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Momo has had enough.
She knows it’s not real, knows that it’s just fanservice. Probably . Hopefully.
They do it all the time, especially Sana. In fact, most of the girls had a lot of fun giving each other kisses and being affectionate on stage. She understands, it was a really fun concert and they always feel the most invigorated on stage. The crowd was electrifying, and the energy was infectious. And it’s simply just a part of what they do.
But still, Momo couldn’t help the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. She could feel it like a poison latching onto her, seeping in deeper and deeper than she could imagine.
It felt awful.
Jihyo couldn’t do something as simple as completing her hand heart, but can (pretend to) kiss Sana right in front of the camera.
It was ridiculous how much it stung. Momo tried to logic her feelings out, knew it was irrational to be so jealous over something so insignificant.
But it’s not like it wasn’t the first time either - her interactions with Jihyo always felt strangely elusive.
Almost like the younger woman was avoiding her.
Nayeon had given her a look of pity in the moment, had comforted Momo afterwards because of course Nayeon could tell that she felt down. Sana had given her a few looks too, but Momo couldn’t have that confrontation now, not when her brain kept replaying the scene in front of her eyes.
Momo shakes her head of the memory as she tries to become present again.
One leg then another, she thinks as she puts on her pajama pants. With a firm determination, Momo leaves her hotel room and quietly wanders down the hall.
The girls had dinner together again before they headed back to the hotel, a routine they’ve had for most of the tour. Momo tried to avoid any suspicious gazes, trying her best to just credit her sour mood to exhaustion. Nayeon had acted like a barrier of protection again, absorbing or deflecting any questions directed at Momo. Jeongyeon and Mina had also given her a few comforting touches and glances of concern. She was normally pretty quiet, especially after two nights of performing in a row, so it was convincing enough. She managed to avoid most conversations, until she got out of the van after the drive to the hotel and Jihyo stopped her in her tracks.
“You doing okay, Momo?” Jihyo asked, her eyes shining with a concern that Momo isn’t sure she deserved. Her hand brushed some hair out of Momo’s face, a small gesture that almost made Momo cry. She schooled her response though, aware that there was still staff nearby.
“I-I’m alright, just tired,” Momo responded, missing the warmth of Jihyo’s fingers immediately.
Jihyo didn’t look too convinced, but she nodded anyway.
“You know where to find me if you need to talk,” Jihyo offered before gently patting Momo on the shoulder.
And so there Momo was, dressed in her sleeping clothes, freshly showered, and face free of makeup. Standing in front of Park Jihyo’s door.
An irrational thought crosses Momo’s mind. She wonders if someone else is there already, her brain immediately thinks of Sana and her stomach burns with envy again.
She shakes her head trying her best to calm down. It didn’t do any good to make predictions. It didn’t serve her to make up scenarios. Instead, she should be considering what she wanted to say.
Shit. She didn’t prepare what she wanted to say.
A wave of panic washes over Momo. What was she doing? She puts a hand over her mouth as she contemplates her next move. Was she just going to show up and confess?
“Momo, I can hear you breathing heavily through my door,” Jihyo’s voice calls out, serious and a little scary. Momo freezes at this, wraps her arms around her torso in fear. But then Jihyo starts cackling before she opens the door, greeting Momo in a black tank top and basketball shorts.
She looks so small before her, big grin on her face, eyes wide and sparkling despite the bags underneath them. Momo thinks she looks absolutely adorable, almost wants to hug her, but the erratic beating of her heart reverberates through her body, and so Momo doesn’t want to go too close, worried that the vibrations might even reach the floor.
Jihyo raises her eyebrow when Momo doesn’t respond. With a sigh, she takes a step aside, “Come in, Momo. Let’s talk.”
---
Momo steps into Jihyo’s hotel room with shaky legs, extra nervous about being inside despite the room looking almost exactly like her own.
Same tv, bed, dresser - everything is just mirrored in position.
But she notices other things. Notices Jihyo’s clothes in piles, the snacks that her mom tends to pack her that she never fails to share with the rest of the members.
“Momo?”
Jihyo’s voice snaps her out of her thoughts. She didn’t realize she was staring for so long.
“You hungry?” she asks, walking towards her kettle where two cup ramens are waiting.
Momo just shakes her head as she awkwardly looks around for a place to sit. She has so many options, but she has no idea where to go. She tries not to let the panic appear on her face, and cooly attempts to walk towards one side of the room, opposite of where Jihyo is.
Time passes in silence.
Things aren’t going exactly as planned. Not that Momo really had a plan to begin with.
You’d think with years of yearning she’d have thought about this moment rather thoroughly. Truth is, realistically, Momo never thought this moment would come.
If she were to be honest, this really was just the result of wanting to rid herself of the icky feelings eating up at her insides.
Still, if she didn’t do this now, when would she ever?
Momo is sitting in a comfy chair, legs up, folded, and pressed against her chest. She’s staring at the floor, feeling incredibly anxious and like she should be bolting out of here.
It was always easiest to run away.
But it took so much courage to get here in the first place. She couldn’t possibly betray herself. Not when Jihyo was leaning against the wall opposite of her, arms crossed under her chest, her black tank top leaving enough exposed to occasionally distract Momo whenever she’d look up.
God, why can’t she talk right now? Can’t she at least make some sort of stupid joke or quirky remark?
Nothing is coming to her head.
Jihyo must think that she’s so weird. Her expression is unreadable, not easing Momo’s mind in the slightest.
“I know you didn’t come here just to switch between avoiding my gaze and staring at me intensely,” Jihyo eventually calls her out and Momo tries her hardest to not react to that immediately, “Don’t think I haven’t noticed, Momo.”
Momo lets out a sigh, hugging her knees even closer to herself. She feels herself start to tremble as she tries desperately to figure out her next move.
She’d been so good at avoiding Jihyo and internalizing every feeling and romantic thought she had of her. Too good, that now that she has an opportunity to bare herself to the younger woman, she’s just doing what she usually does best: stare awkwardly and hope for the best.
“You really make me wish I could read minds,” Jihyo continues, frowning at Momo who looks away again. “I know there’s something you want to tell me. I promise I won’t judge you or anything, I’m here to listen to whatever’s on your mind.”
Momo wonders what Jihyo would do if she could actually read her mind. She thinks about how much easier this would be if Jihyo could just look inside her brain for once.
But would it scare Jihyo, how much Momo wanted her?
Jihyo furrows her eyebrows in frustration, an expression that causes Momo to panic a little. But Jihyo rubs her forehead and wipes at her face, revealing more concern than anything.
Momo opens her mouth, but nothing comes out of it. Jihyo starts to rub at her chin in thought.
“Did you see a sign in the audience that bugged you?” she starts to speculate, “Or are you overthinking a mistake from one of our performances? I promise you no one noticed anything.”
Still nothing.
“Momo, you have to talk to me,” Jihyo groans, rubbing and slapping at her cheeks. It’s hard, she’s more concerned than anything, but her patience is starting to run thin.
More silence.
“If you don’t,” Jihyo says, her hands moving to her hips, “I’m just going to have to go to bed cause I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to pass out.”
She was lying, of course. Jihyo doesn’t think she could sleep again until Momo gave her an answer.
Momo finally budged at that, hesitantly meeting Jihyo’s eyes that were challenging her. It takes every ounce of will power to not look away instantly.
“I am upset,” Momo mumbles, almost so quietly that Jihyo can’t hear her.
Luckily, the apartment is dead silent, so Jihyo catches it. Immediately, she walks closer to Momo, but stops when she notices the older woman stiffen at her proximity.
“Wait, let me explain everything before you get any closer,” Momo demands, waving her hands and keeping Jihyo at a safe distance. She’s not sure if she could breathe properly through this if Jihyo was any closer. She could already smell the faint aroma of Jihyo’s shampoo which brought even more butterflies to her stomach.
Jihyo nods, putting her hands on her hips again as she waits for Momo’s answer.
“It was something from tonight’s concert,” Momo starts carefully, her palms starting to get sweaty. “It was um…it was something I saw.”
“I knew it,” Jihyo whispers, her brows pointing downward angrily. “Don’t worry about it Momo, I’ll tell the managers, and through fancams we can probably find the bast-.”
“Wait, wait , I asked you to let me explain first,” Momo interrupts, hugging her knees even closer to her. It kills her that Jihyo is thinking of all of these things for her, trying to pinpoint where her hurt feelings are coming from. It was something she always loved about Jihyo, just how much she cared about all of them.
And so Momo can’t even be angry, not with Jihyo looking so cute with her little pout and furrowed brows. She knows Jihyo’s leader mode is almost always on, so she appreciates the sentiment. But now is not the time.
“It wasn’t a fan or anyone from the audience,” Momo continues before she tries to swallow one of many lumps in her throat. “It was actually um, something that happened during encore.”
Jihyo tilts her head at that, then Momo can practically see the gears starting to work overtime in her head.
“Not a fan or audience member…?” Jihyo whispers to herself, trying to understand who it could possibly be then.
“It was something that happened on stage,” Momo adds, “And before you get all huffy again, like I said, please just let me finish.” She manages to laugh a little after that, especially when Jihyo looks slightly offended at first. But the younger girl just nods and pretends to zip her mouth shut.
“Both things happened during the Signal encore,” Momo explains, her cheeks starting to burn red at the prospect of admitting her petty feelings. She takes a deep breath, “Firstly, you didn’t complete my heart, you completely avoided me and left me hanging.”
Jihyo looks taken aback by that, confusion written all over her face. Momo starts to wonder if she really didn’t notice that she did that.
“And then,” her voice gets slightly quieter but more vulnerable, “By the end of the song, that happened. And it, um, it made me really upset.” Momo buries her face into her knees immediately after, trying hard not to scream.
Suddenly, realization washes over Jihyo, and her eyes become comically larger.
“Wait, are you jealous?” her voice is light, and though Momo knows that Jihyo is making fun of her, it feels a lot better than Jihyo getting angry. It eases some of the tension in her body, but just by a fraction.
Jihyo laughs a little before continuing, “You do know that was just for the camera, right? Our lips didn’t even touch.”
“I know…” Momo responds a little despondently, refusing to raise her head.
“And don’t you also do stuff like that?” although she’s teasing, Momo appreciates how gentle Jihyo’s tone is, “With Nayeon, Dahyun, and so on. You know, I think Sana also did the same thing with Dahyunnie tonight, too.”
“Yeah, but…” Momo’s voice is so small, but she prides herself in not bursting into tears just yet.
“Then you know it’s just for fun, right?” Jihyo reminds her, the teasing lilt in her voice turning into one of comfort, of reassurance. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
A beat of silence.
Jihyo is a lot more gentle with her than she expected despite the ridiculousness of this all. Momo coming to her hotel room to complain about something that was simply a part of their job, a part of her expected some kind of scolding.
Still.
“But…but then why couldn’t you complete my heart?” Momo asks, hates how pathetic she sounds, her voice cracking while saying something that feels so trivial.
Momo doesn’t look up, but she feels Jihyo’s gaze.
“I’m sorry I didn’t complete the heart, I probably just wasn’t thinking clearly,” Jihyo replies slowly, as if she’s thinking about something. “But Momo, this isn’t about the heart or the fake kiss, is it?”
More silence, then a deep sigh from both of them.
“...No, it isn’t.”
“So, why did you come here then?” Jihyo asks - it’s not accusatory in any way, and Momo melts a little at how patient Jihyo is being with her. “If you want me to play with you more on stage, it’s not like I plan these things.”
“I know,” Momo groans, shaking her head, “We never do.”
“Exactly, so I know there’s more to this.”
Silence falls upon them again as Momo’s gaze moves up slowly, but surely. When her eyes meet with Jihyo’s, she sees the questions that are piling up, can sense how much she’s been holding back from fully interrogating her.
They stare at each other for a moment as the older woman contemplates her answer. Momo does her very best to not look away this time, but ends up averting her gaze anyway in the end.
“You’re right, those events made me upset, but they’re not the reason why I’m here.”
Jihyo makes a small noise of affirmation, urging Momo to go on.
“I came here…” she takes a moment to close her eyes and focus on her breathing so that this can come out as clearly as possible. “I came here because I have something important to tell you that I’ve been holding onto for a really long time. I realized tonight, in my unjustified anger, that I needed to get something off my chest in order to move forward properly.”
“I’m listening, Momo,” Jihyo replies immediately but softly, as if in anticipation for something.
“But, you need to promise me this won’t change anything between us,” Momo knows it’s a hard thing to ask for, she has to try.
Jihyo hums in thought, “I’m sorry, Momo. I don’t think I can promise that, but whatever it is you need to say, I want to hear it. Actually, I think I might need to hear it.”
Momo doesn’t really understand what Jihyo means, but she came here with a purpose, because she made up her mind, despite how messy this all is. So whether things change between them fundamentally or not, she told herself she’d do this.
There really was no turning back anymore.
And so, with her grip so tight on herself that her knuckles are almost white, with her eyes boring into the floor, with her heart feeling like it might explode at any second, Momo finds the words.
“I love you, Jihyo,” Momo says firmly, trying her best to convey her feelings without any room for doubt, “I’m in love with you, actually, have been in love for as long as I can remember.”
The silence that follows up next kills Momo a little bit, and she has to hold herself back from crying. She shuts her eyes tightly, but in doing so she doesn’t realize that Jihyo had come closer to her, a lot closer.
The realization hits her when she feels a warm hand on the side of her face, forcing her to look straight ahead. And then, Jihyo gently caresses her cheek and wipes a few stray tears that Momo didn’t realize had managed to escape. The younger woman then moves her hand down to Momo’s chin to force her to look up.
Jihyo’s eyes have so much tenderness in them that Momo has to hold back from fully sobbing.
“Can you say that again while looking at me?” Jihyo asks softly, a small smile on her face, “I don’t think I can believe it unless you’re looking right at me.” She then brings up her other hand, cupping Momo’s face with both hands and making sure she can’t look away again.
A rush of hope flows through Momo, invigorating her. Jihyo didn’t flinch, didn’t seem disgusted by her words, didn’t kick her out, didn’t pretend she didn’t hear what she was saying.
Jihyo wanted to hear her say it again. That must mean that…
With a deep breath, Momo looks straight into Jihyo’s eyes, even has the courage to unwrap the arms from around her knees that were so desperately trying to protect herself, and instead, places them on Jihyo’s waist.
“I’m in love with you, Park Jihyo,” she says with her whole chest, eyes never leaving Jihyo’s
Jihyo lets out a breathy laugh, “One more time, please.”
“I’m in love with you-”
Momo gets interrupted by Jihyo’s lips on her own, and Momo can’t help but wonder if she’s dreaming. She feels like she’s melting into Jihyo, their lips fitting together so perfectly. What truly makes this feel unreal though, is how much it feels like Jihyo wants her too, conveyed simply by the way she kisses her.
When air becomes a need, the two break apart. Jihyo removes her hands from Momo’s face and grabs Momo’s knees, pulling them away from her chest, and making sure that her feet are touching the ground.
It all happens so fast, and Momo can feel the tips of her ears burning as Jihyo sits in her lap and stares at her with those beautiful brown eyes. They are filled with so much wonder, so much happiness that seems like they’re a reflection of her own.
She’s smiling so widely, and Momo easily matches her smile.
“I’m in love with you too, Momo,” Jihyo says, a little breathless and a little giddy. “Never thought I’d hear you say it though.”
Momo buries her face into Jihyo’s chest and pulls her closer, enjoying the weight of the her on her lap.
“I never thought you’d say it either,” she mumbles into Jihyo’s chest. When she hears how quickly Jihyo’s heart is beating too, she feels absolutely ecstatic. “I really thought you and Sana were…”
Jihyo laughs at that, cackles actually, and can’t stop laughing, especially when Momo glares at her in turn.
“I’m serious! I was so…”
“Jealous?” Jihyo snorts, shaking her head. “Sana is one of my best friends and I feel really comfortable around her, that’s why we can do shit like that in front of thousands of people.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Momo pouts, but it turns back into a smile when Jihyo gives her another smooch.
“If I tried that shit with you on stage, I don’t think either of us could handle it,” Jihyo giggles, and it’s probably the most Momo has heard her laugh in such a short amount of time. She absorbs it, memorizes it, leans into it, and kisses Jihyo again out of fondness.
“You’re right, it would’ve turned awkward again and the members would have a field day,” Momo shudders at the image of Nayeon pointing at her and laughing, Chaeyoung mirroring her, Sana’s knowing eyes, and Jeongyeon snickering at her. “I think I would faint, too.” She then thinks of Dahyun’s looks of pity, Tzuyu’s confusion, and Mina trying to get the staff to help out, a smile on her face too.
“I would probably get carried away,” Jihyo muses, her smile turning into a smirk when Momo flushes red again. “Oh, baby are you having naughty thoughts?”
Momo screams internally at the pet name, but raises her fist teasingly in response.
“Watch it, Park,” Momo grumbles, trying to sound threatening despite how soft she looks.
“Bet I can take you, Hirai,” Jihyo laughs again before poking Momo on her nose and giving her a peck on the cheek.
“Oh please,” Momo retorts, her grip on Jihyo’s waist tightening before she moves her hands ever so slightly lower. “You’re not the only one who works out. I bet I can toss you around, easy.”
Jihyo’s eyes grow dark at that and she turns away for a second to look at the clock.
“Babe, as much as I’d like to, we should probably get some sleep and-”
Momo shifts and then suddenly, she’s carrying Jihyo bridal style.
“I’m not waiting any longer,” Momo declares with a fierce determination, “I’m having you tonight.”
It’s Jihyo’s turn to flush, “I won’t say no to that.”