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It starts with a smile.
On Guinaifen’s lips as she remembers.
On Sushang’s lips as she saw Lil Gui for the first time.
Memory is sweet and soon takes over, provides a background to the otherwise strange, unexplainable blankness. Guinaifen feels that she should question it—wonder why there is something heavy, almost lethargic about the whole thing.
Instead she gives in to the happy recollections, and smiles, and lets them show themselves to her in a beautiful display.
It’s easy to forget the gossamery quality to that entire experience when she focuses on their first meeting. There were indeed smiles then: when the newbie Cloud Knight was brave enough to help a rising streamer with some content. It was something or the other about keeping the city safe, ending with Sushang giving a few tips to travelers and locals alike.
That little, impromptu interview was the first time they met and also the first one that the Knight appeared on Lil Gui’s channel.
Luckily enough, it wasn’t the last for either activity.
To say that Guinaifen was attracted to her back then would be a bit too much. Sure, Sushang has always been beautiful beyond words, very skilled with a sword and impressive in combat—all good qualities in a woman, in the streamer’s opinion. But before everything else there was friendship, pure and simple.
There were all the occasions when Sushang walked Guinaifen home.
The many others when Guinaifen gave Sushang something to eat in the middle of the day, as the knight was (is) prone to forgetting her lunch.
Walks around the commissions, hiding from bosses and other colleagues in the middle of a tough week… The two did it all, laughing about it and becoming closer and closer as the days went by.
None could say when things transformed, as they were prone to do when two people nourished so many beautiful feelings about the other. Long, raucous laughter turned into awkward silences. Stares of camaraderie changed into long looks, blushing cheeks once they realized what they were doing.
Meandering side by side became almost a daily thing, part of their routine, both women talking about their days and their fears, their deepest wishes and closest dreams.
Their hands drifted closer to each other as well, fingers intertwining while their hearts beat almost to the same rhythm too. As their lives mingled, and their paths started running side by side.
What is next… ah, of course…
Their first kiss wasn’t the magical moment that many people dream about. It wasn’t all fairy lights and a moment alone with her beloved in the middle of the best night of her life. No, quite the contrary, really, if one considered that they were both busy being Knight and streamer while it happened.
And yes, their kiss was almost caught on camera by complete mistake, though that would have probably made Lil Gui’s viewers happy—they talked a lot about her and Sushang, so yes.
It was the middle of the night, in what one could call a haunted ground. Fyxestroll Garden wasn’t the nicest place for one to be at any time of the day really, but nights were worse. And worse usually meant more haunted, which was exactly what Guiniafen was trying to film. The heliobi that were running rampart or so it seemed, and that she had been called to investigate.
But no, she would not set foot in that place alone. Who would be better for her to take than Sushang, the best warrior that she knew?
Even if said warrior was afraid of ghosts, and didn’t care for the explanation that heliobi weren’t the same as ghosts?
In they went anyway. Sauntering side by side, alert to any sign of a heliobus, a ghost, anything that would be worth filming. Guinaifen was live from the start, recording it all—including Sushang’s little screams of terror whenever a leaf moved in the wind—and remained so even after a very long time passed with nothing important happening.
What did happen and was important, however, were Sushang’s words, which came when they reached an opening in the road and the possibility that they might take the most haunted path.
“Lil Gui, I… we might not… come back alive from this. We might have our soul s-sucked out of our bodies and… waaah I don’t even wanna think about it!”
“Nothing like that’ll happen, Sushang. What are you going on about?” She tried to calm the other woman, putting a hand on her arm and caressing it. The other hand held the camera, but for the sake of privacy she angled it away from the knight’s face.
Which was a good thing she did, for what came next.
“All… All I’m saying is that I’m tired of hiding m-my uh, my… this… from you.”
Then Sushang turned towards Guinaifen, moved her head a bit too fast and placed a kiss on her cheek instead of on her lips. Realizing her mistake she squeaked and pulled away, trembling, blushing, covering her face with both hands.
It was up to the streamer to stop the recording and with sweet words, coax the other woman out of her shell again.
Only so she could smile, and acknowledge her own feelings, and kiss her back on the lips that time.
The memory is golden, beautiful in its own way. It envelops Guinaifen in its light and warmth, chasing away the cold that presses against her. It’s weird, that somehow she is remembering everything. That the disconnection to the rest of the world…
No, she doesn’t want to think about it. For some reason she shies away from that line of thought, eager to return to the sanctuary of memory.
To the safety of what’s known, what has already happened and ended well.
Ah, there were their dates. Tentative and unsure at first, as they tried to understand what their romantic tastes were like. Their love language, as others said it, too. It turned out that Sushang was terrible at both giving and receiving gifts, which was amazing for someone who loved giving them like Lil Gui.
She would blush, and thank the other woman a thousand times even before opening the present and seeing what it was. Then she would jump up and down, kiss Lil Gui and thank her over and over again, trying to find ways big and small to show how grateful she was.
Nothing would make Lil Gui feel more loved than being taken care of, something that Sushang figured out soon. The Knight didn’t have a lot of time outside of work, but that didn’t stop her from helping Guinaifen with whatever was needed: carrying equipment for a stream, getting new things when the old ones broke down. Finding scoops around the city, since Sushang walked around for a very long time each and every day.
Carrying Guinaifen to bed after a very long day of work…
The list is endless, and maybe will continue to grow as the two of them spend more time together. Their dates will get more creative too, as they have already tried all the best and most romantic restaurants around Luofu—only to find out they would rather have a picnic in an unusual place.
Or a walk around the city at night, when the New Year is close and decorations are up.
Or some good tea around the Artisanship Commission while the sun goes down.
Or just… being in each other’s presence, something that already brings them joy after long days spent apart.
Ah, to be with her… Guinaifen finds herself longing for it, though recent memory tells her it shouldn’t be so. That they are supposed to be together right then and there, not in her thoughts but in reality—
Reality. The word, a concept that has no materiality, nothing to hold on. Not when Lil Gui thinks she is floating in aether, in the nothingness of her recollections. Although she can’t say why that is so, what is stopping her from moving around in something more real, more palpable, she somehow understands that there is no alternative to that. Not then.
Not for a while.
Not until she figures out what has happened, what was happening, and why there is immense sadness connected to that thought, too.
It’s easier to shy from the pain that cannot be explained. To hide in the sweetness of memory, in the nice days spent beside Sushang. The strolls they took around the Artisanship Commission, the Divination Commission… even Fyxestroll Garden. How it was only recently that they started holding each other’s hand, a testament to their relationship and to the feelings which already binded them together. How people would stare… especially Lil Gui’s followers, most of them sending her nice messages of congratulations later on.
Fantasy can become the fabric of her reality right there, Guinaifen thought, and she lets it do just so, smiling to herself in a moment of peace while allowing memories to fully unfold.
They envelop her, a very gentle, warm blanket. Days spent in the sun and others walking through the snow that falls around the Alliance every single year. It is nice to have company that time, to have someone to kick the snow with her. Or to throw a snowball at her when she’s not paying attention, a silent invitation to a game that they can spend hours and hours playing by themselves.
Or the times they secretly swam in public fountains, the small rivers that run around the city too. It usually took place late at night, when summer was upon them and making sleep a very distant thought. They almost got caught more than once, but something about Sushang’s instincts and Guinaifen’s ability to talk her way out of everything played a very important part in all of it.
Oh, and even the battles they faced side by side were interesting memories to explore… the impossible way they dance together, landing moves and helping each other remain safe against whatever enemy they might be up against. Everything is done in incredible synchrony, to the point that even Stelle remarked on it the last time they were all together in a big battle.
Which wasn’t that long ago, was it? Maybe a few days, one or two at the most when new beasts were seen around Luofu…
Or perhaps that was a few hours—
Minutes .
Reality crashes against Guinaifen’s mind, the shield of memories that she has tried to hold around herself. Images from the not-so-distant past come through, of a battle that was—is—perhaps a bit too much more than what she, Sushang, Stelle and March thought it would be.
The enemies are fiercer, stronger, than what they faced before. To the point that they are overpowered after futilely attempting to ward off moves, to dance away from bites and scratched which are, she realizes after a few seconds, laced with poison.
Poison… that might have gotten to Lil Gui when she saw one of those terrible beasts launch itself in a tired Sushang’s direction.
That wasn’t something she would ever allow. To see her partner fatigued, in the way of an attack, and do nothing about it.
Thus, and the memory is vague, Lil Gui watches as she flung herself in front of the other woman—her love, her girlfriend, the one she has loved for months and even years.
The one she would protect no matter what.
A dull sensation of claws searing her body takes her over… until darkness, and memories, and the sweet song of her good days with Sushang, envelop her after all.
Did I do it? She asks herself, the words echoing through her mind. Did I at least protect her?
Sushang has saved Lil Gui countless times in the past. There is nothing she would love more than to be able to do the same to her, at least once. To know that she remained safe, and that whatever happened to Lil Gui, whatever that state is, is actually the result of her protecting the other would ease her mind even if just a little.
She will deal with the wound, the poison. Whatever consequence of her actions, she will face them heads on. If only Sushang is safe.
If only she could listen to her voice. Have proof, any proof, that she is fine and things would be solved. There isn’t much more that she can ask, enveloped as she is in that world of memory and mind. Away from reality, but wishing for a figment of it.
“Lil Gui?”
The sound echoes, crystalline. It makes her smile, familiar as the voice is to her. She will always recognize it and she knows, unable to stop the urge of glee that takes her over at the mere call.
“Guinaifen! Are you… are you okay?”
The voice is a path that she can follow, she knows. It’s a way out of her mind, perfect, pristine, unbothered, into a world where there may be pain, and injuries, and a lot to deal with. It’s a tough decision to make, or perhaps it would be if the one speaking to her weren’t Sushang herself.
Sushang. The real Sushang. Yes, she can go back to that, can’t she?
What is more, her mind is losing its grip on her, little by little. The sensation of weight comes first, gravity acting on her body. Then movement, as her fingers fight that exact force and flex, eyelids fluttering softly against the light that wasn’t there before.
“Lil Gui… are you…?”
Then pain, twisting her features as it claws into her once again, burying its terrible fangs in her torso.
It hurts. All of it hurts, pain and other sensations coming back to her at once. Sunlight shines behind her closed lids, the day warm against her skin. Her back rests on cold, hard soil that presses itself into her.
Shadows dance above her eyes, a respite from the heat of the day… and voices, a voice , floats around her, pulling her back.
“Guinaifen?”
The name is said slowly, a bit sadly too. Concern drips from each sound, something that makes Lil Gui want to move, to wake up at last. To assuage her love that she is fine and there is no need for her to worry.
Yet for a few moments more everything is too heavy, too much, and she is too little, too weak to push through. Hence she remains in the same position, trying to get her bearings until her body answers a tiny bit more.
Until her eyes open when commanded, and the soothing darkness of memory is transformed into the stark brightness of reality.
The first thing she sees is Sushang, kneeling on the ground next to her. Her eyes are darkened by concern and something ominous that Guinaifen would rather not name. Her shoulders are tense, entire body locked tight while waiting for a sign that Lil Gui is okay—relaxing the tiniest bit when it actually happens, when she opens her eyes.
Stelle and March are also around, lingering, giving some distance to the couple. March is trying her hardest to tend to some minor wound on the other Nameless’s face, whereas she dodges and shakes her head, saying that she is fine.
Wound… ah, yes, they were in a fight and there ought to be some of those given how fierce their enemies were. Provided her memories can be trusted about it, that it wasn’t a figment of her imagination playing terrible tricks.
Provided that it was all real, and that Sushang—
Lil Gui’s eyes widen, her gaze wavering yet finally focusing on her beloved’s face. She scans it, scans what she can see of her body as a whole in order to seek for gashes and wounds, any indication that Sushang got hurt. Finding nothing at first, she relaxes, smiles even, something that is received with a sigh from the other woman, too.
“You… are you okay…?” Sushang asks and her voice is forlorn, her eyes downcast even. A silent apology dances in her features, though for what Lil Gui cannot say.
“I’m fine.” Her voice rasps. She sounds the opposite of it and she knows; feeling her body a bit better, she can pinpoint at least three or four points in which there might be some bleeding, a gash or two. But first thing first. “Were you… harmed?
Sushang’s small smile is a surprise, but not a pleasant one. Not when sadness lingers in her eyes, albeit she shakes her head and says in a small voice, “no, I’m fine.”
The reason finally becomes clear a second later, as she adds, “how could I be hurt, when you protected me?”
Anguish coats her words. Ah. So that wasn’t Guinaifen imagining things while being too bored with her own memories. It occurred, all of it, and she did indeed jump in front of Sushang in order to take a blow. That probably explains why the other woman looks so sad, desolate even, and what must be going through her mind right then.
“You were… gonna be hit really bad.” Lil Gui explains herself. Her hand rises from the floor, unsteady, seeking the familiar warmth of Sushang’s cheek.
The warrior leans into the touch, holding it there with her own hand.
“But that doesn’t mean you should put yourself in danger like that!” Sushang argues, frowning. “I was so scared, Lil Gui… so scared…”
Tears gather in her eyes. In Guinaifen’s too as she remembers the attack, what could have hit Sushang and got to her instead. For a few heartbeats they stay like that, still, reveling in the contact and the fact that they are okay.
That the fight didn’t take a turn for the worse in some way or the other, too.
“I’ll heal, it’ll be okay. I’m just glad that you’re safe.”
Sushang turns to look at Lil Gui, then kisses the back of her hand. Any shadows that were previously dancing in her irises are long gone now—not because things are completely fine, but since she is suddenly tired. It’s easier to count one’s blessings at that point in time, than to keep fighting about what didn’t and couldn’t happen. That is a discussion for another day, another moment.
A moment when one of them isn’t hurt and bleeding, the other assailed by the guilt of not being able to protect herself and her love for once.
“I’m glad that you’re with us.” Sushang admits, giving in to her own grief. To the fear of almost losing someone so precious to her, too. “I love you, Lil Gui. Please don’t do that… I mean, thanks for keeping me safe.”
Guinaifen smiles, holds her arms so Sushang can help her sit. Embraces her girlfriend after that, holding her as close as possible no matter how much her body aches. “I love you, too. Thank you for all the times when you’ve kept me safe in so many ways.”
They swallow back tears. The taste of concern, of the fear they lost that particular battle. Light surrounds them and will continue to do so, hope for a better future allowing them to continue all the dreams and memories that Guinaifen saw in her own mind.
Those seeds would blossom into bigger, beautiful flowers, she knows. She will do her best to make sure it is so.