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The tension between Eddie and Steve had been mounting over the course of the day, a series of small things building and building until the simmering frustration boiled over.
It had started that morning, on a mere few hours of sleep after their last night shift, helping Wayne move back into his place now that he was feeling well enough to be on his own, at least for a while.
“Eds, can you help me with this box? You keep getting distracted, I feel like I’m doing all of this myself.”
“My arms really weren’t made for lifting, Steve…I’ll grab this smaller one.”
And a short time later…
“Eddie, can you take your shoes off by the door, you keep tracking dirt in!”
“My shoes are clean!”
“They aren’t, I can literally see the dirt!”
And later still…
“Steve, I’m ordering pizza, what do ya want?”
“Why are you ordering pizza? I said I was gonna cook tonight, I was about to get everything ready.”
“Sorry, Stevie, I forgot -”
“Fuck sake, Eds, I lifted out the meat and everything!”
“Fine, I won’t order in, you can cook!”
“Well clearly you’d rather have pizza, so you may as well order.”
“Steve…”
“Eddie.”
They’d locked gazes in the kitchen, both of them exhausted after a long week at work with a large amount of late-night callouts. They’d both barely slept, Steve had been wracked with a migraine a few nights ago that had left him strung-out and fatigued, and he was even more tired after spending the morning helping Wayne move back into his own place. Eddie had been ecstatic that Wayne was feeling well enough to move back, but Steve knew part of him would miss having his uncle so close.
“I didn’t mean to muck up your plans,” Eddie grumbled.
Steve turned his back, clenching his jaw in frustration. “It’s fine. I just know you’re catching up with Gareth and the guys tomorrow night, so I thought it would be nice to cook for us tonight.”
“You know, you could just come with me for a change,” Eddie leant against the bench, arms folded across his stomach, “I know you don’t particularly like my friends, but -”
“What makes you think I don’t like them?” Steve rounded on his boyfriend, frowning. Sure, he’d only met Eddie’s friends a handful of times, but they were all nice enough, if a little distant towards him. But truth be told, he felt a little out of place amongst Eddie’s old friends – he didn’t understand half of what they talked about, about bards and barbarians and some place called Mordor and a frankly obscene amount of dice - Steve always thought there’d only been one damn dice. The music they played and listened to was loud, and while Steve loved to see Eddie enjoying himself, he couldn’t be around it for too long or it sometimes triggered his migraines.
He felt a little…awkward around them too. Occasionally Jeff or Freak would glance over at him with something bordering on hostility, sometimes Gareth would eye him nervously, and Steve got it, ok? He knew he wasn’t the greatest guy in high school, that he’d hung around the crowd that had made their lives hell, but he wasn’t like that anymore, had never actually directly done anything to them anyway, couldn’t they give him a chance?
“Just, you never seem to want to hang out with them much, and I know they’re kinda different to what you might be used to, but they’re my friends and maybe you could put a little more effort in, that’s all.”
“Eddie, it’s not that -”
“Well what is it then?” Eddie snapped, hands gripping the edge of the bench.
“I…” I don’t know how to talk to them. I feel stupid around them. I think deep down they’re waiting for me to let you down.
“What?” Eddie demanded.
The words died in Steve’s throat. “…I don’t know. Doesn’t matter.”
“No, it doesn’t matter to you, does it?” Eddie pressed.
Steve turned away, his heart starting to pound as Eddie’s voice rose.
“You could at least pretend to be interested in some of the stuff I like, just for a little bit, you know? I gotta sit through you and Wayne watching every damn sport under the sun on the TV, the least you could do is try and get to know my friends a little -”
“Eds, please stop,” Steve whispered, his head tipping forward a little at his spot braced over the sink.
But Eddie’s voice kept coming, jabbing away at every weak spot, and all Steve could think about was his father, was the way Richard Harrington used to stand over him and scream until spit flew from his mouth.
“I dunno, maybe my friends aren’t good enough for you, is that it? Not good enough for King Steve -”
That did it.
Biting back tears, Steve turned around and shoved past Eddie, making a beeline for their bedroom. He ignored Eddie calling after him and slammed the door behind him. He knew Eddie could just barge on in after him, but hoped he’d take the damn hint and leave him alone for now.
Steve dragged the curtains shut. Sat down in the middle of their bed and drew his knees to his chest, tears flowing freely now. Clutched himself in the dark, rocking back and forth a little with his heart hammering away. He could almost hear his father over his shoulder, hissing at him to man the fuck up, stop fucking crying.
A soft knock sounded on the door.
“Stevie?” Eddie’s voice was quiet, cowed. “Can I come in?”
Steve didn’t reply, just shook his head even though Eddie couldn’t see it.
When he didn’t answer, Steve felt more than heard Eddie sigh on the other side of the door.
“Ok, I’m gonna leave you alone for a little bit. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”
Eddie’s footsteps shuffled slowly away. Steve was initially grateful for the privacy, but after a while his brain was still spiralling. He wasn’t good enough for Eddie, wasn’t good enough for his friends, he needed to put more effort in, and next time he should just listen to their damn music and try harder to learn about the game they loved so much, but the numbers just never made sense to him and he didn’t understand how they calculated everything so quickly without even needing to count on their fingers and fuck why was he so stupid, his father had been right –
The door clicked open. Eddie’s worried eyes sought him out in the dark.
“Oh, Stevie,” he breathed, then stepped inside. He hovered awkwardly next to the bed for a moment, before he asked, “Can I touch you?”
Steve nodded, because he needed Eddie to wrap his arms around him and keep him together, needed to be reminded that Eddie still wanted him.
Eddie sat beside him, looping an arm around Steve’s waist and guiding his head down to rest on his shoulder.
Steve buried his face in Eddie’s t shirt, wetting the cotton, but the smell of cigarettes and cheap shampoo and Eddie started to calm his heart rate a little.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out.
Eddie made a soft noise in his throat. “Sweetheart, don’t be. I’m sorry, I was an asshole.”
Steve sniffed as his breath hitched.
“I didn’t mean any of the shit I said. I’m…I’m tired, and I’m worried about Wayne being back on his own, and sometimes I worry that…that you don’t like the stuff I’m into, I worry that I’m just boring you with D&D and stuff, but you don’t have to like it, and I shouldn’t have said those things, shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“I like your friends,” Steve whispered, “Just…sometimes I feel stupid around them. Like…like you’re all really smart, and I can’t even add up a couple of dice in my head.”
“You’re not stupid, Steve,” Eddie murmured, lips brushing the side of his head.
“I kinda am, though. My dad…my dad always said I was, and maybe he was right.”
Eddie twisted around at that, cupped Steve’s cheeks so he could look at him. “No. Hey, look at me. You aren’t. So you struggle with numbers, so what? Lots of people do. And I mean, how many games do you know the rules for?”
Steve thought about that for a moment.
“Loads, right?” Eddie answered for him, “You know how many games I know how to play? One. And sometimes I get lost on a couple of rules still.”
“There’s a lot of rules,” Steve mumbled into Eddie’s shoulder. He felt him chuckle lightly below him.
“There are,” Eddie agreed, “But that’s not the point. You’re smart, Steve. You’re brilliant, ok? And I love you, and I’m fucking sorry for making you feel otherwise.”
“S’ok,” Steve murmured.
“It isn’t, but I’ll make it up to you.” Eddie wiped at Steve’s cheeks with his sleeve. “And to start, I’m going to cook us dinner, ok?”
Eddie gently tugged Steve to his feet, taking his hand to guide him back to the kitchen.
“Want me to help?” Steve asked, knowing that Eddie’s abilities in the kitchen were…limited.
“No. You’re going to sit and let me wait on you, big boy.”
“Maybe I could…give instructions?”
Eddie swatted him lightly on the ass, grin spreading across his face. “…maybe that would be for the best.”