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Trina folded into herself, still clutching the envelope Spencer said wasn’t for her even though he had written her name on the outside and the letter held within. Words of apology, he said, for basically upending her life. She wasn’t sure if there was more to the story. Suspected that there was. Was afraid of it, actually.
She felt the pull between them. Surely he did, too. Surely he had tried his best–like she had–to ignore it. To push on, on their own paths in their parallel lives and hope
“I don’t know what to say,” she said.
Spencer took a step closer to her. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry.”
Trina shook her head, the anguish of this conversation and the entirety of their relationship splayed on her face. “I just wish things were different.”
Spencer nodded, speaking barely above a whisper. “Yeah, me too.”
Footsteps approached, the metal stairs on the other side of where they were standing began to rattle.
Trina acted quickly, grabbing Spencer by the wrist and pulling him out the door.
It was a bit chilly outside. She had left without her jacket. Without a thought, really, as to where she was going. Or why?
Spencer had to run to keep pace with her. “Why did we leave your party? Where are we going?”
Trina shrugged, but did not stop walking. She began shivering in the cooling night air.
“Trina!” Spencer called. “Trina, stop. Wait!”
Trina stopped in her tracks and turned around to face him. He had doffed his suit jacket and was holding it out for her to don. She went back to retrieve it, slipping her arms through the sleeves.
“Thank you,” Trina said.
“You’re welcome. Now…where are we going?”
“Let’s just…walk?”
“Okay, but won’t you get cold?”
Trina shrugged, pulling his suit jacket tighter around herself. “Maybe.”
When they had walked a little ways in silence, Spencer peeking at Trina every few yards trying to read her, he finally spoke up.
“Are you going to tell me what that was about?”
Trina stopped walking and turned to Spencer, avoiding eye contact.
“I don’t know… I feel like we have so much to hash out and we’re just…always being interrupted…”
Spencer nodded, treading lightly.
“Yeah, it seemed like you wanted to say something…before—“
Trina dropped her head. In truth, she was grateful for the minutes that passed. Spencer’s apology to her was earnest and something she had wanted to hear for months. And standing there, under those lights, with that bass pumping, in such proximity to him while he laid bare all that he had done and should have done differently…in that voice, him coming more and more undone…she had envisioned herself clawing at the collar of his shirt and climbing up his legs, but what bravado she had worked up to even think that was waning.
“It was nothing…I know that after tonight we won’t see each other for a while and I’m just really glad we had this time…to clear the air.”
Spencer smirked. “Have we?” He took a step towards Trina, who took her own step back and landed against the concrete wall of a building. He leaned in so close his breath moved strands of her hair. “Have we cleared the air?”
“Spencer, what are you doing?”
“I’m asking a question…”
Trina stared at him, stunned silent. She didn’t try and move him or pry herself away. Her heart beat in her throat. Other parts of her throbbed as well.
“Spencer…” she said breathlessly. Barely audibly.
“Trina…”
She exhaled sharply. Her will worn. Her entire young life she had always deferred to her brain and it had never led her astray. But since meeting Spencer, reason was less and less a ruling force. Something more primal increasingly opposed it. Made it impossible, now, to stand in his presence without…
Trina lifted her chin slightly, but with Spencer leaning over her, it was enough for their lips to meet. Tentatively, at first, as if the gentle skirting of their lips against each other’s could be passed off as incidental. Accidental.
But the warmth that shot through her body, the tingle made her linger there, pulling him, by the nape of his neck, deeper into the kiss. Their tongues touched. Fought. They swallowed each other’s breath, his hands finding their way beneath the suit jacket in which she was still draped, outlining her silhouette.
Spencer lost himself in the moment, having dreamed of it for so long, resigning himself to the fact that, maybe, it would never come. Her lips were so soft. So sweet. Everything he imagined they would be. And in that moment, he was free to imagine. What life would be like with her in his corner. At his side. In his bed. That he was reporting to Pentonville in mere hours wasn’t even a consideration. That she was in a committed relationship wasn’t either.
Spencer’s loud moaning into her mouth is what snapped Trina back to reality. She pulled away and raised her hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Trina, what? Why?” He said with a chuckle. “I’d be lying if I said anything other than I’ve wanted to do that for the longest time. And I think you would be, too.”
“You’re right. I would be..and now we have. But, I’m with Rory—“
“He’s not some great love of yours Trina—“
“—and he deserves a girlfriend who doesn’t kiss another guy behind his back—“
“he’s a placeholder—“
“for you? ”
Spencer was stunned by the sudden elevation in volume and contempt in her voice. He stood a step back.
“What do you think can happen, Spencer? You’re leaving for prison ! You’ll be gone for months! And what? Am I supposed to wait for you?
“No, that’s not…I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to ask you to do that but I don’t want to give up on us!”
“What ‘us’, Spencer? There is no ‘us’. This…was a mistake…” Trina slipped off his jacket and held it out for him to take.
Spencer looked at it, then at her before retrieving it from her hand. Tears had already begun to well in his eyes. He hadn’t thought it through. He hadn’t thought any of it through. She was right. He’d be going to Pentonville for the next three months and what? Did he expect her to wait for him? To end a relationship with a decent guy who hadn’t brought her life any turmoil for a months-off chance at a relationship with him, who had only brought her turmoil. And only would, as was the Cassadine way. She deserved so much better than that.
“Okay.” Spencer said softly. “Okay. I’m sorry. Trina, I want you to be happy. I want to be the one who makes you happy…but I know I can’t make that happen…right now. And, you’re right. I’ll be gone for the next three months and the last thing I want you to do is put your life on hold…for me. Rory—“ Spencer forced the names out of his mouth, “ he seems to genuinely care for you. And he doesn’t come with a lot of baggage…and, he’s probably waiting for you, so you should get back.”
Trina nodded, choking back tears of her own. They were only a short distance from The Savoy, but as she turned towards it, she felt miles removed and as if her legs didn’t have the power she needed them to to move forward. She willed them to, looking back only once to see Spencer following several paces behind. She smiled inside, feeling secure with the knowledge that he cared enough about her safety to not let her walk back alone, yet respectful enough of her wishes not to impose himself further.
As she reached the exterior door, she paused, looking back at Spencer. Part of her felt like she would regret opening that door and walking through it without him. The other part of her knew that she had to. Rory was on the other side. Her family and friends. Her future.