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Only a week has passed since they returned to Monaco, after Max’s horrible crash.
After initial scare of him not waking up, they got the happy end, as happy as it could be with such serious injury. The tests results were good, there was no extensive brain damage, but there were some additional side effects. Headaches, balance problems and involuntary muscle contractions, caused by the disrupted transmission of signals from the brain to the muscles. Doctor assured them all of it should be temporary and should be overcome in the following month or two with proper exercises and physical therapy.
Max was naturally overwhelmed and irritated, and has vented a lot of his frustrations on Charles, who took everything and stayed a solid support for his hurting boyfriend. Max also apologized every time he lost his temper and somehow through it all they became even closer than they were before. Another hard test for their relationship which they passed confidently.
They settled down, Charles taking over all the chores, organizing their daily routine and Max’s exercising regime. It was important to keep exercises regular and Charles memorized them all before they even arrived home.
Max was eternally grateful for such amazing boyfriend, but also continued being frustrated with his fucking body and feeling guilty for making Charles put his life on hold.
They were sitting on the couch, just cuddling together after lunch when Max spoke. “So I guess you are going back for the next… competition. You lost enough time”. His aphasia was getting better, but occasionally he still could not recall some words.
Charles sighed, “You mean race?”, the agreement was that Charles would always give him the word he was missing, it helped train his brain to remember. Max nodded slightly so Charles continued in slightly annoyed voice, “No Max, of course I am not. You are still not well and I am staying with you until you are fully recovered”.
Max felt the usual unease and heat rising inside of him, his voice getting harsher than he wanted as he replied, “I am well enough, you cannot miss another race, you will totally ruin any chance of winning the championship. I can take care of myself, I have doctors and physical therapy guy. I am not letting you waste any more time!”. His face flushed a bit red, sign he was agitated.
Charles’ first impulse was to pull him into a hug, but he hold back. He tried to remain calm, he knew it was frustration talking, but he was also hurt by the harshness and his fucking stubbornness, “You think staying with a man I love most in this world is wasting my time? Well thanks cherie, I am so happy you appreciate it! You are still in pain, cannot walk straight to the next room. Fuck, you almost fell yesterday because you, once again, didn’t want to use the fucking cane. So, no I don’t see how you would be capable of taking care of yourself!” His own frustrations had to come out eventually and this was obviously the moment.
There was pain but also surprise on Max’s face, so Charles reached for his hand, squeezing it gently and continued in softer voice, “Sorry Max, but you have to face it, you are not well enough yet. You are getting better, but you still need help and I am happy to give it. If situation was reversed would you not do it for me?” He gently cupped his face with his hand and caressed his cheek.
Max knew Charles was right, he maybe needed to hear it straight to his face, but he was still feeling guilty. Charles finally had a good start to the season and now he was keeping him away from finally reaching his dream. He had to try once more, he said more calmly, “Of course I appreciate it schatje, but I also feel guilty. And yes I would do the same for you, but you have more to lose. I won enough, and this year you finally had a good start and then this… And I can ask my mom to come and stay with me and my… my… Victoria. Because you must race and win and not be my… hospital person”.
Charles was torn, there was more, but he wasn’t sure if should say it, burden Max with his shit, like he didn’t have enough of his own. So he started lightly, “But I like being your sexy nurse”, Max smiled fully at that, his eyes turning more unbelievable shade of blue, as they always did when he was happy. “There is something else… Please understand the main reason will always be that I want to stay with you and help you because I love you, and I will never be able to be somewhere else while you are hurting. But, that other thing… I never really talked about it because I didn’t want to burden you and it was not important… but I… pushing you of track, watching you hit that wall, not moving… it was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced…”
Max cut him off, “Charlie, you didn’t push me off track, it wasn’t your fault, how many times I have to tell you…”
Charles continued firmly, “I did, and it was, well, actually it was Ferrari’s fault, Carlos told me, he felt bad so he confessed, they had internal investigation, there was something a bit off with steering… all that together, Max I… I can’t go back into that car ever again… maybe any car… if you died there on the track I think I would have drove my car in the nearest wall…”. Last words were whispered, his voice trembling. Saying it out loud made him fully aware of it all.
Max felt his heart break, he just pulled Charles into his embrace, not caring about his bruised body protesting it. He held him tightly, kissing his hair and his face softly, whispering to him, “I am so sorry baby, for not realizing your pain, for being so fucking selfish. I love you so much Charlie, I would never recover from this so fast without you. And please never feel you cannot talk to me, you are never a burden. Okay? It works both… sides””.
Charles trembled and then he cried, letting finally out all the pent up feelings. Allowing himself to be comforted, and to show his vulnerability, because they were both hurt, and this was Max, the person he trusted most in the world. The boy from karting that was always somehow there in his life, growing up together, sharing a life, hopes and dreams, loving each other before they even realized it. And they should just stop being two idiots, another thing they shared many times in their past.
Charles calmed down slowly, and then he felt something soft and warm climbing in his lap. The cats jumped on the couch, feeling their distress, always ready to cuddle their stupid humans when they needed it. Charles whispered back, “I love you so much too, mon coeur”. Then he pulled back from Max’s arms and petted the cat that has just made herself comfortable in his lap “Hey Sassy, you sweet girl”.
Max smiled, his eyes twinkling, he absolutely loved how fast Charles made friends with cats, or better said how fast the cats have adopted him. He scratched under Jimmy’s chin and said softly, “We will figure it out together, like we always do.” He put his arm around Charles and pulled him closer. Kissing his temple gently as he leaned his head on his shoulder. They would talk more later, this was enough for now, enjoying each other’s closeness, their bodies warmth soothing them, their hearts beating together.
One month later
Max was pouting, “I don’t need the freaking cane Charles, they live just around the corner!”
Charles was relentless, “Yes, but you just started walking outside the apartment more and I cannot hold your hand and support you because I have to carry the present. And I don’t want you to fall and injure yourself just after you are finally getting fully healed. So please can you do it for me? And you look kinda hot with that fancy cane anyway”. His face was a mixture of his absolute best puppy dog eyes and pissed off frowning, and of course Max was unable to resist him, he never could. He lost that battle many years ago, to be honest.
“Fine mom”, Max grabbed the cane and went to the door.
Charles smiled, but also felt relieved, he couldn’t let go of his worry for Max. Everything was going well with his recovery and he would not risk any complications. He took the large pot with colorful ficus from the counter and walked to the door that Max has opened for him. Max closed and locked the door behind them and they walked out into a sunny Monaco day.
Their friends just moved in together recently and they were finally going to have lunch together to mark the occasion and catch up. Being professional athletes with busy schedules didn’t give them too many opportunities to socialize.
Soon they were in another apartment building greeted by a doorman and led to the elevators. They exited on the top floor and before they could knock at the appropriate apartment’s door, it was opened and they were greeted by a smiling Casper.
“Hey, finally, come in, come in. Is that you Charles?”, Casper giggled, because his head was barely visible behind a large ficus. “Here, let me take it”. Casper took the plant and put it on the dresser. “Hey Max”. They all hugged and then proceeded into the apartment.
Casper said, “It really looks nice, and it will add some life to the place. I can’t believe you remembered we talked about it”.
Charles smiled, “Oh you know me, I am perfect. I will tell you later all about how to properly care for it, it is really low maintenance”.
As they entered the large living area that extended into the kitchen, Max spoke, “I see you are keeping your better half chained to the stove”.
They all laughed, and Matteo replied, “Ciao ragazzi, well I have to earn my keep!”
Casper led them to the large couch, “Please sit down, he is just putting some finishing touches on the food. Red wine? And no Max we don’t have Red Bull!”
Max made a shocked face, “You wound me, I am not a savage, of course I would have a glass of your posh Italian red wine!”
“I heard that!”, Matteo shouted from the kitchen and Charles sighed dramatically, “Mon amour, your blood is probably 80% Red Bull”.
Soon Matteo joined them and the light banter continued, interspersed with little updates of how they’ve been. Matteo and Charles were friends for a while. They met at the tennis club several years ago and just clicked immediately. Max and Casper joined in as their significant others. They all got along very well and liked socializing for a change outside their respective sports’ narrow world.
Soon Matteo announced the lunch is ready and they moved to the dining area. Matteo put a big bowl of steaming past in the middle of the table and announced dramatically, “Spaghetti with special sauce alla Matteo”. It was his famous tomato sauce enriched with chunks of homemade spicy sausages sent by his nonna.
Max snorted good-naturedly, “This is what we get for a special lunch date, pasta with tomato sauce?”
Casper was fast to defend his boyfriend’s honour, “This is the best tomato sauce you will ever try in your entire life!” He smiled fully, flashing his cute dimples.
Charles added, “Cheri, your life will not be the same after you try it”.
Max of course knew Matteo was an excellent cook, he looked forward to their dinners and lunches as much for the food as for the company, but after he took the first bite of the pasta he felt overwhelmed and actually kinda moaned. Simple pasta with tomato sauce had no right being this good. “Oh my fucking God, this is unbelievable Matteo, I don’t believe you never served us this before. I want to take this pasta home and never let it go”.
Charles almost chocked on his food he laughed so hard, “That’s my Maxie, always so passionate about things he likes! But really mate, today it is extra good. Did you do something new with it?”
Matteo smiled broadly, “Chef never reveals his secrets, mon ami”.
Casper winked at Max, “And you thought his carbonara was ‘the best you can produce, nothing will top it ever’”.
“I was obviously very wrong. Casper, this guy is a keeper!”, Max replied.
Casper blushed ever so slightly, “For so many reasons. But I am afraid how fat I will get once we retire”.
Matteo gently squeezed his hand, “Oh, don’t worry, I will love you even if you become a plump little ghostie. And anyway amore, we will increase other physical activities, to stay fit”.
Charles and Max said it practically together, “Ewwww, we are eating here”.
The rest of the meal went by mostly in silent enjoyment of food. As they were finishing and going through the second bottle of wine, Charles asked, “So, how are you feeling living together, not hating each other yet?”, he smiled mischievously.
Casper sighed, “He has significantly improved on his untidiness, but since he provides such top food and sexual services, I took more cleaning on myself”.
Matteo smiled warmly at Casper and Charles laughed, “Mate, you have totally corrupted him, where is the sweet guy we all knew and loved?”
Matteo added, “Seriously though, we love it. It just gives us more time together, with our schedules every additional moment counts, even if it is just eating breakfast together or watching a movie until we fall asleep”. He reached for Casper’s hand and held it gently.
Max and Charles just smiled tenderly, they knew exactly what he was talking about. Max felt some tightness in his throat so he coughed a little before saying, “Yeah, quiet moments at home are our favorites too. So, you plan to make it your permanent home?”
Matteo replied, “Well no, I think after we retire we will go to some real place…”
Charles’ shocked exclamation of, “What do you mean, my home country is a real place!” was accompanied by Casper kicking Matteo’s leg under the table.
Matteo winced, “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant we would probably buy a place back home in Italy and definitely a little house in Norway, near the fjords. It’s amazing, you guys have to visit!”
Max nodded, “I know what you mean, home is home, Monaco for most of us is just a place connected to our careers. But of course for Charlie it is also home, so with time it has become a true home for me too”.
Charles kissed him on the cheek, “Thanks cherie, although I must say most of that home feel comes from my maman’s incredible affection for him. I swear, the woman loves him more than me!”
Max said affectionately, “What’s not to love, schatje?”
Matteo actually picked up on it, “Dio, same here! And is the food one of the things? Like all of the sudden mamma and nonna never cook any of my favorite things anymore, but only Casper’s”.
Charles nodded vigorously, “Exactly! Because he is the sweet boy, far from home and we should make him feel good”. He mimicked his mother’s voice, smirking at Max.
Their boyfriends rolled their eyes and then Casper suggested moving to the balcony to have some more wine and later some dessert. Max and Matteo insisted they will clear the table and get the dessert ready.
Charles and Casper were sipping wine and enjoying warmth of the afternoon sun. After few moments of comfortable silence, Casper asked softly, “How is Max?”
Charles sighed and looked at Casper with slightly concerned face, “He is doing well, I mean the physical therapy is really progressing great and most of brain injury aftereffects are gone or significantly reduced… but I guess the future is still uncertain. And it is so difficult for him, also that he had to be taken care off… He has accepted it, but I think he still feels like he imposes on my life…”
Casper nodded, “Same with Matteo, this latest injury was so stubborn, he couldn’t get a break from it, it kept coming back… he was so frustrated but I think the worst was his feeling of uselessness and that he is holding me back and ruining my life. I think it was our most serious fight, but I refused to leave him and skipped some tournaments, because he was in a really dark place… there were moments I really got scared…”
“Yeah, there was no way I would leave Max so sick still and go race… There was also the horror of going back into that car… I still cannot completely get over the fact that I caused his accident and my fucking team who didn’t look at the car properly…”, Charles finished in a soft voice.
Casper smiled gently, some melancholy sipping into his voice, “Our sweet, strong boys. It will always be hard for them to appear weak, to feel they are not the protectors of those they love so fiercely. Our biggest fans. But that’s a part of the reason we love them. And showing them just how much, I think it’s the best feeling I ever had”.
Charles agreed, “Oh you are so right! Good part of my life revolved around racing and winning and that damn Ferrari dream, but in one single moment, looking at Max in that hospital bed it was all turned upside down. I would have given every win for him to be well, I would leave racing tomorrow to retire with him… to make him happy…”
“I actually suggested it, retiring together now, because his injuries were just too much. We shouted at each other and then we cried together and then we agreed, he will make one more try and then we will see. His trainings are going well for now, and I really hope it will work out this time. But you know if it doesn’t I know I will never leave him or let him go. You two have any plans? I guess he is not coming back this season?”, Casper replied.
Charles said softly, “Yeah, he finally accepted it, I mean he is not stupid, he just needed to process it all… He is not coming back this season, but he would like to do it next. The problem is you never know with traumatic brain injury, some side effect could apparently show up even years later, so I am scared what if it happens while he is driving 200 km/h? For now we agreed he will do thorough checks and we will discuss it further, no need for decision any time soon. I had a lot of thinking to do too, in the end I realized I cannot go back to Ferrari, something just broke inside me. Red Bull offered me to fill Max’s seat until the end of the season and I accepted. After that I am actually not sure…”
Casper replied reassuringly, “You still have some time to decide, maybe as you go back some things would become more clear. I guess Max will come with you to the races?”
Charles smiled, there was the familiar affection in his voice as he replied, “Oh yes, he can’t wait to be at least around it and endlessly analyze my every move. Honestly, that’s the part I am looking forward the most, it would not be right if he wasn’t there in some way… I hope it will be good for him to go out finally, see all the guys again, feel the adrenaline rush of a live race, even if just as a spectator…”.
Casper smiled back, “Well he is your biggest fan! I am happy for you. And you know if you ever need to talk about a crazy boyfriend, just call me, anytime”.
Charles was surprised by the fondness that washed over him, Casper was just the sweetest person ever, he cleared his throat before replying, “I think I will take you up on that offer. Same goes for you of course. And you still have to teach me how to play golf ‘properly’, don’t think I forgot that!”
Casper laughed, “Anytime, just send me the time and place”.
Suddenly they heard noises coming closer and then Max and Matteo were stepping on the balcony. Max was holding another bottle of wine and Matteo had a tray with dessert.
“Hey you princesses, could you give your hard working boyfriends a hand?”, Matteo teased.
Max added, “If you finished gossiping?”
Casper replied, “We were actually discussing founding a support group for dealing with you two!” He helped Matteo set the dessert plates on the balcony table.
“Tiramisu! Oh mate I love you. It is of course made by you?”, asked Charles, looking lovingly at Matteo.
Matteo feigned a shocked face, “Of course it is homemade, by me!”
Max rolled his eyes, “You are so easy liefje, all gone for a tiramisu!”
Everyone laughed as they sat down and dig into the most exquisite tiramisu they have ever tasted.