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It all happened so fast. They went in looking for answers but left with so many more questions. Each subsequent breath has been harder than the last ever sense. Shadowheart was reunited with her parents only to have them stripped away from her just as quickly.
The Ex-Sharran kneeled, head in hands, in front of the statue of Selûne. And prayed. Her eyes were heavy, throat like a desert, but she didn't let that stop her from pleading with the goddess. With Selûne.
How many times had Shadowheart spit on her name. Imagined being a part of her destruction. Carrying the darkness that might finally stomp out the light. Yet here she was pleading. Begging. The irony was not lost on her. If she wasn't experiencing the worst pain she'd ever felt she may even have a humorless laugh at herself, but it felt like a spear had been shot through her core and nothing could possibly heal it. She had almost no memory of that couple that had stood before her, yet she would do anything to have more time with them.
She found herself questioning if they had made the right decision. The cleric knew she honored their wishes by freeing herself from Shar's grasp...but...maybe there was another way? They had fought Gods now, what would be one more, right? Tav surely would have gone along with it, given how determined he seems to slay other people's problems.
Shadowheart prayed to Selûne for guidance. For affirmation. For answers. For anything that might make her feel...normal? That thought seemed a little impossible somehow.
As Shadowheart spoke, she heard the gentle scrapping against the stone behind her and a familiar stride closing in. She let her eyes open slightly but kept her head lowered, now praying in barley a whisper. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Lae'zel kneeled down beside her, assuming a similar position but not saying a word.
They kneeled for a while in silence. Shadowheart hated to admit it, but it was nice to have the reminder she's not completely alone. Even still, the gith's presence couldn't possibly calm the raging storm in her heart right now. Finally the cleric spoke, "I don't remember asking for company." Her voice was hoarser than she'd realized but the bitterness still got across all the same.
"Shadowheart, I'm worried about you. You've been out here all night. I'm here to offer my company but you may dismiss me if you truly wish to be alone." Lae'zel's tone was blunt, even IF her words were soft. Silence fell on the women once again as Shadowheart considered the words.
The cleric had to admit it was a bit jarring to think how far their relationship had come, over only a few weeks. It wasn't even surprising anymore that Lae'zel worried about her. About all of them.
Maybe it had started after the cleric's bold choice to defy Shar during the Gauntlet. Lae'zel came to her tent and attempted to console her by sharing war stories of her time trying to impress Vlaakith. Even Lae'zel would have to admit it was awkward, but the earnestness the gith displayed that night somehow put her at ease anyway.
Or maybe it had even been before that. Following the 'incident' at the Creche? That's when she started to take a much bigger interest in our world, our customs, our feelings. Perhaps she had started to resign herself to being trapped on this planet by her own people.
But thinking back further, Lae'zel had even been thinking of the group before ever heading to the Creche. Promising, in her passionate Lae'zel way, that so long as we trusted her we'd also be given the gift of de-worming.
"What do you pray for?" Shadowheart spoke softly, glancing over to see Lae'zel's bowed head.
"Githyanki do not pray." The green woman stated curtly. An aura of annoyance threatened to wash over Shadowheart but she held it in. For now.
"If you don't pray, why is your head always bowed while you sit outside your tent?" Her tone carried a bite of accusation, but it was hard to avoid when talking to the gith.
Lae'zel lifted her head slightly and spoke in a thoughtful, low voice. "Sometimes I replay our battles and attempt to sharpen my mind for subsequent battles. Sometimes I listen to every strange sound of your world so I can distinguish them around me and sharpen my instincts."
"And which have you been doing now?" Shadowheart asked, seeming uninterested in the answer.
"Neither." Lae'zel said softly, letting the word linger on her tongue before continuing. "Right now I can only think of how I should comfort you," she spoke again with an irritated chk. "I am still learning this world. I admit, your familial structures are confusing to me."
"Well it's not like I understand them much better," Shadowheart shot coldly. "I was raised a warrior. Same as you," she trailed off considering their similarities while looking a little closer at the other woman, "only less honorable." she laughed dryly.
Sitting up, she let her arms rest behind her. Shadowheart gazed up to the sky, watching the sun began to break the horizon, "I have flashes of passing moments that can only be memories. Strong feelings of longing or unrestrained love. To be honest it's overwhelming. Even I struggle to understand what I've lost. What I had taken from me."
Suddenly Shadowheart felt a surge of fear and she flinched her hand, realizing how honest she had just been. Her heart was racing as she looked down at her scarred hand and felt the memories come flooding back, replaying the events again in her head.
Her eyes were beginning to swell again and she knew she was helpless to stop it. She tried to lift to her knees only to be reminded of how scratched and raw they were. The pain mixed with bubbling emotions caused her to lose focus and tumble back onto her butt. Her shaky composure finally crumbled and she cried out. Loudly. She felt like the Wavemother had cursed her to drown in her own tears as she sat there crying into her hands. Yet another goddess she had managed to upset, she supposed.
Shadowheart was pulled from her thoughts for a moment as she felt two cold arms wrap around her from behind. The warm embrace took her aback but she leaned into it, feeling no strength to fight. As her sobs grew louder she had half expected Lae'zel to retreat like Tav had. Instead those lean, muscular arms only squeezed her tighter. It almost felt like the woman was trying to squeeze every tear from her body.
By the time she caught her breath again, the sun had easily cleared the horizon and shone brightly against the stone behind them. Her head was pounding so hard she nearly forgot where she was. Whose arms she'd been crying into. Shadowheart let go of the arm around her, realizing she had been holding on for dear life. She cringed slightly as she saw her glistening tears and snot covering green skin. Lae'zel loosened her grip, relaxing to allow the cleric to guide their movements.
"Gods. I never expected to fall apart in YOU'RE arms of all people." The cleric croaked out through a dry, rough throat. Her tone may have cut deeper, if it wasn't immediately followed by a bout of unseemly hacking. She sat up, choosing to once again sit beside the other woman.
"There is no need to be ashamed. Losing all of your kin can be...emotional." Lae'zel offered uncomfortably. Clearly her consoling could use some work but the effort was there.
"Believe me gith, I have no shame left." She knew her own words were lies and maybe that's why they brought her such comfort. But perhaps Lae'zel has it right. She's so unapologetically honest that it can be maddening. "Did you cry? When your people betrayed you? When they threw you out like some illithid scum of the plane?"
Lae'zel spat her next words, "My KIN did not betray me. They're being tricked by a false idol. Once I rid myself of this vile tadpole, I will make it my duty to free my githyanki brethren. I will enlighten them to Vlaakith's lies and free the true prince." Her face was growing a deeper shade of green as the woman surged with sudden defensiveness.
Of course the cleric could tell her words had upset the gith warrior but she just couldn't help poking. "My, how noble. I should have guessed you planned to brute force your way through this as well. Lae'zel of Crèche K'liir, new leader of the githyanki people. Shall I bow? Or would a war dance in your honor be more appropriate?" A nasty smirk raised onto her face, the 1st one all night.
"K'chakhi!" she spat hotly, standing to her feet, "If you only mean to insult me then so be it. I will take my leave." The woman turned forcefully and took a step away before panic took over Shadowheart.
"Wait!" she quickly cried out, the pleading in her voice caused her face to flush. "You would make a fine leader Lae'zel. I'm sorry." she quickly added.
Lae'zel's steps halted and then returned closer, cautionsly. Shadowheart was just starting to feel herself again, they're back and forth dynamic brought her comfort in a strange way. Familiarity. She just wanted to calm her panicked heart, to not feel so alone. Her mouth moved before her brain could stop her, "Would you hold me again?" she asked solemnly.
The weight of her words struck her as soon as they left her mouth and she felt a hot rush fill her face. So much for calming her heart, she's been traveling with Lae'zel too long, the truth just spilled out. The continued silence only further fueled her panic but as she was about to try and laugh it off, she heard the other woman shuffling behind her.
Lae'zel stepped in front of Shadowheart and kneeled with hesitation. She sat in a way that left room upon her lap, hands outstretched to show her compliance. Shadowheart crawled over to the other woman but after meeting her eyes the awkwardness was too much and she again considered laughing it off. This is absurd, she thought to herself. Why was it so awkward this time but before it had seemed almost natural. Nonetheless, Shadowheart, once again, found herself being held in Lae'zel's arms.
For someone that had little to no experience with hugging, Lae'zel held her so tenderly. "If you tell anyone I said this I'll deny it but..." shadowheart hesitated, retreating deeper into the embrace, "I think you would make a far better leader than Tav, he doesn't even seem to enjoy leading. I've seen him cry after choices he's made and he is always making life harder for us by finding stays," shadowheart huffed indignantly. "A big-hearted guy like that deserves to have a simple life, he's no warrior."
Lae'zel let out a small huff that almost sounded like a laugh, "I would have to agree with you on that. He's stronger than me and yet he is no warrior. But perhaps that's why he is the leader," the gith admitted thoughtfully. "He's the only reason we hadn't killed each other from the start." she offered in a cheeky jab.
Shadowheart felt a twinge of embarrassment being reminded of her rather rude behavior towards her ally. Lae'zel continued, "He helped me to find the courage to face Vlaakith's lies and appreciate all the strange yet fascinating intricacies of your world, plus just look at how easily he has been able to control Gale's hunger for power. They're both so eager to achieve peace for their people." as the gith spoke her fingers unconsciously found themselves playing with the little tufts of hair by the cleric's ear.
Shadowheart looked up, deep into the other woman's eyes and searched the pain and gratefulness buried underneath. After a moment of letting her stare, the gith looked down into green eyes with curiosity. Her stare was strong but somehow carried a softness she'd never fully appreciated until now.
She unconsciously leaned in closer, feeling a magnetic pull to continue searching those piercing, orange, cat-like eyes. She felt hot breath against mouth and reflexively looked down to spy pink lips dangerously close. So close she could taste her. Considering she's managed to get this close, the cleric assumed it wouldn't be too bad if she just...
Her heart was pounding in her chest as she leaned in and felt soft lips meet her own in a quick, cautious kiss. She lifted her eyes to see pupils the size of saucers staring back at her, eyebrows scrunched in a look of light confusion.
Suddenly long nails found themselves roaming through Shadowheart's hair and she had to gnaw at her lip to hold back a gasp. Lae'zel was looking firmly at the thieving lips, before slowly bringing the women back together. The second kiss was more tender, if not a bit more forceful. It only lasted a moment but Shadowheart couldn't think of anything else. She quickly buried her face in the other woman's arms, not daring to look her in the eyes again. "It seems I might have gotten a little too emotional there," she laughed awkwardly, "Maybe we'll keep this to ourselves as well."
The cleric could feel her face was on fire and could hear the pounding in her chest. Beating so loud like the strong boom of a drum, drowning out everything around her. As she heard a deep breath pass through the other woman, she realized the pounding was not only her own.
"You're going through a lot right now" the gith said in a warm, husky voice. She held the cleric a little tighter and started to lightly run her hands through the tufts of hair again. Shadowheart's heart slowly calmed and no more words were shared as they both drifted into some much needed rest.