Work Text:
Dear Alison,
I recently had an encounter with the family member of a coworker and I just can't get it out of my head. I was visiting my brother, who is recovering from a serious health scare, and… well, there's a whole family history there that I won't get into, but we weren't brought up together and we aren't close. He once did me an incredibly big favor, but since then we can't seem to get past the point of being very formal around each other. And did I mention that my brother runs the whole global enterprise I work for, so he's technically my boss, too? Anyway, the coworker's family member was in the room during the visit with my brother and she couldn't help but witness it. I don't blame her for that... there was really no way for her to bow out gracefully. Later that evening, I ran into her while I was out for a walk and she confronted me about what she'd seen and heard. Don't get me wrong, she was very, very nice about it, but she made it clear that my brother deserved more than our distant relationship.
To complicate things further, her brother, who is my actual coworker, is my brother's closest associate, second in command, best friend (or possibly more – sometimes they seem like two halves of the same person), and very, very high up in the company. When I went to speak to him confidentially about my encounter with his sister, he understood completely that she had overstepped by talking to me, but it was very obvious that he agreed with her.
Alison, I don't know what to do! On the one hand, she was absolutely not following protocol by approaching me, and proper etiquette is important to me. I'd be within my rights to take serious offense. On the other, I wonder if she's right and I should make more of an effort to reach out to my brother. He nearly died, so really… what am I waiting for? Not to mention I'm beginning to suspect that her brother is going to end up as my brother-in-law eventually.
So, do I turn her in to corporate rules enforcement or do I invite her out for dinner and drinks so we can talk about our brothers and how to deal with them?
signed - if I'm a good employee, am I a bad sister?
From what I can tell in your letter, your brother's associate's sister is not actually an employee, and therefore not required to follow corporate rules, and while it may be a breach in etiquette, she might not be familiar with the etiquette at your company, so it probably was not meant as a slight to you. It sounds like you would like to have dinner and drinks with her, and I see no issue in you doing so. Invite her for drinks. Talk about your brothers. If you'd like to be closer with your brother maybe she has some insight into how you can go about doing that. I hope the you and your brother can become closer, and congratulations in advance on your brother's upcoming nuptials!