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The breeze was gentle today. It was a small blessing, although I was long past thanking the Archons for such things.
Alas, the mild weather made for a pleasant time outdoors, for Sumeru’s rainforest climate. My oversized ichimegasa hat shaded me from the harsh sun, but it could do nothing to protect me from the humidity.
I sighed, readjusting myself on the tree limb, a casual hand atop the papers I had to review before the end of the week. Just another Vahumana idiot talking about things he knew nothing about. Irritating, but when you’ve watched the world burn down in the flames of war and rebuild itself from ashes, such matters were trivial.
I would rather enjoy the peaceful day.
Slowly closing my eyes, I drew the hat over my face, grateful for the hidden tree hollow I had found deep in the Avidya Forest.
Those blathering youths at the Akademiya would have to wait until I got back.
Peace and quiet at last.
“Ru… rukkha… shaaaa.”
A timid voice broke through my tranquillity, stammering out what I could only surmise was a spell. I cracked an eye open and shifted my hat out of the way to gaze upon the disturbance.
A green-haired girl was walking absent-mindedly into the tree hollow, a notebook and brush clutched in her arms. She the notebook in front of her face, bright eyes squinting at the writing thereon.
I groaned. Hopefully, the disturbance would be brief. And quiet.
“Star… shrooooom?” The girl made a frustrated noise, before muttering, “Archons above, why are there so many mushrooms?”
You can blame this infernal humidity, I thought bitterly. The hotter months almost made me miss my homeland.
Almost.
The scratching of a stiff writing brush on paper reached my ears, and I heard the girl sound out whatever she was writing.
“How am I su…pposed to remem…ber all of these names? It’s too hard!” She sighed, and I heard the clatter of the brush being set down. “Master Tighnari can be so strict sometimes.”
Ah, I nodded in recognition, One of Tighnari’s students.
Despite his young, mortal age, the Forest Ranger had a profound understanding of biology and environmental matters. Not that I had any interest the Amurta Darshun. Or the Akademiya in general. I was only posing as a Vahumana scholar because Lesser Lord Kusanali had ordered me to do so, after all.
No other reason.
A soft sigh from inside the hollow broke my train of thought. Then a groan, which left me blinking in surprise. Such a frustrated noise.
“Come on, Collei,” she groaned to herself, “Forget about that man. The Dottore can’t hurt you anymore.”
I froze.
The. Who?
That accursed name was the last thing I had expected to hear in this leafy haven. That traitor, that lying, manipulative piece of-
I took a deep breath in. Out.
Breathing wasn’t strictly necessary, but I had to admit that it helped.
Summoning all my bravado and casual snarkiness, I asked, “What do you know of The Dottore?”
A smirk played at the edge of my lips as I heard the girl - Collei - yelp and drop everything she had been holding.
“W-who’s there?” she gasped.
Now that’s a tough question. I had gone by many names in the past, each one marking a chapter of my twisted, turbulent life. The Traveller had dubbed me with a name, of course, but I wasn’t in the habit of sharing such precious information with anyone. Even the Vahumana scholars simply called me ‘Hat Guy’.
Not a title I would have chosen, but I wasn’t in a position to be picky.
“A friend of that man’s enemies,” I responded.
“E-enemy?” Collei’s voice seemed surprised by the term, “I hate him. Really, really, hate him. But I don’t know about ‘enemy.’”
A round, purple eye peeked through a gap in the hollow’s bark. Noticing it, I lowered the brim of my hat to block my face from her curious gaze.
“Semantics,” I scoffed, “Either way, he shall suffer for his actions.”
Collei laughed, “I have to agree there. My name is Collei, I’m a trainee Forest Ranger. What’s your name?”
I sighed, “I’m a Vahumana scholar. Most people just call me Hat Guy.”
“I can see why,” Collei said, “But why would a Vahumana scholar be this far in the Avidya Forest? Isn’t your Darshun about History and stuff?”
“It’s quiet here,” I said, before adding, “or at least it was.”
“Sorry…”
“Whatever. It’s still more peaceful than the House of Daena, even if you’re bringing up memories of The Dottore.” I spat the name, wanting it out of my mouth as fast as possible.
Scratching, thudding and grunting told me the girl was clambering out of the hollow to sit on top.
Suppressing a sigh, I shifted on the tree limb next to the hollow. Her persistence was reminiscent of the Akademiya girls who often hovered near my desk.
Does this Nation not understand personal space?
“If you don’t mind sharing, how do you know The Dottore?” Collei asked.
I did mind.
“That’s none of your business,” I told her.
“Oh,” she murmured, sounding crestfallen, “sorry, you’re right.”
I felt a twinge of guilt for her, but I was used to ignoring such emotions. Harden your heart. That is the way of the Shogun’s puppet; the way of the Harbinger.
Am I either of those things anymore?
The thought had been nagging me ever since the Lesser Lord had restored my past life’s memories to me, and the Traveller gave me a new name.
Maybe I should give ‘conversation’ a go, I thought, perhaps that is part of my new identity. Celestia knew how the Lord of Dendro had been pestering me to be more social. Her identity as the Archon of Wisdom should hold some weight, even if the Shogun couldn’t even make her definition of Eternity eternal.
We had been sitting in blissful silence for a few minutes when I finally cleared my throat.
“Ahem, I believe I asked you about your ties to that man first?” I said, trying for my most conversational tone.
Collei flinched slightly at the sudden topic, then quickly asked, “Why should I tell you? I don’t even know your name or your face.”
I snorted, “Why would that help? There’s no meaning in either thing.”
“Hmph, I’d still like to know,” Collei said stubbornly, “You’re a stranger, and an eavesdropping one too.”
I sighed, reluctant. Would she be scared? Intuitive individuals often recognised the hostility in my eyes and on my face. It was baked into every fibre of my being like blood on stone.
Worst of all, I didn’t know why I cared.
I was usually glad for solitude, but I found myself hoping Collei would stay.
I probably knew I’d enjoy tormenting her somehow.
That had to be it.
Evil does evil.
Having settled that matter, I pulled off my hat, using the wide brim to slowly reveal my smirking face. Collei, herself, was crouched on top of the hollow as I had guessed, her notebook and brushes clutched tightly in her hands. She seemed so small. So young. Her face had an innocence that reminded me of my… friend.
His eyes had widened the same way when I returned home from an outing. Until they didn’t shine anymore.
An ache tore at my chest. Anger. Not grief… not that.
“Are you okay?” Collei asked.
I blinked in surprise at the question.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I huffed, “Hurry up and answer my question. Or do you need an hour to prepare a response?” I sneered.
“It’s… kind of a sensitive subject,” Collei mumbled.
I raised an eyebrow, unsurprised. I couldn’t exactly imagine that the Harbinger had been donating boxes of kittens to an orphanage.
Collei blew out a breath, then said, “He… they told me he was a doctor. A proper one. I had Eleazar…”
She fidgeted with her notebook, flipping the corners of its pages between trembling fingers and not meeting my gaze. I was familiar with the disease, of course. Lesser Lord Kusanali had informed me of its effects on her people, although she was terribly vague about how it had suddenly disappeared.
Perhaps it had been erased as I had.
“He said he could cure me, but he never even tried,” Collei continued, her eyes darkening, “He just u-used me for his experiments.”
Ah, she was one of those children.
I had disregarded their gaunt and hopeless faces during my ‘appointments’ with The Dottore. He had never cared who he used for his experiments, man, woman, child - all held the same importance as lab rats to him. Even his ‘comrades’ were just another material for his experimental design.
“I’m sorry,” I told her, the words slipping from my lips before they had registered in my mind. My brow furrowed. What was that? ‘Sorry?’ I shook my head in disbelief. This Nation was making me soft.
“What about you?” Collei asked, wiping her face on her scarf. “How do you know him?”
I leaned back against the tree trunk, memories of my past flashing before my eyes like Kamera images projected onto the canopy above.
“The first time we met, he killed my friend,” I said, keeping my voice even. “After that, we worked together. I was often sent to a dangerous place and he tended to my wounds afterwards. He was… fascinated by my constitution.”
Collei’s eyes widened as she asked, “Why would you cooperate with him? What about your friend?”
Niwa…
Years of hatred at the name, now fermented into bitter regret.
“I was misinformed and angry at the world. I asked him to experiment on me so I could take revenge. When my plans failed, he abandoned me,” just like everyone else, the thought intruded, but I shoved it aside. “By the time I found out what he had done to my friend - to me - it was too late.”
“He’s a bad person,” Collei spat.
I scowled, “That’s an understatement.”
We fell into an comfortable silence, letting the forest fill the space with its birdsong and whispering leaves. A strange feeling was moving in my chest, a sensation of… admiration. This mortal girl, whom time would soon reclaim, was similar to myself. Yet her smile was genuine. A feat I hadn’t been able to achieve, even when I had become a god.
Only when I had erased myself, and never again since.
But watching her now, legs swinging from the roof of the hollow tree, I couldn’t help but feel hope.
Hope that maybe I could smile too.
“You’re a good listener,” Collei said.
I raised a doubtful eyebrow, “Me?”
She nodded, her gaze turning wistful. “I usually just vent to this tree hollow,” she patted the wood underneath her, “and the Traveller when they’re around.”
The Traveller has that effect on people.
“What about your friends? Your Master?” I asked.
Collei chuckled fondly, “Master Tighnari isn’t much of a listener. He’s kind, but he prefers to show his feelings through actions. Like that time when I told him my wrist was sore from archery. He barely acknowledged me at the time, but the next morning I found a wrist brace and salve for pain on my bedside table.”
“Then if you’d like,” I started, blushing at the preposterous notion in my head, “I could be a tree hollow for you.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw the beam that lit Collei’s face as she asked, “Then can I call you ‘friend?’”
Words momentarily fled my mind.
All but one.
Friend.
My entire face heated, and I swiftly hid it from sight. A friend. Not the sort of friendship I had with the Harbingers or our informants, nor the kind I had had with The Traveller or Lesser Lord Kusanali, who would never forgive my countless sins.
In this world, is it possible for me to… have a friend? I cleared my throat, face still turned away from the girl. “Just d-don’t expect me to have tea with your friends.”
“Not yet, at least,” Collei laughed, and the sound lifted my heart, the echo of her joy within me.