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First things first: Kakashi never intended for anything like this to happen. He never intended to fall down this rabbit hole of drama and revenge. And yet here he was, sitting within a circle of women, his chest full to bursting with passion and excitement.
It all started with Yukie Fujikaze: the actress.
Perhaps Kakashi was a little overzealous in considering her a friend of some sort. After all, he had played a part in helping her in the Land of Snow so many years ago. She was so grateful to him and Team 7 for all of their hard work. And then it was revealed that she had won the role of Junko, the leading lady of the Makeout Paradise film adaptations. She was perfectly cast, the spitting image of Kakashi had always imagined her. Not to mention her understanding of and attention to detail within the role. She truly embodied their beloved Junko in ways that Kakashi could hardly articulate.
Once the film series had completed, however, Kakashi was left with a bitter emptiness in the pit of his chest. Sure, he could rewatch the movies whenever he wanted but it wasn’t quite the same. A part of him yearned for more. And so when it came to pass that Yukie had landed a new role, Kakashi was intrigued. He scanned the newspaper article for more information, desperate as a starving stray dog. She had been cast, he discovered, in a new role for a long-running daytime soap opera.
Kakashi did not know much about soap operas, but he knew the reputation they held. They were cheesy afternoon guilty pleasures for stay-at-home moms desperate for drama in their otherwise dull lives, complete with bad acting and even worse writing. But if it was good enough for Yukie, then perhaps it was worth giving a try. Kakashi took note of the day and time of the episode in which character would debut, and tried not to think too much more on the matter. But he hated to admit that he kept checking the calendar and then the clock, obsessively eager for a taste of this intriguing new prospect. He discretely cleared his calendar for the day and when the time had come, he settled in on the couch and turned on the appropriate channel.
At first, Kakashi couldn’t believe he was stooping so low. Everything about this was laughably cheesy, from the way Yukie’s character fell upon her love interest desperate for forgiveness about a crime she didn’t commit to the dramatic music and far-too-long camera focuses on overdone facial expressions. And yet Kakashi could not look away. When the episode was finally over, he felt that same emptiness in his chest as he had during the credits of Makeout Tactics. He wanted more. At least this time, he could all too soon get another fill. He just had to wait for the next afternoon.
The longer this progressed, and the further down Kakashi spiralled into this pit of soap opera madness, the more suspicious his comrades became. They began to wonder if he had perhaps adopted a new ritual for visiting the memorial stone, if there was some significance to dropping everything and disappearing at exactly 4pm every single day. It was Kurenai, however, who felt compelled to dig deeper into this new mystery.
While Mirai was out training, Kurenai made her way to Kakashi’s apartment and casually knocked on the door. “Kakashi? Are you home?” she asked. Silence. She peeked through the window in hopes of finding a hint of life, and for a brief moment the curtain fluttered. And then the door opened and Kakashi pasted a cavalier smile upon his masked face.
“Hey, Kurenai. It’s not often that you stop by. Is something the matter?” he asked. Though calm and cool on the outside, Kurenai could tell that something was bothering him deep down. A certain sense of impatience.
“No, not really. I was just in the neighborhood and figured I’d stop by. We don’t see each other much anymore, Kakashi” she explained. Then, peering over his shoulder into the apartment, she smiled and asked, “May I come in?”
“Um, well, actually now is not the best time” Kakashi said nervously, trying to close the gap between himself and the open space of the doorway. “See, I had a recent plumbing leak in my bathroom. Water everywhere. Not a pretty sight.”
“Oh, that’s a real shame” Kurenai pouted, almost mockingly. “Hopefully the water didn’t damage any of your TV’s wires. It would be such a shame to miss out on an episode of Tried and True , wouldn’t it?”
Kakashi’s face went bright red behind his mask. “Uh, what are you talking about?” he asked with a nervous laugh.
Kurenai stared back at him blankly, unamused. “Oh, come on, Kakashi. I’m not stupid. Why else would you be so eager to rush home at 4pm on a Tuesday?”
“Maybe I have an appointment with maintenance” he lied.
“Oh, yes, for your broken pipes, right?” Kurenai asked. She was teasing him now and Kakashi wasn’t quite sure he liked it. Then, peering down at his bare feet, she replied, “It’s amazing how not even your feet or the bottom of your pants are wet, however. You’d think with a leak that bad, you’d be up to your knees in sewage.”
Kakashi sucked in a deep breath, clenched his fist resting upon the doorway. The clock on his kitchen wall struck 4. That all-too-familiar tune rang from the TV. The jig was up. If Kakashi didn’t admit defeat soon, he would miss this afternoon’s episode and he needed to know what was going to happen. All too quickly, he pulled Kurenai into his apartment and sat her down on the couch.
“You will tell no one about this, is that understood?” he said with a death stare. Kurenai stifled a laugh as she nodded and together, they sat and indulged in the afternoon soap. And to Kakashi’s surprise, Kurenai was into it, too. “I didn’t realize you were a fan” he said as the episode ended.
“My mom and I used to watch it together here and there when I was younger. If I was home sick from school, she’d get me settled in on the couch with a blanket and a cup of hot soup and we’d watch Tried and True together” she explained. “Now, I’ve fallen in and out of line with it over the years so I’m no expert or anything, but since Mirai was born and I retired from the field, I’ll admit I’ve gotten back into it a bit more.”
Kakashi sighed in relief. “It’s so good to know someone else likes the show, too” he said. Then, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, he added, “I’ll admit, I’m a little embarrassed to say I’ve gotten hooked.”
“You’d be surprised how many women would find that attractive, Kakashi” Kurenai assured him. Not that his own love life was ever really a priority for him, but it was worth mentioning regardless. “So many women in this village bond over soap operas, but their boyfriends and husbands just think they’re cheesy and stupid. They don’t understand, but the fact that you do? Well, I can certainly say you are few and far between.”
“Do you really think so?” Kakashi asked.
“I know so” Kurenai said, rising from her seat then. “Say, I know a group of women who meet up every week at the community center to talk about the week’s episodes and what they think will happen next. Kind of like a book club but for soap operas. If you’re interested, I can let them know?”
The idea of being so open about his newfound soap opera addiction was a little daunting, but Kakashi didn’t want to seem rude and flat-out deny the offer. He told Kurenai he would appreciate it and she gave him the address and the time of the weekly meetings. Kakashi toyed with the little slip of paper in his hand as he bid Kurenai goodbye then, and tried not to let himself realistically consider attending.
And yet now here he was on a Friday evening, surrounded by women of all ages from around the village, gushing over the complicated relationships and deep-seated betrayal. And to his surprise, they were all so welcoming to him. Maybe it was just because he was a bachelor, or maybe because he was a renowned shinobi and former Hokage, but still. Deep down, to them, he could tell that none of that mattered. In this room, they were all equals united by one thing and one thing only: their love for this cheesy, decades-long soap opera.
Kakashi was made to feel so welcome among them, that he didn’t even think twice about returning the following week. As he walked back home that evening, he couldn’t help but laugh to himself about this strange and almost hilarious turn of events. To think, Kakashi Hatake of the Sharingan, who had copied over a thousand jutsu, helped save the world from the most powerful resurrected shinobi, and served as one of the most formidable Hokages in history, was spending his retirement knee-deep in soap opera madness. Though really, it made perfect sense. Soap operas were not much different than the Makeout books, after all. Perhaps he really was just a sucker for this level of drama, fluttering of the heart, burning tragedy, evil secrets, and the love of a man and woman.