Chapter Text
Isami would not claim to himself perfectly, but he is aware of his own bad habits. He knows he can be prickly and taciturn. His worst in his own opinion is swallowing up things that should be said until it’s too late, way too late.
He can think of a couple of times this has happened. The first happened so long ago that it almost feels more like a dream than a memory, a new kid had moved to his neighborhood. He was a foreigner and moved away soon after, yet for those few weeks he was there he became Isami’s best friend. His japanese wasn’t good but they managed. He remembers introducing him to Spar Kaiser. He knew they were moving again soon, he should have told him they could still be friends, that they could still somehow contact each other. He didn’t. The time came and all he could do was shut himself off in his room and be sad, he didn’t even go to say goodbye.
The second time was in highschool, an upperclassman from the judo club. They had grown close during his first year and by his second year Isami knew he liked him. He thinks it was mutual but whenever his upperclassman tried to broach the subject Isami diverted the conversation. He was afraid, that he was annoyed, that it would change their relationship, that he would be rejected. By graduation day’s time they had drifted apart, still friends but not quite as close as before. Still Isami had decided to stop being a coward, he looked for him and yet… He only caught up with the tail end of the confession, another of the graduating members of the judo club was with him. He couldn’t bear to hear the answer and so he left once again without saying goodbye.
Lewis Smith was a shock to his system. They were only meant to know each other for a little while, after the joint exercises in Oahu were finished it would be unlikely for them to ever cross paths again. Then came the deathdrives, Braevern, the torture. Smith ws the one who came to retrieve him from that nightmare, it could have been Hibiki, his commander, anyone from the SDF and yet it was him who came for him. Who, knowing of Isami’s reluctance to pilot Bravern again offered himself up.
Lulu was yet another, albeit different type, of shock. Their first meeting was less than pleasant, with a half naked Smith straddling her and her hugging him while naked. His anger was enough to forget momentarily his own nakedness. The following days were much the same, seeing her around Smith would irk him for reasons that even then he knew just refused to admit. Her punching him into a metal crate after trying to get away from Smith didn’t really endear her any more to him either. This carried on for a while, he knew that Smith was looking at him, he knew that he wanted to clear the air between them. Isami was just being stubborn. Then out of all the ways for them to finally talk Smith came up with a boxing match. He just knew Bravern was to blame for it somehow. Still it was telling how despite the bizarre situation and all the onlookers how much Smith was able to get out of him, and how much it actually meant to him what Smith told him. Coming from anyone else it would have sounded like empty platitudes. Had they been alone like Lewis originally intended, he can’t say with 100% confidence that things wouldn't have gone quite differently. They definitely wouldn’t have ended as bruised, or wet, for sure.
Operation sunrise was another instance of how much Lewis trusted him. It really came down to the last second but the fact that Lewis stayed with him despite needing to go to a safe zone from the bombardment, with Lulu as a stowaway didn’t pass him by. They had grown closer to both Lewis as well as Lulu. Hibiki even joked with him about finally becoming a small family with both of them. Superbia’s return left a sour taste in his mouth, having to leave Lewis and the others to deal with him while he took care of the tower and Cupiridas even more.
At the time, his worries were for nothing, Bravern and him were able to take down Cupiridas and Superbia surrendered. The truth about Lulu’s origin was harrowing but her cheerfulness didn’t seem to change. Things went on faster since, Lewis’ reckless attempt to “piloting” Superbia aside, things seemed to go for the better. They assigned a support unit for him, promoted Lewis and gave him an experimental TS. Isami would be lying if he said the news of Lewis following him to future battles upset him. They took a commemorative photo and set course for their next operation.
That morning Isami felt an inexplicable sense of dread. Close to lunchtime he found Lewis in the hangar and had a small chat with him. It was just a regular conversation yet he found himself wanting to say something, he didn’t. He would regret it. Everything went sideways, an ambush, Bravern’s uncharacteristic and ominous speech to Lewis. That gave him the urge to say something else, “Be careful” or “Don’t be reckless”. He contained himself and took off.
He remembers the first half of the fight in almost too much detail, the two Deathdrives in his path, one of them the source of the mist jamming their communications. Bravern’s lack of enthusiasm. Hearing the Brave Knights units struggle against a third Deathdrive, seemingly obsessed with Lewis. The giant laser. Bravern’s declaration that Deathdrives would not be revived again. Lewis’ final words before blowing himself up with the enemy unit.
He felt numb, his memories are a blur after that. He finds himself in the middle of Lewis’ room. He doesn’t immediately remember why he is there, the place seems lived in, there are dirty shirts in a hamper, some model kits yet to be built on the table, Spar Kaiser posters. There is a single notebook on top of the bed, with everything being digital now it seems out f place. It’s a journal. It only dates back to the start of the joint exercises, he reads it. Tears flow, he wants to scream, to go back and not be so stubborn, to get back any small amount of lost time. He takes the pen that was next to the journal, adds to the last entry. “1st Lieutenant Lewis Smith, declared MIA after a confrontation with the Deathdrives. Protected his comrades until the end. He was a true hero.”
No body was found, nor any debris from his TS or Knuth. He was declared MIA until they finished retaking their planet. Bravern could be a lot of things and hide a lot of secrets but he was no liar. So he would trust on his final declaration to Lewis, “Until we meet again."
The tears finally flow. He proceeds to write everything he would have wanted to say in person. How much he appreciated him, how dorky his naming sense was, how reckless his actions. He finally writes how much he loves him. He finally stands up, grabs the Spar Kaiser figure from the top bunk, the original reason he was here, Lulu couldn’t get close to the room without breaking down in tears. He takes the journal with him.