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With a soft sigh, Rei settled down on a park bench, book in hand. It was a decent spring afternoon, and he should be home, but everything had felt so suffocating , he just needed to get away for a while, to take a breather and then return with a clear mind.
The sounds of other children playing served as background noise as Rei opened up his book, one that surely seemed far too advanced for a kid his age to be reading. Alas, endless nights of having nothing else as entertainment turned into nights spent reading, absorbing any knowledge he could come across.
He should be spending time with other kids his age. He should be running around with them, kicking a ball around, doing simple, meaningless things like that. But life was cruel and unjust, deciding that an eight year old should be burdened with the weight of the world, burdened with so many expectations of him, expectations of doing the right thing. Of being perfect, flawless, incapable of making mistakes.
How easy it was, to get so trapped in those thoughts, in the crushing feeling of knowing nothing he could do would ever be good enough . Rei didn’t process anything about his surroundings, not until he was dragged out of his thoughts by the feeling of something hitting his foot. Blinking, he focused his attention on what was going on, noticing that the something was a ball that had gotten kicked over to him.
Setting his book down beside him, Rei leaned down to pick up the ball, seemingly inspecting it, just as the sound of running footsteps got closer, louder. Rei looked up just in time to be met with the sight of a boy, someone who couldn’t have been any older than six, if Rei had to take a guess, running over to him.
Messy gray hair, golden eyes, slightly tanned skin. Scrapes on his knees, dirt on his clothes, a bandaid on his cheek. In comparison, Rei looked like a ghost, inhuman.
“Sorry about that,” the boy spoke, grabbing all of Rei’s attention again. He noticed how the boy was holding his hand out, reaching for the ball. Realizing this boy was the owner of the ball, or at least one of the ones who had been playing with it, Rei handed it over quite easily.
“I don’t think I’ve seen you around before,” the boy continued on even after he had taken the ball back. Strange. Did he want something else from Rei? “Are you new here?”
Rei couldn’t help the way he laughed at such a question, followed by him shaking his head. “No, far from it. I just don’t come to this park often.”
The boy tilted his head, seemingly in confusion as he stared at Rei, before his gaze drifted to the book beside him. Curious about it, he stepped closer to read the title, only to back away and scrunch up his nose. “There’s no way you’re able to read that! Mama says those are adult books, and there’s no way you’re that much older than me!”
Raising an eyebrow, Rei picked up the book, opening it up to where he had left off. Then, to prove a point, he began reading a passage from it. “ And there she stood, enraptured by the sight of the setting sun peeking out from the horizon, casting everything in a golden, ethereal glow. And she- ”
“You’re making my head hurt!” The boy whined, cutting Rei off, having set the ball down to clutch at his head. “How can you read all of that so easily?!”
Such a reaction earned a warm chuckle from Rei as he closed the book, setting it aside again. “I spend a lot of time reading, it just comes naturally to me.” He decided against telling the boy the reasoning, the fact that his nights were longer than most, that he filled those lonely hours with burying himself into piles upon piles of books, because at least in those, he was safe.
The boy huffed, picking up his ball and staring at Rei. “Well, maybe you should do something other than reading for once! You should come join me, it’ll be a lot of fun.”
Was he… being invited to play with this kid? Huh. That was a first.
“I don’t know you,” Rei pointed out, studying the boy in front of him. “For all I know, this could be a trick. How am I supposed to trust this isn’t some elaborate plan to kidnap me?”
The boy gained an obvious look of confusion before he shook his head, adjusting his hold on the ball to stab his thumb against his chest, looking all confident. “The name’s Koga! Oogami Koga! Don’t forget it!”
Koga. Rei found himself repeating that name in his head a couple times, giving a soft hum. In return, he figured it would only be fair to offer his own name. “You can call me Rei.” No last name. Rei didn’t want to run the risk of his family name being known and scaring off what could be a potential friend.
Koga didn’t seem to care too much about whether a last name was given or not. Instead, his next course of action was reaching out and grabbing Rei’s hand, tugging him off of the bench. “C’mon, let’s go play! No use being at a park if all you do is read the entire time!”
Rei couldn’t even find a chance to protest against this before he was being tugged over to where Koga had been playing around with the ball, before he had ended up kicking it over to the bench on accident. He found a part of him didn’t even want to protest, that he was alright with this, with being dragged into playing around with Koga.
It seemed like a dream, the way it became more common. Whenever Rei visited the park, Koga was usually there, and he would light up the moment he spotted Rei, dropping whatever he was doing to go greet him. Rei had once compared him to an excited puppy, which had Koga quickly disagreeing, insisting he was more akin to a wolf than some puppy.
Each night after Rei returned home, he would tell Ritsu stories of the warm boy who made him feel as if he belonged, with eyes like the sun and a voice that was unforgettable.
Even on days when Rei’s health wasn’t the best, he still tried to meet with Koga. He’d bring along his parasol to shield himself from the sun, heading to the park and settling himself under a tree, watching and waiting until he saw the familiar sight of Koga running up to him. He’d swallow down the guilt of telling Koga he couldn’t play today, before following it with a request of them sitting together under the tree.
Those moments lead to Rei finding out about how Koga was quite good at card games. He started bringing along various different cards whenever they met up, as a just in case for when Rei wasn’t feeling well, that way they could still play something together.
It was a gesture that seemed so small, so meaningless, and yet it meant everything to Rei. It was small details such as that, along with the way Koga had started bringing along juice for them both, that drew Rei closer to him, to his warmth, to the fact that he was so undeniably human .
He didn’t shy away from Rei, didn’t treat him as if he was some all knowing god. He treated Rei as if he were simply just another kid. He didn’t demand Rei to fix his problems, didn’t demand for Rei to give him all the knowledge in the world. Instead, all he asked of Rei was for his company. They could sit in silence together under a tree, doing their own thing, and that would be good enough for Koga.
It was different, new. Made Rei feel, for even just a few moments, as though he too were human. Like he really was just a lost kid seeking companionship.
~
“You should come over for dinner.”
The statement caught Rei quite off guard and he looked up from the puzzle he was doing with Koga. They were currently at the Sakuma house, sitting across from each other at the dining table. Rei had invited Koga over, as he had wanted to spend time with him but hadn’t been doing well enough physically to justify going to the park. It had also doubled as a way for Koga to get to meet Ritsu, although Ritsu was currently taking a nap, not wishing to disturb them.
“I… pardon?” Rei frowned, not sure if he had heard Koga correctly. He was being invited to Koga’s house? Is that what this was?
Koga hummed, sticking his tongue out a little as he reached across the table to set a puzzle piece down in its correct spot, settling back in his seat afterwards. “You should come over for dinner,” he repeated himself, lifting his gaze to look back at Rei, “Mama has been wanting to meet you, so she told me to ask you to have dinner with us.”
There was a moment of silence as Rei thought about the idea, contemplated if it was something he’d be up for. He couldn’t recall the last time he had dinner with anyone other than Ritsu, when the dining table was last used as an actual dining table instead of just as a place to sit for games. Would it truly be alright for him to join the Oogamis for dinner?
“What about Ritsu?” Rei found himself asking before he could stop himself, before he could think to say anything else. Always putting Ritsu as a priority, even over himself.
“He can come too if he wants.” Koga shrugged, setting another puzzle piece down, making sure it connected as it was supposed to. “I’m sure Mama wouldn’t mind. I think she’d be delighted to meet him too.”
Taking in a deep breath, Rei eventually settled on agreeing to the idea. What was the worst that could happen? Sure, he had yet to meet Koga’s parents, but… surely it couldn’t be too horrible of an experience.
A couple hours passed by, with Rei and Koga finding different activities together while they waited for Koga’s parents to come pick them up. They got the puzzle finished and decided to keep it displayed on the table for now. They moved on to sit on the couch together instead, with Koga taking out a new card game he had brought along with him. They spent the rest of the time figuring out the rules for the game, along with playing a couple rounds of it, all until there was a knock at the door.
Rei looked up from his cards when hearing the knock, setting them down on the couch and getting up to go check. He checked the window by the door first, just to see who was there, giving a quiet hum when seeing a woman standing there, one he’s briefly seen before when Koga would get picked up from the park. It was easy to connect the dots, that this was Koga’s mother.
“Koga, they’re here,” Rei called out, looking back over at Koga, watching as he gave a soft ‘oh!’ and worked quickly to put the game away. It was quite amusing to watch, although Rei told himself he couldn’t just stand there and watch Koga, so he turned his attention back to the door. He rested his hand on the doorknob, taking in a deep breath and telling himself it was okay, that it was just Koga’s mother, it wasn’t anything to worry about.
…Except for the very fact that it being Koga’s mother was the entire reason Rei felt anxious about opening the door to begin with. To greet her, make his presence further known to her outside of whatever Koga had talked to her about before.
It’ll be okay. Nothing will go wrong with this.
Unlocking the door, Rei opened it, looking up to see Mama Oogami standing there, waiting. She was tall, intimidating. Rei could easily tell the resemblance between her and Koga, could tell which features he inherited from her.
Usually, adults didn’t intimidate Rei. He didn’t find himself having many problems talking to them, mainly because of how they treated him, how they raised him up onto pedestals that a kid his age shouldn’t be on in the first place. And yet… And yet, Rei felt as though his mouth had gone dry and he couldn’t find the proper words to say to Mama Oogami. He felt trapped, almost, frozen in place.
The only thing that pulled Rei out of that trance-like state was Koga making a sudden appearance at the door, pushing past him to get to Mama Oogami, hugging her legs. “Hi, mama! Rei agreed to have dinner with us!”
“Did he?” Mama Oogami rested a hand on the back of Koga’s head, fixing parts of his hair that were messier than usual, her gaze not moving from where it had settled on Rei. “Will your brother be joinin’ too?”
Finally managing to get himself to move, Rei shook his head. “No, he’s not feeling well enough to leave the house.” He had gone to check on Ritsu not long after Koga had first brought up the topic, finding Ritsu buried under a couple blankets and clearly not doing well. Rei had promised to bring back some food for him, if he were allowed to.
“Ah, unfortunate.” Mama Oogami clicked her tongue, patting Koga’s head. “I’m sure there’d be somethin’ you can bring back for him. Are you boys ready?”
Seeming as if he were just bursting with energy, Koga nodded, letting go of his mother so he could head back inside, just long enough to gather up his things. Rei couldn’t help but feel amused when watching him, especially as Koga ran outside to the car, clutching his bag of things close.
Shaking his head, Rei stepped away from the door to change his shoes and grab his parasol, along with getting the house key. He wrote a quick note for Ritsu, just something simple to tell him he’d be back if Ritsu woke up and got out of bed before Rei returned.
After making sure he’d have everything he needed, Rei stepped out of the house, locking the door behind him and slipping the key into his pocket. It wasn’t a far walk to the car, but he still opened his parasol to shade himself as he followed Mama Oogami, only closing it when getting in the backseat with Koga.
The entire ride to the Oogami residence, Rei was quiet, simply listening to the conversation Koga had with his parents. It was rather sweet, hearing the back and forth between Koga and his parents, mainly his mother, as his father was more focused on driving.
The drive wasn’t long, luckily, and soon they were arriving at the Oogami residence. Rei got unbuckled, grabbing his parasol and shifting to open the door, being careful as he got out of the car. He acted quickly with getting his parasol open, taking in a deep breath before walking over to where Koga was, wanting to walk inside with him.
All of this was unfamiliar to Rei, so he preferred to be near the one familiar thing in this entire situation, which was Koga. Koga was safety when Rei felt anxiety clawing at his ribs, threatening to break free from its cage and ruin everything. To swallow him whole.
Even after they headed inside, Rei found himself gravitating to being near Koga. When they sat down for dinner, Rei made sure he could sit beside Koga. If he were less worried about coming across as weird, perhaps he would’ve even held Koga’s hand, to further ground himself. To reassure himself that it was okay, that he wasn’t going to screw anything up.
Aside from his own mind trying to sabotage the moment, having dinner with the Oogamis went… quite smoothly. Rei got to learn more about Koga’s parents, got to learn more about Koga in general, and also got to eat something that wasn’t his own cooking for the first time in a while. He even got to try some homemade dessert, which truly added to the whole experience.
When Rei returned home, he was exhausted, having used too much social energy, and yet he didn’t head to bed yet. Instead, he checked on Ritsu, told him about how he had some food for him, convinced him to leave his bed just long enough to eat.
The entire time, Rei found himself thinking back to his time spent with Koga. His warm smiles and infectious laughter. The way he seemed to just brighten up any room that he was in. The way he accepted Rei so easily, found ways to accommodate for him without even being asked.
Was this what being in heaven was like?
~
One day.
One day was all it took for everything to change, for Rei’s entire world to feel as if it came crashing down on him and suffocating him.
One day, Koga didn’t arrive to the park to hang out with Rei. Even after Rei waited hours for him, there was no sign of him the entire time. Rei brushed it off as maybe he got busy, or wasn’t feeling well, it was nothing to worry about.
But one day turned into two. Two turned into three. And it continued until a whole week had passed since the last time Rei had seen or heard from Koga. It didn’t seem right, where was he? Why wasn’t he coming to the park anymore?
Rei eventually decided to make the journey to the Oogami residence to figure out what was going on, to see if maybe something happened and that was why Koga wasn’t showing up like usual.
A bad feeling settled over him when he got closer and couldn’t see their car anywhere in sight, nor could he see the flower pots that Mama Oogami had seemed so proud of. Swallowing down the awful feeling, convincing himself it was still nothing, Rei made his way to the front door and knocked a couple times.
No answer.
There were no lights on inside, which meant no one was home, not even Koga. Rei tried convincing himself that maybe they were just out running errands, that they’d return soon. That if he just waited for a little while, he’d see them. But that seemed creepy, didn’t it? Waiting outside their door until they returned home.
Luckily, Rei didn’t have to wait long to hear anything, as one of the neighbors spotted him. “Oi, kid, what are you doing?”
Blinking, Rei looked over, stepping away from the front door. “I’m waiting for the Oogamis to return. Would you happen to know when they’d come back?” He answered, his voice remaining steady even as the horrible feeling got worse and worse.
And then there it was. The explanation that made Rei feel as if he’d just had his heart ripped out of his chest.
“The Oogamis? Kid, they moved out a week ago, they’re not coming back.”
Ah.
That was it then, wasn’t it? Rei would never get to see Koga again. He’d never get to feel the same warmth when he was around the younger, never get to hear his laughter, get to see his healing smiles. It felt like it had ended far too fast, like he hadn’t been given enough time to truly appreciate Koga’s presence in his life.
He managed a quiet ‘thank you’ to the neighbor, turning and making his way back home, his heart aching violently in his chest.
If being with Koga had been heaven, then Rei had been cast out, thrown back to earth where he would remain for eternity.
~
Years had passed since then, and Rei had moved on with his life, although there were times, moments when things felt slow, where he would think back to the bright, warm boy he had met as a kid. He had been incapable of finding anyone, or anything, that filled what seemed to be a permanent void in his chest the same way that being around Koga had.
Perhaps he could consider it a way of escaping from reality, the way Rei threw himself into learning different instruments, taking lessons to learn how to sing better so as to not damage his vocal chords. At least in music, he didn’t have to think about the world around him. He could put his focus on what he was doing, on making sure he played in the right tune.
In this, Rei was safe. It wasn’t the same amount of safety he had felt years ago, when he would sit beside Koga under the shade of a tree and know he wouldn’t be forced to do things he couldn’t handle in those moments, but… It was good enough for now.
One night, it seemed like that all changed. One night, Rei could swear he had seen familiar golden eyes in the crowd of the livehouse he was performing at, focused entirely on him.
He had told himself then to not get his hopes up, to not jump to conclusions. But then more nights followed where he caught glimpses of those golden eyes, wide and in awe as they watched his every move on stage. And just when he had thought he needed to get a better look, as if his thoughts were being read, the owner of those eyes got closer to the stage.
Even in the dim lights of the livehouse, Rei would recognize Koga from anywhere. He had grown, of course, and yet it was still so undeniably him. His angel had returned to bring him back to heaven.
The moment his performance was over, Rei disappeared backstage, needing a moment to collect himself. To convince himself that this was real, that Koga was in this livehouse, had been watching him perform. He needed to… He needed to see him more, needed to talk to him.
Taking in a deep breath to calm himself, Rei headed out to the main area of the livehouse in search of Koga. It seemed ironic, how he found Koga seemingly searching for someone as well. Was he searching for Rei? Were they looking for each other?
He wouldn’t be Rei if he went about this in a normal way, so Rei decided to instead reach for Koga’s drink, which looked to be some kind of tomato juice. “What you’re drinkin’ looks tasty.” He didn’t wait for Koga to even reply before he was taking the cup out of his hand, already taking a sip by the time Koga turned to figure out what was going on.
It was amusing to see how Koga seemed to just freeze the moment his gaze had settled on Rei. His mouth hung ajar and Rei could swear it was like he could see the gears in Koga’s head struggling to work, to properly figure out the right reaction.
Maybe Rei didn’t make it any better with the way he continued on, a seemingly apologetic expression crossing his features. “Ah, right, you must be at that age where indirect kisses are embarrassin’, right? Oops, my bad~”
He reached out and pat Koga’s shoulder, his expression melting into a devious grin. “Don’t worry, I take full responsibility for takin’ yer first time.”
Poor Koga seemed as if he would simply explode with how red his face had gotten. Even in the dim lights, Rei could still tell that his words and actions had certainly surprised and flustered Koga. Oh what he would give to know what was going on in his head.
Glancing around the area, Rei decided it would be better to go somewhere more secluded, a place where it would be just him and Koga. He wanted to talk more with him, wanted to figure out if he still remembered. “Here, follow me.” Once again not really giving Koga a chance to react, to say anything in response, Rei grabbed Koga’s hand, guiding him backstage.
Luckily, Koga didn’t resist, following so easily behind Rei, although he still seemed to be in a lot of shock. Like as though he was still processing what was happening. Truthfully, Rei didn’t blame him.
Once they got backstage, Rei let go of Koga’s hand, settling himself on one of the chairs. He gestured for Koga to take a seat as well, watching as he glanced around for a moment before taking a seat, all of his focus turning to Rei.
“So,” Rei adjusted how he was sitting to be more comfortable, taking another sip of the juice. It helped soothe his throat from all of the singing he had done that night, helped make it easier to speak to Koga. “I see ya show up often at my performances. Big fan?”
Koga’s eyes went wide at the question, and he seemed as if he would jump right out of his seat. Perhaps luckily for the both of them, he kept himself seated. “Are ya kiddin’? ‘Course I am, you’re only the Sakuma Rei. You’re so cool and-” Cutting himself off before he could go on a long ramble about Rei, Koga cleared his throat, crossing his arms. “I mean, it’s- it’s only a coincidence that I come here while yer performin’!”
Ah, so he had adopted Rei’s rougher speech. Cute.
Alas, there were no hints yet as to if he remembered Rei from their childhood. He supposed he’d have to dig deeper.
“You remind me of a puppy,” Rei commented, slightly leaning forward, his piercing gaze remaining on the boy in front of him. “Say, Wanko, do ya recognize me?”
He couldn’t give it away just yet that he knew Koga’s name, that would surely freak him out, push him away, so Rei settled with using a nickname for him. It seemed like the most fitting one, considering the way Rei had compared Koga to a puppy before. Even now, he still seemed like one.
“Wh- I ain’t a puppy!” Koga protested with a huff, even grumbling a little. He paused for a few seconds after, a look of confusion crossing his face. “I don’t get what you’re tryna ask here. Recognize you from where?”
That was all it really took for it to solidify in Rei’s mind that, no, Koga didn’t remember him. He didn’t remember their childhood together. That was okay, Rei swore it was okay. At least Koga was here again, and Rei could rebuild his relationship with him.
Silently, he begged whoever would listen, whoever was paying attention, for this chance to not slip through his fingers. For his angel to not be taken away from him again.
~
“The hell are ya smilin’ ‘bout?”
A rough voice pulled Rei out of his thoughts and he was greeted with the sight of Koga leaning over him, his features twisted into a disappointed expression. It almost seemed like a pout, which Rei found quite cute. Not nearly as cute as Koga’s bright, dazzling smiles, of course, but still cute.
“Just thinking about how much I love you,” Rei replied, grinning when seeing the way Koga’s cheeks became such a beautiful shade of red from how flustered such a sentence made him.
“Oh shaddup, yer supposed to be gettin’ ready.” Koga huffed, stepping away and crossing his arms. “We’re all waitin’ on you, you’re the last to get changed.”
Getting up, Rei glanced around the room, letting himself remember where he was, that they were getting ready to head on stage soon. Deciding to not waste anyone’s time more than he probably already had from zoning out, he gathered his outfit, heading to get changed and properly ready.
Once he returned, he saw the rest of UNDEAD waiting for him. It did something to his heart, to see them standing there, waiting for their leader.
Before he could even process it, his feet carried him over to where Koga was standing, and out of some hidden desire, Rei reached out and hooked his finger under the choker Koga had on, tugging him closer. Reasonably, it startled Koga, especially when what followed was Rei’s lips pressed against his own in such a tender, loving kiss.
Had it not been for the fact that they were on a time limit, Koga swore he wouldn’t have pulled away nearly as quickly as he had. “What was that for?” He muttered, cheeks dusted pink, heart pounding in his chest.
Running his thumb along Koga’s choker, Rei didn’t reply at first, taking a moment to admire every little detail about the man in front of him while he still could.
“Think of it as a thank you for staying at my side,” Rei finally settled with, moving his hand away and taking a step back. He didn’t miss the way Koga only seemed further confused, not making any sense of what Rei was saying.
“Just what has gotten into ya today?” Koga grumbled before sighing, shaking his head. “Nevermind. We can worry ‘bout that later. C’mon, it’s our time to be on stage.”
Rei merely smiled, stepping in front to lead his unit on stage. A feeling of serenity washed over him from being here, standing side by side with UNDEAD, with Koga. Never had he thought he would find a place where he felt as if he belonged like the way he felt with UNDEAD.
If his childhood self were standing in front of him right now, he would thank him for having accepted spending time with Koga, for having pursued being friends with him.
And if Rei pulled Koga aside later after their performance, insisted on being at his side, he only hoped no one would question it, that they’d just brush it off as simply Rei being himself. In all truthfulness, he just wanted a moment where he had Koga all to himself, where he could truly appreciate everything Koga had done for him.
Oh Koga, thank you for saving me, for extending your hand out to me. For bringing your brilliant light to my never ending, suffocating darkness.