to come, Kenji forgot. I dragged Akutagawa and called Kenji." Atsushi explains, with a sweet smile as usual.
As if he hadn't just admitted to probably blackmailing Akutagawa in some way to get him to come.
"We met on the way here, so we finished the rest of the way together!" Kenji finishes, smiling, his smile wider and more genuine than anyone else's.
Not even Atsushi can reach the level of innocence Kenji expresses.
The other two nod. "So?"
"Shouldn't Ranpo and Dazai be arriving too?" Atsushi asks, but Yosano waves her hand.
"Dazai isn't coming." Yosano informs Chuuya before all three are overtaken by Yosano's voice.
"A city tour it is then! But we'll stop at the first bar we find, I absolutely need to get something to drink." the girl always speaks so confidently that probably, if Atsushi hadn't been so kind-hearted, and if Akutagawa had something against her, they would have envied her.
But Atsushi is proud of her, while Akutagawa wishes he weren't here.
When Chuuya takes another look at his phone, they are inside a bar they stumbled upon while walking.
He is almost surprised, perhaps not even for a second, to find an audio message. No, two audio messages from Dazai!
What on earth has he done?
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When Chuuya hears it, he is a bit perplexed; then, he bursts out laughing. He erupts into a hearty laughter, so loud that it almost hurts his chest.
He told him to go to hell. With all the force in his lungs, desperation imprinted in his voice. Wiping away a tear, the boy smiles as if he had been admitted to some magical school where he can kick asses without consequences.
And when he looks back at his friends, they all look back, amused because Chuuya's laughter is so damn contagious.
"It's Dazai." he explains, letting out another chuckle, "he told me to go to hell, I heard his soul speaking to me in first person in this audio. "and he glances at Yosano, who nearly chokes on her coffee, barely holding back a laugh.
Then, he blinks and looks back at the chat "...nah, Dazai doesn't have a soul." he adds.
Yosano almost chokes again, trying not to burst out laughing.
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛, 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝.
After that, Chuuya can see Dazai responding with three suspension points, but he doesn't reply, ignoring the phone as the order arrives, thanking the waiter politely before lowering his face, the scent of delight enveloping his senses, a spontaneous smile adorning his features.
"Do you have anything to do after midnight?"
"I have no idea what you have in mind, but if it involves going to crowded places, count me out." Akutagawa immediately goes on the defensive, and Chuuya thinks he's right, while Yosano looks shocked.
Her intention is probably to invite someone to a nightclub. Chuuya doesn't hate it, but he just said he would go to Mr. Alcoholic's place without alcohol; deceiving him about something like that, since even though he has never expressed it, Chuuya knows that Dazai loves spending nights with him, seems too much even against Dazai.
He wonders if the brunette also makes so many intricate reasonings before doing something. He turns on the phone display again, just to give himself an almost sarcastic smile at the message he reads, but he doesn't view it. He turns off the phone again and then plunges into his evening snack.
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝙸𝚏 𝙸 𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚢𝚎𝚜, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎, 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝?
Even though the answer never came, Dazai knows well that it would have been affirmative; after all, Chuuya always comes back home dead tired after hang outs.
➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝙲𝚑𝚞𝚞𝚢𝚊,
𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎?
No response.
Chuuya, under Dazai's house, with his phone resting on the wall and with Ranpo, Yosano, and Atsushi by his side, is doing a silly dance like he's never seen before.
"No! You're doing it wrong! Look, you have to do it like this!" Ranpo corrects him, laughing. "Come on, come on, start over!"
"DAMMIT!" letting out a cry of frustration, Chuuya repeats the video again.
When the gate of the house is opened and a worryingly skinny body emerges, looking at the scene with a raised eyebrow and wearing pajamas that look very soft and comfortable, it is understood that Dazai's curiosity has been piqued to the fullest extent.
"Hmm... Yosano, can you explain to me what the hell the shrimp is up to?" the girl almost chuckles at the nickname, then gestures in his direction, turning to look at her classmate. "He lost a bet, and now he has to do this stupid dance. Until he does it perfectly, he has to repeat it."
"Oh."
"And then, once he perfects it, he'll post it— Dazai?" blinking, the girl follows the very clumsy mini-run (knowing him, definitely done on purpose) of the brunette before crashing into Chuuya, waist warmly and comfortingly wrapped by the sleeves of the pajamas. For a moment -clearly caught off guard- Chuuya remains still staring at the phone's recording; he can clearly see the wavy hair tucked into the short-sleeved shirt that Chuuya is wearing.
As he watches the screen, he also notices the white cars racing behind them.
Chuuya feels Dazai gradually burying his head in his shoulder, gently rubbing his nose against the younger one's smooth skin, arms wrapping tighter; outside must be an immensely... questionable scene, seeing how Dazai approaches and almost desperately seeks such an extremely close contact with the redhead.
"...FUCKING HELL, JUST WHEN IT WAS GOING WELL!" and then, as soon as he realizes the situation, the likely-future-model kicks behind him, hitting the void but having a positive effect as Dazai breaks free from the grip, with a wicked smile on his face, as usual.
"You piece of crap, let me finish this video or they won't leave me alone!"
"You can do it while I hug you."
"I'M NOT GONNA MOVE MY HIPS WITH YOU BEHIND ME, DARLING."
"Why not?" The question is not genuine at all, and his eyelids relax to cover half his pupils, smile widening.
"...stop looking at me with that expression, it seems like you haven't slept for 6 days in a row."
"I haven't slept for 4 days to be precise, but if it makes you happy, there have been times in the past when I've gone 15 days without closing my eyes."
"...that wasn't—"
"Then I almost ended up in the hospital, but hey, unfortunately, I'm still here—" this time it's Chuuya's turn to interrupt him.
"You try again to stay awake for so long, or less, or more, and I swear instead of killing you I'll make you immortal."
Dazai remains silent. He stays so silent, so much so that Chuuya doubts he will respond, until his expression turns into one of absolute terror.
"Chibi, I don't like how the threats are starting to sound threatening!"
"Resign yourself." he bursts out before rewinding the video.
First replay, Dazai blocks him; he hugs him.
Second replay, he pulls his hair.
Third replay, he takes his phone and runs away.
In short, he avoids in every way possible from actually being able to make this video without going into a rage.
"Listen.. I don't know if you understand the situation, but this goody-two-shoes won't let me make the video, and threatening him with death makes him happy, so I'll do it another time."
"Alright, but know we demand it!" Ranpo points his finger at him with an amused smile, while Dazai continues to spin around, making stupid faces as he frames himself on the phone, creating a myriad of highly useless videos and photos.
"Yeah, yeah, I wonder why you're so obsessed with something like this."
Dazai gives him a look, then sniffs and smiles. "The girl is reckless," Dazai's smile widens on his lips and dies on Chuuya's.
"She killed herself and you survived, or did you have sex and did not like it—"
"CHUUUYAA WHAT THE HELL KIND OF QUESTIONS ARE THOSE?" putting a hand on his chest as if he had just been shot 10 times, the boy barely breathes before raising a finger. "And besides, if it was the first option, it would have been a real shame."
"...you're not denying the second option." blinks.
By now the rest of the group is silent, intrigued, disinterested, confused. Atsushi is a bit scandalized.
"Sasaki would never have sex with me, Chuuya!" that phrase, spoken out loud, elicits a laugh from the brunet.
"So she dumped you."
"..."
A sigh.
"Yes, okay. She dumped me."
Now it's Chuuya's turn to laugh.
"Guys, what if we plan things to do for this last week? Since we will spend all the holidays without seeing each other.." Atsushi speaks after the formed silence, as a consequence of Chuuya's loud laughter that died maybe 20 seconds ago.
"It's a good idea!" Kenji responds almost immediately, clapping his hands together cheerfully. "We could organize an evening all together, or maybe go for a walk somewhere, or a picnic!"
"Picnic sounds good, Kenji!" Ranpo intervenes grinning, then looks at the others. "Everyone in favor of the idea?" he asks.
No one seems to want to back out. "As long as it's not too crowded, it won't be a bother." Dazai murmurs, as usual not even touching the slightest crumb of the lunch that Odasaku prepared for him the night before.
"Perfect!" Kenji and Atsushi speak at the same time, before meeting each other gazes and smiling. They enjoy simple things, the two purest and sweetest of the group probably.
Every member is present in the group; there's the clown, the one who ends up in school battles without even understanding how he got in the middle, the quiet child, the innocent/naive one. There's the drama queen, the extrovert who seems introverted, the introvert who seems extroverted.
In short, you can find everything in this group.
Each person brings something.
And Dazai has decided to bring someone directly.
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝙼𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚕.
𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞? 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚘𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐??
Chuuya is inside his own house, looking out the window, waiting for the brunet to show up. They had agreed to meet downstairs at Chuuya's place, as it's the shortest way to go to the park where they decided.
As soon as his phone rings, he lights up the screen just to scroll through the group chat he shares with his friends; he almost throws the phone out of the window as soon as he sees that it's Dazai who has written, surely knowing perfectly well that Chuuya would look.
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙿𝙸𝙴𝙲𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝚂𝙷𝙸𝚃
𝙸 𝚂𝙴𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙼𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚂 𝙸𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙿
𝙰𝙽𝚂𝚆𝙴𝚁 𝙼𝚈 𝙼𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚂, 𝙽𝙾𝚆.
But his messages equally don't get a response, and he sees the boy reach his house at least after half an hour of waiting, which cost at least 34 ignored calls.
"SON OF A—" his voice dies in his throat "...bitch..?" he mutters to himself, of course so low that it doesn't make him heard below.
Because next to Dazai, with a curious and calm look, there is a boy he has never, ever seen before. "CHUUYYYAAA COME DOWN!"
And after making sure to stomp on the closed window with enough force to be clearly heard by the bastard outside his house, he notifies his mom that Dazai has arrived and almost runs out of the house. Yes, the sight of someone he doesn't know confused him for a moment, but that doesn't stop him from closing the door, taking off the shoulder bag he's carrying, gently placing it on the floor, and then launching himself at full speed towards Dazai, who doesn't even bother to move as a punch lands on his face, so strong that it knocks him out and makes him fall backward.
"My messages," he informs him acidly, looking down at him with his hands in his pockets. He raises his head towards the boy next to him.
"Hello," he greets, then looks back down at the blindfolded boy, now with a hand behind his head, pulling himself up as he massages his neck; Chuuya is tempted to give him a knee strike.
"MY 34 CALLS." he reproaches him again, growling fiercely, tempted to give him another punch.
He then reproaches him again, growling shamelessly.
Meanwhile, Dazai's friend looks at the two uncertain, unsure whether to intervene or to pull back and act as a spectator.
"I don't know who you are," Chuuya looks up at the boy again, then reaches out his hand towards him, "But I'm sorry you're in contact with this idiot. I guess you already know but anyway, I'm Chuuya." with a rather vague introduction, Chuuya tries to make up for having "ignored" him, and the boy seems to appreciate it, smiling and shaking his hand.
"To be honest, my encounter with him is entirely random, thanks to his brother... in any case, nice to meet you, I'm Fyodor." nodding, they release hands before both turning their gaze towards Dazai.
"Listen... I'd say leave him behind."
"But Chibii... my head hurts now! It's all your fault and you even want to leave me like this AND steal my friend?!"
The way the boy appears before his eyes is simply stunning; breathtaking. The way the rays of light rest on his hair, illuminating every single strand and kissing it. Dazai is sure he sees a sky completely blue, devoid of imperfections in those eyes. He will never admit what he truly thinks of the redhead, but it doesn't really take much to reach that conclusion, from the way his mouth opens and he stares, not even responding or paying attention to his words.
He does it as soon as Chuuya moves, going to retrieve his own bag before passing by the two boys to walk in the direction of the park. Meanwhile, a particularly pale hand is extended in front of the blindfolded boy. "Your little friend there is quite... aggressive."
"He's only like that with me! I have no idea what I've done to be treated this way!"
After being helped to stand up, he runs his hands over his pants to clean them and then proceeds to walk, trying to reach Chuuya who has meanwhile put some distance and doesn't seem inclined to stop. "You two are definitely very close, aren't you?"
Brown eyes almost perfectly match the purple ones. The silence is accompanied by their breaths, their steps, and the passing cars. For a while, Dazai simply stares at the cars passing by. Fyodor is glad that white is becoming so popular, it's probably his favorite color for cars designs. "Uh? What makes you think that?" the boy shrugs, looking ahead. An unreadable smile appears on his face. "I'm just assuming... but your reaction doesn't make me change my mind. Usually, it takes a certain level of familiarity with someone to..." he gestures with his hand towards the brunet. "...getting out of the house and first thing giving you a punch so hard it almost knocks a tooth out."
"Oh! That's normal."
Those words almost make him laugh, but he remains silent. Both are aware of what he meant, there's no need to specify it again.
When the three boys arrive at the picnic spot, it doesn't take long for the whole group to gather around a quite large tablecloth.
Kenji arrived with Ranpo, and they brought a homemade-looking cake together; a mixed berry cake, probably. Kenji also brought some different flavored cupcakes.
Atsushi brought two baskets; one containing some sandwiches with random ingredients, and in the other, the sandwiches were made according to the group's preferences after he asked if there were any preferences from each of them.
Akutagawa didn't bring anything, while Gin showed up with two packs of chocolate bars and a bottle of water.
Chuuya brought some store-bought mini pizzas. They're good, he usually snacks on them every now and then. He also brought a few bottles of various drinks, which made his backpack quite heavy, but he didn't really care.
Dazai didn't bring anything, but Fyodor brought something in his place; homemade cookies - which also seem to have been made with the company of a child - with various shapes.
Yosano brought various drinks. In a short time, Fyodor becomes known throughout the group, who for the first 10 minutes didn't speak with anyone else but him, being a new friend that no one knew.
In the end, there are intelligent people in the group, and people who know what it means to be excluded. Both types of people understand that this is the best way to interact with a new company.
So, the picnic idea turned out well; they end up playing various games to pass the time and not stay silent while eating. "Truth or Dare!"
"You couldn't find a more boring and mundane game, Dazai?" Akutagawa bursts out, and Gin gives him a sideways glance, as she does almost every time her brother opens his mouth in any situation.
Akutagawa seems to never really have anything positive to say in specific situations, and his directness is almost always negative. Despite this, he seems to be able to understand Kenji's particular language and respond with his own energy. When the brother is absent, Gin says that she would definitely love to do something related to nature in the future because he seems to be deeply fascinated by it.
"Of course not, Akutagawa!!" Yosano sighs, waving her hand. "Truth or dare it is then. But you start, Dazai."
Dazai blinks, nodding.
"And Chuuya will be the one to ask you." she adds.
Dazai blinks again, but this time he frowns.
"What? Why Chuuya?!" He ignores the wicked smile that has grown on the lips of the red-haired man beside him.
"Because you two are ticks, and Chuuya would definitely make for a fun start," Yosano says.
With a loud huff, Dazai turns his face towards Chuuya.
"Truth or dare?"
"...dare." the boy responds somewhat uncertainly after a few seconds.
Chuuya takes his time to decide, then, as soon as he sees a couple of lovers in the distance, a smile reappears on his face.
"I dare you to go over to that couple over there, maybe walk by casually, and then approach them so they see you and accuse her of cheating on you."
"EXCUSE ME?"
"What? It's a dare, buddy. Move your ass."
"I can't believe this."
As if he were picking up a sleeping bag from the ground, Dazai pulls himself up and heads towards the couple. Meanwhile, the group doesn't even laugh, just smiling and too focused to look away.
Dazai walks casually, then turns to observe the couple; they are two young kids, maybe just a couple of years older than him, nothing too serious. This might work better in his favor, at least they are not seniors like some he sees around.
Approaching the two with the same casualness, as she turns to exchange a loving kiss with him, Dazai widens his eyes and brings his hands to his mouth. "..you.." His lips start to tremble slightly as he stares at the completely unknown girl in front of him, twisting her serene expression into one of absolute confusion.
"What? Do I know you?"
"..you even pretend not to know me..? Shame on you, you promised me you wouldn't do it again!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about!"
The couple is now separated, the boy unsure of what to do just like the girl, both taken by surprise.
"You don't have the... listen, forget it. I give up on you, okay! I give up, and then what, just to do the same thing with him, poor guy, and betray him for someone else you like more?! YOU'RE A DISGRACE!" As a tear falls from his eye, the boy turns his gaze on her, a shocked expression on his face. "Is that true, Isabel?"
By now, the group is laughing so hard that they can't see clearly anymore due to their vision being blurred by tears.
When the laughter finally dies down, with Dazai standing with his arms crossed and an indifferent face in the middle, he turns to Chuuya and smiles.
"Chuuya, truth or dare?"
"...truth."
A thoroughly wicked smile paints the lips of the brunette, who then proceeds; "Is it true that at the beginning of the school year you did a lot of things and blamed me for it? Sprayed the school wall with graffiti, robbing pens, pencils, books and putting them on my bag, writing a letter to the professor after learning my way of writing?" using the most innocent voice and the smoothest manner to pose his question, without blinking throughout, continuing to gaze at the ocean in front of him.
The same ocean that seems to want to swallow him more and more, each word a wave getting higher.
And then, as if the only way to get out of this accusation is this, the boy grits his teeth and hisses, in a tone so low not everyone in the group hear " . .you're a huge—"
But this seems to work perfectly for Dazai (who surely expected such a reaction), because before he can even finish the course of the insult, he almost starts shouting, "It's not a denial!" pointing at the boy with his hands as if he's faced with compelling evidence after years of futile fighting. "See? See?? I told you!"
Yosano still vividly remembers the writing on that wall; when it happened, she had pegged Dazai as someone despicable and disgusting, and had avoided him until she could overlook the fact. It didn't last long, and nowadays she laughs at the idea of what was written.
"Three years ago, and I'm supposed to be the one holding a grudge?!" the red-haired guy snaps, elbowing him hard enough to make him stumble onto his friend beside him, who instead of dodging him, turns and puts a hand on his shoulder, the other flying to his back.
As soon as Dazai realizes what happened, he straightens up again and rolls his eyes. Chuuya knows that the response he is about to give will be that of a perfect annoying nerd, and he mentally prepares himself to push him so that nothing and no one can stop him or get in the way between him and the sweet and kind floor.
"It's not grudge, chibi, I just have a very broad memory!" as usual, he is right.
"Screw you, Dazai, screw you."
The boy then turns towards the tablecloth and leans slightly to grab one of the sandwiches. "Anyway," he speaks, looking around, "whose turn is it now?"
"I'd say Akutagawa," Yosano gestures vaguely towards the boy, who at the sound of his name turns his head slightly in her direction, "so he stops standing there, still and quiet, staring at us as if he wants to incinerate us," she then completes her sentence with a bored smile.
With the most monotone voice the raven-haired man can muster, he corrects Yosano's words, almost as if he's giving constructive criticism; "I want to burn you all"
"And it's adorable to know Akutagawa." Dazai's ironic tone comes out as he presses his hands together, almost instinctively in response to such a comment.
Everyone knows Dazai is smiling at the image he has in his mind, which is himself burning.
After staring at the brown-haired boy for a second Yosano huffs, "Come on Akutagawa, truth or dare?" she almost offers, trying to coax him to change his mind with a passive-aggressive smile, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Absolutely not."
"Stop being difficult."
"Come on, Akutagawa, if you're afraid that by choosing truth we might ask you something personal - which surely all of us would do here," Dazai clears his throat, "you can choose the great old Fyodor here! He doesn't know anything about you, he absolutely can't ask anything personal."
As the blindfolded suicidal wraps an arm around the shoulders of the black-haired russian, he receives two disapproving looks; one from Fyodor, who does not want to be caught in the middle with a person who clearly does not want to play, and the other from Akutagawa, who at this moment would rather get up and go home, sleep is much better than anything they are trying to make him do.
"Listen, I'm not stupid," Akutagawa straightens up to look clearly at the piece of crap with a wide smile full of cunning, "I'm sure this guy knows something about me, and if not, you would whisper to him what to ask me." he points out, exuding acid from every pore with every letter that comes out his mouth.
"Me? How could I! I suggested choosing him precisely because he can't ask you sophisticated questions!"
"Listen," the Russian clears his throat, "I'd say if he doesn't want to play, there's no need to force him."
This comment receives a completely exasperated sigh from Dazai, who mutters "party pooper" under his breath before turning towards him, removing his arm from his shoulders. "You sound just like my brother. Do you know how annoying you are?"
"Ah," the boy nods. "But it seems to me that the redhead there gets along with me," he points to Chuuya, who has no qualms about admitting his words with a wide grin. "I might just claim him as my best friend."
Those words prompted a piercing scream from Dazai, indignant. "HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THINGGGG." if the atmosphere were to be quieter, people could clearly hear Dazai's heart breaking into a thousand pieces inside his ribcage.
But by now, the group is used to it, and Fyodor has understood what a terrible drama queen this boy is, so no one acts shocked, except for Ranpo's complaints that "he could scream less."
Given the failed attempt to get him to participate, Yosano turns to someone else, the first person she sees. "Atsushi, truth or dare?"
The boy stops for a few seconds, every movement frozen, as if he's in class and the teacher has called on him for a question he knows nothing about, then he thinks. "....dare." he mumbles, unsure.
"Oh, oh! Look at him! The boy starts with courage!" Ranpo's comment is not reassuring, but Yosano silences him with a roll of her eyes.
"Let me think..." as soon as a smile appears on her face, Atsushi's anxiety and anticipation all surge at once. "I dare you to call your mom and tell her you're getting arrested."
The whole group falls into silence.
"Yosano, you are out of your mind," Atsushi's voice is completely exasperated, a nervous laugh continues to break the silence as the boy drums his legs.
"Oh come on, I could have told you something worse, you should thank me!"
"T-THAT'S NOT REASSURING!"
➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳
"ODASAKUUUUU"
"What the hell is he on?"
Odasaku, Dazai and Chuuya are in the kitchen, at Brunet's house. Dazai is clinging to Odasaku's leg, who is leaning back against the cabinet next to the stove, sipping coffee.
Chuuya just arrived, and since then Dazai has been clinging to him and doesn't seem to give an explanation for this behavior.
Every time the two of them tried to speak to him, he simply shouted his brother's name.
"I don't know," is the completely indifferent response of the red-haired man, who finishes his coffee, places the cup behind him, then lowers his head towards the mummy that continues to cling almost desperately to his leg.
With a light sigh he picks him up by the arms, forcing him to unroll them before grabbing him firmly by the hips and pulling him up, putting his weight on his own side and holding him with one hand on the thigh and the other around the waist.
"Dazai, can you tell me what you want?"
Chuuya is ready for another jungle-worthy scream, but his ears thank him when Dazai finally uses his normal tone instead of that beastly one he keeps inside. "I want to go out with you tonighhht! I don't want to go out with my friends, but I don't want to stay home either, and I don't want to go out alone." he whines so perfectly that for a moment, Odasaku is convinced he is holding one of his students in his arms.
"You want to go out with me?" he then asks, as if seeking reassurance; but the question sounded more like a warning as it's better if he changes his mind. Dazai seems to ignore every signal and nods vigorously, so vigorously his hair bounces like some funny animation.
"...I guess we can do that."
"YESSSSSSS"
The child throws his arms around Odasaku's shoulders, showing affection that is not reciprocated, although the fact Odasaku is holding him in his arms is enough for him. He buries his head in his neck, relaxing his shoulders.
"So—" just as the redhead is about to say goodbye, since apparently Dazai has asked him to come unnecessarily, as he will surely stay like this all day until they eventually have to go out (it has happened many times before), he is interrupted almost immediately.
"And Chuuya is coming with us!" with a rather unexpected exclamation.
"HAH?!"
As first time Dazai sets foot in the curious bar where Odasaku has brought him, he is noisy and can't keep his hands to himself; he touches everything. The flyers hanging, the packets on the counter, the stools, the now empty glasses still in plain sight.
Chuuya, on the other hand, sits down as soon as he enters, ending up scolding Dazai and managing to convince him to sit down himself. As soon as he finally sits without showing any more crisis and jumping off the stool to put his fingers where they shouldn't be, the ginger lets out a sigh of relief.
Meanwhile, Odasaku apologizes to the bartender. "the usual."
"What's the usual, Odasaku?? Can I order it too??"
"No." without hesitation, like every response from the older brother, he answers as his glass is served. "Ooooh, alcohol! Well, come on, you can ask for me too."
"You're underage. You can't drink."
"You're clever," he grumbles annoyed. "You come here to drink because you know that doing it at home would mean I could do it in secret, right? Right??"
A sigh escapes the boy's lips before he takes a sip, without answering.
"I guess he comes here to get away from you, boring piece of crap. Can you shut up for two seconds?"
"By the way, you have two jobs, Odasaku! What are they?? I only know one of them, you NEVER talk about the second one, never!! I want to know about..."
The only reason he was interrupted is because he spoke so much that he got distracted and lost track of what he was talking about; Odasaku suddenly looks behind him, where the entrance of the bar should extend.
The two teenagers follow his gaze accordingly, only to see a boy/man quietly descending the stairs. He exudes a sense of cleanliness, orderliness, and coordination. For some reason.
Perhaps the glasses? Perhaps the tense expression? Perhaps the rhythmic step? When the boy with the silence of a fish in a bowl sits next to Odasaku (he has been watching him the whole time), he finally speaks; "You said you would bring him one day. But who is the other one?" Even the voice screams coordination and precision.
He happen to sit down between Odasaku and Dazai.
"Huh?" Both boys mumble together, leaning in to take an additional look at the boy. "He wanted to bring a friend" the red-haired man replies, taking another sip of his drink.
"Oh, I see. The usual, thanks." he also orders a usual, and then Dazai leans towards him, the proximity seems to make him anxious, as he suddenly feels like he has no personal space left. "Who are you?" he accuses, with a confused tone, pointing at him.
"I'm... a colleague of your brother, perhaps, let's say." he murmurs the last two words, and that seems to further confuse the child, before it all turns into a pout and the boy sits back abruptly on the stool. For two seconds, Chuuya was afraid the boy would flip backward.
"Stop acting like a child!" the latter hisses.
"I AM a child!"
"You are a teen!"
Slamming his fist on the table, Dazai points again at the newcomer, then also pointing at Odasaku. "If I don't leave here knowing what the hell you do for work, I'll let out a frustrated scream!"
Shaking his head, both the bespectacled boy and Chuuya seem to have had enough of Dazai's behavior. "What's your name?" Chuuya asks instead, leaning in to observe the boy as well, in a more civil and calm manner than the brown-haired man behind him, at least.
He also receives a grateful smile. "I'm Ango."
Nodding, the boy proceeds to introduce himself and then sits back composedly, watching the bartender hand Ango the drink he ordered. "Odasaku, what do you talk about when you're here? Must be a real drag to just stare at each other, have a drink, and then say goodbye and go home!"
Odasaku clears his throat. "We find topics, usually."
"It's hard to tell if you get bored occasionally, or if you're constantly bored," this remark earns a glance from the man. "..I'm not bored right now."
Ango lets out a light, embarrassed laugh. "You wouldn't think so, even though I've gotten used to it." the topic is quickly discarded.
When they left the venue, not too late because Odasaku obviously had Chuuya's well-being in mind (since Dazai goes to bed even at 5 and he can't monitor his sleep), Dazai let out a frustrated scream to the stars.
➳༻❀ ☕ ❀༺➳
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝚆𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚒𝚝, 𝚍𝚊𝚖𝚗 𝚒𝚝? 𝙸 𝚝𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚘.
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
...
𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽, 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽, 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽, 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽, 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽, 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝙳𝙰𝚉𝙰𝙸, 𝙸 𝚃𝙾𝙻𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙽𝙾.
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝙸 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞?
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎.
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 :((
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝙳𝚊𝚣𝚊𝚒 𝙾𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚞, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞.
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝙽𝙾 𝙽𝙾 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙾𝙽, 𝙲𝙷𝙸𝙱𝙸, 𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙷𝙴𝚁𝙴!
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
𝚆𝚑𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢?
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝙰𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝.
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
...𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝. 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚗𝚘.
ᵈᵃᶻᵃⁱ:
𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚘 𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚎𝚕, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚗, 𝚠𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚘 𝚜𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎!
ᶜʰᵘᵘʸᵃ:
...
𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎?
Dazai and Chuuya are currently in the same bed, with Dazai's fingers running along Chuuya's head, simulating a kind of hair caress.
"Are you moving?! I don't think hair stroking is part of the process!"
"Shut up, you like it too!"
"NOT FROM YOU. NOW MOVE OR I WON'T LET YOU DO IT." With a melodramatic sigh, the boy slightly pulls his head back, receiving a dirty look, before dividing his hair into three sections. He picks up the comb and starts combing through the strands, then sets it back and runs his fingers through again to clean them from any hair that might mess up the work, before starting to braid them together.
Chuuya, with his eyes on the floor, is slowly swayed by the movement produced by the taller man, and he puts all his effort into not letting his head fall forward or to the side, given his state of semi-drowsiness.
The way he feels the gentle touch of the brown-haired man relaxes him in an unbearably soothing way, his usually tense muscles now completely relaxed, his face serene as his mind thinks of nothing but that, what is being produced in his head.
As soon as Dazai's annoying voice is heard, a grumpy sigh escapes Chuuya's mouth; "Hey Chibi, are you falling asleep?"
"Shut up."
"Are you really like a dog then, do caresses make you sleepy?"
"I said shut up."
A clean laugh escapes his lips, so genuine that for the moment, Chuuya seems to have all his focus on that sound. He lowers his head back to the floor, before pulling himself up from the bed to look at him.
"Are you done?"
"Oh? Ah, yes. I was just about to tell you!" he smiles slightly, but Chuuya just exits the bedroom to look at himself in the mirror.
When the boy returns he seems satisfied with the work, as he just sits on his side of the bed (now it's his, he sleeps there, always just him). Dazai hurries to get to the other side, following Chuuya and then getting comfortable.
"If you rolled over a few more times, you would have been perfect!" he then bursts out, dodging the punch that nearly hit his shoulder. "You piece of shit never know when to shut up," he rolls his eyes, the blindfolded boy lies back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
"Skincare?"
"....right. Skincare." this time it's Chuuya's turn to put on a wicked smile. "Come on, come on. I'll do it on you first and then I'll do it on myself, I brought all the stuff!"
"Save me, please." is the last prayer Dazai's room hears before being left at the mercy of the particles floating in the air.
There is an immensely strange and unsettling sensation in Dazai's stomach, something that is trying to warn him something is amiss, but every time Chuuya's hands trace his face in this way, spreading the cream so delicately and attentively, the boy's breath hitting his face, a scent that he knows he can't smell from anyone else, but so strangely pleasant that sensation dissipates.
"Relaxed, huh? And it's you who initially says you don't want to. And then look at yourself, as relaxed as a child during one of the first cuddles!" the boy chuckles; in this laughter, Dazai notices, there is no hint of resentment, there is only a amused and almost serene laughter, while Chuuya's slight smile expands quietly, shamelessly showing itself.
"You're good with your hands." he comments, in a whisper that he's not even sure Chuuya heard.
Chuuya heard it, but doesn't comment.
He simply continues to work on him. "Done, perfect, smooth and clean as you should always be." proud of his work, Chuuya kicks him out of the bathroom as it is his turn to take care of himself, and therefore it would take him a bit, just as it took for Dazai.
When he exits the bathroom, he finds the brunette under the covers, a frighteningly calm face, giving off an aura of a Dazai Osamu who doesn't even want to open his mouth to make an inappropriate joke.
Simply put, Dazai is lying there, and as soon as he sees Chuuya, he almost seems to light up, even more so when he gets under the covers like him, maintaining the respectful distance that is then violently ignored by the other, who almost doesn't hesitate to throw himself onto the other; Chuuya wants to push him away, scold him to let go, but Dazai has a face so genuinely calm and serene that he almost can't find the strength to do it, simply wanting the boy to relax.
What's wrong with hugging him every now and then, right? The boy ends up being embraced by a side hug from the brunette, who buries his head in his neck, holding onto his soft and fluffy hips, so soft that they are almost compress. The scent of cleanliness fills the brunette's nostrils with closed eyes, a tremor runs through his body and spine, the warmth coming from the figure next to him cannot beat the cold he feels, despite the blankets covering his figure.
"Osamu"
The boy ignores it.
"Osamu"
It's too comfortable.
"Osamu..."
It's unfair to be woken up this way.
"Osamu Dazai, wake up, now. It's broken, again. You'll end up eating the contents like last time."
"Just five more minutes..."
"Come on, I know you're awake."
And then a loud sigh escapes the lips of the brown-haired boy, who knows it, unfortunately he knows it, eyes stinging, the cold permeating his veins, the pillow being clutched between his arms.
Osamu flops onto his back, and doesn't open his eyes.
He takes deep breaths, one might dare to say irregular (they become so as the seconds pass), his fingers tremble, tears that he hadn't even realized he was holding back trickle down from his eyes, reaching his ears.
It's annoying, but Osamu is intent on focusing on something other than where his tears end up. "Osamu, come on, open your eyes and sit up. You can't drink this in this state. It's a luck you finally woke up, this time it lasted a bit less."
Osamu opens his eyes.
A white ceiling, white walls, white bed, sheets too thin to provide the necessary warmth for him to sleep, the pillow he continued to clutch as if his life depended on it.
When the brunette turns, he sees her; a doctor. He knows that doctor, but he can't really remember who she is. In her hands, a glass; light and almost imperceptible particles fly around inside the liquid.
"D-doctor.." his voice comes out hoarse, as if he hasn't used it for days. That's the case, actually. Days, week, months. He doesn't remember anything about how he has interacted for this week, this month.. it always works like this.
Starting over, after the incident.
Dazai Osamu once again imagines a different ending to the events, and creates a whole different story from this one, where everything goes well, where no one dies.
Where Chuuya is alive.
<<𝘊𝘏𝘜𝘜𝘠𝘈! 𝘞𝘈𝘛𝘊𝘏 𝘞𝘏𝘌𝘙𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘍𝘜𝘊𝘒 𝘠𝘖𝘜'𝘙𝘌 𝘎𝘖𝘐𝘕𝘎!>>
𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥.
𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘣 𝘩𝘪𝘮.
𝘛𝘰 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘣 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘢𝘷𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦, 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘊𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬, 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬, 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘵𝘺.
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺.
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵, 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘺𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘮, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.
𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦; 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 "𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯." 𝘏𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘪𝘵, 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺.
𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘮.
𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.
𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦.
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥. 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘥, 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬. 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦.
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴?
𝘛𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘻𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦.
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘖𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘳.
𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳, 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺.
𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘤, 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥.
𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦.
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦, 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦, 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘥𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘯.
𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵.
𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦.
𝘊𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘖𝘥𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘬𝘶 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘮 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.
𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴?
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘮?
𝘋𝘢𝘻𝘢𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭.
"Drink"
Obedience, respect, patience.
The things he remembers from this place, the only things he remembers. That's the behavior he must give and receive.
Always has been so, always has been respected without ulterior motives, but now Dazai is tired.
Tremendously tired.
After ensuring that the patient has drunk everything without leaving any residue, she nods and gives a warm smile. "Would you like me to bring you something to pass the time?"
"A rope, thank you."
The woman lets the smile die into a worried look, then sighs and nods, sensing that's the only answer he would provide, before her heels repeatedly hit the floor, signaling her exit from the room.
"Hey." a familiar voice resonates in the room, and Dazai turns only to see his roommate, who has pretended to be asleep all that time, perfectly awake, magnetic eyes staring almost insistently at the brown ones.
"Do you want to talk about it this time, too?" his roommate genuinely finds interesting the extended imagination of his "friend", so every time Dazai comes back to himself from those days, weeks, months spent in his mind, he always asks if he can hear the tale.
And Dazai needs to talk, not necessarily about this, to talk in general; he knows he is not obligated to tell the story, but he does anyway. Always. It's perhaps the only moment when for a few seconds he feels... normal.
The comments from the black-haired boy distract him, maybe for those two seconds when he stops thinking about what he's talking about and focuses on how genuinely funny his jokes are.
And even though they are really rare and last the minimum, Dazai can perhaps say that he is grateful to have someone to talk to.
"Okay."
As much as telling what he imagines hurts, as it reminds him of how it simply will never happen, it will never be possible, talking about it with someone or thinking about it alone doesn't make much difference to Dazai; he knows that, like every imagination he had before this, he will obsess over it until the next episode, because now his life rewinds in this way.
A loop.
It's torture.
A real torture from which no one can pull him out, from which the only salvation is to eliminate oneself, because even if Dazai were to permanently stop having these visions, the boy would still be so unwell that he couldn't take care of himself alone.
He would let himself die of hunger, or thirst. Probably both.
But for now the boy lets go of every thought outside of Chuuya, Odasaku. Outside of yet another fantasy too beautiful and happy to exist for real.
Everyone knows, Dazai Osamu is not a subject born to be happy.
In the midst of his tale, the door opens again; Fyodor's open and almost carefree expression collapses into a stressed and nervous one as two doctors enter, and he already knows that it will take hours, if not days, to see his "friend" again.
Dazai is used to being alone in this room, anyway.
And even tonight, Dazai falls asleep holding onto the cold, white pillow, praying and praying and praying that this night will be the last, that his despair will be silenced, that his eyes are no longer going to open.