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Later, Steve and Bucky has Tony sandwiched between them in bed while the genius tried to catch up on the sleep he’d missed the night previously. They were both staring at Tony, almost afraid he’d go off and get hurt again the moment they take their eyes off of him.
There is silence for a while but once Bucky is sure that Tony is in deep sleep, he can’t hold his tongue any longer. He was always bad at that anyways. Bucky surprises Steve and himself by whispering out with a surprising amount of venom.
“I am so mad at you, Steve”
Steve closes his eyes in guilt, before whispering back even quieter, “I’m sorry Buck, I shouldn't have accused you like that. I should have known you wouldn’t-” but before he finishes, Bucky harshly cuts him off, gazing at Steve intensely.
“That's not what I'm upset about”
Between them, Tony stirs.
Bucky’s gaze immediately moves back to the smaller male, looking fond, yet sad.
“Let's talk outside,” Bucky tone is firm. No room for argument as he gently moves Tony’s upper body off of him and onto the bed.
Steve is almost about to argue, thinking it’s not a good time to leave Tony alone, but something in Bucky’s face tells him they needed to have this conversation now. For the first time in a long time, Steve gets the feeling that Bucky didn’t approve of his actions, and that was rare enough to already get his heckles up.
They both silently exit the bedroom. Closing the door behind them and even moving to the living room at the end of the hall so that Tony wouldn’t overhear them.
Once there, Bucky swivels around on his feet not even bothering to sit down before stating “I'm upset because you thought I was abusing Tony…” here Bucky pauses for a fortifying breath.
A bit confused, Steve starts re-iterating his previous apology “I know, and again I’m so so sorry about. I should have talked to you. I-“
But Bucky bulldozes past his apology and looks Steve straight in the eyes to say “and you didn't say anything for how long!?”
“you just sat on the suspicion instead of intervening!” Bucky’s voice starts picking up volume in his outrage.
“I just wanted to be sure” Steve defends, hands up with his palms out, placating.
“And what if I had been abusing him? how much more would he have had to suffer before you were sure?” Bucky accuses.
A bit thrown, Steve couldn’t help but throw back, “Is it really so bad that I didn't think you'd do such a thing?!”
“When it's at the cost of Tony 's safety, it is!” Bucky growls in response.
“Look Bucky I'm sorry. You're right I should have asked you about it sooner” Steve says back, apprehensive of Bucky’s sudden aggression and wanting the man to calm down. What he was saying didn’t seem to be doing the trick though.
“Steve. you DUMMY. You'd don't talk to the abuser. You talk to the one being abused? And YES, you're right, you SHOULD have asked Tony as soon as you thought anything was happening!” Bucky starts to pull on his hair in agitation and normally Steve would try to go sooth Bucky but the surprise of what Bucky’s saying throws him for such a loop, he doesn’t take action.
“It's shit like THIS Steve that makes him think we care about him less!” Bucky’s accusation hits Steve right in the chest but his next sentence hits even harder. “Shit! It's shit like this that makes ME think you don't care about him as much as me!”
While Steve is still trying to recover from that statement, Bucky continues while he starts to pace.
“Fuck! Stevie we've been through thick and thin - I completely understand why Tony would be insecure about dating us, but when we decided to make a move. When we ‘fell in love with him’ I thought we were on the same page! That we needed to protect him because lord knows, he won't protect himself. We were supposed to make him feel included and not like anything less but now I'm feeling like I gotta do that all on my own!”
Steve finally recovers enough to defend back “Look Bucky, don’t you think you're overreacting? It's not that I treat Tony as less. I just really didn't think you'd do such a thing. Is that so terrible?”
Bucky swirls back to face him. “You aren't getting it Steve. What if Tony and I were reversed in this situation, huh? What if you thought he was abusing me? Would you have intervened sooner?”
That actually makes Steve pause. “....”
“That's what I thought!” Bucky shoots back.
“Bucky, just stop being so abrasive for 1 sec and listen okay? I just ….” There’s another pause where Steve’s expression betrays his frustration. “ I never thought about it in reverse okay? But you're right, I would have intervened sooner but …… I…. the reverse situation isn’t the same Bucky”
“Why the fuck isn't it Rogers?!” Bucky snarls back.
“You....” Steve hesitates, “.... well this is going to come out sounding bad”
Bucky raises an eyebrow
Steve sighs realizing he’s going to have to answer one way or the other. “You're right, I would have intervened sooner if it was the other way around but only because…..”
“By the logic you were going for earlier, did you think he was more likely to be abusive?” Bucky shoots back when Steve wasn’t forthcoming in his response
“What?! No!?” Steve is mortified at the thought
“Then what is it?!” Bucky stares him down.
Steve takes another fortifying breath, “I would have intervened sooner, if the situation was reversed because I think you're more vulnerable, okay?....”
“What the fuck!” and just like that Bucky is more riled up than ever.
“No, Bucky, just listen! You went through a lot of trauma. You're in a different time period then when you grew up. You don't have the money or the resources or social support that Tony does. I just think there's a power difference there, if the situation was reverse.” Steve finishes obviously feeling guilty for admitting it out loud.
Steve had actually expected Bucky to deflate a bit at his response, but it only seems to add fuel to the flame.
“What the Fuck! Don't fucking patronize me, Rogers! I'm not an invalid-”
“No Bucky, of course not! That’s not what I’m saying-”
“I'm not too traumatized to know a bad touch. I've arguably integrated into this century better then you have and I have other friends, a support group, a therapist. -”
“No, Bucky. I'm not implying that your weak. Just that you may need a bit more protection than Tony-”
“Oh my god, GO FUCK YOURSELF ROGERS! How can you not see the flaw in your own logic?!” Bucky cuts him off. Eyes blazing. Causing Steve to snap his mouth shut for once.
“You can make a laundry list of my vulnerability, but we can make one for you too. What about Tony’s vulnerabilities huh? Why didn't you think of those?!” Bucky sees the look on Steve’s face and gets the impression that he’s actually getting through to Steve on some level, so he keeps going.
“What about the fact that he was added to the two of us so he always feels like a tack on despite everything? What about how everyone he's trusted has betrayed him so much that he's come to accept it? He always expects to be treated as less, as second place? Or expects to be used? What about the fact that he's just physically weaker than us, Steve? That if we decided to get physical and he wasn't in the suit, then we'd easily overpower him?”
“I....I didn't think ..” Steve stutters out
“No you fuckin’ didn't! Look, you want to know what I think is happening here? We're been together our whole lives and your first automatic default response is always to protect me. And I love you for that Stevie, I do, but it's not just the 2 of us anymore, so you can’t keep thinking that way. You need to start consciously catching yourself when you have those automatic reactions.”
Steve looks pretty stricken but Bucky wasn’t done.
“God! I can't believe you. You know the sacrifice play is his signature move. When he cares about someone, truly cares for them, Tony would give up an arm and a leg to make them happy without any regard for himself. I know you know that. It’s one of the reasons we love him but compounded by the fact that he’s insecure in our relationship. How can you ever expect that he’d say anything if he was getting the short end of the stick?”
“Of the 3 of us, even if he has a hard time admitting it, we know he's the most vulnerable. Needs the most protection. How can you do that to him? Even now he's not the one defending himself. If I wasn't in your face about this then no one would have even called you out on this bullshit!”
Bucky looks to see the self-mortified expression on Steve’s face and deflates a bit.
“Steve, you need to admit it to yourself first, even if it wasn't a conscious decision. That putting me ahead of him is exactly what you did. At least initially. Recognizing it is the first step towards fixing it and preventing it from happening again.”
Steve sinks down to sit on the couch, face in his hands. “You're right and I didn't realize. Didn’t want to realize until you explained that I was playing favourites or falling into old behaviour patterns but you're right.”
When nothing else comes in response from Steve, Bucky nudges him, “You do want to fix it don't you? Because I don't think I'm comfortable having Tony continue to date you if this might happen again Steve” Bucky puts it out there in all seriousness. Giving Steve an assessing look.
That gets Steve’s attention, and he snaps his eye up to look at Bucky head on despite the guilt. “Of course, I do want to fix it. You’re right. It's not just us two anymore. It wasn't conscious but I never want anything like this to happen again. The imbalance isn't fair to Tony”
Face still stricken and eyes getting wet, Steve looks at Bucky and says, “I love him. I love him so much Buck. I don't ever want to wrong him but I manage to anyways. God and I didn’t even realize it. He is probably feeling exactly what you’re describing but he’ll never say anything or call me on it.”
“What am I going to do Buck. I’ve already spoken with my actions. I’m never going to get Tony to trust that I’ll be fair to him after this.”
Bucky feels the sincerity of Steve’s words and feels that Steve understands what went wrong. Now assured that he still has Stevie on his side for doing best by Tony, Bucky starts switching tactics to comforting the man.
Taking a seat on the couch and putting an arm over his shoulders, Bucky assures, “Hey, you know Tony. I don’t think he’s upset or thinks that you’ve wronged him at all. I think he’s honestly touched that you’d defend him from me. I mean, give yourself some credit, you definitely could have been worse. Even if it took you some time. You eventually stepped up to Tony’s defence against me. I’m at least reassured that if I ever did do anything to hurt Tony, you’d be willing to kick my ass in his name. Just like I’d do the same if our roles were reversed.”
Steve gets teary again in response, “That’s only because he’s use to not being the top priority. He’ll only ever be amazed that I’d ever pick him over you instead of seeing the unfairness of it. That doesn’t make what I did okay.
Bucky sighed, “It doesn’t. But you’ve recognized the problem, and that’s why there’s 2 of us so that if anything like this happens again, one of us will catch it. Don’t be too upset, if you act all guilty it’ll probably just make Tony freak out that he caused an issue between the two of us. So you better get yourself collected.” Bucky bumps him in the shoulder good naturedly. Feeling much better now that everything is out in the open and addressed. He also knows that this is the best approach to getting Steve to start treating Tony well again instead of just trying to make it up to him in guilt, which would probably give Tony a panic attack.
“I know how it feels like all we do is mess things up worse for him, but I know we make him happy. It's okay Stevie, we're a team. We'll keep pushing the other to do right by Tony. It feels like sometime we'll never get to being as good to him as he deserves but I know Tony thinks we’re good enough to deserve him and that’s enough”
“Bucky” Steve mock laughs, “I'm always saying I'll be your rock but honestly don't know what I'd do without you someday.”
“I know the feeling Stevie, but we're all here for each other. No one needs to bear the burden alone” Bucky rubs Steve’s shoulder in comfort once more.
“Now any chance you can give me a recording of you saving I was right? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say it so many times in a conversation and I doubt I’ll hear it again any time soon” Bucky teases to lighten the mood.
“Jerk,” Steve gives him a smile. “Thank you for catching it Bucky. God how is it that you’re the most emotionally stable and mature of the 3 of us?” Steve teases, feeling much better and more stable already.
Bucky smiles back, “I told you. It’s because I have a therapist. Maybe you should get one too.”
“Plus, one of the advantages of knowing you so well is seeing though your BS. You'd do the same to me right? calling me out”
“Well you do need to start picking up your wet towels” Steve shoots back playfully.
“Ph God, not this again!” Bucky drops his head over the back of the couch dramatically.
“I'm telling you, what if Tony slips and falls? He’ll be pretty mad, I’m sure I’ll be back to being the favourite again in no time.” Steve rags on him.
“Bring it on, Rogers” Bucky snarks back as they both stand to head back to join Tony in bed before the man wakes up.