Work Text:
If you are to ask Bamby if anything is keeping him up at night that makes him feel suffocated, the answer will be yes.
Yu Hamin, his coworker, his group mate, his best friend, and also his very suffocating crush. Yeah, Bamby has an embarrassingly huge crush on his coworker. What about it? Shit happens and the earth still revolves around the sun.
So what is the big question that keeps Bamby up late at night, making him feel like a soldier in a war who is losing sleep and concentration because he misses his lover? He thinks of it so much that he even dreams of it now and then.
“Do you like me?” That’s it. Just a simple question. But it feels forbidden to ask. First of all, they’re coworkers. Second of all, Bamby doesn’t know if Hamin looks at him that way. It’s difficult to tell. Hamin is a nice person in general, he treats everyone the way they like to be treated. To Yejun and Noah, he is the sweet and cute younger brother. To Eunho, he is a younger brother who is attentive to his needs and tells him what he wants to hear.
Of course, to Bamby, he is also all those. But above all that, Hamin is Bamby’s ideal man. Someone who can take care of him and is attentive to even the smallest details such as tying his shoelaces for him, and bringing his things for him. Because Bamby is usually forgetful and clumsy. And Hamin has shown himself to be perfect in those aspects. It’s nearly impossible to not fall for Hamin, especially in Bamby’s case. He spends the most time with Hamin. When Hamin pays attention to Bamby, the pink-haired man can’t help but feel butterflies in his stomach.
But like he mentioned earlier, Hamin is generally a nice person who treats everyone nicely. There’s no way Hamin will reciprocate his feelings.
But that doesn’t mean that when given the opportunity to ask this dying question, Bamby wouldn’t ask it. Bamby would like to identify as someone who would rather ask than die out of curiosity. Especially after Hamin being the one who opened the conversation first.
“You like me, don’t you?” Hamin asks.
Bamby knows. He knows that they’re just playing a game. But that didn’t stop his heart from beating out of his chest when he heard those words coming out of Hamin’s mouth. Because what does that even mean? If Hamin is asking this question, does it mean that his feelings are seen? Does Hamin like him too after all?
“..of course,” Bamby replies almost too quietly for the mic to pick up his true feelings. It’s just a game. But to Bamby, everything that he’s about to say from this moment onwards will be nothing but the truth.
Even if it’s just a game, Bamby wonders if Hamin can feel the sincerity in his answer.
Hamin nods, his expression unreadable. Or maybe it’s Bamby’s brain trying to protect himself from whatever Hamin is feeling.
The game carries on and Bamby tries to avoid the topic in general, coping with the lump in his throat. But Hamin asks again when it’s his turn.
“You said that you like me, but you know that it’s an unrequited love, right?”
The lump in Bamby’s throat sinks to the pit of his stomach and his racing heart stops beating for a second. He tries to look into Hamin’s dark green eyes for an answer. But the usual dreamy green eyes that remind him of the beautiful agricultural scene that he sees from an aeroplane are gone. Bamby feels like he’s staring into the abyss. He can’t read Hamin at all.
Panicking, Bamby breaks eye contact for a few seconds and stares at the ground. This is hurting his feelings. He doesn’t want to say it but he has to say it for the sake of the game. “Of course.” He looks into Hamin’s eyes again, trying to look for anything that reminds him of Hamin at all. And he sees the softness in Hamin’s eyes has returned.
Oh, those eyes are the same eyes that Bamby fell for.
“You,” Bamby pauses and prepares his heart for it. “You like me too, don’t you?”
And in that moment, Bamby swears he made Hamin’s heart skip a beat. The younger’s strong facade that he created for this game disappears and he falters. This time, he breaks eye contact to recollect himself before replying, “Of course.” Bamby notices the shakiness in Hamin’s answer.
Is he nervous too? Does he like me after all?
“Ah! By the way, is there something going on between Hamin-ssi and Bamby-ssi? Do you perhaps have feelings for each other?” Sunwoo’s question had Bamby’s heart picking up its pace again. If an outsider thinks so, then for sure…?
Bamby looks around to make sure that it’s okay for him to speak. “These days, Haminnie–”
“Bamby hyung and Eunho hyung are dating,” Hamin quickly cuts him off, leaving no room for Bamby to speak at all.
“Eh?” Did Bamby perhaps hear Hamin wrongly? “With him?” He points to Eunho while looking at Hamin, but the younger avoids his eyes.
“Are you the X-man?” Eunho laughs awkwardly. The silver-haired rapper proceeds to explain whatever Hamin just said but Bamby can’t seem to get what Hamin said out of his head.
Why… did he say that? Sure, Bamby was dating Eunho when they all first met but they soon broke up after Bamby started losing feelings for Eunho and gaining them for Hamin. They made sure to announce this to the rest of the group to prevent any bridges from burning within the group.
What baffles Bamby most is that Hamin is the closest to him, so he should know that Bamby doesn’t have any lingering feelings for Eunho anymore. So where did that come from?
Bamby didn’t expect Hamin to ever kiss him at all but if there were to be a first kiss between them, Bamby imagined there to be fireworks going off in every inch of his body. He never imagined it to leave a bitter taste on his tongue. Even when Hamin gives him a pat on his head and showers him with praise, it still hurts because now Bamby knows that Hamin is just saying that because he’s a nice person. Not because there were any feelings involved.
“Good job everyone,” the members say to one another as they leave the place, ready to go home. Bamby is the first to leave, trying his best to put on the biggest smile because it is still a happy day after all despite what just happened.
Now that Bamby is alone, Hamin’s words from earlier on replay in his head like a scene from a shitty romance movie where the second lead gets rejected. That’s how Bamby feels right now. Can’t believe it ended before it even started.
The lump in his throat makes its reappearance and now tears are stinging in his eyes. Now Bamby knows that those memories he made with Hamin only held significance to him and him alone. It’s unrequited, just as Hamin had said.
“If he didn’t like me then he shouldn’t have made my heart beat for him…” Bamby grumbles under his breath as he kicks a rock that is in his way, imagining that it is Eunho. Maybe if they hadn’t dated in the first place, Hamin wouldn’t have said something like that. However, Bamby knows that there is no use in blaming any of them because these feelings are his responsibility, not anyone else’s. In fact, blaming them had just made him feel shittier.
“Agh! This is a mess.” Bamby squats on the ground and brings his knees to his chin. How frustrating this is. How did he end himself up in a mess like this?
“Bamby hyung?” Bamby’s ears perk up when he hears his name being called by a familiar voice. He turns his neck and sees Hamin running in his direction. “Bamby hyung, are you okay?!” Hamin picks Bamby up from the ground and inspects him. He places his hand on Bamby’s forehead to check if he has a fever and proceeds to see if he has any visible injuries. How can Bamby bring himself to give up on his feelings for Hamin when the younger treats him like this?
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Why were you on the ground then?!”
“I was just… thinking of something.”
Hamin lets out a sigh of relief. “Please don’t scare me like that again.”
Bamby looks at Hamin blankly. “Why are you here?”
“Oh, you left your jacket behind so I ran after you. Since I was going to return you something, I thought maybe we could head home together too.” Hamin places the jacket around Bamby’s shoulder.
“Why did you say that?” Bamby blurts.
“Huh?” A look of confusion washes all over Hamin’s face and his eyes are wide.
“You know that Eunho and I are not dating anymore. You also know that I no longer have feelings for him.”
Fuck. Bamby didn’t mean to sound angry at all. He wanted to have a proper conversation with Hamin, but his feelings had won over him.
Bamby watches as the wave of panic dissipates from Hamin’s face and is now replaced with a look of embarrassment. “I don’t know why I said that either. I guess I just didn’t want my true feelings to be known to everyone else even before I confessed to you properly. Sorry for saying that.”
“What?” There it is again. The deep sound of his heart thumping.
“I’m sorry, Bamby hyung.”
“No, not that. What you said before that.” Bamby frantically shakes his finger.
“About my feelings?”
“Yeah!”
Hamin breaks out into laughter that cannot be fonder. “You heard me right. I do like you, Bamby hyung. Sorry for letting everyone else know before I told you the truth. That’s not very romantic—” Before Hamin can finish his sentence, Bamby brings him into a crushing hug.
The tears that were threatening to fall from earlier on make their way down Bamby’s cheeks. “Please don’t ever do something like that again. Do you know how much my heart was aching just now?” Bamby complains in between sobs.
Hamin places his large hand on Bamby’s head, much like earlier on. But unlike just now, Bamby’s heart is filled with peace and warmth. He can feel Hamin’s love for him.
“I won’t do that ever again. Bamby hyung, my cute idiot.” Hamin presses his lips against Bamby’s head. “I’ll never break your heart ever again. I promise.”
Bamby looks up from between Hamin’s chest with a heavy pout. “Don’t you have anything else to say?”
Hamin can’t hold in the fond smile forming on his face. “You want to be my boyfriend, don’t you?”
“Of course, you idiot.” Bamby snuggles into Hamin’s chest once again.
Finally, the thoughts that have been keeping Bamby up at night have reached Hamin’s heart.