Work Text:
It all starts when you join the BAU.
You walk past the glass doors and immediately feel eyes on you. Of course, you’re a new face. They have never seen you before. You are instantly intimidated by the suits and the files on the desk and the dark brown eyes staring at you.
“Hello,” A tall raven-haired woman approaches you. The one with dark brown eyes. “Do you need help with something?”
You bow your head a little as a sign of respect. “Hi, I’m here for the unit chief? Agent Aaron Hotchner?”
“Oh, sure. Let me show you to his office. You must be the transferee from the Hostage Rescue Team.” Emily offers her hand for a handshake. “I’m SSA Emily Prentiss.”
You shake her hand firmly and smile. “I’m Y/N.”
“I’m looking forward to working with you.”
“You too.”
When Emily leaves you at Hotch’s office, something in her ribcage hurts and her stomach suddenly feels weird. And when you mouthed a thank you and flashed her a smile that reached your eyes, Emily thought her heart might drop to the floor.
After a short talk with the unit chief, Hotch introduces you to the team. You meet all of them - Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, David Rossi, Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia.
“Where’s JJ?” Hotch asks.
“I’m here, I’m here,” A blonde blue-eyed woman approaches the team. She’s carrying tons of files in her arms. “Hi, I’m Jennifer Jareau, communications liaison. Everybody calls me JJ.”
And the way your eyes twinkle as you and JJ shake hands doesn’t get past Emily’s scrutinizing eyes.
Emily has yet to know why but her rib cage might explode because of how fast her heart goes.
Your adjustment with the team isn’t easy at all. They have known each other for years and you’re the newcomer after all. But all of them have been kind and welcoming to you so far.
You are partnered with Emily and Derek most of the time. You spend a lot of time sitting at the back of the SUV and listening to them talk about their theories regarding the UnSub, which you have been fond of because you learn a lot from their insights.
Emily has always been considerate of you though. She always asks your opinions which you assume she does so you won’t feel left out or unheard.
“You can always speak your mind, Y/N. You’ll never know what might help our case.” Emily says to you, tapping your shoulder.
“I will try. Thank you, Emily.”
Emily has never loved her name until you said it and Emily knew she’s a goner.
It is the first time you accepted an invitation for drinks from your colleagues. It’s not the first time they asked though. If you’re not wrong, this would be the third.
Spencer was the first person who invited you but you politely turned down the invitation due to your throbbing migraine at that time.
The second time, it was Emily. She told you the team is gathering for dinner and drinks at Rossi's and everyone would love it if you would come. But you feel something’s off. You didn’t deserve to dance with their victory just yet. You haven’t earned it yet. So, you told Emily you can’t make it because you’re meeting your parents that night and you haven’t seen them in a while, which is technically true. (Hint: Your parents died when you were sixteen.)
Tonight though, the third time, JJ approaches you. Her smile is so radiant that the sun would be so jealous.
JJ sits on your desk. “So … we’re betting who could make you say yes to drinks with the team.” JJ speaks faintly, but still just loud enough for the people on the next desks to hear. “I need the cash.”
You snort. “What’s in it for me?” You ask boldly.
Derek wolf-whistles. Spencer watches the scene unravel. And Emily tries to hide a glare by playing minesweeper on her computer.
“Pasta, wine and my eternal gratitude and friendship.” JJ folds her arms. “So, what do you say? We’ll split the cash?” She wiggles her eyebrows.
“Deal.” You shake JJ’s hand.
Groans are heard and JJ does a mini dance while collecting 20s from her friends. You catch Emily’s quick stare. She’s probably pissed at you for losing the bet.
Since that night at Rossi’s, you and JJ start spending more time together, both in the field and at the office. It’s not your fault though. It’s just something that happens. After all, Hotch declares who goes with who.
During your work travels, JJ always chooses you to bunk with her at the hotels you stay at while the others mix and match with their own roommates. Nobody else complains and so you don’t either. You like spending time with her and it’s not so bad when you hear her sleeping soundly at nights that leave you awake.
You and the team are in New Orleans for a case. New Orleans PD has requested the FBI’s help about a series of murders involving several - twelve, so far - white redhead women.
There’s something reserved about JJ’s smile when she approaches a certain policeman you don’t recognize. He introduces himself as William LaMontagne Jr. and you catch the way JJ’s shoulder brush against his multiple times when he discusses the case.
“He and JJ had a thing,” Emily tells you as you both proceed to the crime scene. “On and off, I guess.”
“Oh.” You frown. You don’t know why Emily is telling you this. Maybe you should try being more subtle.
Emily wishes she didn’t tell you this instead because the frown on your face has been more frequent as the days of this unsolved case pass.
JJ invites you to a pub near the hotel. The BAU and New Orleans PD just caught the serial killer this morning and somehow, everything feels right again in the city. You happily accept her invitation and put on your coat, walking past the rooms of your colleagues who must already be asleep.
JJ links your arms together the whole time of the walk to the pub. The only time she lets go of you was when you saw a familiar face waiting for her at the counter.
Will.
JJ kisses him on the cheek and he holds her wrist when she places a hand on his chest.
You want to vomit. Must be the acid. But you haven’t had drinks yet?
You go back to your hotel alone that night. JJ and Will dropped you off at the lobby, claiming they will just take a walk around and he promises to bring her back early tomorrow for your flight.
So now, you’re in the hotel lobby watching people pass by.
“Y/N?” Emily calls you. She’s still wearing her clothes from this morning and from the looks of it, she hasn’t slept yet either. Emily sits next to you. “What are you doing here?”
“Just … thinking.” Emily glances at the way you’re clicking your thumb and middle finger. “I’m okay. I just can’t sleep yet.”
“Does JJ know you’re here?”
“She’s with Will.” You respond impassively.
Ah.
Now, Emily knows why you’re here.
“Do you play scrabble?” Emily asks.
“Yeah.”
“I have one in my room.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
It’s the first time today that Emily saw you smile without restraint.
“So, where are you staying now?” Spencer asks JJ one afternoon in the bullpen.
“Well, that I’m still trying to figure out.” JJ sighs. “I might stay here for the meantime.”
“Here at the office? How are you going to sleep?”
“You can stay at my place.” You offer out of nowhere causing your friends to look at you. “I mean, if you’d like. I have a spare room.”
JJ’s eyes light up. “Are you sure?”
You nod. “I’ll help you pack. Whatever you need.”
It happens frequently now - Emily’s heart sinking to her stomach when she thinks about you with someone other than her. She might need to puke later.
Her jaw tightens as she rewrites a finished report. To hell with this paragraph and typo and this ugly font.
The plan is for JJ to stay for three months at your place while her apartment is being renovated. You and the team help her move to your spare room.
You prepare dinner for them and your new roommate. Everyone is taking a look around your place and luckily, you cleaned up yesterday so the house isn’t at all a mess.
Emily joins you and JJ in the kitchen. “Can I help?”
“You can set the table.” You suggest.
“Sure.” Emily washes her hands in the sink. “Where are your plates?”
“The plates are on the drawer beside the fridge, spoon and fork on the next drawer to the left, glasses are next to the water dispenser.” JJ replies.
“You already know your way around here.” Emily states the obvious, trying to mask the pang of jealousy.
“I already slept here a couple of times before.” JJ admits and Emily wants to combust.
“I should have already charged her by the hour for rent.” You joke but Emily doesn’t laugh. She proceeds with setting the table instead.
It takes every ounce of self-control Emily has not to break the plates.
You and JJ quickly adapt to living with one another ( not together, you cautiously remind yourself ). JJ wakes up early and makes coffee. She doesn’t make breakfast though. Caffeine is all she needs in the morning. You, on the other hand, like to cook a little something to start your day.
Since JJ stayed in your apartment, the two of you always arrived at the bureau together. It’s no surprise to the team really. But since you and JJ established that routine, Emily hasn’t smiled much at your arrival to the office like she used to do.
You kind of miss it - being welcomed by a warm smile knowing the day you’re all about to have.
“Y/N,” You hear JJ’s voice in the dark. “Y/N.”
Your eyes flutter open and see JJ sitting on the edge of your bed. Even in the dim light, the bags under her eyes are noticeable and her cheeks are flushed.
You sit up. “What’s wrong, JJ?”
“Can I … can I stay with you? Just for tonight. I don’t want to be alone.”
Of course, this would be crossing the very thin line of boundaries you have left with her. If she sleeps beside you, she will be near you and if she’s near you, your thoughts will be filled with more of her and that’s … well, that’s just wrong - harboring thoughts about your friend.
But you are yet to learn to say no to Jennifer Jareau.
So you let her crawl to your bed and slip under the covers. You turn your back on her and face the lamp on the bedside table, praying to a God you don’t believe in to let you sleep without JJ running through your mind.
You wake up to an empty space beside you the next morning.
The wall comes crashing down when the thin fine line becomes a teeny tiny dot.
It has become a habit now - JJ crawling to your mattress when she’s sad and scared. You don’t get much sleep from that point forward because you feel her snuggling towards you while she’s asleep and the tiny noises she makes rewires your brain. Only for you to wake up early in the morning with a fixed set of pillows and JJ’s scent on the empty side of the bed where she used to lie.
This leads to you having additional caffeine intake every day.
“That’s your fourth cup today. Are you okay?” Emily asks you in the break room.
You massage the back of your neck. “I’m okay, Em. Just haven’t been sleeping very much lately.”
“JJ snores loud?” Emily jokes but the sharp pain in the pit of her stomach says otherwise.
“She doesn't snore.” You say.
And the pain in Emily’s stomach surges into something else entirely. Because how do you know? You have separate rooms. Your rooms are on the opposite sides of your apartment. You don’t sleep next to each other.
Unless …
“You two sleep together?” The crack in Emily’s voice is enough to make you stifle a giggle.
“Not in that way.”
Emily is tempted to ask in what way do you want to sleep with JJ. She’s also tempted to chug a hot freshly brewed cup of coffee to stop herself from further talking about this. She doesn’t need to know. She doesn’t want to know.
“She and Will are fighting a lot lately. She sleeps next to me when she’s sad, which is every night now I guess.”
Emily’s head is spinning and her ears are ringing and maybe her eyes are bleeding? She’s not sure. But it feels a little bit like that.
You watch Emily gulp her scalding hot coffee then spray it to the nearest sink. You rub her back gently, worried she might have burned her tongue.
Your apartment feels empty.
JJ flies back and forth to New Orleans during the weekends and weekends are the only days you can stay at your apartment for longer than a night’s sleep.
It’s too quiet now that JJ isn’t around. Your Law and Order marathon is left on its last episode that you two watched. You have no energy to continue it now.
You lie down on the couch and scroll through your phone. The online scrabble app that Emily installed catches your eye and you open it. Emily is online and you invite her to play. It lasted for almost a whole day before Emily calls you up and invites you to dinner at her place.
You accept.
You show up to Emily’s door 30 minutes later, bringing your promised take-out foods. Emily welcomes you into her home. A black cat purrs on your leg.
“Hi, buddy!” You excitedly pet the cat’s head. “Who are you?”
“That’s Sergio. He’s the boss around here.” Emily chuckles.
“Emily Prentiss, how come I didn’t know you’re a cat person?”
She smirks. “I’ll tell Hotch you need to be re-evaluated.”
You roll your eyes. You pick Sergio up and he doesn’t fight. He settles on your shoulder and purrs. “He’s so cute!”
“And expensive to have around.”
“I want a cat.” You blurt out. “I realize I want a cat.”
“You sure? You can’t take him though.” You and Emily share a laugh.
“Not this guy.” You squeeze-hug Sergio and he meows. “He will miss you.”
“Your apartment getting lonely?” Emily senses.
You nod. “JJ hasn’t been around much. I know she’s not going to be around forever, too.” You swallow, glancing to the floor where Sergio just jumped. “She and Will are working things out, I think. She’s flying out to New Orleans every other weekend.”
“JJ must like him a lot then.” Emily watches your lips purse.
“JJ loves him.” You correct her. And in a way, remind yourself of the fact.
Emily’s eyes dart towards your fingers involuntarily clicking. She observes you a lot of times and she knows your little tics by now.
“Let’s eat, Y/N.” Emily ushers you to her living room where the food is already prepared and the TV is already being set up. “What do you want to watch?”
“I want some light comedy if you don’t mind.”
“Modern Family?”
“How do you know?”
Emily recalls the Claire Dunphy Defense Squad button pin on your shoulder bag when you first attend the team gathering at Rossi’s. “Lucky guess.”
It’s halfway through the sitcom’s season when you fall asleep. Emily gazes at your head bobbing up and down as you try to keep yourself awake and failing. She gently cups your cheek and rests your head on her shoulder. Emily thinks you’re waking up when your body moves but you just shift in a more comfortable position which ends up lying your head on her lap and hogging the blanket you’re supposed to share.
Emily lovingly gazes at you, fixing your hair that falls out of place as you sleep.
Emily wishes this moment will stay forever.
You. Her.
Emily never felt more at peace.
“I have news.” JJ announces one morning in the kitchen. You are cooking breakfast for yourself and she’s brewing coffee for both of you.
You raise an eyebrow. “Good or bad?”
“I’m not really sure.”
You scrunch your nose. “I’m not a fan of news like that.”
JJ beams. “I’m pregnant!”
And your world stops.
Gravity is pulling you to the ground. Your feet feel heavy.
You almost burn the egg.
“Y/N?”
A tear falls on the pan. Additional salt, I guess .
You turn off the stove and approach JJ with open arms. “I’m so happy for you.” You hug her tightly. “This is good, JJ.”
“It is.” She hugs you back. You don’t let her go for a while until you can control your tears from dropping. “Thank you.”
You blink rapidly, pursed your lips then smile widely. “Congratulations, Jennifer.”
“I have to tell the team.”
“Of course.”
JJ looks so happy and she’s in a glow you have never seen before. You wonder if it’s the pregnancy or the fact that she’s in love.
Regardless, you’re happy she’s happy.
Even if the weird tightening in your chest says otherwise.
JJ announces her pregnancy to the BAU 3 days after she told you. Everyone is excited and happy for her. Hugs are happening left and right from the team.
But Emily is looking at you.
And from the corner of your eye, you see her too.
Suddenly, air is not enough. You excuse yourself from the celebration for a minute. You’re suffocating and you need to breathe.
“I knew you’d be here.” Emily’s voice startles you.
You’re sitting in a block on the rooftop. You don’t respond to her and instead, you light a cigarette from your pocket.
“I didn’t know you smoked.”
You frown. “Just when I feel like it.”
“You can talk to me, Y/N.”
“She told me 3 days ago, if you’re wondering why I wasn’t surprised.”
“How do you feel?”
“It doesn’t matter what I feel.”
“It matters to me.”
“Why?”
“Because …” Emily pauses. Overwhelming number of scenarios running through her head in a second. “Because you’re my friend.”
You blow smoke into the wind. Emily smells it.
“That’s what I seem to be to everyone. Just a friend.” You say bitterly. “I mean, I’m not really surprised. I’m basically disposable.”
Emily wants to storm to JJ’s office and she doesn’t care what the hell she’s doing in there, she wants to slap JJ hard; put all the pain you’re going through - because of her - in one hard strike. Sure, JJ is still one of her closest friends and she loves her to death but God -
It’s unfair.
Emily loves you.
If you were ever caught in a crossfire, Emily would come running to protect you in a heartbeat, no questions asked and all orders and protocols be damned. She will gladly take all the bullets for you until she loses her own heartbeat.
Emily loves you.
If anyone ever spoke of you wrong, Emily will be there to defend you with all her might. She will flip tables and look them in the eye and tell them how you're the kindest, most genuine, charming person she’s ever met and they’re lucky to even breathe the same air that you breathe.
Emily loves you.
If you were crying and out of breath, she would drop everything and give you the air she breathes if it means you will be okay.
It’s unfair, Emily thought.
Emily loves you and you’re in love with JJ.
And to make it even more complicated: JJ loves Will but she lives in your bed some nights and leaves you the next morning.
Emily loves you.
And not just as a friend. Because friends don’t treat friends this way.
Emily wants to tell you how she desperately wants to hold your hand especially when it’s cold so she could warm them up, to kiss your lips every time you bite them and every time you don’t, to hold you close when you need to be held, to arrange your hair when it’s turned into a mess.
But the anger and dejection bubbling in her chest take over instead when she hears how you describe yourself.
“How dare you.” Emily speaks in a monotone voice.
“What?” Your head turns to her, confused.
“How dare you call yourself disposable when all I ever wanted was you!” You are both caught off guard by her sudden outburst. All caution is gone now and Emily takes a deep breath in before continuing in a calmer but more desperate tone, “I see you, Y/N. I see you.”
“Em …”
“I see your fingers click when you’re uncomfortable. I see you watch sitcoms on your phone during breaks and once while Hotch was giving the team another talk. I see you care for others. You gave Garcia a unicorn mug just because it reminded you of her. You bring Morgan homemade lasagna when he told us he misses his mother’s cooking. You bought Reid the book he couldn’t find at the bookstore. You drink Rossi’s wine even when you hate it so he wouldn’t feel bad for offering. You fix Hotch’s ties when it’s messed up. For fuck’s sake, you always give me the last piece of pizza every damn time even when you’re still hungry! I see you talk to the victims’ families with so much love, care, and regret that you couldn’t prevent the crimes. I see your nose scrunch when you smell Morgan’s overwhelming perfume in the car. I see you grinding your teeth when you’re in deep thought.” Emily sighs, running out of breath. “The point is: I see you, Y/N.”
“Em …”
“It’s not your fault you don’t see me that way.” Emily walks out and closes the door behind her.
You hear the strain in her voice over and over in your head and it almost makes you want to jump over the ledge.
The past few days have been awkward to say the least.
Emily is clearly avoiding you. She gets coffee a little later than she used to just so you won’t meet at the break room. She sits far away from you during the briefings. When you were lying on the couch in the jet, she moved to the other end so you would be out of her sight. She doesn’t look you in the eye when you have to talk about the cases.
And truthfully, it hurts.
You walk into the bullpen and slouch in your chair. Spencer greets you and tells you about the book he’s reading and a fun fact about its author. You smile in acknowledgement but don’t say anything else.
Your eyes scan the room to look for the woman who sits on the desk in front of you.
“Emily’s in Boston for a conference.” Morgan says when he notices your eyes wandering the bullpen. “She might be gone for a few days.”
“Okay.” You lean back on your chair and open the reports you've been working on since yesterday.
It’s quiet, you realize, when Emily’s not around.
She’s the only one who frequently talks to you even when you’re both busy. She brings you coffee twice a day - one in the morning and one before going home - and she knows just how you like it with two teaspoons of sugar and three teaspoons of cream, not milk. She sends you online game invitations through your personal email so you can play them on your computers when Hotch isn’t looking. She sends you playlists based on your mood after each case.
You let out a deep sigh you have been holding back.
It’s awfully quiet when Emily is not around.
JJ moves out of your apartment. Derek and Spencer help her and Will with moving and driving to their new place. Will has relocated to be with JJ. Even from afar, you can sense that they’re happy about starting their family and being with each other.
You are happy for her. JJ deserves the whole world and Will gave it to her.
When they leave, you don’t waste time sitting around. You change your bedsheets and pillowcases and throw them in the washer. You vacuum the bedroom, then the living room and the room JJ stayed in. You wash all the dishes and rearrange everything in the drawers and cabinets. You throw all the leftover food from the fridge. You deep cleaned your entire home.
And it feels good.
You feel an overwhelming liberty when you finally sink in your bed, hugging your pillow, and it no longer smells like JJ.
Emily comes back from Boston a week later. It felt like months for you though.
You spot her sitting on Spencer’s desk beside Derek. She’s giving out souvenirs she got from her trip and they laugh about something Spencer said.
As you come near to your desk, Emily hasn’t glanced at you, not even once.
You settle down on your chair and it’s Derek who spins your chair around to face them.
“Emily’s got something for you.” He passes you a couple of button pins and a dark green mug with BOSTON printed on it.
“Thanks.” You say.
“Tell her, not me.” He stands up and squeezes Spencer’s shoulders. “Let’s go, pretty boy.”
“Where?” Although confused, Spencer still follows him.
That leaves you and Emily just a desk away from each other.
“How’s Boston?” You finally ask. You couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Uh, the conference?”
“Boston was humid. The conference was boring.” Emily answers. You see her pick her nails and your hand hovers her hand. She instantly stops. “You’ve been busy?”
You shake your head. “It’s honestly refreshing to not have a case for a while. It’s better than finding dead bodies for breakfast.”
“It is.” Emily agrees.
Then, it gets quiet again. Emily is refusing to look you in the eye while you are hopelessly trying to get her to.
You can’t do this anymore.
You can’t stand having Emily so close and tiptoeing around the thing you need to talk to her about.
“I bought scrabble.” You blurt out. You don’t know why you said that.
Emily raises an eyebrow. “You bought scrabble?”
“Y - yeah. I did.”
“Okay …”
“Do you want to play?” Emily stares at you. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just … I’m inviting you. If you’re not busy and have nothing to do, that is. I - I -”
“Y/N, breathe.” Emily chuckles. “Are you inviting me over?”
You exhale loudly. “Yes. Yes, I am.” You puff out your chest to gain some resolve. “Do you want to come over tonight? Uh, 8pm?”
You finally meet her eye to eye. Dark brown orbs meeting yours. You’re instantly weak at how soft and gentle she’s looking at you.
“I’d love that.” Emily replies.
You leave work earlier than you’re supposed to. You tell Hotch about needing it for personal time. He didn’t pry and let you go, only reminding you that you need to be early tomorrow.
“You going home?” Derek asks when he bumps into you at the elevator.
“Yes, I might have a date.”
“ Might ?”
“I’m really not sure what it is. I’ll find out. Gotta go!” You press the elevator button to the basement, walking back and forth inside the elevator.
You haven’t thought this all the way through. What the hell were you thinking asking Emily Prentiss over to your apartment? Your fridge is literally empty aside from your stash of electrolyte drinks.
Then, it clicks. You can think when you shop for food. You need to buy groceries.
You end up buying a lot more than you can carry.
When you got everything sorted out, you open your ipad to search for recipes. You’re not entirely sure what Emily would enjoy and frankly, you’re just winging it, hoping that whatever you might end up cooking would be good enough for her.
You lay out the scrabble board on the center table in the living room. You also prepared nachos and homemade salsa dip and laid it next to the board game.
When the doorbell rings, you make a startled jump. You peek at the peephole and see Emily standing outside, hands in the pockets of her coat.
“Hi,” you say as soon as you open the door. “Come in.”
“You have -” Emily brushes her thumb against your cheek to wipe the sauce off your face. She licks her thumb. “Salsa dip?”
“Guilty. Let me get changed. I just finished cooking.”
“Okay.” Emily’s eyes follow you to your room. She laughs lightly when she hears you curse because your foot caught a shoe and stumbled.
You and Emily sit across from each other at the dining table.
“This looks delicious, Y/N.”
“Let’s only hope it tastes as delicious as it looks.”
Emily hums in approval upon tasting the shrimp pasta you made. “Are you sure you’re not a chef?” She teases.
“You have homemaderecipes.com to thank for that.” You giggle.
The dinner went better than you could imagine. Emily complimented the dishes you made, hinting that you’re trying to make her gain weight with how many dishes you made just for tonight. In your defense, you like being prepared and having options in case she has food allergies.
Emily insists on helping you with the dishes and putting the leftovers on tupperwares. You tell her she’s a guest and she didn’t have to. But you know better than to argue with her.
“Did you rearrange your kitchen?” Emily asks after opening every drawer and cabinet trying to figure out where everything goes.
“I did. When JJ moved out.”
Emily doesn’t say anything. She places the last fork on the drawer.
“I cleaned up everything after she left.” You continue. You’re waiting for Emily’s response but it doesn’t come. “I changed the sheets and vacuumed.”
Emily is leaning against the countertop, holding the glass of soda she has yet to drink.
“There’s no trace of her left here.” You say confidently.
“Y/N,” Emily murmurs. “I don’t want to be your rebound.”
Your head snaps fast and you stare at her with terrified eyes. “No, Emily, no.” You move closer to her, just enough to not invade her personal space. “It’s not what I want.”
“Good because neither do I.”
“When JJ left, I cleaned the entire house. I rearranged everything, I’m not even sure where everything goes exactly right now.” Emily listens to you intently. “And I didn’t feel sad when there were no traces of her left behind.”
Emily looks at you with a much softer, more hopeful expression on her face. She hopes that you won’t crush the tiny little hope that she’s holding on to.
“I just felt … free.” You continue. “And when I saw them walking to their car, Will had his hand on her belly and I felt genuinely happy for them.” You start to pace back and forth at the kitchen aisle. “But then, this past week without you, I realized that it’s quiet.”
“Quiet?”
“It was too quiet that I could hear myself and Spencer next to me thinking. And you know how he thinks a lot.” You continue your pace, hands flailing uncontrollably at times. “Then I kept seeing the empty space in your desk.”
“Y/N, you make it sound like I left you.” Emily lets out a scoff.
“I mean, I can’t blame you if you did but the thing is: I see it now.”
“See what?”
“You.”
You stop.
Emily stares.
There’s a long pause and though it may be silent, it isn’t awkward at all. Something shifted in the air, you could feel it.
You speak again, “I see your smile light up the room when I come in to work. You didn’t do it as much when I started arriving with JJ. I didn’t tell you how much I missed it. You have always been so welcoming of me, making sure I’m comfortable. You always ask for my insights when I wasn’t confident to share them with the rest of the team. You always make sure I have water and candies in the backseat when we’re investigating. You saved me that one time a police officer tried to hit on me. You leave aspirin on my table when you see me rubbing my head when I get migraines. You know the little things that mean so much to me.” You sigh, shoulders falling. “I see it now, Emily.”
Emily wipes the tear that fell to her cheek.
You take Emily’s hands and grip them, making sure she feels the intensity of sincerity radiating in your body. “And, I think, by now, it’s a reflex that I’d go looking for you in a room full of people.” You tell her. “I’m sorry it had to take not seeing you to actually see you.”
Emily pulls you into a hug. She wraps her arms around your neck and you hear her sobs. You tighten your arm around her waist, giving everything you had to that hug.
Because this , right here, is an entire universe you’re holding.
You stay like that for what felt like an eternity.
Emily is the first one to pull away. She places a hand on your cheek, caressing your face. “We’re going to do this right.”
“We’ll take it slow.” You agree. “We’ll go on dates.”
She nods. “That we will do, Y/N.”
It took a month for you and Emily to memorize where things are in your kitchen. Not only that but she has made herself comfortable knowing where everything is in your apartment.
You learn about hers as well.
She has invited you to her place more than a few times over. Her air freshener smells like lavender. Her lamp lights are always cool and never warm, she says it hurts her eyes. Her bathroom reeks of luxurious bath bombs especially during the weekend. She likes having dark curtains in her bedroom and light ones in the living room.
Emily adores Sergio. She has a whole list of reminders about him - his feeding time, vaccination dates, neuter date, etc. - stuck on the refrigerator door.
Emily also doesn’t have framed pictures of anyone at her place but as of two days ago, she has one on her bedside table - a photograph of you and her sharing ice cream from one of your dates.
It takes another month when you tackle Emily, your hands protecting her head before you both fall to the ground. The UnSub was taking a shot at her but you got her just in time. You watch Derek and Hotch go after the UnSub, leaving you and Emily on the muddy ground.
“Em, are you okay?” You muffle under your breath.
“I’m good, I’m good.” Emily sits up and checks on you. Her face instantly turns pale when she sees blood flowing on your left arm. “Y/N, you’re bleeding.”
“It’s not that deep.” Emily takes off her FBI vest then her coat. She uses it to put pressure into your wound to stop the bleeding. Curses of different languages leave your lips.
Emily calls an ambulance. She doesn't leave your side on the whole way to the hospital. She waits as the doctor and nurses finish patching you up.
“How’s Y/N?” Hotch asks Emily when he arrives at the hospital with the rest of the team.
“I’m still waiting for an update. She’s still in the ER. Probably getting some stitches.” Emily says, biting a nail.
Spencer puts a hand on Emily’s shoulder to calm her down.
The doctor says recovery will take at least two weeks. You wear an arm sling and are stuck at a desk job for the meantime. You don’t hate it. And even if you weren’t a tech genius like Penelope, she is fun and entertaining to be around during case consultations.
But every time the team leaves, your heart sinks knowing Emily might fall into another danger. You worry about all of them, of course, but Emily …
Emily has your heart and you will wreak havoc if something happens to her. You wish the universe won’t test you.
It’s five months later that you’re in the unit chief’s office talking about your budding relationship with a coworker.
Emily is sitting on the opposite chair. Hotch is behind his desk.
“I can’t say I’m surprised.” Hotch tells the both of you. “I’ll have HR send me the files that you need to sign. It won’t be complicated.”
“Are you sure none of us needs to be transferred?” You ask him again, scared that the answer might change.
“I’ll make sure of it. You’re both an asset to this unit and it would be a damn shame if we lose either one of you.”
You and Emily can finally breathe.
“Thank you, sir.” Emily says.
“Thank you. I promise this won’t affect anything, especially work.” You tell your boss.
Hotch nods. “It hasn’t, so far, and we’ve known for months.”
You choke on air upon seeing Hotch’s smug smile.
“You’d literally take a bullet for her, Y/N.”
“Which I told her was stupid and reckless.” Emily adds.
Maybe you and Emily aren’t so subtle after all.
It’s a year later when you and Emily are throwing a housewarming party. The team arrives one by one. Spencer brings you an espresso machine. Derek hands Emily a toolkit in all pink; he gets a jab on the shoulder from Emily. You happily accept Penelope’s cheese board set. Hotch sets up the money tree he bought by the door. Rossi brings white and red wine for dinner. Will, JJ and little Henry arrive last. Will is carrying their son on his arm while JJ brings out their gifts.
“I come bearing gifts,” JJ announces.
She bought a lot of healthy and unhealthy snacks for you and Emily but the personalized cushion for Sergio with I Love My Moms embroidered in it is your favorite. You excitedly show it to your cat and he immediately lies on it.
“It’s Sergio approved!” You squeal.
JJ takes a picture of Sergio enjoying her gift.
“Hi, little buddy!” Emily takes Henry to her arms, cooing the little boy. “God, you’re heavy.”
“You’re a big boy now, aren’t you, Henry?” You slightly pinch his cheeks. “What are you feeding this kid? He grows up so fast.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me I will cry.” JJ chuckles.
Everyone gathers on the table. You and Emily have one rule during the dinner though: No Work Talk.
Rossi compliments your pasta and you thank him. Emily opens the red wine that Rossi brought tonight.
The rest of the night goes better than expected. You have no idea why you and Emily were ever nervous about hosting.
When everybody left and everything was cleaned up, you and Emily found yourselves cuddling in your bed.
Yours and Emily’s bed.
“I love you,” you whisper against her chest. Your fingers are fidgeting on the button of her pajama shirt.
Emily’s eyes widened. Everything stops and her heart feels like it’s going a hundred miles per hour.
“I know this is the first time I said it ,” you say, hearing how fast her heartbeat is going against your ear. “But I have felt it for a long time now.”
Emily pulls you closer to her, leaving a kiss on your forehead. “I love you too.”
Whatever the future holds, you’ll be fine as long as she’s in it. Everything finally feels good and right in the world.
Because Emily Prentiss loves you.
And you love her.