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Gawain felt as if she were drowning.
Not literally, of course. The ‘Master of the Sun’ would never allow for what she considered such a pathetic end. But every thought in her head—every muscle in her body—every pound of her heart, it felt like she couldn’t move or breathe. The only grasp of freedom she could hold on to was the blanket she disguised herself with, hoping the pain, the fear, all of it would just go away. But it wouldn’t. It just wouldn’t.
“You are a bad child, Gawain…”
‘Please stop…’
“Running away from home… Do you realize how much you made your father worry?”
‘I said stop…! Leave me alone…!’
“I will hunt down the Four Knights of the Apocalypse and their allies, and eliminate them!”
‘STOP!!’
“AH!” She shot up—heavily breathing—hearing a knock at her door. Her eyes darted around the room constantly before landing on the small table clock—which was next to a candle—on the room’s nightstand.
‘05:30… Who would be checking up this late before the morning? Don’t tell me it’s him—‘
“Hey, Gawain! Are you awake?”
Gawain’s body stiffened for a moment before a huge wash of relief ran over her body. That wasn’t who she was expecting, and she really couldn’t wrap her head around it. Was that… Percival?
“I… Come in,” she said, scooting up to the edge of the bed.
The door slowly opens to reveal one of the prophesied knights, with his wing-shaped lime green hair, Percival. She was immediately met with his wide smile as he carefully closed the door behind him. After what an episode she was having, she didn’t know what to respond with. She didn’t know why she let him in at all.
“Since when did you get so small?” Percival asked.
Gawain flinched. He waltzed into her room in the middle of the night—albeit with permission—and that is the first thing he says?
“Were you not paying attention during yesterday’s battle? I used up all my magic. This is how I look normally. I can’t stay big forever.” she explained.
Percival’s eyes looked as if they were lost in an endless sea of fog, before shining brighter than the sun. Even uttering such a thought to herself almost felt like blasphemy.
“Ohhh! I remember now!” Percival smiled.
“What are you doing here, runt?”
He looked up toward Gawain, before frowning. She had an expression that he could only describe as a sea of sorrow. One that had a ravaging thunderstorm going on and on and on. Never calming.
“I couldn’t really sleep. I wanted to see how everyone is. Yesterday was crazy!” he responded.
“Yeah, and tiring, stressful, and many other things,” Gawain waved her hand. “So it would be nice if I could do it without someone barging in.”
Percival’s frown only deepened, which Gawain caught a glimpse of. He simply walked toward the door with his head hanging low. Shit. Now she felt bad.
“W-Wait!” she shouts, extending her hand out.
The boy jumped in surprise and turned around to her. Her expression looked even worse somehow like the pressure of the ocean waves created a tsunami.
“I-I’m sorry…” she said shakily. “…I guess I wouldn’t mind having some company.” Her voice shook with every last word, but she tried her best to hide it and keep her composure.
Just like that, his shining smile returned. She had to admit, seeing that grin put her heart a bit at ease. Percival approached the bed, but one glare from Gawain told him that his place was instead at the edge of the bed, specifically on the soft carpet placed on the floor.
There was silence. As silly as he could be, Percival understood that right now wasn’t a good time to just be running his mouth off with whatever was on his mind. He could tell Gawain wasn’t in the best of moods.
“Come on. Say something, runt.”
He stood—er, sat, corrected.
Pondering deep in thought, he spoke the first thing he could think of.
“What’s your magic like? How does it work?”
The question had Gawain intrigued, admittedly. She always had people gawking over her magical prowess, but he’s the first one to ask the ins and outs.
“Heh. Well for starters, I call my ability ‘Dawn’. It makes me ridiculously strong! Practically invincible! At least, what I’ve thought for a time.” she said.
Suddenly, Percival—surprisingly small—sprung from the carpet. “Yeah! You also got really cool firepower! Like that, uh, what was it called? ‘Exploding Sun’?”
Gawain smirked, “Sunshine Burst, but close enough.”
“Can you do other stuff with your magic?” Percival asked.
“Of course! I’m not a one-trick pony!”
“But… didn’t Pellegarde beat you because—“
“We’re NOT bringing that up again.”
Percival flinched and fell backward, but began to giggle. Gawain’s eyes widened but decided to join in.
“You mentioned you can’t use it all the time,” Percival said. “What does that mean?”
Gawain scratched the back of her head, looking away. “Admittedly, it takes quite a while to regenerate. It’s not as simple as taking a nice rest. It actively needs to recollect itself over some time. Theoretically, I could use it despite it not being fully charged, but the time limit would be significantly shortened. So I try my best to use it when it’s most practical.”
She looked back to see the boy in absolute awe. “What?”
“You know when you’re not full of yourself, you can be pretty smart!”
Gawain’s face sprung anger as she threw a pillow right into his face and sent him across the room, leaving him unharmed.
“Sometimes it would be better if you didn’t speak your mind so haphazardly,” she said.
“Sorry,” Percival said as he rose from the floor.
There was silence for a moment, but only for a moment. There has been something Gawain has been meaning to ask. While the candle’s burning as they say. Or, I guess as she says.
“What’s your magic?”
“Huh?”
Gawain rested against the front of the bed, looking at Percival from afar. “You asked about my magic, only fair I get to ask about yours.”
The boy’s eyes gleamed in excitement as he immediately began rambling. “I call it ‘Hope’! Cool name right?! I can do so many things with it, like pick up people, fight with crazy strong power, heal people with my little mes—“
Another pillow was thrown at Percival, smacking him in the face.
“Speak like a normal person. Less cheery, more clearly,” Gawain sighs as she motions her hand toward her bed. “And get up on here. I’m tired of you rolling on my floor.”
“But this is the guest room—“
“Shut it.”
Percival stood back up, picked up the pillow, and jumped up to the edge of the bed. As he faced Gawain’s direction, he began to ponder about how best to explain his power once more.
“Like I said, it’s called ‘Hope’. And the more that people pour their hope into me, my magic gets even stronger!”
“Hope…”
“Yeah! And I can make little mini-mes with my magic too! They’re usually used for healing.” Percival held out his hand and created one little green figure that looked just like him.
“Reporting for duty!” It said with a salute, before disappearing afterward.
Percival continued, “And like I said before, there’s so much more I can do. I’ve been able to surround myself and my friends in it to help us fly or protect us.”
Gawain fixated on Percival’s eyes as he continued talking. Why his eyes? There was just something about them. She could tell there was something there. Something she didn’t fully understand, but felt familiar with.
“Percival, do you feel fear?”
It was out of nowhere. She said it unconsciously. But she couldn’t help but be curious, if not a little prying into the boy’s way of thinking or unusual amounts of enthusiasm. It took Percival a bit to fully comprehend the question.
“Well, of course I do. It’s a normal emotion right?” Percival asked.
Gawain simply turned her head away. “Has there ever been something that haunts you? Something that isn’t there with you in the present, but happened in the past, and continues to bother you into the future?”
Percival frowned a little. “Yeah… my grandpa.”
Immediately Gawain turned her head back, seeing little teardrops in Percival’s eyes. Feeling bad again. Dammit, why did she have to bother others with her problems?
“The day he died… I never felt the same afterward. Even now with everything I’ve gained, new friends, new adventures, being part of this group with Lancelot, Tristian, and you. One of the Four Knights of the Apocalypse. It still hasn’t healed that wound.”
However, he wiped those tears. “And even though I want to go to Camielot, beat up my Dad for what he did, and especially that King Arthur guy, I’m still scared. And I think that’s okay!”
Gawain’s eyes widened. She turned her head away again, almost as if to be embarrassed. Percival gave her a curious look as he tapped her arm, albeit from a distance.
“Gawain, is something wrong?” he asked.
After that question, she couldn’t contain it anymore. Facing Percival again, it was like a faucet had sprung a leak as tears upon tears were pouring. The boy’s expression was one of both exasperation and worry.
“I… I… I’m scared, Percival…” she croaked.
“Huh?”
“I’m scared, okay?!” she shouted.
“Gawain…”
“I’m scared of things returning to how they used to be… I’m scared of my uncle…! I’m scared of King Arthur…! I… I’m afraid I’m going to die! I don’t want to feel this fear! I’m supposed to be strong! So why am I so terrified?!”
It’s happening again. She can barely breathe. She can barely move. Her heart is pounding. The pain is back. The fear is back. No matter how much she tries to push it down, she just can’t. She’s not strong enough. She’s not invincible. She feels weak. Hopeless.
Until she suddenly felt a huge grip on her body. Her mind focused, allowing her head to look down slightly to see Percival, giving her the biggest hug his body could produce. The tears weren’t done, let alone her emotional turmoil. But this single action, this response, decreased some of the stress she was under.
“I’m so sorry, Gawain. But everything will be okay. I promise…” Percival said.
Gawain sniffled, wiping her tears. “Idiot… why are you apologizing?”
“Because I don’t like seeing my friends hurt.” Percival looked into her eyes, his smile as bright as ever. “We may have been mean towards each other at first, but a mishap like that doesn’t make me think of you any less. You’re my friend, Gawain.”
Gawain’s eyes began tearing up again.
“And I meant what I said before. It’s okay to be scared. It just means we have to be there for one another when we can’t handle it all, right? I may not know what happened to you, but I want to be able to take the burden off!”
Now it was Percival’s turn to be embraced. This was the tightest hug she ever gave, and the only hug she ever gave to someone that was not her Granny or Grandpa. She didn’t want to let go. To have someone be there for her, to not turn away and ignore her pain, to have someone reach out and catch her hand and pull her out of the crashing waves of sadness. It meant everything.
“Thank you, Percival,” Gawain said.
The boy’s smile grew even more somehow. The two finally broke off the hug, sitting in silence for what felt like an eternity. There was a lot of emotion that was unpacked in what was quite literally a few minutes. After some time, Gawain spoke up.
“It’s about to hit six. You should probably head back to your friends before they wake up.” Gawain said.
“Oh! Your right! Thanks, Gawain!” Percival responded.
He jumped out of the bed and landed on his own two feet before walking toward the door. As he opened it, he turned back toward his friend. And with a huge signature grin…
“If you ever feel hopeless, I promise to be your Hope.”
Gawain froze for a second but shook her head and nodded. “Thanks, runt.”
Percival frowned. “Aww, I thought you were finally done with that.”
It faded quickly as the two giggled. Percival walked out and closed the door behind him. Looking out a small window, Gawain watched as he made his way back to his guest room. She looked back at her nightstand. Not at the clock, but at the candle. The fire kept burning. She wanted to be like that candle.
“Hope…”
She glanced out the window again, a genuine smile plastered on her face.
“You’re not bad, Percival.”
Gawain laid back into bed, pulling the covers over her body, except her head. She wasn’t going to let fear control her. She would fight it. Fight it as hard as she could until she passed out. And if she couldn’t do it alone, she knew she wasn’t alone. She had allies, people, and friends by her side. As dawn approached more and more, Gawain knew she had found something special, and worthwhile.
She had finally found hope.