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“Everyone, 20 minute break! If you are going to eat, do it now because I don’t want to see any food crumbs in my studio.” Jihoon said to the members who were sitting down on his leather couch. They were recording their lines for their upcoming comeback in Jihoon’s studio and they were there for at least an hour now. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem for them but since they started the recording today everyone had to be in the same room. And with 11 members, Jeonghan and Seungcheol were on an overseas schedule and couldn’t join them. It was overwhelming even though the studio had enough seats for everyone and it was pretty big since Jihoon liked to keep some of the instruments he used to produce songs in there as well.
Everyone cheered and quickly left the studio to get something to eat as the break was announced. “Shua hyung, are you going out to eat?” asked Jihoon to Joshua who was still sitting on the couch as he focused on the screen in front of him. He wanted to make a few changes to Joshua’s part. “No, I ate earlier. Why?” Joshua walked up to Jihoon. “I’m thinking about changing this part in your lines, but I wanted to ask you first.” Joshua hummed as he looked at the part Jihoon pointed out for him. “It might sound better like this…” They were already in a deep conversation about the change they were doing when Joshua’s phone rang, interrupting them. Joshua grabbed his phone and was going to walk away from the table but he suddenly stopped.
“Who’s that?” Jihoon asked when he saw Joshua’s panicked face. Joshua’s lips trembled and he fixed his eyes on the phone. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Jihoon called his name, but he didn’t answer. He just looked at the phone, eyes widened. He parted his lips again and stuttered as he spoke, his voice was as quiet as a whisper. “M-my father.” Joshua felt Jihoon’s body tense as he frowned. He sat on the leather couch as his eyes started to get teary. Jihoon quickly got up from his chair and rushed to Joshua, who’s tears were rolling down his face. Jihoon grabbed the phone and declined the call. He knew why Joshua was panicking, and why he was crying.
During their trainee days, Jihoon had seen Joshua in one of the small rooms no one really used. It was right next to their practice room and they usually used it as storage. That day, he stopped just right in front of the storage door when he heard a loud sobbing from the other side of the door. He knocked a few times, but carefully opened the door and stuck his head into the little space he created there when he didn’t get an answer back. “Hello?” Loud sobs echoed in the room before it sounded like there was something to silence the noise. Jihoon frowned as he got inside. He rushed to the person's side when he saw who it was.
Joshua was sitting on the cold floor, tears streaming down his face still. His hand was over his mouth, tightly covering it to not let any sobs escape. Soon after Joshua had calmed down, he learned what was going on.
Back to the present time, “It’s okay, hyung. It’s going to be okay.” said Jihoon, as he held Joshua in his arms. Joshua’s father had abandoned them. He and his mother. Joshua’s hand automatically went up to his eyebrow, which hid a large scar. The fans and the rest of the members, except two of them, thought it was because Joshua fell down the stairs when he was a child. But, he actually remembered how he ran out of his house, his father running after him, screaming his name to get back with a large alcohol bottle in his hand. Their neighbors were the ones to talk to his father when they saw his father throw the glass bottle to Joshua which let to him getting this scar.
Jihoon held his hand that was touching the scar and pulled it back down. “Don’t worry hyung. You are safe, you’re safe here. You have me, Hannie hyung, Cheol hyung. hm?” he said slowly as he caressed Joshua's hair. Jeonghan and Seungcheol were the first ones to know about Joshua’s childhood, a while before Jihoon learned about it. “He is not here, he can’t do anything when we are with you. I’ll protect you, hm?” He continued talking in a comforting voice as he continued to caress Joshua's hair and cheeks slowly. “Do you want to call Hannie hyung?” he asked, but didn’t receive an answer.
Calling Jeonghan was the best idea since he and Seungcheol had a bit more information about how to comfort people and also about Joshua’s father. He could call Seungcheol, but it might cause their hyung to cancel his and Jeonghan's schedule, then come back pretty earlier than expected. So he waited until Joshua’s sobs turned into sniffles and heavy breaths. “Come here, hyung. Let’s wash your face. Others should be back soon.” Jihoon gently pulled back from the hug and faintly smiled at Joshua.
Joshua nodded and mumbled a quiet “Thank you, Ji.” as he wiped away his tears. Just before the others arrived back into the studio, Joshua headed to the bathroom to wash his face. “He didn’t deserve this.” Jihoon mumbled under his breath. Joshua didn’t deserve to be hit by his father every night when he came in the front door drunk. When their neighbors noticed what was happening and called out to his father after seeing Joshua’s father hitting Joshua, who just stood there staring at the floor, it was too late to heal his scars completely.
After the neighbors called out to him and solved the issue by threatening them that they were going to call the police if they see that happening again, they thought the threat worked which definitely didn’t because their abuse continued, his father quickly packed up his things and left. He never came back, not even to get the stuff he forgot at home. Joshua had never seen or heard from him after what happened. Until now. But Joshua never lost his phone number. Every time he got a new phone, his number was always in the contacts. Just to feel like his father was actually here and he never really left.
Joshua came back after a few minutes and sat on the couch again as he sighed. His eyes were a bit puffy and slightly red, but it wasn’t bad enough for others to notice. Jihoon gave him a reassuring smile to let him know that everything is going to be alright without talking because he noticed Joshua was glancing at the door now and then. The rest of the members came in after a few minutes. Jihoon looked at Joshua who just moved uncomfortably in his seat and made himself as small as he could. “Vernonie, you’re next!” Jihoon called out to Vernon, who just nodded and walked to the recording booth while repeating his part with the lyrics paper in his hand.
Most of the recording was done after a little longer than half an hour, but still no one was not allowed to leave because they were going to listen to all the recording they did today to record it again if it was necessary. The only person left was Joshua, who decided to be the last one to record because he wanted to practice the line they changed earlier. “Shua hyung, you’re the last one. Can you come here for a second before getting in the booth?” Jihoon said before patting the chair next to him. The others glanced up from their phones after hearing Jihoon’s request but decided to be quiet when Joshua walked up to him and sat on the chair next to Jihoon.
It looked like they were talking about the part Joshua was about to him, just like how Jihoon wanted it to be. “Hyung, are you okay? If you want we can record it tomorrow too, it’s okay, no one will get upset.” His voice was soft as he patted the older’s knee to reassure him. Joshua skimmed through the lyrics written in the paper hesitantly as he sighed and rubbed his eyes, that still hurt a bit from the crying, with his fist. “I’m good, I can do the recording. We will leave afterwards anyway.” He gave Jihoon a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, a smile that looked forced. But Jihoon didn’t say anything, he just patted his knee and smiled back at him.
He knew some members were definitely looking at them to see what was going on since Jihoon wasn’t the person to be affectionate. But before anyone could say anything, Joshua went into the recording booth and placed the paper on the paper holder. He sighed and cleared his throat before starting after getting a thumbs up from Jihoon. The recording ended after a few retakes and listening to the recording. After Jihoon saved everything multiple times, he told everyone to start packing their stuff as he also got ready to leave. Normally, he would definitely stay for at least another three hours but he did not want to leave Joshua all by himself at the dorms. Of course Joshua could call Jeonghan or Seungcheol, or both, to have a bit of comfort but he just wanted him to be next to him.
Everyone got out of the studio one by one after making sure nothing, or no one, was left behind. Jihoon, Soonyoung and Joshua were the last ones to leave the studio. After Jihoon locked the door and checked it twice just in case, he turned around to face the members and walked up to Joshua who was waiting for him with Mingyu. He helped Joshua count the members because the older still looked like he could start to cry at any moment. After counting, his eyes met with someone who looked familiar. Very familiar. He examined his face when their eyes met and the other person just smirked while resting his back against the white wall and crossing his arms on his chest.
He stopped. It felt like the time paused for a minute. “Ji, let’s go.” He didn’t answer, or stopped the eye contact when Joshua called out to him and slipped his hand in his. The members were around him. His members were near a person that didn’t even deserve to be in the same world as them. They were near Joshua’s father, if you could even call him that. He felt Joshua tense when he followed where he was looking. Jihoon mumbled a swear word under his breath and held Joshua’s hand even tighter when he started to breath heavily and his hands shook. He walked closer to him, slowly and carefully.
“What are you doing here?” His words were full of hate, anger and hid a ton of swear words underneath. He could say them out loud, but he didn’t want to waste his breath over a monster and the maknae line was with them. The man smirked playfully and lifted his head up, then proceeded to look at Joshua who just trembled in fear next to Jihoon. The man tried to talk but he was cut off even before he could answer Jihoon’s question. “Get your nasty eyes off of him.” Jihoon hissed, glaring at him. He got Joshua behind him as he walked closer. “I’m just here to talk to my son, But it looks like he can't keep his mouth shut.” He spit out his last sentence as he reached out for Joshua’s arm, who was pulled back by Mingyu.
The others didn’t understand what was going on entirely, but they realized that this man did not belong here and whatever was going on, it wasn’t making Joshua feel okay. “You are leaving. Right now.” Jihoon lowered his voice as he pressed his index member on the man’s chest. He mumbled just loud enough for only the man to hear. “Just like how you did years ago, leave. Don’t even try to reach out to anyone or come here again. You don’t want the police to get involved, so you?” He felt the man getting annoyed by his playful voice. “The police won’t help a man who actually belongs in a dirty jail cell, right?” He smirked when the man pushed him away from himself and walked away quickly, not even daring to look back once.
Jihoon watched him get out of the building, almost running on the way to the door. Once he was gone, Jihoon was quick to turn around and immediately walk up to Joshua, who was being held by Wonwoo and Junhui with tears in his eyes. He let Joshua collapse into his arms with a painful sob escaping from his shaking frame. Jihoon wrapped his arms around Joshua’s neck as Joshua hugged his waist tightly. He felt Joshua’s legs slowly giving up on trying to keep him standing so he lowered Joshua down and made him rest his back to the door of the studio.
He caressed his hair and placed kisses on his forehead as Joshua hugged him tightly and let his sobs escape. He pulled back from the hug when Joshua’s breath quickened and he gasped for more air. “Hyung, Shua, Shua. Look at me, baby.” He lifted his chin up and caressed Joshua’s cheeks softly when the older looked at him with tears in his eyes, still sobbing uncontrollably. “It’s okay, baby. He is gone now.” He gulped when Joshua dropped his head on Jihoon’s shoulders and his body shivered in fear upon hearing the mention of him. “Look at me hyung. Focus on my breathing now, hm?” He held his hand and grabbed Joshua’s hand, holding it down so he won’t be hurting himself by doing something. He got closer to Joshua and let him use him as a support.
“Breathe in for five seconds for me, you are doing perfect, hyung.” He said while caressing his hair and telling the members who were looking at them to bring a water bottle. Luckily, Minghao understood his hand motions pretty quickly and ran to grab a water bottle. “Now, hold for five seconds love. It’s okay, you are going to be okay.” He softly mumbled as Joshua followed his instructions. “Breathe out now, hyung. You did great, I'm proud of you.” he said, then repeated the instructions a few times. Joshua’s sobs turned into sniffles as his breathing got normal over time. Jihoon slowly cupped his cheeks and lifted the older’s head from his shoulder. He looked at him in his eyes and placed a kiss on his forehead. “It’s okay hyung.” He softly whispered and reached for the water bottle that Minghao brought earlier.
He twisted off the cap and brought it up to Joshua’s parted lips. Joshua brought his hand up and held the bottle, holding over Jihoon’s hand in the process. “Let’s go home now.” Joshua smiled as best as he could as he held on to the wall. Seeing him struggling, Soonyoung and Seungkwan rushed to his side and let him lean on them as they got him on his feet again. “We will have to talk once we get home, hyung.” said Vernon who was picking Joshua’s phone off the ground because it dropped out of his pocket earlier. “I know.” answered Joshua, quietly. The members were surprisingly really quiet until they reached the door.
Joshua all of a sudden stopped walking when Seungkwan reached to open the door. He tried to go backwards but bumped into Soonyoung. “Hyung, are you okay?” asked Chan, standing next to Soonyoung. “Can someone check if he is outside of the door, please?” His voice was raw and shaky. Joshua could barely look at the door. Seeing this side of him for the first time was just enough to break others' hearts into a million pieces. “I’ll check hyung.” said Seokmin with a comforting smile. He opened the door and got out. After searching around the van that newly arrived and the near places just in case for a while, he came back inside and smiled when his eyes met with Joshua’s. “There’s no one outside hyung. Let’s go home.” He stretched out his hand and Joshua held it tightly. Jihoon smiled while looking at them. He was relieved that no one asked about what happened even though they were confused and curious.
The ride back to the dorms was silent. Except Jihoon’s quietly singing to Joshua to keep him calm. Other than that, not even Seokmin was being loud. Once they arrived, Joshua made sure to count the members despite panicking because he had to make an explanation to the members. They got inside and being the last one to enter, Mingyu locked the door. Jihoon silently requested them to sit on the couch in the living room and joined them with Joshua after everyone was sitting. “Let’s do this, hyung.” said Jihoon as he held Joshua’s hand to give him support. Joshua hugged his knees and made himself as small as he could. Then, he took a deep breath and parted his lips to tpak.
“The man you saw is my father. He abandoned me and my mother after one of our neighbors saw him hitting me with a glass bottle and threatened him. I never talked or saw him after that. He never came back to us. Well, until earlier today. Before what happened, I got a call from him during the break time.” His voice was all wobbly and high pitched. But, he was calm. Jihoon quickly wiped away the tears that formed in his eyes. He didn’t want to see him cry. Joshua sniffled and looked up from where he fixed his eyes in the ground to look at the members. Most of them already had tears in their eyes, but were quick to wipe them away. His heart shattered as he looked at Seungkwan, Vernon and Chan curled up together at the corner of the couch. He actually didn’t want the maknaes to know about this, or be involved in this explanation. But, they had to know.
As he continued his story, Jihoon hugged him from the side and gently patted his waist. Soft cries and wobbly breathing were heard from the other members in the living room. Joshua was really sure that the members had a lot of questions but he really needed some time. “Ji, can we please go to my room?” He whispered while looking at Jihoon with a pair of puppy eyes. Jihoon nodded and talked loud enough to get the attention of the others. “I’m taking Shua hyung to his room. Don’t forget to eat, okay?” After getting a nod from Wonwoo, who was not crying but was definitely mad. “We will bring you some.” Jihoon nodded and held Joshua’s hand.
He opened the door to Joshua’s room and Joshua immediately collapsed on his bed. Jihoon softly giggled and closed the door behind him. “I feel a lot of weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels like my body and mind is lighter.” Jihoon leaned against the wall as Joshua stared at the ceiling. “Let’s get you in the covers, hyung.” said Jihoon when he noticed that Joshua was trying hard to keep his eyes open. “Only if you join me?” Jihoon sighed as he walked up to Joshua. If it was someone else, he knew he would decline immediately. But, it was Joshua. And he enjoyed cuddles and hugs sometimes. Definitely not because Joshua was the one who wanted to cuddle.
“Okay, I’ll join you.” Joshua giggled happily and quickly crawled into the covers that Jihoon opened for him. He opened his arms and waited for the younger to join him, his smile actually reaching his eyes this time. Jihoon chuckled at his excitement and got in his arms slowly. He hid his smile by burying his face in Joshua’s chest when the older wrapped his arms around his waist and caressed his waist under his shirt. He also hugged the older and sighed as Joshua’s body slowly relaxed. “I don’t say it often, but I love you hyung. You are safe with us, okay? We will, I will protect you. No matter what.” Joshua smiled when he left Jihoon slowly caressing his hair. He could only mumble while slowly falling asleep. “I love you too, Hoonie. Thank you.”
As promised, Mingyu brought them food after calming others down and talking to Seungcheol and Jeonghan about what happened. Just like how Jihoon thought, Seungcheol offered to immediately cancel their schedule and travel back home but Jeonghan stopped him from calling their manager just in time. After making Junhui knock on the door a few times because he was holding a tray in his hands, they decided to open the door to see if something was wrong since they never got an answer. A giggle escaped their lips when they saw Jihoon curled up into a small ball nearly on top of the older with Joshua wrapped his arms around him.
Mingyu made Junhui grab his phone from the kitchen table and take a few pictures of the two and send it to their group chat. He knew he was probably going to get scolded by Jihoon but it was worth it.