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A beauitful eclipse

Summary:

An epic tale of the romantical adventures between DogDay and CatNap as they venture throughout the lands, meeting characters such as Goku, Astarion, Shadowheart, Karlach, that blonde guy that you meet at the start of skyrim, and so many more!

Work Text:

DogDay walk round woods rerall good. It if firckden iwmdy!!! Om my god… is that?? Catnapo!?!?!?!?! DogDay salivates. w=awooga!!!!! IT IS CATNAP!!!!! He has risen! dOGDAY WALKS UPTO CATNAP WITH THE EAGERNESS OF A TODDLER ABOUT TO RECIEVE HIS FIRST SNAKC OF THE DAY.

“OH MY GOD CATNAP!!!!! Babygirl”

“DONT TALK TO ME queer boy. I haver a gun.”

“nO… CATNAP… THIS ISNT YOU!!!!!!!! YOU WOUDL NEVER SHOOT ME.” CATNAP RISES FOR THE OPPURTINITYT TO SMITE THIS FOOL LIKE AN EVENING STAR. HE WHIPPETH OUT THE GLOCKY AND SHOOTETH HIM IN THE NOGGIN.

“WHAT THE FUCKR CATPAN!!!” DogDay shouts in agony.

“IM GETTING…REALLLY..REALLYY!!! MAD!!!!!” dogday turned red, and fucking exploded into…GOKU??!?!?!?!

catNAP FALLS TO HIS KNEES AT THE SIGHT OF SUCH A GLORIOUS BEAST ALSO KNOWN AS GOKU. HRNNHHG… NO… HE CAN’T FALL FROM GRACE!! HES CAME SO FAR, HE WILL NOT BE BESTED BY SOME RAVEN HAIRED SNOT NOSED STEROID CHUGGING FUCK WIITH GLOWING HAIR. CATNAP IN A MOMENT OF WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS PURE, TRASCNEDANt, UNBRIDLED RAGE, ASCENDS TO THE TGODHOOD.

“You are no match for me, Goku.” CatNap’s voice echoed throughout the cosmos, speaking to every sentient being able to witness his sheer beauty.

“I am become death, destroyer of worlds.” His words pierced Goku’s ears like a bullet, sending Goku into a frenzied rage.

“YOU WILNT OT DEFEAT ME, CAT BOY!” GOKU SENDS THE ULTIMATE ASUPER, ROID PUNCH.

“Pitiful. Just pitiful.” CatNap laid his finger out in front of him, stopping Goku’s roid punch instantly.

“Skadoosh.” CatNap sent Goku flying, shooting him through worlds, cosmos, universes, even planes.

It takes a moment for goku to come to…. Eugh.. he feels like he just got absolutely shitfaced and jumped off a building. He squints, his eyes adjusting to the bleak, grey landscape he has somehow arrived in. The dull lull of a wagon sounds beneath him.

“Hey, you. You’re finally awake.”

A ragged blond man is seated in front of him, looking like hes been dragged through miles of mud and dirt. Eugh.

“Sir… where are we..?” Goku said hoarsely.
“Just outside Baldur's Gate, of course. We’ve been sentenced to death by hanging in the public square.” Goku stammers.

“Wwawdhaatt?? No…ican’t be handeg..” Goku attempts to break free of his constraints, only to find his powers gone.

“What hapne to me.f,..?” Goku says worriedly.

“You are a mere mortal now, Goku. You always have been, and always will be.” The blond man begins to twist and contort, eventually morphing back into CatNap.

“Onowds.. PEALSE!!!!>>” Goku begins thrashing violently, trying to escape his captor. “There is no escape, Goku. You are dead.”

CatNap raises his hand to end Goku’s life, and..

“Et Alibi!”

A large flash of light sweeps across the cart, grabbing Goku with it and setting him down on the ground below.

“What?” CatNap says, looking over to the flash only to find a party of adventurers consisting of a pale vampiric elf, a high elf clad in paladin armor, a barbaric tiefling, and a dragonborn dressed in long, deep robes standing before him.

“You…YOU DARE CHALLENGE MY PROWESS??” CatNap lunges for the party.

The dragonborn says a chant in an unknown tongue, and CatNap finds themself entangled in a web of magic, unable to be moved. But then…