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My life really changed when Mafuyu came.
It changed two times. When we first started working together, and when she started to live with me.
Both of these times the change was good. I started to feel less lonely now that she's here.
It's nice to have someone around. And it seems like she is a little better when I'm around, too.
I feel closer to her now. She's quiet most of the time, but now that I'm used to it, I think I've learned to understand her reactions better. It seems that it has become easier for her to open up too.
We were sitting in my room after we made another song. Amia and Enanan went to bed, so we were alone in silence.
"Kanade, what do you feel when I'm around?" Mafuyu asked.
I couldn't say I never thought about what I felt for her. But still I had no idea how to answer.
"I think I feel happy when you're around. Why do you ask?" I replied. Basically it was true. I really do feel happy when she's with me.
"I asked because I want to recognise what i feel. When I'm around you, my heart starts beating faster than usual and my chest feels warm. At first I thought it was because we didn't see eachother often, and it was nice to see you once in a while. But now I see you every day and still.. it doesn't seem to change."
I felt something inside of me overturned. I guess I understood what she feels better than she did.
I love you too, Mafuyu.
I never said it, even though I wanted to.
I looked at her, giggling. She looked back with pure confusion
"What's funny?"
"Nothing, Mafuyu. I'm just glad you feel that way about me."
She nodded.
"I see." And I could bet I've seen her smile too. Just for a moment.
"So do you know what is this feeling, Kanade?"
I could never tell her what it is. Oh, no.
"I can't say I do, but I know it's not bad. How about we figure it out together?"
I took her hand, gently squeezing it
"Okay."
I hope soon we'll figure it out.
So I couldn't say I never thought about what I felt for her.
But I tried not to, because our relationship was special enough and I knew she doesn't even know what love feels like.
Her inability to love never hurt me, only motivated to work harder. It was my choice to try to save her, and it was my choice to keep my feelings like that.
It wasn't bothering me before.
Now I'm not scared to admit how much I love her, so it's still doesn't bother me.