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Satoru hates to admit it but he’s nervous. He’s not sure if he ever felt like that before, and he hates that he’s starting now, but this matters.
This matters in a way that Satoru can’t even put into words and he’s scared that it’s all going to blow up in his face again, like it did two years ago.
He couldn’t take it, if Suguru walks away from him again.
Satoru is pacing outside of Suguru’s apartment, the one he stays in when he has things to do in the city that are going to take him longer, and according to the intel Yaga presented him with, Suguru should be home any second now.
And true to the schedule, Satoru hears soft footsteps come up the stairs.
His breath catches in his throat when Suguru comes into view and it’s not only because there are two small girls following him. This is the first time in two years that Satoru has seen Suguru—him, and not a picture or video—and he didn’t anticipate how much of an impact that would have on him.
“Suguru,” Satoru greets him and decides to not be hurt by the way Suguru pushes the girls behind him.
“Here, Satoru, really?” Suguru asks, trying for a teasing tone, but it comes out wrong and warped, baring his worry to the world.
“I’m not here to—I just want to talk,” Satoru immediately says, raising his hands to show that he means no harm, which is of course stupid. He doesn’t need a weapon and barely more than a second to destroy this entire building and Suguru damn well knows it. “I promise. Just to talk, Suguru.”
Suguru regards him for a moment longer and Satoru takes that time to look at the girls. They can’t be older than five or six, but clearly they know when to keep quiet. They are pressed to Suguru’s legs, curiosity shining in their eyes, but Suguru must have instructed them well, because they don’t make a single sound.
“Fine,” Suguru eventually decides, bending down to pick the girls up, whispering quietly to them.
Satoru sees how the light-haired one wants to complain but her sister nods solemnly and so she does, too. Suguru smiles slightly at them, as he walks past Satoru to open the door to their apartment and when he vanishes inside, Satoru hovers at the door, deciding to give them some privacy, in case Suguru has something to say to them Satoru isn’t supposed to hear.
Satoru is under no illusion that Suguru has a contingency plan in place, should anything happen to him, and Satoru doubts he would let any harm come to the girls.
“Come in,” Suguru says when he comes back from wherever he stashed the girls and Satoru steps inside the apartment.
Suguru wordlessly leads him into his own bedroom it seems and at Satoru’s curious look Suguru shrugs.
“The living-room connects to Mimiko and Nanako’s room. The chance that they are listening in here is much smaller.”
Satoru huffs at that, amused at how much of a dad Suguru apparently has become before he remembers that it all happened without him there.
But today he’s here to make that right. If Suguru will let him.
“What do you want, Satoru?” Suguru asks, and Satoru does not shudder when he hears his name from his lips again, because that would just be pathetic, thank you very much.
“I’m tired of being alone, Suguru,” Satoru starts with, sitting down on Suguru’s bed without waiting for an invitation to do so.
His words make Suguru laugh, and Satoru knows him well enough to know that it’s not the kind laugh he’s used to from him.
“What a selfish thing to say, Satoru,” Suguru says, not sitting down on the bed as well, but staying as far away from Satoru as he possibly can. “Are you here to kill me?”
“No, of course not,” Satoru says with a frown because killing Suguru is the furthest thing from his mind.
“Then what do you want? How did you find me?”
Ah. So Suguru doesn’t know.
“The school knows where you are,” Satoru explains to him and watches how Suguru tenses up. “They have always known.”
“Then why hasn’t anyone come to take me out? The kill on sight order is still in effect, right?”
“Of course it is,” Satoru says with a shrug. “But who is going to do it? Me? Yeah, right,” he scoffs out. “I get a new picture of you with a location every week. I have quite the album by now, you know,” Satoru conversationally tells him. “But the higher ups know I won’t do it. And who else is there, really? Yuki? She keeps out of stuff like this. And the school knows better than to send anyone below a Grade S after you. But that leaves them with no options. Not that I would let anyone touch you, anyway.”
Suguru mulls that over for a few moments and Satoru is content to wait him out. He’s not going to upset Suguru by annoying him five minutes into this talk, because he wants to stay, right here, with Suguru and he’s not going to jeopardize this.
“What do you want, then?” Suguru finally asks, meeting Satoru’s gaze head on and Satoru has missed those eyes.
Has missed Suguru, really, more than he sometimes can put into words, but he knows that he has to, today.
“It hurts when you’re not around,” Satoru confesses. “It feels as if something is missing, as if I’m not whole without you there. I am tired of that. I want to make it stop. I want to be by your side again, no matter where or how.”
Suguru blinks at him.
“You—remember why the kill order is out for me, right?” he carefully asks, as if Satoru could ever forget that.
“I do.”
“If the school has been keeping an eye on me all this time, then you know that I killed again, after the village, after my parents. And I won’t stop, Satoru. My goal hasn’t changed.”
“I know that,” Satoru sighs out, because once Suguru finds his convictions, he’ll stick to them. And Satoru is not here to change his mind.
“I’m not saying I’m going to help you; I’m not even claiming to truly understand what you’re doing and why, though I am willing to listen. It’s just—I’m basically aiding you anyway,” Satoru sighs out.
“What do you mean?”
“Every time you kill it’s on my hands, because I didn’t stop you. The school won’t ever let me forget about it; the only reason I’m not being named an accomplice with my own kill order on my head is the fact that they need me and that no one can touch me anyway. They know better than to try, but they never let me forget about it. And they are right, in a way.” Satoru takes a breath, fiddling with his hands in his lap. “Every day I don’t kill you I basically help you with your cause. And I am alright with that. Except that I don’t want to do it that far away from you anymore.”
“Satoru,” Suguru starts, but Satoru cuts him off, his gaze and mind far away.
“Remember that time we retrieved Riko’s body?” he asks, and it’s almost as if he can feel the weight of her limp body in his arms again.
Suguru only hums in answer.
“That day you told me not to kill those people when I asked you what we should do. And I listened to you. What if—who is to say I’m not going to listen to you again. No matter what you tell me.”
It’s an admission Satoru is not proud of, because it’s truer than he’d like. That day he only hadn’t killed any of those humans there because Suguru had told him not to do it. If Suguru hadn’t been there, Satoru would most have most likely killed everyone present. And if Suguru had told him to do it, if he had helped him—Satoru is under no illusion that they would have been the only two who stepped out of that room again.
“You’re not a weapon, Satoru,” Suguru hisses and Satoru is surprised how angry he sounds. “No one should be able to tell you what to do!”
It’s almost funny, how Suguru still seems to worry about that, but it’s not as if Satoru cares, not when it comes to Suguru.
“Maybe,” he gives back. “But maybe I wouldn’t care if I’m your weapon.”
It leaves Suguru speechless, his mouth almost dropping open and Satoru smothers the urge to laugh. That would only make Suguru angry at him, and Satoru can’t have that.
“I would care,” Suguru finally mutters, but he comes over to the bed and sits down next to Satoru.
It’s progress and it makes Satoru so happy, he could cry. He hasn’t been this close to Suguru in two years and he can’t help but to lean slightly to the side, just until their shoulders brush. It’s Suguru who leans more firmly against him and Satoru can’t help the small, hopeful smile.
“You want to—what? Help me? Stay with me?” Suguru asks after a moment of silence and Satoru nods.
“Whatever you want. I just—I don’t want to be alone anymore and I’m tired of missing you. Because I have, Suguru. So much. But I know you’re not going to come back to me, so maybe it’s time I come to you. And yes, before you remind me again, I know what you did and I just—I had two years to realise that I don’t care.”
“I have missed you, too,” Suguru admits and Satoru dares to reach out for Suguru’s hand.
Suguru threads their fingers together almost immediately but he also frowns.
“You don’t have infinity up,” he chides him and Satoru laughs.
“What would I need that for?” he wants to know and Suguru clicks his tongue at him.
“What if I tried to kill you?” he asks and Satoru smiles.
“I would let you. If you want to kill me—why would I want to stay alive?”
It’s—a lot, Satoru knows that. He’s basically bearing his heart to Suguru here, placing it in his hands and trusting him not to crush it, but what else is he going to do? Hide it away and pretend that this doesn’t matter to him? He already proved that he couldn’t do that, so what’s one confession more.
“You’re such an idiot,” Suguru sighs out and all of a sudden it feels like before this vessel mess started; just him and Suguru, two stupid boys with all the time in the world and not a care for it, except when it comes to each other.
“I could be your idiot again,” Satoru offers. “If you’ll let me stay.”
“What about Shoko?” Suguru asks, not giving Satoru the answer he so desperately wants to hear and Satoru huffs.
“She told me to tell you that you’re an idiot,” he relays her words. “And that she hopes you’re good. You know she’s basically begging you to take me off her hands, right?”
Satoru’s words make Suguru laugh and something in Satoru’s chest seizes at that. He hadn’t even realised just how much he had missed Suguru and he knows that there is no way he could ever walk away from him, no matter what his answer tonight is.
If Suguru tells him to get lost again, he might as well kill him while he’s at it. It wouldn’t take much and Satoru sure as hell wouldn’t put up a fight.
“She must be exhausted, handling you for two years,” Suguru agrees and squeezes Satoru’s hand. “Maybe she deserves a rest.”
“Rude,” Satoru huffs out, because it’s what they do, it’s how they are, but in reality his heart is soaring.
Suguru basically allowed him to stay.
“Satoru,” Suguru suddenly says, voice much more sober than before and Satoru’s attention immediately is focused on him.
“What?”
“If you stay, you stay,” Suguru tells him, his voice imploring. “I couldn’t—it does hurt when you’re not around and I don’t think I could walk away from you a second time,” Suguru admits. “So don’t let it come to that. You have to be sure.”
“Suguru, I am. I have been for a while, okay? Like I said, active participation might be out, but I’m here. I know what you do, and you’re going to explain to me in depth how you came to that conclusion, and then we’ll see about my participation but—I’m not leaving you again. And if I have to wash blood out of your clothes every other day, I’ll do it. Though—maybe I can share infinity with you, that would spare you that part, at least,” he muses and then laughs when Suguru presses a kiss to the back of his hand.
“You’re such an idiot,” Suguru says again, but it’s so unbearably fond that Satoru’s heart beats fast in his chest.
Before he can find his voice again, the door to Suguru’s bedroom gets pushed open.
“Geto-sama? The fifteen minutes are over,” one of the girls says, both of them peeking into the room and Suguru sighs, though it’s a fond sound.
“Nanako, Mimiko, come inside,” he instructs them and they do, without hesitation.
“Who is he?” the blond one asks, while the brown-haired one frantically tugs on her sister’s sleeve.
“Nanako, that’s rude,” she whispers and Satoru immediately files their names away.
He’ll need to know them if he’s going to be their step-dad, or whatever.
“He’s my—he’s Satoru,” Suguru finally settles on, a faint blush on his cheeks and Satoru wishes he could lean in to taste it, but for now he settles to squeeze his hand again. He loves the way that small gesture makes Suguru’s mouth curve slightly up.
“He’s your Satoru?” Mimiko asks for clarification, clearly curious as well but much more polite than her sister and Satoru want to reach out and ruffle their hair.
He’ll do that later, when Suguru isn’t turning to him with a soft smile on his face and hope in his eyes.
“I hope so, yes,” Suguru says, much more a question for Satoru than an answer for the girls, and Satoru doesn’t even hesitate.
“I am his Satoru, it’s nice to meet you,” he says to the girls, grinning widely. “How do you feel about getting a brother?” he then asks and he can almost taste Suguru’s frown in the air.
“Satoru,” he warningly says, “what did you do?”
“Nothing,” Satoru innocently gives back. “Yet. But Toji mentioned that his son would be sold to the Zen’in in three years and I thought it’d be better if I picked him up first. You don’t mind, do you?” Satoru asks, blinking his eyes at Suguru, who can only laugh helplessly at that.
“A brother?” Mimiko whispers out, clearly excited already and when Suguru smiles at her, Satoru knows he won.
“A brother, it would seem,” Suguru agrees, his eyes sliding over to Satoru again. “And a new dad. The family keeps growing.” His voice is fond and soft as he says it and Satoru can’t help but to lean in to press a kiss to his cheek.
“Bah,” Nanako says immediately and turns around to drag her sister out of the room, which only makes Satoru laugh.
“Oh, they’ll have to get used to that,” he says between chuckles but the breath gets caught in his chest when Suguru smirks at him.
“Don’t worry, they will,” he promises him and then pulls him in for a real kiss.
Satoru happily lets himself fall into it and he congratulates himself on a job well done. He knows they will have to talk about things, still, but Satoru made his decision long before he came here, and it seems as if Suguru made his as well.
And this time Satoru will make sure that they stay together, no matter what.