Chapter Text
Alone.
Alone, in his room.
Alone, with his thoughts.
Subspace was alone.
Subspace needed time. Time to think, time to process, and he thought he had needed it alone. He had died. He died, and he had come back. He was gone for so long. Six years. Six whole years. Subspace’s nose stung and tears welled up in his eyes. Hyperlaser’s scars, they were lighter, and wrinkles were visibly beginning to form on her face. Katana’s joints were worse, and his fur was thinning. Boombox had remarried. The Biografts had grown into young teenagers. Some had even moved away from Thieve’s Den. Medkit and Banhammer had kids. Medkit hurt Subspace’s kids. Illumina, it made him angry. His poor babies. He should’ve been there. He had missed so much. So much.
Subspace’s chest tightened. He couldn’t stop his breaths from shallowing and increasing in speed. He hunched in on himself, hugging himself and digging his claws into his ribs. Tears fell. He missed everything. EVERYTHING. Subspace shook, gasping desperately for air he couldn’t quite seem to grasp; it was like trying to grab hold of something slippery. His vision darkened at the corners. His hands felt cold and numb. He could barely think anymore, and his head felt airy and light. He opened his mouth and thick saliva dripped from it as he yelled. He screamed his throat raw for minutes. It was too much. He’d missed everything. The regret, the self-hatred, the pain, it was coming back, and all he could do was scream. He wished he had stayed dead. He dug his claws further into his stomach, and one cut a bit of the fabric that covered the area. He was going to pass out.
Warmth.
Arms slipped around Subspace’s torso, lifting the man carefully and pulling zim into their lap. Subspace couldn’t tell who it was, too lost in zis mind, but ze let zimself rest against the person. They held zim and rocked slowly, rubbing circles into zis back and speaking reassurances and affirmations that Subspace could not understand. The person told Subspace to breathe with them. Ze tried. Zis shaking breaths slowed to match the others, the ones coming from the chest ze rested on.
“Shh. Shh. You will be okay. You are safe. We are here.”
We?
Subspace realized the hand rubbing zis back belonged to someone that was not holding zim.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, we’re here, hermano. We’re here, okay?”
A whimper left Subspace’s lips. Hyperlaser. Hyperlaser. Hyperlaser, zis frére. Ze was her hermano. The chest his head rested on- it was soft and incredibly furry. Katana’s.
“Fr-ére,” Subspace’s voice broke.
“Yeah?” Hyperlaser answered.
Subspace reached for Hyperlaser with one hand, and beam took hold of his hand gently, their fingers intertwining. Beam got closer to him, sitting on Katana’s thigh beside Subspace, and leaned onto the shoulder of beams brother. Subspace let beam do it and relaxed against Katana. Katana rubbed gentle circles into the side of Subspace’s bicep.
“I’m here.” Hyperlaser reassured.
“It hu-urts,” Subspace mumbled, his voice somewhat hoarse.
“What hurts, Subspace?” Katana asked softly. His voice rumbled his chest. Subspace could feel it.
“I just-... so m-much has changed. I’ve missed it all, ‘Tana. It’s... scary.”
“I would imagine it is.” Katana hummed, not completely sure of how to respond. “You will grow to accept it over time, I’m sure of it. But it is okay to be afraid. It is okay to yearn for what you have missed. Just do not wallow in it too much, yes?”
“...M’kay.”
“Would you like to talk to Vinestaff about it, Subspace? I do believe she would relate to you quite a lot. You are both going through the same situation. You are not alone; do not forget that.”
“I’m not alone.” Subspace repeated quietly to himself.
“You’re not alone.” Hyperlaser murmured to him.
Subspace was not alone.
Not alone, with his thoughts.
Not alone, in his room.
Not alone.