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“We had fun, but you became terribly boring. I’m breaking up with you, Pond,” Phuwin’s words were the last thing Pond expected to hear on their third anniversary. More, not just their anniversary, but his birthday. Pond stood in front of his boyfriend... no, his ex-boyfriend, and stared at him with confusion written all over his face.
Phuwin’s laughter was the last thing he remembered before he lost consciousness.
***
Pond woke up in his room, surrounded by darkness. Blindly, he found his phone and checked the time and date – it was 3am, the 1st of February. Their anniversary and his birthday.
For the last two years, in his mind, this had been the order of importance of the day’s events. Firstly, he was celebrating their anniversary of the day when Phuwin threw himself around his neck and started kissing him passionately after Pond asked if he would become his boyfriend.
He didn’t feel that his birthday was important, but Phuwin always made sure it was a memorable day.
At 3am Phuwin was not lying next to him in bed. Pond could feel his heart starting to speed up and he didn’t like what had taken off in his head. Chaos and thoughts, memories of the dream from which he had awoken so abruptly, anxiety and fear.
“Phuwin?” he asked aloud, hoping to see his boyfriend’s head appear in the doorway, but it didn’t happen. The room was still just as dark, and no light came out from under any of the doors – neither those to the living room nor the bathroom.
He decided to get out of bed, and, stumbling over their scattered clothes on the floor (though maybe they were just his clothes?) he made his way to the door to the living room. It was just as dark there as in the bedroom. The curtains were not drawn, yet no light from outside reached inside.
The panic in him grew, and when he turned back towards the bedroom, Phuwin was standing in the middle of the room, with the same laugh on his lips as in his dream.
***
This time Pond wakes up for real. He is sure of it, as the morning light pierces through the curtains and Phuwin lies curled up next to him. Pond’s phone not only shows 6am and the 1st of February, but also 11 messages with birthday wishes from his friends. He runs through them quickly, replying similarly to each one, and then looks around the dimly lit bedroom. Their clothes lie where they scattered them as they frantically undress on their way to bed.
It was good, pre-anniversary and pre-birthday sex, one that Pond will remember for a long time to come. Phuwin always knows what his boyfriend needs and what to do to make him relax and stop thinking about more or less important things over and over again.
“Why are you awake?”, Pond hears Phuwin’s hoarse voice and smiles softly in his direction. Phuwin doesn’t even open his eyes, he just stretches out on the bed and grabs Pond’s elbow, pulling him close. “The alarm clocks are set at 9am. Sleep,” Phuwin gives a quiet command and Pond chuckles even more quietly, then lays his head on Phuwin’s chest and, listening to his heartbeat, falls asleep in seconds.
---
“Phi Poooond! Time to get up!”, Phuwin jumps on the bed along with the sound of their alarm clocks. Pond is sure that his boyfriend has been awake for a long while, always waking up before his wake-up time.
“Don’t wanna,” Pond groans, then grabs Phuwin around the waist and pulls him close, trying to steal a morning kiss.
“No kissing before brushing your teeth! Gross,” Phuwin laughs, but leaves a small kiss on Pond’s cheek before running off into the living room.
Pond doesn’t remember both dreams, but somewhere in the back of his mind he has the thought that they will celebrate this day differently than usual.
---
When he emerges from the bathroom, wearing only a towel on his hips, a set of clothes chosen by Phuwin is waiting for him on the bed. Pond doesn’t recognise the clothes he sees, so he suspects it’s the first of his gifts today – a gift from Dunk, who, as he does every year, makes sure Pond looks decent on his anniversary. And on his birthday.
“What do we think?”, Pond asks immediately after walking into the kitchen, where Phuwin is preparing an anniversary-birthday breakfast for them. Phuwin looks at him intently, with his finger showing him to turn around, then nods satisfied.
“Dunk hit the jackpot as usual,” he says with a smile, then goes back to cooking. “It’s almost ready. There’s a package from P’Tay and P’New waiting for you on the table,” he adds and chases him out of the kitchen.
This is what Pond’s birthday has been like since he and Phuwin knew each other. They met by chance when Phuwin and Joong joined P’Tay’s model agency, which already had Pond and Dunk. They became friends quickly, faster than the owner and his partner expected, and became almost inseparable outside the agency – a true friendship that doesn’t happen very often in this profession. Five years ago, Pond opened the door of his condo and saw Phuwin in the doorway for the first time, holding a bag with the ingredients needed to make breakfast. No gift, no ‘Happy Birthday’, no cake, just breakfast and a full day planned.
Two years later, Pond asked him at the end of the day, just before blowing out the candles, if Phuwin would become his boyfriend. He then received the best possible gift from the younger man (despite the fact that he had another one prepared for Pond) – a loud and firm ‘yes’ and a passionate kiss, at the memory of which Pond still blushes.
A year later, Phuwin knocked on the door and when Pond opened it, he saw 2 suitcases and a shopping bag. This was the only time Phuwin started with a gift from himself.
This year, however, Pond feels that things are different. Or maybe he just sees something that isn’t there?
The gift from the owner of the model agency is not large, but when Pond opens it and sees its contents, he gasps in surprise. It is a necklace that Pond was in awe of at one of his photo shoots. He hasn’t spoken out loud to anyone about dreaming of it, and yet...
“Do you like it?”, Phuwin asks as he enters the living room with two plates in his hand. Pond nods with enthusiasm and a dorky grin on his face, to which Phuwin replies with his charming smile. “I’m glad. Come eat, the next gift is waiting for you at our neighbours’,” Phuwin says and winks at him.
‘At their neighbours’ means at Joong and Dunk’s, who live a floor below. Their friends bought their condo together two years ago, a few months before Phuwin moved in with Pond. They told everyone around them, except Pond and Phuwin, that they bought it as roommates, but no one, especially their parents, believed it, so on New Year’s Day they officially announced that they were in a relationship. No one was surprised, although they all pretended well.
“The next gift... is it just for me, or for our anniversary?”, Pond asks suspiciously, having the impression that Phuwin has been avoiding the subject of their anniversary ever since they got up.
“P’Pond... it’s your birthday,” Phuwin says only and starts eating, not taking his eyes off his boyfriend. Pond mutters not entirely satisfied with his answer but decides that he will eat his breakfast first and then begin his questioning.
---
The interrogation never happens, as Phuwin drags Pond to their friends’ condo just after the plates have been put in the dishwasher after breakfast. Phuwin opens the door with a spare key (because, of course, both couples have free access to their respective condos) and the smell of Pond’s favourite dessert –doughnuts– spreads from the entrance. Joong and Dunk are absent, but on the kitchen counter lies a box with doughnuts and a birthday greeting card on top, and next to it a diffuser with the scent coming out of it.
On the other side of the card is an address, at the sight of which Phuwin bursts out laughing. Pond doesn’t quite recognise the address, despite having lived in Bangkok all his life, but with a smile on his lips he allows himself to be led out of their friends’ condo and into Phuwin’s car.
“You won’t even let me drive?”, Pond asks quasi-sadly, to which Phuwin just rolls his eyes.
“It’s your birthday,” Phuwin repeats, and Pond squints hearing the same phrase again.
“And our anniversary,” he says, emphasising the last word. “Can I drive?”
“Nope, get in and don’t frown,” Phuwin says, but seeing Pond put his arms across his chest, he softens. “P’Pond... can you please get in the car without frowning and let me drive you to where our friends have decided to continue celebrating your birthday?”
Phuwin knows just how to ask the question so that Pond simply nods and does what Phuwin asks him to do without further whining. Some people think this is unnecessary submission, but Pond assumes it’s better to agree to what his partner wants than to argue about every silly thing. That doesn't mean he doesn’t fight for what he wants. But where he can, he lets Phuwin do as he pleases.
---
When they stop outside Joong’s house, Pond merely shakes his head over his complete confusion in Bangkok. On the landing by the door is a large box with the words “FOR POND ONLY” and a few bows attached to it here and there. Phuwin looks at the gift with a slight embarrassment, but a smile, a genuine one returns to his lips when he sees Pond's joy.
“Should I come with you?”, Phuwin asks to which Pond looks at him puzzled.
“Why shouldn’t you?”
“Well, I don’t know, the text on the box is quite notable,” Phuwin laughs, but steps out of the car and grabs Pond’s hand.
When they reach an entrance, the door opens and Joong’s mum stands in it with a wide smile on her face and hands Phuwin another birthday card and wishes Pond a happy birthday.
“Thank you, Aunty,” Pond replies, making a wai and bowing his head while receiving a blessing from the woman.
“The box is just a cover, lift it up, the gift is underneath,” Joong’s mum hints and closes the door, smiling once more at Pond and Phuwin beforehand.
Pond does as he’s told and makes no secret of the fact that the envelope at the bottom is not what he expected. Phuwin pats him on the shoulder and when the man doesn’t move, he bends down and picks up the envelope from the ground himself. The envelope reads “surprised?” on one side and “you’ll like this” on the other, written in Joong’s handwriting. Phuwin rolls his eyes and hands the gift to Pond.
“Well, I don’t know,” Pond replies to the writing on the envelope, but he opens it, and his eyes open wider. “Oh... okay, he was right.”
Inside are two plane tickets, for Pond and Phuwin, for a week’s stay in Osaka, Japan. Pond looks at Phuwin, who looks everywhere but at his boyfriend.
“Did you know?”, Pond asks to which Phuwin shyly nods. “It’s not just a gift for me.”
“Okay, so, this gift is technically for you and me, but also from me, so... let’s just say I invited myself to your holiday,” Phuwin replies, and Pond hugs him repeating over and over how grateful he is. “Joong, Dunk and I thought long and hard about what to get you and after consulting with P’Tay we decided that you and I could afford to take a week off. I also bought us a hotel room, so no, we won’t be sleeping under a bridge or on a park bench.”
Pond jumps up and down like a baby, all the while not letting go of Phuwin, who joins his boyfriend’s joy and grabs his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. After a while, they pull away from each other when Joong’s sister knocks on the window and shows them their car with her finger. They both bow apologetically and laughingly move to the car.
“So... this is a gift for our anniversary?”, Pond asks with anticipation in his voice, but Phuwin just shakes his head with his trademark smirk on his face.
“It’s your birthday gift, we’ll get to the anniversary gift later.”
---
Back in the car, Phuwin opens the birthday card they received from Joong’s mum, and this time Pond has no problem recognising the address – it’s one of their favourite places to walk. When they get there, they barely manage to squeeze into the only available parking space. Eventually they set off on their typical walking route, from which they step off every now and then to enter a souvenir shop (from which they leave with nothing) or a café or ice cream parlour. They talk about everything and nothing, holding hands all the time or hugging when the crowd on the street is too big.
Pond notices that Phuwin is getting more and more restless with every passing hour, which automatically feeds into him too. As they eat their late lunch, Phuwin pats his trouser pockets every now and then, or checks something on his phone, and Pond starts to think more and more about everything.
“Are you all right, Phu?”, he finally asks his boyfriend. Phuwin wipes his forehead of sweat, even though it is not at all that hot in the restaurant they are in, and nods. “You look like you’re sick,” Pond says concerned.
“I’m fine, Phi,” Phuwin says, but his voice is shaking, so Pond just looks on expectantly. “Oh gosh, don’t stare like that or I’ll get shy,” Phuwin kicks him lightly under the table and grins. “I’m not sick, it’s just... thoughts.”
‘Thoughts’ torment not just Phuwin. Seeing his nervousness, Pond starts to fall into his typical over-thinking mode and only Phuwin’s light hand squeezes keep him as sane as possible. Pond only now realises that Phuwin is the only one who has paid for everything so far, so he almost snatches the bill from his hand, but Phuwin’s card lands faster than his on the reader.
“It’s our anniversary,” Pond repeats like a mantra.
“It’s your birthday,” Phuwin says, mimicking his tone. “Let me spoil you once a year. Let this be my anniversary gift from you.” Phuwin’s pleading eyes are all Pond needs to agree to whatever his boyfriend wants.
On the way to the car, Phuwin almost never takes his eyes off his phone, all the while texting someone. Pond tries to glance at the screen, but Phuwin just looks at him disappointed.
“It’s just JD. I’m not cheating on you,” he says as if it’s obvious. “Or at least not on your birthday, what would that look like?”, he adds with a laugh, but Pond isn’t amused by this and gets into the car a little sullen. “P’Pond... I was really texting with Joong and Dunk. I swear,” Phuwin says and kisses him on the cheek. “Don’t be sad, please.”
Pond does his best, but his thoughts do what they want and drag him down along with all the darkest scenarios he can imagine.
---
When they return to the condo, it’s dark inside, the curtains are drawn and even the lamp standing on the small table next to the sofa, which they always leave on before leaving the condo, is switched off. Anxiety takes over Pond, he only now recalls the first of his dreams and tears slowly start to run down his cheek at the mere memory. No, I beg, no , he asks in his mind as he slowly turns to face Phuwin, whom he can barely see in the darkness.
Phuwin is standing in front of him with his gentle smile on his face, one hand in his pocket and the other beginning to caress Pond’s chest. “You know, I thought about something,” Phuwin begins, and Pond swallows loudly, closing his eyes. If ‘this’ is going to happen, he doesn’t want to look at the face he loves so much. “It was fun for us, being boyfriends, wasn’t it?”
Pond nods, his head dropping, beginning to sob aloud. “The best,” he says in a barely audible whisper.
“But...”
“Don’t break up with me. I beg. I’ll try harder. I’ll be a better boyfriend. I swear. I promise. I’ll do whatever you want...”, Pond spits out sentence after sentence, failing to hold back loud sobs, and when he finally raises his head and looks at Phuwin, he sees disbelief in his eyes.
“P’Pond? Why are you crying? What ‘break up’ with you? I...”, Phuwin tries to gather his thoughts but can’t, so he simply turns on the light, slightly blinding them both, and turns Pond back towards the living room.
The entire floor is draped in balloons, there are pictures of them together plastered on the wall, and a “Will you marry me?” sign is tacked on the curtain. Pond blinks in surprise and wipes the last tears from his cheeks, then turns to Phuwin, who kneels down on one knee and holds out a hand with an open box in front of him.
“I don’t want you to be a better boyfriend. You are the best I could have dreamed of. You’re everything I need, but... it’s not enough for me anymore. So... one day, when our laws allow us to be who we want and do what we want... will you marry me then?”, Phuwin asks and looks at Pond pleadingly.
All the nerves, all the unnecessary and stupid thoughts Pond had... He falls down in front of Phuwin and hugs him as tightly as he can without hurting him.
“Oh, P’Pond,” Phuwin whispers and caresses his back as Pond begins to sob again. “This was supposed to be a nice moment. Please don’t cry. You know I’m no good at comforting,” he says when Pond doesn’t calm down, causing the older guy to chuckle softly.
“I love you so much,” Pond breathes out. “Of course I’ll marry you.”
“I’m glad,” Phuwin cups Pond’s face and leaves a kiss on his forehead before wiping the tears from his cheeks. “And I love you too, but can we get up now?”
---
“I... I’ve got a gift for you too,” Pond says as they sit down on the sofa with wine glasses in their hands.
“Oh?”, Phuwin claps his hands and grins. “Give give give!”
Pond giggles, sets his glass down on the coffee table and, glancing at Phuwin, walks to the bedroom, where he pulls a box from the very bottom of his underwear drawer. When Phuwin notices what Pond is holding in his hand, he begins to giggle.
“It’s not what you think!”, Pond stops him, then crouches down next to him. “Okay, it might be what you think, but not in this context, although now it might be in this context too?”
“Did you want to give me a ring too?”, Phuwin asks, and his eyes well up with tears.
“A promise ring,” Pond says with a tremor in his voice. “But now it can be an engagement ring if you want, fiancé.”
“I like how that sounds,” Phuwin chuckles and wipes away a single tear falling. “Let it be, fiancé.”