Chapter Text
TIA
Elliot knows he shouldn’t drink so much grappa; he’s going to regret it in the morning. He doesn’t even particularly care for the drink, but when Tia showed up with a bottle straight from Italy, who was he to say no. He missed his former partner. Not in the same way he had missed Liv while he was gone (like part of his soul was missing) but missed her like you miss a coworker when you change jobs. They’d worked well together, even if it wasn’t seamless the way it was with Liv.
He knows that Tia had feelings for him while they were partnered up, but it was never like that for him. She’s making her feelings clear tonight, though. Casual touches to his arm as she passes by him to get them more to drink. Mentioning that she went through a breakup a few months ago. Asking if he’s seeing anyone.
“I’m not, but-” He stops, not wanting to say too much, because he’s not seeing someone, even if he would like to be. Even if he would like to be seeing someone specific.
“Oh! Who is she?”
He’s drunk, but he’s not too drunk to see the flash of jealousy in her eyes when he says, “My partner. Former partner. There’s - there’s nothing going on, but-”
“But you’d like there to be?”
“Yeah. Liv’s great. I think you two would like each other.”
“Tell me about her,” Tia says as she passes him his drink.
He tries to clear the fog from his brain and figure out where to begin. He decides that the end is as good a place as any. “We were partners for thirteen years: 1998 to 2011. As partners, we had one of the best closure rates of any team in the city. Was like we each instinctively knew what the other was thinking sometimes. Anyway, our last case a woman was preparing to testify against the man who raped her, and she was shot and killed while she was out shopping with her daughter. We figured out that the rapist was involved in the shooting, and - it’s all a shitshow - the gun was supplied by a federal agent. Her daughter - Jenna - comes in, and we let her know that we had the men responsible in custody. Didn’t realize until it was too late that she had a gun. She shot the men we’d arrested. Shot a nun - a friend of ours - who had stopped by to drop off a piece of evidence she’d found. Olivia was on the floor trying to help Sister Peg, and Jenna was still waving the gun around. She pointed it in Liv’s direction, and I shot her. That was the last time I saw Olivia until we came back to the city, and Kathy-” He clears his throat, shakes his head. “I couldn’t bear to go back to SVU, but I also couldn’t face what I’d done. I’d put Liv before the job.”
“It sounds like you did what you had to do to protect the people you worked with.”
“I did it to protect Liv, but not because she was my partner,” he’s slurring his words slightly. “I did it because I love her and couldn’t lose her, and I still ended up losing her.”
“You love her?” Tia cocks an eyebrow. “Still?”
“10 years, 4000 miles, and an ocean didn’t stop it.”
“Have you told her?”
Elliot rubs a hand across the top of his head and responds sheepishly, “See here’s the thing. My kids, rightfully so, organized an intervention a few months after Eli and I moved back. Liv was there, and I might have blurted it out in front of all of them.”
Tia bursts out laughing. “You did not!”
“Not my finest moment.”
FIN
Olivia knows that Fin noticed the necklace immediately. She hadn’t been wearing one, Elliot stopped by, and when Fin came into her office a few minutes later, she’d already clasped it around her neck. That was two weeks ago, though, and he’s not mentioned it yet.
He’s currently sitting across from her at her desk. She’s just glad to finally be able to sit (mostly) comfortably. They started out discussing the case the team just closed but transitioned into more personal topics. They’ve not had a chance recently to sit down and catch up. Phoebe is out of town visiting her sister, so he’s in no rush to get home, and Noah is at a week-long dance camp that was planned before Ohio.
“New necklace?” There it is.
She reaches up to rub her thumb across the face of the compass and chuckles as she says, “You know it is.”
“Yeah, I do,” he says with a smile on his face. “Stabler’s gone again?”
The way he says it, she’s not sure if it’s a question or a statement, but she responds anyway. “New UC assignment. Whelan was supposed to go, but-”
“Yeah. How’s he taking that?”
Olivia takes a deep breath. “It’s never easy, but he seems okay. Or at least like he wants to be okay. He doesn’t seem lost.”
“That’s something at least.” He smirks, and she knows he’s about to lighten the mood. “So, you two together now, or what? He liked it, so he put a big ass necklace on it?”
“What? No, Fin, we’re just friends.” When he glares at her, she continues, “It felt good to work with him again, to see him so much over the last few weeks. We, umm, we’re going to keep in touch by text while he’s under if he can do it safely.”
Fin nods but doesn’t say anything at first, seemingly considering his next words carefully. “And when he’s back?”
“When he’s back we’ll see what happens. We don’t know how long he’ll be gone or what he’ll run into while he’s away. He’s made his intentions very clear.” She gestures to the necklace with a smile. “Now, I just have to wrap my mind around the fact that this is even an option. Fin, for so long I wasn’t allowed to think of him as anything other than my friend and partner. Now that it’s okay that I love him, it’s like I’m paralyzed by the possibility.”
“It’s no secret that I’ve never been the man’s biggest fan, but I just need to know one thing. Does he make you happy, Liv?”
“Yeah,” she smiles. “He does.”
“Then I think you have your answer. You know, Phoebe and I went through a similar thing when we were partners, only she was the one in a relationship. Once we were both single and gave it a shot, everything fell into place. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we still disagree plenty - just look at the non-wedding wedding as exhibit 1. But the good outweighs the hard by a thousand to one.”
It’s not often they get to spend so much time talking like this, but Olivia is grateful they had the time today. “Thanks, Fin. I needed this talk. I know you’re right, but it’s taking me a little while to get there.”
“But you want to get there?”
“Yeah.” She rubs the face of the compass again. “I do.”
BERNIE
“Mama?” Elliot opens his mother’s bedroom door, but she isn’t there. She wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen on his way through the apartment either. “Mama,” he calls.
He spots her through the patio doors, sitting in the rocking chair he put out there for her last week. It’s a little chilly, so he grabs the blanket from the back of the couch on his way out to her. “There you are,” he says as he unfolds the blanket and lays it across her lap. “It’s a little chilly to be out here, isn’t it?”
She smiles and looks up toward the night sky. “It’s not so bad. Oh! I meant to tell you - I talked to your partner this afternoon.” She cuts her eyes at him.
“Liv called?” He hadn’t expected that.
“No, she stopped by. Said she was in the neighborhood. Asked me to tell you something, but I can’t remember now what it was,” she says sheepishly.
“That’s alright, Mama. I’ll text her.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and sends the text right away, assuring his mother that it’s really okay, & neither he nor Olivia are angry that she forgot.
“You kids set a date yet?”
“What’s that?”
“For the wedding, silly!”
His phone buzzes in his hand, Olivia confirming that she had stopped by - last week. The message she left was just asking him to give her a call when he had a minute. Later tonight, he promises. After Mama’s in bed.
“No, Mama. Olivia and I are just friends.”
“But you like her.”
He smiles. “I love her, Mama, but I hurt her. I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to me again.”
“She will. She loves you, too, Son.”
“She said that?” Elliot is surprised.
He swears his mother’s eyes practically twinkle when she turns his direction and says, “She didn’t have to say it. She works in Manhattan and just happened to find herself in Long Island City on a Tuesday afternoon? Likely story.” It’s Thursday. Liv said in her text that she was there the previous week - on Tuesday.
“Alright, Detective Bernie. I think that’s enough police work for tonight,” he jokes, trying to end the conversation.
“Have you told her? That you love her, I mean?”
“No, Mama. I haven’t.” He’s not about to tell her that he blurted it out in front of her and his kids only a few months after their mother died.
“But you will,” she sounds certain.
“I don’t want to scare her off before we have a chance to try to be something more, but, yeah, eventually I’d like to tell her.”
Bernie sighs, seemingly content. She reaches out a shaky hand to grasp his wrist. “Good. I just want you to be happy, Son.”
AMANDA
The box of wine is quickly emptying as Olivia refills both her glass and Amanda’s. She hasn’t had boxed wine since the night they spent in the motel upstate, and it’s honestly not as bad as she remembers. Being on their third (or maybe 4th) glass each may play a role in that assessment, though. She’s certain she’ll have a terrible headache in the morning; she remembers that from last time and already has the bottle of Tylenol on her bedside table.
They’re at Olivia’s apartment - Noah is at Connor’s and Carisi has all three of his and Amanda’s kids under control for the night. Amanda showed up a couple of hours ago with the box of wine and a bag of Chinese takeout, calling for an emergency girl’s night. The flu has just made the rounds through her family, and now that they’re all healthy again, she’s dying for some grown-up conversation with her friend.
“So?” Amanda has been not-so-subtly prying her for information on Elliot for the last couple of minutes and has obviously decided to be more direct. “Heard from Stabler lately?”
Olivia rolls her eyes and laughs at her friend. “As a matter of fact, I have. He got back a couple of weeks ago, and we’ve been texting. He’s got a lot going on with his mom right now.”
“So you two still haven’t gotten that hotel room?”
“No, Amanda. We haven’t. It’s just so-”
“Complicated. I know.” Amanda hiccups. “So you’ve said. Tell me something - back then - did you love him?”
Olivia hears herself answering before she has time to think about what she’s saying, the wine acting as truth serum. “Yes, I love him. Somehow, even after all this time, after he left for ten years without a word, he still knows me better than anyone.”
Amanda’s eyes are wide, and Olivia doesn’t think she’s ever seen her smile quite so wide. “Present tense?”
With a sigh of resignation, Olivia confirms, “Yeah. I mean, it was obviously rough there for a while when he first came back, but he was deep in a pit of grief and PTSD. I was drowning in my own feelings about ‘how can I just let him back into my life,’ and it was easier to keep my distance. This last UC, though. I think it was hard on both of us - brought up a lot of old feelings, good and bad. We’re really making an effort to communicate now that he’s back.”
“Does he know how you feel?”
“Kind of? We, umm, almost had a moment in the kitchen after he brought Noah home last year.” Olivia has tears in her eyes, remembering how she felt that night. “But I wasn’t ready, and he respected that. I- I told him I was afraid about what would happen if it didn’t work out, and he just said ‘but what if it works out?’ I didn’t know what to say to that, because -” She huffs out a sigh. “Because things never just ‘work out’ for me, and I can’t lose our friendship again. We’ve not really talked about it since then, other than to say that we have shit timing. Next thing I knew, we were in Ohio, I was shot, and he was heading back undercover.”
Amanda takes in everything Olivia has to say. She wants her friend to be happy, and she’s seen her with Stabler. Even with a bounty on their heads, she doesn’t think she’s seen her as youthful and happy as she was while working that case with him. She tells her so, and then says, “Advice? I think you should tell him. Let’s say you give it a shot, and you realize that you’re better off as friends. Do you think he would walk away again?”
“No,” Olivia replies, and she means it. He has told her that he will never abandon her like that again - that he never should have in the first place - and she believes him.
“Then what do you have to lose?”
AYANNA
Ayanna has officially been back at work for a week. She’s exhausted, but when Elliot offers to take her out for a celebratory drink, she is quick to agree. She’s not actually allowed to drink with the medication she’s still on, though, so she suggests they grab a bite to eat instead.
He tells her, “I know a place.”
On the drive into Manhattan, she asks him where he’s taking her. She’d expected them to end up near his place in Long Island City, not midtown. “There's a place near my old precinct. It’s just a little hole-in-the-wall joint that Liv and I used to go to all the time back in the day. It was one of our favorites. They make a mean burger.”
They pull into a parking spot, and, as if on cue, Ayanna’s stomach growls from the passenger seat. They both laugh, and he assures her that they also have quick service.
“Detective Stabler! As I live and breathe!”
Elliot turns toward the voice as Ayanna takes her seat. “Rosa, what are you still doing here?”
The waitress joins them at their table and throws her arm around Elliot’s waist for a quick side hug. “An old woman’s got to eat, now don’t she?”
“Fair enough.” Elliot chuckles and catches Ayanna’s amused eye as he sits down. “Rosa, this is my Sergeant, Ayanna Bell.”
“Nice to meet you, Sergeant.” She greets her warmly before turning her attention back to Elliot, “Now tell me, Detective Stabler, where have you been? I asked Detective Benson about you the last time I saw her - God, that’s been years now - and she said you two’d lost touch.”
Elliot grimaces and his face flushes with embarrassment. He cuts his eyes to Ayanna who seems interested in hearing what he has to say. “Yeah, that was my fault. Case went bad, and - long story short - I couldn’t take it, so I left the force. Cut all ties. I spent some time in Europe doing private security & rejoined the force about five or six years later, based in Rome.”
“Ooh! Fancy! How was that?”
“It was - fine. I mean, it was nice, but it wasn’t home.” He smiles reverently. “I’ve been home for about three years now.”
“The City’s glad to have you back. I’ll be right back with your food.” With that she’s gone, leaving Ayanna confused.
“We didn’t even order?”
Elliot laughs. “Don't question Rosa. Whatever she brings over will be great.”
Just a minute or two later, Rosa returns with two burgers and extra fries. She turns to walk away but turns back. Ayanna glances at her before turning back to her food. Elliot looks to the older woman while she figures out what she wants to say. “She loved you, you know? Probably still does.”
Elliot sees Ayanna pretending to be very interested in her burger, but he knows she’s hearing every word. “I know, Rosa. I love her, too, but I was-”
“Married. I know. I used to see the ring.” Rosa sighs and rolls her eyes. “I see lots of things. Just like I can’t help but notice you aren’t wearing one now.” Elliot sees a flash of remembrance cross her face. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I heard about your wife on the news when it happened. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Elliot reaches his hand out to gently grasp her wrist in assurance. “Rosa, it’s okay. Thank you. I’m doing okay now. Liv, umm Captain Benson, and Ayanna here have been very supportive. It was pretty rough there for a while, but I’m okay.”
After one more reassurance, Rosa leaves them alone to eat their food. Ayanna asks gently a minute later, “You love her?”
“Hmm?” Elliot questions around a bite of his burger.
“Captain Benson - Liv. You love her.”
“Well, yeah,” he flushes. “I mean, we worked together for so long & know so much-”
Ayanna holds up her hand to stop his rambling. “It wasn’t a criticism, Stabler. It’s just nice to hear you admit it,” she says with a soft smile.