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The rest of their time together goes smoothly, no bumps and no major roadblocks, but it leaves Blaine with a burning question, a fire that he can’t put out.
Kurt can’t really like him, can he?
The thing about all this is that it’s not brand new to him, Kurt’s not the first guy he’s been interested in and he can’t be the last, it’s just . . . it’s different. It’s different because he knows what he wants out of this and he knows he can’t have it, not forever. It’s different because Kurt is so different. So that’s why he doesn’t know what to do.
What comes next? Does he text Kurt now that he has his number or does he wait to say hi at school or do they just ignore each other because there’s nowhere else for this to go? Does he really want it to go anywhere?
Of course he does. When he lets his brain go quiet, when he lets the daydreams back in and just lets his imagination run as far as it can, it goes directly to Kurt.
It’s hilarious to even entertain the thought. He doesn’t get what he wants, so what’s the point in even trying? You fail anyways, you fail no matter what, so why risk it all when you could just sit back and sit out and not disappoint anything or anybody.
Except he’s never wanted anything or anybody as much as he wants Kurt.
He holds his phone and hovers his thumb around Kurt’s name, debating, thinking, and he can’t god he just - he can’t no matter how bad he wants to.
If only he were anywhere near as brave as Kurt is. It takes hardcore guts to wear what he does, to sing like no one’s watching but at the same time like everyone is watching, to be brave enough to talk to Blaine first when Blaine gave him every reason not to.
That takes a lot of courage, he realizes, because right now, his heart’s in his throat and he can’t.
Because there’s just no way Kurt could like him, not really. He’ll see Blaine for who he really is and start running, if he hasn’t already.
. . . but could he?
If Kurt does, for sure, if he likes him back as much as Blaine likes him . . .
He’s never tried for anything before.
He’s never wanted anything like this before.
He thinks he wants to try.
-
He wants to try, but he doesn’t even know where to start. What does Kurt think of him exactly? Did Blaine blow his chance when they went out for coffee?
He just needs -
An answer.
Rachel’s in his math class, and once the bell rings and everyone starts to leave, he decides just how he’s going to get it.
“Hey Rachel,” he says, tapping her on the shoulder before she gets to the door. “Got a second?”
Rachel turns to him, looking petrified, body rigid and eyes wide. “I don’t have any change. I only carry credit.”
Both his eyebrows go up as he asks, “What?”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“W-whatever. Just answer the question.”
She looks at him even weirder, and he can’t read the face she’s making as she says, slowly, “. . . you haven’t asked me anything.”
He can feel the exact second all the blood rushes to his head, entire face turning red, but he’s quick to play it cool, hopping backwards onto a desk, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Just wanted to see if you would answer it,” he mumbles, finding that no matter how hard he tries he can’t get his voice out clear.
Rachel’s face goes from curious to knowing in the blink of an eye. “Blaine, are you . . . nervous?”
“Nope,” he says plainly, but his hands are clenching and unclenching where they’re hidden in his pockets. “It’s just a question.”
That’s a lie.
“Whatever it is, I swear it’ll go to my grave with me. I promise.”
He gives her a look, eyelids lowering so he’s half-glaring at her.
“I’m not even gonna pretend to believe that.” He breathes, then sighs, sighs hard and loud and feels his whole body crumble with it. It’s just a question though, nothing life or death, just a question with an answer, so he steels his nerves and asks casually, “Does Kurt ever talk about me?”
She lights up, from her toes up to her eyebrows, jumping and pointing her finger at him while shouting, “You like Kurt!”
He’s quick to swat her hand away, more gentle than he usually is, and he feels embarrassment slap him across the face as he snaps, “I don’t like anybody! I just wanna know.”
Rachel turns away from him, like she’s lost in her own little world now, mumbling to herself, or maybe to him, “I mean, you’re not the most eligible bachelor, and Kurt deserves a prince charming, but then again he has been so lonely for so long now and -”
“Rachel!” he yells, and she quickly looks back to him. “Just - does he?”
Her mask of delight changes to one of absolute smugness, sitting wrong across her face. “Maybe.”
He groans and looks up at the ceiling, holding his breath while he thinks, and then he lets it out, looks down at her. “Alright, I’m gonna play along with your little game just this once. Say I do like him. What do I do about it?”
Rachel’s smile makes him want to kill himself in the fastest way possible. She pokes him, and - cooes at him or something, like he’s a little kid with a crush and she’s his mom. “It’s not rocket science, Blaine. You ask him out!”
“Yeah, but what if I can’t do that?”
She frowns for a second, but it quickly dissolves back into that maddening smile. “Well why can’t you?”
“‘Cause he could say no.” He regrets saying it as soon as it leaves his lips. “And I don’t even know how to ask, or what we’d even do.”
It doesn’t even matter what they’d do because he’d still suck ass at it, because he can’t hold a conversation for longer than two seconds, their coffee date proved that, and then Kurt will see him for who he really is and if he fails and loses Kurt from just trying -
“Whoever said Kurt would say no?” Rachel asks, frown back in place. “He likes you too, you know.”
He groans again, hands clenched so tight his fingernails cut into his skin. “I don’t like - he does?”
She nods and smiles, wicked and delighted and smug and awful, and gives him a little shrug before taking a step back. “The rest is all up to you.”
-
That didn’t help him at all, not really.
Truly, honestly, it didn’t.
So what if he’s walking a little bit faster, happier, so what if he just smiled at Finn as they passed each other in the hallway and so what if he smiles at every human being that walks by who cares?
He had hoped, as much as his heart had allowed him to hope, that Kurt really did, and that it wasn’t all in his head or in his dreams. Now that he has his answer it feels like he’s allowed to think up all that stuff, allowed to let his mind wander.
Allowed to try.
Kurt likes him.
Kurt likes him and now he feels like he could do literally anything in this stupid world, in this stupid school.
Except he hears Rachel’s voice in the back of his head, and it douses the fire in his heart a bit every time. Kurt deserves a prince charming.
He isn’t any prince, and he’s the furthest thing from charming.
But maybe he could try that, too.
-
So he decides he might really have to kill Rachel, because he doesn’t trust her in the slightest, but the day goes by and nobody whispers about him or looks at him weird, and he doesn’t hear any strange rumours about how he’s in deep passionate love with Kurt, or anything like that.
It makes the effort of trying a little easier, because the fear of failing isn’t as present. He thinks about what he’s going to say, how he’s going to say it, when and where and what.
Then it all becomes clear, and it all seems so easy.
He sees Kurt in the halls between classes, quickens his pace to catch up with him.
“Kurt,” he says in greeting, and turns to step backwards so he’s facing Kurt as they walk.
Kurt smiles at him, the kind of smile where he’s holding back. “Blaine.”
He’s not wearing his jacket so he can’t shove his hands anywhere, feeling a bit flustered that he can’t hide the way he usually does, but he shrugs it off and lifts his chin and simply says, “So.”
Kurt nods, like he’s trying to follow along, and repeats him. “So.”
“Coffee was nice,” he says, keeping his voice calm, neutral.
“That it was.”
“But it wasn’t a date.”
Kurt stops walking for a half second, face quickly darkening, eyebrows pinching together, but he seems to snap out of it and starts to walk faster. “I - no, it wasn’t.”
Having Kurt be the flustered-confused one makes it easier, so he turns back around and walks alongside Kurt, bumping his elbow against his, and it’s with his heart beating like a drum that he asks, “What would a date look like to you?”
Kurt completely stops walking, frozen to the spot. Blaine almost wants to pity him, because he’s never seen anyone look so confused or lost before in his life.
“I don’t know. I’ve never been on one,” Kurt eventually says, his entire face pulled into a deep frown.
But he doesn’t let up, it’s now or never, and he can’t quit, his stupid racing heart won’t let him.
“Okay,” he says, and he’s surprised his voice hasn’t sped up, hasn’t lost its strength. “If someone were to ask you, like right now, what would you want to do?”
Kurt laughs, like it’s a joke, waving his hand dismissively at Blaine before saying dramatically, “Dine on only the most expensive caviar and champagne, and then a horse-drawn carriage ride through the park -”
He thinks Blaine’s joking.
It still doesn’t stop his heart, beating mad with courage he’s never had before.
He shuts his eyes and shakes his head, cutting Kurt off with a wave of his hand. “No, like, something a mortal human being could do.”
Then Kurt’s expression melts off, away, and he’s left blank for a moment, until his smile sets in, knowing and delighted and uncontained as it spreads. “. . . are you - are you asking me out?”
“Nope, just gauging your idea of a date to see if I like it.”
Kurt narrows his eyes, then says slowly, “So I’m asking you out.”
“Sure.”
Kurt sighs, like his patience with Blaine is waning. “Does dinner sound appropriate to you? Or is that not for mortal human beings either?”
He makes a face, considering. “I guess. Not as fun as what I had in mind.”
“And what was that?”
It’s like he has to make up for everything he’s said so far, has to regain a piece of himself, like it’s biologically entwined in his DNA to find a way to screw things up.
“You and me and the backseat of my car,” he says, jokingly, eyebrows raising and wiggling a little.
Kurt just laughs, not phased in the slightest, and pushes past him while saying, “The idea of romance is lost on you.”
Shock and surprise and the purest form of relief shoot through his veins, because that didn’t screw things up. Those feelings fade fast though, because Kurt’s walking away, and everything in him is replaced with fear.
He’s quick to grab Kurt’s arm, fingers flexing and unflexing around him, struggling with how bad he wants him to stay and how much he knows he should just let him go.
“No, it isn’t,” he says, voice more panicked and low than he intended, more scared than he’ll ever admit. “Did you want to do that then? Go to dinner?”
Kurt turns around, eyes wide as they travel up from Blaine’s hand to Blaine’s eyes, and he licks over his lips, quiet as he says, “So you’re asking -”
“Yeah. So how about it?”
In reality it must be a half second before Kurt replies, but when Blaine’s been wanting and needing an answer ever since he met Kurt, it feels like a century.
Kurt says, a little breathless, eyes still wide and lost on Blaine’s face, “I’d love to.”