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It has been almost a year, since their corporate lives started. Ten months since he last saw him. He felt strangely nervous, he knows he shouldn’t be, but there was strange uneasiness creeping on him. They have been friends throughout college life. Yoongi has been there for him, when he felt down. Yoongi was there when he felt so lost, because he failed to get full term conversion. Yoongi, who has never once judged him. So why was he so worried?
The gentle hum of the bus engine blends with the soft murmur of conversations, creating a soothing symphony that cradles his thoughts. Outside, the world passed by in a blur - cars rushing past like time slipping from his hands, trees swaying with a grace mocking his inner turmoil. The sun casts a warm, golden glow through the window, painting everything it touches with the promise of serenity. The peacefulness of the journey juxtaposed with the mounting tide of anxiety within him.
On the surface, tae knows. He knows he is meeting the people who have been his home for last 4 years. The home he has been longing for ever since he left for his job. The late night talks, laughing till their stomachs ache, sleepovers and all those moments and all those memories that helped him survive his time away. He should not even be worrying about this right now, he was going for celebration, a house warming party. Gguk and Hobi were moving in together, after 2 years. It would be the perfect reunion, he just has to keep his heart on leash. He takes deep breaths, a futile attempt to anchor himself, as clock ticks away, bringing him closer to his friends, his yoongi.
When did he start liking him?
Was it on their convocation, when he saw Yoongi in his fitted suit, and his gummy smile, glowing like Universe revolved around him? Tae still had the pic, they took that day, set as his phone wallpaper. perhaps he was already far too gone by then, but was too dumb to realize.
Was it, when tae’s roommate kicked him out just before the finals. Yoongi was only one he could go to, only one who would have understood the situation. Its not like others would not have taken him in, but they would have wanted an explanation and he wasn't sure with all the stress and the amount of sleep he was surviving on, he had the strength to explain everything without breaking down. He could not afford it, not right now. all he needed was place, where he could focus, without being bombarded with questions or concerns. Yoongi gave him just that. When tae knocked at his door, 2 in the morning, with looks that could barely pass for being human. Yoongi was concerned at his state, but decided not to voice it. He let tae in, even when it meant, sharing the single mattress on wooden cot, they could hardly call bed. Maybe his heart had already found his home in Yoongi, waiting for his brain to catch up.
Did it happen when Yoongi stayed up late to help him in his assignment, even though cyber security was not Yoongi's domain, and when tae’s own classmates had given up? The thing is cyber security was his best subject and he could have delivered perfectly, had he enough time. But within the time frame given there was no way he could pull it off alone, and people he knew had already given up. It was not a necessary credit, but if Tae wanted the recommendation letter he could not pass this opportunity Lucky for him, Yoongi showed right on time and Yoongi might have been more of hardware person, but its like he just knows everything, and before tae knew, he was swept away by Yoongi's genius.
Tae might not remember when it all started, wasn’t sure when the blurry lines of platonic friendship had become so clear and sharp in his heart, but he knows its too late now. From the moment, Jimin had introduced him to Yoongi with “this guy hardly talks, I think we need to adopt him Tae!” in their first year of college, to now Yoongi had been there, as his best friend. Most of the times Tae could ignore it, especially because he was away from Yoongi, he could pretend it was just him missing his best friend. But when during their catchup calls, Yoongi asks to switch to video call because they haven't seen each other in so long, hope blossoms and warmth spreads in his chest, his emotions become larger than life, engulfing him, and he might even feel a little braver and he might just confess. He had imagined it so many times now, rehearsed his lines over and over but when he sees yoongi through the screen with his gummy smile, he falters. Because Tae knows he shouldn’t have fallen for his best friend. He has seen friendships fall apart because of this. He knows he should not, because he cannot even imagine not being with Yoongi, even if just as friends.
It would be the first time in ten months he would be meeting Yoongi and he was scared and nervous.
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Tae was the first to arrive with his mom's special dessert especially made for such celebratory occasions. he hugged gguk and hobi and settled into the familiarity as if no time had passed – because for them, it hadn’t. They’d been inseparable since college, and distance had only made their bond stronger. Namjoon brought with him a potted plant as a housewarming gift. “For good luck,” he said, his eyes twinkling. Jin, swept in with a bottle of wine and a contagious laugh. He'd known Jeongguk since kindergarten, and their shared memories spilled out like confetti. “Gguk, Remember that treehouse we built?” he asked, eyes shining. “This house feels like our grown-up version.” Jimin, brought a hand-painted welcome sign. “Your house needed a touch of whimsy,” he declared, grinning. His vibrant strokes depicted a smiling sun, surrounded by flowers and birds. Hobi hung it proudly by the entrance.
the cozy living room became a sanctuary of memories. Fairy lights danced along the window frames, casting a warm glow on the wooden floors. Mismatched mugs were filled with steaming chai – a nod to their college days when they’d huddle in dorm rooms. The scent of freshly baked cookies wafted from the kitchen, courtesy of Jeongguk's one of many skills. Hoseok, was the assigned DJ.
Yoongi was last to come. Having stayed in the city for so long, he was expert on the takeouts, so he was incharge of bringing food and beer
The cozy kitchen island became the heart of the party. Glasses clinked, and stories flowed. They talked for hours well into the midnight. Tae’s face hurts from smiling so much this is the best day since like forever. They planned for movie night, but movie has been long forgotten serving as background noise. Everyone was a little tipsy, huddled in the familiar chaos. Air was thick with nostalgia and laughter and utter chaos. Stories after stories. No worries of jobs, no deadlines, no office tomorrow. It was perfect.
“we have got bed guys, why are you all laying on the floor?”
“ Its just so much more fun.”
It was a small apartment but it didn’t matter. They’d shared cramped hostels, sleeper trains, and leaky tents. Now, they lay side by side, whispering secrets into the darkness.
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In all this liveliness, Tae was trying to stay as far away from Yoongi as he could without making it obvious, and he was sure he was nailing it. Namjoon approached yoongi, " did something happen between you and tae? ". Yoongi looked at tae, their eyes met, tae looked away, cheeks flushed, pretending sudden interest in hem of his shirt. " I dont know, He has been avoiding me since I got here. is he upset with me?"
"dunno man. you should talk it out",
Jimin and tae were having whispered conversations, when Yoongi asked to see tae for a moment, tae's eyes widened, caught like deer in headlights. Yoongi gestured toward the room, and tae followed, his steps hesitant, like a secret unfolding.
“is everything okay??”
“yeahh. Sure.” He cant even look in yoongi’s eyes. He is so screwed.
“tae, look at me.. are you- I mean did I do something wrong?”
“NO. Yoongi why would you say that?” Yoongi leaned against the door, arms crossed, a gentle frown creasing his brow as he watched tae fidget in the chair across the room. “you’ve been ignoring me all night,” he finally broke the silence, his voice a mix of curiosity and concern.
Tae's heart raced, the sound of it thumping loudly in his ears. He had been caught, and there was no turning back now. “I… I don’t know what you mean,” he stammered, avoiding Yoongi’s gaze, feeling the weight of his own emotions threatening to spill over. He had been just staring at the floor ever since they entered the room. Yoongi came here to talk to him. Since they got here tae had been keeping his distance. Even namjoon had noticed something was wrong. And now tae wont even look at him.
“tae” he breathes, it comes out more like a sentence than a question.
Taehyung opens his mouth and closes it, going through a million different emotions. When he doesn’t answer, yoongi steps forward, “what is it tae, you know you can tell me anything, right?”
“its not, its just- “ tae couldn’t find the right words or more like tae couldn’t find a perfect coverup. Yoongi had always been fan of how confident tae was, in everything he did, in everything he said, seeing him like this, and realizing tae didn’t want to confide in him hurt him more than he thought it would. He pulled tae into hug, they stayed like that for some time, listening to other’s breaths, their heartbeats syncing. If tae couldn’t confide in him, he would at least be strong enough for tae to rely on him.
“yoongi..” tae sighed “ you are… making this so …so hard for me”
“do you want to lie down for bit?” tae nodded.
Yoongi’s hand circled tae’s wrist loosely, pulled him towards bed. Laying his head on yoongi’s chest he listened to his heart beat. With yoongi ruffling his hair, tae felt a lump in his throat. He didn’t want this moment to end, but he couldn’t stay here, it would just hurt him more.
“yoongi, ….why am I so greedy?” tae managed to say without his voice breaking. Tae knows he shouldn’t, knows he shouldn’t stay here, but yoongi is his safe place, his comfort, his….everything. How did he end up depending on yoongi so much? Whenever he felt down he went to yoongi, whenever he had trouble, he looked for yoongi. His heart craved for it, especially now.
“you are not tae, you are most selfless person I have known.” tears threatening to come out, tae felt so helpless, so vulnerable, he was angry at himself,
“ why do I want more then? Why cant I just be satisfied?” they trusted each other, they ere always their for each other, they had a special bond, they already have each other so why does he want more.
“ because you deserve it, you deserve the whole world and so much more tae” he chuckles at this, his tears leaving wet stain on yoongi’s shirt. He just cant help it, yoongi is always so considerate always putting him first even when he was being selfish, yoongi was comforting him.
Yoongi was never good at social cues, he could see tae crying but he didn’t know what to do. He started patting tae’s head but he only made it worse.
“everything will be ok” yoongi whispered as he held onto him tighter
Tae looked up at yoongi with his tear stained face, his eyes turning red, lump in his throat making it hard to speak. Yoongi took tae’s face in his hand wiping away his tears, seeing tae this way was hurting him in ways he couldn’t explain, his eyes sting, he could feel lump forming in his own threat. Tae took a deep breath, the air feeling thick in his lungs. “It’s just… sometimes, you look at someone and realize they are everything.. .....everything you could ever want,” he began, his voice barely above a whisper. “but then you also realize...... that i would never be what they want. And .. yoon .. I cant … it hurts, it hurts so much ” he sniffles.
Yoongi can not really make sense of what he is hearing, does this mean tae likes someone and was rejected. But yoongi could not make sense of it how could anyone not like tae. but then why was taehyung ignoring him. did he by any chance mean tae liked him.
“Is that how you feel about me?” he asked voice barely audible
" I am sorry , I am so sorry. I'll get over you. I promise. These feelings, they're - they're only temporary, I swear. I - I'll get over you. Just please... please don't leave me-"
"..don't.. what if I don't want these feelings to be temporary? did you ever think that maybe - maybe I like you too?"
"you don't have to lie to me.... you can tell me the truth.. I will be okay"
"WHAT?? I have been in love with you since fucking forever tae-"
When yoongi looks over at him, his eyes are puffy and red, tear tracks on his face, he raises his hand to cup tae’s cheeks, and he presses their foreheads together. inhaling slowly. exhaling shakily. his heart beats so loud he wonders if tae can hear it.
“tae, can I kiss you?”
Tae closes the space between them, lips slow and hesitant as they press into yoongi’s. a shiver runs through yoongi, a smile stretches across his face. His fingers gently sliding down to tae's nec, pulls him closer. Tae couldn’t have asked for more, it felt like all his life he had been waiting for this moment, he was with yoongi and nothing mattered anymore, this moment was everything.