Archive of Our Own

Namjoon loves art.

Namjoon loves music.

Namjoon loves books.

Namjoon loves crab.

Namjoon lives to love.

But he thinks he isn’t loveable.

Namjoon loves blue.

Namjoon loves indigo.

Namjoon loves the hue.

Namjoon loves the sky.

Namjoon loves the ocean.

But he has the blues.

Namjoon loves the laughter.

Namjoon loves the noise.

Namjoon loves the talks.

Namjoon loves the escapade.

Namjoon loves the crowds.

But he feels lonely.

Namjoon loves Seokjin.

Namjoon loves Yoongi.

Namjoon loves Hoseok.

Namjoon loves Jimin.

Namjoon loves Taehyung.

Namjoon loves Jungkook.

But he thinks he wasn't loved.

Namjoon wears his heart on his sleeve. Namjoon is so full of love that his heart somehow managed to love six people at the same time. He has been deeply in love with those men for years and longs for them to return the favor, but no one is interested in him.

He mused.

Those years where he always watched the six opened up their heart towards each other. The six where they had formed the strongest bond as a pack that he doesn’t belong. Namjoon couldn’t find any room in the pack to fit in. But his heart still yearning to be loved.

He wants.

Those years where he witnessed how much they loved each other but not him. Namjoon's heart craved the same kind of love. Nevertheless, he does not belong with them. They are both near and far from him. He desires to touch their hearts as well.

Namjoon dreams the impossible.

They ‘re so perfect in each other arms. They are a match made in heaven. Namjoon didn’t believe in God, but for them, he willingly worshipped their love. True love comes only once in a lifetime. Namjoon found one. They found theirs. They’ve met their destiny.

Namjoon was lost.

But then, why he is still here; looking at the six lovingly when his heart is bleeding?  Isn’t this suicidal? He knows the pain; he feels the hurt and he still lets himself take the stab as if it were nothing. Love shouldn't be this painful, right?

It's okay. He keeps telling himself. It's okay as long as he still can still be with them. As long as he can see them, talk to them, and laugh with them. Namjoon is fine.

Love is irrational. Love is blind. Love is pain. Namjoon loves them. And it's enough. Right?

It's just another weekend. They were hanging out at Seokjin's house. Having breakfast and lunch together. Watching movies and then playing games. Namjoon watched all the six from his seat, his eyes shimmering with warmth yet isolation.

‘What I’m doing here?’

He tuned in to the conversation but couldn't put himself in the middle of it. He feels awkward and deserted. They asked him a few questions, which he answered with few words because he didn't know how to express himself. They were simply putting up with him.

Namjoon knows.

Namjoon wonders how long they will put up with his pathetic self. Namjoon wonders how long they will pretend to like his presence among them. He wonders how long it will take them to tell him he is no longer welcome in the group. Will he simply leave when the time comes?

Namjoon's chest tightened at the thought. The idea of leaving the group, unable to meet, see, or speak with any of them, is terrifying. His life has taken on the hollowness of emptiness. Namjoon shivered at the thought of spending the rest of his life alone.

"...joon?"

Namjoon's brow furrowed as he weighed the possibility that he would no longer be able to survive in loneliness. Not after he found the six. Namjoon was so dependent on them that he didn't know how he'd survive without them. Maybe that's why they think of him as a burden now.

"...hyung?"

But Namjoon makes an effort not to be too clingy or desperate for their attention. Namjoon made every effort to be a good friend to each of them. He did his best to understand that their behavior toward him was prevalent among friends.

"Namjoon? Are you listening?"

Namjoon startled when someone touched his hand. He gasped as his heart racing inside his ribcage and his hand slightly trembling. Six pairs of eyes were on him, each with a concerned expression on their face.

Yoongi took Namjoon's hand, grimaced at its coldness, and patted it on the back. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, clearly concerned.

Namjoon swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, I - I," he stuttered for a moment before taking a deep breath and speaking clearly. "Sorry - Sorry, hyung -

"-, I got distracted thinking about my work. Sorry about that -"

"It's okay, Joon..." Yoongi assured him.

"Is it too much for you to handle?"

Namjoon raised his head to look at Seokjin. Namjoon cowered on the seat as the said male locked his gaze on him. "I - well, it's just a new project at work. Everyone is under pressure to meet the deadline," he explained, which is partially true. He didn't want to talk into details about his work and bored the rest.

"Emm, you look tired these days," Jimin observed.

"Ah, sorry about that too," Namjoon said quickly. He realizes he must be so hideous that Jimin finally noticed.

Jimin frowned. "For what, hyung? I'm just worried about you," Jimin said, confused by the response. He looked around, it seems the others shared the same concern.

Namjoon got jittery at the continuous attention given to him. His eyes quivering around the living room except the six. Namjoon can feel the cold sweat forming on his forehead. His chest pounding.

"Joon," called Seokjin while he took the seat besides Yoongi.

"You know you can talk to us about everything, right?" Seokjin said softly.

Namjoon's heart grows warm at the kindness shown by the eldest. Seokjin always the great figure as the eldest in the group. Everyone respects him because he is the most reliable in the group.

When Namjoon chooses to remain silent, Seokjin continues, "Well, if you feel it's too much to talk to everyone here, you always can talk to any of us." It is clear from the frown on his face that he is seriously thinking about something.

Namjoon hummed. "I know." Namjoon turned the focus back to Seokjin. He lied when he said, "I'm just tired, hyung," but that doesn't make it any less true. Rhetorically, he is drained, but he has never become weary of them. He just had a mental draught at the moment, fighting with his inner demon.

Yoongi was about to say something but Seokjin quickly shook his head. Yoongi sighed in defeat but he knows this might not be the right time to force Namjoon to talk about his problem.

"Alright, but let me know if you need something, Joon." Seokjin rests his case. For now.

Namjoon nodded, uttering a quiet but clear "okay" that was audible to everyone. He made a mental note to talk to Seokjin and express his true feelings later.

To alleviate the mood, Jungkook suggested them to watch another movie before dinner and Namjoon just smile at him. Seokjin with the help of Yoongi leaving the rest to prepare the dinner. Alongside Namjoon, Hoseok occupied Seokjin's seat and drew Namjoon in; their sides bumped together.

Namjoon yelped in response but feeling content with the proximity. It's been a while. Namjoon sighed. Namjoon thought his week will goes as smooth as he wanted to. After the dinner and the small talk that they have, his mood getting better again. But it's proven wrong when Monday become the hellish and cursed day of the week.

He should've known. Everything is temporary.

Namjoon's head dangled down as he stood in front of his manager, both hand cross together in fear.

"It's really stupid and ridiculous to hear it from you, Kim Namjoon." He spat, venom leeching out from his gravel voice.

Namjoon keeps apologizing but none were appreciated.

"A SNU graduate shouldn't make this stupid mistake. Don't you think?" the manager said with condescending tone.

Namjoon bites his lip while keeping his gaze on the tiled floor. His eyes were filled with tears as he made an effort not to spill a drop of it. "So-sorry, sir."

The manages chided arrogantly. "Fix the problem by today. Make good use of your genius brain. I want the report on my desk today," he instructed.

Namjoon muttered with a trembling voice, "Yes, sir!"

"Idiot!" another insults thrown towards him before he left the room.

Namjoon's leg sprinted to the bathroom and slammed the door instead of going to his desk. He leaned against the door, gasping for air as a waterfall of tears fell from his eyes. "Damn!" he muttered. He feels so stupid right now for crying over trivial matters.

Namjoon was unable to suppress his frustration at the insult. He feels humiliated by the manager's constant attacks on him. Namjoon will understand if the mistake is his. But he was thrown under the bus by his colleagues. He took the bullet for them.

I am stupid!

Namjoon wiped the tears on his face harshly. His hand is shaking too much. He pulled out his phone from the pocket. He didn't know why he was acting in this way, but he must speak with Seokjin. He knew Seokjin can make him feels better. Seokjin picked up the call at instance.

"Hyu - hyung," Namjoon pressed the phone to his ear. He sniffled as the tears keeps rolling down to his cheeks.

"Joon?"

"Hyung, I - I wanna talk to you. I didn't feel good -"

"Joon? Hello? Can you call me back? I have something important right now," Seokjin cuts in.

Namjoon's heart dropped. "Oh-" then he can hear Jimin and Taehyung's voice, laughing and yelling Seokjin's name.

Oh.

"Okay hyung, Bye." Namjoon immediately cut off the call.  A sob escaped his lips.

I’m not that important.

"Joon?" Seokjin frowned; the call had ended abruptly before he can talk. Jimin jumped on Seokjin as the elder was about to send a quick message to Namjoon. "Uff, Minnie!" His phone almost dropped to the floor. Thanks to his fast reflection that he managed to catch it on time

Jimin grinned at him and mouthed a silent sorry. "Hyung! Let's go before Tae has another tantrum!" Jimin said this while dragging Seokjin by his hand.

"Hyung, hurry up! We have to be there before 10 a.m. if we want that thing!" stressed Taehyung, bouncing on his feet.

Seokjin shakes his head. “Coming!”

Both Jimin and Taehyung dragged the man to the door, too eager to spend their free time with Seokjin. They haven't been able to be together like this in a long time.  Meanwhile, the message that he intended to send before had long forgotten.

Namjoon had a difficult week. The manager has made his life a living hell. He had stayed in the office until midnight to finish the project. Looking at the paper, listening to the nag, the annoyance at work, and the tug in his heart as he stared longingly at the group chat.

"Today we're going for a picnic!" -  Jungkook

"Tae and I went to see a movie." - Jimin

"I'll be working in my studio today." - Yoongi

"I'm coming!" - Hoseok

“Don’t need you here, Hobi!” - Yoongi

“Well, I bring you coffee & pizza!” -Hoseok

“You know my password!” - Yoongi

"Eat dinner at my resto before you all go!" - Seokjin

Namjoon read with something churned in his gut. He bites his lower lips, too hard that he can taste the blood. No one asked about him! No one notice he’s not replying to the messages. No one cares!

Namjoon let out a deep breath. Exhaustion was buried deep within his bones. He examines the empty office, as the others have already left. He should be leaving the work too. He should be leaving the work too. But he knows he need to finish everything by today. He has to.

Namjoon rested his head on the table, staring blankly at the shambles on it. I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired!

A droplet of tear rolled down the side of his eyes. He glanced once again on his phone. Do they ever think of me?

Another week has passed in slow motion. Most of the time, Namjoon feels detached from his body and as if the world around him is unreal. His body moves in auto pilot. He was going back and forth between his apartment and the office.

I’m tired.

Namjoon responded half-heartedly whenever one of the six asked about him.

I'm busy.

Need to stay back at the office.

Too tired to go out.

Want to sleep all day.

And the reaction was as expected.

Joonie, get some rest.

Don't overwork yourself.

Take care.

None of it saying that they missed him. Namjoon missed them. So much. The deafening silence that surrounds him is torturous. Being insignificant to someone or those he cares about is excruciatingly painful. He wished he is loveable. But who wants a broken person like him?

Will they ever like me?

Will they ever love me?

Will they ever want me?

Namjoon wanted to be included by them. Namjoon wanted to be loved, to be cherished and to be desired. If he is able to taste a pinch of love from any of them, he is grateful enough. He wanted to be with them so badly that he ignored his conscience. Ignored how his mind keeps telling him not to see them, not to talk to them, not to look, not to want, not to desire, not to anything, because he is not a part of them.

That's why, he blindly follows his gut.

Now, Namjoon is standing in front of Yoongi's studio with two cups of coffee in each hand. He read the group chat this morning. Yoongi will be in his studio all day. And Namjoon wanted to see the elder. He misses Yoongi. He knocked the door and almost spilled the coffee.

While waiting for the door to open, he exhaled nervously. Namjoon's face lit up when he saw Yoongi. "Hyu -"

"You're not Hobi." Yoongi grumbled, his eyes squinting at Namjoon.

Namjoon's lips slightly parted. "Oh..." His heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. Looking at Yoongi's messy appearance, Namjoon finally realized that he came at the wrong time. Yoongi doesn't seem happy to see him. His presence is unwanted.

"I - I'm sorry, hyung. I should've call before-"

"What do you want, Namjoon?"

Namjoon froze at the gruff voice. Namjoon's grip on the half-cold coffee is tightened and his hand were trembling. His misty eyes blurred his vision, but he tried not to let it fall onto his cheek. He didn't want to embarrass himself any more than he already was.

"Joon?"

Namjoon was startled by the voice. He turned his head to see Hoseok approaching them with a skeptical look.

𝘖𝘩.

Namjoon finally understood the reason of the cold treatment given just now. Yoongi expecting for Hoseok. But he came out of nowhere. He's interfering with their date. He is not welcome right now.

"What are you doing here?" Hoseok asked.

Namjoon swallowed hard. "Ah, I - I just passed nearby here and want to see Yoongi before - before I heading towards office, so - so…"

Hoseok's frown deepens. "You're still working on weekend?"

Namjoon flinched. "Yeah..." he mumbled.

"Hobi.." Yoongi's desperate voice cut into their conversation.

Hoseok rushed up to the producer and engulfed him in a tight hug. "Hey, it's okay. I'm here now!" Hoseok said. Yoongi buried his face deeper into Hoseok's shoulder, inhaling his favorite vanilla scent. Yoongi is at ease and secure. Slowly, his mind began to relax.

Namjoon cast a loving glance at the two. He enjoys watching how they interact with one another, and how physical touch plays a role in their communication. Namjoon, on the other hand, feels abandoned. Staring at how much they love each other, and here he is, alone and pathetic, with two cold coffees in his hand.

"I should - should," Namjoon muttered softly, still looking at the lovebirds but they paid no attention to him at all. Totally ignored Namjoon presence.

𝘖𝘩.

Hoseok gently rubbed Yoongi's back. Hoseok smiles as he notices the tense muscles relax a little. Yoongi was always under a lot of pressure to meet the deadline and he is the only one who can calm him down. Yoongi needs him to pull him back from the abyss of darkness.

"Are you okay now?" Hoseok inquired, and Yoongi responded with a hum. Hoseok grinned at the cute response and shifted his weight slightly to look at the elder. "Let's go home, babe..." Hoseok stated. Yoongi smiled slightly and nodded.

"Namj -"

Just an empty hall. When Hoseok turned to talk to Namjoon and found no one there, his brow furrowed. He looks around, but no sign of the taller male. Hoseok then looks down at the coffee cups on the floor.

Cold and abandoned. Namjoon just left.

"Hobi?"

Hoseok sigh. "Let's go home."

Namjoon just laid down on his unkempt bed doing nothing the entire day. His body feels lethargic and his heart feels hollow. He stares through his window, lying on his side. Looking at the blue sky. The view that should give him a peace of mind.

Namjoon, however, is numbed. It came to his realization that; Yoongi didn't need him. After what had happened earlier today, Namjoon finally understood. In fact, no one ever needed him. Namjoon was drownings himself in his depressive thought. Thinking about how he had been so distance with the rest. The gap kept getting bigger and bigger.

Tears rolling down to the side of his cheek. Namjoon didn't know how much he had shed his tears. The sorrow and the emptiness in his heart is suffocating. Namjoon wants to stop from thinking the negatives. But he just can't. His brain won’t stop thinking all the situations and how it comes to the same conclusion.

Even when the sun sets down, the sky turns to dark and a few stars adorning the canvas of the sky - Namjoon stays on his bed; doing nothing. He flinched when a ping sound reverberated through his phone. He shuddered as his muscle tensed when he tried to grab the phone.

Namjoon squinted his eyes through the darkness. His heart beat faster when he saw Hoseok's name, took a deep breath while he tapped on the screen. Namjoon read the message and later he typed the reply and then tossed the phone to the side of the bed. Heart still hammering. Namjoon buried himself underneath his blanket, curling to his side as he continues to wallow in his sadness.

Hoseok never asked again. Everything is back to normal for the rest. Namjoon was used to it. He at times struggled to understand what they were saying. They seemed to be communicating in Morse code. Secret that they didn't want Namjoon to know. Namjoon ignored the obvious, not that he didn’t want to know but he just wanted to avoid the reality and protect his heart.

Namjoon read all the chats. Never answer. Never break a flow. He would respond to questions directed to him by saying either okay, yes, or no. Namjoon sighed. The iced coffee in his hand had lost its bitter taste. His eyes fixated on the people around the park.

A day off without the others. A normal day since a few months ago. A routine that now he become accustomed with. He must, after all, learn to be by himself. At least when they got tired of him, he was well-prepared. Namjoon watched at a few couples in the park with green-eyed.

He was desirous of what they have. Someone to love and to be loved. However, he came to the realization that he is not fortunate enough for that; no one loves him; he is not lovable; a person who is broken and depressed is not deserving of love; Even though his heart is big enough to love six people, he has no place in their hearts.

"Namjoon?"

Namjoon turned to his left to see the owner of the voice. His eyes widen in surprised at the unexpected intruder. "Hee-su?"

Hee-su smiled and sat down next to Namjoon right away. Namjoon's lips split in shock at his behavior, but he said nothing and sighed in defeat instead.

"Didnt expect to see you here, Namjoon!" Hee-su chirpily said.

Namjoon breathed out. "Yeah, me too."

"Well, what're you doing here?" Hee-su further asked.

Namjoon briefly closed his eyes, feeling a little annoyed but trying not to be rude at the same time. "Just take walk and do nothing."

"Ah, it's good to release some tension after all the hectic week at work, right?"

Namjoon hummed in agreement.

"It's been a while since we meet, Namjoon. I'm glad that now we're working together..." Hee-su said in excitement.

Namjoon hummed again. Kim Hee-su. His classmate at SNU. They used to be so closed until the second year in the university. Namjoon couldn't remember what makes them drifted apart, but on the third year, they just barely see each other again. Maybe because they had taken different subjects or their schedules were not in sync anymore. Namjoon didn’t know.

"We should get together again like we used to." suggest Hee-su.

Namjoon gave the man a tsk. "For what?"

Hee-su scowled at the cold attitude. "Namjoon, of course, we must hang out together. I had no friends at the office. And you're the only person I know," he muttered.

Namjoon rolled his eyes. "Whatever!"

Hee-su laughed and put his arm over Namjoon's shoulder. Namjoon tried to push him but to no avail.

"I'm happy that now I have someone to rely on!" Hee-su goofed.

Knowing how much Hee-su enjoys making jokes like this, Namjoon laughs at the absurdity. The warmth fills Namjoon's heart, and he kind of likes it.

"Joon-hyung?"

A different voice intervened.

"Ji-Jimin?" Namjoon gasped in surprised when he saw Jimin at the park. It's been some time, and the adrenaline causes his heart to beat more quickly.  His lips twinged into a broad smile, revealing his dimple, as he was eager to meet the younger.

"Jim-"

"Who's this?"

His smile quickly fades when the stern and cold tone is used. Jimin glanced at him and Hee-su with his keen eyes. Namjoon gulped as his heart is now hammering for another reason.

“Ah, this -“ Namjoon pointed at Hee-Su on his side, Namjoon gave the man a guilty look and immediately introduced Hee-Su as his colleague to Jimin.  “And Hee-Su, this is Jimin my - my friend," Namjoon stumbled, pointing at Jimin awkwardly. His hand is shaking a bit.

Hee-Su gawked at Jimin, lifting his brows questioningly at the tense aura. “Hi, Jimin…” he extended hand out for a handshake. Trying to act polite.

Jimin squinted and huffing before he turned his attention back at Namjoon. “Hyung! You said you’re busy with work this weekend!” Jimin pouted.

Hee-Su let down his hand and chided at the childish attitude. He noticed the guilt on Namjoon’s face and simply shrugged, unbothered at the demeanor. Namjoon exhaled in embarrassment and makes a mental note to treat Hee-Su as an apology. Jimin always a bit hostile towards stranger, still he didn’t need to act rude like that.

“Why are you here instead?” Jimin asked further.

Namjoon bits his lips. “Sorry, Jimin. I’ve just – you know the meeting has been cancelled so I think I'll take a quick stroll around here.” A blatant lie. He feels uneasy because he knew Hee-Su was aware of it. He does, however, appreciate Hee-Su's silence regarding this.

“Then you can come to us! We miss you, hyung!”

Namjoon was touched by the statement and pleased to learn that they missed him just as much as he does. "I didn't think that-"

"Hyung, it's difficult to see you these days." Jimin grumbled once more as he briefly glanced on Hee-Su.

Namjoon sighed.  "Sorry…"

Jimin's phone rang just as he was about to speak. Namjoon saw the look of excitement on his face as he read the notification. His cheeks were adorned with pink hues as he grinned so charmingly. Pretty colour for pretty Jimin. Namjoon's heart flips at what he sees.

With a sudden rush, Jimin said, "Well, I need to go now." "Jin-hyung hosted a housewarming party at his new house and – “

A moment of silence as Jimin’s eyes widen in shocked.

Namjoon frowned. “Housewarming? Jin-hyung bought a new house?” asked Namjoon in confusion. Obviously didn’t know of such big news. He keeps thinking if Seokjin ever told about it in their group chats but nothing comes to mind.

Jimin clenched his jaw in response to the question, realizing he had said something inappropriate. Jimin glanced at Namjoon and his phone anxiously, then laughed nervously.

Jimin muttered, "Well, that's supposed to be a secret."

Namjoon stilled. “Oh.”

“Don’t worry hyung, we'll notify you as soon as everything is resolved, okay? I must go now; I'll see you later.” Jimin said hurriedly and gives Namjoon a hesitant hug before he left Namjoon stupefied at the commotion. Namjoon’s eyes staring blankly at the park with mix feeling.

𝘖𝘩.

Seokjin bought a new house. Fact.

They have a housewarming party. Fact.

Without him. Fact.

Namjoon felt like his heart broke into a million pieces. Ignoring Hee-Su's presence, he let his tears fall and wept pathetically. Namjoon couldn’t hide his burden of emotion anymore. It’s too much for him to handle and it’s the time for him to have the breakdown regardless.

He is surrounded by a large number of people, but none of them understand him. He wishes to be with someone, but he does not have anyone. There are so many thoughts and emotions racing through his mind, but no one to share them with. He feels lonely. How could he feel so lonely when he has six people, he loves the most?

Hee-Su sighed and leaned on the bench, staying beside Namjoon without a word. He stares at the park, letting Namjoon to shed his tears as much as he wanted. He didn’t want to ask why or what; Namjoon will talk whenever he wants too. When the times come, Hee-Su is willing to lend his ears.

It's been a couple of days. Days that flew by, with him unable to grasp the minutes or seconds that had passed. Then he kept checking his phone for a message from someone asking if he was all right. But realize that everybody is too busy in their own lives.

Without him.

Namjoon just goes on with his life as if nothing happens. As if his heart had never been broken. As if his tears had never been shed. As if he never has feelings for anyone. He tried not to wallow in the looming sadness of being unwanted. At least, Hee-su was there for him.

Hee-su never asked any questions. He just sat there with him as he cried pitifully after Jimin had left. He didn't say anything after that, not even a hint about it when he talked to Namjoon. Namjoon appreciates it and how he spends most of his time with the said man nowadays. He’s comfortable with Hee-Su and was happy that they can rekindle back their friendship like before.

When Namjoon saw Taehyung's comment on his Instagram, his heart skipped a beat. He felt compelled to respond, but decided against it when Hee-Su appeared with another beer in his hand. Namjoon smiles at the man and took the beer, relishing the moment with his new friend.

Namjoon wakes up with his phone ringing nonstop. Namjoon grunts, his skull throbbing from the aftereffects of drinking. Squinting at the bright screen, his hand reached for his phone, and a small gasp escaped from his chapped lips.

Seokjin.

Namjoon's hand trembled as he saw Seokjin's name flash across the screen. Namjoon gulped, wondering why the elder was calling him so early. Namjoon looked down at his digital alarm clock on the side table. He cursed quietly as the clock struck 11.25 a.m.

Namjoon exhaled when the ringing stops, feeling at ease for a second. He rubbed his face, pinching on the bridge of his nose to soothe the headache. When his phone ringing once again, he almost dropped his phone on the floor. He sighed as he slides the green icon.

"Hello..." his raspy voice answered. Namjoon grimaced at the sound and cleared his throat.

“Morning, Joon-ah..." From the other side, Seokjin's voice said.

Namjoon bit his lower lip. He hasn't heard the elder’s voice in a long time. He had no idea how much he missed Seokjin until now. "Morning, Hyung..." he said quietly.

"Are you busy?" Seokjin asked.

Namjoon furrowed his brow. "Emm, it's Sunday..."

Seokjin laughs at the response. "I'm just wondering since you always been busy on weekend, Joon..." he said.

Namjoon clenched his teeth.  There's a heavy tone at the end of the voice, implying something, but Namjoon couldn't figure out what. "Yes, I'm working on a project before this. Didn't I tell you?" Namjoon said, his tone a little petulant, annoyed thinking that Seokjin couldn't even remember a simple thing about him.

A deep sigh. "I know, Joon. But-"

"What do you want, hyung?" Namjoon inquired hastily. He's exhausted and depleted from all of the work he's done this week. He planned to rest and recharge before beginning another hectic week at work.

A pure silence for a second before Seokjin answered. "It- it's been a while since all of us - since you hanging out with us."

Namjoon held his breath as he heard the statement, his anger bubbling inside him. "What exactly do you mean?" he asked venomously.

"You've been extremely busy and didn't have time to spend with us. Tae said last night that you-"

Namjoon closed his eyes while his fist turns to white. "Well, you're the one that never invited me to your housewarming party, Seokjin-hyung," Namjoon cuts in, interrupting Seokjin, voice leeching with anger.

A shock gasps. "Joon-ah, that's-"

"It's fine. I'm not that important. I'm not one of you..." Namjoon hung up and throw his phone furiously, bouncing on his bed. He's exhaling heavily and shivering violently.

"Oh God! Oh my God! What have I done? God!"

He was too astonished to think clearly. He let his intrusiveness win, spitting his rage at Seokjin. It's done! He’s so done! Namjoon is panicking, couldn’t believe that he had acted that way. He never treated Seokjin badly nor being rude towards the elder. This is his first time and Namjoon is freaking out.

Namjoon flinched when his phone vibrated. He looked at the screen, his heart skipped a beat when he saw Seokjin's name at the top. His hand was shaking when he took his phone and slide to read the message. He can hear the broken sound of his heart when he read the message.

Namjoon put his phone away without responding to the message as tears streamed down the dam of his eyes. He didn't think he had the courage to respond right now. He was a coward because he was afraid of what Seokjin would say to him. He wasn't prepared for it. Despite his pain, he still wishes to be with Seokjin and the rest. He wants to treasure the remaining time he has with them. He wants to love as much as he want to.

Until

His heart can no longer bear the agony of loving the six.

"Don't you think that you at least need to talk to them?"

Namjoon put down his coffee and looked at Hee-Su. A long sigh escaped from his lips.

"I saw the post on Instagram and their messages," Hee-Su added.

Namjoon tense immediately. "For what?" he asked a bit harsh.

Hee-Su brows furrowed. "Joon-ah..."

Namjoon holds his tears. He didn't want to lose his composure in public. Not in the presence of Hee-Su. Again. "You - you don't understand," he mumbled.

Hee-Su sighed at the response. "Then make me understand, Joon-ah..." he demanded.

Namjoon shook his head. "What makes you interested after all this while, Hee-Su?" Namjoon inquired; his glassy eyes filled with emotion as he looked at Hee-Su.

"You're hurting, Joon. I can see how it has affected you both physically and mentally. As a friend-"

"Hee-Su..."

"No, Joon! Let me say this. As a friend, I can't let you be like this. I don't want to get involved in your personal issues, but if they are making you unhappy, I have the right to try to help you..." Hee-Su said sternly. He is concerned about Namjoon. He wants to help him.

Hee-Su has been keeping an eye on Namjoon since day one. Even if Namjoon never told him anything, Hee-Su is not oblivious to what is going on between Namjoon and his friends. If the six are actually his friend. Hee-Su doubted it. He could figure it out perfectly. The pictures stacked on Namjoon’s board at his workstation speaks loudly. He can see how much radiant Namjoon’s face whenever he was with them. And he can see the same light from the six too.

Hee-Su knows the seven has special bond. However, he's not in the position to judge Namjoon and his odd relationship with the six men. But he knows, Namjoon loves all of them equally. His heart is so big that he managed to love all of them at the same time. He didn't know if he is able to give so much love to someone.

Hee-Su is a little envious of this. He hopes to find someone like Namjoon to love. Someone who has so much love to share and someone who will reciprocate his feelings too. "I know you love them, Joon..." he said cautiously. He didn't want to appear insensitive right now.

Namjoon clenched his fists in agony. He dangled his head and let his tears fall onto his laps.

"You should tell them..."

Namjoon's eyes widen in shock. "No!"

Hee-Su rolled his eyes. "Why?"

Namjoon shook his head. "No - no, they didn't - didn't love me..." he muttered.

Hee-Su frowned further. He tilted his head in confusion. To be honest, he has never met the six men except Jimin. But he recalls Jimin's expression that day. How the starry eyes of the pretty male when he looks at Namjoon lovingly. And the pictures? It speaks for itself.

"Are you sure?" asked Hee-Su.

Namjoon snorted at the question. “They didn’t need a plus one in their relationship, Hee-Su. Six of them are perfectly fit already.”

Hee-Su hummed. “What makes you think they didn’t need the seventh?” he asked. Curious at how pessimist Namjoon is acting right now.

Namjoon frowned before bursting out laughing. Mocking the absurdity of the question and how it sounded to him. "It's ridiculous that they want me in their relationship, Hee-Su. If they really want to, they'll ask me long before," he said, now morose mood descended upon him.

Hee-Su let out a sigh. "Have you asked them, then?"

Namjoon rolled his eyes. "I don't need to be asked where I belong. They never included me in their agreement. I'm just a close friend of theirs. I just happened to be there, an add on friend who they felt sorry for..."

Hee-Su exhaled with disbelief. "You and your assumption, Joon. I believe there is a misunderstanding between all of you. Perhaps you should ask them first before jumping to conclusions," he suggested. He realizes there's a flaw in Namjoon's story and how it conflicts with his observations.

Namjoon shook his head. “I – I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he said and sipped his coffee.

Hee-Su didn't pursue his question any further and observed Namjoon's eyes - long drawn to the busy street with sadness and sorrow - outside the café. Hee-Su did everything he could to help Namjoon. But, for the time being, Namjoon needs to help himself first. Nobody can help a person who didn’t wanted to be helped. Ironically.

"Let's go to the club!"

"Joon, that's not how you-"

"So, you don't wanna go with me?" Namjoon tried to lay a guilt trip on Hee-Su.

Hee-Su grumbled. "Fine!" finally agreed. And Namjoon grinned victoriously at his friend.

Jimin grab his phone it vibrates on the table. He gasped when he saw the notification.

And when he saw the picture, his jaw clenched. He typed something and toss the phone to the couch in anger.

Namjoon looks at his phone with trembling hands.

Hee-Su noticed the unusual. "What's wrong?"

Namjoon gulped as tears blurred his vision. "I - I think this is really the end, Hee-Su ah."

Namjoon choked in tears. He feels his heart breaking. The intensity of his broken heart was agonizing; he felt like he couldn’t move.

He's having a lot of 'what if' thoughts right now.

What if Seokjin declares that they no longer need him?

What if the six tell him he can't see them again?

What if they can no longer be friends?

What if...

Lots of questions that he's too afraid to know the answer. And here Namjoon was, standing in front of a tall building, where Seokjin's address had brought him. His entire body is shaking right now. He couldn't sleep at all the night before. He kept thinking about all of the possibilities.

He's expecting the worst, but his heart still holds a sliver of hope. A wish for his love to have a chance with the six. A small hope that appears to be so big and impossible to come true. Namjoon frowned as his finger pressed the lift button. The highest. But to where?

A ding at level 20. His heart is racing as he realizes the entire level has only one door. It's a penthouse. Namjoon took a deep breath before pressing the bell. He stands there waiting for the door to open. Ready to meet the people inside.

Then Namjoon gasped. Yoongi. Yoongi gives him a small smile and invites him in. Namjoon's eyes widen as he looks inside. It's enormous. It's stunning. Namjoon was mesmerized by the lavishness.

"He's here?"

It's Seokjin's voice. His heart makes a leap. Namjoon slowly turned his body to face Seokjin. But he was surprised to see everyone gathered in the living room, staring at him with mixed emotions.

"Hyung."

"Joon-ah."

"Joonie."

The nickname echoed throughout the house. Namjoon can feel his eyes instantly welling up with tears. How he missed everyone. It’s feels so real that his heart squeezed just by knowing that everyone was here. "Hi..." His voice trembled. Namjoon feels awkward as they continue to stare at him. He looked everywhere except for them.

"Joon, have a seat," Seokjin said, breaking the tension.

Namjoon gulped before taking a seat near the six. He didn't feel at ease being so close to them. He clenched his fist and hid it inside his long sleeve.

"Do you want something to eat, Joon?" Seokjin asked softly.

Namjoon immediately shook his head. "No, there's no need for that. I-"

"Can we just talk without beating around the bush?" Jimin stepped in, venom dripping from his voice.

Namjoon jumped at the harshness, his head dangling down nervously.

"Jimin!" whisper-yelled Hoseok.

"Sorry," he said. Jimin rolled his eyes and crossed his arm petulantly as if he didn’t mean to apologize at all.

Seokjin sighed at the attitude but didn't want to dwell on it at the time. "Joon, actually I - I mean we want to explain about something..." initiate Seokjin.

Namjoon is holding his breath as his heart is beating so fast. Namjoon couldn't bear looking at Seokjin or the others right now. Fearful that they will notice how red his eyes are and how his tears are ready to spill any second.

"About this house - and about the housewarming party." Seokjin said carefully. "There's misunderstanding."

Namjoon didn't say a word, remain silent as he let Seokjin explained. Whatever it is, Namjoon had already reached a conclusion. It's none of his concern. But he still hopes there's a good reason to keep it hidden from him.

"Jimin wasn't supposed to tell you about that -"

His heart skipped a bit. They really wanted to keep it as a secret. Namjoon grits his teeth. "It's - it's okay, hyung. You didn't have to tell me everything," told Namjoon. He glanced at Seokjin as the elder grimaced at him.

"No, Joon! I have to explain this..." Seokjin look at Namjoon desperately. "Everything was messed up since then!" he admitted. 

Namjoon hummed as if it's true. Well...

"It's not a real housewarming actually. I just asked the boys to come and helped me to move the things here and I - we didn't tell you because you've been busy with works. I don't want to bother you, Joon..." Seokjin goes on to explain.

Namjoon cast a glance at Seokjin. "It never bothers me if it's about you, hyung..." Namjoon said before realizing it.

Seokjin let out a breath. "I understand, Joon. And I'm truly sorry for that..."

"But still, you've spent time more with your colleague than us!" accused Jimin.

Namjoon gasped out loud. "What? What do you mean by that?"

"Jimin!" scolds Yoongi.

"Jimin is right. We noticed it as well, hyung!" Taehyung exclaimed.

"Please guys!" Hoseok attempts to intervene.

Namjoon frowned in confusion. Were they talking about Hee-Su? Namjoon didn’t know why he needs to explain but he couldn’t help himself from doing so. "Hee-Su is my friend. We've known each other since college. We simply-"

"You've been spending too much time with him. You ignored our chat group and phone calls. You've never done anything like that before..." Jungkook chimed in.

Namjoon lips parted with aw shuck. The guilt now turns into rage. The accusation was so uncalled for and he didn’t need to hear it from any of them. Not when they’re the one that makes him feels neglected all these whiles.  "Why is this my fault?" he asks, voice cracked as he tried not to cry.

"Joon, that's not what we-"

Namjoon immediately shook his head. "No! Why are you trying to guilt trip me? Why do you try to make me the bad guy in this situation??" He said this while his tears rolling down to his cheeks.

The allegation stunned everyone. Namjoon pushed Seokjin's hand away, a bit harsh. Namjoon dismissed the efforts to console him. Keeping a safe distance. Everyone appears to be hurt by the action, but Namjoon may not care right now. He did not need it. Not right now. Not after what had happened.

"Please, Joon," Yoongi begged but being ignored too.

"Joon-hyung," Jimin attempted to speak but was cut off when Namjoon continued to shake his head, refuse to listen to any of them.

"All we want to know is why you were so distant this lately. That's all..." Seokjin further speak. Eyes become glassy while he watched how wrecked Namjoon is right now. Seokjin didn't not expect for the outcome. He thought they would have a peaceful and heartfelt conversation. He hadn't expected Namjoon to have a nervous breakdown. As such, he tried to fix the situation.

"Joon, listen to me..."

"Why I should listen to you when I'm not even in the conversation?" Namjoon asked, eyes on Seokjin; sharp and intense.

"What do you mean by that? I'm trying to explain this to you-"

"I've been excluded in everything. All of you didn't care about me all these while-"

"What nonsense are you talking about?" Hoseok was enraged. He couldn't believe what Namjoon had accused them.

Namjoon shuddered, eyes quivered around, anxious, as he spit out his thought like that. But he won’t sit still and let everyone put the blame on him. Even if he had done something wrong, but it doesn’t justify their wrongdoing too. Namjoon has the right to speak.

“I was hurt by all of you, Hoba!” Namjoon exclaimed, voice rising a bit.

Hoseok flinched, shocked at accusation as he stares at Namjoon; bewildered. “What –“

“When I call Jin-hyung the day my manager scolded me, you just ended the phone without giving me the chance to talk. I was so sad that I think you can help at least to console me. But you just hang up on me, hyung…” Namjoon voice trembled as his misty eyes skipped towards Seokjin.

Seokjin’s eyes widen at the revelation. “Namjoonie… I – I…” Seokjin remembered the day. He was distracted by Jimin dan Taehyung. But he promised himself to return the call but never do that. Oh God!

"I wish - I wish you were there for me, hyung. I need someone but there's no one for me..." spilled Namjoon with broken voice as he stares at everyone. The six couldn't meet the eyes due to guilt.

“Yoongi-hyung, you said you never expected me to come to the studio that day. I’m trying to hang out with you but you – you said you didn’t need me because I’m not Hoseok. I know I’m not Hoseok, can’t be one but at least don’t say that to my face…” continue Namjoon, sobbing while he looks at Yoongi with hurtful expression. 

Yoongi and Hoseok were stunned. And they also remembered the day. The day when Yoongi was having some hard time and Hoseok was there to pick him up. Everyone knows only Hoseok managed to calm Yoongi down during his episodes. He was focused on Yoongi that he didn't notice his action had hurt Namjoon. 

“Joon – Namjoonie… No, I didn’t mean it that way. I was – “ Yoongi tried to explain but he was at lost. 

“Joon-ah, please let me explain. That day, Yoongi wasn’t in his best, and I was there to help him. That’s why he is expecting me to come and was surprised to see you. Not that he didn’t want you to be there…” Hoseok added, helping Yoongi to clear up the misunderstanding.

Namjoon lips trembled. “But it still hurt, Hoba. As if my presence is not importance to you…”

Hoseok squeezed his eyes in remorse and his tears fell down. “I’m sorry, Joon. We’re sorry...” Yoongi also cried while he hold onto Hoseok's arm. 

“You never asked about me in the group chat. Not ever Kookie or Tae… All of you just pretend I’m not there and makes me like a stranger. I feel I don’t belong here…” said Namjoon, now pointing at Jungkook and Taehyung.

The two always being clingy to him, asking his days and talked to him whatever happened in their daily life. But then suddenly it stopped, everyone didn’t ask him anymore, anything in the group. Namjoon felt left out that he decided to be a silent reader. Still, no one ever noticed and just pretend nothing happened. 

“Hyung! We – I just thought you’re busy! And you never replies to any of us too….So we thought you didn’t want to be disturbed!” Jungkook defended himself.

“Jungkook’s right. You’ve been so busy for the past months and we thought you just didn’t want to hang out with us anymore…” Taehyung further said with pouty lips.

“But that doesn't mean I didn't have the time for you..." rebut Namjoon. Jungkook and Taehyung didn't have words to refute and choose to be silenced.

Namjoon's attention drifted towards Jimin. "What about Jimin? You – you said that I'm not supposed to know about the housewarming party. All of you just left me out from it as if – as if I’m not a part of this group. As if I’m not needed anymore…” cried Namjoon.

Jimin groaned in frustration. “Hyung! Please, that’s a baseless accusation. I said that because it’s not the right time for you to know. Not that we didn’t want to tell you at all. And what about you?”

Namjoon furrowed. “What – what do you mean?” surprised at the clap-back response. 

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Why did you spend you time with that guy? You went out with him instead of us. You even have the time to go to the club with him but now you accused us ignoring you?” he said with annoyance.

“We saw the posts!” Taehyung added.

“You look happy with him!” Jungkook alleged with irritation.

Namjoon was baffled at the three. “He’s my friend! We’ve been friend for so long and nothing happened between us. Why did – why all of you – “

“We just said what we saw! We couldn't see any sadness on your face at all. As if you just enjoy your life even without us!” voiced Jimin.   

"What the-" Namjoon bewildered. 

"Enough!" Seokjin held back because he didn't want to aggravate the situation. His gaze returned to Namjoon as the said man cowered in his seat. His heart swelled at the sight, and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with them. What is happening? Why everything so messed up? 

"I believe there's a major misunderstanding between us, Joon-ah. That's why we're here so that we can explain and listen to whatever you have to say..." Seokjin said, voice so tender and calm. Trying to fix the situation from getting worst. 

Namjoon bites his lower lip and looks down at his feet, fidgeting nervously. He wasn't sure if he was ready to hear whatever Seokjin had to say right now. Even if he was ready to whatever decision the six made about him, Namjoon still prayed that he still has the time to prove himself that he wanted to be here. Still wants to be here with the six. 

"You've been so busy with work for the past few months that we barely saw you. We all missed you, Joon. We understand how stressed you have been about the project, so we decided not to bother you."

Seokjin took a breather as he tries to examine Namjoon's expression. "Joon. We've noticed how close you've become with your coworker – that Hee-Su. Of course, we understand that we have no right to decide who you should be friends with. It's entirely up to you. We're just a little upset that you just shut us down..." added Seokjin, careful not to offend Namjoon.

Namjoon frowned at the statement. "I never shut you down," he said flatly. He then looks at the others. "Any of you," he continued.

"Then why have you been so quiet? You didn't even pick up the phone or respond to our chat..." Yoongi came on board.

Namjoon's jaw clenched. "Instead of saying I'm at fault, don't you think that all of you also ignored me too?"

Namjoon's accusation was met with a sharp gasp from the six people in the living room.

"What-"

"We never-"

"Hyung!"

"No!"

They tried to defend themselves.

"No one tell me anything anymore. I had no idea you bought a new home, let alone been invited to the housewarming party!" Namjoon's voice was laced with hurt as he stared at Seokjin.

"That's not true, Joon!"

"I feel like I'm not a part of this group anymore," he said sadly. Namjoon burst into tears again. He feels stupid for crying over something so insignificant, but he couldn't help but feel worthless in front of the six. Being unwanted but still hoping to be included; it's pathetic. Namjoon hides his face behind his arm. He's so embarrassed. His body shakes as he struggles to control his tears.

Seokjin leaped forward and embraced the younger man. Namjoon tried to push him away, but Seokjin tightened his grip on Namjoon's. Namjoon knows he should keep pushing, but Seokjin's warmth makes him greedy. He craves to be hold like this by the said male. He was touch-starved and Seokjin is feeding him well.

"Joon-ah, don't cry, please..." Seokjin's voice trembled as tears blurred his vision. You've always been a part of us. We love you," he further said.

What kind of love?

Namjoon couldn't look at Seokjin as he spoke, his face hidden on Seokjin's chest. It's wet from his tears, but he doesn't mind. When someone gently rubbed Namjoon's back, his body automatically jerked. Someone who's not Seokjin. He whine at the touched but didn't have the will to look.

"We've been together for a long time, Joon. You are, of course, a part of us. We love - care about you..." Yoongi elaborated. He then looked at Seokjin, his face filled with concern. Yoongi knows he was at fault for what had happened at his studio before and he didn’t have any good reason to defend himself. As such, he wanted to redeem himself. He needs to tell Namjoon his real feeling so that Namjoon knows how much important he is in his life too.

"About this house," Seokjin paused for a second to figure the best way to explain. "I bought this a while back, No one knows. When I got the key, I asked the boys to help me to move my things here. Which, I didn't ask for you because you've being busy with works. And the small party was to thank them for helping me..." he explained.

When Seokjin glared at him with frustration, Jimin pouted. "I asked them not to tell you anything about the house because I want to throw a proper party with everyone present. Jimin misunderstood when I held a small dinner to thank them for their help earlier..."

Namjoon whined at the explanation. A misunderstanding? Is that so? But why his heart still feels so heavy?

"I'm sorry, hyung." Jimin apologized. His voice void of anger, only remorse.

"This man here just couldn't help himself when he saw you and your friend at the park. So he spouted nonsense!" Yoongi spit out.

Jimin mumbled in response to the accusation but did nothing to defend himself. He simply admitted his mistake quietly. Taehyung, who had been watching silently, moves slowly toward Namjoon. He knelt in front of Namjoon, who was still hiding his face but had stopped crying.

Taehyung placed his hand on Namjoon's shoulder. "We didn't mean to hurt you, hyung. We just - I don't know - do something unthinkable that we finally make you feel like this."

Namjoon sniffled and turned around to face Taehyung. A short gasp escaped from Taehyung's lips. Taehyung stares the blotchy face and the swollen eyes. His heart tugged at the view and feels guilty for being the reason to this. He shouldn’t speak like that to Namjoon.

"We're sorry, hyung. We didn't mean to hurt you. We love - care for you..." said Taehyung cautiously and fondly caressed on Namjoon's hair.

Namjoon keeps hearing the word love from them. But what kind of love? He wanted to ask, but didn't want to embarrass himself any further. Those repeated words made his heart race with desire and longing. He wasn't sure if their definitions of love were the same.

Namjoon pushed his body upward, sniffed a little, and wiped the remnant of tears from his face. "Sorry if I - I misunderstood you guys..." he muttered. Namjoon finally understood. He forgets that when you’re asking for something, you need to be a giver too. He wanted to be loved but he forgot to give the same. He asked for attention but didn’t gave any of it too. He was at fault for this situation to go haywire. He was so absorbed with his own emotion; he forgets to put himself on the six shoes.

Seokjin shook his head. "It's not your fault. We should have cleared everything out sooner, before it got so messed up."

Namjoon hummed. "I did wrong too. I - I just make my own conclusion..."

"Hey let's stop this self-blame game, okay?" Yoongi stepped in.

Everyone agreed with Yoongi. Namjoon also didn't want to drag this issue further. It's enough and he choose to move on. Even there’s something still lingers in his heart, an unknown feeling that unsettled but Namjoon chooses not to think about it at this moment. He was too overwhelmed with his emotion and he didn’t think he is able to take more than this. He just accepted whatever has been offered to him. Even if he has hopes for more.

Seokjin smiles as he takes Namjoon's hand in his. "Joon, there's one more thing that I and we -" He put off for a moment to look at the other before returning his gaze to Namjoon.

Namjoon's heart makes a quantum leap. It's beating so fast that he could hear it clearly. "Wha - what is it?" Namjoon stuttered. Namjoon noticed the other's face beaming with happiness.

"Well, the reason why I bought this house is because I want all of us to stay here under one roof..." said Seokjin.

Namjoon went completely still. What?

"Yes, hyung! We have our own room here!" Jungkook chirped in.

Namjoon still could not apprehend the situation.

"Yeah, there's six room here and..." Jungkook continue to talk but Namjoon couldn't hear anything afterwards. His heart is sinking to the pit of his stomach. A roller coaster emotion starts to speed up and Namjoon couldn’t think straight. The last words uttered by Jungkook is all he heard. Six.

"We - you -"

"This house - tell you that-"

"Stay together -own room-"

Namjoon couldn't concentrate to whatever everyone is telling him. He couldn't decipher all the voices. His unfocused gaze was fluttering, helplessly staring at the six. "Wha - what -" his lips trembled. Then there's someone pulled him up onto his feet. He could not focus at all as someone dragging him to somewhere while excitedly talking.

Who?  He's sounded happy?

When he noticed the tattooed hand clutching his hand and moving in one direction, he scowled. Where? Namjoon could hear more footsteps from behind. There's someone following them. But why? Then they stopped in front of a door. When Jungkook pushed the door, his lips parted with a gasp. He looks around the spacious room and amazed at the interior.

"This is my room, hyung!" stated Jungkook. Joyful and ecstatic.

Namjoon explores the room while holding his breath. His eyes than fixated on the bed at the corner of the room. A super single bed.

"Let me show you my room, hyung!" Jimin then said.

Namjoon didn't know since when the smaller man standing behind him, but he stumbled a little when Jimin dragged him out of Jungkook's room. Then Namjoon saw Jimin's room. Another second Taehyung's room. Hoseok's room. Yoongi's room. And the last room is Seokjin's.

Namjoon quivered. He feels so cold. So distance. So lost. As if his soul just left his body. But his mind kept on counting the number. Six. It’s only six rooms. One for each of them. None for him. None is his. He is unwanted. He doesn't belong anywhere. He's alone.

Namjoon’s eyes blurred with unshed tears as his empty gaze linger around Seokjin's room. Bigger than the other. Lots of furniture. A huge bed that three or four can piled up on it. Or even more. Namjoon can picture the six of them curled up on the bed. Ecstatic and grateful.

But he wasn’t there.  Will never be there.

"...yung?"

Namjoon sucked up a breath, almost choking out from the excruciating agony his breaking heart was causing. He didn’t want to be here. He shouldn’t be here. He doesn’t belong here. He needs to go. They finally showed to him that he is not a part of them. He needs to leave!

"Namjoon-ah..."

“I’m sorry!” he said hastily as he turned around to leave. He realized it was a pointless attempt to conceal the tears that ran over his cheek at the moment.

“Joon??” Seokjin was taken aback at the sight and quickly grabbed Namjoon's hand to prevent him from running away.

 “What’s wrong?” he asked. He believed that everything had already been resolved. What might go wrong in this instance?

Namjoon shakes his head. “No! Let me go. I can’t – can’t be here…” Namjoon sobbed while struggling to pull away his hand from Seokjin's grip.

The concern in the room grew for everyone.  Witnessing the man to have another breakdown wasn’t a part of their objectives today. They believed that Namjoon had fully grasped their plan and their intentions were evident.

But then why Namjoon is crying again?

 “Namjoon-ah, please tell us again. What happened? I thought – we thought that you – “ Yoongi pleaded.

The explosive emotions make Namjoon bursting more tears than he intended. Seokjin and Yoongi instantly embraced him tightly as everyone was so shocked.

"Joon/hyung!!"

Namjoon let his trembling bodies in between of Seokjin and Yoongi, envelopes himself with the warmth radiates from the two. He wants to be selfish for once. Even for a momentarily, he wanted to be hold like this. He wants this. He craved for this. He deserves this, right?

Namjoon hides his face on the crook of Seokjin’s neck and let Yoongi to lean his head on Namjoon's broad back while gently rubs his side. The others, however, drew closer to him and gave him distraught expressions.

"Baby..." Seokjin's unsteady voice softly murmured. “Tell hyung, okay? Let me know what’s wrong so that – so that I can fix it…” persuades Seokjin. He didn't want any misunderstanding to break them apart again.

“No-wa-an-eee…” Namjoon mumbles incoherently over Seokjin’s shoulder.

Seokjin frowned. “What?"

Namjoon whined at the response.

Seokjin chuckles softly. "Baby, I don't know what're you talking about. Please tell me slowly,” he said.

Namjoon huffed in annoyance before he repeats himself. “No one here want me!”

A group of loud gasped can be heard. "What???"

A few murmurs broke out. Namjoon was unable to understand a word that was being spoken by anyone since it was all so hazy and confusing.

“Where is this come from??” Hoseok shrieked.

“I thought we make it clear before?” Taehyung confused voice interframe.

"What the fu-"

"Jungkook, no cursing!" warned Yoongi as he throws a deadly glare at the youngest. Jungkook rolled his eyes.

“Jin-hyung, you've told him, right?” Jimin further queried.

Seokjin was perplexed by all of the questions since he was unable to comprehend what was going on. Did Namjoon miss something? But he had eloquently pointed out their proposal.

𝘖𝘩...

Seokjin’s lips parted. “Oh….”

Yoongi squinted at the elder. “What do you mean by ‘oh’?”

It draws the rest attention to Seokjin as they look at the elder in anticipation. Seokjin chuckles nervously. "Well, we did talk about this, but Namjoon never said anything, right? And JK just being too excited to show his room before he speaks or even agree to our proposal??” Seokjin pointed at the youngest.

Now all eyes on Jungkook except Namjoon. Namjoon sat there in cocoon of self-pity, tears streaming down his face as he listened to the muffled sounds of voices, drifting in from the living room.  The feeling of exclusion tore at his heart. It's unbearable. It's pathetic.

He couldn't understand why they didn't seem to want him. Did they not care about him? Did they not love him like he loved them? The thoughts sent a wave of pain crashing over him, and he buried his face in his hands, the sobs wracking his body.

Jungkook huffed and crossed his arms petulantly. “I don’t want to hear him say NO to us!”

Jimin smacked on the back of Jungkook’s head.  “What did I tell you yesterday? We should not force him into this agreement!” he scolded the younger.

Jungkook groaned in annoyance. Seokjin sighed at the chaos but chose to ignore it. His priority is not those immature young boys. Namjoon is crying so hard and his heart squeezed knowing that they had been hurting him again. Seokjin pat softly on Namjoon's hair as the said male continue to cry. "Baby..."

A desperate whine escapes Namjoon’s lips muffled through Seokjin’s neck.

“Baby, please. Can you listen to whatever I’m trying to tell you?”

And another whine with a sob. Namjoon buried his face further, refused to listen or to look at his hyung. Seokjin huffed in frustration. Not to Namjoon but more to himself as he failed to communicate with the younger better to avoid misunderstanding like this.

"I want you to know that we all love you. We care about you deeply, and whatever you're thinking right now is not true."

Namjoon squeezed shut his eyes for a second before he looked up, his eyes red-rimmed and swollen, but filled with a mix of disbelief and hope. "But why did you make plans without me? Why do I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in? Why there's no place of me here?" More ugly sobs escaped from Namjoon's lips. This time he didn't have the energy to hide anymore, letting everyone to judge him whatsoever they wanted to.

A group of gasps echoed again.

"What?"

"No!!"

"We never do that!"

"Joonie..."

"This is so messed up!"

"That's -"

Seokjin, ever observant and caring, knowing how the whole situation has gone wrong once again; take a deep breath and wipe Namjoon's tears. "Joon - baby - Namjoonie... Never ever in our life we want to exclude you in everything we do. We always want you to be a part of this with us."

Namjoon stares at Seokjin, surprise and gratitude shining in his eyes. A sliver of hope that he's been dreaming of. But still the fear in his heart playing with his conscience. "But, why - " Namjoon choked, eyes looking at everyone in the room. Nervous. "I thought that -" Namjoon whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I thought you didn't want me around."

Seokjin sighed, his own heart heavy with regret. "We're sorry, Namjoon. We thought we've been obvious with our feeling. We just thought that you need some space. We just assumed that you need some space because we're being too overbearing for you. We assumed and assumed that we didn't know we had hurt you in the process..."

Namjoon's lip trembled. "I - I always wanna be with all of you..." he said, pointing at everyone with his wet eyes.

Seokjin took Namjoon's hand, holding it tightly. "I guess we just get caught up in our own excitement and forget to include you in that. But that doesn't mean we don't want you. In fact, we can't imagine our group without you. We need you to be with us, stay with us..."

Namjoon's tears slowed, and his heart skipped a beat. His round eyes staring at Seokjin with disbelief. "Really? You really want me to stay with you all?"

Jungkook marched forward and hugged Namjoon from the side. "Of course, hyungie!" he pouted.

"You complete us, Joon."

Namjoon turned his gazed on Yoongi, standing nearby with his smile. "Really?" he asked again and Yoongi nodded in affirmation.

Then Hoseok kneeled down in front of Namjoon. "That's why we want you to stay here with us too..."

Namjoon furrowed at the statement. "Where?"

"Here, hyung. What do you mean where?" Taehyung intrudes in confusion.

Namjoon looks at the younger. "There - there's no room for me?" he queried; his brows frowned deeper.

A collective heavy sigh drawn by the rest as they finally understood the reason of the misunderstanding.

"That's why we need to make sure he listened to us first, JK!" Jimin spats and glared at Jungkook.

Jungkook rolled his eyes but later mouthed a "sorry" to Jimin and the rest.

Seokjin chuckles at the antic before giving back his attention to Namjoon. "Let me explain, ok?"

Namjoon nod his head.

"I bought this house for us, for all of us - including you. And everyone got their own room for that except you..."

Namjoon whined and almost burst into another tears before Seokjin managed to continue his talk. Seokjin dragged his body into a hug. "Baby, the reason why there's only six rooms because - because I want you to be with me, in my room."

"Huh?" Namjoon's voice muffled on Seokjin's clothed chest. He pushed away his body, looking straight into Seokjin as he still could not comprehend whatever Seokjin is saying just now.

Seokjin smile fondly. "We agreed that if you want to be a part of this, I have the advantage to be with you first and let the others take their turns later. Then you can decide which room you want to be or if you ever want to do the turns with us, we are pleased to do that too..."

Namjoon stares at Seokjin, confusion obviously etched on his face. Then he turns his eyes on the rest, looking at the boys. "I - I don't get it? What do you mean taking turns?" he asked for further clarification.

Hoseok rubbed on Namjoon's knees softly. "It's mean each of us here, personally want you, at our own effort to pursue you. But it doesn't mean that we didn't want you in this group, it's just we want to give you the freedom to choose whosoever you want to be. It's okay if you don't wanna be with all of us, we will respect your decision..."

Namjoon's frown deepened. "But I want all of you," he admits.

The six whines at the confession, cooing at how cute Namjoon is right now.

"Of course, all of us want you, baby!" Seokjin promptly replied, didn't want to create any further misunderstanding or to wait any longer. "As Hoseok said, we want to give you the choice to choose because we do not want to burden you with our feelings. You are not obligated to say yes to everyone. Whatever it is, six of us will love you unconditionally." Seokjin further explained.

Namjoon looked at each of them fondly as he was surrounded by the six people he loved most in the world. They were here to discuss the arrangement they had all agreed upon - to date Namjoon by turns. It was a strange concept, but Namjoon couldn't lie that he is happy.

Namjoon could feel the weight of their love and commitment to him. He was overwhelmed by their selflessness, couldn't help but feel an immense sense of gratitude towards them all.

"I just - I can't believe how lucky I am to have all of you in my life," Namjoon muttered. "I love each and every one of you so much," Namjoon confessed, his words filled with sincerity. Namjoon's eyes welled up with tears as he gazed around at the six men.  This time, it's happy tears. His heart thrilled at the warm look they gave him.

Namjoon wiped away his tears as he continued to speak, his voice trembling with emotion. "I love you all," Namjoon mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. "Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for loving me as I love you."

And the six starts to cry a river at Namjoon’s appreciation. Namjoon chuckles for a second before it turns into a huff when the six almost jump into him and hold him in a group hug.

"We love you too, Joon!!" a unified confession from the six echoed.

Namjoon closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, savoring the moment as the best. Namjoon smiled through his tears, feeling a sense of peace and contentment wash over him. In that moment, Namjoon knew that he was exactly where he was meant to be – surrounded by love, acceptance, and understanding.

He belongs here. With the six. Seven of them. Forever.

Namjoon was grateful, more grateful than he had ever been in his life, for the incredible people who had chosen to share their love with him. For the people who he wanted to cherish until the end of time.

Jungkook nervously stepped forward as he approached Namjoon. The question that had been weighing on his mind for weeks now burned on the tip of his tongue, begging to be released. He took a deep breath and finally found the courage to speak. 

"Can we kiss you?" Jungkook's voice was barely above a whisper, almost drowned out by the sounds of everyone. His cheeks flushing crimson with embarrassment. He immediately regretted his words, fearing that he had overstepped his boundaries.

Namjoon holds his breath at Jungkook's request, eyes widened in surprise and his lips parting in shock. He took a step back, processing Jungkook's request. He had never considered the possibility of intimacy at the moment, but the thought sent a shiver down his spine.

After a moment of stunned silence, Namjoon finally found his voice and without hesitation he said, "Yes!" Namjoon's face beaming with happiness as he looks at Jungkook and the rest of his boyfriends.

Boyfriends? Namjoon love how it sound. So much. A rush of emotions overwhelmed him – joy, relief, and a deep-seated love for everyone that he had been unable to deny. 

 
Without a second thought, Jungkook closed the distance between them, his heart racing with anticipation. Their lips met in a sweet and tender kiss, a moment of pure bliss passing between them. Kisses that heal every wound and heartbreak. It felt like the culmination of years of unspoken feelings and hidden desires, brought to the surface by a single question. 

 
As they pulled away, Jungkook found himself lost in Namjoon's gaze, his eyes filled with warmth and affection. Jungkook rubs his nose back and forth into Namjoon's and they both giggled at the silliness. In that moment, he knew that this was just the beginning of something beautiful and profound between them.

Everyone takes their precious time and turns to kiss Namjoon. Namjoon didn't know how or when it happened, but he found himself sinking deeper and deeper into the sea of affection that surrounded him. His heart soared with a mixture of excitement and nervousness as he let himself be swept away by the emotions that his boyfriends evoked in him.

Every touch, every kiss, felt like a warm blanket wrapping around him, comforting him in a way that he had never experienced before. The tenderness and love that radiated from everyone washed over him like a wave, filling him with a sense of belonging and contentment.

Their whispers of love and adoration tickled his ears, sending shivers down his spine as he basked in the attention that was lavished upon him. But it wasn't just the physical affection that Namjoon craved – it was the emotional connection that he shared with the six that truly set his heart on fire. The way they looked at him with longing and devotion made him feel like he was the only person in the world that mattered, filling him with a sense of purpose and fulfilment that he had never felt before.

Yoongi's kisses so tender and soft on his lips. Namjoon loves the warmth of his breath mingled with his. 

Hoseok's kisses is more aggresive and Namjoon let him to guide Namjoon as he tilted his head to the side. 

Taehyung's kisses is more intimate and erotic. Namjoon gasped when Taehyung sucked his lips and just follow his lead slowly. 

Jimin's kisses is more playful and flirty. He traces Namjoon's plump lips with his tongue, gently kissing them in between. 

When Seokjin, the last person who pulled away from the kisses, they both sucked their breath harder.  The intensity almost let them stray further but Seokjin managed to calm down and stopped himself. Namjoon sighed heavily at the loss of the intimacy. His soft gaze met with Seokjin’s and he smile fondly at the elder. Seokjin returns the same and his thumb wiped the remnant of saliva at the end of his plump lips. Namjoon cheeks reddened at the action.

“As much all of us wanted to do the unthinkable right now…” Seokjin said.

Namjoon whine at the statement, turned down his head in embarrassment. He can hear a few chuckles around him and Namjoon pouted at the tease.

“Let – let’s do this step by step. Okay?” continue Seokjin.

Namjoon lifted his head and stares at Seokjin. The smile on his face still there and Namjoon nods his head. “Yeah, no need to rush. We have all the time for this, right?”

“Of course!” the rest replied with enthusiast.

Namjoon laughs heartily and looked at his boyfriends one by one with a contented smile, feeling overwhelmed with happiness that they were finally together after all the hurdles they had faced. The journey to this moment had been filled with trials and tribulations, but now they were in each other's arms, basking in the warmth of their love. Namjoon is happy, knowing that they were finally where they belonged – together, forever.