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This thing… Shoyo knew it wasn’t love at first sight.
It was a gentle breeze of mornings on a beach that always left a mark.
Shoyo quickly removed the bag from his body and threw it inside his locker. His heart was thumping, his breath, heavy as he ran from their club room. On to the gym. He could hear the bouncing of balls echoing inside it and he already knew who he would see there.
He did not give much thought when he decided to enter the gym, forming his arms and legs to receive the ball flying in mid-air. Before it could bounce on his arms, his eyes flew over Kageyama, their eyes meeting for a moment, and finally, he dug the ball.
Kageyama did not seem to be surprised by his presence anymore, he knew he would be even more shocked if he finished the serve practice without Shoyo being there to interfere.
Silence ensued for a minute after the ball rolled on the floor, just them on each side of the court, staring at each other. Shoyo's eyes roamed around Kageyama's face. The sunlight coming from the windows of the gym was hitting the guy, making him focus on the darker part where his blue eyes could be seen.
It was him who interrupted, and it was also him who broke the staring contest first.
Afraid he was staring more than the time would allow was an understatement.
“I see you still haven't cut your hair.” Kageyama was the one who broke the silence.
Shoyo shrugged, walking towards the ball he received. “Quite busy preparing the papers for Brazil,” he said, but his eyes remained on the floor.
Or maybe he should not have said that because another moment of silence ensued. This time, it was deafening, and the tension on the air was becoming more thick the more the silence went on.
He sighed. “Toss to me.”
When he looked at Kageyama's place, the man had already left. He watched as he picked up the balls and organized them again, pushing the basket near the net. Without saying anything, and without Shoyo having to hear something, he tossed the ball.
And Shoyo was already flying to hit it.
—
Both of them found themselves panting. Shoyo wiped his sweaty forehead on the sleeves of his shirt, and walked to the side where Kageyama followed him. Before he could start another conversation, laughs were heard coming from the outside.
Shoyo grinned the moment the team, their juniors, went inside the gym, followed by Tsukishima who was already grumpy with his pout, laughing Yachi beside him, and their Captain Yamaguchi behind everyone.
“Hi, guys!” he greeted, running towards them.
“Hinata-san! Kageyama-san!”
Kageyama nodded as acknowledgement and went beside Shoyo who went straight to their three friends. “What's with the look, Tsukishima-san?” Shoyo teased.
Tsukishima rolled his eyes, moving further away from him. “Don't talk to me.”
“He's probably sulking because he's one of the last to know you're leaving,” Kageyama said nonchalantly.
With that, the three laughed.
“Nice timing, Kageyama!” Yachi said, still laughing.
It's not that Tsukishima really was one of the last ones to know, Shoyo would not do that to a friend. It's just that he's not there yet when he announced it on their “reunion” with the Karasuno team. The team where they still had Daichi as a captain. Tsukishima was late then, and no one decided to bring it up again when he finally came, too occupied making memories for everyone to bring with them.
Shoyo laughed when Tsukishima's face crumpled. “Shut up, king.” He moved away. “We're graduating next week, why would we still practice?” That did not weigh anything because they knew him well.
Yamaguchi cleared his throat. “Probably because you have a lot of first years to teach.” Then he pointed to the first years who were blocking.
“Whatever.”
The team proceeded with the plan. Shoyo found himself grinning and had to stop himself physically when he almost teased Tsukishima again for going straight to the middle blocker first years, incoming second years, and gently guided each. Yamaguchi of course laid their plays, and his observation on the current team before he clapped his hands once.
“Now, let's go?”
Their practice went on like usual, and right now, Shoyo was guiding first years with their receives. He squatted as he formed his arms, eyes looking intently at the students who were following his every move.
“Then, bam!” He was nodding his head while watching them, and grinned every time they would do it right. “Make sure you’d pass it to the incoming first years, alright?”
“Shouldn’t it be–” and Kageyama made sounds only Shoyo could comprehend.
“No! It’s gonna be–”
And the two went on their own world of sounds that only they could understand. They were both oblivious while the team watched them argue in volleyball, laughing at the sounds they were making.
When they finished, Shoyo only huffed and watched as Kageyama walked away to go to the incoming third years. The students, those who he was teaching just earlier, went on their own, teaching each other what Shoyo had always taught them.
And Shoyo seemed to be alone again. In the midst of the crowd. Yachi was monitoring the incoming second years with Tsukishima, Yamaguchi was with the pinch servers, and Kageyama…
His heart throbbed in silence at the sight of Kageyama. It was as if the sunlight emphasized the guy as he held the ball, making him stare at him even longer. Kageyama was just there. He could just walk to him, and bump into him, and start a fight with him–but he felt so far.
It wasn’t love at first sight.
It was slow, and careful, and gentle regardless how intense their interactions were. The door in his heart was ajar at first, until it opened without Kageyama having to knock.
If you told the first year, first day Shoyo he would fall in love with his rival, he would vomit right on the spot. Yet, if you told the Shoyo that one evening that he would have to go further away from Kageyama, he would definitely ask you questions.
—
They were second years, at the training camp with everyone from Nekoma and Fukurodani. And everyone was tired. Yet, he was restless. Shoyo, not minding the darkness inside the room he was staying in along with his team, stood up and slowly went outside.
Only the sound of Nishinoya’s snores could be heard, and he definitely didn’t notice the blank space on the mat paralleling his.
His feet pulled him across the empty hallway, his small movements echoed the night. He found himself staring at the wide hill they used for runs, and there he sat. He folded his knees to himself, putting his arms over it, and his chin on his arms. The night was quiet, dark, only the moon and the stars above were the source of light.
Why was he even here in the first place?
He had learned. He should be sleeping right now, getting that enough amount of sleep in order not to pass out while in the middle of the match.
However, he really could not get that sleep right now. Maybe because the reason was just beside him everyday.
At first, he didn’t know if there was something wrong with him. Every time he would talk to Kageyama about everything they usually talked about, he was fine. They could talk about why his shoes were white, and fight about it and consider it as normal. It was something they usually did.
However, as he got to know him better, as he spent a year with him, he found himself looking forward to those talks. Suddenly, Kageyama’s matted bag for training was so interesting that he wanted to discuss it with him. Until the day that it’s not all about mundane things anymore.
He wanted to ask him if he had cut his nails yet, he became even more curious how the guy’s day went, and he was so invested with the way he journals and wondered whether he wrote something about Shoyo there.
“What are you doing here?”
Surprised, Hinata looked up and saw Kageyama coming over. The light coming from the moon was illuminating his face and clothes, so he could see him wearing their team jacket with black shirt inside. He was at least a few feet away, but because of the silence, he could hear what he said. He just failed to notice the footsteps, because if he did, his heart would not probably beat this loud.
“What are you doing here?” he asked pointedly, his hand was clutching his chest unconsciously.
Kageyama grimaced, eyes traveling around Shoyo. “I’ve been here longer than you, idiot.”
“Why didn’t I see you?”
Shrug was his answer. “Technically, I was there,” he followed, fingers pointing to the other side of the hill.
“Then, I was here first.” Shoyo sounded so smug about it.
Kageyama’s frown deepened. “No, I was. I was even watching you walk here, whispering something to yourself.”
Shoyo’s breathing hitched. He’s watching? Why? Why was he even whispering to himself? What was he saying?
Questions started rumbling in his mind. He hadn’t known peace ever since he started overthinking about this and it’s making his head hurt. So, instead of saying anything, he simply pursed his lips and buried his chin again on his arms.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I couldn’t sleep, that’s all,” he replied. “You didn’t answer mine either.”
Shoyo turned his head to Kageyama, only to find him already looking at him. He figured his heart wouldn’t rest tonight as long as the reason was here beside him… but he couldn’t find the strength to stand up and leave.
There was something in Kageyama’s soft gaze that seemed to pull him within. He wanted to look away. He wanted to say something that would start a fight. He wanted to say his chopped hair looked dumb, his face looked funny… or anything that would pull him out of trance.
Yet he couldn’t. Because Kageyama moved first.
He didn’t realize the setter had already removed his jacket. Shoyo only realized it when he had already thrown it to him. 5 seconds were what it took before he could move, and remove the jacket on his face.
He forgot the night wasn’t only quiet, but also cold. Nevertheless, Kageyama was beside him, and regardless of the internal turmoil he was causing Shoyo, he was warm.
“Thank you,” that’s what he said. As always, Kageama seemed to know what he needed without him having to ask.
Both of them seemed surprised by his reply. He was the first to look away, that’s why he could not see what look Kageyama was making.
“Next time bring your own,” Kageyama whispered, too soft to sound irritated.
“Of course, I will,” he managed to reply.
The soft breeze of the wind was loud enough to hide the sound of his ramming heart. He didn’t have the courage to look at Kageyama, afraid he would find him looking at him again and he wouldn’t know what to do. The moon was always interesting, so was the grass beneath them so he focused there.
“Why were you clutching your chest like that earlier? Are you not in the right condition?”
Shoyo gasped. He was what ? With that, he dropped his gaze to the person beside him. He didn’t care about the loud beat of his heart when his eyes once again met the possible cause of his heart attack. And– oh.
Oh. It is what it is...
He knew he couldn’t anything to stop this when he realized how closed the gap Kageyama closed between them to check on him. Of course, Kageyama would do this! He learned to take care of the team, and Shoyo’s one of them, so this should have not been the thing that would make him surrender himself to this guy.
But, heck! Kageyama… please, I’m trapped. Look at me.
—
The Shoyo that night would want to cling to Kageyama no matter how hard he tried to deny it. However, he had come to know better than to trap himself even more. His feelings would not hinder him from pushing himself further… even if it meant being away from his rival, his partner.
Kageyama would definitely develop, be stronger than he already was, and he would leave him behind. And that’s not what Shoyo promised. He would beat him no matter how many years it takes him. Shoyo would be the player he, himself, would be proud of. And he would show Kageyama how his love had always been through their shared interest, life—volleyball.
But, it’s still sad.
“A penny for your thoughts?”
Shoyo woke up from trance when a girl’s voice entered his head. He looked beside her, and saw Yachi who was holding a clipboard. She was looking at him with the same gentle smile she had since their first year, and he already felt comforted by that.
Yachi had always been the same person he could confide in whenever, and he knew he's the same for Yachi. They were the same person they were since first year, yet also different. They got closer. She had become more confident. Her smiles had been brighter, comforting even, and with one glance from her, one would know things would get better.
She's the type of person when you're happy, she's happier. And when you couldn't cry, she'd cry for you.
That's why when Shoyo heard her like this, he knew he's safe. “I’m just… I just can’t believe I’m really leaving,” he said, truthfully.
Yachi nodded, understanding. “And?”
“How could I fly, leaving my heart here, Yachi?” he muttered. His eyes softened, gazing past the team, going straight to Kageyama who was currently setting the ball.
Kageyama who had always pertained as some genius who's already great, yet actually really worked hard for the skill he had in the present. Shoyo wasn't always there from the start, but he was one of the luckiest to witness Kageyama Tobio's hard work.
Before Yachi could say anything, another voice spoke. He looked up, and saw Tsukishima behind them, hand holding his tumbler.
“Getting poetic, are we?” Tsukishima snorted. He did not give Shoyo a chance to retort because he followed it with, “have you told him that?”
Shoyo glared at him for his comment, before looking down. “I can’t be selfish, Tsukishima. I’m literally leaving next week.”
Tsukishima shrugged. “Why? Do you think the king feels the same as you?”
Yachi gasped. “Tsukishima!”
“That…” Shoyo bit his lips, finding the right words to say. “That’s also one thing. If I say something, and it fails, everything would just go wrong. Either way, it’s doomed.”
“But there’s nothing wrong in trying, Hinata…” Yachi said, her left hand reached his arm.
“And if it fails, nothing’s gonna go wrong because you’re going to Brazil. You can move on there,” Tsukishima drank from his tumbler. “Though, what is it exactly that you feel that you can’t say?”
“You’re just gonna tease me, I don’t need that right now.” Shoyo punched him lightly.
“No, I won’t. I just don’t want vague, implicit answers. Say it.”
Shoyo looked at him intently, pausing for a few seconds. When he thought Tsukishima was serious, he gave up. “I love Kageyama. Is that straight enough for you?”
Tsukishima pursed his lips, from Shoyo, his eyes went behind him. “Oops… I think the king heard you.” He grinned. “And no, I don’t think you can call whatever that is, straight .”
This menace, son of the devil! Frozen was an understatement when he heard a voice behind him. Thoughts on how he would save what he just said kept bouncing in his mind.
—
Hinata's laughs echoed inside the gym, and Tobio couldn't help but easily locate where it was coming from. He watched as the guy's orange hair, which was getting longer, bounced as he teased the first years.
“It's fine, Hiro-kun! No one can receive perfectly just after a few tries.”
Tobio's lips formed a thin line, remembering the times Hinata got hit straight on the face. “You're actually better than him when he's in his first year.” He couldn't help but jump in.
Hinata's eyes were widened when he interjected before having his brows furrowed. “Go away, Kageyama!”
This time, he couldn't help but let out a small smile, and left the guys. He went to the second years he had just finished talking to, and stood behind them. What he wanted to do was to watch the kids, yet, his eyes remained staring at Hinata.
He's been with this guy for a few years, almost memorizing his every move. Of course, it's his job as a setter. He was just right whenever he would observe Hinata's habits, his speed, jumps, the food he likes, what he's comfortable with, the way his eyes would shine from every set he would have to hit, the way his smiles were literally brighter than any gems there were, and… and the fact that even though he's insisting Hinata should cut his hair, he actually liked it so much. It suited him, just like everything.
It's… his job. It's normal.
Or that's what he thought.
Not until he realized he never thought of that with Yamaguchi. Not in his wildest dreams did he think of brushing Tsukishima's hair. Nor was he interested in the kind of smile any of his juniors would have when they hit his sets.
Not until he saw how Hinata would fly with a smile on his face, and slowly come down with his hair falling on his face. He wondered how many people would look at this man, and smile to themselves? Because that's just how Hinata was. One look at him, and how he did things–anyone could just contemplate their whole life, and be motivated for tomorrow.
For Kageyama, it wasn't a sudden whisper of air that just hit him when they first met. Hinata was annoying. He couldn't understand how he dared to waste the athletic gifts he had.
Yet, now, looking at Hinata who was still talking, his breathing hitched. The idea of ruffling Hinata's soft orange curls gripped Tobio's chest.
To prevent himself from not inhaling enough oxygen, he picked up a ball from the floor and started his tosses. It took him a few more balls before he decided to glance at Hinata's direction. He had his back on him as he talked to Tsukishima, while Yachi was beside him. Tobio dropped the ball to the basket, and jogged towards their direction.
“I love Kageyama. Is that straight enough for you?”
His eyes widened.
—
Tobio ruffled his hair, and sat quietly. He couldn't sleep. Although he could act normal at practices, and matches, he couldn't help but feel bothered by the thump of his heart caused by his spiker. Brows furrowed, he glanced at Hinata's direction who was sleeping under the thick blanket.
Shaking his head, he stood up and immediately went straight to the hill they used for runs. He laid down, and he sat again. He did that for two more times before he decided he would just sit, because no amount of movements would stop him from thinking about that guy.
Once again, he was reminded of their practice earlier. Hinata was trying to make more powerful hits, and the only thing that could improve that was more practice, just like what Coach Ukai would always say. Everything was just the usual, until it wasn't. Because he knew something's different with him.
It didn't bother him at first, because when it comes to Hinata, everything was natural for him. It was easy caring for Hinata, it was easy giving him the best sets he had, it was only natural to be in his best condition whenever Hinata needed him.
However, what would be unnatural was if he did what he had also been wanting to do aside from those things inside volleyball. It wouldn't be easy holding Hinata's hands longer whenever they hold each other because they score a point. It wouldn't be easy to stare at him longer than a rival would. It's just…
He was afraid Hinata would feel overwhelmed with those things, and his only position in Hinata's life would be threatened, and the supposed natural things he's used to doing wouldn't be the same.
Unknowingly, Hinata saved him from himself. He had become his safe space, and Tobio didn't want to be the opposite of that to him.
Despite his jacket, the cold caught up to him. He was about to stand up when he realized who was walking to the other side of the hill. Worry enveloped him because the guy was only wearing a thin shirt, and if the cold caught Tobio, then Hinata should be shivering right now.
Yet, he might have wanted to run to him, and fight like they always do, there's only a few times he could stare at him without giving away everything with his stares–so he did. He let Hinata walk and mumble to himself, and he stared. With the help of the moon, he admired the shadows on Hinata's face when he looked up. He couldn't help but question if the guy wasn't having a hard time carrying the sun in his eyes.
He might want to stare longer, but he didn't. Instead, he went in his direction, while his heart was trying to get out of his chest.
And when he was checking him, because he was worrying about the way he was clutching his chest earlier, Hinata was looking away from him. Tobio bit his lower lip, eyes never leaving Hinata's face.
He hoped, prayed, Grandpa, can you see this? Can you make him look at me?
—
Tsukishima glanced at him, as if saying something with his eyes before looking at Hinata again. “Oops… I think the king heard you.” He grinned. “And no, I don’t think you can call whatever that is, straight .”
Hinata what? Did he hear it correctly?
However, Hinata was frozen on the spot, back on Tobio. Even after the two left, he wasn't moving. So he did the first thing he thought of. He went to the other side so he could face Hinata.
“Is that true?” He didn't know why but his voice quivered.
Slowly, Hinata looked up at him. His mouth was parted, eyes still widened from surprise. “Kageyama… you heard it?”
Tobio gasped. ”So, I did hear it right.”
He watched as Hinata's eyes shut, shame filled his face. “I'm sorry. I–I tried to stop it, okay? I just… Kageyama…” His voice shook.
Why? Was it that shameful to love him?
Instead of what he thought, he cleared his throat. Tobio looked away for a second, straightening his back. “I didn't.”
Confusion filled his face.
“I love you,” he said. He said it too easily, too natural as it rolled down his tongue. He felt nothing but relieved, finally he said it. ”And I was afraid of your reaction, but I didn't try to stop it.”
The thought of stopping what he felt didn't even reach his mind. Because loving Hinata Shoyo was as natural as his breathing, and stopping it would be absurd.
This time, it was Hinata's turn to gasp. His eyes didn't leave Tobio this time before responding, “Kageyama, I'm leaving…”
He nodded. “I know.”
“It's not… would it be easy? I love you, yes, but the love I have here wants to present itself by standing alongside you. Beside you.” He exhaled. “Beat you… in a way that you would be proud I am your partner today, and I would be proud of myself I reached a dream.”
Somebody even better will come and find you.
His grandfather's words echoed inside his head. His eyes blinked at a rapid pace as he listened to Hinata, he couldn't breathe. “Then do it…” he replied, voice hoarse as he tried to find his words.
Hinata's brows furrowed, but not in his annoyed state. It's when he's challenged, and prepared to fight and ace it.
“Be stronger, and find me. I'll wait.” He managed to follow.
Smirk formed Hinata's lips, and there goes again the boy he fell in love with. Nevertheless, regardless what Hinata's state was, he would always be that person, and Tobio wouldn't wish otherwise.
If Hinata's love was in the form of beating him, then Tobio's love would be in the form of someone formidable enough to be worthy of the work he would invest.
This thing… Tobio knew it wasn’t love at first sight.
It was natural, and just continuously progressing.
“Let's figure it out when I'm in Brazil.” He heard Hinata said.
He wouldn't wish for more.