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Remus Lupin was not a popular boy. Yes, his friends were all the most popular in the school, constantly drawing spotlights to themselves, but Remus was never like that. He was more than happy to sit in the background, admire them as they laugh and joke with the other students, stand behind them in their shadows, closer to them than any of the people cheering for them. His name was known, he was still a Marauder, still a prankster, he just only pranked as a part of the group. No one really approached him outside of his pranks, they all went straight to James or Sirius or Peter.
Remus was not popular, and that seemed to annoy Sirius. Sirius would wax on and on about how good of a person Remus is, how smart he is, how creative he is. He would talk the ear off anyone that came near them about him, but it never exactly stuck.
Remus was naturally private. His secret was too big, so the less people paying attention to him, the better. Sirius did not understand this either. Sirius had his own secrets, but he would happily blurt them out to anyone that asked. He wanted to make his family look bad, and all his secrets did just that. He didn't understand why Remus wanted to keep his own secret hidden. “If Dumbledore is okay with it, what do you have to worry about?” He would always say. Remus didn't have the heart to explain the cages, the silver poisoning, the beatings when he misbehaved. It was always light-hearted, Sirius trying to coax Remus into the sun, into the adoring arms of the masses, but one night, he went too far.
Remus trusted Sirius with everything, his secrets, his heart, his life. Sirius didn't seem to understand that. He never understood that Remus only had three friends, only trusted three people, only loved one. Sirius, no matter how his mother treated him, had people to fall back on. His rebellious cousin, his disgraced uncle, his best friend, his adoptive family, his brother. Remus had nothing. His father thought him an animal, something feral that needed training, that simply needed sense kicked into him. His mother couldn't look him in the eye, silently called him a beast with every tray of scraps, with every slab of raw meat instead of steaming vegetables, with every shouted command. He was an only child, he had no aunts or uncles, he hadn't made a single friend until his roommates, and none of their families knew. If Remus did not have James, Sirius and Peter, he had no one.
Sirius sent another student into his den. It was Snape, yes, but everything about that night was so violating. Sirius planned to make him a murderer without even talking to him. Sirius used his illness as a tool to get back at a boy that was annoying him. Sirius used his fear and anger to win a petty argument.
Remus never looked at him the same. Sirius had tried to reach out to him the next night, tried to curl around him and kiss his neck. Remus flinched back so hard he fell off his bed. Remus didn't say a word to him for three weeks. He didn't shed any tears, he barely existed for a time. He only spoke to Sirius once he had tried to joke with him, turned to him in the middle of the Gryffindor common room and said “You love me, don't you Moony?” Remus had answered honestly. A quiet, almost silent “No.” Sirius had looked devastated, and Remus had left to go to the library before he could say anything else.
That was the last thing he said to Sirius before they all left for the holidays. Sirius and James left to go back with the Potter's, where they would be pampered and loved. Peter left for Italy, where he would spend time with his cousin. Remus went back to the cages and raw meat.
Things slowly got better the next year. They spoke again, but it was never the same. Remus still moved away when Sirius tried to touch him, and he still kept out of being alone with him. Remus couldn't trust himself alone with Sirius. Something would happen. Whether that something would be a kiss or a fight, he wasn't sure.
Before Remus even knew it, they were graduating and joining a war. He saw less of Sirius. He wasn't sure if he was happy about that. The order began suspecting him of switching sides, of joining Voldemort. They tried to hide their thoughts, but they all forgot about his hearing. Hearing Sirius rant about Remus obviously being Dark, and being seduced by Snape broke his heart all over again. Did they really have so little trust in him? He was out every moon, risking his life to sway the werewolves to their side, and the thanks he get is uncomfortable glares and suspicious glares? He felt like he was back at home, the only thing he was missing were the cages.
James, Lily, Peter and Sirius all went out on Halloween. Remus was in Germany that day. He didn't even know they had gone out without him until they had already died.
James went first, killed at his door. Lily was next, killed protecting her son. Peter was the last, killed in Sirius’ massacre, leaving behind nothing but a finger. Remus wanted to defend Sirius, wanted to say Sirius would never hurt his friends, but the scars he received when James had to fight him back from killing Snape ached, and he never spoke up. He was now completely alone in this world, not even allowed to know where Harry had gone. He travelled for a while, bouncing from job to job until they put together which days he was taking off and chased him away. Before he knew it, he was in his 30s and receiving a letter asking to teach at Hogwarts.
It was hard to go back. Every hall held ghosts of memories for him, and Snape seemed sure he had broken Sirius out of Azkaban. It was even harder seeing Harry. His father's hair, his mother's eyes, Sirius's mischief, and Peter's smile. The young boy was somehow the perfect picture of everything Remus had ever loved and lost.
Then he found Sirius, he found Sirius and Peter. He found out who had really killed his friends, he found out he'd been blaming the wrong man for twelve years. He wanted nothing more than to take Sirius into his arms and kiss him stupid, but he couldn't. He didn't deserve Sirius, not after sitting around for twelve years, knowing he could have helped his friend.
Then of course, he was fired. He had nearly killed Snape again, and he had endangered children. He went without a fuss, looking one last time at Harry, and running away yet again.