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She folded the last of her clothes, forcing it into her final suitcase. Ludwig watched from the desk chair in the corner of the room. He hadn’t said a word.
“I don’t expect you to come with me. I know you’re too stubborn to leave.” The suitcase was packed and closed, clasps still undone. “I can’t stand it here anymore. I’m leaving while I still have the chance.”
He gave a half-hearted chuckle. “Ja, fair enough.”
She clicked her suitcase shut.
Ludwig stood, grabbing two of the bags she’d packed. “The least I can do is offer a hand.”
The house they’d shared together already seemed so vacant as they made their way through the hall. The life that had once filled the house had been left to die. The bookshelves had been stripped, left barely full where once they had been overcrowded, the books hidden in places no one would think to look.
They paused at the door, the last chance for her to stay, for her to unpack and hunker down, try to bear through whatever happens next. Her mind was made up though, the thought of staying barely flickered across her mind. She knew she couldn’t stay.
She sighed, prepared to make her goodbyes but with her bags still in hand Ludwig opened the door, pushing it open with his shoulder. She watched him bring the bags to their car, opening the trunk, and arranging her luggage inside.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t want you taking a train out.” He slammed shut the trunk of the car once the last of the suitcases were thrown in. “I’ll drive you to Switzerland.”
It wasn’t an offer, not that she minded, while she’d never say it out loud she was glad to have a familiar face with her on the journey, even if it was only for a little longer. He knew her well enough she didn’t need to say it, and so he never would either.
They tried listening to the radio, anything to disturb the silence that lingered between them. The only thing they could pick up was the talk shows. Talk show after talk show, each with vitriol dripping from their words like food gone foul. They talked of the pogroms with the enthusiasm of rabid dogs caught on the smell of fresh blood. The radio was soon turned off, the straining silence returning in its wake. It hung in the air for a few minutes, filling the air like something with substance. The two of them were left nervously glancing out the windows of the car, watching as the land rolled past their windows.
Rita began to question whether turning the radio back on would be better than the way the quiet fueled her paranoia. When the temptation to grab the radio dials became almost too much for her to resist Ludwig spoke up.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m heading to Australia. It’s far enough away from here.” She stared out the window with her head resting on her hand, eyes glancing at the reflection of Ludwig on the glass.
“Do you have a plan for when you get there? Or are you making is up as you go?”
“I’ve got enough money for some place to stay for a bit, besides nurses are always needed, so it shouldn't be too difficult finding a new job.”
“That’s true.” In the reflection, she could see him nervously drumming on the steering wheel, eyes locked on the road in a dead stare.
Silence descended on the car again, neither sure where to restart conversation. The quiet wasn’t as unsettling this time, the pair’s disquieted minds concealed by lulls in conversation.
For the rest of the journey attempts at easy conversation were started and ended almost as quickly. Each fractured bit of dialogue separated by long stretches of nothing.
They were on the last leg of the journey, the border to Switzerland was almost within sight.
She could see an officer off to the side of the road.
“Ludwig.”
“Scheisse.”
Ludwig began to slow the car, the officer raising his hand in greeting as they came to a stop, an action they hesitantly mimicked.
The sound of her heart beating against her ribs flooded her senses, drowning out the words of the officer. She passed him her passport when she saw Ludwig handing over his own, faintly hearing him tell the officer something about bringing her to see her family.
Her passport was handed back to her, a smile on the officer’s face and well wishes for the trip on his lips. She thanked him, his grin twisting her stomach into some churning acidic hateful thing. When the officer returned Ludwig’s passport she tensed again.
There was no one around, surely if something went wrong she and Ludwig would be able to handle the officer. Still, her hand itched to grab the pocket knife she had begun carrying with her.
“Vorsicht, lassen Sie es besser bald erneuern, es läuft am 21. ab.“
"Oh! So ist es. Danke, das wäre mir nie aufgefallen.“
The two men laughed, Ludwig’s knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel. The officer didn’t notice and they were sent on their way.
They stared ahead at the road until finally, she gathered the nerve to look back through the rearview mirror, the officer was just a speck in the distance. Allowing herself to relax just slightly she reached over, placing her hand on Ludwig’s arm. He let go of the steering wheel, still holding it with his other hand and held her hand. Her hand always seemed so boney compared to his. With a reassuring squeeze, he let go, a wordless conversation.
For the rest of the drive, they waited tensely for someone else to stop them, for something to go wrong. They made it to Switzerland without another issue.
They found a hotel, a cheap-looking place, but she wouldn’t be staying long.
He unlocked the trunk and in silence, she got out of the car and unloaded her belongings. With suitcases gathered and placed to the side, she paused at the open passenger door, eyes locked with Ludwig’s.
“I’ll write once I get settled. Try not to get yourself killed.”
“And where’s the fun in that?” His joke fell flat, the ever-present threat laying too heavy on their shoulders. She smiled regardless.
“I’ll write.” She repeated and shut the door.